[h3r0]

 

Hello all. I have missed a few challenges here lately but I haven't forgotten about everyone here. I wish I could say that the time away has been productive but the honest truth is that it has been rough. 

 

I have struggled with anxiety for a long time but it has steadily gotten worse over time until it was really impacting my daily life very negatively. I have stubbornly resisted any professional help, medication, or really even admitting it is even a problem to anyone, preferring a stoic facade and suffering in silence. After having multiple panic attacks in a week I finally had to admit to myself that I needed help and couldn't do it alone. 

 

I finally reached out and got councling and medication. The meds help immensely and my anxiety is not completely gone but it is at least not dialed up to 11 and I can put some distance between it and myself and be objective about things. A nice side effect is suddenly I am sleeping like a rock. Getting enough sleep has always been a struggle for me. I guess I should have guessed that my anxiety issues were a part of the problem but it never occurred to me. The councling has just started so TBD at the moment. 

 

 

 

Challenge Goals 

 

1. Mental Health 

 

Obviously the main goal right now. Get dialed in with meds, councling schedule, and work with the exercises that she is giving me to help with anxiety. 

 

2. Exercise 

 

I haven't been completely sedentary but I have lost a lot of my prior strength and muscle. Goal is to get back into a regular routine. Barbells always make me feel better. 

 

Sorry to puke out all my issues in my challenge but I am making a effort to be more open about what is going on with me here and in the real world which is terrifying but part of my issues. 

[h3r0]

Met with my therapist today. Mostly just went over background stuff and issues. My homework for next time is to document any times that I feel anxiety so we can look for patterns and try out different tools. It's a start. 

[Scaly Freak]

The thread title caught my attention. The posts even more so.

 

I was wondering where you were, and I'm glad to see you're back. Dealing with anxiety is so draining and scary... you deserve to be given a lot of credit for facing it and taking steps to address it, by others but mainly from yourself. Anxiety is indeed a monster, one that is slippery and at times difficult to pin down, and can be terrifying to face. It's a brave thing to do. One might even say it is h3r0ic  

[Aquarii]

I relate to this so much. I struggled with anxiety for years and years, refusing to get any kind of help. But I finally did, and it has been immensely helpful. Taking that steps to acknowledge you need help and to ask for it takes strength. I commend you for that. 

[h3r0]

Training 

 

Halos 

Shin box 

 

I've lost a lot of flexibility. 

 

3x5 Bench Press 95#

3x5 Goblet Squats 16 kg 

1x5 Trap Bar Deadlift 140# 

 

Sphinx pose 

Child pose 

 

A very light break in workout to get started. Going to follow a basic starting strength template. 

[h3r0]

Training 

 

Halos 

Shin box 

 

3x5 Goblet Squats 16 kg 

3x5 OHP 70#

1x5 Trap Bar Deadlift 160# 

 

Sphinx pose 

Child pose 

 

I took a much more narrower grip on the presses than I normally do and it really seemed more comfortable in the movement. 

[KB Girl]

Big kudos for getting help and facing this demon! I’m glad it has helped with sleep. Sleep is amazing. 

[h3r0]

Training 

 

3x5 Bench Press 100#
1x5 Trap Bar Deadlift 180#
sphinx pose

child pose

 

short on time this morning so cut some corners. 
 

mental health 

 

so I have been writing down all my anxiety incidents as homework from the therapist and I knew strangely real things that I should be anxious about don’t bother me but instead I have meltdowns over imaginary things I make up but just looking at them in black and white it is just ridiculous what I allow myself to get so worked up about. It’s not the point of this exercise and they are very real and upsetting to me in the moment. Just feel weird and embarrassed about seeing them written out. 
 

 

[KB Girl]

1 hour ago, h3r0 said:

so I have been writing down all my anxiety incidents as homework from the therapist and I knew strangely real things that I should be anxious about don’t bother me but instead I have meltdowns over imaginary things I make up but just looking at them in black and white it is just ridiculous what I allow myself to get so worked up about. It’s not the point of this exercise and they are very real and upsetting to me in the moment. Just feel weird and embarrassed about seeing them written out. 

For what it's worth.. it's always the small things for me too, I'll burst out in tears from dropping something on the floor or missing an ingredient for a meal I'd planned or have a near panic attack (don't get any real ones these days thankfully) from doing a perfectly routine intake at work. I think maybe it's also a way for some of that big stuff to express itself? 

