[Sovalis]

Hi Everyone!

 

I am very excited to be here and have this challenge in front of me. I have been struggling with apathy towards my body for a long time and I feel like I am in a place to work on that.

 

A bit about me: I am Canadian and live in the Prairies now. I grew up near the mountains and miss them a lot. I am currently working as a manager of a little nerd store and do fantasy cartography in my free time. I love to play D&D and run two weekly games. I really enjoy Critical Role. I used to love to cook but that has fallen by the wayside in recent years. My partner is military and we have a wonderful four year old German Shepard named Saxon. I deal with Bipolar Disorder and PCOS, both of which make weight loss more challenging. I used to power lift a few years ago but I wasn't able to feel comfortable in the base gym once we moved to our new posting location and the town we are in doesn't have another gym option. My proudest lifting achievement was my 300 lb squat, which was 50 lbs over my bodyweight at the time. I felt so powerful that day and I miss that feeling of confidence in my body's capabilities. I am far from where I was though. This challenge will be first steps towards getting back to that. 

 

My three goals are simple but will hopefully become foundational:

1. Eat Breakfast Every Day: I can have coffee as well, but I must have something that is food and preferably high protein.
2. Walk 5,000+ steps a day: I have been so sedentary in the past five years that this feels like a huge challenge on its own, but I am going to make it happen. Bought a new FitBit and everything.
3. Write 3 pages a day exploring topics related to my weight: This can be planning, exploring links to past difficulties, doing some nitty gritty work to understand why I sabotage myself once I hit a certain level of success.  

 

My three cautions will be:

1. No weighing or measuring myself for the five weeks of the challenge. I will focus on what I am doing and practice mindfulness about my actions rather than fixating on results.
2. No food restrictions that feel unnatural or rushed. I sometimes get too whole hog when I am starting something and do too much too fast. Slow and steady this time.
3. No two in a row. I can make less ideal choices based on my own judgement, but not two bad decisions in a row.

 

Looking forward to cheering everyone on! Let's do this!

[Elastigirl]

Welcome!  I really like your goals. 

[Sovalis]

3 hours ago, Elastigirl said:

Welcome!  I really like your goals. 

Thank you! I appreciate you stopping by! 

[Epsilonte]

Welcome to the forum and to challenging!!

 

Nice and solid goals, just a little input on the third one: 3 pages a day is a LOT.  In the spirit of "slow and steady" maybe aim for a little less and be positively suprised if you actually write three pages?  (I don't wanna talk you out of it, just trying to give a little perspective from someone that tends to make goals that work great for a few days and then not so much for the rest of the challenge.  ) 

[Caisha]

Hi! I like your goals!
I'm also thinking of joining this challenge as a rookie and having a goal of walking every day.  I hope you have fun with your new FitBit! Let's goooo!!

[Sovalis]

16 hours ago, Elastigirl said:

Welcome!  I really like your goals. 

Thank you, Elastigirl! I appreciate the welcome! 

5 hours ago, Epsilonte said:

Welcome to the forum and to challenging!!

 

Nice and solid goals, just a little input on the third one: 3 pages a day is a LOT.  In the spirit of "slow and steady" maybe aim for a little less and be positively suprised if you actually write three pages?  (I don't wanna talk you out of it, just trying to give a little perspective from someone that tends to make goals that work great for a few days and then not so much for the rest of the challenge.  ) 

Hi Epsilonte! Thank you for your words! I have an established writing habit already, so this is more of a continuation of something I know I can do. The topic is more the challenge than the length, if that makes sense. I avoid working on these issues in writing and I really think I should. Thank you for wanting me to succeed!

4 hours ago, Caisha said:

Hi! I like your goals!
I'm also thinking of joining this challenge as a rookie and having a goal of walking every day.  I hope you have fun with your new FitBit! Let's goooo!!

Hi Caisha! Let's goooooo indeed! Race you!  Seriously though, cheering you on!

[Epsilonte]

7 minutes ago, Sovalis said:

Hi Epsilonte! Thank you for your words! I have an established writing habit already, so this is more of a continuation of something I know I can do. The topic is more the challenge than the length, if that makes sense. I avoid working on these issues in writing and I really think I should. Thank you for wanting me to succeed!

Wow, awesome!!  

Well then, happy writing!

[Captain Gilly]

I journal a lot and can burnt out. If you are having a hard time here, maybe don't give up, but don't feel bad about cutting back? I usually write a mini blurb about stuff everyday and then on Sunday - use it as a review day and get it all down. 

 

You have amazing goals and I am so excited for this challenge!! ❤️

 

Getting into a groove of actually eating breakfast everyday took me forever to get used to. 

 

You got this!!!!! 

[Defining]

Sweet, simple (but not easy!), and thoughtful.

