[Heidi]

Last challenge was about embracing the stillness, and as we enter the final days of the year, the nights seem to be gobbling up the daylight, and the thin sunshine buffeted by wind, rain, and and a cold that crawls through the cracks.

 

I have a list of things that need to be buttoned up before the end of the year.

My focus this round is to go slowly, making time and space for what supports and sustains me. I've found that when I do this, and go gently, all the rest falls into place.

 

Happy Solstice, friends.

[Heidi]

What's on my list, you ask?

Tidying up and tying up loose ends.

 

Like a winter bear, I'm ensconced in my cave, barely going out, and resting long and often.

• I have a paper to finish for class, a ten-page thing that i don't particularly want to write, but I think I've figured out an approach, and that's a magical thing.
• There's a friend coming into town for the holidays and he wants to get together. I'm not really feeling it, even though we've been friends and have gotten together during Christmas most years up until the pandemic. I'll have to navigate this space with grace and gentleness. 
• Visitations and celebration with Vivian are the main points along the way in the coming weeks. 
• Phase Two of purging some stuff from the apartment.
• Rest. Lots of rest.

Even pinball, acupuncture, and the gym are barely on my calendar right now, given my increased rest needs and the nasty germ-cocktail that is floating around.

As the Cold Moon shines her light towards our little planet, I'm taking the opportunity to stay inside, eat warm and warming foods, and regather my energies.

 

[Tanktimus the Encourager]

Here for support. 

[Sovalis]

Here to follow along of course. Hope you're getting all of the delicious slow rest. 

[DarK_RaideR]

Always here

[Heidi]

On 11/30/2022 at 8:57 PM, Tanktimus the Encourager said:

Here for support. 

Team work makes the dream work. Glad to have you, as ever.

 

On 12/1/2022 at 10:37 AM, Sovalis said:

Here to follow along of course. Hope you're getting all of the delicious slow rest. 

Thank you, and welcome back! No rest yet, but hopefully soon.

 

On 12/1/2022 at 11:00 AM, DarK_RaideR said:

Always here

Always glad. Always.

 

 

Yesterday was a very long day, as Thursdays are, but went longer then usual because the code drop took so long. Then this morning I logged in at 7:30 (as usual) and only just now logged out. I’m tired. I have some weird cold-type thing, and all I want to do is crawl under the covers and go to sleep, which I might well do.

 

Vivian comes tomorrow and Sunday, and I’m looking forward to it.

Probably taking a hot bath and then hitting the sack.

It was a good week.

 

The long hours have added up, and this morning I paid a big chunk (for me) of a loan, one of four that i ended up taking out over the course of the pandemic back when i had no job and a ton of surprise expenses (I paid one off entirely earlier this year). I chose the one that has the lowest balance, which means I can see the end point on this one, and friends, this is starting to smell like freedom.  [Watch this space, as being not only debt free but also lowering my regular monthly expenses is a major focus for 2023.]

 

Slow Horses season two premiers tonight, and if I’m awake, I’ll be knitting while I watch. I still have both sleeves and the collar to knit of Vivian’s sweater, and a cowl to finish that I’m making for myself.  Chances are pretty good that all this will have to wait until Monday, though.

 

May you have peace this day.

 

 

 

[Heidi]

Vivian and I had a beautiful day together. 

 

My sleep schedule seems back on track, which is nice, and—surprising no one—the last two days of extended, hyper focused work meant that i woke up with the start of a migraine this morning. I didn’t hesitate to take maxalt, and I’m glad I have my head screwed on in the right direction about this. (Yes, it still occurs to me to wait, but I say thanks, we know better, and move on).

 

I had cleaned up and was enjoying my second cup of tea when she arrived.

