Jump to content

flea still doesn’t wanna


Recommended Posts

Uggggggggggggh

 

cancelled my urgent care visit last week and just did a virtual appointment that day. Dude basically said ¯\_(ツ)_/ because I didn’t have any symptoms of anything specific that would be causing issues. Told me to take some meds and see how things went. Went to urgent care in person today because things haven’t been getting better. She says I should probably go to the ER because based on my pain she can’t say whether it’s constipation in the upper colon or actually a gallbladder issue even though I don’t have other gallbladder symptoms. So that’s awesome. So now I’m sitting in the waiting room. There are a ton of people here and I’m not thrilled about it. istg if I’m going to sit here for hours I better leave with a diagnosis and/or treatment plan. And I also better not wind up placed near the lady who came in behind me sniffling her ass off and complaining about everything. Or the girl who tried to jump the line, got told she was in the wrong place, and then kept trying to jump the line. 

  • Like 2

Level 69 Battle Kitten

Battle Log | Current Challenge

MyFitnessPal | Fitbit | Duolingo

                                                                                                                                                                 Ici je vis la vie que j'ai choisie

Je suis partie pour reconstruire ma vie

C'est dit, c'est ainsi

Link to comment

I’ve been here for over two hours and I’m so bored and also starving. Whee. Even better, I’m currently blasting out my eardrums with the volume on my headphones because someone else is about to throw up and I am absolutely a sympathetic puker and also just easily grossed out. So this is fucking awesome. 

  • Sad 3

Level 69 Battle Kitten

Battle Log | Current Challenge

MyFitnessPal | Fitbit | Duolingo

                                                                                                                                                                 Ici je vis la vie que j'ai choisie

Je suis partie pour reconstruire ma vie

C'est dit, c'est ainsi

Link to comment

Waiting for a CT scan. Gonna be here for fucking ever. 

  • Sad 2

Level 69 Battle Kitten

Battle Log | Current Challenge

MyFitnessPal | Fitbit | Duolingo

                                                                                                                                                                 Ici je vis la vie que j'ai choisie

Je suis partie pour reconstruire ma vie

C'est dit, c'est ainsi

Link to comment

Have not gone for the scan yet. Just noticed a poster on the wall that says it can take 4-6 hours for results. Uggggggh why. 

  • Sad 2

Level 69 Battle Kitten

Battle Log | Current Challenge

MyFitnessPal | Fitbit | Duolingo

                                                                                                                                                                 Ici je vis la vie que j'ai choisie

Je suis partie pour reconstruire ma vie

C'est dit, c'est ainsi

Link to comment
29 minutes ago, fleaball said:

Have not gone for the scan yet. Just noticed a poster on the wall that says it can take 4-6 hours for results. Uggggggh why. 

The computer has to process the data then the radiologist has to interpret.

  • Like 1

Current Challenge

"By the Most-Righteous-and-Blessed Beard of Sir Tanktimus the Encourager!" - Jarl Rurik Harrgath

Link to comment
16 minutes ago, Tanktimus the Encourager said:

The computer has to process the data then the radiologist has to interpret.

lol that was a rhetorical why. I fully expect it to take a while but seeing the numbers on the wall just made it suck a whole lot more. 

  • Like 2
  • Wow 1

Level 69 Battle Kitten

Battle Log | Current Challenge

MyFitnessPal | Fitbit | Duolingo

                                                                                                                                                                 Ici je vis la vie que j'ai choisie

Je suis partie pour reconstruire ma vie

C'est dit, c'est ainsi

Link to comment

Oh hey, I’m in the CT place now. Maybe only 6 hours left to go!

 

i already rescheduled my nutrition appointment and as soon as I get out of here I’m cancelling that PT appointment. I’m not going to do fucking anything at all tomorrow. 

  • Like 2

Level 69 Battle Kitten

Battle Log | Current Challenge

MyFitnessPal | Fitbit | Duolingo

                                                                                                                                                                 Ici je vis la vie que j'ai choisie

Je suis partie pour reconstruire ma vie

C'est dit, c'est ainsi

Link to comment

I am so cranky. It’s 1:40am, I’ve been here since about 4:30pm, haven’t eaten at all in that time and have only had a few sips of water. I have the worst headache and I can’t eat or drink anything until the scan results come back (90 minutes since and counting) and I don’t even know if that’s what’s causing the headache. I’m super fucking tired and I just want to go home and go to bed. 

