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Hello I am posting this from MY BED as I tested positive for Covid Monday morning and did not get to go on my trip 

 

🙃

 

This just in: everything is terrible and I will try to update some other day when things are less terrible!!!!

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i am not waiting for a hero.  i saved myself long ago.

Level 56 Bardic Time-Mage; of the Furious Heart

STR.55  DEX.43 STA.48 CON.51 WIS.53 CHA.65

"Well...in the end, it boils down to two simple choices. Either you do or you don't.

You'd think with all the problems in this world, there'd be more answers. It's not fair...
...But that's the way things are. The choice is yours."

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Hiiiiiiiiiiiiiii everyone --

 

Exhausted GIF - Find on GIFER

 

This week has been A WEEK.  Covid's apparently so nice I've had it twice (see, i am still a bard at heart, see what i did there) (also that's a lie covid is NOT NICE) and can confirm that the second time around is not nearly as bad as the first.  Poor Ao has been suffering hard tho' and has been STUBBORNLY back at work this week, with the exception of yesterday where he had a fever and stayed home.  We need to have some talks about self care (something he is not good at), heheh. 

 

I've been pretty devastated about missing my trip and seeing my friend for the first time in years.  Logically I realize it's not the end of the world but emotionally it -hurts- and I was really looking forward to just getting away and getting out of my own head for a few days and getting a fresh perspective on things... and you know, just enjoying LIFE.  Luckily my plane tickets were fully refundable (past shaar paid the extra for that option) so I'm not totally ass poor YET (*stares at disability benefits that seem like they will be forever pending*) but... jeez. 

 

I've had a couple of hard days and it's been difficult to believe there is still good out there in the world. Covid sure isn't going anywhere, I know so many people that are sick with it again, or sick with some mystery illness that isn't covid, people are sick all the time and it's sad and miserable.   I'm also in my personal brain bubble of Chaos ft. Lots of Up and Down Emotions so I know that skews my viewpoint. Some days I feel worse off now than when I was working and pushing through all the bullshit and it's disheartening - but again, logical shaar just has to remind herself that healing HURTS, and there's no timeline for any of this garbage. 

 

SO.  

 

I guess all I can do is MY BEST and I know that will change from day to day so I'm just trying to stay present and roll with one day at a time!  Today I'm going to try and get some yoga and mobility done at home since I'm still quarantined till the weekend... and as always there is still stuff to do around the house so I will tackle it bit by bit.  :)  AND I am making us bbq chicken quesadillas for dinner tonight (with spinach and pineapples and sauteed onion oooo) so I'm looking forward to that!  

 

You Can Do The Thing GIFs | Tenor

 

Blah blah blah sorry for the text dump - even though I'm sure people will say DON'T BE SORRY SHAAR IT'S YOUR THREAD MY DUDE - so.... yeah, sorry not sorry!!  Typing all that out made me feel better. ^^

 

Thanks for listening, friends ❤️ I hope you can find some joy in your day today, too~

  • Like 5

i am not waiting for a hero.  i saved myself long ago.

Level 56 Bardic Time-Mage; of the Furious Heart

STR.55  DEX.43 STA.48 CON.51 WIS.53 CHA.65

"Well...in the end, it boils down to two simple choices. Either you do or you don't.

You'd think with all the problems in this world, there'd be more answers. It's not fair...
...But that's the way things are. The choice is yours."

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1 hour ago, shaar said:

I've had a couple of hard days and it's been difficult to believe there is still good out there in the world. Covid sure isn't going anywhere, I know so many people that are sick with it again, or sick with some mystery illness that isn't covid, people are sick all the time and it's sad and miserable. 

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Sometimes the good is simply a friend validating your emotions. It's normal to feel the way you feel in the midst of your not-normal circumstances. Your brain is braining the way it's supposed to and your feels are feeling the way they are supposed to, it's just not fun to feel what you feel. Let the light in me shine on you for a while.