 

We went downtown and poked around the science museum and the Starcade (an old school arcade, but this is the “star city of the south” so you can see what happened). Her favorite motorcycle racing game was out of commission (pause for a moment of silence) so we played a two-player adventure game and then she beat me at several rounds of air hockey. We had just enough time for a couple games of pinball before we headed across the street to the burger joint, where the grill cook was at the top of his game, the fries were crisp, golden perfection, and the root beer had just the right amount of snap before we scootered back to the loft and stowed our gear, grabbed our tickets and walked next door to the concert hall where we saw Beauty and the Beast. 

 

I tell you, I’m not a fan of musicals, generally, and I figured I’d sit through this play with more tolerance than anything, but they really knocked it out of the park. We were on the edge of our seats, laughing at the bar-room antics. Belle’s song about not wanting this provincial life, sung in a performance hall in our fairly provincial town was a little on the nose, and it was genuine and sharp, not schmaltzy or saccharine, and I knew we’d be in for a good show. Beast’s solo was out of this world aching, and Morrissey couldn’t have done it better. Gaston truly stole the show and I’m looking forward to seeing more from this actor. Just wow.  

 

We have tickets for The Nutcracker in two weeks, and it’s going to be a hard act to follow. 

The theatre in my little backwater seems to really be growing up, and thank you, Universe, because even more than a library, I need good theatre.

 

We walked home talking about the show, and then black in the apartment we sat for ten minutes or so in silence, just enjoying being home and thinking back on the day. We watched a few minutes of Wednesday before we had to head down to the lobby, which was mostly just us  talking instead of watching —  about Wednesday and the situation between her and her roommate Enid and how friend arguments are actually the worst.

 

She was pretty quiet on the walk to the parking lot.  I think we’re both looking forward to picking up where we left off when we get together tomorrow morning. We’re also both pretty tired from the active day. 

[Tanktimus the Encourager]

So great the theater was so much fun.

[Heidi]

12 hours ago, Tanktimus the Encourager said:

So great the theater was so much fun.

Thank you! Of all the things that vanished in 2020, I miss the theatre and the cinema most.

 

Week 1 roundup of The List:

1. The Paper: nope, nothing yet
2. Rest: first few days were super wonky, and then I seemed to reset at the end of the week. Definitely want to focus on keeping the reset as I go into next week, though I'm not sure yet what that will look like.
3. Vivian: wow, so much Vivian ❣️ We've spent six of the last fourteen days together, and it's been grand.
4. Stuff & Things: I did a small bit of neatening that involved getting rid of some outdated this and that,mostly in the paperwork and books area.
5. Financial Freedom: made a large extra payment on a debt.

Speaking of Stuff & Things, Let's talk about books for a minute. I'm pretty dedicated to a digital library except for the writing notebooks, and it's a scary thing: books are my comfort and my identity and my touchstone. At one point (back in the late 90s) I had a panic attack while reducing my collection to "only the essentials." (Even though it was a reduction by two-thirds, I still had over a thousand books. Moving involved a Ryder truck just for the books and bookcases.) And of course the collection grew from there and has been cut again over time, sometimes thoughtfully, sometimes brutally. My collection in January 2020 was probably well over 4000 book titles (not including several hundred volumes each of comics--comics were probably close to a couple thousand if I'm being honest--, DVDs, music CDs, and VHS tapes). I now have 200-300 physical books, half of which are probably headed to donation. (I have a habit of choosing a dozen or so at a time, dropping them in my backpack, and distributing them in the Little Free Libraries that I pass.) It's like the burning of Alexandria but with ice.

[Tanktimus the Encourager]

1 hour ago, Heidi said:

It's like the burning of Alexandria but with ice.

Except the books survive. This is an important difference. The redistribution of wealth is not the destruction of wealth. 

[Scaly Freak]

4 hours ago, Tanktimus the Encourager said:

Except the books survive. This is an important difference. 

 

A fundamental and critical difference. Books are meant to be read.

[Sovalis]

On 12/4/2022 at 7:30 AM, Tanktimus the Encourager said:

Except the books survive. This is an important difference. The redistribution of wealth is not the destruction of wealth. 

This is so important. 

