[Harriet]

43 minutes ago, XBlackWidowX said:

Totally!! Hmm a piece of bread with butter or even better, a croissant *_* I think it is my favourite treat.

Sounds lovely! As long as it's a real butter croissant and not made with vegetable oils, as so many baked goods are these days!

[Salinger]

oooh  croissant mmmmmmmmmmmmm xx

[Tanktimus the Encourager]

1 hour ago, Harriet said:

As long as it's a real butter croissant

https://imgur.com/gallery/k5OKVwG

Listen with sound. Relevant to conversation.

[Harriet]

47 minutes ago, Tanktimus the Encourager said:

https://imgur.com/gallery/k5OKVwG

Listen with sound. Relevant to conversation.

Kwasson! I live with a European so even though he is not French, I now know better than to say Crossont. But I feel self conscious doing the proper French pronunciation because I am Australian. So I do something in between 😛

[Harriet]

Tuesday 17.01

I did reading, DBs, got dressed, did art, went for walk. Carnivore continues.

I ate raw salmon, 24g butter and 40g tallow this morning, and was so satiated that I didn't eat until 3:30 (usually I eat at about 10, 12, 3, and 5). I did have a very noticeable rise in anxiety (from zero) at about 3pm, so I remembered what the lovely reddit carnivores say and decided to smother it with cream just now. Will see what happens. I should probably eat some red meat this evening as I haven't had any yet.

I am reading the fire in a bottle blog on polyunsaturates, and some of it, relative to reductive stress, is kind of sounding like the exact same mechanisms in CFS. 

Spoiler

Okay, so usually glucose turns into pyruvate, then pyruvate dehydrogenase takes it to the next step in aerobic metabolism, the slow very efficient way of making energy. But if you do glycolysis--fast and inefficient anaerobic metabolism--glucose is made into lactate instead. This can cause pain and fatigue in non-athletes who aren't good at using lactate as fuel. Usually, whether or not you  use aerobic or anaerobic metabolism depends on how hard you're working: sprints and other hard efforts need the fast glycolysis. But walking and living usually use aerobic metabolism, which is good because it results in many, many times more ATP molecules (our basic unit of energy).

In CFS, people don't use glucose very well in aerobic metabolism. They can still use fat in aerobic metabolism, but glucose tends to be used in glycolysis, even when we're not exercising! We enter glycolysis at much lower levels of intensity: we have a low anaerobic threshold. We can make pyruvate, but there's something wrong with pyruvate dehydrogenase.

So.... in states of reductive stress, there are a few things that can happen:

1. Pyruvate can be used in glycolysis and made into lactate instead of entering the aerobic metabolism. This relieves some reductive stress. In fact, reductive stress inhibits pyruvate dehydrogenase. HMMMM.

2. A build up of acyl-CoA (or acetly CoA? must check) can acetlyate mitochondrial enzymes, causing mitochondrial dysfunction and 'torpor', a state of reduced metabolism to which CFS has been compared. In fact, hibernating animals NEED reductive stress and mitochondrial enyzme acetylation in order to become appropriately torpid and enter hibernation. Mitochondrial dysfunction is often identified as the central feature of CFS. Hmmmm.
3. But wait, CFS is associated with oxidative stress, the opposite of reductive stress. What gives? Well... under conditions of low oxygen in the cells, reductive stress paradoxically causes oxidative stress (I will spare you the mechanisms). CFS is associated with low oxygen in the cells.

 

Is CFS characterised by reductive stress? The blog made zero mention of CFS, I just naturally wondered how it all applied, and some things seems eerily familiar.

 

Anyway, saturated fat brings up reactive oxygen species to appropriate levels, so let's keep eating tallow, cream and butter and see what happens.

 

 

[Harriet]

Wednesday 18 01

I did reading, DBs, got dressed, did art, and walked. Carnivore continues.

