XBlackWidowX's battle log

[Jackdaw]

Here I come again! I left this forum a year ago, not because I didn’t like it, but because it fueled my anxiety. Now I realized avoidance is not the solution and I am gonna attack the problem instead of pretending it doesn’t exist. My biggest and most important goal is battling and overcoming anxiety - I am gonna read books on the topic, try different techniques, if nothing works start a therapy.

 

 

 

The rest of my goals for this year:

 

 

 

Training: Strong Lifts Training

 

I did it!! I joined a gym and started working out in the free weight section. At first it was a very scary experience because I thought I would look just ridiculous lifting my teeny-tiny dumbbells just next to the beefy guys who lift twice as much as I weigh! But the fear was much scarier than the experience itself and I even befriended a couple of those guys quickly!

 

 

I haven’t noticed any change in my appearance yet (I’ve been working out for a month), but I definitely became stronger. If you're reading this, thank you Harriet for introducing this program to me!

 

 

Studying:

 

German - maintain the current level; practice speaking, reading and listening every day (at least half and hour)

 

English - my English is pretty good, but I still struggle while watching movies and my vocabulary is not very extensive. Work on it a little bit every day. (at least half and hour)

 

Chinese - also pretty good, but my reading sucks a lot. Work on this in the next half of this year (gonna swap with English practise)

 

 

The Wim Hof Method:

 

- breathwork

-cold training

 

 

Family:

 

I always keep on forgetting to chat with my relatives because there is always something else to do. Now the plan is to chat with one person a week. (Tuesday or Sunday)

 

 

House:

 

I am gonna clean up a little every day or for about two hours on Sunday. I always hated cleaning; I thought it is useless and repetitive. But a book I read recently introduced a new perspective to me; it is an exercise in discipline and humility. I like this idea, it made me change my attitude and now I even started enjoying it! Besides, it feels great to be in a clean, orderly environment.

 

 

Sacrifice:

 

Let’s be honest; with a full time job and all those plans there is not much free time left. Learn to accept it and enjoy it. I already realized doing something that makes me better gives me much more happiness than just chilling out and being lazy, so I think I’m almost there.

[Elastigirl]

Way to go on  joining and going to the gym even when you were nervous about it!

[Jackdaw]

33 minutes ago, Elastigirl said:

Way to go on  joining and going to the gym even when you were nervous about it!

Heeey Elastigirl!! Thank you for the comment!  Yes, I was really nervous about it, but it was something I really wanted to do for a long time. As usual, the fear was much more horrible than the experience itself. Now the next challenge at the gym is taking few classes with the instructor because I want to make sure I don't make any mistakes when I add more weight as injury prevention. 

[Jackdaw]

Year 2022 Wrap-Up

 

 

2022 was a good year for me, even though it had its ups and downs. It was a year I actually learnt how to incorporate side plans and challenges in my daily routine with a full time job. I enrolled and completed an online commercial course in German (Kaufmännisches Grundwissen). Besides I improved my German to such level I can understand almost everything I hear or read and I am able to figure out novels (I can't understand every word, but I can get the meaning). I can also speak very smoothly.

At the end of the year I managed to start going to the gym and sticked to it. I also realised I could do more than I thought. And I quit drinking completely.

 

It was also a year full of adventures: I tried quad riding, parasailing, had fun horse riding, kayaking and so on. I got to know two online friends I really care about and who inspire me. I had my DNA checked (very surprising results), got a new tatoo and got a double helix piercing (wanted to do it for years!). Read many fascinating books. There was also some fight and victory: after recieving news I was gonna be transferred at work I fought tooth and nail and managed to hold my ground.

 

Not everything went to smoothly though: The pull-up bar has been just standing there having a role of a towel hanger for the whole year. (It definitely has some identity issues by now huh). The notebook in which I wanted to practise writing? Fail. Push-ups? Fail. Keeping in touch with my family members regulary? Fail. Climbing at least few mountains? *pregnant silence*

 

There was also a time of loss and despair. My father, uncle and family dog died. I discovered (or rather stopped lying to myself) I suffer from anxiety and I developed IBS.

 

That being said... explore the world, appreciate the victories, let go of the failures and try next time again, don't forget, but let the dead go and never again avoid the problem instead of attacking it. That's what this year taught me.

