[Heidi]

 

 

Midsummer June 12- July 23: Take Root

Yoga, meditation, anti-inflammatory foods, acupuncture, sound healing, love.

This Druid challenge I’m focusing on a single element: The Root. 

 

Grounded. I made some significant strides with being grounded last challenge, and this challenge I’m looking to focus on that and deepen it. From stillness comes strength. Strong roots that run deep provide the stability to weather the storm. It’s been noted in recent research that deep roots in old forests act as a communication network, allowing the trees to sense what is happening and respond, from restorative rains to rampaging wildfires, and to act accordingly in their own best interests. The Sanskrit word for root is muladhara, and from the root we receive our security and balance, our ability to be in harmony with the world, no matter what might come our way.  It is associated with the color red,  the slowest of all the hues in the spectrum. It serves as a reminder of our inextricable connection with Mother Earth.

 

Nourish Flower and urban farm shares (including eggs!) and farm fresh vegetables are populating my pantry once again. I love this time of year. There’s a lot going on with needing to wash, prep and store the bounty, and then turn it into the wonderful meals that are waiting. My kidneys in particular are looking forward to this, and to the beets that are surely on their way. I’m looking to deepen my sense of abundance and sit with the miracle that is the power of the earth to produce food. All my needs are met, if I can meet the universe’s gifts.

 

Creative Power, I haven’t felt very powerful over the last few years, and even my creativity has felt diminished. Deepening my sense of boundaries and allowing myself to take up space is essential to having personal power. The foundation of this is a strong and powerful connection with my center and with the ground. The result is an ability to express my boundaries and personal power in a loving and rooted way. 

 

Plans: This is summer, and before I was offered the job I had said yes to a whole host of summertime dogsitting. I’m honoring those commitments while also saying no to any future engagements. This is difficult for me, but necessary. I need time in my life for rest, the first part of the word restoration. I cannot be present and available when I’m depleted and scattering my energy all around. 

 

Bask : Acupuncture and milk each week help me heal and deepen my glow. I have signed up for restorative yoga sessions on every other Friday that are like a deep meditation session, and I’ll add those where and when I can.

 

Love Visitation is supposed to be expanding, but it isn’t. Encouraging this with firm compassion is going to take some deep calm, deep wisdom, and deep love. 

 

[Heidi]

This upcoming week starts off with the hardest single piece of the challenge: the monthly communication session. Added to the stress of the session itself is the time requirement: an hour away, this means I have 3 hours away from work, dogsitting, and all the (many) other things going on just now. Friends, it's been a long time since I've had this much going on, and that was a feature, not a bug.

 

M: 7 things. It's a busy day, and the last 2 things are restorative.

T: 2 things, one of them very long.

W: 3 things, more manageable.

R: 1 thing. 

F: 4 things 

S: 4 things

U: 2 things

[DarK_RaideR]

Here to watch and support you, even if I'm not vocalizing it as much as I'd want to. Sending out good vibes for the communication session.

[Heidi]

2 minutes ago, DarK_RaideR said:

Here to watch and support you, even if I'm not vocalizing it as much as I'd want to. Sending out good vibes for the communication session.

Thanks for the good thoughts! Always good to have you along.

 

I'm awake and making tea.

The universe loves me and wants me to be happy.

[Tanktimus the Encourager]

May the tea flow down to your roots and back up again. The things shall be done, and you shall be well.

[Heidi]

4 hours ago, Tanktimus the Encourager said:

May the tea flow down to your roots and back up again. The things shall be done, and you shall be well.

In fact, all is indeed well.

 

I started getting dizzy and my eyes were twitching, so I took Jenna up on her offer to drive. This is wisdom.

I drove to the loft, turned the thermostat up and watered the plants before I changed into Real Person™ clothes and headed on out the door.

The session went well enough. Sunday visitation begins this week, with two hours that will increase over time, and a target date of overnights was mentioned. This is progress. There was pushback and ‘yeah but what about’ and it doesn’t matter, much, really. There is more work to be done, and it is the work of love. 

 

After the session, I drove back from the loft parking lot to the dog house and logged in with a couple minutes to spare. This is good. There is a new project waiting for me to design, implement and deliver in the next few days, and that’s all good too.  After work is acupuncture and then pinball, if I’m up for it. These are good things to have on the list.