  • Sad 2

Level 69 Battle Kitten

Battle Log | Current Challenge

MyFitnessPal | Fitbit | Duolingo

                                                                                                                                                                 Ici je vis la vie que j'ai choisie

Je suis partie pour reconstruire ma vie

C'est dit, c'est ainsi

Link to comment

T__T the person who went into the CT room immediately after me already got her results back. I really hope that doesn’t mean anything bad for me. 

Level 69 Battle Kitten

Battle Log | Current Challenge

MyFitnessPal | Fitbit | Duolingo

                                                                                                                                                                 Ici je vis la vie que j'ai choisie

Je suis partie pour reconstruire ma vie

C'est dit, c'est ainsi

Link to comment

Bruh. The only fucking thing that popped on my CT scan is swollen lymph nodes in my lower right abdomen. I’m not complaining that it’s not more serious but also ugh. She said some of the pain could have just been referred pain from that. Annoying. Especially because I’ve been here for 11 hours. But whatever. I just ate some graham crackers and now I’m waiting for them to spring me. 

  • Like 2
  • That's Metal 2

Level 69 Battle Kitten

Battle Log | Current Challenge

MyFitnessPal | Fitbit | Duolingo

                                                                                                                                                                 Ici je vis la vie que j'ai choisie

Je suis partie pour reconstruire ma vie

C'est dit, c'est ainsi

Link to comment

Oh boy. Took some ibuprofen before going to bed, woke up 3 hours later and felt like a whole different person. Never want to have that kind of headache again. Called the PT place shortly after they opened, guy sounded pissed that I wanted to cancel but when I said I didn’t want to reschedule right now bc “I just spent 12 hours in the ER and have to wait and see how things play out” his tone changed like he thought I was dying. Whoops. I don’t actually think I’m going to make another appointment there. I don’t like how he answers the phone and handles calls. Maybe I’m petty but meh. 
 

I have so much to do and do little desire to do it. I’m not going to go crazy given I’m still exhausted from yesterday, but i do need to clean because there’s a messy corner that’s driving me up a wall. I just don’t want to deal with dust. 
 

forgot to mention last night they were also concerned my appendix could be the issue, that was another reason for the CT. Imagine the bullshit if I’d needed emergency surgery. Oh hey I bet that was another reason I was stressed out there. I myself was not concerned about appendicitis but once they brought it up as something to rule out I did have a few thoughts of “if I need surgery Thing 1 and Thing 2 are going to be fucking useless.” So that was probably lurking in the back of my mind. Hmm. 
 

can someone turn on the AC outside please? It keeps hitting upper 80s/low 90s and with humidity. This is not conducive to my existence. 

  • Like 4

Level 69 Battle Kitten

Battle Log | Current Challenge

MyFitnessPal | Fitbit | Duolingo

                                                                                                                                                                 Ici je vis la vie que j'ai choisie

Je suis partie pour reconstruire ma vie

C'est dit, c'est ainsi

Link to comment
On 8/28/2022 at 8:54 AM, Ahyar Dreamspark said:

 

"I'm doing this for me" may work.

wonderful idea in theory. In practice, “me” comes last and it will take several more years of therapy before that changes substantially. I’m impatiently waiting for the day that “because I want to” is enough of a reason to do something. 

 

On 8/28/2022 at 8:54 AM, Ahyar Dreamspark said:

Not quite sure what to suggest for #2 unfortunately 😕 I'm in a similar situation with mom ALWAYS either talking to me or micromanaging everything I do and haven't figured out a solution yet.  (Well, aside from moving out and living in poverty, but that's trading one problem for a different problem of the same magnitude.) Hmm. Would your father maybe be interested in trying a new hobby? Preferably one where he needs to leave the house?

Oh man I feel you on the moving out thing. It’s not the instant fix people make it out to be. 
 

my father will talk forever about needing a hobby because he doesn’t want to sit in his recliner all day and waste his life and all that, but he hasn’t actually done anything about it. He retired in January 2020 so I was trying to push him to volunteer somewhere but then covid blew that all to hell. Honestly though his mental health issues are so much worse than mine I don’t see him doing anything ever. 
 

On 8/28/2022 at 10:55 AM, Athaclena said:

A couple of things come to mind for #1. I'm doing this to get healthy - the physical appearance improvement will happen but is secondary (this is my personal take). Or B - because fuck mom. Alternate as needed. Me? I grew up in a town of skinny bitches, and I have never (and will never - short of actual starvation - be skinny. So I grew up being told I was fat, so I thought I was fat and became the image I saw in the mirror.

