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Whisper's Secret Identity


Whisper

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Imma word salad now. Maybe at some point I clean it up, most likely I don't.

 

I've been thinking a lot recently about who I really am, who I spend most of my time being, and who I want to be.

 

Most of the time I'm a stressed out worker with probably depression and maybe narcolepsy. I'm so tired all the time that the mere thought of doing something outside of work is almost violently rejected by my mind. I'm also realising that I am psychologically incapable of looking forward to things. Even things I know I will enjoy, or be happy I went to, are looked at with mild dread. I never actually WANT to do anything.

 

So the world keeps getting smaller. I do to work and I go home and I go to work and I go home ad infinitum. This challenge, I want to focus on cultivating  the truth of who I really am, and breaking free of the rut.

 

I am an artist and a musician. (and it would be awesome to someday support myself that way)

I am mostly highly reserved, and occasionally bombastic (especially with bell choir) 

I am delightfully queer, and you can choose the definition you like, be it modern or archaic 

I am not a sinner trespassing in the garden of an angry God.

I am a prodigal come home; fully seen and deeply loved.

 

Most relevant to this challenge:

I am someone that loves getting out and walking in nature.

I like the way I feel when I do yoga.

I enjoy eating vegetables.

I feel so much better when I drink water.

 

I've got a plan for turning those into goals, but it is late, and I am tired and back to work tomorrow, so I'm going to hit submit so this doesn't get lost and finish it up upon the morrow. 

 

  • Like 1
  • That's Metal 4

We are not sinners trespassing in the garden of an angry God.

We are prodigals come home; fully seen and deeply loved.

 

Put together enough small wins over a long enough period of time,

and you’ll find yourself in high level gear fighting dragons before you know it.

Spoiler

 

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My most recently completed painting 

Spoiler

IMG_20220903_114748.thumb.jpg.cd43f34f1af6c42fd2354d788fc58ad3.jpg

 

Three paintings started this weekend 

Spoiler

IMG_20220905_194832.thumb.jpg.56ea492c39d652dd61de70817cc8f252.jpgIMG_20220905_182444.thumb.jpg.40122c3044da35520d3ba1ee8b00a56b.jpgIMG_20220904_213203.thumb.jpg.af8c1fe846602369ff702b14b49c6894.jpg

 

  • Like 2

We are not sinners trespassing in the garden of an angry God.

We are prodigals come home; fully seen and deeply loved.

 

Put together enough small wins over a long enough period of time,

and you’ll find yourself in high level gear fighting dragons before you know it.

Spoiler

 

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Snoop What Are You Doing GIF
 

i typed “secret identity” into the gif box and I got this. You’re welcome?

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C'est dit, c'est ainsi

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Tuesday didn't really happen. Woke up with a bad headache and feeling sick to the stomach. Tried getting up for work; failed. Called in and spent most of the day in my nice dark bedroom. Did manage to get out for a walk in the morning,  just around a couple of blocks.

 

Today, still had a lingering headache but made it to work. Wanted to stick with the walking challenge, but new I wasn't going to walk in the 105 degree heat when I got home from work, so walked around the building while it was still cooler. Did a little bit of yoga too. Had sugar snap peas with dinner. Doing well on my mentally formed but not yet typed goals...

We are not sinners trespassing in the garden of an angry God.

We are prodigals come home; fully seen and deeply loved.

 

Put together enough small wins over a long enough period of time,

and you’ll find yourself in high level gear fighting dragons before you know it.

Spoiler

 

Link to comment

I want to have one of those neat little grids with the goals and days and colors to quickly see how I'm going, but while I don't have the spoons to make that right now,  that doesn't mean I can't write out my goals.

 

I like green/yellow/red because it feels like giving myself more grace, and a chance to recover from a slip without saying  "screwed it up, might as well go all out!"