[Heidi]

On 12/4/2022 at 9:30 AM, Tanktimus the Encourager said:

Except the books survive. This is an important difference. The redistribution of wealth is not the destruction of wealth. 

 

On 12/4/2022 at 2:17 PM, Scaly Freak said:

 

A fundamental and critical difference. Books are meant to be read.

 

On 12/6/2022 at 4:00 PM, Sovalis said:

This is so important. 

I love you guys!

 

Sunday was lovely with Vivian, mostly spent indoors before a trip to the pool. We finished watching Wednesday and then she wanted to watch SPIES in Disguise which is a much better film than I expected it to be.

 

By the time she left, we were both wiped out, and I think I was asleep before 8.

I ended up canceling everything for Monday and Tuesday evenings. I did meet with the co-chair for my committee on Tuesday afternoon and that  was just great; I’m really looking forward to having her insights along the way. At this point, it looks like graduation will be in 2024, but don’t write it down in ink just yet.

 

I’ve been thinking about restarting my public philosophy group, and about needing a smallish, dedicated space for that and for a handful of other philosophy work, including possibly restarting my radio interview series with local legislators and public policy makers. I was mulling that over on the drive to the co-op to pick up the last vegetable delivery of the season, and as I walked in, I saw the owner of the local low-fi radio station at the checkout, the same guy who hosted the series of radio shows back when I started them in 2017. He and I talked a bit, and he is very enthusiastic about having the show on the air again. One of our biggest stumbling blocks was the post-interview production: our sound engineer was difficult to schedule (he’s retired) and we needed someone completely different to do the mixing and editing. So it was good to talk about what would be needed, and where we’re all going. I’m now thinking about what the editing and post-production would entail and how to find the right person for the job (I know nothing about production).

 

While I was writing, the contracting agency called and wanted to know if I was okay with extending my contract another six months. I said yes, of course.

The Universe loves me and wants me to be happy.

 

[Heidi]

It was another long week at work. Ten hours days are a lot.

Yes, I’m still very glad to have a job, and to have specifically this job. 

 

I met with the co-chair of my committee on Tuesday, and she’s great. I’m very excited to be working with her, and she said all sorts of interesting things that I had never even imagined, mostly questions about how the committee can support my endeavors. This is all new to me, but I love it.

 

No real efforts were made with purging more things, but the overall state of the apartment has been maintained: dishes, laundry, cleaning, folding, etc. While I haven’t made any measurable progress, I haven’t lost any ground, so I’ll take it as a win.

 

I admit that I’ve had zero energy for anything other than logging in at 7:30 and logging out at 5:30 (or later). I haven’t gone to the gym or acupuncture. I even missed an appointment with my daughter’s therapist when a situation blew up at work and needed all hands on deck to address—by the time we were done, the appointment had ended. I wrote to ask for rescheduling options, but haven’t heard back (typical of this therapist, and irritating.)

 

A lack of gym time is taking a toll physically, so I’ve added in a regular-ish hot bath. This seems to help a lot with both the cold symptoms and how I feel in general. More of this.

 

The paper is still barely limping along, but this morning while I was writing about it (the problem is that on the one hand I have too much to say and on the other hand too much has already been said by others), I hit on a sentence that might well be a landing point: “This policy brief examines the national trend of local and regional policies in the past fifty (twenty?) years that sideline educational funding, prioritize subsidies to industry, and diminish responsibility for education.” Frankly, if i can get five cohesive pages by Christmas, I’m going to call it all good and send it (the assignment is ten pages).

 

I’m meeting a friend for lunch while he’s in town to do some shopping. I still don’t really want to go out, and leaving is extremely difficult. 

 

This week is a success, such as it is.

[Heidi]

As I write this, the moon’s wan illumination is a silver sliver in the cracking cold dark sky. The ember days are upon us, a time when we look inward for warmth and light, when fires are kindled by faith. 

So much has happened this year. 

