[fleaball]

Ordered groceries, did half the dishes that were waiting to be done, did none of the other things. It was a shit day. As evidenced by the fact that it’s just shy of 5 am and I’m still awake because mystery anxiety and apprehension. Woo!

 

Tuesday goals:

- finish Monday’s goals

- transfer contents of Fuck Off Box into a milk crate instead and get rid of the shitty box

- maaaaayyyybe take pics of everything while I’m moving it all so that’s one less obstacle to listing them on Facebook. maybe
- don’t kill anyone

 

Nutritionist goals between now and Monday:

- 2 20-minute walks

- make Moroccan-spiced couscous and teriyaki Tempeh (because those totally go together) by Thursday night

[fleaball]

I’ve done fuck-all today. Just can’t be bothered. I do know I’ve been eating shittier foods than usual and I suspect that’s having a major impact on my mood and sleep. Shocking. Problem is it’s a struggle to eat better when I feel like shit. I got a 3-pound bag of frozen berries AND ingredients for a carrot cake smoothie though so hopefully that helps change things around a bit. 
 

pretty sure I’ll be moving all of today’s goals over to tomorrow. >_> I don’t want to shower (especially bc my father is taking one now, accompanied by noises I don’t want to hear), I don’t want to fight with the fucking sink because I’m tired of being the only one who ever does, I just don’t want to do anything. Oh and also my allergies are going nuts because my father vacuumed earlier with a vacuum that has a hole in the fucking hose and thus spewed it all back out. 
 

i can’t even finish this post. I don’t care enough. 

[fleaball]

I’m sorting through literal bins full of photos that my father has spent 4 years ignoring. 
 

I don’t know what year this photo is from but is it just me or does my father look like Vernon Dursley?

 

(cut for size bc I can’t make it not huge on my phone)

Spoiler

 

[Tanktimus the Encourager]

Yes, i see the resemblance. 

[fleaball]

Just now, Tanktimus the Encourager said:

Yes, i see the resemblance. 

Gross. Where is my hogwarts letter then

[fleaball]

Oh my god I’m so done with this asshole. 
 

he mentioned going to get flu and pneumonia shots. I said to ask the pharmacist about at-home Covid tests because we should have some just in case, especially with all the other respiratory shit going around now. He rolled his eyes, of course. Just now he comes home from doing god knows what and hands me two boxes. “Oh did you get your shots?” No. “Did you just have to go to CVS anyway?” NO. “Then where-“ the library had them. 
 

great. Well now I’m mad. Because I’m sure the library didn’t have a sign up saying “only certain people should take these” but anyone whose head isn’t firmly lodged up their own ass should be able to tell that “hey if these are free with insurance at any pharmacy but the library is also giving them out maybe they’re for people who don’t have insurance or can’t reliably get to a pharmacy.” I could be overthinking it just because I despite my father so much. But he has a decades-long track record of taking free things even if he doesn’t need them, just because he’s entitled to them. I swear to god if he didn’t care so much about what people think of him he’d be going to food banks and whatnot as well. (Not worried that people would disapprove, but that they’d think he’s poor.) But god forbid I say anything about taking the tests from the library, he’ll get mad because I told him to get some and he did - never mind I specifically said pharmacy and insurance. God damn I hate this man. 
 

also, logic at its finest: he gets a flu shot every year - I think they may have been required for work, but he’s gotten it every year since retiring too - but thinks the covid shots are a scam because they’re saying we might need one every year. 
 

 

I’ve told him at this point that I don’t care if he gets the new covid shot or not but if he gets covid and gives it to me I will kill him before it has a chance to. 

[RES]

they literally have a flu/covid booster combo that I got a few weeks ago...🤦🏻‍♀️

oh wait, you have to have the initial round of shots

[fleaball]

On 11/18/2022 at 5:13 PM, RES said:

they literally have a flu/covid booster combo that I got a few weeks ago...🤦🏻‍♀️

oh wait, you have to have the initial round of shots

Surprisingly he has the first 3. More or less got embarrassed into the first two after meeting with some guys from and he was the only one who hadn’t gotten it. Grumbled about the third one but got it eventually. Glares at me now when I harp on him about the new one. 
 

he actually went and got the flu shot all by himself today. I’m stunned. 

[RES]

On 11/19/2022 at 10:04 PM, fleaball said:

he actually went and got the flu shot all by himself today. I’m stunned. 

For your sake, I'm glad to hear this!

