[Heidi]

Here we are at the beginning of September, a golden time of year. 

The heady days of summer are retreating, and in their wake I find, as I do each year, a renewed sense of what I bring from within.

 

I am a power house, and it can be easy to lose sight of this. 

This challenge is about staying in touch with all that I have at my core: At the center of the labyrinth of myself I have a shining spiritual sun that fuels me, sustains me, warms me.

 

I have nothing left to prove.

Being as I am is enough.

Nurturing that is the path.

[Heidi]

Nuts and Bolts:

• Claiming my space with dignity and grace. (Actively disengaging from the drama—I have nothing left to prove.)
• Boundaries at work: Actively responding from a place of boundaries. This is my work, not a forced march.
• Class work: Carving time to do the things. This is a super simple class load, and as such I can get dismissive of it. 
• Sauna: Recharge the sun within
• Walking (extra motivation provided by the mini challenge, thank yuo guys!)
• Sleep: from sundown to sun-up
• Acupuncture: smooth out the energy pathways.

Bonus Activities:

Really, I have to get my stuff whittled down to nothing. I don’t have much, but even so, it is too much. Watch this space for some Druidic leveling up on the minimalism front (for those of you who were around in my 2014 challenge along this same line, buckle up: my space is about a third of what it was then. Hoo boy, it’s going to be a Whole Thing.)

[Scaly Freak]

9 minutes ago, Heidi said:

• Boundaries at work: Actively responding from a place of boundaries. This is my work, not a forced march.

 

YES, set those boundaries and defend them!

 

Also:

 

 

[Tanktimus the Encourager]

53 minutes ago, Heidi said:

Really, I have to get my stuff whittled down to nothing. I don’t have much, but even so, it is too much. Watch this space for some Druidic leveling up on the minimalism front (for those of you who were around in my 2014 challenge along this same line, buckle up: my space is about a third of what it was then. Hoo boy, it’s going to be a Whole Thing.)

(It is really hard to get a wholesome Kondo meme)

[Heidi]

Today is Labor Day in the States, and I was the only one at work. It was glorious. 

I realized a few things:

1. I am really efficient at what I do.  I’ve been shoehorning my Actual Work in between meetings and meltdowns (other people’s, not mine), and today I had none of that to distract me. The upshot is I did the equivalent of ten hours of working at a full on sprint in five hours, at a nice leisurely lope, and the output was of top-rate quality. I need to possibly consider testing on Sundays by myself for a whole day (even though I have a policy against working on Sundays, in the main), and maybe take a weekday off or work shorter days as a trade. This would be supportive of my need to do business hours appointments as well, and I’m going to float it by my boss tomorrow.
2. There are a couple of devs who need remediation. This is not my job, but it is my job to point the gap out to my boss. Also looking to have that conversation tomorrow.
3. While I have his attention, I’m going to draw the picture of how they are using me as two full time positions, not only in the sheer volume of work, but in the scope: I’m doing the job of an Automation Systems Quality Analyst as well as my job. I put together a list of roles and responsibilities that fall within the AS-QA sphere and will send that along when we meet tomorrow.

Today is also Monday, which means it’s refrigerator clean out day, and this week that meant Minestrone (I swear that it’s Italian for what have you). I had a mess of amazing tomato sauce from the crockpot, and I threw it back in the crock pot along with diced carrots, chopped red cabbage, and some white kidney beans. I let it simmer while I was at work, and it was fragrant and delightful. Bonus: It’s super yummy.

 

I am wiped out, Friends. There’s not much re-organizing going on today. Also, I already have my clothes all gathered together in a pile, Ms. Kondo—that’s the problem, you see. I have no drawers or what have you to put them in. This is the difficulty, and this is what I’m working with. Today, it looks an awful lot like sit with that.

 

I logged out of work and did the class work for the week. Done and dusted and submitted before 5 (the deadline isn’t until midnight).

 

The gym had super-short hours today, so no sauna until tomorrow.

I’m looking forward to an early night.