In January, Vivian spent her first official moments in the apartment with me, and though they were few, I remember saying at the time that it felt like a sea change. Now, as the year gathers into herself, I am writing after having spent two full days with her, hosting her first overnight. It was not without bumps, but that, too, brought unexpected treasure, a solstice miracle: her father went out of his way to help smooth things over during the visit, participating in active deescalation. I was bowled over with gratitude, knowing that this is what grace looks like. I am holding a soft hope that this can be the shape of things to come, but even if it is not, the peace of the moment is no small thing. 

I’m settling into the apartment, and while it might seem that I only just got here, it’s taken me since three years to feel at home anywhere. It’s small, but it’s home.

This year, in the early summer, after having been sidelined from employment for the longest time in my life, I once again am among the gainfully-employed, even if only temporarily. I am grateful that the lochs in the channels of currency seem open once again.  I spent most of the summer dogsitting, and my travels have mostly been downtown or a couple times to Staunton to catch a Shakespeare play. 

Vivian and I saw three plays this year by Virginia Children’s Theatre, and we enjoyed each one. (We skipped The Nutcracker this year — so much downtowning to get to!) We also went to Layman Farm for the Fall Festival, an outing we especially enjoy together, and I’m grateful for all the assistance that Stacy provided in helping make sure these events were able to happen.

Physically, too, I’ve enjoyed a lacuna of peacefulness. I am grateful for the acupuncturist and the neuro-optometrist who have helped restore my literal equilibrium. This is a state I had not imagined this time last year. 

Along this journey around the sun, there have been many smiles and delights, not the least of which is Vivian’s growth with music and the saxophone. She’s also very good on the clarinet, and is thinking of moving to the bass clarinet because she loves its tone; I am happy that I am able to be supportive of this expression.

2022 has been a year of finding my footing, especially with regards to school. I’m still in doctoral classes, and the upcoming term might prove another challenge, though having to limit my classes to accommodate the schedule of seeing Vivian so much is a problem I rejoice in having. I’m in conversation with my newly-formed doctoral committee to make sure I have guidance along the way. This, too, is new, and delightful. 

I still haven’t quite gotten the hang of my social muscles just yet: I miss as many pinball league nights as I attend, but I always enjoy it when I go, and they’re always glad to see me when I do. The public philosophy discussion group and interview series that I had begun before the head injury had been put on ice, but lately tender shoots have been cropping up on this front. I’m not sure what form they will take, but it’s encouraging. My novel of Persephone went dark as well over the last year; healing is its own creative project. But the writing keeps happening, even if some days I don’t know what I’m saying yet.

Thank you for being along with me this year, Friends.

Keep expecting a miracle.

 

[Tanktimus the Encourager]

So glad you had so much good happen this year. I'm very happy for you.

[Sovalis]

This was such a heart warming update to read. ❤️ Thank you for sharing your adventures so freely. 

[Heidi]

On 12/19/2022 at 7:37 AM, Tanktimus the Encourager said:

So glad you had so much good happen this year. I'm very happy for you.

Thank you. I am very happy, too, friend. 

Thanks for being along the journey, through the Holy Cow Now What moments and seeing that the miracle is feeling our way through the uncertainty, confusion, and doubt without giving up (or giving in to despair). When I count my blessings this year, I list you twice.

 

On 12/19/2022 at 9:45 PM, Sovalis said:

This was such a heart warming update to read. ❤️ Thank you for sharing your adventures so freely. 

So much of this year has been living in expectation of a miracle, that I was nearly knocked off my chair when it arrived. 🙂

 

May your days be filled with warmth and love.

[Tanktimus the Encourager]

2 minutes ago, Heidi said:

On 12/19/2022 at 6:37 AM, Tanktimus the Encourager said:

 

Thank you. I am very happy, too, friend. 

Thanks for being along the journey, through the Holy Cow Now What moments and seeing that the miracle is feeling our way through the uncertainty, confusion, and doubt without giving up (or giving in to despair). When I count my blessings this year, I list you twice.

