[Gemma]

My life, past year or so, has been good. Quiet, calm, predictable, sane, and content. NOTHING WRONG with that, I've really enjoyed and appreciated it.

 

I am beginning to feel a bit restless. My brain itches and my comfort zone is too comfortable. I want to have an adventure. Time to get brave. 

 

 

I have three BigBad goals for 2023. These are loose floaty moving-target sorts of goals and I won't even be mad if I don't hit 'em, but I need to get back in the habit of taking the shot. 

 

1) Audition for community theater things

2) Submit a story to a publisher

3) Shoot in competition  

 

Additional long-term goals for the upcoming year (I'll be adding to this all challenge):

• Consolidate multiple financial thingies left over from various jobs
• Add regular rings workouts into my week (after the weather warms up some, my rings-hanging spot is outdoors!)
• Save up for and buy new LR furniture (our very old sofa and loveseat combo have become quite uncomfortable and back pain inducing)
• Complete round 3 of Elements and at least 1 round of Integral Strength, then re-assess and see what's next

 

 

For the January challenge the focus is #1, theatrical things. 

 

 

 

Goal: Weekly voice lessons with the long-term goal of confidence to audition for a musical. 

 

Additional goals:

• Elements 2x/week
• Literal Immortality 2x week
• In bed by 9 p.m. every night 

 

Long-winded detail stuff that will only be interesting to theater/performing arts enthusiasts behind the wall: 

Spoiler

Theater is how I survived high school. I signed up for drama as a freshman because it sounded like an easy A and the least boring elective available, then by dumb luck I had the world's best drama teacher ever. We did three productions a year, I was in many of them and did set design and/or costumes and makeup for others and I loved every second of it.  I am a decently competent actor and dancer. 

 

Singing is different. I can sing ... I was in chorus all through middle school and high school, even participated in a few district and state vocal competitions. Didn't win or do particularly well, but participated and didn't embarrass myself. But for some reason since I left high school (nigh on four decades ago) I have not only not sung in public, but developed a near phobia of singing in front of people. In-the-shower-only for this girl, and if it's karaoke night I definitely have to stay home and wash my hair! 

About 80% of the community theater in my area is musical theater. So this is limiting. I've been going to shows on the regular the past few years, got my husband involved and he is suprisingly enjoying it tremendously - and every time I go, Brain™ whispers at me the whole time "don't you miss this? You miss this. You really need this... etc." But the idea of singing, solo, in an audition, is a surefire ticket to panic attack land. 

 

I've already taken two really scary steps for this. 

1) actually walk into a music school and inquire about voice lessons (not terrible, but I had to work myself up to it)

2) actually show up for an introductory voice lesson, which involved singing in front of a professional musician (aaaaaauuggghhhhhh!!!!) I did it, I didn't die or even have a full-blown anxiety attack, and she didn't stick her fingers in her ear or make faces or anything like that, she just suggested some breathing exercises. Holy wow that was about a hundred times harder than it should have been but I did it and I'm proud of myself.

 

In January I will start weekly voice lessons. 🤯🤯🤯🤯🤯🤯🤯🤯🤯🤯🤯🤯🤯🤯

 

Last month we saw Little Shop of Horrors put on by a brand-new-to-our-area troupe of major arts enthusiasts, and it was amazing. Then that same troupe did an end-of-year fundraiser banquet/ball, and the hubs and I went and had an astonishingly social time. I didn't even burn all my spoons doing the socially acceptable introvert thing, because even after all these years theater people are my people. This is my tribe and I've been in self-imposed exile a long long time. 

 

These are their plans for the upcoming season:

 

 

 

Full disclosure: Shrew is my 100% hands-down least favorite Shakespearean creation ever. Blech. Über-blech. 

But I know the guy who is directing this, and he truly believes he can present it in a way that minimizes the ICK factors and makes K and P into a properly matched pair of wits that are truly suited to each other. I can't imagine this, but I trust him. Certainly the banter scenes can be wonderful - it's just that final speech that is full on NOPE, and Director Phil is confident that this can be handled without going all Stepford Wives creepy with it. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ 

Aaaanddd - he is doing it in a steampunk circus setting.

So color me intrigued - I promised him I would read for the part of The Widow, and if they don't get enough male actors to try out I told him I am completely willing to play a male part. There's generally a disproportionate number of females that show up for comm theater auditions, which is a complicating factor for Shakespeare with its 90% or so male roles.

