sarakingdom Posted January 8 Author Report Share Posted January 8 Week 1 Day 7 Challenge tasks: Spend an hour doing something fun: Christmas movie Make something pretty, fun, or festive: another little peppermint-swirl crochet project Drink 4 liters with electrolytes: 3/4 Support tasks: Single task: hypertonic saline sinus rinse 1 Quote I felt like I could run forever, like I could smell the wind and feel the grass under my feet, and just run forever. Current Challenge: #24 - Mrs. Cosmopolite Challenge Past: #1, #2, #3, #4, #5, #6, #7, #8, #9, #10, #11a & #11b, #12, #13, #14, #15, #16, #17, #18, #19, #20, #21, #22, #23 Link to comment
sarakingdom Posted January 9 Author Report Share Posted January 9 Hot mulled wine made by infusing the mulling spices in something high-test and adding it to warmed wine is an excellent version of mulled wine. Possibly very high-alcohol. (Normally you add some brandy because you've boiled off a lot of the wine alcohol by mulling the spices for a long time in the wine. If you're infusing them in the booze, you barely warm the wine. This is probably a double strength drink.) When I pick up more red wine, I'll grab some brandy and infuse the spices again. Vodka isn't bad, but, well, it's not very traditional. Unless you're into Russian Ukrainian Santa. With his yeti and his swords. 4 Quote I felt like I could run forever, like I could smell the wind and feel the grass under my feet, and just run forever. Current Challenge: #24 - Mrs. Cosmopolite Challenge Past: #1, #2, #3, #4, #5, #6, #7, #8, #9, #10, #11a & #11b, #12, #13, #14, #15, #16, #17, #18, #19, #20, #21, #22, #23 Link to comment
Harriet Posted January 9 Report Share Posted January 9 7 hours ago, sarakingdom said: Unless you're into Russian Ukrainian Santa. With his yeti and his swords. Well yeah, as santas go he's pretty fit. But then I love blocky sworded bearded dudes with heavy coats with furry collars. I have no idea who this is though. Quote Let cheese and oxen and mead crowd out our secret desires for power and domination - Harriet the Viking Just be bold, fluid and unapologetic, not small, hairy and indecisive - Harriet the Artist You can absorb me! - Harriet the Contextless Guru Link to comment
sarakingdom Posted January 9 Author Report Share Posted January 9 4 hours ago, Harriet said: Well yeah, as santas go he's pretty fit. But then I love blocky sworded bearded dudes with heavy coats with furry collars. I have no idea who this is though. Santa from Rise of the Guardians. He is pretty fit as Santas go, although making this observation last challenge led to the first time I've ever had to deny being knocked up by the anthropomorphic personification of Northern European winter festivals. Though, honestly, would date for access to that kickass workshop and sword training. Hrm, cookies. I need to make cookies. That'd be in keeping with my challenge. A wide variety of cookies. Many ginger snaps. 4 Quote I felt like I could run forever, like I could smell the wind and feel the grass under my feet, and just run forever. Current Challenge: #24 - Mrs. Cosmopolite Challenge Past: #1, #2, #3, #4, #5, #6, #7, #8, #9, #10, #11a & #11b, #12, #13, #14, #15, #16, #17, #18, #19, #20, #21, #22, #23 Link to comment
sarakingdom Posted January 9 Author Report Share Posted January 9 Week 2 Day 1 Challenge tasks: Spend an hour doing something fun: Christmas movie Make something pretty, fun, or festive: flourless chocolate cake Bonus making: a few rows of a bigger pepeppermint-swirl crochet project Bonus making: cranberry muffins Drink 4 liters with electrolytes: 3/4 Exercise breaks: 1 Support tasks: Single task: hypertonic saline sinus rinse 4 Quote I felt like I could run forever, like I could smell the wind and feel the grass under my feet, and just run forever. Current Challenge: #24 - Mrs. Cosmopolite Challenge Past: #1, #2, #3, #4, #5, #6, #7, #8, #9, #10, #11a & #11b, #12, #13, #14, #15, #16, #17, #18, #19, #20, #21, #22, #23 Link to comment
Mistr Posted January 9 Report Share Posted January 9 On 1/7/2023 at 11:43 AM, sarakingdom said: WHY DOES GROCERY-BUYING ME ALWAYS BUY STUPID VEGETABLES AND STUPID CHICKEN AND STUPID RESPONSIBLE THINGS AND NEVER A HUGE BAG OF CHOCOLATE I believe that the answer is to think of chocolate as essential mental health supplies. Or possibly craft materials. Not groceries. Says the person with a 10 lb bag of 55% chocolate callets in her pantry. On 1/7/2023 at 7:29 PM, sarakingdom said: I was gonna make white chocolate truffles with it, since I can't make actual white chocolate without dried milk, and I'm just not gonna buy a supply of that right now. But I can probably do a standard truffle in white chocolate form. Does white chocolate have to contain milk? I thought it was primarily cocoa butter and sugar. A little vanilla might be nice, but I don't see why you would need dry milk for most applications. 3 hours ago, sarakingdom said: Hrm, cookies. I need to make cookies. That'd be in keeping with my challenge. A wide variety of cookies. Many ginger snaps. I have an excellent ginger snap recipe. I can vouch that it works with oat flour. Although the cookies did come out thinner than expected. Needs more testing and probably another 1/2 cup of oat flour. 2 Quote Level 71 Viking paladin My current challenge Battle log Link to comment
Kishi Posted January 9 Report Share Posted January 9 37 minutes ago, Mistr said: Does white chocolate have to contain milk? I thought it was primarily cocoa butter and sugar. A little vanilla might be nice, but I don't see why you would need dry milk for most applications. I know I've seen nondairy white chocolate bars at the grocery store, so clearly a process exists. Quote Work like a farmer, train like an athlete, fight like a soldier. 2 Tim. 2:3-6 BATTLE! Link to comment
sarakingdom Posted January 9 Author Report Share Posted January 9 1 hour ago, Mistr said: I believe that the answer is to think of chocolate as essential mental health supplies. Or possibly craft materials. Not groceries. Says the person with a 10 lb bag of 55% chocolate callets in her pantry. The sort of chocolate that fits my macros is kind of expensive, and also sort of a chore these days. I don't really feel like choking down any more 90% lately. 1 hour ago, Mistr said: Does white chocolate have to contain milk? I thought it was primarily cocoa butter and sugar. A little vanilla might be nice, but I don't see why you would need dry milk for most applications. 24 minutes ago, Kishi said: I know I've seen nondairy white chocolate bars at the grocery store, so clearly a process exists. It has to have a milk of some sort. Straight cocoa butter would crack a tooth. It's usually the same proportion as milk chocolate, I believe, about 50% cocoa solids, max. But that milk has to be powdered, because water makes chocolate sieze, and you get at best a truffle. Maybe a ganache. Not a solid bar. 1 hour ago, Mistr said: I have an excellent ginger snap recipe. I can vouch that it works with oat flour. Although the cookies did come out thinner than expected. Needs more testing and probably another 1/2 cup of oat flour. I tend to have a low level celiac reaction to oats, unfortunately. I'll probably be going for almond flour for macros. I'm halfway through the flourless chocolate cake cupcakes, though. That will help. 1 Quote I felt like I could run forever, like I could smell the wind and feel the grass under my feet, and just run forever. Current Challenge: #24 - Mrs. Cosmopolite Challenge Past: #1, #2, #3, #4, #5, #6, #7, #8, #9, #10, #11a & #11b, #12, #13, #14, #15, #16, #17, #18, #19, #20, #21, #22, #23 Link to comment
