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Sovalis: The Candles are for Burning


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Thanks, Friends! 

 

Today is my first day back at the shop and it's been a busy one. My morning got off on a late foot, but I recovered well and made it to work on time. I did not manage breakfast, which means an empty square in my otherwise filled in planner. But that's okay. I got to the shop, walked to the bank to do my deposit, went to the post office and the pharmacy, then came back and shovelled the front. We had gotten ~9" of snow while I was away and it had gotten compacted by foot traffic and the snow clearing buggy driving over it. Thankfully I never took my ice chipper home from previous, so I had the tools I needed to get it sorted out. My hands are feeling it and I'm having some numbness/tingling, but it could be worse. 

 

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Miracle of miracles, Ken finally, actually, said he would look into the snow removal issue. Today. Three months into me saying there's a problem. Hopefully he figures something out. 

 

I'm at 3,550 steps so far today and I haven't gotten on the treadmill yet. So today will be over 6,000 steps for sure. I like that. It feels good to see those kind of numbers. 

 

I got my adulting done this morning by moving some garbage to the new bins and picking up my refills from the pharmacy. I need to clock some time on this map if I can get my hand to cooperate. I'd like to have it done by Sunday, I think. For Fun, I think I might try playing Luigi's Mansion 3, which Joy sent me as part of a Christmas gift that arrived this morning. I've also already played with the new Octopus Tarot she gifted me, which is amazing. 

 

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I love the black and white sketchy quality to the line work and the pops of holographic foil. So fun. 

 

I think that's it for right now. All the love! 🥰

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5 hours ago, Sovalis said:

I've also already played with the new Octopus Tarot she gifted me, which is amazing. 

 

/cdn-cgi/mirage/dc3e4b2824672aab4ea7a7676ab602051b68e77e304e001fb5471f737a019c43/1280/cdn-cgi/mirage/dc3e4b2824672aab4ea7a7676ab602051b68e77e304e001fb5471f737a019c43/1280/https://rebellion.nerdfitness.com/uploads/monthly_2023_01/20230103_124154.thumb.jpg.80f472d62a302fceacef61372487d522.jpg

 

I love the black and white sketchy quality to the line work and the pops of holographic foil. So fun. 

 

I think that's it for right now. All the love! 🥰

Oh my gosh, I know that set! I almost got it for myself when I found it because of the black + shiny quality, and especially because of octopi, but I chose not to get the deck in the end. They are super cute. I'm happy to see you like them, too! 😃

 

Hope the ice clearing gets resolved because you shouldn't have to be doing that. 😥

 

And looking forward to your next map update! 😉

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Hi Friends,

 

I'm in a really thoughtful headspace and wanted to note it here. I walked just over 8,000 steps today between errands, shovelling, and my treadmill time. I was at 4,800 when I got on the treadmill and I set it for my 30 minutes. It was *such* a grind. Thankfully Dave video called me ten minutes in and kept me company until the end or honestly I might have tapped out when I hit 5,600 instead of doing my full 30 minutes. My legs were tired and I was aware of my knees and feet. They weren't painful, but they were fatigued. 

 

I felt fat. Like, deep in my fibres. I am a big human, I know this. I'm 5'10 and ~300 lbs, so by no means dainty. But despite my size, I don't often feel held back by it. But tonight made me realize that's probably because I'm not trying to do as many things out of my comfort zone. I used to walk 10k a day and powerlift 3-4 times a week. At my peak I nailed a 250 lb deadlift and a 300 lb squat, weighting 240 lbs. I wasn't small then, either, but I could go and do anything I wanted to. I miss that.  

 

I'm a weird combination of grieving and fortified. I don't want this feeling of sadness and limitation, so I need to keep moving. 

 

Thanks for listening. 💜

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Woot for walking even when you didn't feel like it. You did the work to get strong before, you know how to do it again,  and we will cheer you on!