 

I'm lobbying for him to do As You Like It next year. I'm secretly hoping we can work our way up to the Scottish play eventually because reading for Lady M is in bucket-list territory  - but there has been an extreme dearth of Shakespeare in our very rural area, so Director Phil wants to 'ease' into it with the comedies  . 

 

In more terrifying news, I'm working up courage to try out for Ursula in Mermaid. I don't expect to get a role like that, but I have to at least audition to have a chance at any role, and I would be thrilled with a non-singing role - Flounder, Flotsam, Jetsam, one of the servants in the Prince's castle, whatever. Still have to be confident enough to get through the audition process, though. And even though the production won't be until the fall, they are casting it really early in the year because they plan to go over-the-top with costumes so they need to start fitting and design months in advance. Auditions perhaps as soon as February <breathes heavily into paper sack.> 

 

[Everstorm]

Loving the BigBad goals 😍   Good luck with your auditions!

[RES]

Pretty sure this is way above and beyond 20 SOC! BigBad goals are appropriately named!  

Love it!

 

[Elastigirl]

I love this challenge!

[Sovalis]

I think this is going to be great! Way to commit to putting yourself out there! Brave indeed!

[Pherales]

Definitely some Bravery going on here!  Good luck with your auditions!

[Rhovaniel]

Amazing goals! Here to follow and watch you redefine your comfort zone!  

[Gemma]

Halfway through zero week, and I've hit my first obstacle. I think I'm coming down with a cold. 🤒 My day has been punctuated by extensive sneezing fits. 

 

The good news is that my first voice lesson is not until next Tuesday, so I have recovery time.  I'm taking my practice exercises really easy because the last thing I need to do is strain my vocal folds right before I actually start classes! 

 

I've gotten to bed by nine every night this week except Sunday - and if "I was driving home from spending Christmas with my sons and grandminions" isn't a good excuse I don't know what is. 

 

I haven't worked out yet this week. I am struggling to get back on that bus. 

 

 

Vocal warm up be like 

 

 

 

[Everstorm]

Not you too!  People are dropping like flies this season, although I suppose it is to be expected after the holidays. Feel better soon 

[Sovalis]

Hope you feel better soon, Gemma! 

[KB Girl]

On 12/26/2022 at 4:27 PM, Gemma said:

 

I've already taken two really scary steps for this. 

This is all so cool and brave I just had to comment to applaud it  

[Happienumber]

On 12/26/2022 at 10:27 AM, Gemma said:

In January I will start weekly voice lessons. 🤯🤯🤯🤯🤯🤯🤯🤯🤯🤯🤯🤯🤯🤯

 

OMG CONGRATULATIONS!!

You did so may scary things to get that going. You're amazing.

 

On 12/26/2022 at 10:27 AM, Gemma said:

Aaaanddd - he is doing it in a steampunk circus setting.

So color me intrigued

 

Uhhhhh.....me too!?!! I'm actually fascinated to see how this plays out (pun intended??)

 

 

8 hours ago, Gemma said:

I'm taking my practice exercises really easy because the last thing I need to do is strain my vocal folds right before I actually start classes! 

 

Yeah for sure, take this easy.

[Artemis Prime]

Whoo, way to tackle big, bad goals! What kind of shooting are we talking about?

[Harriet]

Oooh! Theatre! But what kind of shooting and or competition is it (photography, guns, basketball, archery)?

[Scaly Freak]

On 12/26/2022 at 8:27 AM, Gemma said:

But I know the guy who is directing this, and he truly believes he can present it in a way that minimizes the ICK factors and makes K and P into a properly matched pair of wits that are truly suited to each other. I can't imagine this, but I trust him. Certainly the banter scenes can be wonderful - it's just that final speech that is full on NOPE, and Director Phil is confident that this can be handled without going all Stepford Wives creepy with it. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ 

 

Many, many, years ago I watched a production of this play that managed to turn that last speech into a beautiful piece of mutual understanding and respect between K and P.

 

He managed somehow to deliver the speech in a way that made it clear to the audience but not to the other characters on stage, that he was mocking this supposed ideal of a "perfect wife" and the husbands who claim to want it. She meanwhile was playing along with it, joining her husband in mocking the other married couples for being too blinded by what a wife and husband are "supposed" to be, to be able to appreciate each other for who they really are.  So instead of being creepy and icky, that scene became the sort of declaration of love that made perfect sense for those two characters, they way they had been portrayed through every scene leading up to this moment.

