[Severine]

I started on here in 2016. The TLDR is that I met some inspiring, intelligent, and funny people and made some progress on my goals for several years (rock climbing! mental health! C25K! intuitive eating to battle an eating disorder!), and then I got cancer at the end of 2018 and had surgery for it in early 2019. Unsurprisingly, it turned my life upside down and recovery was challenging. I was just starting to get my shit back together when the pandemic hit.

 

A few months ago, I moved internationally (from Boston, USA to Vancouver, Canada). There are a lot of positive aspects to the move, but being in an unfamiliar city is still hard, and I don't know anyone here (the feelings of alienation are real). I know that I need community and accountability to do anything other than spin my wheels, so I'm respawning here yet again, thanks to (1) the incredible patience of @fleaball, who always texts to remind me when a new challenge is starting, and (2) finally mustering the wherewithal to confront the dauntingly gigantic mountain of goals and problems I need to tackle.

 

I am smarter and stronger in some ways than when I started in 2016 (and I definitely understand myself better), but I am also facing new challenges, including being in an unfamiliar city and dealing with the lifelong impacts of having my thyroid surgically removed. Also, moving meant losing my awesome therapist and nutritionist, and replacing them is on my (disgustingly long) to-do list.

 

Current most pressing problems:

• My sleep is a mess. Insomnia, irregular sleep schedule, terrible sleep hygiene.
• Anemia. Recent bloodwork revealed this (I was almost glad, since it might explain why I'm always so tired) and I want to get it sorted. My doctor has me on iron supplements for three months to see if it helps.
• I'm in terrible shape right now. I get winded super easily and my resting heart rate is way higher than it used to be.
• I'm overweight to the point that it's impacting my physical abilities and feels bad.
• I'm not eating as healthily as I want to be. Also, disordered eating habits resurfaced during the chaos of the pandemic and the move and I am finding it hard to get back on track.
• My focus and concentration are not where I want them to be, and I think this is in part due to some mental health stuff.
• I have to do yearly follow-up scans and tests to make sure my cancer is still in remission and it's a source of some stress for me. I actually have a scan coming up on Monday, so wish me luck.

The good news:

• I found a family doctor almost immediately after moving here, and I like him so far. Health care costs are not a worry thanks to a combination of the universal public plan and a work-provided extras plan that covers things like nutritionist visits.
• My blood pressure, cholesterol, etc. are all fine.
• I have an interesting job that I like, and I work from home, which means more time to devote to goals or interests.
• I have a happy and supportive home life.
• I've made real progress on health-related goals in the past, so I know it's possible.

 

MY ACTUAL PLAN

Anyway, the main question is what to tackle first. I need to take it slowly to avoid overwhelm, and I want to avoid the all-or-nothing mentality that has screwed me in the past. So here's my plan (suggestions/feedback welcome):

 

1. MOVEMENT: Walk every day: ideally I'd like to walk about 30 min a day, but for this respawn I'll count anything, even five minutes up and down the block. This is more about building the habit than anything else.
2. IRON: Take my iron supplement every day (with dinner).
3. NO ADDED SUGAR: Eventually, I want to tackle a lot of food goals, but this is an important first step. I've been working on reducing my intake of sweets lately, and I want to go back to avoiding them altogether (I did so for over six months in 2021 and it really made me feel better). Only things with added sugar count; fruit and other natural sources of sugar are fine.
4. SUPPORT: Search for local nutritionists/dietitians and make at least one enquiry with someone who looks promising (I already found a potential therapist who seems like a good fit, and I am on his waiting list).

 

I still need to make a sweet tracking spreadsheet, but I'll post it here once I have.

[Tanktimus the Encourager]

Hi Sev, here to offer support as you rebuild your life in Vancouver. 

[fleaball]

Oh hey, I know you!

[Elastigirl]

Welcome back!

[Athaclena]

Welcome BACK! The one time I was in Vancouver, I almost abandoned our Alaska cruise to find a job. I fell in love with that city immediately

[sarakingdom]

Awesome challenge goals, and Vancouver is an awesome city!

[Severine]

Thanks everyone! It's good to be back, and it feels refreshing to have a few concrete goals to focus on instead of an unassailable mass of problems.

