Jupiter's Battle Log

[Jupiter]

I've mostly been in the challenge forums for a while, but I think I need to take a break from that for a little bit and start posting in the daily battle logs again. So, a new battle log. Things have been rough lately and I've gotten a little off track (again), so right now I'm just going to aim for consistency. I'll also try to post as often as I can for accountability and to keep up with the community. Other than that, I have no specific plan. 

 

[Jupiter]

Things were done today. Did a very quick strength training workout: dumbbell deadlifts and single arm overhead press, 2 sets of 5 each with a 15lb weight. I'm out of practice, so just trying to take it slowly. I haven't done any strength training in like 3 months, so I'm honestly surprised I was able to lift the 15lber at all. Also did some revisions for about 2 hours and some writing for about 30 minutes. Not bad all things considered. I'm also still looking for a better job and have found a few that I can maybe apply for. I doubt I'll get any of them, but it doesn't hurt to try. 

[Scaly Freak]

36 minutes ago, Jupiter said:

I'm also still looking for a better job and have found a few that I can maybe apply for. I doubt I'll get any of them, but it doesn't hurt to try. 

 

It definitely does not hurt. I'd argue that the more jobs you apply for, the better you will become at the application process, and this will be a big help to you when you eventually find yourself interviewing for that awesome job you really want. You know, the one where they appreciate you and know how lucky they are to have you.  

[AwayLifter]

On 1/26/2023 at 6:17 AM, Jupiter said:

I'm also still looking for a better job and have found a few that I can maybe apply for. I doubt I'll get any of them, but it doesn't hurt to try. 

I would recommend my approach. I go into every interview with the following philosophy: I’ve got the job…they just don’t know it yet 😉

 

Also, remember that you are also interviewing a company to see if it is a good fit for you. It’s a two way process for sure.

[Jupiter]

On 1/25/2023 at 10:55 PM, Scaly Freak said:

 

It definitely does not hurt. I'd argue that the more jobs you apply for, the better you will become at the application process, and this will be a big help to you when you eventually find yourself interviewing for that awesome job you really want. You know, the one where they appreciate you and know how lucky they are to have you.  

 

Aw, thanks.  Yeah, hopefully I'll get better at it the more I do it and eventually I'll find what I'm looking for. We'll see.  

 

On 1/27/2023 at 1:13 PM, AwayLifter said:

I would recommend my approach. I go into every interview with the following philosophy: I’ve got the job…they just don’t know it yet 😉

 

Also, remember that you are also interviewing a company to see if it is a good fit for you. It’s a two way process for sure.

 

LOL, that is a good approach.  And yes, that's very true. 

[Jupiter]

Spoiler

Welp, I've applied to one job so far. Some of the others looked a bit sketchy after doing some research, so I left those alone. Another one requires a portfolio of writing samples, so I'm trying to write up a few non-fiction pieces so I can submit them with my application. Also waiting to hear something on a potential job with an old boss. How's the current job going? Not so well. I really don't like it here. The people are amazing, but the rest of it I really don't care for, and honestly, I only interact with said amazing people maybe 2% of the time, so it's really not worth staying for (and we're about to be split up into new teams with new supervisors anyway, so who knows what that's going to be like). I almost quit last week, until I remembered that I kind of need that steady paycheck and checked the impulse. Can I say how really sick I am of having crappy jobs? 

 

Anyway, so far, I've managed to keep up with my few minutes of strength training twice a week and managed to keep up with some writing-related things almost every day the past week and a half-ish. This weekend though was a total loss. I couldn't focus on anything long enough to actually do anything. At least the puppy made it to the groomers without incident and she got bathed and pampered. 

[Jupiter]

Spoiler

Well, the end of training is coming up soon, and honestly, I'm afraid I won't be able to graduate. My overall performance scores are so far lower than they would like (even though I have technically passed every milestone of training) and my supervisor basically told me I need to improve or else. If I don't end up graduating, then I'm pretty sure I'm going to be let go. That is...not a good feeling. Not only because I might lose my job (again) but because I would be failing. And I don't like to fail. I don't like the job, sure, but that doesn't mean that I don't want to do well at it. I've been trying really hard since that meeting, so I'm hoping that will help increase my scores and help me graduate. 

 

Also, I've been wondering about some things, too. Like if it's really worth it. Overall, I don't like it here and in a lot of ways, it's not much better than my last job. It makes me think that I should give freelancing a try and work for myself for a little while. Problem is, I have no idea how to even do that. And even if I figure that out, there are a few things to consider too: no benefits and no job security. Although, considering recent events, having a regular job doesn't guarantee job security anymore, so there is that. I'm trying to stick it out here as long as I can, because I need this job and I want to do well. And there's a chance I can get promoted to a better job down the line (if I can graduate, that is) or move elsewhere within the company to something that would be more suited for me. But at this point the motivation just isn't there. I'm trying to find it, but it's been hard. 

