[Jean]

Howdy folks! Long time no see.

 

I guess I've finally reached the limit of how much stress and being backed into a corner I can endure and I lashed out at work on Friday. This is not acceptable. I don't want it to happen ever again.

 

So it's back to basics. This is one of these dry, checking boxes, types of challenges. There is a lot of venting that needs to happen but that is not what I want to happen here. This place is for focus.

 

I am not planning on taking energy to actively try to answer comments, this challenge is specifically to give me leeway not to care and focus all my resources toward recovering and rebuilding my mental health. While I thank you deeply for the support you have provided so far, and for the support you may provide going forward, you should not come here with expectations. My goal is self-reflection and self-tracking.

 

3 areas of focus :

 

Mindset

Rest: take out my sleeping bag, go somewhere remote, sleep. No computer, no phone, no internet, just an alarm buzzer in case I need it. Checking time for this is 10 pm.

 

Protect your time: take 30 minutes for myself in the morning at work and freeze the Wednesday morning to work on my own projects. During those hours, I don't exist. No phones, no emails and most importantly, no interruptions from coworkers. To enforce this, earbuds will be on during those times. This will be communicated in no equivocal terms on Wednesdey 2nd, morning.

 

Checks :

[ ] went out by 10 pm

[ ] took my 30 minutes of freedom in the morning

[ ] worked on my projects on Wednesday morning

 

Eating

Cook and eat every morning: 1 croque-monsieur, 1 egg, 1 mug of coffee.

Cook and eat in the evening: stir fry of vegetables and potatoes, 1 meat.

Drink herbal tea instead of coffee during the afternoon, at work.

 

Checks :

[ ] ate breakfast

[ ] drank no coffee at work this afternoon

[ ] ate dinner

 

Exercising

Alternate between core exercise days and running days.

Practice low effort pseudo tai-chi as warmup-cooldown

 

Checks :

[ ] did exercise today

[ ] did practice some pseudo tai-chi

 

And this is it. Start date is tomorrow, I'm off to gear on and fill my pantry today.

 

Be great and overcome.

 

[Mistr]

Good to see you here!

 

Your goals are clear and look achievable. I hope these steps make a difference in reducing your stress.

[Jean]

Tuesday, November 1st

[ ] went out by 10 pm (threw it away for no good reason due to a mix of not having planned where to go and deciding that "I should use part of the night for work", which is precisely what I am trying to avoid.)

[ ] took my 30 minutes of freedom in the morning (N/A - holliday)

[ ] worked on my projects on Wednesday morning (N/A)

[ x ] ate breakfast

[ ] drank no coffee at work this afternoon (N/A)

[ x ] ate dinner

[ ] did exercise today (delayed going for it and then, somehow, forgot I had to do it?)

[ ] did practice some pseudo tai-chi (ditto)

[Jean]

Wednesday, November 2nd

[ ] went out by 10 pm (apparently, planning where to go isn't as optional as I would have wanted it to. I'll let this slide for now and focus on choosing a place this weekend)

[ ] took my 30 minutes of freedom in the morning (N/A - 1st day)

[ ] worked on my projects on Wednesday morning (N/A  1st day)

[ ] ate breakfast

[ x ] drank no coffee at work this afternoon

[ x ] ate dinner

[ ] did exercise today (forgot it again o.O !?)

[ ] did practice some pseudo tai-chi (ditto)

 

I had a strange experience tonight. I was laying in bed, trying to rest, and it was 2:30 am and then, suddenly, right after, it was 5:30 am, and I haven't seen a minute pass. Is that what sleeping is like? Feels like it hadn't happened to me in the spawn of my memory. It could be stress decompression too, I felt very broken and void of energy at 5:30 when I woke up. It feels like I really need some rest.

 

 

 

[Jean]

Thursday, November 3rd

[ ] went out by 10 pm (apparently, planning where to go isn't as optional as I would have wanted it to. I'll let this slide for now and focus on choosing a place this weekend)

[ x ] took my 30 minutes of freedom in the morning (yes! It was HARD, my colleague keeps probing me for attention even after being repeatedly dismissed with the "I have 0 seconds for you today" sentence... I don't understand how this man works)

[ ] worked on my projects on Wednesday morning (N/A)

[ ] ate breakfast

[ x ] drank no coffee at work this afternoon

[ x ] ate dinner

[ ] did exercise today (actually gave up for the week)

[ ] did practice some pseudo tai-chi (ditto)

[Jean]

Friday, November 4th

[ ] went out by 10 pm (apparently, planning where to go isn't as optional as I would have wanted it to. I'll let this slide for now and focus on choosing a place this weekend)

[ x ] took my 30 minutes of freedom in the morning

[ ] worked on my projects on Wednesday morning (N/A)

[ ] ate breakfast

[ x ] drank no coffee at work this afternoon

[ x ] ate dinner

[ ] did exercise today (actually gave up for the week)

[ ] did practice some pseudo tai-chi (ditto)

[Jarric]

On 11/3/2022 at 11:49 AM, Jean said:

I had a strange experience tonight. I was laying in bed, trying to rest, and it was 2:30 am and then, suddenly, right after, it was 5:30 am, and I haven't seen a minute pass. Is that what sleeping is like? Feels like it hadn't happened to me in the spawn of my memory. It could be stress decompression too, I felt very broken and void of energy at 5:30 when I woke up. It feels like I really need some rest.