You’re thinking along the same lines I was. Yay I’m not crazy lol.  I think I’m just going to focus on the health part of it and ignore the appearance part. Reading “I’m doing this to get healthy” I was like yeah! that! And then I read the second half and went “…wait no.” So apparently addressing the appearance part at all is the issue for now. Because honestly like, being skinny is not my goal. All I want right now is to exercise without feeling like I’m going to die and maybe not compare myself to Ursula the Sea Witch quite as often. 

 

On 8/28/2022 at 10:55 AM, Athaclena said:

For B - making your space better for when you have to be there will help your "headspace" - which will allow you to get out more and get away from the chaos. Either in a nice place in your room or out of the house altogether. Both of which you need. Also, maybe you'll meet someone who can offer you\lead you to a job to allow you to GTFO of that house. I've learned of jobs in some pretty funky ways. My current company I came to because a friend posted an opening on FB (10 years ago).

Oh man that would be the dream. 

  • Like 2

Level 69 Battle Kitten

Battle Log | Current Challenge

MyFitnessPal | Fitbit | Duolingo

                                                                                                                                                                 Ici je vis la vie que j'ai choisie

Je suis partie pour reconstruire ma vie

C'est dit, c'est ainsi

Link to comment

I’m starting to wonder if my digestive issues over the past week or so have been my own doing by accident. Like did I have an actual bad day or two, and then overcorrect and/or assume the lymph node pain was the same digestive issue. Would not be shocked if that were the case. 
 

I’m going to bed after I post this. Plan for Tuesday is I need to clean off my desk, rearrange the corner it’s in, and start taking pictures of the things I want to get rid of in that Facebook group. The acting posting of things is giving me anxiety because what if I do it wrong ( :rolleyes: ) but taking photos is the first step, plus I’ll have them ready to go if a rare moment of bravery pops up. Oh and maybe make a pasta salad if I actually get everything I want in my grocery delivery this time. Maybe. 

  • Like 3

Level 69 Battle Kitten

Battle Log | Current Challenge

MyFitnessPal | Fitbit | Duolingo

                                                                                                                                                                 Ici je vis la vie que j'ai choisie

Je suis partie pour reconstruire ma vie

C'est dit, c'est ainsi

Link to comment

I’m waking up in six hours so now is clearly the best time to post instead of sleeping right? Right. 
 

started clearing my desk and its corner then ran out of places to put things. Gonna have to suck it up and start posting on Facebook (ugh why) to get rid of shit. Did take some photos before anxiety hit. Stupid anxiety. Pasta salad didn’t happen because it was hotter than hell in the kitchen. 
 

I haven’t managed to do a full on clean of the kitchen yet because people suck, but I’ve poked around cabinets and different spaces and we don’t seem to have an infestation of those stupid moths. I think I just got wildly unlucky and got an infested thing of oatmeal. Sucks but preferable to the alternative. We definitely have had *some* forever so I’ll still send my father out for traps and I’m going to clean the best I can, but I have zero faith in actually being able to fully deep clean the kitchen. My father was mad about them for about five minutes and then moved on. Probably because it was t his food that was affected, that he knows of anyway. :rolleyes: Also what the fuck are all the spiders in the house doing letting these moths exist? If you’re going to stick around at least fucking make yourselves useful. Jesus. 
 

Wednesday to do:

- survive therapy and nutrition appointments which are back to back this week. oof. 
- take photos of five more things already put aside to get rid of

- wash and change sheets 

- clear off one surface in my room

  • Like 6

Level 69 Battle Kitten

Battle Log | Current Challenge

MyFitnessPal | Fitbit | Duolingo

                                                                                                                                                                 Ici je vis la vie que j'ai choisie

Je suis partie pour reconstruire ma vie

C'est dit, c'est ainsi

Link to comment

Nutritionist cancelled, she got news (I’m assuming bad) about her dad’s cancer and cancelled all her appointments today. I hate the situation for her but I’m kinda relieved not to be having another appointment right this moment. Therapy left me wiped out. And with no answers. No immediate answers anyway. As expected, unraveling the health shit from my mother’s bullshit is going to take a fucking while. 
 

im so tired. That’s what happens when you don’t go to bed at a normal time. But also I just had a lot of trouble staying asleep as well. I’m not sure how much of my to do list will happen today between the lack of sleep and therapy using all my spoons. I need to get something done though. Dilemma. 

