[Rookie]

You are Bronze are sooo lovely together. Those rainy clouds! 😮

[Sovalis]

That sky was so dramatic, wow! I'm so proud of you for getting some air. I'm glad Bronze loved it. Don't stress so hard if you don't get out with Bronze every day, she will be okay. It's not ideal, but Sax sometimes goes weeks without playing outside or walks if we are having bad weather like we were in late November early December. He prefers to play, for sure, but he's okay if it doesn't happen. Bronze will be too. 

 

That said, it is good for both of you. 😉 Proud of you for braving the weather! I hope you get some things done today and get some rest tonight. 💜

[Salinger]

17 hours ago, Rookie said:

You are Bronze are sooo lovely together. Those rainy clouds! 😮

 

Thanks Rookie ❤️

 

16 hours ago, Sovalis said:

That sky was so dramatic, wow! I'm so proud of you for getting some air. I'm glad Bronze loved it. Don't stress so hard if you don't get out with Bronze every day, she will be okay. It's not ideal, but Sax sometimes goes weeks without playing outside or walks if we are having bad weather like we were in late November early December. He prefers to play, for sure, but he's okay if it doesn't happen. Bronze will be too. 

 

That said, it is good for both of you. 😉 Proud of you for braving the weather! I hope you get some things done today and get some rest tonight. 💜

 

Thanks that means a lot and HELPS a lot too Sov!!!! xx

[Salinger]

Hey all. 1pm almost. Very cold and VERY windy today. 

 

I was up at 4.45am, working on a website job i stupidly took on...till about 10.30am. I then crashed and slept till midday  now i feel bad/guilty 

 

The post came, and I have had a letter saying part of my mental health support is stopping  I HATE THEM. 

 

Basically, because i can wash myself, feed myself, and go to the toilet unaided, then they dont want to give me any support. Bastards. Idiots. Horrid. 

 

Im a teeny bit panicky about losing a chunk of my monthly financial support

 

A lot panicky but hey ho. It could also have a knock on effect for the other support i get which i am truly PETRIFIED about. 

 

Trying not to focus on that just yet.  Or my mental health will implode. 

 

Stupidly, I didnt think, i was hungry and need to go to the shop, but didnt and instead ordered Maccies. So now im doubly guilty!!!!!!!

 

*sigh*

 

Shite day so far guys, sorry xx

 

 

[Salinger]

Hey. 3pm

 

Its so fucking LOUD here as next door still having work done (new driveway paved) 

 

My car is filthy too.... but there are cement mixers (which blocked my car in btw) and they are cutting stone so its so loud, my head is hurting

 

I feel lethargic and sickly. Prob due to the fucking maccies. 

 

UGH i hate myself. 

 

I have done alot of work though so far this afternoon... i guess thats one good thing x

[Harriet]

3 hours ago, Salinger said:

The post came, and I have had a letter saying part of my mental health support is stopping  I HATE THEM. 

 

 

Basically, because i can wash myself, feed myself, and go to the toilet unaided, then they dont want to give me any support. Bastards. Idiots. Horrid. 

 

Im a teeny bit panicky about losing a chunk of my monthly financial support

 

Oh shit, I'm so sorry.

 

3 hours ago, Salinger said:

Stupidly, I didnt think, i was hungry and need to go to the shop, but didnt and instead ordered Maccies. So now im doubly guilty!!!!!!!

 

Don't worry about that. No guilt.  Just go back to the foods that make you feel better as soon as you can.

 

1 hour ago, Salinger said:

UGH i hate myself.

But why? It looks to me like you're dealing with a major stress that's coming from outside and is not your fault at all. Self hating may be easy and familiar but I don't think it will replenish your strength so you can cope with the new challenges.

[Salinger]

13 minutes ago, Harriet said:

 

Oh shit, I'm so sorry.

 

 

Don't worry about that. No guilt.  Just go back to the foods that make you feel better as soon as you can.

 

But why? It looks to me like you're dealing with a major stress that's coming from outside and is not your fault at all. Self hating may be easy and familiar but I don't think it will replenish your strength so you can cope with the new challenges.

 

Hey Harriet. 

 

Still feeling quite shitty from the fast food.

 

Just about to pop to the store as we dont have much food in *sigh* will aim to get fresh, wholesome foods. 

 

Yes you are right - is it easy and familiar...thank you for reminding me that it doesnt help to self hate. ❤️

 

 

_______________

 

 

4.30pm. Roxy has come home early, as was sick at work. Shes running a bath right now, then will go for lie down. Ive just about finished my curator notes for the catalogue i think. Will send to my editor and do any changes. The add to the catalogue designs. 

 

Hoping I can send it to be printed, next Tuesday. 