[Heidi]

Update: Head is a wreck and I need to stay put.

I just cancelled acupuncture and pinball.

 

These sessions take a lot out of me.

[Tanktimus the Encourager]

Heal up.

[DarK_RaideR]

2 hours ago, Heidi said:

These sessions take a lot out of me.

No surprise there. Kudos for not pushing through and being wise about it.

[Heidi]

2 hours ago, DarK_RaideR said:

No surprise there. Kudos for not pushing through and being wise about it.

In fact, this is exactly what I did.

I ordered delivery while soaking in the tub.

Such a good piece of advice, thank you, Ranger!

[Heidi]

Love doesn't just sit there, like a stone, it has to be made, like bread; remade all the time, made new.

 

Ursula K. Le Guin 

 

[Heidi]

Today is my long day at work — we have a code release every Tuesday and the code team sit and watch it update during the release. That way if anything major breaks, we can fix it on the spot.

 

I had a great meeting with my — dunno what to call her, actually. She’s basically a project manager. I really like her, and during our meeting today she said that she told our boss that he did great when he hired me. This helps.

 

The therapist emailed the schedule and it’s as awful as I thought. I’m resistant to giving pushback against anything that has more time, so I’m sitting with this. The whole thing is a bit of a crap show, but it’s a crap show that is getting me more time with Vivian, so there’s no downside here. I do want to give pushback against the policing and the constant sense that we are looking for opportunities to stop having time together.

 

There were combatting storm fronts overnight, and then they finally resolved into a thunderstorm and buckets of rain this morning. The rain actually left me feeling better, but now the weather fronts are in competition again, and my brain is already tired from a long day, so I offered my vegetables for the week to Jenna—I’m not driving anywhere.

 

The good news is that even with all the weirdness, I am still able to work. It’s the walking/standing/talking/driving that is difficult.

The stress of the post-session email doesn’t help, not one little bit.

 

I’m looking forward to a long bath after I log out of work this evening.

 

[Heidi]

Look, this head is a nightmare, no doubt. The bath helped, and I slept. This morning, I woke before dawn, dizzy and hurting and sick, and then made my way downstairs to make tea and take a pill. Sick again, but the pill seems to have had enough time to do its thing, and I caught an important rest period before waking up again at 730, feeling somewhat better and able to face the day. Strength is great, but purposeful direction is everything. I sat with that as I logged in to work, and then through the first meeting, which was a doozy. (Friends I have never been so glad for mute: I gasped in shock at the idiocy of the presenter at the end of the meeting, and fortunately I don't have to work with him, to the point that my boss sent a text saying: forget this path.)

 

Anyway, I felt stronger as the day went on, held by being grounded, letting the strength come to me instead of the other way around. This was wisdom. The day accidentally ended up being 10 hours long (again), and I'll sort out what that means for me tomorrow.

 

Then, after work, while eating a wonderful salad of greens and veggies that I'd had delivered earlier (Instacart saved the day, here in dogsitting headache land), I was watching the penultimate episode of Dropout, (the folks here have Hulu, and it's at the top of my Hulu list) feeling pretty good about my path, feeling that stillness maybe is more powerful than strength, and this scene happened like a message from the universe:

Can I get an amen?

Vivian's flowers were delivered today.

She and I had a video call and she's just amazing.

 

For all it's difficulty at the beginning, today is in fact a good day, mostly because I stayed still and rooted. This is the Way.

[Heidi]

Secrets of the universe revealed: there was a derecho that came through Monday night / Tuesday morning. No wonder my head was an unholy mess.

[Heidi]

Today was a really good day, except for another meeting with the same guy as yesterday. It made me question reality. I ended the meeting early and talked with my PM, and all will be well (ie: no more meetings with this guy). Everything else is good.

 

I kept meaning to eat and forgetting to, then not eating much when I remembered and prepared something. Friends, it's just too hot to digest much.

 

It feels like thunderstorms are heading this way again, so I'm heading out to the sauna in advance. Looking forward to some deep rest tonight.

[Heidi]

60 mile an hour winds.

Quarter-size hail.

Non-stop lightning.

 

This storm is just gorgeous.

 

There can be only one.

[Tanktimus the Encourager]

I love a powerful thunderstorm.

[Heidi]

5 hours ago, Tanktimus the Encourager said:

I love a powerful thunderstorm.