 

Eating fixed my anxiety yesterday, btw. Other changes continue: generally very good mood apart from that one anxiety spike (possibly related to not eating, or to Mr Harriet going off to confront Herr M again), slightly reduced sleep but not especially tired. Plus really bad palpitations last night in bed. I had some water and they got better. Oh, and the complete and total cessation of obsessive and intrusive food thoughts all ****ing day: "What can I have next? Is it time for a little something? I'm hungry. How long until the next meal? I can't have that... I'm going to have one. And another. How about another? I'm snacky. Is there anything sweet?" etc., on and on and on all the time. Nope, beef and tallow just kills it dead. I thought it was the high calories but I ate a more normal amount yesterday, 2100. We'll see if the effects persist. And even if I'm eating more, or the same amount, there seems to be a totally different quality to my thoughts and feelings about food. I don't feel driven, compulsive, needy, neurotic, urgent. Instead I gradually start to think it might be time to eat. Then I eat. Then I don't think about eating for hours. The only thing I get is a minor craving feeling for cream, which is slightly sweet, and for tea, to which I am addicted, and which cuts the fatty aftertaste of meat, which I don't enjoy. (Acid. I wish I had acid. I'll drink some sparkling water though, that will probably do the trick).

 

I have finished more ribs, and am very much looking forward to a different kind of beef. I don't have enough freezer space for a large order, though, because... there are more ribs. I'm not ready to eat more ribs yet. Might need lower fat for a few days? Maybe I can pay the delivery fee and get a smaller package of meat. Or I could buy the lean grass steaks from the shop and add creme fraiche.

 

 

[sarakingdom]

On 1/16/2023 at 2:00 PM, Harriet said:

In what way do you struggle? Just palatability, or planning, or something else? I'm hitting between 70 and 88% fat, and my ketones today were over 2, which is higher than I was on keto.

 

Both of those, plus some meal-sharing and pantry-space-sharing constraints.

 

How are you measuring your ketones, finger prick?

[Tanktimus the Encourager]

2 hours ago, Harriet said:

Acid. I wish I had acid. I'll drink some sparkling water though, that will probably do the trick).

 

Carbonic acid is in carbonated water, so you are correct. 

[Harriet]

34 minutes ago, sarakingdom said:

Both of those, plus some meal-sharing and pantry-space-sharing constraints.

 

Ah, that's difficult. It's gotta work for you. Meal sharing makes it hard. I'm finding it easier to cook something totally separate for Mr Harriet. And I am running short on freezer space. And I think it would have been really, really hard to do without cream (30%+ fat), which I freeze and then eat. I'm okay with eating plain butter, and even plain tallow. I won't say it's nice. It's not especially nice. But it meets a minimum standard of palatability, otherwise it would be unsustainable.

 

34 minutes ago, sarakingdom said:

How are you measuring your ketones, finger prick?

 

Yeah. Not every day, obviously, just thought I'd get a few measures for my data. 3.5 today, which I have never seen before. After dinner, too, when it would usually be down a bit. But I started feeling better before the ketones kicked in, so I think my brain likes fat rather than ketones as such. But they should promote mitogenesis and mitophagy so I'm thinking it's a good idea for me to do it for at least a few months each year from now on. Mitos are health diamonds. I want them.

 

5 minutes ago, Tanktimus the Encourager said:

Carbonic acid is in carbonated water, so you are correct. 

 

I didn't know that. So.... even when I drink water I prefer acid? Huh. I suppose tannic acid counts, too? It doesn't taste acidic, though. It tastes like bitter toasty leaves and heavy cream.

[Harriet]

Thursday 19 01

 

I did DBs, read, got dressed, did a little art, but then went to the kardiologin. I may walk a little more.

They asked some questions, asked me to strip, put an octopus machine on me, and did an ultraschall of my heart. I got to see it writhing on the screen. Gross but cool. I got gel in my hair, whose length both the nurse and doctor commented on. The nurse said it was beautiful and asked if I did anything special for it. I said I avoid hairdressers and complimented her on the glossiness of her own locks. She said she got it cut recently but always regrets it. I told her I always regretted it too, and that's why I quit getting it cut.

 

My heart is structurally completely normal. The only problem is the slightly elevated heart rate--about 100 while lying down. The doc said my POTS is atypical because in the test my blood pressure dropped before rising. I don't know what happens with typical POTS. But she can't give me the normal POTS medication because it lowers blood pressure, and mine is already normal. For the opposite reason she doesn't recommend loads of salt (it regulates blood pressure) but said I can have as much as I like. I think this also means compressive garments won't help, which is kind of a relief. I'm going to go back in in March and get a device stuck to me for a 24 hour EKG. She said if my heart rate is consistently elevated, they can give me a med to bring it down without affecting the blood pressure.