 

Will aim to claw back the eve, and feel a little better. Its been a tough old week for me, mentally. *sigh* 

 

Hoping i feel better this evening and then tmoro too....

 

x

[Maggie-Miau]

Love you, Sal! ❤️ 

[Sovalis]

What an epically crappy day. I'm so sorry. I'm on Team Harriet - hating yourself isn't helpful to recovery or progress. Go gently, darling. 

 

Thinking of you. 🩵

[Salinger]

6 hours ago, Maggie-Miau said:

Love you, Sal! ❤️ 

 
love you too Mia xx

 

 

4 hours ago, Sovalis said:

What an epically crappy day. I'm so sorry. I'm on Team Harriet - hating yourself isn't helpful to recovery or progress. Go gently, darling. 

 

Thinking of you. 🩵

thanks Sov, yes Harriet is so wise  

 

xx

[Salinger]

Hey all 

 

last night improved a little. I went to the shops and stocked up on good stuff. Then came home and listened to music with Roxy and made a gorgeous halloumi salad.

 

watched the football, went to bed.

 

Jackson was hanging out on the bed with us and I started sobbing 🙄

 

I feel so bad that he never comes downstairs anymore, and I worry he thinks he has done something wrong and that I don’t love him as much anymore.

 

I absolutely adore him so much but we see him a lot less due to bronze and the fact jackson doesn’t want to be downstairs around her.

 

roxy reassured me and jacks was purring and licking my hand when I stroked him….

 

on Sunday we are going to clean our bedroom, sort the mass of clothes etc

 

and make it a nicer place to BE (like I did to the spare room!) 

 

it’s a tip and neither of us want to be in there tbh - I envisage it being nice enough to spend time in there, working from my bed sometimes (luxury) or just watching tv in there / having an hour with Jackson etc

 

anyway it’s 2:30am

 

i can’t sleep, it’s so so so windy and wet outside and it’s keeping me up. Instead of going downstairs to do work, I made a cup of tea and came to the spare room!!!! Im

sat up in bed and Jackson is purring at my feet 😍

 

I’ve even brought a couple of books in to start and get my 5 pages in !

 

trying hard to self care/not stress about not sleeping etc

 

later today, FRIDAY!! I have a lot to do including catalogue pages, finish curator notes, go to a framing shop for a quote on framing some art for the exhibition, walk Bronze, sort out toolkit designs in photoshop, and keep on top of emails (!)

 

as well as the usual; take meds, clean kitchen, cook something lovely, drink more water etc

 

hoping I feel better than yesterday, and just allow myself to feel emotions and not get overwhelmed by them!!!! X

[Sovalis]

Hi Sal, just checking in. Have you eaten and taken your meds today? ❤️

[Salinger]

Just now, Sovalis said:

Hi Sal, just checking in. Have you eaten and taken your meds today? ❤️

 

Yes, and Yes!

 

Meds taken and pill box refilled. 

 

Food... muesli for brekki, chicken salad butty for lunch, cheese on toast for dinner. (not that hungry and Rox made some for us)

 

Feel ok.... just listening to vinyls. 

 

Also...... i have opened a beer  ah well....i just fancied a couple. Trying not to berate myself ❤️ xx

[Sovalis]

No need to berate yourself, but don't go overboard, you've been away from it a while. And pay attention to what it does for your mood tonight and the next few days, that's something you wanted to know. I sound like a nag. But I mean well.

[Rhovaniel]

Hey sal. Seconding the other voices of wisdom. Be gentle with yourself. Hate will get you nowhere. But also yes, be cautious with the beer. Especially if it is likely to lead to increased self-loathing later.

[TrashcanCarla]

2 hours ago, Salinger said:

Feel ok.... just listening to vinyls. 

 

Also...... i have opened a beer  ah well....i just fancied a couple. Trying not to berate myself ❤️ xx

 

Hello, I just slid into your thread again and see that I missed all of the bad day stuff. Sorry to not be part of team "don't beat yourself up" to cheer you on in a timely fashion, but I'm here now!

I agree with everyone - don't be too hard on yourself.

My husband slipped off of the dry January stuff a bit, but the month has turned into "exceptionally reduced-alcohol" January and that's pretty great. Progress is progress. I say that as an all-or-nothing mindset person in recovery from said mindset. I'm trying to remember through reminding others that there's no such thing as perfect.

Okay. Ramble over.

[Yasha92]

11 hours ago, TrashcanCarla said:

 

Hello, I just slid into your thread again and see that I missed all of the bad day stuff. Sorry to not be part of team "don't beat yourself up" to cheer you on in a timely fashion, but I'm here now!

I agree with everyone - don't be too hard on yourself.

My husband slipped off of the dry January stuff a bit, but the month has turned into "exceptionally reduced-alcohol" January and that's pretty great. Progress is progress. I say that as an all-or-nothing mindset person in recovery from said mindset. I'm trying to remember through reminding others that there's no such thing as perfect.