  • Like 4

Level 69 Battle Kitten

Battle Log | Current Challenge

MyFitnessPal | Fitbit | Duolingo

                                                                                                                                                                 Ici je vis la vie que j'ai choisie

Je suis partie pour reconstruire ma vie

C'est dit, c'est ainsi

Link to comment

Yeah nothing of value happened today. I did today a few things as I went along but nothing substantial. 
 

i have a to do list for Thursday written in my planner but if I do one specific thing I’ll call the day a win: I have a box of scrapbooking supplies that I’ve been wanting to get rid of for years but never knew what to do with and is the reason I joined that Facebook group recently. I need to photograph and list it so I can get the ball rolling on getting it the fuck out of my life. If I do that then I get a pass for the rest of the day. 
 

cross your fingers and send anti-gremlin spray please. 

  • Like 3

Level 69 Battle Kitten

Battle Log | Current Challenge

MyFitnessPal | Fitbit | Duolingo

                                                                                                                                                                 Ici je vis la vie que j'ai choisie

Je suis partie pour reconstruire ma vie

C'est dit, c'est ainsi

Link to comment

d4lkwab-47339f5e-368c-4867-98fd-d11a8006

  • Like 2

RES...and I want to live days worth dying for

Current: RES: Who Knew Demons Wrestle Back?

Spoiler

Magickal, Eclectic, Goddess, Level 75

|1|2|3|4|5|6|7|8|9|10|11|12|13|14|15|16|17|18|19|20|21|22|23|24|25|26|27|28|29|30|31|32|33|34|35|36|37|38|39|40|41|42|43|44|45|46|47|48|49|50|51|52|53|54|55|56|57|58|59|60|61|62|63|64|65|66|67|68|69|70|71|72|73|74|75|76|77|78|79|

My Character Page | Tracking Spreadsheet | My Blog |

Growth happens when you care more about the well being of your future self than the comfort of your present self!

"Pass on what you have learned. Strength, mastery. But weakness, folly, failure also. Yes, failure most of all. The greatest teacher, failure is." -Yoda

 

Link to comment
5 hours ago, RES said:

d4lkwab-47339f5e-368c-4867-98fd-d11a8006

I love you. 

  • Like 1

Level 69 Battle Kitten

Battle Log | Current Challenge

MyFitnessPal | Fitbit | Duolingo

                                                                                                                                                                 Ici je vis la vie que j'ai choisie

Je suis partie pour reconstruire ma vie

C'est dit, c'est ainsi

Link to comment

I am annoyed. I know from my adventure on Sunday that all of my abdominal organs are perfectly fine and all of my bloodwork was normal. I’ve been sleeping well enough. And yet for the past couple days I find myself feeling lightheaded and shaky as if my blood sugar is low but when I test it it’s fine. My only theories at this point are that I’m not eating enough and/or that my blood pressure med needs to be reduced since I’m also getting dizzy if I stand up too fast. Either way this is not conducive to getting things done, and certainly not to going for a walk or anything exercise-related. I have an appointment Tuesday with my useless pcp as a follow up to the ER visit so I will certainly bring this up to her. But this is seriously the last thing I need right now. 

  • Angry on your Behalf 2

Level 69 Battle Kitten

Battle Log | Current Challenge

MyFitnessPal | Fitbit | Duolingo

                                                                                                                                                                 Ici je vis la vie que j'ai choisie

Je suis partie pour reconstruire ma vie

C'est dit, c'est ainsi

Link to comment

My father keeps making noise about having a bunch of random small things to donate but not wanting to go drop them off at goodwill (ugh) because it’s in a pain in the ass area. I said I’ll just list them on that Facebook group. He doesn’t want random people coming to our house to pick things up. 
 

they’re not coming in the house. And our house exists in this exact spot whether people know who lives here or not. And also he’s the one who leaves the front door unlocked all day while he’s out and my brother is sleeping, and sometimes just leaves the fucking door wide open when he doesn’t notice it didn’t catch behind him. So tell me more about how this is dangerous or whatever the fuck. I’m all ears. :rolleyes:

 

so needless to say I now have another reason to be anxious about listing any of my shit. Im still going to but this isn’t helping. 

