[Bean Sidhe]

I am doing this unlike most challenges I have ever started. I am writing this one off the cuff instead of writing something in word, over analyzing it and making sure it makes sense for a few days before posting. So if this makes no sense outside my head sorry.

In mid December, I had knee surgery to supposedly help an injury I sustained in 2020. I knew I had arthritis and it was bad (3 of 4), but I was getting around finr and surprising my PT people on what I could do before surgery (crab walking anyone). After surgery, I have been no where near where I was in October (when surgery was determined) or before. Where I was walking long walks of 2-3 miles, I am just now doing okay with .5-.75 miles. The Dr put Gel in the knee to help lubricate the joint since steroid shots did not help. Gel is kinda my last option at this point.  I am not in PT for my knee. The drs admitted that the PT I had before surgery didn't help, and that I lost strength and flexibility during PT. So I am kinda making up my own PT based on the Dr recommendation of "don't overdo it" which is funny when its me since I love to be hard and push myself. 

(Side not, why in the 9 realms are my neighbors lighting fireworks at 7:09 PM on a Tuesday night in Feb? See this is why I should not be doing this off the cuff)

 

So my PT is use it a bit more at a time, don't hurt it too much, but keep trying. My work is a mess (long story short, its a HUGE mess and I am just doing what I need to) so that is not helping the BP issues or the "go walk" because I don't want to leave my office and my non-ergonomic desk.  Oh and there are extended family issues I would love to ignore but can't.

I have 2 Agents of Chaos, 2 dog agents (one is a year old basically today and is HUGE (almost 80 lbs) and all the energy), 3 cat agents plus Hubby.  The human Agents and Hubby are great, and are helping where they can. but the big thing is I need to MOVE on a regular basis or everything hurts. I am at my highest weight in over 10 years.  My depression and anxiety are a giant mess and more days than not, I am doing things, but more out of the "well, the world will be worse tomorrow if I don't"

I sound positive, which is weird. I am not sure this will work. I need to be more than a worker, a mom, a mess. So I divide my life into groups, and from there do boxes of things I would like to improve on. I don't have to do everything, just enough of each category a day. More is good, I am always allowed to do more, but I need to not just do nothing.

 

So I got lazy and decided not to post the boxes. If you really want to see them, let me know and I can add them. Here is the breakdown of the boxes and how many I need vs what is possible. 90% of my stuff is things I can do in 5-10 minutes since that is all I may have at a shot.
 

Did I get all pts in:	Needed	Possible
Strength	3	6
Flexibility	5	9
Life and Family	5	10
Future Me Favors	8	12
Daily Skirmishes against Chaos	4	7
Campaigns against Chaos	4	6
Walking	4	6
Fuel	5	8
Points earned for day	38	64

 

Welcome to the fight against chaos

[Tanktimus the Encourager]

Found your thread, I'll follow.

[Ranger Hal]

3 hours ago, Bean Sidhe said:

(Side not, why in the 9 realms are my neighbors lighting fireworks at 7:09 PM on a Tuesday night in Feb? See this is why I should not be doing this off the cuff)

I could often tell when the local pro football team was playing and scored/won by the otherwise somewhat random fireworks. Football seems unlikely in this case because Google says the Superbowl is on Sunday, but maybe there's some other sportsball going on?

[fleaball]

[fleaball]

heyyyyyyyyy    everybodyyyyyy

 

IT'S BEAN'S BIRTHDAY!!!

 

show her some love!

 

 

 

💖💖💖

 

 

[Tanktimus the Encourager]

[TimovieMan]

[Athaclena]

Belated happy birthday!

[Bean Sidhe]

Replies in a minute. Thank you all for the birthday wishes. I am so lucky to have a great group here.

 

So I have been doing better I guess. I missed my first day this challenge on Superbowl Sunday. Not because of the game, but Brother S is here, and the week before was super crazy and I overdid it. And I really overdid it since Saturday I was up to almost 12000 steps and my knee was super mad. While I am not back to my "Do the 16,000 steps" thing. yesterday and the 1st are the the last times I have been under 8250 steps since the challenge started. this was not a "ramp up slow thing" but a "And then I am walking" thing which leads to having overdone. I was so tired Sunday. As it is, I would love to go back to bed.

 

Points wise, I have been doing well. Aside from yesterday, my points have been consistently in the50s aside from a 48 pt day Last Tues, A 49 pt day last Friday (where we all finally got home after 10) and yesterday being a 31 pt day. I only need 38 pts a day.

Stress wise things have been bad. Work is so dumb right now, but its I need counseling because ex-mentor is an ass and I now have PTSD (which was not a problem before) and Boss is starting t make demands of things I don't have time for (other people say I don't either) and doesn't realize what I am trying to do. So thats been fun to deal with.

