[Mistr]

Challenge 2023 - Give myself a break

 

New Year's challenges are always I'll get in shape or this year I'm getting enough sleep. Push yourself a bit more and achieve greatness.

 

Not this year. I am taking a look at what I did last year and changing my approach.

 

My goals a year ago are practically identical to what I would write today if I did a normal challenge. Did I actually make progress on my goals last year?

 

Let's take a look. Cut for length

Spoiler

My overall goal was to improve my attitude and outlook. That did not happen.

 

I tried a bunch of the usual stuff to cope better. I did a lot of things at home and at work. I have a job, a house and a family. Things have not fallen apart, but I can't point to progress either. I spent a lot of time being stressed about keeping it together. By the end of the year I was tired of feeling near the end of my rope and started therapy. I am hoping that will give me more tools.

 

Work really was that bad all year. We started off 2022 with an open position and a request to add a new position to handle an increasing workload. Over the year we hired and trained four new people (in two groups) and lost four people. The open position was approved, but not filled yet. The move from fully remote to hybrid was mixed for me. I appreciate being able to talk with my coworkers more easily, but the commute takes an hour out of my day. In the before times I used to work out at lunch and sit zen before work. I haven't managed to get that going. Instead I've been sitting zen at lunch and only doing a little working out. I can't tell if that made a difference for my mental state, but I am clearly in less good physical shape. I did yoga and core work consistently when I was working fully remote.

 

My planning for this year is based on things staying the same. My workload will have really busy and lighter days. Unpredictably. I need to have strategies to deal with both.

 

Last year what I said and what I did:

1) Exercise every day. Currently alternating between the NF pushup challenge and yoga. Some days this might just be aikido or a walk. If things are really dire, I can walk 20 minutes on the treadmill and listen to a podcast. I hate the treadmill, so that is encouragement to do yoga instead.

More like 3-4 days a week than every day. Some weeks were really good, others not so much.

 

2) Sit zen every day. I can tell the difference when I skip a day. If my day goes wonky I can just sit for 5-10 minutes before I go to bed. If the day was that bad, I probably need 10 minutes of calming down before sleeping anyway.

Mostly. About 6 days a week on average, with some long stretches of sitting every day.

 

3) Do Duolingo. Working on learning French expands my brain in a good way. Keep it up. It also helps me hope that someday the world will be a less scary place and we will have money to travel.

I did this consistently. I just got the 365 day streak notice. I can tell my French is getting better. I like Duolingo Plus and the new update to the app. I will keep doing this as an established habit.

 

4) Give myself time for fun projects. Spinning, knitting, reading. There will always be chores waiting. Usually they can wait another 30 minutes.

Some. Clearly not enough.

 

5) Get enough sleep. Everything goes better when I do. Getting next day prep done early counts for bonus points.

Pretty good, surprisingly. I kept consistently to 7.5-8 hours a night. There were some sleep fails. I decided that caffeine is for emergency use only.  I do better with 8 hours of sleep and would like to shift it earlier, but my habit changes of previous years paid off.

 

Now for the real questions: Did these goals help?

 

Yes. They made a difference. I certainly sat zen when I would have blown it off because it was a goal. I know that I feel better when I get enough sleep and sometimes had the presence of mind to act on that when I was tired and frustrated. Duolingo was fun enough that I didn't think of it as a goal. It helps that the app rewards consistency and has a built-in reminder.

 

Were these the right goals?

 

Hard to say. I think they were good goals, but they did not get to the foundation of things I struggle with. I certainly don't want to stop doing any of these things, but they feel like supporting habits rather than goals now.

 

The biggest thing I have been struggling with is feeling like I have too much to do and not making good choices from that to-do list. Just changing the priority order on the list is not going to fix that problem.

 

Things to test for this challenge:

1) Keep work in bounds. Stay on task during the day and put it down at 5:00. If is it clear that some tasks cannot get done by the end of the day, make myself a list of what needs to be done first the next day. Yes, there will be more to do the next day. Keep a priority order and delegate as needed.

 

2) Move my sleep schedule up and sit zen first thing in the morning. The house is always quiet and no one will bother me.

 

3) Exercise at lunchtime when I work on site. On days I work at home, I can exercise in the morning. I can fit in a 30 minute workout consistently and some days can go longer. I have the option of strength training, cardio or yoga at one of five exercise facilities within 5 minutes of my office.