 

Vancouver is indeed beautiful (picture below!), but housing is insanely expensive here, and the weather has been pretty crap since we arrived (a much colder and wetter spring than normal, and we are currently in the midst of what the locals call "Juneuary" because it's June 18 and today it's 14C/57F) so I confess I've had a few dark days when I felt less than charitable about my new home. I know that this can be fixed by (1) meeting people and (2) getting outdoors more. Both of those things will be a lot easier if I can make progress on my health, fitness, and sleep goals.

 

It's simultaneously great and frustrating that healthy decisions make other healthy decisions so much easier. That virtuous cycle is great when you're in it...but when you're in a rut and your previous bad choices are making it that much harder to make good choices, it can feel so bloody insurmountable. My main goal this challenge is to gather some positive momentum and just start rolling in the right direction for a change.

 

[Sovalis]

Welcome to Canada! *Waves from Alberta*

 

Here to cheer you on! 

[Severine]

2 hours ago, Sovalis said:

Welcome to Canada! *Waves from Alberta*

 

Here to cheer you on! 

 

Thanks! Although it's technically 'welcome back.' I was born and raised in Toronto and its environs but moved to Boston in 2008 after falling in love with one of those dastardly Americans. We lived there for 13 years, during which time I acquired US citizenship (making me now officially a dual citizen, or 'Canaderican' in our household lexicon), but we've been eyeing a move north to the land of Shreddies and nanaimo bars for some time, and when my partner's company approved his transfer to the Vancouver office, we jumped on it.

 

I've never been to Alberta, but visiting is high on my list of west coast to-dos.

[Severine]

It's the last day of Week Zero, so the chart doesn't yet look like much, but it's still a chart. I do enjoy a good chart.

I went for a short walk around the neighbourhood with my peeps (23 minutes) and then spent another ~15 minutes mowing the lawn, which was humbling because I was bloody exhausted afterward. Just a few years ago, I was working 10+ hours a day at a physically demanding job and going rock climbing with friends after work. I know it's not productive to dwell on comparisons to the past, but the thoughts are there.  😣

 

Also, I feel like pointing out that local rules mean it's technically the landlord's job to handle lawn care, but this place is an insanely good deal by Vancouver standards ($2650 for a smallish three-bedroom bungalow, minus the basement which is a separate apartment) so I suck it up and mow. Womp womp. I don't mind the work, but I dislike the ecological nightmare that is the modern monoculture lawn so I somewhat resent having to maintain one. If it were up to me, all that grass would be torn up and replaced with perennial flowers and shrubs, and maybe a little rock garden.

 

Managed to successfully go my first day with no added sugar, and it wasn't too bad aside from a couple moments when I felt stressed or flustered and my instinctive reaction was to eat something sugary. Note that I'm calling it a victory at 9:21pm partially to prevent myself from eating any chocolate later tonight 😅

[Jean]

Woah, woah, woah, look who's back!

 

 

So glad you made it back here and thanks to @fleaball for making that miracle happen.

 

Glad you've found a family doctor you're happy with and heartfelt congrats on having gone through all those hardships and still stand.

 

Tardigrades never die! Let's get the no-sugar-added party rolling!

 

 

[KeysMcGee]

On 6/18/2022 at 7:16 AM, Severine said:

I've made real progress on health-related goals in the past, so I know it's possible.

This counts for a lot. I say milk it for all it's worth.

9 hours ago, Severine said:

I don't mind the work, but I dislike the ecological nightmare that is the modern monoculture lawn so I somewhat resent having to maintain one. If it were up to me, all that grass would be torn up and replaced with perennial flowers and shrubs, and maybe a little rock garden.

I've been a big fan of replacing lawns with gardens, and have liked all the ones I've seen thus far.

 

Great challenge! You got this!

[Athaclena]

11 hours ago, Severine said:

dislike the ecological nightmare that is the modern monoculture lawn

Same! We aren't maintaining the little semblance of one we have in the new digs - and it's getting ripped out this fall (the front - the back of the 12 acres will be SOMEWHAT maintained for chickens - just can't let it get too high). The front will become paths and raised beds where I will grow FOOD (and flowers).