 

Anyway, just had to get my thoughts written down today. 

 

[ReturnOfTheDad]

So sorry to hear things are going rough for you too. It’s so hard being in these situations, sometimes it just feels like survival. It builds a weird mental toughness though, or apathy, I’m not sure which but the sting seems to lessen over time.

 

If this doesn’t work out something better will come along. As a friend of mine told me, everything works out in the end and if it hasn’t worked out yet, then it isn’t the end.

[Scaly Freak]

41 minutes ago, Jupiter said:

  Reveal hidden contents

Well, the end of training is coming up soon, and honestly, I'm afraid I won't be able to graduate. My overall performance scores are so far lower than they would like (even though I have technically passed every milestone of training) and my supervisor basically told me I need to improve or else. If I don't end up graduating, then I'm pretty sure I'm going to be let go. That is...not a good feeling. Not only because I might lose my job (again) but because I would be failing. And I don't like to fail. I don't like the job, sure, but that doesn't mean that I don't want to do well at it. I've been trying really hard since that meeting, so I'm hoping that will help increase my scores and help me graduate. 

 

Also, I've been wondering about some things, too. Like if it's really worth it. Overall, I don't like it here and in a lot of ways, it's not much better than my last job. It makes me think that I should give freelancing a try and work for myself for a little while. Problem is, I have no idea how to even do that. And even if I figure that out, there are a few things to consider too: no benefits and no job security. Although, considering recent events, having a regular job doesn't guarantee job security anymore, so there is that. I'm trying to stick it out here as long as I can, because I need this job and I want to do well. And there's a chance I can get promoted to a better job down the line (if I can graduate, that is) or move elsewhere within the company to something that would be more suited for me. But at this point the motivation just isn't there. I'm trying to find it, but it's been hard. 

 

Anyway, just had to get my thoughts written down today. 

 

 

It is very hard to perform at our best when we don't like the people we work with or the job itself. And speaking as someone who has done a lot of training of new hires... it's never entirely on the trainee when the training is not successful. It's the trainer's job to notice when someone is struggling, and to figure out what kind of help that someone needs, and then provide it. Or to rephrase, if the training didn't take, that's not on you.  

[Waanie]

I'm so sorry that you're having bad luck again with your job. I hope your interview will work out!

[Jupiter]

On 2/9/2023 at 5:42 PM, ReturnOfTheDad said:

So sorry to hear things are going rough for you too. It’s so hard being in these situations, sometimes it just feels like survival. It builds a weird mental toughness though, or apathy, I’m not sure which but the sting seems to lessen over time.

 

If this doesn’t work out something better will come along. As a friend of mine told me, everything works out in the end and if it hasn’t worked out yet, then it isn’t the end.

 

Thanks, I appreciate it. Yeah, I've definitely been feeling the apathy for a while. I'm not sure about it lessening over time, I think at some point you just get used to it. Or maybe that's just me. 

 

I like that saying. And thanks, I sure hope so. 

 

On 2/9/2023 at 6:17 PM, Scaly Freak said:

 

It is very hard to perform at our best when we don't like the people we work with or the job itself. And speaking as someone who has done a lot of training of new hires... it's never entirely on the trainee when the training is not successful. It's the trainer's job to notice when someone is struggling, and to figure out what kind of help that someone needs, and then provide it. Or to rephrase, if the training didn't take, that's not on you.  

 

Thanks.  ❤️

 

On 2/12/2023 at 6:41 AM, Waanie said:

I'm so sorry that you're having bad luck again with your job. I hope your interview will work out!

 

Thanks, I appreciate it.                                            

[Jupiter]

Spoiler

This last week or so really sucked (and honestly, it still does). My dog started having seizures, or seizure-like symptoms. I rushed her into the vet, who said it could be some kind of biological infection, so he took some blood to test and gave me some antibiotics and anti-inflammatories to give her. I’ve given them to her for a couple of days but they’re not helping. The vet finally got back to me today to let me know that the blood work came back totally normal, so he thinks this may be either a brain tumor or stroke. He gave me contact info for a neurologist, so I will be calling them tomorrow, though the visit will likely be expensive and I'm not sure how I'm going to pay for it. Anyway, I’ve basically been watching her like a hawk. Every time she has an episode, all I can do is sit there and watch helplessly until it stops. It’s awful. I’ve barely slept in a week and barely eaten anything in two days. I am so, so exhausted. 