[Heidi]

The hits just keep on coming.

Magnetic north, and an anchor

Yesterday evening I retrieved the mail, a box from my boss among the stack. He had asked for my address a couple weeks ago, mentioning sending some company swag, and I had forgotten all about it. I assumed it would be a logo mug, or a tee shirt, and began opening the box while having conversation about other things, absently balling up the packing tape and removing the bubble wrap.

 

When I opened the gift, I was bowled over with how perfect it is.

Wow.

 

Happy solstice.

Everything gets lighter from now on.

[Sovalis]

What a stunning gift. Way to go, Boss! 

[Heidi]

My new year’s day is today (I know, I know: Leave it to a Druid to have her own calendar).

 

I have been thinking about how I fell into a hole at the end of October: barely coming out of the house, very little communicating, etc etc. and I think that what I want to focus on most this coming season is measuring. I don’t care much what the numbers are, as long as I have the numbers. There’s a lot of goodness that has come my way in the last four weeks, and I’d like to continue leaning into that, working with whatever the Universe has in store for me.

 

I went to the gym and walked a mile as I thought about these things, then hit the sauna and the steam room. Gosh, it was wonderful.

I’ve had 2 L of water so far, and clocked just over 4500 steps.

I had 2 eggs with a bit of ham, cheese, and shredded potato for lunch, and a nice large salad after the gym.

I haven’t done any of the shopping today — a tire is flat again, and it has been raining buckets all day, so scootering is not an option. The last-minute errands have been bumped to tomorrow after the IKEA shelves arrive (sometime between 10 and 2).

I did a little neatening up around the apartment.

I paid off another loan and made another large payment on one of the two that remain.

 

I am tired and content.

This is the Way.

[Heidi]

 

I tried a NewThing today: oatmeal in the slow cooker.

It turned out amazing.

 

I use freshly rolled oats, but any variety of old-fashioned oats will do. (If you need them to be gluten-free, make sure they are processed at a gluten-free facility; while oats don’t have gluten, they can pick it up on the equipment from other grains. If you only have quick-cooking oats on hand, it’s all good, they just won’t be as creamy and they have a bit less nutrition, but they’re still wonderful.)

 

Stir one cup of rolled oats into 3 cups of water* (double or triple or halve or whatever mathematics make sense to you and your equipment / size of your army**). I like to add in a little cinnamon for cooking, but it’s totally optional. They say a dash of salt is optional too, but i find it makes a world of difference.

Cover and cook on low for 8 hours or overnight.

The oatmeal will have much less definition than you’re probably used to, but it will be super creamy tasting. To enhance the creaminess, you can add some actual fresh cream at this point—the slow cooked oats will really incorporate it well.

Scoop out and serve in a bowl.

I like mine topped with freshly grated ginger, Vietnamese cinnamon, and some jumbo flame raisins.

Some folks go the peanut butter and banana route, or the berries and walnuts route, or the swirl of Nutella route. It’s a wonderful base for any of the toppings you’re into at the moment and have on hand.

 

*Any liquid, really — I hear half milk and half water makes a really nice balance, and I’m looking forward to trying it. I would recommend whole milk if you go this route. I am also considering going straight three cups of milk and having that replace my morning yogurt. Want to make it dairy free? Go with almond milk!

 

**Leftovers keep in the fridge for up to five days.

[Heidi]

Well, Friends, today is a good day.

 

When i woke up this morning, I had no clue about how I was going to motivate myself to get out of bed, let alone everything else on the list.

I made tea and sat in the darkness — the window glass groaned as the temperature dropped.

 

I huddled under the covers a bit longer, then got up and started poking around, neatening this, tidying that.

 

I decided to go to the gym, probably just to sauna, before if went from very cold to HolyMoly. On my way there, a friend called and we talked about my flat tire. He said he would be out and about, and wanted to try inflating it with the device he keeps in his truck, and of course I said yes and thank you. He and I both know there’s nothing whatsoever wrong with the tire; I just had them replaced a few months ago.