You're doing EXCELLENT - it sucks that your health will have to target "not where you were a few years ago" - but be gentle with yourself. I never rock climbed, but I hate realizing that at 50 I'll never make it back to my best fitness level. I'm just going for being able to handle hikes of a few miles with some hills

[Severine]

9 hours ago, Jean said:

Woah, woah, woah, look who's back!

 

So glad you made it back here and thanks to @fleaball for making that miracle happen.

 

Glad you've found a family doctor you're happy with and heartfelt congrats on having gone through all those hardships and still stand.

 

Tardigrades never die! Let's get the no-sugar-added party rolling!

 

Haha oui, je suis de retour! Good to see you again and thanks for the kind words. I'll have to check out your challenge (if you're doing one atm). And yeah, @fleaball is a good influence on me.

 

8 hours ago, KeysMcGee said:

This counts for a lot. I say milk it for all it's worth.

 

Great challenge! You got this!

 

Thanks for the encouragement 😊  Every time I get down about the fact that I'm re-treading ground I've covered before (in terms of getting fit, losing weight, etc.) I try to reframe it as a more positive thing. I have more experience now, I know it's possible, etc. It doesn't always work, but it's better than just wallowing  😄

 

5 hours ago, Athaclena said:

Same! We aren't maintaining the little semblance of one we have in the new digs - and it's getting ripped out this fall (the front - the back of the 12 acres will be SOMEWHAT maintained for chickens - just can't let it get too high). The front will become paths and raised beds where I will grow FOOD (and flowers).

You're doing EXCELLENT - it sucks that your health will have to target "not where you were a few years ago" - but be gentle with yourself. I never rock climbed, but I hate realizing that at 50 I'll never make it back to my best fitness level. I'm just going for being able to handle hikes of a few miles with some hills

 

Twelve acres! I'm so jealous. When it comes time to plan and then plant, let me know if you want to geek out. I may not be running a veggie/flower farm anymore, but I still love growing things and geeking out about anything botanical. I also have experience with tractors, mowers, mobile fencing for poultry and small livestock, etc.

 

And yeah, the cancer experience and getting older have been a surreal voyage of coming to terms with never 100% getting back to where I was. My thyroid is gone and it's gone forever, and being dependent on commercially-produced replacement hormone is an odd feeling (when people joke about what their jobs would be in the zombie apocalypse, it feels weird to not be able to join in because hey, I'd be dead not long after the pharmaceutical factories shut down). Less dramatically, with fitness, I know I'm still capable of a lot and I don't want to limit my ambitions, but I have a few old injuries whose effects can't be trained away, and my 2021 wrist surgery got my wrist to about 95% of normal (which I am deeply grateful for), but there are still certain activities I need to avoid. I'm not trying to whine here, as I am profoundly grateful for what modern medicine has been able to do for me, but there is a slight grieving process involved in accepting my new limits with grace.

 

That being said, I have had some good role models who prove how much is possible in middle age and beyond. There was a woman at my old climbing gym, for example. Easily 60 years old, probably older. Gorgeous grey hair. She'd clearly had her share of injuries, because she climbed with braces on one knee, both wrists, and one shoulder. And yet, she was a total badass. There were certain routes she couldn't do, but that didn't stop her from attacking the others with determination and style. She was fearless and confident and just radiated an aura of being comfortable in her own skin. And then, when I go hiking, I'm huffing and puffing on the route while super fit elderly couples pass me (making conversation as they walk!) and I just smile and think YES THAT IS WHAT I WANT. Maybe it's not impressive to other people, and sure it's less than I might have been capable of at 25, but I think it would feel good to live like that, and ultimately that's what I'm after.

[Severine]

A good day despite my background nervousness about tomorrow's scan.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

[Marauder]

Good luck with the scan today!!  I’m a fellow zero-thyroid although for different disease, same outcome. It’s a long story.  It’s wild and never really the same to use replacement but thank heavens we have it!!

 

Walking is such an underrated exercise. I still think it’s one of the best things we can do for our long term health. 
 

I hear you on needing a community and that’s why I ventured back to NF too. ❤️
 

We got this!