sarakingdom Posted January 9 Author Report Share Posted January 9 I haven't done much cooking today, and I'm already so done. Like, I made an easy breakfast and one batch of cupcakes, and I can't face the idea of making more food. Although the oven is on, and I could throw some chicken into it. That's part of a meal. I should batch-package some cheese plate meals to grab quickly. Also I need to figure out a way to make bland generic cheese taste more like good cheese. I think there's a recipe for, like, pub cheese that's made of all the cheese ends and some mustard and some booze, and it's like a thick cuttable cheese spread. Like cheese fudge. That'd probably do the job. 3 Quote I felt like I could run forever, like I could smell the wind and feel the grass under my feet, and just run forever. Current Challenge: #24 - Mrs. Cosmopolite Challenge Past: #1, #2, #3, #4, #5, #6, #7, #8, #9, #10, #11a & #11b, #12, #13, #14, #15, #16, #17, #18, #19, #20, #21, #22, #23 Link to comment
sarakingdom Posted January 10 Author Report Share Posted January 10 Ugh, I have had less than half the calories I need, and I'm all out of ideas and cooking mojo. I can maybe manage the ganache glaze for my flourless chocolate cake and up that number a little bit, but... okay, hot cocoa, that'd help... I still need like 400 more calories. That's a whole damn meal. I can't even. 5 Quote I felt like I could run forever, like I could smell the wind and feel the grass under my feet, and just run forever. Current Challenge: #24 - Mrs. Cosmopolite Challenge Past: #1, #2, #3, #4, #5, #6, #7, #8, #9, #10, #11a & #11b, #12, #13, #14, #15, #16, #17, #18, #19, #20, #21, #22, #23 Link to comment
sarakingdom Posted January 10 Author Report Share Posted January 10 Week 2 Day 2 Let's see. I've sorta got the decorations and IMs. I'm working on the movies and the hot drinks. I still have some gifts to wrap; I was just thinking last night that I need cosier, warmer clothes; my sleep needs work (working on it!), and I am not sledding with a yeti. Challenge tasks: Spend an hour doing something fun: Christmas movie Make something pretty, fun, or festive: cranberry muffins Bonus making: a few rows of a bigger pepeppermint-swirl crochet project Drink 4 liters with electrolytes: 2/4 Exercise breaks: 0 Meditation breaks: 1 Support tasks: Noon hydration check-in 9pm hydration check-in Make a warm nest Get a straw for hydration Get a water thing Work on the sleep thermos situation Humidify Winter goals: Hibernate (in progress) Break out the coziest clothes (in progress) Wrap more gifts Sled with a yeti I was just thinking last night that I should overdose on cozy clothes. It was when I realized that I could not indulge in a long therapeutic soak. WHY DO I NOT HAVE A SAUNA. But I do have lots of sweaters and quilts, so I can nest cozily. Project Sleep is advancing, but I'm not being aggressive enough on my hydration. Also, I'm letting my brain get too tired before I go to bed, and it's spinning out. I've put hydration checkpoints in for today, but somehow I need to devise rest checkpoints. 4 Quote I felt like I could run forever, like I could smell the wind and feel the grass under my feet, and just run forever. Current Challenge: #24 - Mrs. Cosmopolite Challenge Past: #1, #2, #3, #4, #5, #6, #7, #8, #9, #10, #11a & #11b, #12, #13, #14, #15, #16, #17, #18, #19, #20, #21, #22, #23 Link to comment
Rurik Harrgath Posted January 10 Report Share Posted January 10 19 hours ago, sarakingdom said: Ugh, I have had less than half the calories I need, and I'm all out of ideas and cooking mojo. I can maybe manage the ganache glaze for my flourless chocolate cake and up that number a little bit, but... okay, hot cocoa, that'd help... I still need like 400 more calories Sounds to me like that hot cocoa needs some Irish cream I'm trying to convince myself that dark chocolate will help with my nightly protein mug brownie moistness, but that might just be me coping haha Quote [Level ??] Rurik, the Wayfinder Class: Gloomfall Gunslinger (Artificer/Gunslinger) BRUTALITY 11 | FINESSE 10 | VIGOR 11 | INSIGHT 14 | WILL 13 Equipment: The Alchemist greatcoat armor, Longshot adventuring rifle, Slicer & Dicer dual blades, with adventurer's pack containing an alchemist's kit. "Rangers have to at least give up on pants. It's a special rule we enacted after Rurik became a Guild Leader.” – DarK_RaideR "Did I just get my ass kicked by a member of Metallica meets History Channel's Vikings?" - Wild Wolf "By the Well-Oiled-and-Meticulously-Groomed Beard of Rurik!" - Tanktimus the Encourager Link to comment
sarakingdom Posted January 10 Author Report Share Posted January 10 9 minutes ago, Rurik Harrgath said: Sounds to me like that hot cocoa needs some Irish cream I am trying to develop a festive booze habit, and it's not working. I've had three drinks in the past two months. Strong drinks, but, like, three. So much for eggnog and mulled wine on tap. More eggnog would help the calorie balance, though. I could even claim *checks notes* it's a healthy part of a low carb carnivore diet? Seems credible. 10 minutes ago, Rurik Harrgath said: I'm trying to convince myself that dark chocolate will help with my nightly protein mug brownie moistness, but that might just be me coping haha Probably, yes. But you know what the right thing to do is... experiment. You need to try it for science. 1 Quote I felt like I could run forever, like I could smell the wind and feel the grass under my feet, and just run forever. Current Challenge: #24 - Mrs. Cosmopolite Challenge Past: #1, #2, #3, #4, #5, #6, #7, #8, #9, #10, #11a & #11b, #12, #13, #14, #15, #16, #17, #18, #19, #20, #21, #22, #23 Link to comment
sarakingdom Posted January 10 Author Report Share Posted January 10 My sleep deficit is not huge, but I am exhausted. I just did some meditation, and really wanted to curl up and go to sleep afterwards. Sadly, my hibernation philosophy is not that enlightened, but I can have warm quilts in my work nest, so I'm going to get those. Also, my cozy warm sweater is very nice. I haven't exactly been cold lately, but I think I have been not optimally warm. I am choosing to believe that is not a restful choice. Maybe it's, I dunno, driving adrenaline or something. Anyway, warmth is good. More winter hibernation coziness. 5 Quote I felt like I could run forever, like I could smell the wind and feel the grass under my feet, and just run forever. Current Challenge: #24 - Mrs. Cosmopolite Challenge Past: #1, #2, #3, #4, #5, #6, #7, #8, #9, #10, #11a & #11b, #12, #13, #14, #15, #16, #17, #18, #19, #20, #21, #22, #23 Link to comment