 

I noticed a huge difference in my wellbeing when standing and sitting in the waiting room, and lying down on the machine. It was such a relief and immediately fixed some major discomfort and a little rising anxiety that I had while sitting (along with the palpitations, of course). Lying down pretty much immediately restored a really good mood and total bodily comfort. It could be a clue, and something to collect more data on.

 

I crossed a little food market on the way back to the train, and spontaneously picked up some raw milk bergkäse, mountain cheese. I don't usually like it because it's too strong (honestly it smells like feet. Not sure why the Germans love it so much), but this one had a really nice taste. (I asked the cheesemaker to recommend something and she carved me off a chunk to try). I also saw a small meat stand and grabbed some rib eye. It looked like a small farm but not organic. It looks so fat compared to the grassfed organic steak. I am looking forward to it a lot. I love being able to interact spontaneously with strangers without anxiety.

Speaking of which, I mentioned to the Kardiologin I was eating keto, mostly meat and milk, for my anxiety. She asked how it was going and if I had any side effects, and was perfectly content when I said no problems. So the heart doctor is fine with me eating keto.

[Mistr]

On 1/13/2023 at 6:56 PM, Scaly Freak said:

I can so very much relate to this. A critical part of cos-playing as a grown-up has always been to wear strict business outfits to work, and then I as soon as got home I'd get out of the costume and into "my" clothes, that I was comfortable in and felt like myself in.  So my outfit transition is going in the opposite direction from yours..

 

I have been going through my closet and getting rid of all work attire items that were not comfortable enough to wear just as well outside of work, and am now in the process of gradually replacing them bit by bit, with clothing that makes me feel good and is comfortable to wear, while still being "adult" enough for corporate America's penchant for basing its assessment of a woman's level of competence and professionalism on her outfit. It's slow going, but oh so worth it.  

 

I am lucky in that my work calls for "Business casual" as the top end of dressed up, unless one is giving a presentation to customers. We work with scientists who are generally not fashion-conscious. I only upgraded from my grad school jeans and sweatshirts because I wanted to feel like I had moved up in the world. I upgraded again when I became a supervisor, because dressing better does make a difference. Luckily that just means slacks and nice tops or sweaters, not formal clothes. My blazers have been gathering dust in my closet for years.

 

On 1/14/2023 at 5:47 AM, Harriet said:

It's definitely a significant factor! And Mr Harriet has been wanting me to stop dressing like a grotty teenager for years. He comes from a fashionable family that dresses up every day.

 

I love the idea of curating a wardrobe full of only those things you like. I haven't been able to do that in the past because I didn't know what I liked. But I think I can start gradually replacing. Should be a great process

 

I go through my clothes every year because I pack up winter/summer clothes in the spring and fall. If I notice I have not worn something for a season, I take a hard look at why. If I like it but just never had an occasion, I will keep it. If I don't like it enough to wear it when I have a choice, it goes to the charity shop.

 

On 1/16/2023 at 12:50 PM, sarakingdom said:

And I struggle with this, too. (Some days, I'm only arguably wearing clothes, because leggings are not pants, and that means my bottom half is technically unclothed. So flourishes might take me some time. And I didn't have this problem working in an office. Sure, it was always scarves and only rarely layers, but I could use a few more scarves and layers. At home, it just feels like all it's accomplishing is increasing the clothing maintenance requirements.)

On 1/16/2023 at 1:00 PM, Harriet said:

Ja, I don't like high maintenance clothing. So what I've done is just made classier swaps within categories: relaxed but still properly fitting oxblood cashmere sweater instead of hugely oversized faded black hoodie with holes. Same category: comfy warm top! And I don't wash my sweaters often because I don't sweat much, and wool is in any case very good at staying cleanish. Mostly it's me getting into the habit of picking my nicest stuff first, instead of 'saving' it for later. I feel like this approach shouldn't add toooo much daily effort. A little, for sure, compared to staying in my trackpants. But not a lot.

 

I think that leggings are fine. If they are lightweight, I will wear a tunic or skirt over them. I have a set of scarves that I like that can be added for extra warmth or just to liven up a plain top.

 

I live in the north, so layers are a necessary part of my life half the year. One of the advantages is that the base layer can be plain and comfortable and easy to wash. The outer layers are protected from sweat. You don't need to wash them unless something gets spilled. The scarves rarely need washing.  

 

On 1/18/2023 at 8:50 AM, Harriet said:

Or I could buy the lean grass steaks from the shop and add creme fraiche.