 

At the gym, I decided to walk just a couple laps before going downstairs to the sauna, and that turned into a mile.

 

In the locker room, I went to the steam room for ten minutes or so, then the sauna (I track the steam room and sauna as “yoga” on my Fitbit, since it seems to make as much sense as anything). I was truly glad that I walked the track, and then in the steam room I felt some of the tension in my head and neck give way; what a blessing. I was ready for nothing more than a nap, and I went back to the apartment, content.

 

I warmed up some leftover oatmeal and added chopped ginger, cinnamon, butter, and ground almonds. The almonds help boost my overall calorie intake (which is way too low, overall), and they help fight inflammation. Plus they’re just amazing. I don’t seem to care for honey or sugar in my oatmeal—it seems too sweet—and I’ve never been a fan of maple syrup, so I added in some flame raisins and that seemed Just Right.

 

I scrolled through my email as I ate, unsubscribing from newsletters and the like that somehow seem to creep up over time.

Also, I got a notification that I’ve been invited to a conference to talk about personal liberty and public health in February. Flattering, but no. It’s far away, and it would be on my dime, and there is no virtual component, and do we not know there is a germ war going on?

 

I was rinsing my bowl out, looking very forward to going back to bed, when the IKEA dudes texted that they were 15 minutes away. I finished up and put on shoes, scarf, and coat and had them put the big boxes in the mailroom. I ordered two Billy bookcases that I’ll put together next week and use for storage in the bedroom, but for now there’s simply nowhere to store the boxes.

 

I went back to the apartment with the box of small items (a tin for my tea, a new set of chopsticks) and puttered for a minute. I decided to go downtown, despite it being only 16 degrees; the wind had slowed down to a mere breeze, and the sun was out, such as it was. I chose to park in the parking garage and then went into the vintage candy and toy shop to get some goodies for Vivian’s stocking before heading over to the hiking store to pick up the gift that I had on hold there. They were absolutely wonderful and wrapped it and everything. I stopped in at the pinball museum on the way back to the parking garage; there’s a new Weird Al game that I wanted to try. It’s very strange—the board is a video screen and *stuff happens* all over the place. I racked up 1.3 million points, and I’m not sure if that’s a good score or not.

 

I am home, and safe and warm.

The temperature is about to take another dive, and I’m under blankets.

There is nothing left to do other than drink tea, watch an episode of Slow Horses,  and take that nap.

 

Life is good.

[Heidi]

Post downtowning lunch was one of my favorites: [It needs a name, suggestions welcomed!]

 

Take a rectangular Pyrex container (I use a 3 cup one) and line the bottom with shredded—or finely diced— potato (you can pat it to remove moisture if you’d like, but it’s not strictly required). Add some minced onion on top and set in the microwave for 30 seconds to warm (especially important if the potato has been in the fridge, as mine are). While it’s heating, chop two thin slices each uncured applewood smoked ham and sharp cheese of your choice (I have some lovely extra sharp Vermont white cheddar). Distribute the chopped ham and cheese on top of the potatoes and onions. Crack two eggs into the mess and mix with a fork. Microwave for 90 seconds, stir and microwave for another 30 seconds or so. Stir again when you remove it, if you want. Let it rest for a couple minutes (or longer).

 

Five minutes or less, the perfect amount of time to steep a pot of tea.

 

You can change this around with any vegetables on hand, of course.

In May I love the way this tastes with fresh spinach or collards, and then in July with basil and tomato.

Mix it up with the meats, omit the potato if you’re going keto (though if you’re craving potato on keto, this is a great way to get just enough to taste it and feel it without breaking the bank: a medium white potato has 28 net carbs, and I think I used maybe a third? A quarter would easily be sufficient). 

 

If you want to feel spoiled, add a sprinkling of fresh herbs at any point.

Toss in some turmeric and black pepper to help with inflammation and boost your immune system.

Anyway you cook it, it’s a win.