[Heidi]

5 minutes ago, Tanktimus the Encourager said:

(It is really hard to get a wholesome Kondo meme)

I had never thought about this until now and ooof, people are just weird.

[Tanktimus the Encourager]

7 minutes ago, Heidi said:

 

I am wiped out, Friends. There’s not much re-organizing going on today. Also, I already have my clothes all gathered together in a pile, Ms. Kondo—that’s the problem, you see. I have no drawers or what have you to put them in. This is the difficulty, and this is what I’m working with. Today, it looks an awful lot like sit with that.

 

Would something like this be of servcie?
https://www.lowes.com/pd/Steel-Clothing-Rack/1000194043

[DarK_RaideR]

19 minutes ago, Heidi said:

I had never thought about this until now and ooof, people are just weird.

On the internet? Unthinkable!

[Scaly Freak]

13 minutes ago, DarK_RaideR said:

On the internet? Unthinkable!

 

To be fair, ever since I started spending the majority of my online time here and in another similar community, the rest of the internet became even more extremely weird, most likely by contrast.... 

[Heidi]

28 minutes ago, Tanktimus the Encourager said:

Would something like this be of servcie?
https://www.lowes.com/pd/Steel-Clothing-Rack/1000194043

That would make the most sense, but I'm resistant to the *storage unit* vibe -- also, I'm looking for options that are 12" deep or less. Two feet is right out. I like the way you think!!

14 minutes ago, DarK_RaideR said:

On the internet? Unthinkable!

[Heidi]

This is the whole space of the bedroom, only now it has light-blocking curtains at the windows and Vivian’s loft going over my bed:

[Tanktimus the Encourager]

2 hours ago, Heidi said:

This is the whole space of the bedroom, only now it has light-blocking curtains at the windows and Vivian’s loft going over my bed:

That pic makes me think under the bed storage.

[Heidi]

2 minutes ago, Tanktimus the Encourager said:

That pic makes me think under the bed storage.

That’s where everything is!

it’s somewhat less than fluid, especially sine bending over drives my head into a tizzy — most days my sweatshirt ends up dreaded over the back of the chair, and then the nightgown loiters in the bathroom for half the day. Don’t get me started on laundry day, when the load gets dumped on the couch or the bedroom chair for folding.

[Heidi]

Since June, I’ve been getting up and walking before logging in, and this is good for my soul — the benefits to my body all day are just extra. In August, I switched my schedule to be an hour earlier so that I could walk for as long as I wanted, without watching the clock, and sure enough it wasn’t long before I was back to my old regular mile-a-day habit at dawn. And any day that starts with the sauna can’t be bad.

 

Lately the days have been very long, and there seems to be a ton of chaos and emotionality everywhere, so a couple weeks ago, I added in an evening trip to the sauna as well, and this has had the predictable wonderful affects on my sleep being actually restful as well as restoring my sense of being grounded.

 

Today after another Very Long Tuesday, I walked in the evening, racking up another mile before heading to the sauna. This is the Way of Peace, friends.

 

So just for fun, and because it’s September and because all things autumnal make me think of Hobbits, I dusted off my old Walk to Mordor log. The first leg is from Bag End to Rivendell.

 

Day 1: 1.5 miles. Go through the gate into a lane. Head west.

Day 2: 1.5 miles in the morning. Leave the lane, follow the hedgerows south.

             1.0 mile in the evening. Cross the water on a plank bridge.

 

Welcome to September.

It’s going to be quite a journey.

 