 

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Current Challenge

"By the Most-Righteous-and-Blessed Beard of Sir Tanktimus the Encourager!" - Jarl Rurik Harrgath

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On 5/19/2022 at 10:28 AM, Tanktimus the Encourager said:

ETU3hL4XgAEGWwA?format=jpg&name=4096x409

Sometimes the good is simply a friend validating your emotions. It's normal to feel the way you feel in the midst of your not-normal circumstances. Your brain is braining the way it's supposed to and your feels are feeling the way they are supposed to, it's just not fun to feel what you feel. Let the light in me shine on you for a while.

 

 

THANK YOU. ❤️ Your words are also so reassuring and true. I can see why your daughter already wants to be a "chap'ln" (or however cute way she said it, hehehe~)

 

 

 

W E E K E N D

 

HI GUYS!

 

Hey GIFs - Get the best GIF on GIPHY

 

So my brain has decided to go into Yay Go Team mode, yesterday was a great day, and so far today is off to it too! Still sadly quarantined from the gym thanks to COVID buttt I got a lot done around the house... (look it's a list)

 

- Finally hung some pictures!

- Brought a small bookcase up into the computer room to put candles and pictures on

- VACCUUMED up every bit of cat fur wow it's an epidemic

- Finally put up my accent drapes in the bedroom

- Pruned my plants and flowers

- Cleaned and emptied the fridge (wayyyy overdue hehehe bye old porkchop pals)

 

Yesterday was mostly housework (see above) and digging out my Kindle's charging cable from the Void Abyss so I could actually charge it up and start reading again.  I sat on the deck in the sun in the afternoon with Catte and read for a good 2 hours, it was EXCELLENT. I very much look forward to reading more today!

 

Today I've already hustled off to do the groceries because it is going to get into the 90's and humid this afternoon and I'm NOT about to deal with that life... I'm in a Food Mood so I bought a bunch of stuff to make - macaroni salad! - teriyaki shrimp and green beans for dinner tonight! - grilled steak tortilla salad for tomorrow! (you put the tortillas on the grill WAUW) - and more lemons for fresh lemonade!  Guys I made my own lemonade for the first time last weekend and it was the BOMB DIGGITY (do people still say that, prob not) and yeah it can get a little messy but it's LEMONS and they smell great and it all eventually turns out delicious. 

 

Oishii~desu ‣ Anime Food — Lemonade - Cardcaptor Sakura Clear Card ep5

 

And here is a shot of my reading spot yesterday around 6pm-ish~

 

image.png.ebe8536871f2baf0ae838ee34e8d3114.png

 

The sun is in the way of my flowerboxes but they're totally there!!

 

Ok time to wrap this up and go start making macaroni salad before the sun pops out from its cloud cloak to murder us all... have a lovely weekend friends ❤️ 

  • Like 5
  • That's Metal 2

i am not waiting for a hero.  i saved myself long ago.

Level 56 Bardic Time-Mage; of the Furious Heart

STR.55  DEX.43 STA.48 CON.51 WIS.53 CHA.65

"Well...in the end, it boils down to two simple choices. Either you do or you don't.

You'd think with all the problems in this world, there'd be more answers. It's not fair...
...But that's the way things are. The choice is yours."

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Gooood morning pals happy MONDAY~

 

Seems to have been quiet here but I'm still gonna update 'cause I LIKE IT :D

 

Why Because Why Not GIFs - Get the best GIF on GIPHY

 

We had a hella heat wave this weekend and it was abysmally hot, but we survived with a lot of iced tea, naps, and cramming our window ACs in finally. Part of me wonders how I existed in North Carolina for so long, but the other part of me knows the answer - central AC!  Luckily that bullshit is gone for now and we are back into comfy spring temps for the forseeable future.

 

This week is a busy one for me!  Today my car is at the shop as it's been making a grinding/scraping noise from the driver's side wheel... hopefully nothing major but we will see.  My mechanic is super cool and very reasonable when it comes to repairs so I'm not worried.  Our roads here in town are TERRIBLE so I'm sure it's from driving through one too many fucking potholes.