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Wisdom 22.5   Dexterity 13   Charisma 15   Strength 21  Constitution-13

"Love the Lord your God with all your heart, and with all your soul, and with all your strength, and with all your mind' Luke 10; 27

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7 hours ago, Sovalis said:

I used to walk 10k a day and powerlift 3-4 times a week. At my peak I nailed a 250 lb deadlift and a 300 lb squat, weighting 240 lbs. I wasn't small then, either, but I could go and do anything I wanted to. I miss that.  

I recognize those feels.  Sometimes it's hard to say if I am not there any more because of age or lack of trying (or both), but I know I want to at least try to find out if I can still do the cool stuff.  Is there someway you could symbolically encapsulate this feeling to use for motivation when you don't want to take the steps you need to get back there?  An image or a quote?

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8 hours ago, Sovalis said:

But despite my size, I don't often feel held back by it. But tonight made me realize that's probably because I'm not trying to do as many things out of my comfort zone.

😔 That's very much where I'm at, too, in my life. Super proud of you for pushing through a barrier to find the revelation. The last time I got to that head space was when I did a mud run a couple years back.

 

8 hours ago, Sovalis said:

I used to walk 10k a day and powerlift 3-4 times a week. At my peak I nailed a 250 lb deadlift and a 300 lb squat, weighting 240 lbs. I wasn't small then, either, but I could go and do anything I wanted to. I miss that.  

Man, I never saw myself as small, but it turns out I was healthy once. 😅

 

8 hours ago, Sovalis said:

I'm a weird combination of grieving and fortified. I don't want this feeling of sadness and limitation, so I need to keep moving. 

 

Thanks for listening. 💜

I believe in you! Thanks for sharing! ❤

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Thank you for sharing so many beautiful and joyful things happening in your life!

 

It makes me happy to see that you have excellent friends who spend time with you and do thoughtful things. The stained glass is amazing. 

 

I am proud of you for cooking healthy food and walking, even when you are tired. You are on the path to reach your goals.

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12 hours ago, Sovalis said:

I'm a weird combination of grieving and fortified. I don't want this feeling of sadness and limitation, so I need to keep moving.

 

I wish that very much for you, to get your old strength and ability back. And I understand the grieving.

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Let cheese and oxen and mead crowd out our secret desires for power and domination - Harriet the Viking

Just be bold, fluid and unapologetic, not small, hairy and indecisive - Harriet the Artist

You can absorb me! - Harriet the Contextless Guru

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15 hours ago, Sovalis said:

I'm a weird combination of grieving and fortified. I don't want this feeling of sadness and limitation, so I need to keep moving. 

 

I don't want to hijack your thread and make it about me and my problems... so I won't. :P I will say, though, that I get this. I think you're on the right track, and you sound like you've got some wisdom on the road from where you were to where you are.

 

Good news is, "the road goes ever on." Sadness and limitation are valid places to be, but they don't have to be the end if you aren't cool with them. So, one step at a time, one day at a time. Onward.

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12 hours ago, Everstorm said:

I recognize those feels.  Sometimes it's hard to say if I am not there any more because of age or lack of trying (or both), but I know I want to at least try to find out if I can still do the cool stuff.  Is there someway you could symbolically encapsulate this feeling to use for motivation when you don't want to take the steps you need to get back there?  An image or a quote?

Thanks for suggesting that, Ever. I dug out my Lei and draped it over my treadmill to remind myself of better days when I used to work out with friends in their basement before they moved to Scotland. They once decorated the treadmill to surprise me and it makes me smile. That was in my "peak" time, so it's good to go back there to where it was fun and happening all the time. 

 

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20 hours ago, Elastigirl said:

Woot for walking even when you didn't feel like it. You did the work to get strong before, you know how to do it again,  and we will cheer you on!

Thank you, Elastigirl. 💜

 

11 hours ago, MaeradCase said:

😔 That's very much where I'm at, too, in my life. Super proud of you for pushing through a barrier to find the revelation. The last time I got to that head space was when I did a mud run a couple years back.