Okay. Ramble over.

Agreed - just coz the washing on the line gets a little damp, doesn't mean it can't still get dry

 

Hope you are feeling better and not being too harsh on yourself! The halloumi salad sounds yum- I had halloumi and pineapple on bread for lunch (the veggo option for a sausage sizzle lol).

 

Sorry I haven't been on your thread the last few days- have had some early nights and my phone is being a butt about letting me see threads.

[Yasha92]

Not like you to miss 24hrs without an update - hope you are doing OK.

 

No matter what: alcohol, drugs, missed deadlines, stupid funding issues - you can always come back and get support here, we're on your team. Sending my love from afar! ❤️ 

[Salinger]

5 hours ago, Yasha92 said:

Not like you to miss 24hrs without an update - hope you are doing OK.

 

No matter what: alcohol, drugs, missed deadlines, stupid funding issues - you can always come back and get support here, we're on your team. Sending my love from afar! ❤️ 

 

Hey Yasha, thanks - im so lucky to have you all here, thanks everyone else ⬆️  there, for the kind words. 

 

Of course, Friday night i drank way too much, took drugs, stayed up till 5am. 

 

Saturday was up at 11am, and me and Rox went to our friends salon. Very relaxed space, all women business owners (called Coven Beauty) Roxy got v anxious and didnt get her hair done . Our friend said she will come round next week to do it for her here, more chilled. 

 

I had my grey put in again, a little lighter. Looks good. 

 

After that, dropped Rox off at her friends, came home, watched football. Felt sad. Picked Rox up around 9pm, we got home, had pizza and watched an art show on TV. 

 

Today, been nice, I took Bronze out around midday (shes fast asleep now, finally) 

 

Then Rox did a lot of cleaning in our bedroom (disgrace in there, and loads loads better now ❤️ very appreciative. Ive put the washed bedding out to dry, smells so nice. I also cleaned the kitchen, did recycling and bins, swept up. Ill mop the floor soon. 

Going to make a chicken roast soon. With roast potatoes and veggies. YUM. 

 

Need to do a work diary for the upcoming week. Busy busy one. A little teeny bit stressed but trying not to panic too much. 

 

Thanks for checking in Yasha. ❤️

 

I am ok.... a little tired/overwhelmed but trying hard to calm myself and self care. xx

[WolfDreamer]

2 hours ago, Salinger said:

With roast potatoes and veggies. YUM. 

 

 

That does sound yummy!

 

[TrashcanCarla]

Sending you calming energy, Sal! I'm glad that your Sunday was a good one.

[Salinger]

10 hours ago, WolfDreamer said:

 

 

That does sound yummy!

 

 

They were Very tasty  x

 

3 hours ago, TrashcanCarla said:

Sending you calming energy, Sal! I'm glad that your Sunday was a good one.

 

Thanks TC ❤️ xx

[Salinger]

Hey all. 6am here, absolutely cold brrrr its going cold again this week, freezing temps. Not a fan. haha

 

Slept pretty well last night, woke around 5.15. Wish id slept more but hey ho. 

 

Lots to do today.... this is going to be a big list. 

 

- Take medication

- Fill car with crap and go to the tip

- Sort crate out and move to living room for vinyls

- Sweep and mop kitchen floor

- Put painting up in bedroom

- Sort out clothes/put away clean clothes

- Put laundry on

- Pay FedEx invoice

- Speak to printers about toolkit printing costs

- Take drawings to the framers

- Email AV technician about equipment

- Zoom meeting with marketing guy at 1.30pm

- Walk Bronze

- Call council about payments

- Work on final catalogue pages

- Work on toolkit pages

- Make dinner (chicken salad?)

- RELAX/watch a film/read

 

If i dont get everything done, thats ok, but its good for me to have stuff written down here to aim for!

 

Id love to be able to nap at some point also but that may not happen due to time !!!

 

Was meant to find out about a small grant on Friday but had no email so likely i didnt get it (im unsure i was even eligible tbh) bit annoying, as would have come in handy  

 

xx

 

 

 

 

[Yasha92]

Heyhey good to see you! Clean sheets are soooooo nice (but changing them is such an Olympic sport with our bed ugh).

 

Hope your list is chugging along, and that it’s giving you peace ❤️

[Harriet]

18 hours ago, Salinger said:

Of course, Friday night i drank way too much, took drugs, stayed up till 5am.

 

Are you planning to continue with dry Jan, or are you finished with it?

 

5 hours ago, Salinger said:

If i dont get everything done, thats ok, but its good for me to have stuff written down here to aim for!

Excellent, excellent.

I hope your Monday is coming along reasonably ❤️