sarakingdom Posted January 11 Author Report Share Posted January 11 Ugh, I can't even. I'm totally out of even for the day. I can manage to make one more meal, and that's probably it. I have many little things to do, and I just cannot. Maybe I will eat and drink and I can do one or two. Maybe. 2 Quote I felt like I could run forever, like I could smell the wind and feel the grass under my feet, and just run forever. Current Challenge: #24 - Mrs. Cosmopolite Challenge Past: #1, #2, #3, #4, #5, #6, #7, #8, #9, #10, #11a & #11b, #12, #13, #14, #15, #16, #17, #18, #19, #20, #21, #22, #23 Link to comment
ChrisWithaStick Posted January 11 Report Share Posted January 11 On 1/9/2023 at 2:29 PM, sarakingdom said: It has to have a milk of some sort. Straight cocoa butter would crack a tooth. It's usually the same proportion as milk chocolate, I believe, about 50% cocoa solids, max. But that milk has to be powdered, because water makes chocolate sieze, and you get at best a truffle. Maybe a ganache. Not a solid bar. I was curious as I've also seen and tried a rice based white chocolate, so I looked up some things. Some of the vegan sites were making what I'd consider a variation of almond or cashew bark, or maybe a nut and cocoa butter praline. I did see some white chocolate that used tapioca starch and dehydrated rice syrup. I'd not be surprised if there was something with powdered rice milk, and some kind of soft fat to soften the cocoa butter. I don't think I've seen a white chocolate much over 30% cocoa solids - maybe 35? I know different companies have been pushing the cocoa solids content of some milk chocolate though - 40-45% I still like, it's usually less sweet. I've had higher than that, and didn't really care for it, but that might also be a matter of needing to re-calibrate expectations. 1 Quote Human | Plays with Sticks | Monkish Leanings | Rangerish Overtones Occasionally Updated Facebook Link to comment
sarakingdom Posted January 11 Author Report Share Posted January 11 51 minutes ago, ChrisWithaStick said: I was curious as I've also seen and tried a rice based white chocolate, so I looked up some things. Some of the vegan sites were making what I'd consider a variation of almond or cashew bark, or maybe a nut and cocoa butter praline. I did see some white chocolate that used tapioca starch and dehydrated rice syrup. I'd not be surprised if there was something with powdered rice milk, and some kind of soft fat to soften the cocoa butter. I don't think I've seen a white chocolate much over 30% cocoa solids - maybe 35? I know different companies have been pushing the cocoa solids content of some milk chocolate though - 40-45% I still like, it's usually less sweet. I've had higher than that, and didn't really care for it, but that might also be a matter of needing to re-calibrate expectations. I know 50% is an overestimate, but it's a pretty safe upper bound. I tend to ballpark standard dark at 55%, milk chocolate around 45% cocoa solids, and white chocolate has at least that milk content. Maybe a bit more to make up for the extracted cocoa powder, otherwise the texture would be more crayon than chocolate, so 35% makes sense. Cocoa butter is a really hard fat. (White chocolate is often pretty crisp compared to milk, though, so they may not replace it all with milk powder. No, they must... milk powder is so much cheaper. They'd never not max out the cheapest ingredients, unless it overwhelms the flavor.) I guess I'll look up a truffle recipe for dark chocolate and try that with the cocoa butter and a little vanilla. It'll probably end up harder at room temperature, since my cocoa butter to liquid ratio will be twice as high, but I'm okay with that. It's more the direction I want. What I want is white chocolate, I'm just too lazy/cheap to make more ingredients happen when I can do "good enough". (And I'd need molds, and powdered sweeteners... better to half-ass white chocolate truffles, pretend that's what I meant to do, and call it a day.) Quote I felt like I could run forever, like I could smell the wind and feel the grass under my feet, and just run forever. Current Challenge: #24 - Mrs. Cosmopolite Challenge Past: #1, #2, #3, #4, #5, #6, #7, #8, #9, #10, #11a & #11b, #12, #13, #14, #15, #16, #17, #18, #19, #20, #21, #22, #23 Link to comment
sarakingdom Posted January 11 Author Report Share Posted January 11 Week 2 Day 3 Project Sleep is now making me angrier than I have ever been. Mostly between midnight and 5am, which is when I lie awake, angry, after doing all the right things, then trying all the things, and still every possible sleep impediment impedes me. By 4am, I was ready for murder-suicide pacts. This sleep disruption is not sustainable, and ruins my day whether I make up the sleep or not, and I've reached beyond pissed off about it, and, like Vetinari, wish to spread my displeasure very, very democratically indeed. It is possible I'm doing the five stages of grief in reverse, and the five stages of sleep disruption are, like, acceptance, bargaining, anger, anger, and white-hot anger. I'm thinking this might be a stress reduction day. Challenge tasks: Spend an hour doing something fun: Christmas movie Make something pretty, fun, or festive: cranberry muffins Bonus making: a few rows of a bigger pepeppermint-swirl crochet project Drink 4 liters with electrolytes: 1/4 Exercise breaks: 0 Meditation breaks: 0 Support tasks: Noon hydration check-in 4pm hydration check-in 9pm hydration check-in Make a warm nest Fix evening routine timers Winter goals: Hibernate (in progress) Break out the coziest clothes (in progress) Wrap more gifts Sled with a yeti 1 4 Quote I felt like I could run forever, like I could smell the wind and feel the grass under my feet, and just run forever. Current Challenge: #24 - Mrs. Cosmopolite Challenge Past: #1, #2, #3, #4, #5, #6, #7, #8, #9, #10, #11a & #11b, #12, #13, #14, #15, #16, #17, #18, #19, #20, #21, #22, #23 Link to comment