 

The knee itself is healing from the surgery in December. I really feel it should be doing better, but its not. It still hurts. It still has days where it is so stiff. but, this is probably the best it will do. And while I know walking may not be the best for it because impact on already arthritic knee, I can't get to the basement to ride the bike, and even when I can, my knee is not bending far enough at the top of the pedal to work. So walking is all I can do to get the weight off and since I never got the PT I asked for, I am not sure what else to do besides just get back to using it and making that the PT. The gel has helped it, but its not back to normal.

I am having a hard time being positive right now. My depression and anxiety are a mess, I am not sleeping well and I am out of spoons so often now.

Okay, replies when I get back. I need to try and walk before work.

[Bean Sidhe]

On 2/6/2023 at 9:47 PM, Tanktimus the Encourager said:

Found your thread, I'll follow.

 Hi and thank you.

 

On 2/6/2023 at 10:35 PM, Ranger Hal said:

I could often tell when the local pro football team was playing and scored/won by the otherwise somewhat random fireworks. Football seems unlikely in this case because Google says the Superbowl is on Sunday, but maybe there's some other sportsball going on?

It wasn't anything besides the neighbors had bottle rockets and were bored. The closest school or stadium is on the other side of town. This is all just houses for like 5-10 miles in any direction

 

On 2/9/2023 at 10:18 PM, fleaball said:

Thank you. I am so grateful you still stick around

 

On 2/11/2023 at 1:41 AM, fleaball said:

heyyyyyyyyy    everybodyyyyyy

 

IT'S BEAN'S BIRTHDAY!!!

 

show her some love!

 

 

 

💖💖💖

 

 

Thank you. I wasnt expecting this. It was great to see. Hugs

 

On 2/11/2023 at 7:38 AM, Tanktimus the Encourager said:

Thank you

 

 

On 2/11/2023 at 7:50 AM, TimovieMan said:

Cheers, Thank you

 

 

8 hours ago, Athaclena said:

Belated happy birthday!

Thank you and Hi.

[fleaball]

13 hours ago, Bean Sidhe said:

Stress wise things have been bad. Work is so dumb right now, but its I need counseling because ex-mentor is an ass and I now have PTSD (which was not a problem before) and Boss is starting t make demands of things I don't have time for (other people say I don't either) and doesn't realize what I am trying to do. So thats been fun to deal with.

Are they getting/offering you counselling? Is there an EAP you can hit up? Also, fuck your boss. I'd go to HR and tell them what's happening. and mention the unpaid overtime you were doing too. 

 

12 hours ago, Bean Sidhe said:

Thank you. I wasnt expecting this. It was great to see. Hugs

I'm sorry I forgot to ask this year!! I knew the date obviously but it snuck up on me and I decided to risk it anyway. I take my job as Bean's Birthday Announcer very seriously. ❤️ 

[Bean Sidhe]

10 hours ago, fleaball said:

Are they getting/offering you counselling? Is there an EAP you can hit up? Also, fuck your boss. I'd go to HR and tell them what's happening. and mention the unpaid overtime you were doing too. 

 

I have been offered the EAP a couple times. The boss is very cold and grumpy, but it seems to not be hitting just me. Apparently Ex Office roomie has been hearing he is like this to a number of people.

 

10 hours ago, fleaball said:

I'm sorry I forgot to ask this year!! I knew the date obviously but it snuck up on me and I decided to risk it anyway. I take my job as Bean's Birthday Announcer very seriously. ❤️ 

No worries, you did great. I just wasn;t expecting it since well, things were busy here and Hubby and the Agents kinda forgot. Hubby remembered for a bit, but that was it.

[Tanktimus the Encourager]

How did the rest of your week turn out?

[Bean Sidhe]

So I totally lost a week in here somewhere. It was one of those weeks were there were things every night and you collapse exhausted and  wake up worse. I have been borrowing too many spoons from tomorrow.

Overall, I am doing okay. I missed doing all my boxes on Friday 2/17 because it was a go to work late due to dropping off kid, pick up kid after work, run 4 errands and then come home eat, and I was too tired to move.

Every other day I have done okay. Lowest number points for the week was 42 on Thursday before I missed the Friday. Other days were all 45 to 54 pts. Since the goal is really 38 not bad.

Work is still stressful. Boss is getting frustrated with me and I can't right now. He got upset that I was being "passive aggressive" when I was actually in "Scared and waiting on a shoe drop" when he called me in to OVER complement  me on something I thought was maybe D+ work and I hated. He didn't understand that I really didn't think it was any good.  Its something he demanded be done and me and 3 other people see no value in. But I did it and I hated all of it. (Training videos where I sound stupid and mess up and am showing private information, but he thinks they are amazing).  Stupid Honor student brain.