[Athaclena]

My mother had one thyroid node removed when I was very young - then the other node started "growing" a few years ago. Back when just half was removed they wouldn't remove the entire thing - but nowadays they do because - well - they'll end up having to remove the rest later. She's been on thyroid meds for at least 40 years - and it's mostly been a struggle with finding the right specialist rather than managing with a Primary. Some things (and anything endocrine related) really just need a specialist. After the last surgery, she saw a big difference with being able to find the right dosage AND not have it swing all the time.

But I also hear you on the SHTF scenario with meds. I try not to think about living without basic painkillers for my headache\migraines.....

[RES]

Good luck today!

16 hours ago, Severine said:

but there is a slight grieving process involved in accepting my new limits with grace.

Learning to accept your bodies limitations can be tough, remembering not to give up because of them can be tougher. You will get there,  

 

[Tanktimus the Encourager]

Between asthma and blood pressure I'd last a little longer than someone without a Thyroid, but not much. I don't particularly fancy the idea of struggling through the aftermath of a societal collapse to be perfectly honest.

[Severine]

The scan went smoothly, for the most part. The imaging place is located in a mall that I'd never been to before, and the mall didn't open until 10am, but my appointment was at 8:45. Cue me wandering around for 15 minutes trying to find an open entrance before realizing there was one designated door to access the clinic. At least I got some steps in.

 

The main wrinkle: since my previous scan was down in Boston in 2021, these people didn't have my records. About a month ago, I navigated the MGH administrative maze and paid to have a DVD mailed to me with the scan images. I had called ahead to the new place to explain that I had a DVD  that the radiologist would need for comparison and they told me to bring it with me to the appointment. Front desk person, however, had no idea what to do with my DVD, and wasn't exactly enthusiastic at first when I intimated that she needed to find out. I used a technique I like in such situations: thanking the person for the thing you want them to do but they haven't actually done yet. I told her I was very grateful for her compassion and understanding about how important cancer follow-ups were, and that I really appreciated her willingness to go out of her way to find the answer. It seemed to work? She was nicer to me, and then off she went to talk to her manager and the radiologist, and thankfully in a few minutes she had it sorted.

 

The scan itself was fine, other than the less-than-awesome sensation of an ultrasound wand smushing my throat. The technician was super nice and I really appreciate it when they heat up the ultrasound gel in advance. Now just need to wait for the results. As usual, I feel a little better now that the scan is done. One step closer to being able to forget about this for another year.

 

6 hours ago, Marauder said:

Good luck with the scan today!!  I’m a fellow zero-thyroid although for different disease, same outcome. It’s a long story.  It’s wild and never really the same to use replacement but thank heavens we have it!!

 

Walking is such an underrated exercise. I still think it’s one of the best things we can do for our long term health.

 

Hey, athyrotic buddy. And yeah, I'm really thankful we have synthroid/levothyroxin, and that it doesn't really have any significant side effects.

 

I think walking is my favourite exercise in terms of pure enjoyment, and keeping my mobility into old age is a big priority for me (my grandmother is 87 and although she doesn't need a walker, she has some issues with her legs that really limit where she goes and what she attempts, and I want a less restricted life) so it's also incredibly practical.

 

Welcome back and I hope we both gather some serious positive momentum this challenge.

 

4 hours ago, Athaclena said:

My mother had one thyroid node removed when I was very young - then the other node started "growing" a few years ago. Back when just half was removed they wouldn't remove the entire thing - but nowadays they do because - well - they'll end up having to remove the rest later. She's been on thyroid meds for at least 40 years - and it's mostly been a struggle with finding the right specialist rather than managing with a Primary. Some things (and anything endocrine related) really just need a specialist. After the last surgery, she saw a big difference with being able to find the right dosage AND not have it swing all the time.

But I also hear you on the SHTF scenario with meds. I try not to think about living without basic painkillers for my headache\migraines.....

 

I'm really glad to hear that your mum is having a better time of it now. Getting the dosage in the right place and then keeping it stable can be super challenging. I hope she has a specialist she likes now. It's funny to think about how far things have advanced medically in just 40 years, too. Also, booooo migraines. I'm so sorry you have to deal with that. A close friend of mine is a longtime sufferer and I could fill a notebook with all the things she's tried to manage it.