Harriet Posted January 11 Report Share Posted January 11 7 minutes ago, sarakingdom said: Week 2 Day 3 Project Sleep is now making me angrier than I have ever been. Mostly between midnight and 5am, which is when I lie awake, angry, after doing all the right things, then trying all the things, and still every possible sleep impediment impedes me. By 4am, I was ready for murder-suicide pacts. This sleep disruption is not sustainable, and ruins my day whether I make up the sleep or not, and I've reached beyond pissed off about it, and, like Vetinari, wish to spread my displeasure very, very democratically indeed. It is possible I'm doing the five stages of grief in reverse, and the five stages of sleep disruption are, like, acceptance, bargaining, anger, anger, and white-hot anger. I'm very sorry. Perhaps the sleep results are not a direct one-to-one with the forceful application of skill and correct steps? I can sympathise because I spent my entire life with bad sleep until recently. I would sometimes even be angry at Mr Harriet for falling asleep easily. I'd lie in bed for 2 hours, only for him to come in and fall asleep after minutes -- I'd hear the change in his breathing. And then even if I would fall asleep, I would often wake up multiple times, sometimes for an hour or more. Only fixed it recently and it's still a surprise. Falling asleep in under 30 minutes is quite new for me, as is sleeping in one continuous block. Hard to believe some people do it all the time. Quote Let cheese and oxen and mead crowd out our secret desires for power and domination - Harriet the Viking Just be bold, fluid and unapologetic, not small, hairy and indecisive - Harriet the Artist You can absorb me! - Harriet the Contextless Guru Link to comment
Mistr Posted January 11 Report Share Posted January 11 You are inspiring me to make truffles. I picked up some heavy cream to make a ganache-based frosting, only to learn that Dumbledore prefers buttercream. That only used half a cup of cream. I certainly don't want to waste three quarters of a bottle of organic heavy cream, right? Your sleep struggles sound terribly frustrating. I remember you worked with two session sleep before. Have you decided that did not work for you? I am a fan of amaretto in my hot chocolate. You could also add protein powder to make it hit more of your macros. The chocolate and booze will cover up a lot of other flavors. 1 Quote Level 71 Viking paladin My current challenge Battle log Link to comment
Rurik Harrgath Posted January 11 Report Share Posted January 11 On 1/10/2023 at 4:34 PM, sarakingdom said: I am trying to develop a festive booze habit, and it's not working. I've had three drinks in the past two months. Strong drinks, but, like, three. So much for eggnog and mulled wine on tap. More eggnog would help the calorie balance, though. I could even claim *checks notes* it's a healthy part of a low carb carnivore diet? Seems credible. I polished off a small bottle of amaretto over the holiday, and that was about the most liquor (other than beer, I suppose... but that's nourishment) I've had in years! 1 Quote [Level ??] Rurik, the Wayfinder Class: Gloomfall Gunslinger (Artificer/Gunslinger) BRUTALITY 11 | FINESSE 10 | VIGOR 11 | INSIGHT 14 | WILL 13 Equipment: The Alchemist greatcoat armor, Longshot adventuring rifle, Slicer & Dicer dual blades, with adventurer's pack containing an alchemist's kit. "Rangers have to at least give up on pants. It's a special rule we enacted after Rurik became a Guild Leader.” – DarK_RaideR "Did I just get my ass kicked by a member of Metallica meets History Channel's Vikings?" - Wild Wolf "By the Well-Oiled-and-Meticulously-Groomed Beard of Rurik!" - Tanktimus the Encourager Link to comment
sarakingdom Posted January 12 Author Report Share Posted January 12 Tonight I did a small but annoying job that had been lingering, ate food I heated but did not cook, and am now going to eat a ridiculous amount of chocolate. I may do a thing. But I don't care. 6 hours ago, Mistr said: Your sleep struggles sound terribly frustrating. I remember you worked with two session sleep before. Have you decided that did not work for you? I'm a little more stuck in standard schedule in theory, but I'm becoming tempted. At the very least, a few days of rebellious midnight festivities when I can't sleep is tempting. 4 1 Quote I felt like I could run forever, like I could smell the wind and feel the grass under my feet, and just run forever. Current Challenge: #24 - Mrs. Cosmopolite Challenge Past: #1, #2, #3, #4, #5, #6, #7, #8, #9, #10, #11a & #11b, #12, #13, #14, #15, #16, #17, #18, #19, #20, #21, #22, #23 Link to comment
sarakingdom Posted January 12 Author Report Share Posted January 12 WWJD? 03xsomething Rise Janeway would: Waste energy on helping random passersby. I hope their energy is renewable. A solar ship. It's not, is it. Power pose. All the time. I need to learn that. Risk her crew on these damn random aliens. Nice of her, but not very smart. Very Starfleet, I guess. Disappear for most of the episode. More power posing. God, that's hot. Risk her ship for the random aliens. What happens: Spoiler Just because these are middle-aged mediocre white dude aliens in sober suits doesn't mean they're lying to her about something important for their own gain, but it is somewhat suggestive. Their missing scientist is all, "This deadly natural phenomena is unnatural! I found zzzzzzz zzzz I'm breaking up before I can incriminate someone." The annoying yellow schmuck wants to impress Tuvok. Yeah, that'll work. Oh dear, Tuvok, the yellow schmuck, and an alien red shirt diplomat are crashing, so this is going to be a Tuvok/yellow schmuck buddy action plot. The missing scientist finds them crashed and cops attitude about giving them classified info. Which is smart, but not efficient. So the basic plot is "climb the broken space elevator to wave a rescue flag or wait to be smashed by falling rocks", while Tuvok babysits the annoying yellow schmuck and a lot of untrustworthy aliens. ...and an unexpected and very aggressive lady with a knife. Who wants to kill the annoying yellow schmuck. Normally I'd say she should go ahead, but he's the one fixing the space elevator. The yellow schmuck recruits her after she's very clear that she will not share her survival supplies. On the ship, Belanna and Chakotay discover the fake asteroids are part of an electronic targeting system. Hey, they needed a line this episode. On the ground, we have a fixing montage. With annoying yellow schmuck backstory. The very aggressive lady shares some of her supplies with the annoying yellow schmuck. One story about a dead sister and that water is anyone's. Tuvok tells him off pretty hard for spending more time chatting than fixing. The untrustworthy scientist tries to launch the space elevator early and leave everyone behind, which, oops, will make the thing collapse and kill them. It's too late to stop it, so they all go early. See, yellow schmuck, you should have been fixing, not talking. They have sparks and low oxygen and unstable velocity and, like, risk of free fall? The yellow schmuck fixes it. This is apparently an episode about how he isn't a pointless jealous inadequacy. He has not yet fixed the oxygen, the hull, or the automatic steering. It is now that Tuvok learns the yellow schmuck worked on space elevator models, not actual ones. Because he is, in fact, a pointless jealous inadequacy. All the aliens have picked this moment to independently want to throw the scientist out the window. Hard to blame them, but, honestly, guys, you'd