 

Why settle for telling your spouse you love them, when you can join them in demonstrating it to each other and the world by openly mocking couples who are not as fortunate in their marriage as you are, in a way that you two clearly understand and those other couples completely miss?  

[Heidi]

Here for the Bravery!

 

 

[Gemma]

On 12/29/2022 at 2:04 PM, Artemis Prime said:

Whoo, way to tackle big, bad goals! What kind of shooting are we talking about?

 

On 12/29/2022 at 2:57 PM, Harriet said:

Oooh! Theatre! But what kind of shooting and or competition is it (photography, guns, basketball, archery)?

 

My husband shoots long-range precision rifle matches, and I've become intrigued by the challenge so I am going to attempt it on a much smaller scale - small caliber rifles over shorter distances, but still requiring a level of skill and athleticism that I will need to work up to. 

 

On 12/29/2022 at 3:24 PM, Scaly Freak said:

 

Many, many, years ago I watched a production of this play that managed to turn that last speech into a beautiful piece of mutual understanding and respect between K and P.

 

He managed somehow to deliver the speech in a way that made it clear to the audience but not to the other characters on stage, that he was mocking this supposed ideal of a "perfect wife" and the husbands who claim to want it. She meanwhile was playing along with it, joining her husband in mocking the other married couples for being too blinded by what a wife and husband are "supposed" to be, to be able to appreciate each other for who they really are.  So instead of being creepy and icky, that scene became the sort of declaration of love that made perfect sense for those two characters, they way they had been portrayed through every scene leading up to this moment.

 

Why settle for telling your spouse you love them, when you can join them in demonstrating it to each other and the world by openly mocking couples who are not as fortunate in their marriage as you are, in a way that you two clearly understand and those other couples completely miss?  

 

That ... sounds fascinating, actually! I've never seen an interpretation like that, but now you've got me really hoping that something of that nature is what Director Phil is going for. I've always thought it was a pity that the Bard wasted such hilarious and witty dialogue on such a misogynistic pile of tripe, I am 100% down for seeing it redeemed! 

 

 

Well, the "cold" never really manifested, but the sore throat did. So I'm babying my voice a lot, trying not to speak, and hoping for the best.  

 

Getting to bed early has been not a problem - I've taken NyQuil and been down by 8:00 past two nights. I think all the extra sleep (and a few zinc supplements) might have the credit for this not turning into a full-blown cold. Probably some dumb luck in there too though. 

 

Still haven't worked out.  Inertia sucks. 

[Scaly Freak]

2 minutes ago, Gemma said:

That ... sounds fascinating, actually! I've never seen an interpretation like that, but now you've got me really hoping that something of that nature is what Director Phil is going for. I've always thought it was a pity that the Bard wasted such hilarious and witty dialogue on such a misogynistic pile of tripe, I am 100% down for seeing it redeemed! 

 

Now I'm very curious to see how your version of this play comes out!

 

I think the main reasons the version I saw worked, was for one that the two actors had great chemistry, but also that they set the tone for this from the very first time the characters interacted with each other. He never wanted her "tamed", he just wanted her to learn impulse control and that it may not be a good idea to constantly lose your temper at everything all the time. She also started out very immature and self-centered, and essentially "grew up" when she realized how her behavior was perceived and impacted those around her.

 

But I'm sure it wasn't easy, and for all I know they may well have creatively adjusted some of the dialogue to fit this particular director's vision as well.  

[Gemma]

I'm becoming excited about the potential!

 

Happy 2023, my nerdfriends! 

 

Yesterday was super chill. My church always does a break the week between Christmas and New Years, no in-person service, just a recorded message from the pastor, so ... church in jammies! Hubs made omelets and we laid around and vegged for a while. Went to the range in the afternoon, shot well and had fun, then came home and made lasagna. 

 

Still getting to bed on time. It helps that I set 'downtime' on my laptop and phone, most of my time-waster-brain-suck apps (including browsers) shut off at ten after 8 and stay shut off until 5 a.m. I can bypass it, of course, but I generally don't. I can take a hint. Sometimes. 

 

Today hubs is working but I'm not, so I'm putzing around catching up on some little projects I've put off - putting photographs (all taken 16 or more years ago!) into albums, one for each son, deep conditioning my hair. 