 

 

[Mistr]

Those are great accomplishments for 2022!

 

Good job on starting at the gym, in spite of your fears. After a few weeks you will realize that the other people at the gym don't care what weights you use, just so long as you put them back on the rack when you are done.  

My challenge this time around is also mainly dealing with anxiety. I will be following along for tips and tricks.

 

What is your first language?

[Elastigirl]

Sounds like a lot of  growth happened last year, and loss too. Sorry about the loss of your family members.  And also great lessons learned and outlook on the year. I think there is always going to be more stuff we wish we had done, but it's good to know there is a new year to have more dreams, goals, and adventures.

[Ziraiah]

2022 sounds like a great year! You did plenty of exciting stuff, that's something to feel good about. That pull up bar might have an identity crisis, but it will survive from it. Maybe even thrive as a pull up bar some day! Sounds like you achieved a lot last year, and this one will be full of adventures too. 💛 

[Jackdaw]

On 1/21/2023 at 7:47 AM, Mistr said:

Those are great accomplishments for 2022!

 

Good job on starting at the gym, in spite of your fears. After a few weeks you will realize that the other people at the gym don't care what weights you use, just so long as you put them back on the rack when you are done.  

My challenge this time around is also mainly dealing with anxiety. I will be following along for tips and tricks.

 

What is your first language?

Thank you!!  Yeah, right, other people don't care. I wouldn't even care if there was someone lifting weights made of paper lol, I know it, but my stupid brain always reacts like this. But that's the package that comes together with anxiety, I suppose. I am glad to get to know someone with the same problem, it makes it easier to face it! Let's strive to get better this year! And yeah, if I find anything useful, I'll share it here.

 

My first language is Polish, but I speak it so rarely it doesn't feel like it anymore haha, I always get stuck.

[Jackdaw]

On 1/21/2023 at 7:55 AM, Elastigirl said:

Sounds like a lot of  growth happened last year, and loss too. Sorry about the loss of your family members.  And also great lessons learned and outlook on the year. I think there is always going to be more stuff we wish we had done, but it's good to know there is a new year to have more dreams, goals, and adventures.

Thank you so much! Yeah, you're right! My best friend said the same thing  We must focus on the positive side. I am just so greedy, wanna do everything at once

 

On 1/25/2023 at 4:38 PM, Ziraiah said:

2022 sounds like a great year! You did plenty of exciting stuff, that's something to feel good about. That pull up bar might have an identity crisis, but it will survive from it. Maybe even thrive as a pull up bar some day! Sounds like you achieved a lot last year, and this one will be full of adventures too. 💛

Thank you! Yeah, I feel it was a good year! I have so much drive now I am gonna make this one even better! Haha, I really hope you're right about a pull-up bar.

P.S. I love your profile photo! So much happiness and energy!

[Jackdaw]

1^st month: completed!

 

This month has been very successful, however mainly because I don’t work and I could spent all my time and energy on meeting my goals.

 

 

1^st month - Results - Part 1 (will post the rest of them later)

 

 

Anxiety: Most part of the month has been pretty good, had only two anxious days (but work is my main trigger, so will see next month how it’ll go).

 

Read a book “Unwinding Anxiety,” it provides some actual exercises and a plan, but hard to say if it’s gonna be a real deal for me. I’ll write more about it if I find the techniques described there helpful.

 

This month we were celebrating Chinese New Year, which means a few consecutive days of family gatherings. Usually such things make me super anxious and uncomfortable, as if someone wrapped me in someone else’s skin. This year I was as calm as the smoothest waters. I didn’t recognize myself! It must be the breathwork, I can’t think of any other possible reasons.

 

 

 

 

The Wim Hof Method:

 

Breathwork: (Wim Hof & square breathing): I used to have trouble with breathwork, I couldn’t get the transition (belly -> chest) quite right and my lungs hurt after retentions. Not anymore. It’s becoming like a second nature. I feel I made a big progress.