lose more oxygen defenestrating him than you'd save. Now some buff dude is all, "who put you in charge, bitch" to Tuvok, who has a very logical answer, which is "my captain, your ambassador and these superior Vulcan fists, man". Dude tries him. It doesn't go well for the dude. There is a strange officer on the Voyager bridge. Like a guest cameo. Tuvok is the only one who can breathe cuz he also has superior Vulcan lungs, and shoots everyone full of Amok Time drugs to oxygenate them. The yellow schmuck very sensibly goes, "I'd better show you how to pilot this for when I pass out, then." And the untrustworthy scientist tries to defenestrate himself out of claustrophobia and oxygen deprivation. My dude, you could have done this a few scenes earlier when they wanted they wanted toss you out and saved us all the time. Look, I don't know how I feel about someone so repeatedly making the yellow jerk look like the brave, sensible one. Tuvok stops him, but the guy is all, "you don't understand, there's something on the wing out there. On the wing roof." Then he dies. Tuvok is all, "Murdered. By poison. In his water. One of you assholes did it. I'll figure it out later. That's my damn job." Buff dude is all insubordinate again, because having his alpha dudebro masculinity trounced by a beta Vulcan soyboy was not humiliating enough the first time. Neelix is all, "yah, but I listened to that scientist, and, uh, we gotta stop our ascent now". Tuvok is all, "that bitch was crazy". Neelix is all, "yeah, crazy with worry... uh, sane worry". Then he wrecks it all with, "I dunno, but I got a funny feeling," and Tuvok, being both Vulcan and Tuvok, is all, "I do not care at all about your feelings". That stupid yellow schmuck decides he's gonna have a pissing contest with Tuvok and make him listen, and stops the space elevator despite Tuvok's very sensible stance that they can't risk destabilising their technobabble space elevator mojo again. Tuvok goes, "You're too emotional, we are not continuing this conversation." Yellow schmuck is all, "Me? You're the emotional one, hiding all that contempt and sarcasm, and I can't stand it." Tuvok is like, "...where is this coming from, man," and knife lady is like, "no, he's right, you're a critical dismissive bitch to him." Cuz they've bonded, see. And Tuvok is standing there thinking, "Spare me these paranoid alien fuckpuffins." But out loud he calmly corrects her, too. Neelix decides now is the right time to unload three years of grievances about how Tuvok has hated him for three years and he's tolerated it because Tuvok is smarter and better and he admires him, but he's still shitty with real people. This does not convince Tuvok that it's logical to stop the space elevator. So Neelix goes on strike. And won't move it till someone checks the roof. Everyone refuses to go, cuz, like, they're up really high and it's scary. See, they agree in theory, but now they don't wanna. Tuvok is like, "I'm the logical one to go, I can breathe that sorry excuse for air". "I'm looking for Mr Neelix's instinct. Perhaps it will be marked." Do not enter a snark-off with a Vulcan. You will lose. Neelix admits to knife lady that he really likes Tuvok, and just wishes Tuvok liked him. Tuvok finds a huge 1990s flash drive. And then gets thrown overboard by the dumpy assistant red shirt diplomat. Oops. Dumpy diplomat has the phaser and the flash drive and goes in to threaten everyone, but Tuvok is secretly clinging to the side of the ship, cuz beta Vulcan soyboys are always underestimated. Shouldn't have punched out Neelix, dumpy diplomat. Can't drive now, can he? Some alien invaders threaten to shoot through Janeway to take the planet and sarcastically call her a very loyal friend if she's willing to die for them, so she goes to battle stations. Okay, like, admittedly, there are not many Starfleet options here, but the dude with the pastel head has a point. You just met these guys forty minutes ago or something. This is pretty far to go on a first date. Normally you don't volunteer to die for people until the third date. Neelix wakes up to shouting traitors who can't get the space elevator going and sees a wounded Tuvok trying to get in the airlock, so he opens it, and Tuvok is the only one who can breathe while everyone else tries not to get sucked out. Tuvok throws out the dumpy diplomat and treats Neelix. Hopefully the dumpy diplomat left behind the flash drive. Tuvok is all, "Solved the murder, guys". Neelix has to save the day, but he's all wounded and can't do it, so Tuvok motivates him emotionally, cuz he knows what makes emotional species tick. Voyager is all, "Shields up! Red alert! Fire stuff at things!" Tuvok's team is all, "A little help here?" Buff dude tries to hug Tuvok. He has apparently learned healthy masculinity in the past five minutes. Tuvok don't play that. That is non-consensual touching. Janeway manages to beam them aboard and get them to the bridge in zero seconds, and Tuvok is all, "So you won't believe what's on this flash drive, it's conveniently the location of their womp rat that we can shoot from our X-wing". And Janeway is all, "Ten-four, good buddy, use the force." Neelix infodumps knife lady with the pretty obvious plot details about how this was the story of a traitor helping an invasion force. Someone gave her a swanky silk dress in the middle of all this battle. (Mostly her role seems to have been to break up the sausagefest in the action plot, but I'm not sure why neither neither scientist nor the beefy Marine could have been female, though I concede Star Trek was unlikely to do the latter, especially as he was the red herring villain and not likely to bond with Neelix, and both the other men in that group died, which they may not have wanted. Still, there are interesting options there.) Tuvok is all, "I put in for a commendation for you, but one day you'll understand logic is better than instinct." They banter against his will. That is non-consensual banter. And this all is why you never trust a mediocre middle-aged white business dude. They're always stanning for the authoritarians. Voyager knew what was what. 4 Quote I felt like I could run forever, like I could smell the wind and feel the grass under my feet, and just run forever. Current Challenge: #24 - Mrs. Cosmopolite Challenge Past: #1, #2, #3, #4, #5, #6, #7, #8, #9, #10, #11a & #11b, #12, #13, #14, #15, #16, #17, #18, #19, #20, #21, #22, #23 Link to comment
