[Bean Sidhe]

So I keep disappearing and I don’t mean to. Things have been a bit unusual of late here. Work ramped up and I went from getting out at 430 to 5 (I got off at 330) to 6-630 pm days. Which means boxes were harder and it’s hard to be like “Do stuff” when it’s almost 7 and I am trying to be in bed by 1030, and Oh I am supposed to eat and walk.

In other news, towards the end of last challenge, the Agents got to go a LARP in a similar system to what we use to do 20+ years ago. So that is a thing. We go back for Day 2 today.  I already know it will be super hard for me to not fight since my knee is a mess.

But all this means is I have not had time for home stuff. Agents are going to want clothes and things for the larping. The garden is getting ready to explode which means canning/preserving will need to happen.  School is going to start and I would like to well, be home and sleep.  Oh and I want to try and get the bad knee looked at so I can get out larping too. Which right now I can’t do because we are all afraid of one bad blow to it. And more than likely, getting it looked at will mean getting to drs and tests and ugh

So part of this will be doing non work things. I also added a box of “out of work by 5”. Yes that still allows overtime since it is needed, but still allows me to be home at a reasonable time.  I need to be here or I will stop doing everything and fall further into the bad stuff.  

That’s it, that is the plan, back down at work on how much they get of me, hope nothing explodes and try to do all the other things. And be here to talk to people.  Totally doable right?

 

Wish me luck and energy and not to lose my mind.

[Tanktimus the Encourager]

Here's to setting boundaries at work and things not exploding.

[Severine]

I am enthusiastically here for all this sensible self-care and logical planning. Your goals are reasonable and wise 💙

[Bean Sidhe]

Okay, so first thing I did today on here is tag myself a rebel. I lost my own post for a bit... Oops.

 

21 hours ago, Tanktimus the Encourager said:

Here's to setting boundaries at work and things not exploding.

 This needs to happen. I am also being grateful at past self for doing all the work even when I didn't feel like it helped because I am not AS far behind as I could be. So yay me.  but man, I need to work on the stamina. But now I need to work on Not work because home me is getting a bit whiny.

 

FYI Agent black is helping and messing everything up. Lovely Cats. Hes missed me blame him for the typos.

 

14 hours ago, Severine said:

I am enthusiastically here for all this sensible self-care and logical planning. Your goals are reasonable and wise 💙

 

I am glad someone sees those goals as reasonable. I am mad they are too easy, but I also understand that I need easy, but I hates it.

 

 

And Darn you Agent Black, you opened 15 new windows and closed Nerd Fitness.

Love you anyway, but dude stay off the keyboard.

Also I left work at 5:30 exactly.  so Yay I guess

[Bean Sidhe]

And my current challenge link is now correct. It was stuck on challenge 103. so I am going to say that it has been a minute or so since I checked it.
 

Sunday I did okay. I did go to the larp thing and had fun. I couldn't do much because Dumb Knee issue, which annoyed me GREATLY. Agents had a blast which is all that matters.

I didn't walk much because trying to prep stuff, but all told, I got 46 points for the day, most of those being for doing a deep harvest in the garden, weeding and other Life and Family things. Oh and my BP was at 129/85, which isn't amazing, but for me, that is pretty good.

 

Now to get through the rest of today and do my boxes. So far this challenge I missed 2 days. One was due to an all day event we were at. The other was due to well, having to explain the EX coworker stuff and Mom to a friend who stumbled into it accidentally, and knows at least both parties so yeah. At least now that they know, they are going to keep eyes open where I can. (vague yea, but its the truth). Once that was done, I was too tired to adult anymore.

 

[fleaball]

yaaaay beeeeaaaannn!

 

and also agent black! hi sir!

[Athaclena]

Following! And you know I'm all about the important simple goals that SHOULD be easy .... but aren't LOL.

[Tateman]

On 7/31/2022 at 6:27 PM, Bean Sidhe said:

So I keep disappearing and I don’t mean to.

 

Good luck this challenge! 

 

Hopefully, you can get the knee looked at, and healed up soon. Then you can do all the LARP things too  

[Bean Sidhe]

22 hours ago, fleaball said:

yaaaay beeeeaaaannn!

 

and also agent black! hi sir!

I am here. I am trying

 

Agent black Says hi and asks for scritches

 

[Bean Sidhe]

9 hours ago, Athaclena said:

Following! And you know I'm all about the important simple goals that SHOULD be easy .... but aren't LOL.

Hi

 

I want the easy goals to actually be easy.  and I am glad someone understands.  why is nothing in life really actually easy?

[Bean Sidhe]

7 hours ago, Tateman said:

 

Good luck this challenge! 

 

Hopefully, you can get the knee looked at, and healed up soon. Then you can do all the LARP things too  

Thank you.

 

Well my one do something from the list of doom today was to call and check on my referral for the knee. Apparently the ortho still does not have my referral a month later. So guess I get to call the Dr and ask for a new referral ugh.