 

Cold training: In my parents’ house the heating was always turned on to the max and my mum rarely leaves the house, so my epigenetic makeup probably got me prepared to come into this world somewhere in Africa, not in central Europe lol. I am pretty resilient to hot (kayaking on the open lake at noon at 98 F/37 C? No problem. I still remember that day, my husband said I was crazy lol.), but I am very sensitive to cold. I always wear three times as much as other people in winter. That’s why I am taking it slow with cold training this time.

 

I’ve been showering my limbs with cold water and it got much more bearable over time. Full body showers next! I am even looking forward to it, as if the cold was calling to me. Hell yeah, time to become that Norse Warrior this time (was my last unsuccessful challenge)!

 

 

 

 

 

Training: 

I can already squat with a bar!! Maybe it doesn’t seem like much, but I am very slim and used to be very weak, when I tried the bar for the first time it felt as if it weighed a tone. Now it feels like nothing! I am also progressing slowly with other exercises, but still doing them with dumbbells.

 

[Scaly Freak]

3 hours ago, XBlackWidowX said:

I can already squat with a bar!! Maybe it doesn’t seem like much, but I am very slim and used to be very weak, when I tried the bar for the first time it felt as if it weighed a tone. Now it feels like nothing! I am also progressing slowly with other exercises, but still doing them with dumbbells.

 

Oh, no, never let anyone try to tell you that squatting with a bar is "not much", or "nothing", or "easy". It's a great accomplishment, and something to be proud of!

 

And for the record, progressing slowly on the other exercises is perfectly fine. It's not a race to see who can progress the fastest... it's a lifelong process of learning how to lift safely and build muscles that last. You're off to a great start here.

 

Welcome to the Warrior guild.  

 

[Jackdaw]

1 hour ago, Scaly Freak said:

 

Oh, no, never let anyone try to tell you that squatting with a bar is "not much", or "nothing", or "easy". It's a great accomplishment, and something to be proud of!

 

And for the record, progressing slowly on the other exercises is perfectly fine. It's not a race to see who can progress the fastest... it's a lifelong process of learning how to lift safely and build muscles that last. You're off to a great start here.

 

Welcome to the Warrior guild.  

Yes, you are right! And safetly is something that bothers me a lot. My father injured his spine permanently while lifting weighths, till the end of his life walking for a longer time hurt him. It was in 70s, so many guys had no idea how do it right, but still, it's something I always have in a back of my mind.  I want to get a few individual classes with a coach as I progress with a weight to make sure I do it right. What do you think, how many classes should it be to really learn the proper technique?

 

Thank you very much for such a warm welcome!

[Ziraiah]

Yay for your 1st month achievements! Slowly but steady is always better, than to try too much, too soon and with a poor technique. So you are doing great!

 

Those breathing exercises sound really nice and useful. I'm glad to hear they have been working so well for you.

[Scaly Freak]

18 hours ago, XBlackWidowX said:

I want to get a few individual classes with a coach as I progress with a weight to make sure I do it right. What do you think, how many classes should it be to really learn the proper technique?

 

That question is almost impossible to answer, because it depends entirely on what your technique is like before the class, how good the class teacher is, and whether it is easy or difficult for you to implement any technique changes you need to make. Personally, I would seek our a personal coach rather than a class, but at least over here where I live that costs a lot more, and to my understanding paying more for personal coaching is a global thing.

 

You can teach yourself technique if budgeting is an issue, by careful application of YouTube videos and by paying attention to your body, but a coach or class is generally a much better way to do it. If your gym offers form classes, go for it!

[Jackdaw]

22 hours ago, Scaly Freak said:

That question is almost impossible to answer, because it depends entirely on what your technique is like before the class, how good the class teacher is, and whether it is easy or difficult for you to implement any technique changes you need to make. Personally, I would seek our a personal coach rather than a class, but at least over here where I live that costs a lot more, and to my understanding paying more for personal coaching is a global thing.

 

You can teach yourself technique if budgeting is an issue, by careful application of YouTube videos and by paying attention to your body, but a coach or class is generally a much better way to do it. If your gym offers form classes, go for it!

I see, I'll figure it out. Thank you! Yes, that's what I meant, one-on-one class. It is really expensive, that's true ;( But I'd rather spend that money than cripple myself. I already have my eye on a coach that seems knowledgeble (another one was a total joke, me telling him I wanna get more muscle and he just kept on bubbling about perky asses and how weights won't make me bulky. I was like, geeez, man, are you even listening to me??)