sarakingdom Posted January 12 Author Report Share Posted January 12 WWJD? 03xsomething Favorite Son Janeway would: Translate from Vulcan speak for slow ensigns who don't speak Tuvokian. End a fight she didn't start. Well, technically she did, I guess, but it wasn't her fault. Use diplomacy. Not leave a crewmember behind. Again. Rely on her first officer a lot in this one. What happens: Spoiler Chakotay in command, doin' the science. Harry has deja vu, so this is clearly a time loop episode. We are now twenty seconds in. A ship hails them. Dude looks a bit like an oyster. Harry is all, "That ship is going to fire on us!" I guess he realises it's a time loop episode, too. Tuvok is all, "Who's the defense dude here, you or me? It's me." So Harry reroutes weapons to his station, raises Voyager shields, and fires on the oyster dude. Guys, I've worked out why Harry never gets promoted on this show. But well played, time loop writers. Pretty genre savvy. Space battle! Janeway relieves Harry, who's being super unreliable. Harry is super confident oyster dude was a baddie when they interrogate him. Going for the insanity defense, I see. Also, Chakotay is like the chillest first officer ever. Janeway is very disappointed. And has security escort him to sickbay. Her disappointment is tangible. Sickbay has trouble reviving Belanna, who was injured in Harry's fight, and Harry feels guilty, and is like, "Oops, maybe I was the bad guy?" Harry has guilt dreams, and his mother is there, and there's soup, and he confuses Janeway and his mom in a weird Freudian thing. Then he wakes up with suspicious henna face tattoos. The EMH is like, "just a rash, nothing really" and Harry is all, "but is it the kind of nothing that'd make me have a psychological breakdown?", and the EMH is like, "be more precise," and Harry is all, "the insubordinate murderous kind", and the EMH is all, "um... I'll look into it". Then Belanna wakes up and wants to know what fell on her. Harry's all, "I'm super sorry," and she's like, "Hey, man, I dig adventure. Cute face tattoo, Spotty." Harry goes to turn himself in for crimes against Starfleet, and Janeway's like, "Not so fast, kid, you were right about them charging weapons after all". Harry is also pretty genre-savvy, and has read enough Starfleet mission reports to have a huuuuge list of weird possibilities for his deja vu, including alternate realities, alien telepathy, and space-time anomalies. More oyster ships come for them, but the ship is damaged, and Harry finds them a hidey hole due to his vast deja vu knowledge of this region of space. Harry recognizes a planet, and a new ship comes from it and rescues them, and sends a big "welcome home!" message for Harry, cuz he's supposedly one of them. The whole planet is made up of promiscuous young women. And a few older ones who are like, "Yeah, we send our embryos to other worlds and implant them in local women like your mom. It's not pervy or full of consent issues, we just, uh..." Tom Paris, who was not initially the guy you'd expect this of, is pretty shocked at Harry getting touchy-feely with these girls. (It's cool, they talk with their hands. It's not pervy or full of consent issues, they just, uh...) Even Voyager's bad boys understand this is not the show for their casual patriarchal objectification, and they are bad boys within the context of gender-swapped roles, where the women are all the assertive command types, and the men are all the supportive, nurturing-masculinity figures. But seriously, guys, this planet is pervy and full of consent issues. Consent issues and 1998 mail order catalog models. The population is 90% female, because this is the sort of "planet ruled by women" fantasy that fanboys apparently have, the ones where there are nine women to every very in-demand male. Very 1950s sci-fi adventure magazine. There will be harems servicing the precious men, I am certain. Pretty sure the combination of consent problems and anti-feminist matriarchy are the two big clues that something is very wrong on this planet, and we're not supposed to trust these very nice Lands End sweater models. Apparently the oyster dudes try to destroy all the returning Gap models. The EMH has some technobabble about, essentially, epigenetic and reactivating DNA, so probably Harry is also an alien J Crew model. I've always thought so. Janeway goes to negotiate with the oysters without Harry around, since it's catalog models they hate. Harry and another Banana Republic male model sit around chatting about how great their new lives are while lots of young women paw them and serve them and... wave weird devices at them, which is less innocuous-seeming. Look, no planet that works like James Kirk's wet dream is supposed to be a good thing on Voyager. The last guy who got away with this is Riker, and that was a decade before this, and he got better. The devices are apparently "mood enhancers". Harry's more prudish modern Starfleet training kicks in, and he turns down the mind altering technodrugs. Then he learns that dudes on this planet get a ton of wives at once, and his friend the Abercrombie and Fitch model will be getting together with his first three wives that night. I said there would be harems. Seriously, Kirk would love this action. Harry starts remembering how much his human parents loved him. Some chick is rubbing all over him and talking about restrictive his uniform seems. A lot of porn starts this way. Janeway finds the oyster people very nice and reasonable, apart from firing on every JC Penney model they see, and they suggest that leaving the planet with Harry is not a problem the ship will ever have to worry about. And it looks like they're right, cuz they go back to pick him up, and there's a shield around the planet and no one is taking their calls. Harry goes to a very PG-rated Eyes Wide Shut marriage ceremony of his pal and his pal's first three wives. Uh, I was joking, but now there's blindfolds and bondage and body paint. On the plus side, I'm taking notes for a proper matriarchal marriage ceremony. Harry tries to call home, while all the LL Bean models share a knowing look. Janeway and Chakotay do a walk and talk on tactics, and then the EMH is all, "So in light of how sketch these chicks are, I checked my math, and he's totally human, but, like, that's a limited time offer. Sorry, totally missed that before. Not a problem, right?" Harry picks up the weirdest diseases on away missions. Janeway and Chakotay note how pervy and lacking in consent the whole "seduce and kidnap" tactic this planet pulled on Harry is. They literally call out the consent problem. Harry asks some clingy preppy model to tuck him into bed, and has to explain how human parents tuck their children into bed. We're still on the weird Freudian mother issues here. She drugs him, and he has weird dreams, which again seem to confuse Janeway with both his mom and the teen Lands End models. Then he dreams of blindfolds and freaks out, and wakes up with two girls all over him. He's like, "I wanna be alone, I'm so Starfleet, we don't do this self-indulgent shit," and they're like, "can't fight your genetics, baby," and Harry's all, "I can try, back off and let me brood manfully". Then the girls are like, "marry us, then you only need one more wife," and he's like, "no, I'm not getting married," and they're all, "Are fucking stupid? That's the only point of you." And he's