 

And yeah, I only had confirmed cancer on one side (there was a "suspicious" nodule on the other side) so they gave me a choice between removing half or the whole thing. The potential benefit of removing only half would have been that some people with half a thyroid don't need artificial hormone replacement. Many do end up needing it anyway, however, and they warned me that if the other half developed cancer, I'd need a second surgery and it'd be more complicated than the first. Also, if they remove the whole thyroid, they can monitor your blood for a certain protein (thyroglobulin) as an early indicator of whether thyroid tissue (i.e., cancer) is coming back; however, if you still have part of your thyroid, your body is still producing this protein and thus it's obviously not a useful biomarker. So after a lot of research and thinking, I just decided to remove the whole thing. Hilariously, after I decided that, both my oncology surgeon and my endocrinologist emphatically said that they were pleased because that's what they would have recommended. I thought it interesting that they didn't just urge me to do what they thought was a medically superior choice. I suppose on the one hand it's good they let patients choose, but if one choice really is objectively better, why not at least encourage it? Anyway, digression.

 

3 hours ago, RES said:

Good luck today!

Learning to accept your bodies limitations can be tough, remembering not to give up because of them can be tougher. You will get there,  

 

 

That's a very snappy way of putting it 😀 I totally agree. Just because 100% isn't achievable doesn't mean it's not worth it to fight like hell to get to 90%.

 

2 hours ago, Tanktimus the Encourager said:

Between asthma and blood pressure I'd last a little longer than someone without a Thyroid, but not much. I don't particularly fancy the idea of struggling through the aftermath of a societal collapse to be perfectly honest.

 

Yeah, I think a lot of people who haven't lived through violence/scarcity/hardship have a wildly romanticized view of what it'd be like to live through something like that. I think that the appeal of post-apocalyptic fiction is actually a sign of problems in our society: people trapped in empty jobs and disillusioned with society's ills yearn for a life where it feels like their day-to-day choices matter and they're working for something concrete and meaningful, so the idea of rebuilding from the rubble seems exciting and hopeful. In reality, any significant social breakdown would mean unimaginable suffering, violence, and cruelty, and I hope none of us ever live to see such a thing. Even before my surgery, I long ago accepted that I wouldn't make it in a SHTF scenario because I'm not prepared to fight other people for resources.

[Countess D'If]

 

 

IT IS SO GOOD TO SEE YOU BACK

[KeysMcGee]

4 hours ago, Severine said:

I used a technique I like in such situations: thanking the person for the thing you want them to do but they haven't actually done yet.

I'm stealing this one.

[RES]

5 hours ago, Severine said:

That's a very snappy way of putting it 😀 I totally agree. Just because 100% isn't achievable doesn't mean it's not worth it to fight like hell to get to 90%.

 

I try (more than peoples patience)  but I really really like how you phrased it! I may borrow that, who am I kidding, I'm totally stealing borrowing it!

 

[Severine]

Success today! I walked the same route as yesterday but was three minutes faster because I walked alone. Funny how I always walk faster when alone even when I feel like I'm going the same speed.

 

I had pizza and chicken wings for lunch and started to get all judgy on myself, but then I reminded myself that my challenge is focused on certain things that do not involve limiting pizza or wings, and I am not interested in slipping into the perfection-or-despair trap. Pizza and wings are fine for now as long as I'm avoiding sugar, walking, and taking my iron supplement. Take that, brainweasels.

 

Also, I started searching for nutritionists/dietitians! It's intimidating and stressful. I'm filtering the available providers to only look at people who specifically say they (1) have experience working with people who have a history of eating disorders and (2) use an intuitive eating and non-restrictive approach, so in theory any of them should be suitable, but personality/fit matter too, and if I don't feel comfortable around the person, it won't work. It's an important choice, yet it's impossible to tell much from a blurb and a photo, so the chances of a mismatch are discouragingly non-zero. I'm trying to remind myself that just going to one or two appointments doesn't lock me in to working with someone I don't like, but honestly, I loathe the idea of having to tell someone I am looking elsewhere after just a couple visits! Just the idea makes me cringe. Sigh. Growth mindset though, right? I need to remember that I can be uncomfortable about something and still do it.

[Bean Sidhe]

Hi, I am here to say Hi. Will catch up later, but I am so super happy to see you back.