 

Man, I never saw myself as small, but it turns out I was healthy once. 😅

 

I believe in you! Thanks for sharing! ❤

Thanks, Maerad. 💜💜

 

11 hours ago, Tanktimus the Encourager said:

Those are some real feels, for sure. I"m there now myself. 

Solidarity, Tank. We will make progress!

 

8 hours ago, Mistr said:

Thank you for sharing so many beautiful and joyful things happening in your life!

 

It makes me happy to see that you have excellent friends who spend time with you and do thoughtful things. The stained glass is amazing. 

 

I am proud of you for cooking healthy food and walking, even when you are tired. You are on the path to reach your goals.

Thanks, Mistr. I am on the path. 💙 I'm glad you enjoy the sharing. I like sharing. 

 

8 hours ago, Harriet said:

 

I wish that very much for you, to get your old strength and ability back. And I understand the grieving.

Thanks, Harriet. 💙 I wish that, too. The grief is so strange but feels evergreen. 

 

4 hours ago, Kishi said:

 

I don't want to hijack your thread and make it about me and my problems... so I won't. :P I will say, though, that I get this. I think you're on the right track, and you sound like you've got some wisdom on the road from where you were to where you are.

 

Good news is, "the road goes ever on." Sadness and limitation are valid places to be, but they don't have to be the end if you aren't cool with them. So, one step at a time, one day at a time. Onward.

Thanks, Kishi. Onward, indeed. 💜

 

Hi Friends,

 

Today has been a really rough day mentally. I had some symptoms that are usually reserved for poorly medicated me: my hands felt disassociated, I felt like I had bugs on me for hours, I was close to tears for a huge part of the day with no discernible trigger... It was bad. Probably the worst day I've had for that kind of thing in two or three years. I've been taking my meds perfectly and haven't had any alcohol since my birthday a few weeks ago. No recreational drugs at all because that's not my jam. The only thing I can think of is that I haven't slept the best the last two nights, but *that* has never caused this kind of thing before. Weird and unsettling. I called Nicole and had her come to the shop because I didn't feel good about being alone. She came, which was wonderful. I feel very supported. I'm at her house for supper now. Then I will go home, treadmill, and go to bed. Hopefully there's better sleep tonight and today's weirdness is limited to today. 

 

Hope you're all doing well today. Thanks for being here. 💜

 

 

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Hey Sov. 

 

I feel the last posts a lot. I also grieve for past me i suppose, thin me? Its not a healthy mindset for me...but its there. Fit and healthy me :( i felt fat then. I felt bigger than my peers, i felt disgusting. But looking back at photos I was slim (!) its crazy....

 

Anyway. Sending you love, Sov. 

 

Hoping that you are resting and the nasty feelings arent there when you wake ❤️ xx

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Yikes, that sounds rough. Get some rest and I hope tomorrow will be better, as it often is.

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Let cheese and oxen and mead crowd out our secret desires for power and domination - Harriet the Viking

Just be bold, fluid and unapologetic, not small, hairy and indecisive - Harriet the Artist

You can absorb me! - Harriet the Contextless Guru

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15 hours ago, Salinger said:

Hey Sov. 

 

I feel the last posts a lot. I also grieve for past me i suppose, thin me? Its not a healthy mindset for me...but its there. Fit and healthy me :( i felt fat then. I felt bigger than my peers, i felt disgusting. But looking back at photos I was slim (!) its crazy....

 

Anyway. Sending you love, Sov. 

 

Hoping that you are resting and the nasty feelings arent there when you wake ❤️ xx

It's tough, hey, Sal? I read an article once about a study that suggested people with anorexia literally perceive themselves as physically larger than they are. They measured this by having people walk through various sized door frames and started nothing at what point people started turning their bodies to navigate the narrow spaces better. Those with anorexia turned sooner than those without eating disorders, indicating that something was different with their spatial perception. It makes me wonder if my perception is off somehow. I don't feel as big as I am. Like I catch a glimpse in the mirror and am always kind of stunned because it doesn't match how I am in my head. Brains are funny. I relate to your comment that you felt big then, but then you see the pictures and it's incongruous to how you remember feeling. Been there. Hugs for you. 💜

 

17 hours ago, Elastigirl said:

Sorry today was so rough. Hoping tomorrow is better.

