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[Yasha] Taking care of Tamagotchi Taash


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Monday and while I am ok I feel a little like I'm teetering on the edge of maybe-not-so-ok. Potentially nerves about a big shrink assessment I have on Friday. I worked from home so I didn't have to spend spoons on office smalltalk or doing my hair or having a shower. I ate 'office lunch' (reheated pasta and pesto) rather than cooking something from scratch and basically tried to put minimum pressure on myself. Laid down for a bit to recharge after work and felt guilty, so got up and started the roomba and went back and laid down with the "but I'm vacuuming!" reassurance. Still working on being fine with just resting, but at least now I have a couple tricks/tools to hush the brain gremlins in the meantime. Not much going on otherwise, a little bit of work apathy, but that's a usual Monday situation, was able to stick to my boundaries and start, finish, and lunch on time, didn't volunteer to organise the team social activity even though there was a long awkward silence after the boss asked for a volunteer. Just brushed my teeth and have cleaned the kitchen to almost-done (big stockpots were beyond my energy tonight). Heading to bed on time and ready to sleep.
 

Week 4, Sunday~

⏹️⏹️⏹️⏹️⏹️ - Teethies

⏹️⏹️⏹️⏹️⏹️- Walkies

⏹️⏹️⏹️⏹️⏹️- Freggies

⏹️⏹️⏹️⏹️⏹️ - Sleepies

⏹️⏹️⏹️⏹️⏹️- Cleanies

⏹️⏹️⏹️⏹️⏹️- Boundaries

⏹️ - Finance Friday (it's Sunday)

⏹️ - Shitty task

⏹️ - Communication.

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23 hours ago, Salinger said:

Lots of love yasha. 
 

I understand that feeling of teetering on the edge. Can you do some self care? A shower? Reading? Good film or music?

 

even a nap is good. Sleep cures all! Hahha 

 

xx


I stayed up a bit late after posting that but did end up choofing off to bed. Re-reading (listening) to Legends and Lattes as a cozy treat and cancelling things that don’t spark joy all over the place.

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Tuesday, more ok than I was yesterday but still fragile. Took some things off my plate to ease the pressure (didn’t go to the shops for non-urgent storage containers, skipped an evening zoom which was self improvement and I’m sure would have been good but I was tired and 15min late when I remembered it). Work is fine, new boss is fine… but it’s just ‘fine’ it’s not filling my cup. Had a bit of a chat with Mx and they think maybe I was more fulfilled when I was supervising direct reports and/or that I need more external validation than I’ve been getting in this role, that I am used to being a high achiever and getting awards and stuff so just “plodding” is grinding me down. We also went way over on the USA trip budget so money is stressing me a bit. The shitty task I did last week was applying for some other jobs and I have an interview for one of them next week or the week after- of course now I am stressing that maybe I don’t want that one either??? I blame the brain gremlins and will do the interview to the best of my ability. It’s not a massive pay increase, but I wouldn’t lose any benefits and it has “manager” in the title, which is what they said I needed when they knocked me back for my Boss’ role. Plus it would be new and shiny and interesting for at least a year while I figure out how all the puzzle pieces go together. Eh, a decision for if I get an offer after interviewing- nothing is guaranteed (lol, autocorrect suggested “fair entrees”).

 

Emojis still look like they’re being butts, so a written summary today:

teethies: about to get up and do them now

Walkies: yes, went for a walk in my lunch

freggies: yep

sleepies: ready for bed now and there’s a massive thunderstorm so I should sleep well

cleanies: nope

boundaries: yes good on this one today

finance Friday: it’s Tuesday (and I am thinking I might switch it to Money Mondays so there is time for everything to clear/transfer, but undecided)

Shitty task: there’s another job I need to apply for. I haven’t yet.

communication: first class tomorrow!

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I love you are staying in tune with your anxiety and stress levels and trying to change your plans accordingly to care for yourself.  It's not easy.  You are doing a great job. 

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Race: Amazonian Ogre Princess | Class: Ranger | Profession: SuperHero | Affiliation: Doodlie and Pancake for Life

Respawn Challenge Arcs: 2021 | 2022

 

I am not saying I am Wonder Woman. I am just saying no one has ever seen me and Wonder Woman together in the same room.

 

Original Spawn Challenges 2014 - 2020: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 789, 10, 11, 12 , 131415, 1617181920, 21, 2223242526272829303132, 33, 3435, 36??

Roadmaps: 2016 | 2017 | 2018 | 2019 | 2020

Starting weight = 290.4 (2014); Current weight = 241.2; Total pounds lost: 49.2

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Weds- taking a mental health day from everything. Back tomorrow.