 

[Sovalis]

Hi Everyone! 

 

Tuesday I met all my goals although there was a lot of marching in place to get the remainder of my steps after it was too cold and windy to walk home from work. 

 

Today I have had breakfast, made and had lunch, written, and walked 3800/5000 steps so far. I feel confident that I will get the rest of my steps in. I feel like I might be coming down with a cold; I'll rapid test tonight to make sure it's not Covid. Cases are still making their way around my town. 

 

I'm randomly getting cold around 3-3:30 pm. Not sure what that's about but it makes me think I should leave another sweater at the shop. 

 

I was able to leave the house without difficulty today, which was great. Our sweet German Shepherd, Saxon, is a very anxious boy who is quite upset that I got a job and am working outside the home for the first time in the four years we have had him. He gets combative about me leaving every day and that's hard on *my* anxiety. He still struggles if I want to leave with the car (I have to lock him in the house and listen to him try to batter the door down in distress). But when I walk we play in the yard for 10-15 minutes and then I let him go ahead of me inside and close the patio door after him. It's worked four times. He's going to get wise and then I really don't know what I'll do. But I'll take it for now. It's an ongoing problem. He's on medication (not sure it's helping) and we are starting sessions with a trainer who has experience with separation anxiety in about two weeks. It  will take time for the lessons and training to bear fruit, I'm sure. Hopefully he's calmer before the snow comes back! In the meantime cross your fingers that sneaking out the yard continues to work! 

 

Picture of my lovely boy for tax: 

 

Hope you're all succeeding at your goals! Off to go read the forums!

[Epsilonte]

Such a cute puppy!!  

 

And way to go slaying your goals, well done! Hope your cold passes soon.  

[Sovalis]

13 hours ago, Epsilonte said:

Such a cute puppy!!  

 

And way to go slaying your goals, well done! Hope your cold passes soon.  

Thank you! I'm feeling a bit worse today but I took it really easy last night and I'll keep it chill today. Grateful for DayQuil! 

 

Ate breakfast and lunch today and finished my writing. I'm at 1500/5000 steps. Not sure if I'll make the count today but I'd like to try. 

 

While I was writing it came up that I'm quite worried that I'll be perceived as selfish, vain, and shallow for wanting to pursue weight loss. I finally put two and two together that these are judgements I'm holding against my mother after her gastric bypass surgery (which resulted in a serious mental health crisis that blew up my family). For the first time I asked myself if I'd rather she'd just stayed fat. I'm sitting with this now, trying to figure out what to do with it. It feels big. My mother and I have been estranged for ~5 years now and there are a lot of hard feelings (I would imagine on both sides). She is not a stable person and being in her orbit destabilizes me very quickly. I don't think reconciliation is an option, but I know I need to do something about these feelings, fears, and resentments or I'm not going to move past them into my own health.

 

I posted about this in the NF Facebook group on Mother's Day and got some great resource recommendations so I think I'm going to add another goal to my challenge: engage with a resource for 15 minutes (or more at my discretion) each day. Hopefully it will prompt more/better writing. 

 

Off to read the forums! Hope you're all well! 💜

[Snarkyfishguts]

I really like your challenge. The no two in a row guideline is excellent. But overall, it sounds like a flexible plan. 

 

Journaling is so lovely isn't it?  I hope it continues to be a restorative practice for you!

 

 

[Elastigirl]

Sounds like you are  doing a good job at thinking through some really tough issues. I sometimes worry that I will be thought of as vain when I  try to lose weight. I have never been  in the obese category, just  fluffy around the middle, typical middle age stuff. But, I tend to get high blood pressure, and the truth is, I just like how I look in my clothes better when I'm at a lower weight.

[MezzotheLefty]

Welcome to the forums!  There are a few Critters around here (I'm one of them!) and it's a pretty cool place!

 

Your goals look good! Never miss 2 is a great mindset. It's simple, but so difficult to achieve (for me anyway....) 

 

[Sovalis]

On 5/12/2022 at 7:29 PM, Snarkyfishguts said:

I really like your challenge. The no two in a row guideline is excellent. But overall, it sounds like a flexible plan. 

 

Journaling is so lovely isn't it?  I hope it continues to be a restorative practice for you!

 

 

Hi Snarkyfishguts! I really love your name. I started reading your challenge instantly because your name was so delightful. 😄 

Journalling really is lovely, even when it is dealing with hard stuff. I have always enjoyed writing and find a lot of peace with the practice. 

 

On 5/13/2022 at 7:09 AM, Elastigirl said:

Sounds like you are  doing a good job at thinking through some really tough issues. I sometimes worry that I will be thought of as vain when I  try to lose weight. I have never been  in the obese category, just  fluffy around the middle, typical middle age stuff. But, I tend to get high blood pressure, and the truth is, I just like how I look in my clothes better when I'm at a lower weight.