 

I'm not making these official "challenge" goals, but I did decide that Jan 1 was as good a day as any to pick up my dropped meditation and scripture reading goals. so did both of those both yesterday and today. And I just finished an LI workout. 

 

Riddle me this, Batnerds - what is it about the human brain that can make it so bloody hard to start something back up, despite knowing full well that it feels great?!?! Seriously, Brain™ has come up with every excuse in the history of excuses to not get up and work out every day for, like, weeks, despite my current workouts being a) not long, b) not terribly difficult, and c) really, really, really satisfying to complete?

 

 

 

Tomorrow - voice lessons begin! 

 

[Everstorm]

2 minutes ago, Gemma said:

Riddle me this, Batnerds - what is it about the human brain that can make it so bloody hard to start something back up, despite knowing full well that it feels great?!

Inertia, I guess?  (An object at rest stays at rest, etc.)  I know the feeling.  So many times I have thought, What, exactly, was my problem with this again?  Like when I lived in Florida and had to rise before dawn for a run in order not to -- you know -- fry, I had to sleep in my running gear.  Because running was fine, but getting dressed at 5am was too much of an obstacle 🤷‍♀️. Brains are weird.  I guess this is why good habits are awesome. 

[Harriet]

1 hour ago, Gemma said:

Riddle me this, Batnerds - what is it about the human brain that can make it so bloody hard to start something back up, despite knowing full well that it feels great?!?! Seriously, Brain™ has come up with every excuse in the history of excuses to not get up and work out every day for, like, weeks, despite my current workouts being a) not long, b) not terribly difficult, and c) really, really, really satisfying to complete?

 

Heavy temporal discounting plus an overvaluation of energy conservation for evolutionary reasons? Or possibly an abundance of low effort supernormal rewards in our environment that downregulate our reward circuits, making ordinary work/reward ratios underpowered when it comes to overruling the default inhibition of action?

[Scaly Freak]

2 hours ago, Gemma said:

Riddle me this, Batnerds - what is it about the human brain that can make it so bloody hard to start something back up, despite knowing full well that it feels great?!?! Seriously, Brain™ has come up with every excuse in the history of excuses to not get up and work out every day for, like, weeks, despite my current workouts being a) not long, b) not terribly difficult, and c) really, really, really satisfying to complete?

 

In my case, that is the Procrastination Demon. That long list of excuses is one of her favorite attacks.

[RES]

6 hours ago, Gemma said:

Riddle me this, Batnerds - what is it about the human brain that can make it so bloody hard to start something back up, despite knowing full well that it feels great?!?!

If I knew the absolute answer I would not have gained 40lbs during Covid. 

 

6 hours ago, Everstorm said:

Inertia, I guess?  (An object at rest stays at rest, etc.)  I know the feeling.  So many times I have thought, What, exactly, was my problem with this again?  Like when I lived in Florida and had to rise before dawn for a run in order not to -- you know -- fry, I had to sleep in my running gear.  Because running was fine, but getting dressed at 5am was too much of an obstacle 🤷‍♀️. Brains are weird.  I guess this is why good habits are awesome. 

+

5 hours ago, Harriet said:

 

Heavy temporal discounting plus an overvaluation of energy conservation for evolutionary reasons? Or possibly an abundance of low effort supernormal rewards in our environment that downregulate our reward circuits, making ordinary work/reward ratios underpowered when it comes to overruling the default inhibition of action?

+

4 hours ago, Scaly Freak said:

 

In my case, that is the Procrastination Demon. That long list of excuses is one of her favorite attacks.

Yes, these are correct 

[Alanna]

Happy New Year! You have some really exciting creative goals for 2023 - look forward to watching those progress :). Hope your throat feels better soon so you can return to singing! 

 

I will also be interested to hear how you like Literal Immortality and if it helps with/is compatible with hypermobility issues. 

[Kishi]

On 1/2/2023 at 11:40 AM, Gemma said:

Riddle me this, Batnerds - what is it about the human brain that can make it so bloody hard to start something back up, despite knowing full well that it feels great?!?!

 

I think @Everstorm and @Harriet got it right. I'm not prone to making grand, sweeping statements about human nature, but I do suspect that as a species we're pretty prone to expedience. How we experience expedience varies from person to person, and I'm pretty sure there are exceptions to this. But if it's true, it goes a long way to explaining why starting new things is hard, and why training has to be made psychologically easy in order for it to do us any long term good.