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And we’re back.

 

Slept/rested/vegetated most of Weds and Thurs- it was frickin hot, so laying on the bed in front of the aircon and resting was wise. I did do my orientation for sign language (omg SOME people, I forget how  technologically advanced I am sometime, so being in a big group where that is not everyone’s strength was whack) and I watched some videos for my permaculture course. I had hoped to finish and submit the permaculture before starting the sign language, but hey ho it be what it be. Still need to do the final design and submit it, I have until March but ASAP is best. Thursday was a public holiday but not one I celebrate, so again I slept a lot and otherwise rested in front of the aircon. Very needed and made an effort not to beat myself up about it. I think some of Weds/Thurs funk was anxious about today: second assessment for ADHD, and yep I have it. Now with the diagnosis we have a plan and I will begin transitioning off the anxiety medication ready to switch over to the ADHD medication. This challenge & next may also include symptom tracking to make sure I’m not getting whack withdrawals etc. for the next six weeks while the shift is happening. I’ve been on my current meds for a long long time and they have a short half life which apparently means coming off them kinda sucks. Still, the diagnosis was a relief and I am optimistic that medication might help me be a little less scatterbrained. 
 

Week 4 Friday~
Teethies: almost forgot to do them, but luckily(?) got a piece of chicken in my teeth from my dinner sandwich and went to find a floss pick and remembered once I saw the brushes and did the thing.

Walkies: yes, gymmed squats AND did a dedicated stretch video when I got home

freggies: hmmm, I’ve had a carrot and I might have another… or maybe some spinach on my chicken sandy (did have spinach!)

sleepies: well it’s 8pm and I’m already pretty well ready for bed lol, should be fine as long as I don’t get a second wind… [930 and snuggling down with an audiobook now]

boundaries: I had already booked in a medical day today knowing that my mind would not be on my work on the lead up to the appointment. Top score for preventative maintenance.

Finance Friday: it’s Friday! All the accounts are whacky after the public holiday, so will check again tomorrow and do the budget balance shuffle

shitty task: fuck yes, did the appointment with the shrink, big win there.

communication: yep, did the orientation

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Hey Yasha ❤️

 

Not sure if you have seen on my thread, but Rox has just recently been diagnosed with ADHD. We had to go private due to a 4 year waiting list on the NHS :( cost a fucking bomb tbh (i paid half)

 

She is picking up medication today, again we have to pay. Psych doc will transition her care to the NHS once she is stable on the meds. 

 

I know i have ADHD too, but we cant afford another assessment and its not too important to me right now, i hvae bipolar and my meds for that are ok/keep me from complete suicidal urges etc. 

 

Anyway sorry to derail, im glad you got the diagnosis and i hope the meds help your life ❤️ xx

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1 minute ago, Salinger said:

Hey Yasha ❤️

 

Not sure if you have seen on my thread, but Rox has just recently been diagnosed with ADHD. We had to go private due to a 4 year waiting list on the NHS :( cost a fucking bomb tbh (i paid half)

 

She is picking up medication today, again we have to pay. Psych doc will transition her care to the NHS once she is stable on the meds. 

 

I know i have ADHD too, but we cant afford another assessment and its not too important to me right now, i hvae bipolar and my meds for that are ok/keep me from complete suicidal urges etc. 

 

Anyway sorry to derail, im glad you got the diagnosis and i hope the meds help your life ❤️ xx

Bruuuuutal waitlist eek! I was on the waitlist for about 4 months and I had to pay out of pocket (around a grand) but thankfully medicare will refund a large portion of it. Bananas that it isn't just covered -especially since statistically ADHDers are lower-income/have employment barriers. I'm one of the lucky ones where I crazy-brained myself into a pretty good career/job so I can actually afford to take the assessment. Sucks so bad to get a tiny taste of how the Americans have it! I hope Rox also gets what she needs from medication & the price isn't too bad of a sting - I am cautiously optimistic. We are certain Mx has ADHD and Autism, but similar to you- very expensive to go two-fer and there is a higher risk here for tism diagnosis only being detrimental, seeing as there is no medication known that can help (still technically low, but given they are in a trade and tradies can be a bit... well... y'know, they aren't currently seeking a diagnosis).  