 

4) Do actual fun things after work and on weekends. On days I am going to the dojo, bring a book or knitting to do before class starts. Playing phone games does not count. Those are a sign of stress, not a cure. Take at least 15 minutes a day to do something fun.

 

 

Sure, I am going to make an effort to work on some of the other important things like home improvement projects, getting on top of my finances and doing general adulting. I'll do those anyway. First I am going to give myself more breaks.

[Sovalis]

Sounds very well considered! Here to cheer you on! 

[Harriet]

What can we do other than reflect and revise? I like that you're tailoring your challenges to what did and didn't work last time. Something will stick. Maybe several things! Happy 2023 😊

[RES]

Yay! I found your challenge before it was over  

[Kishi]

I'm feeling your number 4 goal pretty hard. I'm thinking that in order for me to advance, I'm going to have to spend some time sitting at the academy and waiting for class to start. It would be good to have a book with me to do some of that reading I keep telling myself I'm going to do.

[Treva]

Tuning in to cheer you on! As always, the rest of us can learn from your wisdom and insight in your goals. I hope the fun and prioritization go well!

[Sovalis]

How's it going, Mistr? 

[Mistr]

2 hours ago, Sovalis said:

How's it going, Mistr? 

 

Things are going pretty well, just busy as usual.

 

I have done three days in a row of doing zen for 30 minutes before work. The getting to bed early goal has not been so successful, so my focus has not been stellar. The main thing I noticed is that I feel a sense of freedom for the rest of the day having it already done. The last time I had a stretch of 4 days in a row with 30 minutes per session was back in September. I've made a point of doing at least a little meditation in my recent challenges. I'm curious to see if my mental state will change if I keep up a steady practice.

 

Yesterday I did aikido at lunch with my weapons partner. Today I went to an exercise room and did strength and balance work. My left leg has been making funny noises and having random muscle tightness. I pulled out some of my old PT exercises for knees and hips. 🤞

 

I added a new fun thing to my life. One of my friends invited me to join gaming group she is starting. The first session was Tuesday. Only two players were there, but we had fun generating characters and learning about the world. This will be a regular Tuesday thing.

 

I have been struggling with how to handle Thursday evenings. Dumbledore and Hermes usually watch episodes in our living room, which makes it hard for me to do stuff in the family room (unless I wear headphones and listen to something else). I came up with a cunning plan.

After supper, I will go downstairs and work on the bedroom remodel project for a little while. After that I can read, knit, play games, or do anything I want.

The remodeling project has been languishing for the last year. Both Cleo and Dumbledore have said they would help, but that hasn't happened. Me putting in a short session a week will get the project moving again. I hope that once that happens, other people may get onboard.

 

Tonight we are celebrating Elf's birthday. Last night I made chocolate cheesecake (gluten free!) and raspberry sauce. Elf is cooking supper because I did not have time to do that too. Should be a fun time.

[Kishi]

22 hours ago, Mistr said:

I added a new fun thing to my life. One of my friends invited me to join gaming group she is starting. The first session was Tuesday. Only two players were there, but we had fun generating characters and learning about the world. This will be a regular Tuesday thing.

 

Ooh~! What system y'all playing with?

[Mistr]

I just want to say that my kid is awesome.

 

Yesterday Elf did the main cooking for dinner (meatloaf and mashed potatoes) because I did not have time. I just set the table and microwaved a bowl of frozen veggies. Later in the evening I was washing dishes. Elf said that they would do dishes tomorrow. I said "No, it's your birthday and you did extra by doing the cooking. You don't need to do dishes".  Elf ignored me and washed dishes before they went to work today. 🥰

 

1 hour ago, Kishi said:

Ooh~! What system y'all playing with?

 

It is a simplified home-brew system based on World of Darkness (I think).

[Sovalis]

Yay Elf! 💜

[Harriet]

On 1/6/2023 at 12:25 AM, Mistr said:

Both Cleo and Dumbledore have said they would help, but that hasn't happened.

 

Oh no, I kinda feel like I can see the mental load piling up  grain by grain every time your companions forget their work and leave it to you. One heart cell dies every time they forget the dishes.

 

11 hours ago, Mistr said:

Elf ignored me and washed dishes before they went to work today. 🥰

 

A heart cell is spared. 😊 I hope Elf enjoyed the birthday supper and cake.