Thanks again,  fellow warrior

 

 

On 1/27/2023 at 7:20 PM, Ziraiah said:

Yay for your 1st month achievements! Slowly but steady is always better, than to try too much, too soon and with a poor technique. So you are doing great!

 

Those breathing exercises sound really nice and useful. I'm glad to hear they have been working so well for you.

Thank a lot! That's  my problem actually, I'll always get myself such a workload I'm dying under the pressure later on. But with weights it has been going ok, I think I've got it!

 

I saw so many people swearing by the breathwork that it changed their life completely and I thought I just need to try. There has been some change, but nothing earthshattering tbh, but maybe it needs more time.

[Scaly Freak]

9 minutes ago, XBlackWidowX said:

I see, I'll figure it out. Thank you! Yes, that's what I meant, one-on-one class. It is really expensive, that's true ;( But I'd rather spend that money than cripple myself. I already have my eye on a coach that seems knowledgeble 

 

Excellent. Your priorities are in the right place - paying a coach for their time is an investment in your own fitness and future, and absolutely worth the money.

 

10 minutes ago, XBlackWidowX said:

 (another one was a total joke, me telling him I wanna get more muscle and he just kept on bubbling about perky asses and how weights won't make me bulky. I was like, geeez, man, are you even listening to me??)

 

That's gross. That "coach" deserves to be avoided by everyone and I hope he goes out of business!

[Jackdaw]

1^st month - Results - Part 2:

 

 

 

 

Studying:

 

English: My English listening has significantly improved. Before I could understand 70% of the movies, now it is around 90%. Only after a month!! And it’s been my goal since university times. I’m glad I finally got to that. I learnt lot of new vocabulary too. I’ve been using a Chinese app (it is really good), it feels kinda awesome, studying English in Chinese lol.

 

German: My German maintaining practise has been going well too. I listen to the news every day, however sometimes I can understand 90%, sometimes I struggle. I am not sure if it is related to the topic or my energy/focus level. I practise speaking every day too and talking to myself even stopped being weird, I sometimes even catch myself joking and then laughing at my jokes lol. I wonder if that’s how people get crazy. I started reading a novel Tintenherz (Inkheart) and it is a piece of cake, it reads as easy as English for me. Next time I can try more serious books!

Can anyone recommend me interesting German novels/non-fiction?

 

 

 

 

Family:

 

Spent some quality time with my in-laws. My father-in-law is a star of each get-together for me. He always talks about stuff like wars, Soviet Union, hydrogen bombs, how to build missiles etc, which saves me from dying from boredom listening to the family gossip for a hundredth time. And I definitely leveled up in Chinese in the last one and half years, because I couldn't keep up with him on such topics before. I still struggle (well, when I can discuss all that without any sweat it's time to get into simultaneous interpretation or something xD), but I can maintain a conversation.

 

Called my brother. He was just going out to work and it was really hard to get a connection, but he insisted and seemed to be genuinely happy I called. We didn’t talk much in the past, we’re as different as two people can ever be, so it was always hard to find a topic. But we both got older and it seemed we got the hang of it finally. I am gonna be a better sis from now on and check on him from time to time.

 

Called my uncle as well.

 

 

 

Cleaning:

 

Ok, not really proud of that, but my place looked like a shithole. (Please, don’t judge me. I always believed work, studying, workout and fun first, then cleaning... and yeah, there was never any time left for that). Now it looks like a palace! Now I just need to maintain it.

 

 

 

Writing:

 

 It wasn’t really a part of this challenge, just something optional I had in mind. I decided to give it a try, just write a few words here and there for a mere practise, without visualizing some outstanding achievements. This playful, laid-back approach worked like magic! I just write and write and can’t stop! And I couldn’t get a single word out of myself in the last couple of years. It is so effective to be playful and laid-back. If I can stop being such a tight-assed perfectionist, maybe I’ll even take over the world one day, haha!  

[Elastigirl]

That's great improvement on your English. I was surpised when you said it was your second (third?) language, as you write so well. Your father in law speaks Chinese, and you speak with him, and you are learning German?! You are very good at languages.