like, "I'm going back to Voyager," and vaults over furniture to get away, and they're all, "what about duty and loyalty, bitch?" and he's all, "But that's for Voyager and my human parents," and they change his mind with kissing. He starts talking marriage, then ties them up with the marriage bondage straps like he's suddenly suspiciously into it. Oh my god, these girls are used to really, really horny and easily led men, because they are being outsmarted by the dumbest dodge ever. To be fair, their plan would totally have worked on Kirk. And Riker. Troi would have rolled her eyes at how stupid he was. So would everyone who's met Kirk. So really, Harry is very lucky that he knows how to take orders from smart women and not objectify them for his own enjoyment. The second girl figures out it's a trick before she gets tied up. She is smarter than her friend. She tries to untie her friend, so Harry brains her with a statue to knock her out. But he apologizes politely. This is a weird episode, guys. Harry is wearing a super cool dress in this episode. Tunic. Dress. It's ambiguous. But more dudes should wear that. He goes to find his friend the Abercrombie and Fitch model for help. He is dead. Very, very dead. Sucked dry like a blindfolded mummy on his marriage bed. This is what happens when you ignore red flags about consent. One of his wives - widows - walks in, and Harry's like, "What the hell, bitch?" I mean, with some sort of weapon he picks up, they're not having tea and cucumber sandwiches. And she's like, "Can't make babies without eating your mate, dude. It's good enough for praying mantises. And some types of spider. Also, we totally kidnap random men. It's like Spock's brain, only it's not your brain we want, and also everything is a tasteful beige." And Harry's all, "It was all a pack of lies! Noooo!" So he takes her as a hostage to help him find a phone, only he has the worst timing and the other two black widows show up. So he runs. But he's valuable property. See, this is what happens when you think a little objectification won't hurt. It's all fun and games when you think it's good old patriarchal objectification, and then you're dinner for a bunch of spider women. Chakotay gives Janeway his plan to find Harry, and she's like, "doesn't give us much time to find him," and he shrugs and is all, "I'm that good". He'd better be, cuz lots of Macy's models with bamboo staffs are cornering Harry and a ship is coming for Voyager. Seriously, I'm all for people going after their partner with a jo in a consenting relationship, but this is not the way. These girls make the rest of us look bad. They forcibly go after him with the body paint and the blindfolds and the marriage gongs, and lots of prodding weapons. (What is it with Star Trek matriarchies and marriage gongs? Vulcans have those, too.) This is fortunately when Voyager beams him out. So Voyager flees with the Old Navy models behind them and a bunch of oyster people ships in front of them. Janeway's plan is to have them fight each other and slip away in the crossfire, which is honestly a good plan. Harry has returned to normal and is telling Neelix about Odysseus and the sirens, which... not a strong analogy, dude, but points for paying attention in literature class and sharing your culture with tedious yellow jerks. Tom Paris has never seen women more beautiful, which is odd, because he does not seem like "preppy 1990s co-ed" is his type. Harry's all, "What I miss about it is being more like you, Tom. All confident with women and stuff." Tom is like, "Ooh, bad call, there might be prison time involved in being like me. Actually, I've been trying to be more like you since I got here. All... sober and punctual." And he might not be joking. They have such a wholesome male friendship. It was not a timeloop episode. Okay, guys, you got me! 3 Quote I felt like I could run forever, like I could smell the wind and feel the grass under my feet, and just run forever. Current Challenge: #24 - Mrs. Cosmopolite Challenge Past: #1, #2, #3, #4, #5, #6, #7, #8, #9, #10, #11a & #11b, #12, #13, #14, #15, #16, #17, #18, #19, #20, #21, #22, #23 Link to comment
sarakingdom Posted January 12 Author Report Share Posted January 12 WWJD? 03xsomething Before and After Janeway would: Be mysteriously dead for a while. Be explicably dead for a while. Believe women and have no patience for mansplaining. Understand the value of downtime. What happens: Hide contents The EMH has hair, so this is probably his dream sequence. He's surrounded by young crew members we've never seen before who are having a dramatic moment culminating in his being the medical savior of some unknown patient. He tells her she is the finest friend he's ever had, and goes on to be a miracle worker. His patient is Grandma Kes to one of the young people, so we're meant to think we're in the future, where Kes is old, the EMH has hair, and new generations have grown up. But none of these things make sense, because Kes's species only lives like three or four years. Mostly I'm thinking it's time for this tedious character and, importantly, her annoying yellow boyfriend to leave. Also none of these kids are annoying and yellow or wearing a sofa slipcover for a suit, so Neelix did not spawn any of them. Kes doesn't recognize the kids or the EMH. Or remember anything. Chakotay is now the captain. This means Janeway is pushing up daisies somewhere. Kes is supposedly nine years old. So these are supposedly her two year old adult grandchildren or something. Now the EMH is confused because Kes is in a stage of temporal flux before he tried some biotemporal treatment on her. So we're in a time travel episode. Kes wakes up elsewhere as a slightly younger woman, and overhears her daughter and grandkids talking in the other room, and seems very disoriented, and doesn't know anyone but the grandkid she met before in the future. Word of advice: if you're elderly and you time travel, don't go around telling family members you don't know who they are and don't know where you are and don't remember anything. Brazen it out till you can search their wallet for ID. She is apparently married to Tom Paris in this reality. It's like they made a whole episode out of a random paranoid insecurity Neelix had in season 1. Tom is all, "do anything to extend her lifespan, doc," and their alleged daughter is all, "hold up, Mom was clear about the Do Not Resuscitate order". Tom is the same age as his own daughter. That's a really weird modern sci-fi family dynamic. His daughter is married to Harry Kim. Okay, that is too incestuously weird, guys. Don't ever marry your best friend's daughter. He probably helped raise that kid. Who is probably only three or four years old. It may be a small ship, but let the girl marry someone who was not babysitting her twenty-four months ago. Kes is all, "Hold up, guys, I'll accept I'm old and senile, but that does not explain why I'm experiencing