 

Knee wise, I dunno. I am supposed to call ortho and let them know if the gel helped. I don't know what to tell them. It is still angry more than not, but I can bend it to tuck it in to sit on it. I still limp and am still stuck on the .75 walk. Walking, I had 2 days under 5000 steps, and 3 days over 8300 and one of those was 9623. But the day after the 9623 is the Friday I didn't make my boxes.

Mostly, I am tired. I haven't been sleeping. Saturday night, I was up every half hour between 11 and 3. and then at 3AM I was up till 1030 the next night. I tried sleeping in this morning and the concrete guys show up to the tear out the driveway. It never ends. Oh and I am trying to design the new kitchen since that has to be done this year since the cabinets are falling off the wall. So every day my kitchen work is to start packing the kitchen for a remodel this summer, but it can take 4-8 weeks for the cabinets to get here, then another month for the countertops. And we are doing the work ourselves so I need to get better to do this since I am doing the tiling myself and helping Hubby with the cabinets.

 

So my life is just confusing. I lack spoons everyday. Peopleing is harder every day since either the muscle is worn out or it just flat gave up. But I guess there is progress happening. I just don't see it at the moment.

[Bean Sidhe]

On 2/18/2023 at 8:43 AM, Tanktimus the Encourager said:

How did the rest of your week turn out?

 

I am beginning to believe I need an extra 5 hours a day to get everything done or I need to go back to less healthy habits of Mt Dew and No Doze.  I need either energy to keep going or time to get things done between. Lets be real, its probably both

[Athaclena]

15 hours ago, Bean Sidhe said:

am beginning to believe I need an extra 5 hours a day to get everything done or I need to go back to less healthy habits of Mt Dew and No Doze.  I need either energy to keep going or time to get things done between. Lets be real, its probably both

Right there with you! {{hugs}}

[Bean Sidhe]

7 hours ago, Athaclena said:

Right there with you! {{hugs}}

I am sorry you get to join me in this place. It is not a place I  like to be.

Hope you are well.

[Bean Sidhe]

Current mood

 

 

I was still up half the night and I hate it. Why am I wake, your guess is as good as mine. I am voting on Shark week that tends to kill all my needs for sleep added with stress and well, lets just take on the huge kitchen project when we don't have time for it.

 

I got a perfect of 64 pts yesterday. I am proud but sore. I was in bed by 9. I had 9020 steps, I slept in till 8, which isn't too bad since they were tearing out the old driveway, but I could of used another 12 hours. My BP wasn't great, and I am starting to feel I may need to admit I need new meds. But I hates it. I don't feel like I did anything yesterday since it was a day without work and I had too much too do.

I still have no idea what to tell ortho besides "I can bend the knee better, but my ankles, other knee and the bad knee hurt. and I kinda want to ask for a refund on the surgery, but I doubt I get it. I don't really want more meds, but if it helped, but I feel like I am just going to have to do the "Let it hurt till it ignores it" thing which is probably not optimal, but most likely my only option.

 

I think I am supposed to be happy I did all the things, but well "yay....*snores*"

 

[Bean Sidhe]

Still here, still tired. Sleep seems to hate me. Not sure why. I can now say I have gotten 2 perfect days in a row, and Tuesday I had 8462 steps. Life is still hard and my depression is on a roll. And we had to have the one good thing discussion at work. I was going to pass, but I have a coworker that lives down the street to be like "Hey, you have a new driveway, that's good" and I was told multiple times that was good news. When I in fact am slightly over the whole thing since it took 8 months to get and costs a ton of money. But Boss is like "that is great news." No, its really not. Good news is that Eldest Agents phone is not having issues charging, the GFI keeps popping on the outlet. The driveway was a necessary evil that has no joy, but rather a "Hey, we wont throw rocks when we snowblow anymore" 

And because I am a special kind of weird, stupid, ect,  I added a section to my spreadsheet that tells me the most reps and the date of the most reps for each of my exercises. This is probably a silly thing to add, but I am slightly proud of my excel skills and at the same time slightly ashamed since some of my best reps were a while back and I didn't remember how many I did on them.  Also, I am way too involved in this spreadsheet, like I haven't put this much effort into something in a long time. To track me trying to get healthy, but I put more time into the spreadsheet than probably my getting healthy.

 

I think on top of everything, I have now spent more time on the spreadsheet changes then I did on the actual day.  Oh and I may of actually been able to do the long short walk, which isn't much longer, but it is something

 

See the less glory of my new addition to the table and it automatically updates when I add a new high number.