[Scaly Freak]

5 hours ago, h3r0 said:

so I have been writing down all my anxiety incidents as homework from the therapist and I knew strangely real things that I should be anxious about don’t bother me but instead I have meltdowns over imaginary things I make up but just looking at them in black and white it is just ridiculous what I allow myself to get so worked up about. It’s not the point of this exercise and they are very real and upsetting to me in the moment. Just feel weird and embarrassed about seeing them written out. 

 

Why hello there Anxious Scaly Freak. Why are you posting in this thread?

 

For me the little things always become the last straw that makes everything collapse around me. The big things that make me anxious are either too important, too distant, or simply too big, for me to have a breakdown over them - I have to pay the bills regardless of how much or little money we have. I have to go to work and be productive. I can't afford to fall apart over these things.

 

Dropping the cap to my hydrating toner bottle when I'm trying to get through my skincare routine, on the other hand....? Full-on, tear filled, rage-infused meltdown.

 

And yes, I'm embarrassed about it too. But it's not weird. It's the nature of The Flame to be unpredictable.  

 

 

[Maigs]

Another fellow anxiety-filled person here. For me it's less catastrophizing and more feeling like I need to do 3,846,985 things right now, but when I actually try to organize my thoughts of what I nee to do I just sit there and churn. And yeah, like other have posted, one small inconvenience can send me off the ledge even though I handle the bigger crises fairly well

[h3r0]

On 8/4/2022 at 3:25 PM, KB Girl said:

 I think maybe it's also a way for some of that big stuff to express itself? 

idk maybe?

 

20 hours ago, Scaly Freak said:

Dropping the cap to my hydrating toner bottle when I'm trying to get through my skincare routine, on the other hand....? Full-on, tear filled, rage-infused meltdown.

mine is more paranoia induced. I obsessively obsess over some small thing and plot out a chain reaction from the butterfly wing flap to ridiculous extremes of jobless, homeless, etc. Then I sit for days or weeks waiting for the shoe to drop feeling doom and helplessness. Worse I can’t talk about it because that will somehow make it happen??? I don’t know, like I said I logically know that it’s ridiculous but it doesn’t change how I feel when it is going on. 
 

20 hours ago, Scaly Freak said:

And yes, I'm embarrassed about it too. But it's not weird. It's the nature of The Flame to be unpredictable.  

 

 

thank you 

 

[Scaly Freak]

2 hours ago, h3r0 said:

I obsessively obsess over some small thing and plot out a chain reaction from the butterfly wing flap to ridiculous extremes of jobless, homeless, etc. Then I sit for days or weeks waiting for the shoe to drop feeling doom and helplessness. Worse I can’t talk about it because that will somehow make it happen??? 

 

This used to be 100% of my time. I was baffled and very confused when I was in my late 20s and learned that that this wasn't normal. That not everyone lived like this, and perceived reality this way. I thought this paralyzing fear of everything, all the time, was just a normal part of growing up.  It was very unsettling to discover that, no, it's not. It's just me.

 

EDIT: Correction, it's not a paralyzing fear of everything. It's a paralyzing fear of everything that's outside my control, or unexpected, or unfamiliar. 

 

2 hours ago, h3r0 said:

I logically know that it’s ridiculous but it doesn’t change how I feel when it is going on. 

 

A suggestion, if I may? Try to break the habit of referring to symptoms of your anxiety as "ridiculous", or with some other word that has negative connotations.

 

The words we use about things shape how we think about these things, and how we think about them shape how we feel about them. So when you call your anxiety symptoms "ridiculous", your teaching your brain to look at your anxiety as something that is embarrassing and stupid. That doesn't seem to me like it would be helpful for mental health, or for dealing with the anxiety.  

[h3r0]

14 hours ago, Scaly Freak said:

 

This used to be 100% of my time. I was baffled and very confused when I was in my late 20s and learned that that this wasn't normal. That not everyone lived like this, and perceived reality this way. I thought this paralyzing fear of everything, all the time, was just a normal part of growing up.  It was very unsettling to discover that, no, it's not. It's just me.

 

and me. So we’re probably not alone in that 

 

14 hours ago, Scaly Freak said:

 

EDIT: Correction, it's not a paralyzing fear of everything. It's a paralyzing fear of everything that's outside my control, or unexpected, or unfamiliar. 

 

I think it’s control, at least for me. My therapist said it was trust. That it was that I don’t fully trust my decisions in certain situations. I don’t know if I believe  that. I’ll have to think about it more. 
 