 

I've had this happen to me once, maybe twice. My theory at the time was that I hadn't dreamt at all, whereas perhaps if I dream it feels like time has passed (even if I don't remember dreaming). I have no idea whether there's any validity to that theory.

 

4 hours ago, Jean said:

[ ] did exercise today (actually gave up for the week)

 

Why not re-start mid-week?

[Jean]

10 hours ago, Jarric said:

Why not re-start mid-week?

Mental energy availability: the weekend is when I have time to plan and organize and reset the way I work, doing so during the week, with the work stress on my shoulders is more than I could handle.

 

Speaking of which, we are the weekend and I have some form of energy. Time to take those 30 minutes and take care of my body.

[Renate]

9 hours ago, Jean said:

Speaking of which, we are the weekend and I have some form of energy. Time to take those 30 minutes and take care of my body.

 

Did you get to it? How did that feel?

 

 

[Renate]

On 11/4/2022 at 9:35 PM, Jean said:

[ x ] took my 30 minutes of freedom in the morning (yes! It was HARD, my colleague keeps probing me for attention even after being repeatedly dismissed with the "I have 0 seconds for you today" sentence... I don't understand how this man works)

 

It is interesting to see how people react while setting boundaries.

 

Be patient and steadfast. People are used to approaching you in some way and it will take a while for them to get used to the new rules. ❣️

[Jean]

Just now, Renate said:

Did you get to it? How did that feel?

 

Did it, feels good. The real test is the sleeping tonight. I've somehow screwed my weekend and not set on a location as of now, though I am less in a hurry to get to work very early tomorrow so I may settle for my vineyard, which would be an easy target for the first night.

 

Just now, Renate said:

People are used to approaching you in some way and it will take a while for them to get used to the new rules. ❣️

 

The thing is, those rules should apply to everybody. How do you get nearing the age of 40, married with kids, as an engineer in the relevant field and not know that you can't spam people 24/7 and have to leave them space to actually do their job and not be 100% of the time purely devoted to you? I'm baffled. Baffled, say I!

 

Saturday, November 5th

[ ] went out by 10 pm (poker night trumped that, in that I had no plan to actually go out while I didn't know at what time the game would end)

[ ] took my 30 minutes of freedom in the morning (N/A)

[ ] worked on my projects on Wednesday morning (N/A)

[ x ] ate breakfast

[ ] drank no coffee at work this afternoon (N/A)

[ x ] ate dinner

[ ] did exercise today (actually gave up for the week)

[ ] did practice some pseudo tai-chi (ditto)

[Jean]

Sunday, November 6th

[ x ] went out by 10 pm (can't say I slept a lot, the night was kind of cold, but it's the effort that matters. I think I could get used to this if I manage to make it a real thing)

[ ] took my 30 minutes of freedom in the morning (N/A)

[ ] worked on my projects on Wednesday morning (N/A)

[ x ] ate breakfast

[ ] drank no coffee at work this afternoon (N/A)

[ x ] ate dinner

[ x ] did exercise today

[ x ] did practice some pseudo tai-chi

[Mistr]

I notice a trend of doing a little more of the things you want to do. Very encouraging!

[Jean]

For those wondering what is happening in my life, the only thing on schedule is not drinking coffee in the afternoons.

 

The trend is still alive but I'm starting from so very low that anything, really, constitutes doing a bit more of what I want to do... I don't expect meeting the goals of this challenge but since I like this plan, at least I have it down on paper for when I'll decide to actually go for it.

 

On positive news : despite the usual chaos around, we have managed to enforce working processes for my department at work. It was not a given and went through all the phases of exerting and countering political influences. I'm glad I am able to win those fights, there are more of them in the future.

 

Anoter good piece of news is that I am now very close to having my financial tracking spreadsheet all clean and ready for next year. This was not a given either since I have applied major changes to my setup these last months. That's yet another concern off my head.

 

Now to keep recovering and show how efficient I can really be.

[Mistr]

Yay for progress on several of your goals!

 

I hope that these small steps put you in a better position for the next round.