[Treva]

On 1/6/2023 at 7:25 PM, Mistr said:

Elf said that they would do dishes tomorrow. I said "No, it's your birthday and you did extra by doing the cooking. You don't need to do dishes".  Elf ignored me and washed dishes before they went to work today. 🥰

Awwwww. Yay elf.

 

On 1/6/2023 at 7:25 PM, Mistr said:

It is a simplified home-brew system based on World of Darkness (I think).

That sounds delightful!  I hope the game is a fun addition to your week.

[RES]

On 1/6/2023 at 7:25 PM, Mistr said:

Elf ignored me and washed dishes before they went to work today. 🥰

[Mistr]

I gave myself a break on Friday evening and Saturday and reread a novel. I completely blew off my intention of going to bed at a reasonable time. That meant I slept too late to go to aikido on Saturday. The same thing happened on Sunday. This is making me think that my choice on Friday was not so good. Sitting down to knit would have given me a much better saving throw for going to bed when tired.

 

A couple really good things happened over the weekend.

• On Saturday I sat down with Elf and Cleo and we divided up cleaning chores. I told them that I didn't care which chores they chose, I just wanted to have some of the tasks off my list. They took sweeping the kitchen and dining room, vacuuming the living room, mopping the kitchen, cleaning the upstairs toilet and cleaning the bathroom sink and mirror. I will clean the front entry (because it really bugs me), the laundry room, scrub the kitchen sink and do the dusting. We all take turns with the dishes. Cleo and I agreed that we might do the downstairs toilet, even though it is on Dumbledore's list. If he doesn't get to it for a few weeks, it gets really gross. This arrangement mostly formalizes what we are already doing. The main changes for me are that I will do the front entry more often and not vacuum the living room or clean the upstairs bathroom. I hope that by formalizing things, Elf and Cleo will feel responsible and maybe do those chores more often. 
• I worked on finances Sunday afternoon, then had a really good financial discussion with Dumbledore. We were each able to talk about the things we are scared about. That puts us in a much better place for solving problems. We agreed to meet once a month to stay on top of this.

The not-so-great part was that I had started my batch cooking for the week and stayed up late to finish it. In hindsight, having all my relaxation on Saturday and Sunday being too full was not a great plan. I am going to work on remembering that this weekend.

 

Last night I made it to aikido practice for the first time in a week. I was slow and stiff but moving felt good. I have to keep reminding myself that exercise is not my highest priority this challenge. Sleep, zen and taking breaks are my priorities. It seems like doing zen more consistently is making a difference. I'm curious to see what will change if I keep up that consistency for an entire month. My attitude has been noticeably better for the last week. I hope that is a lasting change and not just the effect of break at New Year's.

[Sovalis]

Yay for formalized division of labour! And double yay for zen consistency helping with moods and attitudes! 

 

I hear you about getting lost in a re-read. I find re-reading so comforting that it often sucks me in away from responsibility. 

[Kishi]

Sounds like the weekend was a good lesson. Good stories are really hard to turn off/away from. I just had the same thing happen to me this past Sunday. An expensive lesson in terms of time. ;

[Harriet]

I'll be interested to hear how the list goes. We've tried to do that before, but one of will end up neglecting it for one reason or another. We take turns being unmotivated.

[Mistr]

4 hours ago, Harriet said:

I'll be interested to hear how the list goes. We've tried to do that before, but one of will end up neglecting it for one reason or another. We take turns being unmotivated.

 

I fully expect that Elf and Cleo will take longer to get to their tasks than I would prefer. Not necessarily longer than it would take me. I can count on my fingers the number of times I scrubbed the kitchen floor before Elf came to live with us. Elf will mop the floor when it needs it. They won't scrub the corners, but it is a lot better than letting it go. I have made my peace with the house being dirtier than I would like a lot of the time. Cleo and I seem to have the same tolerance for the toilet being dirty, which makes me feel better.

 

I am fine with doing spot cleaning in areas that need it. For example, I spilled soup stock on the floor by the stove when I was straining it last weekend.  After swearing a bit, I scrubbed that corner of the kitchen and made sure to get the corner and under the edge of the stove.

 

My big win in having the list is that there are now several things that I can ignore completely. I know the living room floor needed to be vacuumed as of last weekend. It might be clean when I get home, or maybe not. Either way, I don't have to figure out when to vacuum it.