 

Highest exercise total	Number	Date
Raised Arm Circles	85	2/6/2023
Torso Twist	20	2/21/2023
Step up	20	2/21/2023
Desk pushups	20	2/21/2023
Knee to Elbows	40	2/21/2023
Calf raises	25	2/6/2023

[Teros]

On 2/6/2023 at 8:24 PM, Bean Sidhe said:

My work is a mess (long story short, its a HUGE mess and I am just doing what I need to)

Is it still the situation where you're saddled with multiple people's job? Because I remember what a shitshow that was.  Didn't know if that was at least partially rectified yet.

[fleaball]

On 2/22/2023 at 10:04 PM, Bean Sidhe said:

And because I am a special kind of weird, stupid, ect,  I added a section to my spreadsheet that tells me the most reps and the date of the most reps for each of my exercises.

not stupid, maybe weird but only in a nerd way and you're in good company here for that. ❤️ 

 

I hope the people you work with get abducted by aliens.

[Bean Sidhe]

On 2/24/2023 at 5:03 AM, Teros said:

Is it still the situation where you're saddled with multiple people's job? Because I remember what a shitshow that was.  Didn't know if that was at least partially rectified yet.

Yes and no. I am still saddled with other peoples workload. Except it is my workload now since the new guy they hired will not be taking any of that work load I was told. he is just a coder... (and I am a coder, report creator and report distributor, trainer (written and now video), state reporter,  documentation writer, outreach to basically vendors,  projects lead,  and the person every other department reaches out to for questions since I will answer them correctly the first time)

 

So yeah, and I got in trouble (when it is not my fault) and now I am stuck in an office that sets off migraines and panic attacks every day.

[Bean Sidhe]

31 minutes ago, fleaball said:

not stupid, maybe weird but only in a nerd way and you're in good company here for that. ❤️ 

 

Yay, at least someone doesn't think it is weird

 

31 minutes ago, fleaball said:

I hope the people you work with get abducted by aliens.

 

So yea, new guy loves to joke about the aliens that comes to get him every day and mess with his brain. I lost patience with it a few months ago. Instead I ignore it, but now I am anti-social.  so I am kinda rooting for the aliens.

[Bean Sidhe]

Okay, update time.

 

So since last Wednesday, I have managed to keep on my boxes every day. I have had between 49- to 62 points per day and 8192 to 9881 steps every day. I am generally getting one if not 2 walks a day, aside from the rain this morning. Still going to try and get another walk in laps of the house.  So I am supposedly doing something.

 

My bp has been bad. Like I should probably make an appointment with my dr, but I am pretty sure it would only make it worse since the whole "white coat" thing. I am walking, but the stress at work is not helping  the BP and then add migraines more often because there is NO Soundproofing and no one understands inside voices. I still sit in the mostly dark at work with the door closed and it doesn't help.

 

BTW, we have picked out the new kitchen aside from the backsplash tile. Most of the work will be done by us, and sadly much sooner than the original time frame. The time frame could be a mess since it will not be a great time at work. As a result, I need to get moving on the kitchen pack up and clear out faster and then I need to sort out when the stuff will be here. Next challenge is going to be heavy on the kitchen work and probably lacking a kitchen for a month. We are doing the work ourselves, so time to get myself in a place where I can lean on countertops to tile the backsplash and hold cabinets above my head for install. Trial by fire.

 

I have not called the Dr yet. I keep saying I will, but still no real good idea of what to say besides "The swelling is much worse, but the pain is tolerable. I don't expect much improvement and since I am doing this on my own with no PT I guess its working. So it is what it is?"
 

And yeah, depression is still a mess. Anxiety is at a full run. Not sleeping much, so I am at a very bad level of sleep deprived. But here I go, trying to finish my boxes again to say I did things. The new High Exercise list is working. So on to do more of those I guess then go collapse on the couch.

 

Highest exercise total	Number	Date
Raised Arm Circles	90	2/25/2023
Torso Twist	30	2/26/2023
Step up	25	2/25/2023
Desk pushups	30	2/26/2023
Knee to Elbows	50	2/25/2023
Calf raises	32	2/26/2023

[fleaball]

3 hours ago, Bean Sidhe said:

(and I am a coder, report creator and report distributor, trainer (written and now video), state reporter,  documentation writer, outreach to basically vendors,  projects lead,  and the person every other department reaches out to for questions

copy and paste this into your resume like right now. if/when you finally want to look for a new gig you can finesse it then, but these are absolutely the kinds of things you want to talk about. If you save it somewhere now you're a step ahead when it comes to resume-ing.

 

3 hours ago, Bean Sidhe said:

So yea, new guy loves to joke about the aliens that comes to get him every day and mess with his brain. I lost patience with it a few months ago. Instead I ignore it, but now I am anti-social.  so I am kinda rooting for the aliens.

okay, I vote for this guy in particular to get eaten by a shark then, since he's already okay with aliens.