what I'm carefully not describing as time jumps, so you don't link it to this treatment I'm supposedly about to get in the future and remember having in the past." She time jumps into her ninth birthday party, where Neelix serves the cake. Wait, she broke up with him a few episodes back, didn't she? I keep forgetting that. Neelix is now... security officer. Because Tuvok is now first officer. The latter makes sense. The former really does not. Tom watching his much younger wife grow old and become a senior citizen while he's still the same age is actually sort of sweet, and the sort of modern sci-fi family dynamic that should be dealt with in domestic sci-fi. If Gene Roddenberry wants humans to get put there and fuck everything that moves, this is how it goes. Kes approaches the EMH at the party to discuss her symptoms. He's shocked when she knows about the biotemporal chamber treatment he just thought up that morning. Tom Paris realizes her memories are going in reverse. Finally, guys. A little weird, since no one knows it in the future, but I guess she hasn't been back to her own past before. Chakotay is all, "sounds like a time paradox", and the EMH is all, "or maybe she's developed precognition". Look, I know Kes has weird mental powers when it's convenient, but one of them is making a more sound deduction than the other. Precognition would also not explain why no one in the future realizes her memories are going backwards, despite Tom saying it in front of everyone in the recent past. There are four people in that room. The EMH had still not made the connection with the fact that he is literally planning to stuff her into a time manipulation box. I feel so sorry for every actor dutifully trudging through this script, I really do. This dross is not going to stop for another thirty minutes. I have watched only 30% of this nonsense. Tom and Kes chatting. She does not remember Neelix. Lucky girl. "That was the beginning of the year of hell," says Tom. This is foreshadowing for a future plot. I think it was meant to be a whole season, but I think we only get an episode or two. That is what killed Janeway and Torres. Noooo! You bastards! You killed the best people on that ship, and left us with this crap! Seriously, this does not feel like a ship that went through a year of hell at any point in the past decade. It's very mellow and in very good repair. And, okay, Chakotay is captain, but still. Tom goes on about how special Belanna was to him and how he wanted to die when she did. This is also foreshadowing. The year of hell aliens had torpedoes in a state of temporal flux, and she absorbed tons of radiation. Suddenly she jumps back in time six months and is now much younger. Her grandson is a baby. She tells the EMH what the deal is, and they decide the alien temporal torpedo radiation and the biotemporal box were bad news, and now she's travelling back in time. She's on track to jump back in time before she even existed. Can we do that? Chakotay doing captain's logs is weird. Her daughter discovers something and the doctor interrupts her to say the first signs of Kes timejumping are starting, and he spends his time trying to raise her body temperature instead of telling her everything so she can tell younger him more about the problem. So this radiation thing apparently not only gave him hair, but made him a complete idiot. We jump to Kes giving birth. Out of her back. This episode is really dumb. Also, I'm now thinking weird things about how she and Neelix had sex. They get back to the ship just as the infamous torpedoes are about to hit. Also, the EMH is offline in this time, and so are all the computers, and most of the decks of life support. My theory is they get the doctor online minus any of his diagnostic thinking skills. She jumps back in time again to a party on the holodeck. Belanna is there, hanging out with Tom, and the ship is attacked, and Janeway is alive, and Kes tells her how to deal with the torpedoes, and then both Belanna and Janeway immediately die. Chakotay is actually a good captain. So the fateful torpedo hits and she needs like some energy signature no one has been able to get, and now she can, but she has to, like, crawl all over it and rub it into her skin and get radiation poisoning. Seems weird. She could at least grab a mask, man. She jumps back again, and tells the current EMH the energy signature of the torpedo, and now they brief the whole crew about this upcoming attack. Janeway's all, "Time shit is weird, but we'd better treat her fast, sounds like she might be unlucky next jump." And Kes is like, "Great, now remember in six months, you've got to avoid this alien species, they're bad news, year of hell, everyone dies, and by everyone, I mean you." They treat her, and in the middle of the process, she jumps back to the first episode where the annoying yellow jerk is angling for a job, and interrupts him to go, "sorry, I don't belong here, I need to jump into treatment in sickbay right the fuck now". Okay, this honestly is the cleverest scene in this whole miserable episode. Also the most annoying, cuz he's trying to mansplain that she's hysterical and wrecking his job interview. Janeway is fortunately not a fan of the mansplaining, and listens to Kes instead. Except then she jumps back to being a kid, with no Voyager around, so she's toast. Also, she doesn't remember her dad. Her dad does not believe a bit of her story, cuz she's an imaginative kid. She jumps back to being born. She jumps back to being a fetus. She jumps back to being a cell. She... goes the other way? She wakes up in the treatment she just jumped out of in the present day and it apparently works like a rubber band that was stretched back to her conception and snapped back to now. Come on, guys, this is dumb. That's "it was all a dream" bullshit. I'm kind of into the foreshadowing thing they did, but this was a lot just to get there. This could have been done smarter. Even keeping all the domestic melodrama. The whole crew is now discussing events at a pool party on the holodeck. Speedos really undercut the seriousness of any of this episode. There is no way Janeway and Chakotay can stand like that and not have it look suggestive. Does anyone on that crew think they're friends anymore? I'm sure that line works sometimes, but it can't work all the time. It might even be true sometimes, but it can't be true all the time. That was mostly the worst, with a little tweak of clever at the end. They haven't done anything that bad in a long time. 3 Quote I felt like I could run forever, like I could smell the wind and feel the grass under my feet, and just run forever. Current Challenge: #24 - Mrs. Cosmopolite Challenge Past: #1, #2, #3, #4, #5, #6, #7, #8, #9, #10, #11a & #11b, #12, #13, #14, #15, #16, #17, #18, #19, #20, #21, #22, #23 Link to comment
Recommended Posts
Join the conversation
You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.