Thank you, Elastigirl. There's been a lot of heavy on the page lately. I was expecting that, but it's still kind of oofta. 

I haven't been a healthy weight since third grade, so my normal isn't my preference. I think you're allowed to like how you look in your clothes! I think that is really important, actually. 

 

On 5/13/2022 at 11:07 AM, MezzotheLefty said:

Welcome to the forums!  There are a few Critters around here (I'm one of them!) and it's a pretty cool place!

 

Your goals look good! Never miss 2 is a great mindset. It's simple, but so difficult to achieve (for me anyway....) 

 

Thank you, MezzotheLefty! I appreciate the welcome. And thanks for the gif of Talesin. He's my favourite.  

The two in a row mindset is really effective for me. I have a tendency to be very all or nothing about things, but giving myself a short respawn time in this way is really helpful. Otherwise I will write off a day or a week or whatever and *that* is a terrible habit to be in. 

 

 

I am definitely sick and it is kicking my butt. I haven't gotten my steps in for the past two days and today I actually called in sick to work for the first time since I started this job in December. I manage a little gaming shop and work six days a week. There is no other staff at this point (not my decision) so if I am not there the store doesn't open which always makes me feel guilty. But I am a germ factory and would be totally miserable so it was worth not going in. Tomorrow is my day off. Hopefully having two days off in a row will let me get enough rest to kick it. 

 

I've been sticking to eating my breakfast and lunch (something about eating breakfast makes me actually want lunch which is new and a little weird). I've been keeping up with my writing and I started reading "Feeling Good" by David Burns as part of my new goal. It's a Cognitive Behavioural Therapy book, which I have experience with. So far there hasn't been a lot that has been new to me. That said, he puts together a list of unhelpful traits that are common and one of them really stuck with me: The Fear of Success. He writes: "Because of your lack of confidence, success may seem even more risky than failure because you are certain it is based on chance. Therefore, you are convinced that you couldn't keep it up, and you feel your accomplishments will falsely raise the expectations of others [...] You may also fear success because you anticipate that people will make even greater demands on you [...] Therefore, you try to maintain control by avoiding commitment or involvement." This has been something I've been sitting with the past two days. It feels really important and speaks to some of my core fears. I've been dissecting it quite a bit in my writing and feel like I might be getting somewhere with it. More work to do, as always. 

 

I hope that you are all succeeding with your goals! Off to read the forums! ❤️ 

[Snarkyfishguts]

2 hours ago, Sovalis said:

But I am a germ factory

this put a silly image in my head    i really hope you feel better soon! 

 

The book sounds really good! I'm glad you're finding passages in it that speak to you

2 hours ago, Sovalis said:

your name was so delightful.

Aw shucks, that makes me happy

[Epsilonte]

[Conquius]

Welcome to the forums! You've got a great set of goals in front of you. I wish you the best of luck in working through them.

 

On 5/9/2022 at 6:08 PM, Sovalis said:

I used to love to cook but that has fallen by the wayside in recent years.

What kind of food did you like to cook?

[Sovalis]

On 5/14/2022 at 3:02 PM, Conquius said:

What kind of food did you like to cook?

Hi Conquius! Thank you! I like to cook a bit of everything (I particularly love to bake) and in recent years I have become enamoured with the chef Yotam Ottolenghi who is based out of the UK. He does some very Middle Eastern flavour profiles that I love. I cooked my way through his vegetarian book "Plenty" one year as a challenge and it was amazing. There were only two recipes in there I wouldn't make again and the rest are really truly great. I received "Falastine" by Sami Tamimi and Tara Wigley for my birthday in December but haven't made anything out of it yet. We have been using a grocery delivery service for the last few months so my meal planning and grocery shopping are largely done with that, leaving not a lot of room for other meals. I would be annoyed but it is just so convenient and I welcome that convenience right now. I do need to start bringing lunches to work though so maybe there is an opportunity to play with my food a bit there... Do you like to cook? If so, what kinds of things? 

 

On 5/14/2022 at 2:50 PM, Epsilonte said:

Thank you, Epsilonte! This has been a bit of a bear to get through. (Please pardon the pun, I had to!  )

 

On 5/14/2022 at 2:42 PM, Snarkyfishguts said:

this put a silly image in my head    i really hope you feel better soon! 

 

The book sounds really good! I'm glad you're finding passages in it that speak to you

Aw shucks, that makes me happy

It puts a fun image in mine, too.  Thank you! I hope I do, too!