 

Tomorrow I have a doctor's appointment follow-up for my medical leave and FINALLY I can get the correct paperwork to file for benefits assistance.... lawdamercy this has been a trip.  After that I'll go to the gym (for the first time in TWO WEEKS omg can't wait), pop over to Lowes to get a key copied, then I'm meeting a coworker for dinner around 4:30 so that will be FUN!

 

Wednesday will be a quick trip to the grocery shop to get things for our MINI VACATION this weekend - Ao is taking off Thursday and Friday and we are spending 2 nights in a comfy little mountain cabin that we actually visited around this time last year.  It'll be nice, we haven't had any vacation time since last AUGUST and is sorely needed.  The wifi reception that far up is pretty poor so we are going to pick out some DVDs to bring and some books to read too ❤️ There is a HUGE deck overlooking the forest so I'm looking forward to a cup of coffee, a good book, and some sunshine!!

 

Cat Reading book on Make a GIF

 

And @Salinger I am reading one of my guilty pleasure book series, Pretty Little Liars hahahahaaaa - I binged through them all a handful of summers ago and it's kinda my go-to summer fluff reading!  :D :D

 

Anyway things are good over here lately... going to finish this coffee, check in on you all, and then start some laundry and wait for the mechanic to call~  Have a good one friends!!

  • Like 6

i am not waiting for a hero.  i saved myself long ago.

Level 56 Bardic Time-Mage; of the Furious Heart

STR.55  DEX.43 STA.48 CON.51 WIS.53 CHA.65

"Well...in the end, it boils down to two simple choices. Either you do or you don't.

You'd think with all the problems in this world, there'd be more answers. It's not fair...
...But that's the way things are. The choice is yours."

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wow please get some photos of the cabin.. sounds amazing!!!!

 

Is that book the same as the TV show? Never seen it but hoping you enjoy reading it :D 

 

I need to get back to reading..... i have a couple of books in mind.... xxx

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Hiiiii everyone hello happy ONE WEEK AFTER MY LAST POST (I think?)

 

It has been a BUSY week!  But also very good~

 

Ao and I went on a mini-vacation from Thursday to Saturday at a comfy cabin in New Hampshire!  It's absolutely gorgeous (my friend said it looked like it was straight out of Better Homes and Gardens HA) and the view off the back deck is to die for... mini photo dump under the cut!

 

Spoiler

 

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There are real trees in the center of the house too which is AWESOME!  The whole place is Maximum Comfy and we pretty much just relaxed, watched movies, read our respective books, played word games together, and went on a little hike.

 

Oh and alsooooooooooooo Ao proposed to me (!!!) so I AM ENGAGED TO BE PERMANENTLY BOUND TO THE MOST MIGHTY AND HONORABLE SAMURAI HIMBO IN THE LAND

 

Samurai GIFs | Tenor

 

andy-confetti-gif | Oh So Steffany

 

He used his mom's wedding ring (which somehow fit perfectly) as a placeholder and we have since ordered my own - his plan was to do it when we stood outside to watch the sunrise but it was hella cloudy and I was half asleep so my ass went back to bed and SLEPT FOR TWO HOURS... so that morning it was foggy and overcast and spooky and honestly Perfect Proposal Weather IMHO - he proposed out on the big back deck and it was the easiest yes I've said in my life. :) We have known each other since we were kids and he's been with me through the most turbulent and dark days of my life, and there's no one else I'd rather have by my side. I'm a lucky little shit!!

 

SOOOO future challenges will probably be centered on getting ready for THIS and whatever it brings into my life~

 

Yesterday was Memorial Day here in the states so we kept things low-key, had a friend over to game together (we played Tiny Tina's Wonderland) and grill a BUNCH of meats and veggies - I made strawberry lemonade for the first time ever from scratch and it came out REALLY GREAT!  V. pleased~ :)

 

 

 

The past week and a half-ish has been the most "me" I've felt in a long LONG time and it makes me happy.  I'm fully aware that there's still work to be done and things I have to figure out, and certainly this feeling is fleeting, but it's nice to have it around while I can. I'm a little jangly this morning for Reasons Unknown but I'm going to finish up posting here, get to the gym, and start taking care of my to-do list of crap. (Schedule covid booster! Buy train tickets for NYC! Call the damn bank shaar JUST DO IT)

 

Okokok have a GREAT DAY everyone, I hope something good can make you smile today ❤️ 

 

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i am not waiting for a hero.  i saved myself long ago.