On the topic of Very Long Tuesdays, I had a frank conversation with my boss and the lead developer about what we want and need for our efforts to be a success. I said, “Look, this might mean that if we’re honest we’re talking about an 11 hour day, but if that is what we actually need, it’s time to talk about it, even if we don’t do it.” And we all did. It was refreshing. Yes, indeed, we do need 11 hours of effort on Release Tuesdays, and yes, indeed, 90% of that falls to me. And yes, I need to have some dedicated time without meetings and conversations so that I can deliver the best possible testing.  All this means that I’m going to start working on Sundays (probably not a full day), and also working 11 hours on Tuesday. Everyone understands that this is an unbalanced expectation. We all said we don’t want this to be a permanent state of affairs, especially since it puts too many single-points-of-failure on my shoulders. The lead developer is in a similar situation, where he’s about the only developer on the team that seems to be able to deliver right now, and the volume and visibility of the work we are doing is deafening.  I’m actually looking forward to the honesty of the schedule, and the quiet of testing on Sunday. My boss said he doesn’t want this to be a single person effort whenever possible, and he named himself and three other people to help out with the after-hours, post-release work, and charged me with setting up the weekly meeting on everyone’s schedules, starting today. And *poof* just like that they all showed up! The testing took about half the time we thought it would, which is nice, since the testing scope is going to expand over the coming weeks.

 

That was a lot to process.

 

At the very end of the meeting with my boss, with only a couple minutes left—and after everything had been decided—I said “Oh, by the way, I have a TBI and am technically disabled. My neurologist thinks I should be honest with you about that and let you know that sometimes I have seizures. And now you know.” My boss was incredibly supportive and told me to ping him if needed and walk away and shut the lid whenever it made sense for me, that he has my back. This was good to know, and a relief, and I said so and thanked him.

 

And off we went, to slay dragons.  

It was a good day.

 

On the top

[Tanktimus the Encourager]

Yay for healthy boundaries and open communication at work. More of this in the world and we have a better place.

[Heidi]

On 9/6/2022 at 9:54 PM, Tanktimus the Encourager said:

Yay for healthy boundaries and open communication at work. More of this in the world and we have a better place.

This is true 

 

Today was a good day.

I declared Wednesdays to be a rest day at the end of last challenge, and it was nice to put that into effect. I slept until 8 (no gym this morning) and didn't log in until 9. This is the Way of Healing.

 

Nothing was on fire when I logged in, but I didn't much care if it was. I did The Work and logged out at 4. I drove to acupuncture and parked in time for my video call with Vivian, which had no answer (likely because the phone wasn't on). I found this frustrating. I tried a few more times while walking--the call didn't go through, but the walking helped Five Stars, highly recommend.

 

Acupuncture was great.

I had a message from her waiting for me afterwards "Sorry I missed your call" and so I sat in the lot and called her back. It went through and we talked for about 5 minutes; she has plans and thoughts about what to do this weekend together. It was a nice call.

 

I drove home and dealt with some of the stuff--i've been dealing with a box from storage each day, even if it's a small one. I was wiping down the counters and knocked over a small bowl, which broke. It's my favorite, and the whole "more stuff than counter space" message is being received loud and clear. 

 

The stuff is getting better even if it's not moving quickly. I still don't have anywhere to put my clothes, but I think I have a plan, though I won't have time to execute it until next weekend. This is the Way of Progress.

 

[Heidi]

Today was a good day. 

No gym this morning, and lots of rain, so it was nice to sleep in. I ended up walking 5000 steps anyway.

Day 3:  1 mile: Cross the water on a plank bridge.

Day 4: 2.0 miles: Cross The Great Road from the Brandywine Bridge. Enter Tookland.

 

Work was long and everything seemed like there were stupid impediments along the way, but it was a good day anyway.

After work I had a virtual appointment with my therapist, which was also good.

 

This week there have been Many Emails, but they really aren’t hitting the way they used to. Not sure what’s up with that other than me just not having the energy or inclination to engage with other people’s drama. Something will certainly come of the recent flurry of missives, but I don’t have a clue what it will be, and frankly, I’m too tired to care all that much.

 

After that, I sorted some boxes, threw some stuff away, and took out the trash. It’s enough for today.

I walked most of the steps today coming back from getting the milk. It’s too far and too hilly to make carrying three half-gallon glass containers comfortable, and I stopped a few times along the way.

 

There is a peace that comes with acting from one’s boundaries.

[Heidi]

Today is a good day.

 

I went to the gym and walked a mile and did the sauna. It’s interesting to me that now that I don’t have a gym buddy, the time it takes to do the gym routine is about half (or less) than the time it took when adding “listening to the drama” on either end of the actual gym things.