 

On top of that, I got yelled at by a customer (actually, by two customers), to the point where I ended up in tears. I had to tell my coach that I needed a few minutes to myself. She asked me if I wanted to talk about it and I told her what happened while crying and trying to pull myself together. And now I just feel embarrassed. I don’t cry in front of people. I find a place to hide and then I cry. Quitting is looking better and better.

 

Also, I had to take my new computer (I finally decided on one) in for some tech support because I needed help adding some of my programs onto it, and I ended up being late, so they automatically cancelled my appointment without telling me and told me they couldn’t help me unless I made another appointment. I admit, after everything this past week I got a little testy. The tech place is not exactly close and it’s not easy to find the time to get there and on top of everything else that was just sort of the last straw.

 

With all of this going on I only managed to get in two workouts. I had some veggies, too, but so far, it’s all been takeout. No cooking. 

 

[Scaly Freak]

 

Spoiler

I'm so sorry to hear your dog is not doing well. It hurts so much to watch them hurt.

 

[Jupiter]

On 2/15/2023 at 9:21 PM, Scaly Freak said:

 

  Reveal hidden contents

I'm so sorry to hear your dog is not doing well. It hurts so much to watch them hurt.

 

 

Thanks, I appreciate it. ❤️ We have an appointment for this weekend, so hopefully we can figure out what's going on and get her feeling better. 

[Jupiter]

Spoiler

Well, I had a post partly typed out, but then the internet ate it. Anyway, this week has been quiet, thankfully. Work has been slow, giving me some extra time to get some writing done in between work-related things. The last few days I've managed to get between 1k and 2k words in every day, which has been great. My brain feels better when I'm writing, too, so on the mental health side, it's been really nice. I've just been trying to enjoy the downtime while I can and while it lasts. My scores at work are also a little better, but still fairly low, so I'm worried I'll be out of a job soon. Again. Not sure what I'm going to do if that happens. I've been keeping an eye on my dog, too, but I haven't seen any episodes in the last day or two. I don't know if it's because she hasn't had any, or just hasn't had any when I could see/hear it. She was also walking funny the other day, like she was having some trouble, which worried me. That vet appointment this weekend cannot come soon enough. She's still eating and drinking like normal at least, so that's good. Still doing my few minutes of strength training twice a week, and today I added an extra set of one of the exercises. I checked the scale the other day and somehow I've lost another 2 pounds, which puts me at almost 20 pounds lost over the past 6 to 8 months. Still not quite sure how I managed that. 

 

[Jupiter]

Spoiler

Took my dog to see the neurologist today. She gave me a lot of information and a lot to process. But she doesn't think that the problem is cancer or a stroke, thank goodness. She thinks it's actually some kind of balance disorder (I don't remember the technical term, she said she'd send me everything we discussed but I'm still waiting on that) that can happen in older dogs. The ticks/jerking aren't seizures, but some way for her body to try to keep its balance. Something like that. She did a few basic tests in the exam room and my dog responded in all the ways she's supposed to, so just based on everything she's observed and everything I've told her, she thinks this balance disorder is most likely the culprit. She said it's totally benign and there's really nothing that can be done for it. She said that an MRI could help confirm her diagnosis, but she said it would likely be around $3500 (yikes) and that she'd have to put my dog under, which, considering her age, can be risky and she could possibly die from it. That made me freak out a little bit and I told her I'd have to think about it. She said that it's not urgent at this point to get the MRI and I can take all the time I need to decide. I've had a few hours to think, but honestly, I'm not sure what to do about it still. High price aside, it'd be really nice to be able to confirm the diagnosis and make sure that it is what she said it is and not something worse, but at the same time, I don't want to put my dog through something that can be that risky. So, I'm not sure what to do. Or maybe I'm just freaking out over nothing, and she'll be totally fine. I don't know. 

 

[Waanie]

I'm glad that it looks like your dog has something benign. If it were my dog, I wouldn't want to do such a risky procedure for money you cannot really miss, but that's up to you.

 

Anyway, I hope you'll keep your job!

[Scaly Freak]

Spoiler

If my dog was in this situation, I'd sit down with Husband and we would talk about the risks and benefits of doing the MRI, compared to the risks and benefits of not doing it, and yes, the price tag would be a large factor. The big question for us would be how certain the vet is of her diagnosis, because that would help us determine how necessary the MRI is. And of course, ultimately, what we could do for our dog to help her remain comfortable and happy, regardless of what the diagnosis ultimately ends up being.