 

The book continues to be very timely with some of its insights. Today's reading was dealing with guilt and perfectionism, two things I am very experienced with.  It was very interesting to me to see guilt reframed as the result of violating my concept of fairness and my moral standards, rather than as an inevitable thing that I feel because I have been/am "bad". I consider myself a highly ethical and moral person, so getting read for failing to behave that way with myself was an eye-opener. I am very, very good at engaging that way with others, but markedly less so with myself. The book also said that many "should" statements, things that I am always using against myself, result in self-defeating and irresponsible rules that we try to, and inevitably fail to, live by. The idea of them being irresponsible is sitting with me as well, as I think of myself as a responsible human (but again, perhaps with/for others more than with/for myself). I know I've been coached to be gentler and more forgiving of myself, the whole "Treat yourself like you are your own best friend" thing, and I think that has been useful as far as it goes. However, this hits differently, probably because so much of my perfectionism comes from a place I had previously identified as intense responsibility. I can see how a lot of this ties into challenges I had while I was growing up. I am hoping the second half of the book delivers on its promise to help dissect some of those connections so they have less influence, because gee, that would be great. 😜 This section of things seems to relate more to root issues than specifically weight loss issues as was my original intention with the challenge, but I think the engagement still counts for effort as I don't know if I would be tackling this if it wasn't for the challenge. 

 

I haven't made my steps for the last three days but might try for some today and see how it goes. I have been eating breakfast and lunch although they aren't always the most nutritious grabs I haven't done two bad ones in a row. Getting my writing done. Drinking water. Remembering my meds. So that part of things is going pretty well despite being sick.

 

Going through this chapter made me think of this picture and I am sharing it because, whoo boy. Yup. 

 

Hope you are all well! Off to read the forums! ❤️ 

[Heidi]

On 5/9/2022 at 6:08 PM, Sovalis said:

No weighing or measuring myself for the five weeks of the challenge. I will focus on what I am doing and practice mindfulness about my actions rather than fixating on results.

I like all three of your "cautions," (and that you call them "cautions") but the first one is pure gold.

 

Here to cheer you on!

[Heidi]

On 5/12/2022 at 4:32 PM, Sovalis said:

My mother and I have been estranged for ~5 years now and there are a lot of hard feelings (I would imagine on both sides). She is not a stable person and being in her orbit destabilizes me very quickly. I don't think reconciliation is an option, but I know I need to do something about these feelings, fears, and resentments or I'm not going to move past them into my own health.

Reconciliation is about finding peace on your own terms. It's great if this can happen in relationship, but it's not essential. 

 

I hope you find peace for yourself. This can be such a difficult thing! Go gently. Be gentle with yourself.

 

I have been estranged from my mother for many years, and it's not easy, for certain.

Sending love and peace your way.

[Heidi]

42 minutes ago, Sovalis said:

this hits differently, probably because so much of my perfectionism comes from a place I had previously identified as intense responsibility. I can see how a lot of this ties into challenges I had while I was growing up. I am hoping the second half of the book delivers on its promise to help dissect some of those connections so they have less influence, because gee, that would be great. 😜 

Ooof, I hear you on this!!

Hoping that the book continues to speak a language that speaks to you.

❣️

[fearless 2.0]

here for cute dog pics and a first challenge full of great goals! hope you feel better!  

[Captain Gilly]

On 5/11/2022 at 5:57 PM, Sovalis said:

Tuesday I met all my goals although there was a lot of marching in place to get the remainder of my steps after it was too cold and windy to walk home from work. 

I live in Florida and it has been ridiculously hot out, like I don't want to walk outside hot out. This has given me some inspiration for getting my steps in! Marching in place!!! If I could smack myself and say duh lol. 

Sorry about your pupper that is hard. 

 

 

On 5/12/2022 at 4:32 PM, Sovalis said:

While I was writing it came up that I'm quite worried that I'll be perceived as selfish, vain, and shallow for wanting to pursue weight loss. I finally put two and two together that these are judgements I'm holding against my mother after her gastric bypass surgery (which resulted in a serious mental health crisis that blew up my family). For the first time I asked myself if I'd rather she'd just stayed fat. I'm sitting with this now, trying to figure out what to do with it. It feels big. My mother and I have been estranged for ~5 years now and there are a lot of hard feelings (I would imagine on both sides). She is not a stable person and being in her orbit destabilizes me very quickly. I don't think reconciliation is an option, but I know I need to do something about these feelings, fears, and resentments or I'm not going to move past them into my own health.

So this is huge.  I have a lot of pressure with my mother related to weight loss, but the fact that you can start seeing where things went wrong and start to think through the idea of why and how each instance here made you feel, that is amazing. I am not sure what happened with your mother, but I think working through your own thing while staying away will be helpful - get yourself straight before you do anything else. 

It is important to work on you, and you should not sabotage yourself or stop your goals because you fear of what others will think or do. Something happened regarding your mother, but - and i have to remind myself all the time, you are not her. You are amazing you!


ALSO - I hope you feel better!! Being sick sucks