[Ziraiah]

I love your approach for writing! Playfulness is one of the best ways to get over creative blocks. It really does wonders, and I'm glad it did the trick for you. ^^

[Jackdaw]

19 hours ago, Elastigirl said:

That's great improvement on your English. I was surpised when you said it was your second (third?) language, as you write so well. Your father in law speaks Chinese, and you speak with him, and you are learning German?! You are very good at languages.

Thank you! Yeah, that's my biggest asset. I hope to get a job related to that one day, so I keep on honing my skills. 

 

18 hours ago, Ziraiah said:

I love your approach for writing! Playfulness is one of the best ways to get over creative blocks. It really does wonders, and I'm glad it did the trick for you. ^^

Thanks! However, I think I got myself to another extreme, I can't just be busy with writing for the whole day, but the characters keep on having conversations inside of my head non stop, how do I turn it off? xD

[Jackdaw]

Tomorrow the first day of work after a long break. I was home for one and half months. That's basically my inner state:

 

 

Long holiday ends... We all know that feeling, right? xD

 

Not that I dislike working, I like earning money, interacting with people, etc, but I do worry I won't get all my goals in hand and I really don't wanna give up this time. If someone will be so kind and ask me  once in a while how it is going, I'd be very grateful. 

 

This year will be awesome, let the power of my passion guide me and crash all my fears!

 

[Scaly Freak]

13 hours ago, XBlackWidowX said:

Not that I dislike working, I like earning money, interacting with people, etc, but I do worry I won't get all my goals in hand and I really don't wanna give up this time. If someone will be so kind and ask me  once in a while how it is going, I'd be very grateful. 

 

That is pretty much what this community is for.   

 

How was your first day back at work?

[Elastigirl]

That's great that you used your time off to establish some good habits. That will help you when you return to work, even if you do need to adapt. 

[Jackdaw]

11 hours ago, Scaly Freak said:

That is pretty much what this community is for.   

 

How was your first day back at work?

 

10 hours ago, Elastigirl said:

That's great that you used your time off to establish some good habits. That will help you when you return to work, even if you do need to adapt. 

Thank you so much girls, I really appreciate your support so much! ❤️

 

My first day at work:

 

I must say, I would never see it coming. I knew people were quite fond of me, because I am very easy to get along with, but they really surprised me today. I was welcomed like some war hero coming back from war, all that excitement, colleagues throwing themselves into my arms, children asking me to hug them. I think I’ve just made one of my best memories xD

 

Besides, my boss was very sweet as well. Few months ago she told me we would have a new kid from Austria and I asked casually whether she could put that kid in my group, so I could practise my German when I interact with the parent. That time she refused, saying there were already too many people in my group. And today, few months later, she said the kid will be in my group. She didn’t just change her mind, she REMEMBERED such an insignificant thing! I was speechless. I am so lucky to be surrounded by such nice people.

 

 

After work I went to the gym. It was a good day. I can squat 25 kg, overhead press dumbbells 2 x 7 kg and deadlift 20 kg (I feel I could go more, but I still need to work on a better technique) and two months ago it was totally impossible. Also met my favourite buddy at the gym, he is also a teacher, a really nice guy.

 

Ok, time for my daily vocab and then hopefully my husband will be done with cooking because I am starving!

 

P.S. Chinese is so funny. Today I wanted to tell my colleague her necklace looks like marihuana, but turned out saying she looks like an old woman xD It is the same phoneme, but a different tone. Marihuanna - 大麻 (dàmá), old woman 大妈 （dàmā), hahahaha, isnt't it really funny? xD Fortunatelly I figured it out from her reaction and cleared up the situation, otherwise I might have had one colleague less liking me xD

[Elastigirl]

4 hours ago, XBlackWidowX said:

P.S. Chinese is so funny. Today I wanted to tell my colleague her necklace looks like marihuana, but turned out saying she looks like an old woman xD It is the same phoneme, but a different tone. Marihuanna - 大麻 (dàmá), old woman 大妈 （dàmā), hahahaha, isnt't it really funny? xD Fortunatelly I figured it out from her reaction and cleared up the situation, otherwise I might have had one colleague less liking me xD