Level 56 Bardic Time-Mage; of the Furious Heart

STR.55  DEX.43 STA.48 CON.51 WIS.53 CHA.65

"Well...in the end, it boils down to two simple choices. Either you do or you don't.

You'd think with all the problems in this world, there'd be more answers. It's not fair...
...But that's the way things are. The choice is yours."

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Congratulations on the engagement! That's awesome news!

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Level 16 Wood Elf Ranger

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IAgreeWithTank™

"Shit is going down, but I am not." - iatetheyeti

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Thank you so much my friends!! ❤️ I'm very lucky and very happy.  We both know we don't want some big floofy dumb money pit of a ceremony (edited to add if that's your wedding dream GO FOR IT, it's just never been either of ours, I'm honestly very opinionated about Wedding Culture as a whole and don't want to come off as an enormous jackwagon so, to each their own 'cause whatever brings you joy is always worth it ❤️ ) so once my rings arrive (we got them custom made online and they are lovely and I can't wait to show you all) we will probably just jumble over to the courthouse and get 'er done. We WOULD however like to have some kind of fun time gathering for our friends and family to celebrate, maybe in the fall, who knows, we will figure that part out. 

 

Jeez it's so surreal!  But in a good way~

 

 

 

ANYWAY good morning all today I have the DEPRESSION and I'm not sure why, honestly it's probably just life doing its thing, but it was a struggle bus to get out of bed today. There are many good things happening in my little life here but for some reason my brain has decided not to recognize them at this very moment, and instead settle me firmly in the Semi-Bottomless Pit of Despair, sooooo thanks brain. 

 

I will do my best - I'm sore and super DOMSey from overdoing it at the gym this week after being away for 2.5 weeks, so my big goal is honestly to just get up and get dressed and go for a nice gloomy weather walk.

 

My therapist said it's hard not to let your depression make you feel worthless and *also* invalidate the things you've already accomplished - so to remind myself!, this week I have:

 

- Cleaned the whole entire kitchen and also vacuumed/scrubbed the floors and countertops

- Bought my train tickets for NYC V. 2 in a few weeks

- Went to the gym twice and worked out really hard (also oops haha)

- Had a great day socializing Monday and made strawberry lemonade for the first time ever

- Have not yet fallen into the Fully Bottomless Pit of Despair

 

OK that's all for now, going to try and get motivated... ❤️ Will check in on you all soon! ❤️ 

  • Like 5

i am not waiting for a hero.  i saved myself long ago.

Level 56 Bardic Time-Mage; of the Furious Heart

STR.55  DEX.43 STA.48 CON.51 WIS.53 CHA.65

"Well...in the end, it boils down to two simple choices. Either you do or you don't.

You'd think with all the problems in this world, there'd be more answers. It's not fair...
...But that's the way things are. The choice is yours."

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Hello all!  It is Friday!

 

I tried to go for a walk yesterday to kick my brain gremlins out but one of the trails I went to was closed, and the other one was full of bugs so I was only out for about 10 minutes. :( I felt sorry for myself and came home.  GO TEAM.

 

Today feels like more of the same flatness - I have a lot of emails to write ugh and I'm not looking forward to it, I'm going to try and bang those out straight away after posting here - and then head out for another try at a walk.  It's overcast enough so fingers crossed...

 

I originally felt like typing more but, meh.  Maybe next time! ❤️ 

  • Like 3

i am not waiting for a hero.  i saved myself long ago.

Level 56 Bardic Time-Mage; of the Furious Heart

STR.55  DEX.43 STA.48 CON.51 WIS.53 CHA.65

"Well...in the end, it boils down to two simple choices. Either you do or you don't.

You'd think with all the problems in this world, there'd be more answers. It's not fair...
...But that's the way things are. The choice is yours."