 

I should make clothes for the larp thing, but that means coming to terms with how big i am. Ugh

[Severine]

19 hours ago, Bean Sidhe said:

I should make clothes for the larp thing, but that means coming to terms with how big i am. Ugh

 

I keep not going shopping for new clothes I need for the same reason. We should both just do the thing. All bodies need clothes, and permanent denial leads to walking around in ill-fitting rags.

 

Let us make a pact to reject the rag lifestyle together.

[Athaclena]

51 minutes ago, Severine said:

All bodies need clothes, and permanent denial leads to walking around in ill-fitting rags.

I finally broke down, searched the internet, got out the tape measure, and ordered clothes that fit and are comfortable (that are a style that don't need alterations - but BOY did it take a lot of searching to find skirts that weren't 2 feet too long - yes - I'm that short LOL). But it was worth it for that work trip - and I can mix\match some of what I already have and it packs well. I hated doing it - but I did it.....

[Bean Sidhe]

On 8/3/2022 at 3:05 PM, Severine said:

 

I keep not going shopping for new clothes I need for the same reason. We should both just do the thing. All bodies need clothes, and permanent denial leads to walking around in ill-fitting rags.

 

Let us make a pact to reject the rag lifestyle together.

the problem is, I can't just go buy clothes for this, I will have to sew them. And while it would be good for me to have time to do it, it also takes time to do, adn energy that is not available, and to buy it would cost more than its worth.

But that is the goal, especially if I can ever get work to not be dumb

[Bean Sidhe]

On 8/3/2022 at 3:58 PM, Athaclena said:

I finally broke down, searched the internet, got out the tape measure, and ordered clothes that fit and are comfortable (that are a style that don't need alterations - but BOY did it take a lot of searching to find skirts that weren't 2 feet too long - yes - I'm that short LOL). But it was worth it for that work trip - and I can mix\match some of what I already have and it packs well. I hated doing it - but I did it.....

I get this, and I do okay, Most of what I wear is actually mens clothes since Hubby and I share polo shirts and t shirts., Then all that is "girl" is jeans and underthings.  I actually find mens clothes easier to deal with.

But eventually I will deal with it, right now, I just am making do with what I got. all this shopping will take spoons I do not have.

[Bean Sidhe]

So update.

 

Challenge was going okay, I was getting out by 5:30. I was proud of myself.

THen the last 2 days happened. In both instances, I got a call about 330 saying "Can you go to building and help them after work?" and I went, Yesterday I got home at 7. Today was about the same.  I am glad I helped because both places were in a bad spot, but I am so OVER Everything and today was a training day which means "extrovert Happy Bean" was in use and that drains me so hard.  Today I was even smartish and I realized as I left to help at other location at 3:15 PM, I had not yet lunch. So Old me would of been like "All the fast food is bad, just don't eat." New me made me eat (even if it was bad) because I was going to not do okay if I didn't . It was wendys which I haven't had since I stopped taking Mom everywhere. It is still gross, but it was the best of the bad options I could eat while driving. So Calling this a small win. I did at least get a brownie for helping today, so again. that was worth it, even if it shouldn't of been a good thing. (honestly, both places needed the help or it would of been HORRIBLE).

I did do boxes both nights, even after the long day. So maybe a win.

I am tired. I go lay down now and will be back to work in less than 10 hours.

[Severine]

5 hours ago, Bean Sidhe said:

the problem is, I can't just go buy clothes for this, I will have to sew them. And while it would be good for me to have time to do it, it also takes time to do, adn energy that is not available, and to buy it would cost more than its worth.

But that is the goal, especially if I can ever get work to not be dumb

 

Yeah sorry, I didn't mean to trivialize the time involved! I just meant that if sewing clothing for cons/cosplay is a thing you want to do, size shouldn't get in the way  ♥

 

4 hours ago, Bean Sidhe said:

So update.

 

Challenge was going okay, I was getting out by 5:30. I was proud of myself.

THen the last 2 days happened. In both instances, I got a call about 330 saying "Can you go to building and help them after work?" and I went, Yesterday I got home at 7. Today was about the same.  I am glad I helped because both places were in a bad spot, but I am so OVER Everything and today was a training day which means "extrovert Happy Bean" was in use and that drains me so hard.  Today I was even smartish and I realized as I left to help at other location at 3:15 PM, I had not yet lunch. So Old me would of been like "All the fast food is bad, just don't eat." New me made me eat (even if it was bad) because I was going to not do okay if I didn't . It was wendys which I haven't had since I stopped taking Mom everywhere. It is still gross, but it was the best of the bad options I could eat while driving. So Calling this a small win. I did at least get a brownie for helping today, so again. that was worth it, even if it shouldn't of been a good thing. (honestly, both places needed the help or it would of been HORRIBLE).

I did do boxes both nights, even after the long day. So maybe a win.

I am tired. I go lay down now and will be back to work in less than 10 hours.

 

Extroverting is exhausting. Fist bumps for feeding yourself!!

[Athaclena]

Deep breaths for work getting back to normal. I'm going to have to be extroverted in a couple of weeks and I swear THINKING about being extroverted is as, if not more exhausting since I know it's coming than the actual "stand up in front of everyone and do the thing".   Good on you on getting food - I finally stopped agonizing over occasional fast food - as long as it's "occasional" - which it is (now that we're fully moved).