15 hours ago, Scaly Freak said:

 

A suggestion, if I may? Try to break the habit of referring to symptoms of your anxiety as "ridiculous", or with some other word that has negative connotations.

 

The words we use about things shape how we think about these things, and how we think about them shape how we feel about them. So when you call your anxiety symptoms "ridiculous", your teaching your brain to look at your anxiety as something that is embarrassing and stupid. That doesn't seem to me like it would be helpful for mental health, or for dealing with the anxiety.  

You are correct. It is very much my default response and I do feel embarrassed by it. This is not something that I ever talk about or admit, even to myself. My coping mechanism has been to down play it, pretend it is unimportant, and doesn’t exist and march on. But obviously that doesn’t work so here I am. I will try something new. 
 

[Scaly Freak]

5 hours ago, h3r0 said:

You are correct. It is very much my default response and I do feel embarrassed by it. This is not something that I ever talk about or admit, even to myself. My coping mechanism has been to down play it, pretend it is unimportant, and doesn’t exist and march on. But obviously that doesn’t work so here I am. I will try something new. 

 

That was my coping mechanism as well, and it didn't work for me either.  

 

One of the main reasons I reframed my anxiety into the Pyromancy Flame of Anxiety, was to make it easier for me to think about my anxiety in a new way that made it easier for me to live with it. For me personally, this was one of the first steps in the long process of learning how to live with the anxiety rather than fighting it or trying to pretend it wasn't there every day. In the end everyone with anxiety has to find the way that works best for them, of course, but it makes sense to me that to stop fighting it and to stop denying it is a good first step.

 

With my asthma, acknowledging that it's there, treating it with medication, and accounting for the asthma when I plan to go to places and do things, actually makes the asthma itself less of a factor in my life, because I'm working with it and around it. I firmly believe that anxiety works the same way.

[KB Girl]

8 minutes ago, Scaly Freak said:

With my asthma, acknowledging that it's there, treating it with medication, and accounting for the asthma when I plan to go to places and do things, actually makes the asthma itself less of a factor in my life, because I'm working with it and around it. I firmly believe that anxiety works the same way.

This is what I've been working on, seeing it explained this way really helps, thank you! 

[h3r0]

Training 

 

halos

shin box

3x5 OHP 75#
2x5 Trap Bar Deadlift 140/190#
sphinx pose

child pose

 

kept getting interrupted while trying to workout. 

[h3r0]

Training 

 

 

3x5 Bench Press 105#
2x5 Trap Bar Deadlift 140/200#
sphinx pose

child pose

 

Quick workout 

 

[h3r0]

Way past due for a update. I hurt my back, angered an old injury that flared up on me and had to take it easy for a few days. 
 

Training

 

5x5 OHP 45/65/75/85#
4x5 Bench Press 85/95/105/115#

 

nice to get a little exercise in. 
 

Mental Health 

 

things have been going well. They upped the dose on my medication, no side effects so far. I have been writing down any episodes of anxiety as requested and so far no panic attacks in awhile. 
 

[Scaly Freak]

It sounds like you're making progress on the mental health. Congratulations! I hope this means you are genuinely feeling better overall as well. I only have my own experience to draw from and my recovery process was quite an uneven experience when I was first starting out, and I'm hoping it's a smoother ride for you.  

 

And I hope your back recovers soon!

[h3r0]

Training 

 

2x10/12 Incline Push-ups 

2x10/18 knee tucks

 

taking it easy 

[h3r0]

Way past due for a update. 
 

Back has been hurting bad for a week. Varying degrees of bad but not better. I finally figured out it is sciatica acting up. The pain was in my low back so I didn’t catch it but after doing the yoga for it I felt almost instant relief. I need to add this routine weekly EVEN when it is not hurting!

 

Training 

 

15m yoga

jumping jacks

step ups

pushups

crunches

plank

 

mental health 

 

Met with my therapist and it went well. They gave me a nice formula / exercise to try the next time I get a anxiety spell. 

 

I just discovered the concept of the intelligence trap. It’s “thinking” that your feelings and emotions should conform to your intellectual plan or goals, instead of them just being what they are. Then getting disappointed or ashamed or ignoring them because they don’t conform to the plan that you laid out. I’m pretty sure I’ve been doing this my entire life. Why I was so ashamed of having anxiety because I’m not supposed to feel like that. Probably in some way why I have anxiety because of something I’ve been ignoring.