 

1. Be active on the forum. Green for posting, yellow for lurking, red for no show. 

2. Fill my water bottle first thing in the morning. Yellow if later in day, red if not filled. If I fill it, I drink water, if I don't fill it, I tend to get soda.

3. Avoid sugary drinks. Green is none, yellow is some (small from drive-thru) red is lots.

4. Eat vegetables with dinner. Not sure how to gradient this...

5. Walk outside every day. Again, no minimum, so no scale. 

6. Do yoga 3 times a week. Aiming for MWF, but flexible. Going to be using a disc I first found in college called "Yoga Conditioning for Weight-loss". Absolutely the best beginner yoga video I've found. Has 4 workout levels you can choose from, depending on level of flexibility. Yellow for just starting it, green for completing the first section (about 15 minutes) 

 

Yesterday would be.

1. Green 

2. Yellow 

3. Yellow 

4. Red

5. Green

6. Gray

 

Today would be:

1. Green 

2. Green 

3. Yellow 

4. Green 

5. Green 

6. Green 

 

But like,  in a grid, with actual colors. 

  • Like 3

We are not sinners trespassing in the garden of an angry God.

We are prodigals come home; fully seen and deeply loved.

 

Put together enough small wins over a long enough period of time,

and you’ll find yourself in high level gear fighting dragons before you know it.

Spoiler

 

Link to comment

Kind of a meta goal for this challenge; find some good nature trails to walk/hike near my home. I discovered a love for it at my last place,  but before Monday, hadn't gone in the year and a half since I moved. Need to find places I could stop at on my way home and get back into it.

  • Like 2

We are not sinners trespassing in the garden of an angry God.

We are prodigals come home; fully seen and deeply loved.

 

Put together enough small wins over a long enough period of time,

and you’ll find yourself in high level gear fighting dragons before you know it.

Spoiler

 

Link to comment
13 hours ago, Whisper said:

But like,  in a grid, with actual colors. 

 
Week Zero
           
  Mon Tue Wed Thu Fri Sat Sun
Active on Forum              
Fill Water Bottle              
Avoid Sugary Drinks              
Veggie w/ Dinner              
Walk Outside              
Do Yoga              
  • Like 2
  • That's Metal 3

We are not sinners trespassing in the garden of an angry God.

We are prodigals come home; fully seen and deeply loved.

 

Put together enough small wins over a long enough period of time,

and you’ll find yourself in high level gear fighting dragons before you know it.

Spoiler

 

Link to comment

Week Zero
  Mon Tue Wed Thu Fri Sat Sun
Active on Forum              
Fill Water Bottle              
Avoid Sugary Drinks              
Veggie w/ Dinner              
Walk Outside              
Do Yoga              

 

 

Finished yesterday strong. Was gifted a starbucks drink this morning, so starting avoid sugary at yellow today.

Two laps around the outside of my building is 1 mile. Did that yesterday and today.

  • Like 2

We are not sinners trespassing in the garden of an angry God.

We are prodigals come home; fully seen and deeply loved.

 

Put together enough small wins over a long enough period of time,

and you’ll find yourself in high level gear fighting dragons before you know it.

Spoiler

 

Link to comment

Worked on painting. 

Spoiler

IMG_20220905_182444.thumb.jpg.764c74380952ce61d97826738b2dbe4c.jpgIMG_20220910_142619.thumb.jpg.b5f056ac340543f7662260bc8772ea16.jpg

 

  • Like 1

We are not sinners trespassing in the garden of an angry God.

We are prodigals come home; fully seen and deeply loved.

 

Put together enough small wins over a long enough period of time,

and you’ll find yourself in high level gear fighting dragons before you know it.

Spoiler

 

Link to comment

Not sure if I like this one.

Spoiler

7A5BC6F5-B7BD-4889-91E1-5CF88B670718_1_105_c.jpeg.56ddc8c3f261f7c2634f43ea61e307fb.jpeg.3147abc4cd726ad69ba2004933d513d9.jpegIMG_20220910_160050.thumb.jpg.4e8695b3b978f1902c1a8a3cadc31025.jpg

 

  • Like 1
  • That's Metal 1

We are not sinners trespassing in the garden of an angry God.