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17 minutes ago, Yasha92 said:

Bruuuuutal waitlist eek! I was on the waitlist for about 4 months and I had to pay out of pocket (around a grand) but thankfully medicare will refund a large portion of it. Bananas that it isn't just covered -especially since statistically ADHDers are lower-income/have employment barriers. I'm one of the lucky ones where I crazy-brained myself into a pretty good career/job so I can actually afford to take the assessment. Sucks so bad to get a tiny taste of how the Americans have it! I hope Rox also gets what she needs from medication & the price isn't too bad of a sting - I am cautiously optimistic. We are certain Mx has ADHD and Autism, but similar to you- very expensive to go two-fer and there is a higher risk here for tism diagnosis only being detrimental, seeing as there is no medication known that can help (still technically low, but given they are in a trade and tradies can be a bit... well... y'know, they aren't currently seeking a diagnosis).  

 

4 months is good!

 

Here (in the UK not America haha) the NHS is falling apart due to the Tories 😢

 

Im kinda hopeful of these meds for her, weve done a lot of research and people can have life changed by them. (of course not putting pressure on her to be ok/saved haha) 

 

xx

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Crossing my everything for us both!

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Saturday and tornado Taash completely had the wheel. Got up and started with some homework towards my permaculture certification first thing while I drank my coffee, unloaded the dry dish rack and did a load of dishes and wiped down all the counters, ran a load of laundry in the machine, took out all the trash and recycle including full change of the litter boxes and the bathroom, bedroom, and office bins, made a batch-cook lunch, took out the compost and turned the backyard bin, picked up for and ran the Roomba, then went to IKEA and Bunnings (our hardware store) looking for some kitchen legs so I can finish a project I’m working on to give us a smidge more benchspace. No joy on the legs, but did get several other organisational items off the rolling list plus a cute little orchid as a celebration/recognition of the milestone of actually getting a diagnosis. Came home and hung out the load of laundry I washed in the morning plus brought in and folded two loads (one of which was towels to be fair, and Mx folded all their clothes from the second load). Had a bath, put away the dry dishes from this morning, moved the not-my-size-currently clothes into the new under bed zippy storage things. Half made the bed (floofed a flat sheet over the mattress, it’s not tucked in, it’s not going to be tucked in- I will put on the fitted sheet when I am ready to rumble. 
Mx and I had some words, but we were able to talk it through after the fact and make up. 
 

Week 4, Saturday~
Teethies: yes

Walkies: counting my frenetic energy as a walk, did a full lap of IKEA so that has to count for something (or is it “Šœmthįŋk”?)

Freggies: I had the veggie meatballs at IKEA and they have given me the rankest farts (tmi, I know), otherwise had “Taash salad” which is roast veggies, feta and bacon on baby spinach for lunch. Good stuff.

Sleepies: a bit of a late night tonight (quarter to midnight), but Mx and I needed to have an adult conversation (not sexy, just acting our age ugh).

Boundaries: no issues here today!

Finance Friday: oopsie, need to sit down and do the budget balance.

Shitty task: has been claimed for the week!

Communication: yes for class orientation, bonus points for doing the grownup conversation too. 

 

DA515F5A-88AF-4141-9E4F-A240425F7129.jpeg

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20 hours ago, Salinger said:

Wow yashaaaaaaa 

 

wow what a day you did SO much 😍

 

proud of you xx


Thank you it was a heck of a day!

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Sunday~
A far less crazy day, still a bit crazy and I do feel more distracted/jumpy today than usual, not a swirling pit of anxiety or panic, just more “squirrel!” which is kinda dangerous while driving 😬. Noting it as a potential medication reduction symptom and moving on. Did a little permaculture homework first thing in the morning. Went to the junkshop to look for legs for my project bench and found some which should work! Will have to cut them down a bit, but that’s ok. There was a market on in the carpark, so Mx and I had cute morning tea cannolis and a roam through said market. Got home and did a little pre-DnD cleaning while Mx prepped for the session (most of it knocked over yesterday, so today was just a load of dishes and hanging one load of laundry and bringing in yesterdays load from the line (not folded yet), also ran the Roomba and vacuumed the back of the mobile aircon unit because it has been working HARD in this heat). After we were technically meant to start DnD I went back out to print some handouts and tokens for the maps already printed and laminated. Worth the additional outing coz it was an EPIC session, best we’ve had in ages. Thousands of feet in the air on a flying pirate ship crewed by undead. The bard polymorphed into a dragon, my barbarian 1v1’d the boss fight with the captain and fell to 0hp and was yeeted (yote?) over the edge of the flying necromatic ship, the cleric ended up dropping a 200HP healing spell AND a well placed sunburst spell which destroyed a deck full of skeleton pirates. We hardly ever play with minis or table battlemaps (mostly using the massive whiteboard), so to have both plus little tokens and unveiled the personalised minis Mx has had hidden in their office for YEARS was pretty badass.

 

Week 5, Sunday

Teethies: yep!