[fleaball]

I'm gonna need my stomach to calm the fuck down. For the past week and a half it's been wildly unpredictable which makes eating food and leaving the house kind of a pain. I haven't eaten anything out of the ordinary, I'm not sick, I'm eating all the probiotics. Whyyyyyy. I'm half tempted to take a covid test just to rule that out even though I highly fucking doubt it's covid anyway. 
 

and in case anyone was wondering, yes we are making dessert tomorrow for my father to bring to my uncle's. A fudge that's mostly just melted white chocolate chips and sounds stupid tbh, and a "chocolate chip cookie tart" that uses a tube of cookie dough as the crust (baked) and then you make eggless dough to fill it (raw) and a chocolate ganache on top. Pray for me. I told my therapist I might beat my father to death with a spatula. She said that would take a while. I know but I'll enjoy every second of it. Fucking watch me. 
 

ugh. I have so much to do and no desire to do it. Goals for the week are eat something around midnight, get my ass to bed by 2, and cook something on Thursday when my father is gone and my brother is asleep. Shouldn't be hard. Famous last words. 

[fleaball]

Fuuuuuuck meeeeeee. 
 

I have an appointment on December 1 with an allergist to discuss food allergies and intolerances. My nutritionist suggested it back in like July after I mentioned randomly having my lips get swollen and tingly after eating a salad (?!) and that it happens like once or twice a year with no rhyme or reason. And after discussing my current GI bullshit she thinks it's an even better idea how. So then I googled whether allergists or GIs do lactose intolerance testing (which I was told I had in 2005 but no testing ever done and symptoms are inconsistent). And then I wind up on the Mayo Clinic page about food allergies and it says if you have asthma you're more prone to anaphylaxis and there go the gremlins. I've been saying to my nutritionist that I highly doubt I have any *serious* allergies (if at all) because I'm 34 and have eaten a wide variety of food and not died yet. But gremlins gonna gremlin. 
 

I'll get over it but right now I'm just mad. I was already in a bad mood because I'm now dreading the baking clusterfuck tomorrow (told my father he's in charge of reading the recipes and gathering all the equipment we need, he hasn't yet) and also just because my brother is an asshole. So this isn't helping. And I slept like shit last night because it was too hot (why is the heat on 74?!) and also had to be awake at 8am because my father is dumb and then couldn't get back to sleep for hours. Fucking womp. 

 

Now I'm just going to watch cooking shows and sulk into my salad. 

[fleaball]

Someone kill me please. I've been saying for day we should start early; we started at 7pm. I'm quite sure this cookie tart thing is going to be a disaster because he was in charge of mixing the dough and it's super crumbly? It's just gonna be terrible. Plus we had a moment where the unbleached flour I got (for the first time) had a warning on it that flour has to be cooked; this eggless dough stays raw. So I panic and go target, all the various kinds of flour have the same warning. Stood in the middle of the aisle and called the King Arthur baking hotline and the lady told me to just toast the flour we had for a bit to kill whatever potential pathogens. Run home, do that, get back to cooking. Disaster after disaster. Now he won't shut up about how he was at the store last night and they had a fancy cake surrounded by a ring of cupcakes and he almost got that instead. 
 

it's 9:30 now and the stupid tart is still too warm to do anything with. Gonna be a long fucking night. 

[Athaclena]

On 11/22/2022 at 8:34 PM, fleaball said:

I told my therapist I might beat my father to death with a spatula. She said that would take a while.

I like your therapist....

 

And the warning on the flour - it's basically to cover their ass. It's is EXTREMELY unlikely to be a problem, but you can absolutely bake it or microwave it to be safe. 

A bit late now - but if there's room in the freezer - pop it in there or if it's in a metal pan, ice bath.

 

I'm personally worried over my apple pie dough..... I'm not sure it's right but it's in the oven and looks ok. It tastes fine raw (it's just butter, flour, salt & water) so we'll see. I'm also about to find out if the turkey actually thawed (I checked it this morning and it's still cold enough in there and it wasn't a solid chunk of ice) - so I totally feel you kitchen disasters Also - next time - tell your dad to just buy something. It's FINE!

Hope you're well today. Hang in there!

[fleaball]

Had an appointment with my new pcp (yay) which went fine except for the fact that she did labs, which I wasn't expecting so hadn't had water. Nurse tried in one arm, vein moved. She looked at the other arm then went to get someone else because she couldn't find anything. They wound up going through my hand but had to move the needle around, so now my hand is swollen and bruised and I'm just hoping it doesn't turn into a bigger issue since that's really not something I need right now. 
 

and then I came home in time to see my father walking naked from the bathroom to his room. Luckily it was only from the back but fucking really dude? 🤢

 

Also, yesterday someone posted a bunch of textbooks on that Facebook group and one of them was part two of the Arabic book I have. So I jumped on that shit and picked it up as well. Major fucking nerd here. So excited. Will I do anything with it in the immediate future? Probably not, because since I got totally fucked over in Jordan I never finished part one. But flipping through it just now got me excited so maybe there's hope. 