 

I love hearing that you are happy and have energy on your current meal plan. You could add mushrooms sauteed in lots of butter to add some flavor to the lean steaks.

[Harriet]

Friday 20.01

 

Did DBs, despite interference from Orange. Read, got dressed, did art, went for a walk.

I also edited for Mr Harriet--took about 2:15 hours.

Yesterday I rearranged my closet so only the nice things I will wear often are taking up the most important space, and they're all visible and accessible. I also.... I threw away my low-vis safety vest. That is to say, my favourite oversized, faded, black hoodie with holes in it, which used to be Mr Harriet's. It was my don't-look-at-me hoodie, and  very much harkens back to my depressed and apathetic metalhead teen look from, um, twenty years ago. It felt safe. But I threw it out.

I have extra energy today, which has come out in dancing and jiggling spontaneously throughout the day. Ruminants for the win! I was thinking of making my walk longer, but I decided to play it safe as I already increased the length recently. If all goes well I'll continue increasing gradually. Maybe I'll even go back to the gym.

[Harriet]

14 hours ago, Mistr said:

 

Luckily that just means slacks and nice tops or sweaters, not formal clothes.

 

I don't envy those who have to wear suits daily.

 

14 hours ago, Mistr said:

I love hearing that you are happy and have energy on your current meal plan. You could add mushrooms sauteed in lots of butter to add some flavor to the lean steaks.

Thank you! Mushrooms are not ruminants, though, so I will save them for later.

[Sovalis]

Congratulations on divesting yourself of the safety vest! That's a big step! 

[Everstorm]

You seem to really be thriving with the carnivore diet!  I am glad to hear you are feeling so energetic 😊 

[Salinger]

Wow, what a great win  xx

[Harriet]

19 hours ago, Sovalis said:

Congratulations on divesting yourself of the safety vest! That's a big step! 

 

Divesting lol. Thank you!

 

2 hours ago, Salinger said:

Wow, what a great win  xx

 

Thanks, Sal!

 

14 hours ago, Everstorm said:

You seem to really be thriving with the carnivore diet!  I am glad to hear you are feeling so energetic 😊 

It certainly seems so! Time will tell if it's a fluctuation or something more.

[Harriet]

Saturday 21 01

 

I did DBs, read, got dressed, did minimal fallback amount of art, and went for a walk.

I don't feel bad today, I just felt like doing something else, namely watching a talk on seed oils and knitting.

 

They were talking about antibodies to oxidised cardiolipin and mentioned it was a relevant mechanism in CFS. No one ever mentions CFS! I googled it and they were not lying; cardiolipin antibodies have been found in CFS. Cardiolipin is a component of mitochondrial membranes, and when it breaks down, the mitos stop functioning. Anyway, the speakers were saying cardiolipin becomes oxidised when it is enriched in linoleic acid from excessive dietary intake. They really seem to think linoleic acid oxidation and breakdown is the common thread between a very wide range of chronic diseases, and they had a bunch of papers to show they weren't just making things up. Are they insane? Or has everyone else overlooked this? I don't know. I do see how something could be overlooked; not because there is insufficient research, but because there is too much research. Thousands of papers, much of it from decades ago. I don't think medical students are scouring the literature and trying to join the dots; I imagine they're doing what's necessary to pass their courses, like everyone else.

I thought it would be instructive to watch videos arguing the opposite position, since I am not a scientist and rely on others' interpretations, and I know this is a contrarian view and that having a medically neglected illness makes me biased towards alternative opinions. So I clicked on the top suggested video against the anti-seed-oil brigade, but I got twenty minutes of appeals to authority and speculation about how people who hold minority views in nutritional science are... wait for it... insecure about their masculinity, and want to go back to eating meat because the hunt mimics war, and war gives insecure men purpose. Ah yes, we're warmonger-gatherers, and hunting was invented only recently as a cheap substitute when we ran out of wars. Anyway I feel like the appeal to the assumed politics of his opponents was a bit grubby, to be honest. I didn't even bother to watch the section in which he looks at a single paper showing that omega-6 is not inherently inflammatory, which the anti-seed-oil folks told me already. So I missed out on him debunking a strawman, which is sad. I'll try to find a more scholarly presentation of the pro seed oil position, and get some therapy for my toxic masculinity.