Thank you. 💙

 

8 hours ago, Harriet said:

Yikes, that sounds rough. Get some rest and I hope tomorrow will be better, as it often is.

Today is better, thank you, Harriet. 💜

 

Hi Friends,

 

Today all is well and I'm grateful for it. I slept pretty well last night, had a video call with my bestie this morning, and made it to the shop without incident. Sax and I played in the yard for a bit before departure and I know he's grateful for the return to that part of our routine. I'm doing my journalling and touching base here and then I brought that map to work on. I'm going to put my timer on for an hour and see how far I can get. Hopefully it turns into a long work session. 

 

I got ~3800 steps yesterday but did not push myself onto the treadmill last night. I will make the effort tonight. I probably could have yesterday if I'm being honest with myself, but I opted to cuddle in bed and scroll my phone instead. And that's okay as long as it's the exception. 

 

Off to read the forums! Thanks for being here! ❤️

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I'm really sorry things are rough. Lack of sleep 10000% plays a part though. It stops you being able to deal with things, especially on an emotional level, anywhere near as effectively. 

 

59 minutes ago, Sovalis said:

 

I got ~3800 steps yesterday but did not push myself onto the treadmill last night. I will make the effort tonight. I probably could have yesterday if I'm being honest with myself, but I opted to cuddle in bed and scroll my phone instead. And that's okay as long as it's the exception. 

Yesterday it sounds like you very much needed rest. Be kind to yourself. As you say, that's okay. If life is a marathon, then days like that, you gotta remember to pause at the aid/water station for a moment or three. 

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The Chronicles of Rhovaniel, Dúnedain Ranger:  Volume One: Wintering

 

Winter Goals: Read by candlelight 10 times (5/10), Read The Ranger's Apprentice, Book 1 and Book 2, Re-read The Fellowship of the Ring (in progress), The Two Towers and The Return of the King, Watch all 3 Hobbit films (1/3), Watch all 3 LOTR films (1/3), See doc about leg pain (in progress), see doc about sinuses, Be able to run 1 mile without pain, finish knitting cardigan, repair jeans, plan and sew one project to completion, Finish Masters chapter 2, Read stock book, Plan Spring/Summer Adventures 2023, Start writing again, Reach at least 77kg by March 20.

 

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Previous Challenges: 1|2|3|4|5|6|7|8|9|10|11|12|13 1415|16|17|18|19|20|21|22|23|24|25|26|2728 29|30

 

 

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4 hours ago, Salinger said:

Hey Sov, how are you today? xx

Hi Sal! I'm pretty great today! I hope you're feeling a bit better? ❤️

 

Hi Friends! 

 

I got the trees done on the map yesterday which was excellent.

 

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And I got my walk in last night, although it took a bit longer because I was at a slightly slower speed (2.8).  But I got it done and then rewarded myself with watching the last hour of e41 of Critical Role. What an episode! 

 

I have had a very nice morning so far. Got up, had one coffee, got on the treadmill, did 30 minutes (2.9), had second coffee, played with Sax, came to work. I'm at ~4500/5600 steps for the day and it's noon, so feeling pretty pleased with myself. I didn't want to have to rush home and walk and then be sweaty for running game tonight. 

 

My goals for today are to get the plains done on the map and then do some game prep for tonight. We haven't played since mid-December. Thankfully Chantale takes great notes because mine are awful. 😅 Should be a combat with an Evoker wizard tonight, so good times. Bogdan is going to find an evil spellbook and be further tempted into dark wizardry. Enna, our drunken mastery style monk, is finally back on the regular as Nicole, the player, has recovered enough from her spine surgery to rejoin us at the table. So the gang is all here! 🥳🎉

 

I'm feeling pretty great today. I hope the whole day retains this vibe. 

 

I'm glad you're all here. Thanks for being so amazingly supportive. 🩵

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