[fleaball]

21 hours ago, Athaclena said:

I like your therapist....

 

And the warning on the flour - it's basically to cover their ass. It's is EXTREMELY unlikely to be a problem, but you can absolutely bake it or microwave it to be safe. 

A bit late now - but if there's room in the freezer - pop it in there or if it's in a metal pan, ice bath.

 

I'm personally worried over my apple pie dough..... I'm not sure it's right but it's in the oven and looks ok. It tastes fine raw (it's just butter, flour, salt & water) so we'll see. I'm also about to find out if the turkey actually thawed (I checked it this morning and it's still cold enough in there and it wasn't a solid chunk of ice) - so I totally feel you kitchen disasters Also - next time - tell your dad to just buy something. It's FINE!

Hope you're well today. Hang in there!

Yeah I really should just let him buy shit. But I like baking and never do it so when he floats an idea I'm like "yeah let's do it!" and never remember that it's miserable with him. Like despite my joking about it ahead of time I never think it will get as bad as it does. 
 

thanks for the flour info. I'll probably pop the rest of the bag in there just for peace of mind. I know it's a CYA type warning but it caught me off guard and then he started freaking out over it which fed the gremlins and then it just turned into a thing. Bleh. 

[fleaball]

When I got home I decided not to go back to sleep because I as starving and also had a lot of things to do and wasn't particularly tired anyway. Now it's 1:45 and it's gray and cold and rainy, aka perfect conditions in which to curl up under a blanket and go the fuck to sleep. I'm bad at napping so I'm not sure I want to risk it. Sad face. 
 

and my hand still hurts. Which isn't surprising but is particularly annoying. 

[fleaball]

Called and asked to talk to a nurse just because of how fucking swollen the back of my hand is and if there's anything I should watch out for. Receptionist took the message. I just realized I can see said message on the patient portal. It says "site of blood draw hurts. Patient is worried." Um. Yeah no. Obviously if it gets red or warm or anything over the weekend I'll get it checked out but wow that's frustrating. 
 

on the good news front, my cholesterol continues to improve. I don't fucking know how, but the good one went up and the rest went down. My triglycerides are still out of range and she mentioned medication but I'm not here for that. 

[fleaball]

Gremlin attaaaaaaaack

 

doctor noted that my iron was just under the normal range the last couple times it was done and mused that it may have something to do with my current stomach issues. Tested it again (currently at the very bottom of acceptable) plus other stuff and my white blood cells are high, some other things look wonky, ferritin is also at the bottom end of acceptable. Nothing is wildly out of range or anything, but my gremlins are going to town saying I have some kind of infection, there must be internal bleeding, and it's also definitely cancer. 
 

it's not cancer. I've had enough scans of various abdominal organs in the past couple months that if something were cancerous, or even concerning in general, it would have popped. I know this. But that thought came into my head uninvited and now it won't go away. And I remember at some ER visit my wbc was slightly over the high end of the range and I asked about it and they said that by itself doesn't mean anything. So there's not really anything in any of these results that tells me anything about anything. 
 

but fucking gremlins. The last biology class I took was in 2005 but these fuckers think they're  medical experts. I'm so fucking over this. 
 

 

 

edit: honestly the most likely explanation is that it's my magnesium pill. I'm fairly sure this all started when I opened a new bottle, which was significant to her. That's super annoying if that's what it is because she tested it again today and it's still under normal. >__> 

[fleaball]

Good news: stomach issue is getting better, was probably the magnesium. 
 

bad news: had to stop taking Zyrtec last night and can't take it til after my allergy appointment Thursday. I already feel like roadkill. 

[Whisper]

8 hours ago, fleaball said:

bad news: had to stop taking Zyrtec last night and can't take it til after my allergy appointment Thursday. I already feel like roadkill. 

 

Allergy testing seems like a special type of hell. I understand why they have to do it that way, but "just stop taking the stuff that's making things bearable so we can see what's really going on" is a tough pill to (not) swallow. 

[fleaball]

https://rebellion.nerdfitness.com/index.php?/topic/120718-flea-is-so-over-it/&_rid=25846