[Bean Sidhe]

So I was doing good until Friday> Even friday afternoon I thought I had this whole boxes thing in the bag. I left work early to spend some time with Youngest Agent, then get new glasses, came home, finished some work up. Then I head out to do errands with Hubby and coworker called to ask me how to do HIS JOB, a job I have never done. I told him I was not near a computer and we would talk about it on Monday since I was done working for the week.  He got a bit.. unhappy (Hubby said snippy) but I was more pissed that he thought at 7:15 on a friday night I would drop everything to work. NO.  so Friday went out a window.

Saturday I got up, we did the farmers market thing, did the errands thing, climbed through the garden thing, and I was all like "Look at me go" until Hubby and I looked at the calendar for this week and panicked. I thought I had like 3-4 weeks till school, nope, its like 1.5 right now. So panic, no plan for the soon to be freshman, and I did well except the exercise and stretches. that didn't happen

Sunday I was TIRED. Like only 2000 steps instead of my normal almost 10,000. I even napped. This seems to be my sundays lately, which is bad. I have too much to do, too much anxiety of the week, but I couldn't make myself do stuff. I just like  noped and then was freaking out about 8 pm over my lack of anything. So all in all, I was in a mood by bedtime. WHich means no sleep and freaked out.

Today has been okay. Tons to do, trying to set up stuff but also I just feel, off. Like I can't do anything right and I should stop talking. New Guy that is the SQL guy has determined he won't do coding unless given a specific list of fields and the tables to link to for them, which means I do the hard part, and then he just "adds it into" whatever code he is updating. so things I had hoped to hand off are mine again. Also, another 10+ hour day.  Tomorrow will be worse. I just kinda want to nope out till October, is that okay?

[Bean Sidhe]

On 8/5/2022 at 1:44 AM, Severine said:

 

Yeah sorry, I didn't mean to trivialize the time involved! I just meant that if sewing clothing for cons/cosplay is a thing you want to do, size shouldn't get in the way  ♥

No  you are fine, I was in a mood that day, sorry. I just want to do things, but I also have no time/energy to do them. Right now its like "I want to do X" (Garden, canning, sewing, ect) but it all takes more work and time and energy and I just don't have it. And then I go into the bad headspace of "I don't have time, and I am barely doing anything I should so why do fun things. And yeah.. spiral. I hope so much for things to just take a break for a second. 

 

On 8/5/2022 at 1:44 AM, Severine said:

 

Extroverting is exhausting. Fist bumps for feeding yourself!!

it is. I have basically been going full speed being with people or talking to people for like 2.5 weeks at work. I am OVER PEOPLE. Can I go back to just coding please. Ugh

[Bean Sidhe]

On 8/5/2022 at 9:45 AM, Athaclena said:

Deep breaths for work getting back to normal. I'm going to have to be extroverted in a couple of weeks and I swear THINKING about being extroverted is as, if not more exhausting since I know it's coming than the actual "stand up in front of everyone and do the thing".   Good on you on getting food - I finally stopped agonizing over occasional fast food - as long as it's "occasional" - which it is (now that we're fully moved).

I totally agree with this, especially when you have to plan the "this is what I have to say and cover and do". Plus I just learned we lost 2 more of the people I train so I have over half the staff I train and work with quitting and that means more training and setting up people to do the job which means more people. I want to be like "someone else can take over for a bit."

Generally if we are eating out, its more the business lunch places where the food is better like Chipotle, Meatheads, Potbellys that have more like real food. I actually tend to get this weird reaction to fast food of "I eat it, then I get sugar crash and weird within like an hour" and have for like almost 10 years. so for me to break down on Wendy's because "that was what I could do" bugs me, but I didn't have time to eat my actual lunch again.

And Ninja Dog is throwing a tantrum. Time to go mom since no one played with the puppy today.

[Athaclena]

19 hours ago, Bean Sidhe said:

Plus I just learned we lost 2 more of the people I train so I have over half the staff I train and work with quitting and that means more training and setting up people to do the job which means more people. I want to be like "someone else can take over for a bit."

I hate when this happens when rebuilding a team. It's REALLY common now because there are so many jobs out there. Hang in there!

[Emma]

For Pete’s sake bean, I get tired just thinking about all the stuff you do. Sunday is supposed to be a rest day, so REST! And REST without guilt. That’s an order. 

[Bean Sidhe]

On 8/9/2022 at 3:51 PM, Athaclena said:

I hate when this happens when rebuilding a team. It's REALLY common now because there are so many jobs out there. Hang in there!

 

The big thing is the people leaving are due to high stress and low pay. But it means I have been busy and out of the office more than I have been in. We will see how things go. Ugh

[Bean Sidhe]

On 8/9/2022 at 4:55 PM, Emma said:

For Pete’s sake bean, I get tired just thinking about all the stuff you do. Sunday is supposed to be a rest day, so REST! And REST without guilt. That’s an order. 

I am trying. agents wanting to do the lapping means Sunday is now scheduled too. One day maybe.