I do too, and I'm pleased to very quietly report that I was able to enjoy it without pain.

 

Another squall is coming through, this time with sense lightning, 70 mile per hour wind, and golf ball sized hail. We're on alert from 1-5 p.m. for some serious weather, and friends, I am so very ready for a nap.

 

One meeting left.

[Sovalis]

Hi Heidi! I'm so glad you were able to enjoy that one storm without pain and that Vivian liked her flowers. 💜 I love the focus on the root in your challenge, it's wonderful. Looking forward to following along! Hope you're okay with the current weather situation! 

[Jarric]

On 6/13/2022 at 3:31 AM, Heidi said:

deep calm, deep wisdom, and deep love. 

 

I love this - these are good things to have, and good things to strive for.

 

Wishing for more cool storms and fewer headaches for you.

[Heidi]

On 6/17/2022 at 6:08 PM, Sovalis said:

Hi Heidi! I'm so glad you were able to enjoy that one storm without pain and that Vivian liked her flowers. 💜 I love the focus on the root in your challenge, it's wonderful. Looking forward to following along! Hope you're okay with the current weather situation! 

It was rough last night, as rough as it's been in a very long time. I got in a bad enough space that I took a pill I texted a friend to come sit with me at the dog house. She did, and it was truly a blessing to be able to reach out and not to be alone. Once I was on the mend, we had some frank conversation that was overdue and very centering, and then we watched an episode and just hung out as friends do. I got a few hours sleep before the morning packing out from Lola Dog and leaving for the next dog house (Luna), checking in and and setting up, the heading to the Loft to meet Vivian.

 

She and I had an excellent day. We went downtown and decided to stop in to the camping store to see if they had a lid for her travel cup. Friends, we walked out with a tent, a sleeping bag, a camp chair, a sleeping pad, a compressible camp pillow, a footprint for the tent, a woven frisbee, a hat, a shirt, and some stickers. These are all things that have been on our list for over a year, and something just felt right about taking the leap today. For the record, no, we did not get a lid for her cup.

 

(More pics on Instagram)

After the camping goods haul, we loaded everything into and onto her little backpack and made our way to the pinball museum. It was a glorious sight and she decided it might need to be redistributed a bit when we go hiking. 

 

Pinball was the best ever, and the Starcade had an Xbox Kinect set up with a StarWars game that was truly fun. Back at the loft, we ate pizza and I took another pill -- I could feel my head starting to act up again. 

 

We're both looking forward to getting together tomorrow, though we haven't made any definite plans for the time just yet.

 

After I sent her off with her dad, I drove to Luna's and fed the dogs and the myself . I took a six ounce cut of local grass-fed top sirloin and cubed it, diced two beets, two spring onions, and half a small head of broccoli from the farm vegetable bag. I put A1 (don't yell at me--this is my favorite beef cooking shortcut for when I travel) and some butter in a large skillet and let it heat to medium high, the put the beef in first and the vegetables on top. I covered it and let it do its thing while I tore up some buttecrunch leaves into a bowl and chopped half a cucumber, two radishes, and added the spring onion tops, then drizzled the whole thing with olive oil and some balsamic vinegar. 

 

I stirred the vegetables and beef and popped a pouch of ready rice into the microwave, stirring the saute mix some more while the rice cooked. It took about 20 minutes, all told, and I had a lovely dinner, a second glass of milk (I drank the first one while cooking), and had a pot of tea perking while I washed the pan, bowls, and cutting board.

 

I am tired but fulfilled.

 

Also, the constancy of the dogsitting schedule is once again proving to be a gift from the universe. The storm created havoc at the loft building. My apartment is fine, but the pool flooded, the basement flooded, the rooftop terrace flooded, and everything smells a bit off. The water from the tap tastes funny. I'm glad to have other accommodations while this all gets sorted out. (And yes, I'm considering finding another apartment, but wow, that's a lot of effort and expense with no guarantee that the next place will be any better.)

 

For now, it is enough that I have peace even in times of suffering, I have friendship, I have love, I have wonderful food,  and I have a smiling girl who can't wait to go camping.

 

Life is good.

[Tanktimus the Encourager]

My heart is full for you. So glad you had a good day.

[Sovalis]

What a fabulous day! 😁

[WolfDreamer]

Hello friend. Sorry I haven't been in touch much lately. But I love your challenge, and I am proud  you for the progress you have made, and I am here to support you all the way.