 

You are a good pet person. Your dog is fortunate to be able to live her life with you.  

 

[Jupiter]

On 2/26/2023 at 1:20 AM, Waanie said:

I'm glad that it looks like your dog has something benign. If it were my dog, I wouldn't want to do such a risky procedure for money you cannot really miss, but that's up to you.

 

Anyway, I hope you'll keep your job!

 

Thanks, yeah, me too, on both counts! 

 

On 2/27/2023 at 5:38 AM, Scaly Freak said:

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If my dog was in this situation, I'd sit down with Husband and we would talk about the risks and benefits of doing the MRI, compared to the risks and benefits of not doing it, and yes, the price tag would be a large factor. The big question for us would be how certain the vet is of her diagnosis, because that would help us determine how necessary the MRI is. And of course, ultimately, what we could do for our dog to help her remain comfortable and happy, regardless of what the diagnosis ultimately ends up being.

 

You are a good pet person. Your dog is fortunate to be able to live her life with you.  

 

 

Spoiler

Thanks, I really appreciate that, and thank you for the advice. ❤️ I considered everything and decided to wait on the MRI. I can't afford it and I'm not sure I want to risk it, given the risks involved. The vet seems pretty sure of her diagnosis, though, so I'm just going to wait and keep an eye on her for now. She seems okay right now, and I don't really want to mess with that. 

 

[Jupiter]

Spoiler

So, the last few weeks have been a bit of a blur. Work sucks. I literally count the minutes until I can leave every day. The last few days I’ve been yelled at a couple times. The way people act just boggles my mind. They call in to ask for help, and then when I try to help, they yell and argue for several minutes, preventing me from helping them. I don’t get it. Even worse is the entitlement. They don’t want to have to do anything, they just want me to go behind the scenes and magically fix everything for them so they don’t have to do any of the legwork. They don’t understand that there are certain things that I can’t do for them. Ugh. I’m still looking for another job, but it’s pretty scarce out there. And the jobs that I do find, at least in the industry I’m looking to get into, require applicants to send in a portfolio, which I don’t have.  

 

Anyway. Pup’s doing good right now, thankfully, though she is back to pacing at night, which has been driving me nuts. And I was invited to a friend/family event, first one in a long while. I was a little surprised, but very glad to be invited so I could hang out with my friends. It was a bit awkward at first, considering the issues with one of said friends. She told me in no uncertain terms last year to never speak to her again, so I wasn’t really sure how that was going to go. But she was cordial and nice the whole time, at least during the limited interactions we had, so that eased my anxiety some. Also helped revise another friend’s resume. She still works at my last employer, and she hates it there. She says it's gotten worse since they laid everyone off last year, and they've done more layoffs since then, leaving basically a skeleton crew to do everyone’s jobs. Other departments are running roughshod over them, and management is of course doing nothing to stop it. So, it's been pretty bad over there. Unfortunately, there aren’t a whole lot of options out there right now.

 

I've pretty much given up on cooking for now. I haven't been to the grocery store in a few months. The last time I went, I ended up having to throw out all my food, and since my energy levels aren't that great to begin with right now, it's just not worth wasting the money. I've done a few small strength training workouts and some stretching. I've also managed to get some writing done in between calls. I've been able to get in around 1k to 2k a day, which has been pretty surprising, but I'll take it. There's no structure to it and I keep bouncing between projects and scenes, but at least I'm writing. 

 

[Scaly Freak]

[Jupiter]

23 hours ago, Scaly Freak said:

 

Thanks so much, I definitely needed that virtual hug. ❤️ *hugs back*

[Jean]

[Jupiter]

Spoiler

Last week I worked six days in a row and I felt every single minute of it. Between that and realizing that I may be fired in the next month or two because my stats still aren't high enough for me to graduate their training program, and I didn't go to work yesterday. It all just got too overwhelming, so I took a mental health day. (Ended up binge-watching Fringe. I can't believe I waited so long to finally finish this series.) Training woes aside, this job is just such a slog. I got more enjoyment out of writing/revising my friend's resume. I have applied to a few other jobs and so far, I'm getting crickets. I don't get it. Even when I apply for other customer service jobs, which I have ample experience in, I can't even get an interview. Bright side, I can't remember if I've mentioned this before, but I've lost almost 20 pounds and have been able to keep it off for the most part. Kind of surprised, actually. Not really sure how I'm managing it. 

 

[Scaly Freak]

Sending you another...

 

 

You are brilliant and magnificent. You will find a job.