Link to comment
2 hours ago, shaar said:

Hello all!  It is Friday!

 

I tried to go for a walk yesterday to kick my brain gremlins out but one of the trails I went to was closed, and the other one was full of bugs so I was only out for about 10 minutes. :( I felt sorry for myself and came home.  GO TEAM.

 

Today feels like more of the same flatness - I have a lot of emails to write ugh and I'm not looking forward to it, I'm going to try and bang those out straight away after posting here - and then head out for another try at a walk.  It's overcast enough so fingers crossed...

 

I originally felt like typing more but, meh.  Maybe next time! ❤️ 

yes the fucking bugs were bad over here too lately. Today was fine though. Hope you can get a nice walk in and have a chilled evening! :) 

  • Like 1

be fearlessly yourself! :onthego:

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On 5/31/2022 at 8:16 AM, shaar said:

I AM ENGAGED

 

OH MY GOSH SHAAR I AM SCREME

THIS IS MAGNIFICENTLY WONDERFUL 

 

And it's also absolutely - not normal, but expected - for the brain gremlins to kick up a fuss in response to a Major Life Event. My anxiety lost its mind when we got engaged and it was a very complicated sort of "yes, I promise I'm happy, in the midst of all these panic attacks, yes" happiness.  ❤️  I'm sooooo excited for you, so excited that you're going to do the wedding your way and not bow to the wedding capitalists, and so absolutely thrilled that Ao is going to stick by you and support you and be your teammate for the long haul. I hope you guys continue to build each other up, laugh together, discover yourselves and each other, and lean on each other for many, many years together!

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SKY ELVENWORD NOBLEHEART

The Silver Archer, Ranger Level 48

Jesus-follower | Writer | Encourager | Resident Myers-Briggs and Enneagram Geek 

"Knowing that we can be loved exactly as we are gives us all the best opportunity for growing into the healthiest of people." - Fred Rogers

 

2022 Books in Progress:

When Strivings Cease  |  Happiness Workbook The Gifts of Imperfection  |  Mistborn  |

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On 6/3/2022 at 11:52 AM, fearless 2.0 said:

yes the fucking bugs were bad over here too lately. Today was fine though. Hope you can get a nice walk in and have a chilled evening! :) 

 

I have been able to spend some nice time outside - with all the pollen we have here lately HA - and it has helped!!  Trying to get as much in as I can before the summer really gets nuclear!!

 

On 6/4/2022 at 10:49 AM, SkyGirl said:

 

OH MY GOSH SHAAR I AM SCREME

THIS IS MAGNIFICENTLY WONDERFUL 

 

And it's also absolutely - not normal, but expected - for the brain gremlins to kick up a fuss in response to a Major Life Event. My anxiety lost its mind when we got engaged and it was a very complicated sort of "yes, I promise I'm happy, in the midst of all these panic attacks, yes" happiness.  ❤️  I'm sooooo excited for you, so excited that you're going to do the wedding your way and not bow to the wedding capitalists, and so absolutely thrilled that Ao is going to stick by you and support you and be your teammate for the long haul. I hope you guys continue to build each other up, laugh together, discover yourselves and each other, and lean on each other for many, many years together!

 

YEEEE TY TY TY ❤️ 

 

Oddly enough the engagement doesn't wig me out at ALL - I even said to him afterwards that it was the easiest decision I'd ever made - a lot of my anxiety stems from *gestures vaguely at the world and the rest of my life* but regardless of what's going on, he's always there to ask how he can help or ease my burden a little bit. ❤️ THANK YOU ALSO HI I MISS YOU!!!!!

 

 

  • Like 2

i am not waiting for a hero.  i saved myself long ago.

Level 56 Bardic Time-Mage; of the Furious Heart

STR.55  DEX.43 STA.48 CON.51 WIS.53 CHA.65

"Well...in the end, it boils down to two simple choices. Either you do or you don't.

You'd think with all the problems in this world, there'd be more answers. It's not fair...
...But that's the way things are. The choice is yours."

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