 

On 6/17/2022 at 12:53 AM, Heidi said:

60 mile an hour winds.

Quarter-size hail.

Non-stop lightning.

 

This storm is just gorgeous.

 

There can be only one.

 

We had one here, as well, and it was just mild enough to watch it from my front porch.

 

On 6/17/2022 at 8:03 AM, Tanktimus the Encourager said:

I love a powerful thunderstorm.

 

Same.

 

11 hours ago, Heidi said:

I am tired but fulfilled

 

Such a wonderful feeling. I am happy for you.

[Heidi]

On 6/18/2022 at 10:16 PM, Tanktimus the Encourager said:

My heart is full for you. So glad you had a good day.

❤️ 

On 6/19/2022 at 12:08 AM, Sovalis said:

What a fabulous day! 😁

It really was!

On 6/19/2022 at 8:52 AM, WolfDreamer said:

Hello friend. Sorry I haven't been in touch much lately. But I love your challenge, and I am proud  you for the progress you have made, and I am here to support you all the way.

 

Such a wonderful feeling. I am happy for you.

Glad you dropped by. Welcome! Sharing the joy increases it, always.

 

How is it Wednesday already?

Monday I was wiped out. I was so tired that I clocked out for “lunch” and took a nap, which was exactly as restorative as it should be. I’m so glad I work remote. Honestly, I will never go back to an office. NOPE.

Then yesterday was long, with many moving parts, including actually physically moving from the dog house back to the Loft. I ended up in meetings most of the day, and then at the end of the last one, got asked to do a report on a large spreadsheet, and delivered that about an hour later. Even with my break to relocate, it was still a solid ten hour day. I spent about an hour afterward just staring at the wall. Before I could think again. I ended up watching the latest episode of The Time Traveler’s Wife, which I am enjoying. I brushed my teeth and was about to turn off the light when I noticed an email from Vivian’s dad, a response to my suggestion (four days ago) about expanding visitation on Sundays. He, predictably, was mildly outraged at my suggestions [shockface.gif] and I rolled my eyes so hard it looked like eye yoga [BoredNow.gif]. 

 

Friends, I don’t know what has come over me but I’m 100% okay with it: usually I would have forwarded this to the attorney and drafted a response together. NOPE, not this time. I went full-on Paladin and wrote back straightaway, saying that his response is unsurprising since he has found every single chage to be too soon or too aggressive or too much, and then the change happens and it’s smooth and fine, and this is because Vivian and I have done so very much work and because we have the therapist as a facilitator. I went on to ask how many 4 hour visits he suggests before we move to 8 hours on Sunday. I ended with “oh, by the way, I’d like more video phone chats with Vivian. What schedule do you recommend?” and then hit send. It’s sure to be interesting whenever he decides to respond. Whatever. I’m not here to make him comfortable; I’m here to support my relationship with my daughter.

 

The Big Mood and Long Day left me more than ready to sleep. I woke up with a pre-migraine feeling, sort of like what i hear it is to be hungover. I took a Maxalt, and by 9 it had worked its magic. I realized I have been reluctant to take a pill, and that I have equated it with a sense of failing. Again, this is ridiculous, and thankfully I seem to be over that.

 

It was a very busy day. I had a great session of testing with the PM, and there were a couple unplanned meetings along the way. I talked with the recruiter about how it was going, and also had a phone call with my therapist. These are all good things. By the end of the day, I had both my boss and the PM texting me about what a great addition I am to the team. I don’t need a lot of kudos, but getting them is nice feedback that they are liking my work as much as I am liking doing it, so that was really nice.

 

After work today, the Jedi Council had their monthly meeting. It was really great to catch up with Friends. Jenna brought over my milk and flowers delivery  (FLOWERS! SNAPDRAGONS! WOW!) in exchange for a half gallon of milk and a dozen eggs. This was very helpful, and I spent about an hour replenishing items in the dogsitting supplies box so that I’m ready for the relocation tomorrow after work.

 

There’s a storm rolling in, but my head feels fine for now. I think I’ll go up on the rooftop terrace and watch it come in. the feeling of rain-laced storm winds is always a glory to me. Then maybe an episode of Umbrella Academy before sleep.

 

May you have peace this day.

🦋