 

The morning at work was lovely. I desperately wanted a nap around lunch time, but managed to rally enough to be present, which sometimes is the win.

I dashed down to meet the locksmith (I had left my keys in the jeep after acupuncture and then locked them in *facepalm*) and it was nice to spend my 30 minute break outside in the sunshine.

 

Before logging back in, I ordered buffalo wings for now and a pizza for later. I am tired, but no longer hungry, and it was good to have food during the last half of the workday. I logged out of work at 4:15, since I’ll be back on Sunday to do some testing without distractions of fires and other people’s projects.

 

I’m tired.

I have tickets to see Paula Poundstone at the theatre (half a block away), but I have no idea if I’m going to make it out of the building, 

Vivian comes tomorrow at 10 for the day, and then comes back Sunday for a half day. I have some neatening to do (decluttering makes an unholy mess) and would like to have plenty of energy to be available for her visit.

 

I’ve been drinking a lot of water today, and I think that definitely helps. I have a larger Berkey, though I’m hesitant to set it up; I cycle through the one i have a couple times (or more) a day (it’s 1.5 gallons).

 

Goodnight, Friends.

I hope you have a lovely weekend.

Day 5: 2 Miles—Look back at lights of Hobbiton from first slopes of the Green Hill Country.

 

[Heidi]

Well, I took some aspirin and fell asleep shortly after posting, which was exactly what was needed, and ended up missing the comedy show. This is the Way of Rest.

 

I’ve been thinking about when I can carve out time for dealing with the apartment. Evenings are pretty much off the table, as I end up being too wiped out. That leaves every other weekend, which is good enough for a few things, but doesn’t get to the daily needs. I will sit with this. It’s possible that now that I’m not doing drama along with the gym routine that there is some space there.

 

I am grateful for the job, and the class, and the time with my daughter. Everything else will fall into place if I let it.

[MaeradCase]

26 minutes ago, Heidi said:

Well, I took some aspirin and fell asleep shortly after posting, which was exactly what was needed, and ended up missing the comedy show. This is the Way of Rest.

Good mindset for seeking rest and restoration. 

[Heidi]

I wasn’t able to sleep much last night. I would start to drift, then uncomfortable events would replay and I’d be wide awake. The only thing for it was to accept that yes, this was an uncomfortable thing that happened, get up and go to the roof to sit and watch the moon. This is the Way of Peace. Fitbit says I finally fell asleep around 4:30. I got about three hours of rest, for which I am really grateful. I neatened up and made tea and it seemed to take forever to be actually awake.  It started raining around the time I fell asleep, and the rain hasn’t let up yet. More rain is expected tomorrow.

 

Vivian and I had a nice visit, despite our normal downtown plans being derailed by the rain.

We hung out, had pizza and talked and did some online shopping for clothes for her to wear to and from the gym and also because she’s in serious need of new clothes that fit. I am hoping that maybe next visit I can get her to accept some new shoes.

 

We went swimming for an hour and then came back and ate dinner (swimming is hungry work). She started a dragon game on the tablet and we had a good time with that until it was time to go. She’s an absolute delight. I’m looking forward to seeing her tomorrow.

 

While I was at the gym I went to the women’s locker room to pick up my towel and found a passive-aggressive return of an item. I changed the combination on my lock. 

 

In theory, I’m supposed to read the faculty biographies for my department tonight, take a quiz on them, and then choose two to interview about their various research. This might happen.

 

Day 6: Swim one mile in the afternoon: Hobbiton hidden as slopes rise and fall.
                Walk a mile and a half: Stop in a birch grove. Eat a frugal supper (ca. 10 p.m.).

[Heidi]

Read the bios, watched the videos, took the quiz, wrote a reply to the discussion board for next week.

This class is a little more of the same bs that I encountered in the class that gave me so much difficulty in Spring term, and it made me roll my eyes, but that’s a big step up from the near-panic attack that i went through in Spring. This is the Way of Progress.

 

I will make it though this term, but once again I find myself wondering if I’m going to sign up for classes for the coming term.