We are prodigals come home; fully seen and deeply loved.

 

Put together enough small wins over a long enough period of time,

and you’ll find yourself in high level gear fighting dragons before you know it.

Spoiler

 

Link to comment

Week Zero
  Mon Tue Wed Thu Fri Sat Sun
Active on Forum              
Fill Water Bottle              
Avoid Sugary Drinks              
Veggie w/ Dinner              
Walk Outside              
Do Yoga              

 

 

 

  • Like 1
  • That's Metal 2

We are not sinners trespassing in the garden of an angry God.

We are prodigals come home; fully seen and deeply loved.

 

Put together enough small wins over a long enough period of time,

and you’ll find yourself in high level gear fighting dragons before you know it.

Spoiler

 

Link to comment

Had a meeting with HR manager and my manager; promotion finally went through.  Lead Maintenance Technician, making an extra $4/hour. Not going to change what I'm doing much, but nice to have it formally recognized and compensated.

  • That's Metal 5

We are not sinners trespassing in the garden of an angry God.

We are prodigals come home; fully seen and deeply loved.

 

Put together enough small wins over a long enough period of time,

and you’ll find yourself in high level gear fighting dragons before you know it.

Spoiler

 

Link to comment

baby-scream-fuck-yeah.gif

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  • That's Metal 1

Level 69 Battle Kitten

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                                                                                                                                                                 Ici je vis la vie que j'ai choisie

Je suis partie pour reconstruire ma vie

C'est dit, c'est ainsi

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2 hours ago, Whisper said:

Had a meeting with HR manager and my manager; promotion finally went through.  Lead Maintenance Technician, making an extra $4/hour. Not going to change what I'm doing much, but nice to have it formally recognized and compensated.

 

This is so awesome! Huge congrats! :) 

 

Congratulations Congrats GIF by reactionseditor - Find & Share on GIPHY

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I'm here.

I'm doing ok on most fronts. People keep buying me drinks, so yellows not greens there.

Work running extra, so no yoga yet this week, but still good on walking. 

I'll try and update and post my grid tomorrow, but wanted to post at least something before going to bed tonight. 

  • Like 2

We are not sinners trespassing in the garden of an angry God.

We are prodigals come home; fully seen and deeply loved.

 

Put together enough small wins over a long enough period of time,

and you’ll find yourself in high level gear fighting dragons before you know it.

Spoiler

 

Link to comment

Week Zero
  Mon Tue Wed Thu Fri Sat Sun
Active on Forum              
Fill Water Bottle              
Avoid Sugary Drinks              
Veggie w/ Dinner              
Walk Outside              
Do Yoga              

 

 

Week One
  Mon Tue Wed Thu Fri Sat Sun
Active on Forum              
Fill Water Bottle              
Avoid Sugary Drinks              
Veggie w/ Dinner              
Walk Outside              
Do Yoga              
  • Like 3

We are not sinners trespassing in the garden of an angry God.

We are prodigals come home; fully seen and deeply loved.

 

Put together enough small wins over a long enough period of time,

and you’ll find yourself in high level gear fighting dragons before you know it.

Spoiler

 

Link to comment
2 hours ago, Rookie said:

Hey  good job on your colours! :D Lots of green!  Oh and congrats on the promotion, you deserve it

Thank you.

 

 

2 hours ago, Rookie said:

Loving the paintings. I do like the one you don't know if you like. Maybe whats bothering you is the horizon line? 

I kind of like my wonky horizon line. I mean, Picasso couldn't paint a straight line, why should I? 

I'm not really happy with how the water turned out, and the sky is too much of a line.  Got some thoughts on how I might do it differently, but my painting teacher want's to work with me on it.