 

- * - * - * -

Last night I stayed up later than I wanted because we had friends over to celebrate Dumbledore's birthday. It was very low-key, which was exactly what he wanted. My problem was that I did not get up early enough to do zen in the morning, and was hoping people would leave so I could sit zen in the family room before bed. I could have left the festivities early and taken my cushions downstairs, but that just didn't appeal to me. I did the usual evening prep things, then did a short meditation in the usual spot.

 

I got up at 6:00am and managed to get a full zen session in before work. I figured I was more likely to do exercise in the evening than zen.  I am enjoying the feeling of not having to do anything after work.

 

[Mistr]

Long weekend update:

 

I went to aikido on Saturday and Monday, and did a bunch of stuff. I did not give myself enough breaks.

 

Yesterday at work I learned that one of our new people from last spring is leaving. That is better than having a more experienced person leave, but it still sucks. One step forward with a new person starting last week, one step backward next week.

 

I went to my new gaming group for the second time last night. I met two more players and we started our adventure. I got a bunch of knitting done while listening to people. Good times.

 

I was wavering about having Tuesday nights busy, but I think it was a good choice. My track record was that I would work late on Tuesdays and not do fun things when I got home. Going to gaming means I have to finish work on time and will have social time.

 

Getting up early to sit zen still feels like a good plan as well. I have a hard time fitting it in on weekends when I sleep in. Theoretically I have lots of open time when I could sit zen, but I make other choices. That means my next goal is to sit first thing on weekends too.

 

I made a start on my Sekrit Project. I think I can get in some more time tomorrow, and maybe Friday evening. I want to get some momentum going on this.

 

Today at lunch my weapons partner wanted to play with two sword work. That was just what I needed. My scream-and-run level dropped from high to manageable.

[Kishi]

3 hours ago, Mistr said:

I was wavering about having Tuesday nights busy, but I think it was a good choice. My track record was that I would work late on Tuesdays and not do fun things when I got home. Going to gaming means I have to finish work on time and will have social time.

 

It sounds good from out here. I suspect it's gonna grind your gears some, but the enforced rest is going to be a net positive, I'm sure.

[XBlackWidowX]

11 hours ago, Mistr said:

Today at lunch my weapons partner wanted to play with two sword work. That was just what I needed. My scream-and-run level dropped from high to manageable.

an unexpected and cool way to unwind! Where was the lunch I wonder? xD

[Mistr]

14 hours ago, XBlackWidowX said:

an unexpected and cool way to unwind! Where was the lunch I wonder? xD

 

I almost always eat lunch at my desk after exercising during my lunch hour.

[Harriet]

On 1/19/2023 at 12:34 AM, Mistr said:

Yesterday at work I learned that one of our new people from last spring is leaving. That is better than having a more experienced person leave, but it still sucks. One step forward with a new person starting last week, one step backward next week.

 

It's time to start knocking on random doors and asking total strangers if they have a minute to talk about aikido. Gotta get new blood or the organisation will age and die, like the civic organisations of old, goddess rest them.

[Mistr]

7 hours ago, Harriet said:

It's time to start knocking on random doors and asking total strangers if they have a minute to talk about aikido. Gotta get new blood or the organisation will age and die, like the civic organisations of old, goddess rest them.

 

The aikido situation is actually worse than the work situation, but is not yet a personal concern for me.

 

We noticed a lack of interested new people coming to aikido several years ago. So did most of the dojos in the US. I don't know about the rest of the world, it may still be popular elsewhere. There is a lot of speculation as to the cause, but most of it is probably a general cultural shift. Yoga is popular now, martial arts not so much. There is a lot of discussion in the aikido community about how to get younger people involved. Some groups are even having success with that.

 

My dojo used to hold beginner's classes in the spring and fall. We had good attendance at several of them. Long term retention = 0. We have talked about holding beginner's classes at a local community center in conjunction with the school district community and after school programs. That would get a lot of advertising and maybe some new people to join. So far, none of the instructors have the energy to organize and teach a new class. We have some younger instructors who would be great, but they are really busy.

 

My boss has talked about getting our staffing level up so that we can handle these transitions with grace instead of scrambling. I am all in favor of that. The hard part is going to be finding good candidates for the positions. In some ways this should be easier than the aikido problem. I know there are people finishing graduate degrees and postdocs who are looking for jobs, and new ones every year. Academia is looking less and less inviting. Hopefully that will help our recruiting. A 40-hour a week job in the sciences is not easy to come by.