  • Like 1

Level 69 Battle Kitten

Battle Log | Current Challenge

MyFitnessPal | Fitbit | Duolingo

                                                                                                                                                                 Ici je vis la vie que j'ai choisie

Je suis partie pour reconstruire ma vie

C'est dit, c'est ainsi

Link to comment

My father has gotten three bills from Medicare and each one has had a different amount due. The one he got today also includes an income-related adjustment for his prescription plan which I swear we never got any notifications about. I said I’d call on Tuesday to figure it out. And then he starts ranting. Since we initially thought he wouldn’t be eligible for Medicare at all because we didn’t realize my mother had juuuuuust enough credits for him to be coveted through her, he’s under the impression that he would have been able to totally avoid Medicare and just keep paying his normal rate for the regular insurance through the city. 
 

so this rant, which I hear at least twice a month, goes “I can’t believe I almost didn’t have to do this! Fucking Oscar [guy at social security] should have just kept his big mouth shut and I wouldn’t have any of these problems. Blah blah blah etc socialism whatever.” He conveniently forgets the part where he *had* to apply for Medicare and be formally rejected in order to keep the city insurance, so there’s literally no way he could have avoided it. This is why Oscar keeps getting cursed, because that’s the name of the guy he spoke to to apply and who thus discovered my mother’s credits.  If he somehow didn’t apply he’d also have been subject to a bunch of fees which he also conveniently forgets. 
 

tonight he got through “I can’t believe I almost-“ and then I told him I was tired of hearing about it, there was no “almost,” and to go run his errands because I didn’t want to listen to him. He was not pleased. I can’t get over the fucking irony here though. Why is it costing him so much? Because he hasn’t paid social security or Medicare taxes since 1976. And now he, a staunch Republican, wants to receive reduced cost services that he hasn’t paid for and would be covered by other people’s taxes. I know being a massive hypocrite is a requirement for being conservative but Jesus Christ. 
 

this is an unnecessarily long story but I’m sharing it for context so I can thank everyone here for existing because several years ago I would not have shut my father down mid-sentence, and certainly not as harshly as I did tonight. Slow progress is still progress. 

  • Like 3

Level 69 Battle Kitten

Battle Log | Current Challenge

MyFitnessPal | Fitbit | Duolingo

                                                                                                                                                                 Ici je vis la vie que j'ai choisie

Je suis partie pour reconstruire ma vie

C'est dit, c'est ainsi

Link to comment

It’s deja vu all over again! My brother just told me he’s supposedly going to be working overnights inside the store soon and not at the gas station anymore. He told me this now because it will obviously change who feeds the cats when. I’m reeeeeaaaallllly trying not to get my hopes up this time but if it actually happens I will be thrilled. I can go to bed early and he can do dinner, I can wake up at 5:30 to give them breakfast and then exercise while he’s still at work and my father is asleep, I will actually be able to have alone time with neither of them bothering me. Except it won’t happen until they hire two new closers for the chronically understaffed gas station, one to replace my brother and one to replace a guy who’s getting fired but doesn’t know it yet apparently. So like every time in the past that this has come up he has no set date and it hinges on other shit happening first. I wish he hadn’t told me yet because now I’m going to be looking forward to it and it probably won’t happen. 

  • Like 3

Level 69 Battle Kitten

Battle Log | Current Challenge

MyFitnessPal | Fitbit | Duolingo

                                                                                                                                                                 Ici je vis la vie que j'ai choisie

Je suis partie pour reconstruire ma vie

C'est dit, c'est ainsi

Link to comment
On 9/2/2022 at 3:02 PM, fleaball said:

I am annoyed. I know from my adventure on Sunday that all of my abdominal organs are perfectly fine and all of my bloodwork was normal. I’ve been sleeping well enough. And yet for the past couple days I find myself feeling lightheaded and shaky as if my blood sugar is low but when I test it it’s fine. My only theories at this point are that I’m not eating enough and/or that my blood pressure med needs to be reduced since I’m also getting dizzy if I stand up too fast. Either way this is not conducive to getting things done, and certainly not to going for a walk or anything exercise-related. I have an appointment Tuesday with my useless pcp as a follow up to the ER visit so I will certainly bring this up to her. But this is seriously the last thing I need right now. 

One of the statins I was on use to make me very lightheaded and dizzy when getting up, even just from a chair. So there could be something to check with the doctor about medication side effects. Maybe they can change the meds, or adjust the amount.

  • Like 1
Link to comment

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

×
×
  • Create New...

Important Information

New here? Please check out our Privacy Policy and Community Guidelines