  • Like 2

We are not sinners trespassing in the garden of an angry God.

We are prodigals come home; fully seen and deeply loved.

 

Put together enough small wins over a long enough period of time,

and you’ll find yourself in high level gear fighting dragons before you know it.

Spoiler

 

Link to comment

Week One
  Mon Tue Wed Thu Fri Sat Sun
Active on Forum              
Fill Water Bottle              
Avoid Sugary Drinks              
Veggie w/ Dinner              
Walk Outside              
Do Yoga              

 

 

This week has taken a lot of spoons. Today has been a mess as well. Yoga hasn't happened, but holding most things together. 

 

My new manager is going to retire at the end of this month. Kind of feels like I got promoted to the position I've been filling, just in time to have a whole bunch more stuff heaped on me.

  • Sad 2

We are not sinners trespassing in the garden of an angry God.

We are prodigals come home; fully seen and deeply loved.

 

Put together enough small wins over a long enough period of time,

and you’ll find yourself in high level gear fighting dragons before you know it.

Spoiler

 

Link to comment

Yesterday, I got my last two paintings framed, and today I donated them to a group that does summer camps for kids in foster care, to be sold at their fundraiser/auction. I'm feeling really nervous about this; kind of naked or exposed. I've only sold one painting so far, and that was to a guy at work. Every other painting has been given away. They wanted me to set a price on them, and it has felt like a huge war between setting it too high and risking having no one bid, or undervalueing  my work.

 

Set the waterfall at $150, and the tree at $200. Person taking the paintings seems to think they'll definitely sell, and for better than I'm listing, but I still feel exposed and jittery. 

 

Paintings, with frames. 

Spoiler

IMG_20220917_122448.thumb.jpg.17be2e6920196508a6214c0d946e07e7.jpgIMG_20220917_111733.thumb.jpg.8922a1268132fa703b30c93bc8c13749.jpg

 

  • Like 3

We are not sinners trespassing in the garden of an angry God.

We are prodigals come home; fully seen and deeply loved.

 

Put together enough small wins over a long enough period of time,

and you’ll find yourself in high level gear fighting dragons before you know it.

Spoiler

 

Link to comment
On 9/12/2022 at 9:55 AM, Chesire said:

Hey.  This one speaks to me.  :) 

Started another attempt at your picture. Liking the sky and water better so far, but kind of miss my funky horizon. 

Spoiler

IMG_20220918_132433.thumb.jpg.dd0682d5020ce6467cc7b5d8b3da2cc5.jpg

 

  • Like 3

We are not sinners trespassing in the garden of an angry God.

We are prodigals come home; fully seen and deeply loved.

 

Put together enough small wins over a long enough period of time,

and you’ll find yourself in high level gear fighting dragons before you know it.

Spoiler

 

Link to comment
10 hours ago, Whisper said:

Person taking the paintings seems to think they'll definitely sell, and for better than I'm listing, but I still feel exposed and jittery. 

 

I agree with this person, your paintings are beautiful! :) 

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Feeling like I'm rolling a bunch of ones this morning. Can't seem to wake up, couldn't get out of bed, stumbled into work over half an hour late. I've had one can of Monster, but still feel like I could fall right back asleep any moment...

  • Sad 2

We are not sinners trespassing in the garden of an angry God.

We are prodigals come home; fully seen and deeply loved.

 

Put together enough small wins over a long enough period of time,

and you’ll find yourself in high level gear fighting dragons before you know it.

Spoiler

 

Link to comment

Your work is beautiful.  I hope you'll get feedback on how they are received.  I think they'll do well.

 

52 minutes ago, Whisper said:

Feeling like I'm rolling a bunch of ones this morning. Can't seem to wake up, couldn't get out of bed, stumbled into work over half an hour late. I've had one can of Monster, but still feel like I could fall right back asleep any moment...

Oof.  May things reset for you by lunch time. 

 

giphy.gif

  • Thanks 1

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