On a brighter note, I’m looking forward to talking with two new-to-me faculty, one of whom only recently (re)joined the department. I think there’s a lot of interesting conversation to be had about the research I’m doing and what I want to say, and this encourages me. (Side note: I’ve always loved the word encourage: to instill with courage, from the French word couer, which mean heart, thus to enhearten, or to invite heart-centered bravery.) 

 

May you have peace this day.

[Tanktimus the Encourager]

1 hour ago, Heidi said:

Side note: I’ve always loved the word encourage: to instill with courage, from the French word couer, which mean heart, thus to enhearten, or to invite heart-centered bravery.) 

[Heidi]

Very little sleep last night. I’m not participating in the current drama, but it still takes a toll. The Way of Not-Doing is its own effort,

FitBit say I finally fell asleep just after 1 in the morning (and this thing tends to be scary-accurate about the falling asleep time — waking up time is usually a little more fungible, probably because it takes so long for my systems to come online). I was woken up by the phone with a call from the current DramaQueen saying she had written me a letter but decided “f that” she wanted to read it to me instead. Over the phone. Right then. “I’m not available for that,” I said. Her petulance was audible over the phone line. I was still trying to figure out what time it was and which way was up (for real — it takes me longer than I care to admit to figure out how to get out of bed each day), so not responding was very simple. I had almost forgotten she was on the line when she said “okay, sleep well” and I hung up.  I am not here to be anyone’s audience, generally, and even if i wanted to, it takes scheduling.

 

I got up and unloaded the dishwasher while I made tea, then logged in to test for a few hours before Vivian arrived. My head was muzzy all morning, but having the space to work at my own pace and listen to myself think made all the difference. I don’t want to jinx anything, but it’s been a minute or three since I’ve needed to take a migraine pill, even with the rain and the drama and the long hours. This is the Way of Healing, and it is the bedrock I need to occupy. 

 

We talk about boundaries so often as though they are instructions for others, or limitations for ourselves. For me, this has become my Land, and I am happy to live here.

 

After a few hours at work, I logged out and went down to meet Vivian, who was thrilled to be here. We passed a guy on the way upstairs and he asked if we were doing fun things today, and she said “We’re making cookies!!” all smiles and anticipation. She talked about the dragons in the game we are playing together, and we talked about all the different things she wanted to do. This is the Way of Love, and I’m blessed to have this time with her. 

 

The cookies were amazing by the way. 

 

After the visit, I scouted around and found an open bike rack near the mailroom. All the bike racks are always crammed to the brim, and I quick-like-a-bunny took my bike down and locked it up, claiming my space and sending up prayers that it will be as safe as advertised. This opened up a 2x4 area in the “dining” room, and friends, that’s practically double the space. I scooted the dining table over int the space, watered the plants, and generally neatened up from the cooking endeavors (not much to do really, since I’m a clean-as-you-go chef). I gathered up a few things that need to live in my grab-and-go suitcase and then went through the mail. My space is small enough that these efforts have a pretty big impact. Bonus is that it sort of opens the way for seeing what can be done next. This will probably take months to get settled and honed, but I’m okay with that—baby steps are everything as long as I’m pointed in the right direction.

 

Speaking of baby steps, I’ve only gotten a mile in so far today. The rain has persisted, so Vivian didn’t want to go downtown or to the gym, especially because we didn’t have very much time. I’m tired and moving at half-speed and no stamina, so I was fine with that. 

 

Day 7: 1 mile: (still) in a birch grove. Eat a frugal supper (ca. 10 p.m.)

 

I might log in and do the remaining testing for the Tuesday release. I might call it a productive half-day and leave it at that and rest my brain and my body for a full day tomorrow.

[Tanktimus the Encourager]

Good Jon setting a boundary even when mostly asleep. 

 

Emotionally unhealthy people resent boundaries because, when guarded, they prevent said people from getting what they want out of the boundary setter. They then accused us of having walls where we only have a boundary, which can make setting and keeping boundaries feel awkward at first. And yet, they keep us healthy and more able to help others, at least, others who can respect said boundaries.