[Rhovaniel]

On 1/22/2023 at 9:09 PM, MaeradCase said:

Sounds like a wonderful weekend despite the bad news. I'm glad for the call we had. It was a lot of fun discussing D&D and getting a new perspective of my novel. Also a distracted walk sounds really nice right now. ❤

Thanks Maerad. I also am so grateful for that call. 

 

 

On 1/22/2023 at 9:31 PM, Tanktimus the Encourager said:

Good job setting boundaries with your sister. The only good thing about group chats is they can be muted.

Yep. There is drama and old people in that thing and I am sort of uncomfortable about the idea of having a massive group chat about someone's illness anyway, even if they are family. I muted, because leaving it would probably provoke some of the snooty folk. 

 

 

On 1/23/2023 at 10:59 AM, Jarric said:

 

I'm prepared to better that you're already a better DM than you think you are

 

Good news about the physio, I'm really glad it's fixable! Just be patient and trust the process (or you can use my strategy from last year, and keep pushing to hard and re-injuring it every couple of months).

 

Sorry to hear about your nan. I don't think it makes you sound callous though; reality is that you're always likely to feel more worried about people you have a close emotional connection to that about other people. And a close emotional connection is not defined by how close someone sits in your family tree.

Thanks Jarric. I hope so. They seemed to enjoy tonight's session anyway - they ran into ice mephits who were attacking a prone figure on the ground - one of the party's uncles. I'm setting up for the showdown and it's very fun.

 

This is very, very true. There is one very close family tree branch that, emotionally, is a dead bit of wood to me.

 

*no, not my Nan

 

On 1/23/2023 at 12:52 PM, Salinger said:

Proud of you Rho x

Thanks Sal.

 

On 1/23/2023 at 5:22 PM, Sovalis said:

Sounds like you and I have similar family dynamics. So much empathy and solidarity. Great progress on all of your things. I am also hoping you find the fabric that inspires giddy joy. Crossing my fingers for it!

I have... but it was a gorgeous forest/moss green linen I've seen online and linen is hella expensive. I need to find a cheaper material I think. 

 

On 1/23/2023 at 11:09 PM, Rurik Harrgath said:

 

I'm going to start doing this before all of my appointments.

It is the best. 

 

 

 

So, today was a study day with no class session. I took a quiet mental day instead, because I could feel the pressure building and yesterday I was getting upset and angry over small things. It worked out well. I also decided to last minute book a hair cut (it was getting unruly as heck) and walked into a noisy, busy salon that instantly made me want to nope. Thank god I kept walking to the counter because the hairdresser I got was amazing. Sensed right away I had massive anxiety, and offered to cut my hair in the  back room,  in the staff area. It was quieter, calmer, she made my hair look amazing, and didn't push any small talk. I have never felt so understood in a customer setting (therapy doesn't count). I was trying to power through and this lovely hairdresser went 'I see you. I got you.' It was the first time I actually felt mental health being catered for the way any other limitation would be. Safe to say I know where I'll be going for my next hair cut. 

 

The rest of the day went well. Not much productivity happened at all, but I did enough planning for D&D tonight that the session went well and DM Anxiety was kept to a minimum, and  more importantly, I feel better. Sure, I need to do some catch-up/make up work for the course (given it was self directed study, they weren't exactly keeping tabs) but I needed today. It wasn't stress free (I was rooting in my bag for the anxiety medication before the hairdresser came over) but that's okay. Tasks and goals can wait a little. 

 

 

[Ziraiah]

Such an amazing hairdresser you got there! Dealing with anxiety can be really hard. That kind of kind and compassionate people can truly make all the difference!

[Rurik Harrgath]

On 1/25/2023 at 4:48 PM, Rhovaniel said:

Thank god I kept walking to the counter because the hairdresser I got was amazing. Sensed right away I had massive anxiety, and offered to cut my hair in the  back room,  in the staff area. It was quieter, calmer, she made my hair look amazing, and didn't push any small talk. I have never felt so understood in a customer setting (therapy doesn't count). I was trying to power through and this lovely hairdresser went 'I see you. I got you.' It was the first time I actually felt mental health being catered for the way any other limitation would be. Safe to say I know where I'll be going for my next hair cut.

 

Happy Monday!

 

There is nothing better than when a stranger sees you and delivers exactly what you need.  Like, you don't know me and couldn't possibly understand what I need, but somehow you recognize it all the same, giving exactly what is needed without the asking.

 

Soo happy for you.

[Rhovaniel]

Hello.

 

Sorry for the silence. It's been kinda tough here. My Dad's kidney failure is moving quickly. It's gone from monitoring every two weeks at the doctor to needing a transplant. Then there's been family feuding over a bunch of things and I am struggling with how to navigate that and stay sane and also try to pull myself together and get my thesis written and try not to get mad at myself when I look in a mirror.... genuinely the fact that tomorrow is the start of my D&D meet-up weekend is literally the only thing keeping me from a meltdown. I'm actually going tonight, so I can have some decompression time, sit (bundled up in layers and a hat!) by the ocean and try to find the inner calm that got lost in the current storm. 