Walkies: counting the market laps, even though that barely counts, it was over 30*C, so any outside time is a stretch.

Freggies: honestly, no

Sleepies: in bed ready to sleep after this post.

Boundaries: yep, no issues

Financy Friday/Money Monday: switching this over to Monday to try and smooth out the clunky tranfer lag. 

Shitty task: new week, new task, nothing specific in mind currently, except continuing the meds transition and being prepared that may hit the fan at any moment. 
Communication: first face to face class for Auslan on Wednesday.

 

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FE3C2B6F-3B9C-4ECF-8839-3A358F9C9859.jpeg

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Monday~ worked from the office, took a walk in lunch to see Best Lady and give her the stuff she accidentally left behind yesterday, after work I picked up some freecycle items from the neighbourhood group in the absolute POURING rain- it was stinking hot at lunchtime, so the rain was a bit of a surprise. Got soaked, but it was still relatively warm despite the rain, so not too bad. Grabbed grocery essentials (it was just butter lol) on the way home. Had another phone screening and have an offer of an interview- somehow I got confused when I was submitting the application because I was certain it was for the level above me- double checked after the chat with HR and it is definitely the same level as I currently am… weird. Got home and rough-drafted an application that I have to submit tomorrow if I’m going to submit it at all- that one is for the level above the level above me, I am perhaps a little under qualified, but I reckon I’d do a really good job of it. Re-did the budget and fixed some wonky auto-transfers, recalculated new post-student-loans-paycheck, wrote up an application for a loan with my current bank which is 2% less interest than the existing one to do a debt consolidation- counting all that Math as my shitty task once combined with the rough draft app (neither feels like a full “yup”, but by their powers combined… . Had a bath. Did a smattering of permaculture homework. Washed 5min of dishes. 
 

Week 5, Monday~
Teethies: yup.

Walkies: yup.

Freggies: yup.

Cleanies: yup.

Sleepies: yup.

Boundaries: yup.

Money Monday: yup.

Shitty task: yup.

Communication: booked for Weds.

 

oh yeah yes GIF by Lame Kids Club

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22 hours ago, Salinger said:

Great day Yasha, well done on all those YUPS :) xx

Thanks friendo!!!

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Tuesday, definitely feeling a little bit spacey today. Worked from the office, went for a walk in lunch, spent too much money on some work blouses (oops), did a short errand after work, discovered my car was FULL OF BEES, probably from the cute little garden chair I picked up yesterday. Luckily the bees are little tiny stingless native ones, so once the chair was out I scooped most of them out with my hands. Good luck lil friends! Sorry I took you so far from home! Speaking of home, once I got home (and removed the chair/bees) I did a fair whack of turning/digging some compost, washed and hung a load of laundry, washed a load of dishes, wrote and submitted an application for the Lvl A position. Got confused and also bashed out an app for a different role, only when I went to submit it did I see it was the same level as what I am currently on (again!!!), I think I must just not recognise the pay band as a figure, only as a HEO level. 
 

Week 5, a Tuesday ~
Teethies: yup.

Walkies: yup.

Freggies: yup.

Cleanies: yup.

Sleepies: ish.

Boundaries: yup.

Money Monday: yup.

Shitty task: yup.

Communication: booked for tomorrow

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19 hours ago, Elastigirl said:

Having a car full of bees sounds alarming! I really like those bees though. My yard has several. 

 

18 hours ago, Salinger said:

I would still panic ahahahh glad you got them out safe xx


Thankfully none of them bothered me, they seemed mostly contained to the boot /back end of the car. Give me bees any day over even one single roach *shudder *

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Wednesday, a good day but I am absolutely wrecked. First face to face lesson for Auslan (Australian sign language) which was 5 hours of heavy brain work, then came home and did some work for my paid employ, then to the gym for deadlifts. Home for a tiny bit more work-work a smattering of care tasks and sliding into bed just a hair before 11.

 

Teethies: no, I used up all my hygiene energy taking a shower once I had already completely cooled down from the gym. Easy to get in when I am actively sweaty, quite difficult for me once I’ve ‘dried’.

Walkies: yes, deadlifts 8/8/8/6/4 at 50,60,70,75,80kg

Freggies: yep

Cleanies: did a little bit of folding and putting away clean clothes.

Sleepies: on my way

Boundaries: yep, have a couple more hours to catch up the flexitime for doing sign on a weekday, but being sensible about it and sharing the load across some other workdays.

money Monday: was done at the top of the week

communicwtion: yep! First face to face class for Auslan 

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23 hours ago, Salinger said:

You did so well !!!!!! ❤️ proud xx

thank youuuuuu!

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