[Elastigirl]

I've done a little bit (just barely scratching the surface) researching on seed oils. I really didn't read enough to convince me on either side, but I did feel like there was at least some evidence pointing to seed oils being a problem.  It's pretty easy to find avocado oil around here so I just go with that. But I don't freak out about eating foods cooked in oil at restaurants. I do avoid fried food for the most part. I'm not sure if it's the old oil they use , the type, or that there's wheat in it, but it can cause achy joints and gut problems. 

[Harriet]

14 hours ago, Elastigirl said:

I've done a little bit (just barely scratching the surface) researching on seed oils. I really didn't read enough to convince me on either side, but I did feel like there was at least some evidence pointing to seed oils being a problem.  It's pretty easy to find avocado oil around here so I just go with that. But I don't freak out about eating foods cooked in oil at restaurants. I do avoid fried food for the most part.

 

I'm looking into it in more detail, and there's a lot more to it than some of the more superficial presentations I've seen about inflammation and omega 3:6 ratio. It's more about what happens after the oils are incorporated into your cell membranes (which are made up of dietary fats) and then oxidise (which they do because they're innately more unstable than saturated or monounsaturated fats), losing function and creating toxic metabolites from their breakdown.

 

Balancing health concerns with social flexibility is a tricky one. I think I'd be more flexible if I were healthy, and if the mechanisms I've learned about didn't match CFS so closely. From now on I think I will only go to restaurants/get takeaway if it's socially important (that is, if someone else suggests it), and I'll try hard to avoid fried foods (at least those that can absorb a lot of oil. I don't think steaks will carry a lot, even if they're cooked in it?) and salads with dressing. Meanwhile I'll try to really strictly strip my at-home diet of omega 6 to make a bit more space for those restaurant foods, if that makes sense. Chris Knobbe recommends we keep total omega 6 intake to under 2% of calories, or 2.2-5g per day. That's easily reached with olive oil, nuts, fatty pork and dark chicken (even without seed oils). I guess it would be overkill to avoid those foods if you're healthy but I'm not.

 

14 hours ago, Elastigirl said:

I'm not sure if it's the old oil they use , the type, or that there's wheat in it, but it can cause achy joints and gut problems. 

 

Could be any of those. The breakdown products of seed oils used repeatedly for high heat cooking are, apparently, profoundly toxic. And I don't think they change the oil very often.

[Harriet]

I did DBs, read, got dressed, did some art, and went for a walk.

I'm not feeling maximally art motivated at the moment, and took off some of the morning as I did some research on gardens for the Munich house. Mr Harriet is hiring someone to help us, but we need to give them ideas. I was looking at gardens without grass or lawns, but with a mix of paving stones or gravel and then really short low shrubs. Our garden is pretty small so it's not like you could run around the lawn anyway.

I tried frying some beef trimmings with my steak today, and found it a little unpleasant to eat. I think I might throw away the left over trimmings from the ribs, and the rendered tallow, and just use dairy for my extra fat. Honestly carnivore is hard enough, especially for someone who is picky about animal foods, without forcing myself to eat things I'm not familiar with. I'll have to try a dairy-free experiment another time, maybe on a non-carnivore diet with plants.

[Salinger]

How are you today Harriet? ❤️ 

[Harriet]

1 hour ago, Salinger said:

How are you today Harriet? ❤️ 

 

Just fine! Thanks, Sal ❤️

[Harriet]

Monday 23 01

I did DBs, read, got dressed, did art, and went for a walk.

I'm doing fine. I didn't do the maximal amount of art but that's okay. Mood is good, sleep is good, no pain, didn't notice massive palpitations when shopping. Walks are feeling good instead of exhausting, and I'm reading and listening to interesting lectures. So overall, pretty good except for the slight art resistance which is probably just because I'm excited about a different topic right now, and which I trust will correct itself as long as I keep showing up.

 

We're heading to Munich for a few days soon. We're invited to Mr Harriet's stepfather's birthday but I am also going to look at tiles for the house so I get to take part in the final decision. I'll be able to cook but it's an unfortunately very packed programme so shopping will be an extra burden I probably will want to avoid. So I'm just buying frozen ground beef and cream and I'm just going to take them with me. 8 cream, 8 beef, 4 days. Maybe a little butter and cheese. Oh, and tea. Oh, that actually means 9 creams. Yes I'm still eating 3000 calories yes I'm a monster no I don't care yes I feel fine. No weight/waist gain so far.

[Sovalis]

You are not a monster for giving your body what it needs.