 

So, an early wrap up. Wintering was a good start, a good idea. The thing is, I still found myself taking on too much. I want to learn to sew, I want to knit a cardigan, I want to learn all these things and at the same time lose weight and find time to read and.... yeah, you see where I'm going with this. I'm a stressed and anxious ball of internal screaming. We are at Midwinter now (so google says). It is bleak and cold and I am yearning for spring like no other year. Maybe in keeping with themes of seasonality my next challenge will focus on the Midwinter to Spring transition. But the challenge itself wasn't a complete bust. I made it to the end, that's a start. Also, some things got ticked off my Winter Goals list:

 

Winter Goals: 

Read by candlelight 10 times (7/10) - honestly, my favourite goal and something I actively make time for. Got to remember not to sit too close to them though, candle fumes are not healthy!

Read The Ranger's Apprentice, Book 1 and Book 2 - not started these, but I will. 

Re-read The Fellowship of the Ring   Completed this yesterday!

Re-read The Two Towers (In progress)

Re-read The Return of the King

Watch all 3 Hobbit films (1/3)

Watch all 3 LOTR films (1/3)

See doc about leg pain (in progress) Calling this as done because I got it looked at and we have a treatment plan now!

see doc about sinuses Culling this goal too. I will focus on the immediate issues first. 

Be able to run 1 mile without pain

finish knitting cardigan - Leaving this for now, because it is quite nice to do, but it is Low Priority 

repair jeans - this should be a simple repair, once I find the patch thingy I'm using to repair the hole. They are my favourite jeans that I very much want to fit in again. Goal stays. 

plan and sew one project to completion I'm scrapping this one. If it's on the list, it will give me background stress that I'm not doing it. Now is not the time for learning new skills. 

Finish Masters chapter 2 - BIG GOAL, and needs to be prioritized more. 

Read stock book - eh, sure. Finances are important. Fine, it stays. 

Plan Spring/Summer Adventures 2023 - damn, really got to start booking!

Start writing again The time for this will come. It is not now. 

Reach at least 77kg by March 20 

 

 

If you're reading this, thanks for staying around. Sorry I didn't keep up with many threads. But I love and appreciate you all nonetheless. 

 

 

 

 

 

[Tanktimus the Encourager]

Sorry about your Dad and the family drama. Hugs.

[MaeradCase]

3 hours ago, Rhovaniel said:

If you're reading this, thanks for staying around. Sorry I didn't keep up with many threads. But I love and appreciate you all nonetheless. 

 

Glad to be here to support you. Sorry your dad is declining in health.

Glad the D&D group meetup has given you something to look forward to. I hope it's a bunch of fun.

I'm impressed you're making a sweater! I made a cardigan once, and I swore off ever making anything more complicated than scarves, gloves, or hats.

[Rurik Harrgath]

4 hours ago, Rhovaniel said:

Sorry for the silence.

 

Never been an apology needed, but we appreciate the update!

 

4 hours ago, Rhovaniel said:

try to find the inner calm that got lost in the current storm. 

You say “find the inner calm that got lost in the current storm,” I say…

 

You are the storm. 
 

4 hours ago, Rhovaniel said:

I want to learn to sew

So do I. Actually it’s a big goal I’ve been slow to embrace and tackle head-on. Let’s figure this out, and when you’re ready for it… I’ll keep you accountable on it if you’ll help the same for me!

 

4 hours ago, Rhovaniel said:

If you're reading this, thanks for staying around. Sorry I didn't keep up with many threads. But I love and appreciate you all nonetheless. 

 

 

Watch when you’ve got the time, but the part to really keep in mind?

 

”…when the sun shines, it’ll shine all the clearer.”

[Sovalis]

Sending you love.

[Rhovaniel]

3 hours ago, Tanktimus the Encourager said:

Sorry about your Dad and the family drama. Hugs.

Thank you, Tank. I try my damndest to stay out of it. It's hard though, because my Dad is in the middle of it and his family's actions are hurting him. 

 

2 hours ago, MaeradCase said:

Glad to be here to support you. Sorry your dad is declining in health.

Glad the D&D group meetup has given you something to look forward to. I hope it's a bunch of fun.

I'm impressed you're making a sweater! I made a cardigan once, and I swore off ever making anything more complicated than scarves, gloves, or hats.

Thank you. We have briefly talked about the implications, with him needing a transplant. Family will have the best chance of being a good match. My sister and I have both told him separately that we'd be willing to donate one of our kidneys, or at least get tested to see if we are a match. But at the moment he's a little reluctant. His actual words were 'I'm coming to the end of my life, yours is still ahead of you'. Which, kinda broke my heart a little already. He is not even 60 yet. 

 

 

 

1 hour ago, Rurik Harrgath said:

You say “find the inner calm that got lost in the current storm,” I say…

 

You are the storm.

I don't know about being the storm itself, but I do know I've weathered worse. I can weather this too. I gotta sharpen my sword is all. 

 

1 hour ago, Rurik Harrgath said:

So do I. Actually it’s a big goal I’ve been slow to embrace and tackle head-on. Let’s figure this out, and when you’re ready for it… I’ll keep you accountable on it if you’ll help the same for me!

Awesome! Absolutely, when I am able to take it up, I'll let you know!

 

1 hour ago, Rurik Harrgath said:

 

 

Watch when you’ve got the time, but the part to really keep in mind?

 

”…when the sun shines, it’ll shine all the clearer.”

I adore that scene so much, thank you for the reminder. Winter reminds us to appreciate the spring. Hard times reminds us to cherish the good. 

 

Winter, I would like to inform you I have the memo now. Consider spring appreciated. Please send it to me at your earliest convenience. Tomorrow would be great, thanks  

 

 

58 minutes ago, Sovalis said:

Sending you love.

Thanks Sovalis. I appreciate you!