[Scaly Freak]

The morning started out great. Scalyfreak woke up in the Temple of Iron, safe and sound and well rested. She ate her breakfast, washed in the basin behind the altar and refilled her water skin from the stream. She dressed for the road, packed up her belongings, and begun the days travels.

 

She barely made it half a mile before the storm hit. Heavy rain that soon turned into hail, gusts of wind so strong she struggles to stay upright, and (bizarrely) the roar of thunder. As if this wasn't bad enough, when the next bolt lightning streaks across the sky the silhouette of Stress-Hydra appears on the horizon, several of her heads turned in Scalyfreak's direction; smiling.

 

Screw this. Scalyfreak turns and traces her path back though the forest... through the mud and water and winds, until she reaches the Temple of Iron again and crawls in, her legs too unsteady to be trusted in the powerful winds that have turned the hail from an inconvenience into pummeling experience. The unmistakable hissing and stomping of Stress-Hydra draws nearer, but the monster thankfully is too far away to be able to do anything as Scalyfreak finally manages to close the temple doors, despite the wind's best efforts to slam them open.

 

The silence inside the temple feels eerie and unsettling by contrast to the outside, but the calm doesn't last for long... Scalyfreak yelps in frightened surprise when the entire building begins to sway, and curls up underneath altar, both arms wrapped around her head for protection while she waits for the earth quake to pass. The temple may be safe... but the rest of the world is in complete disarray.

 

 

Before diving straight this challenge period, here's a brief “intro” for anyone who doesn't know me very well:

 

Spoiler

I cheerfully approach all my challenges as video game quests, with boss fights and level grinding, I have re-framed my anxiety into pyromancy (specifically, the Flame of Anxiety), because it's very destructive when it flares up and gets out of control. But like pyromancy, if the chaos is embraced and can be harnessed, all that energy can be used against against my enemies. In fireball form.

 

Track record in my boss fights so far:

 

• Self-Sabotage drains levels and health, and heals herself with what she drains from her opponent.
  • Current strategy: Run and hide
• Procrastination is good at hiding and then hitting me with a back-stab when I least expect it.
  • Current strategy: Pretend to ignore and deal with her later, while secretly plotting to use the bullet journal calendar thingy to ambush her back.
• Self-Indulgence was gradually convinced it would be easier for her to reach her goals if we worked together. Before the alliance fell apart on its own, Self-Indulgence was viciously killed by a very angry unicorn, that has not been seen or heard from since then.
  • Current strategy: Dance on her grave
• Stress-Hydra spawns whenever too many things are happening at once, or when something really big and overwhelming happens, and cutting off one of her seven heads makes no difference because it re-spawns a replacement head almost immediately.
  • Current strategy: The Herakles Method - Ask for help

 

I'm currently dual-classing as a Warrior Druid, because meditation is a great way to quietly build Endurance and Resilience stats while figuring out how to make my need for sleep work with my need to make my body lift things and move and generally be active in a way that builds strength and resilience.

 

 

Earlier this week, I learned the hard way that being absolutely brilliant at my job did not actually make me immune to the cost savings driven layoffs happening at work.

 

I'm officially “on the books” until the end of February, and will continue to get paid during this period. There is also a severance thing that gives more money to help me out while looking for a new employer, and a bunch of stuff I need to do and deal with... they helpfully emailed me a checklist, that Husband and I spent today going over together, to make sure I'm getting every single little crumb these ungrateful weasels owe me.

 

So now I need to find a new job. Happy fucking birthday to me.

 

(I may be a little bitter. I'm working on it.)

 

Recover HP (physical health)

Continue going for walks every day and the gym three days per week. Absolutely do not use this as an excuse to stop taking care of my body.

 

Restore Mana (mental health)

Meditation has been upgraded from “necessary” to “critical”. Being unemployed is rocket fuel on The Flame of Anxiety.

 

Regenerate Stamina (emotional bandwidth)

Actively resist the temptation to sink into over-analysis and bitterness. Nothing can change what happened, but I can change how it affects me by choosing what to focus on, and what I think about what happened. And I will not let this ruin all the hard work I have put into my mental health. My former employer does not deserve that kind of power over me.

 

 

 

[Tanktimus the Encourager]

Poop on the capitalist pig-dogs who laid you off. 

 

[KB Girl]

Ugh I’m sorry  what a stupid thing to do.. I’d say ‘their loss’ but ofc its not that simple. 

[sarakingdom]

Oh, boo! That is awful. Modern capitalism is rubbish, and does not serve the human inside the machine.

 

17 hours ago, Scaly Freak said:

Being unemployed is rocket fuel on The Flame of Anxiety.

 

Yes. Yes, it is. And all sorts of other weirdness, too. It does the worst things to my head.

[Harriet]

I'm very sorry. Being in between jobs must be very stressful, though I am confident you will find something else. I wish you great fortitude and calm in this time of change.

[Scaly Freak]

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

[Ann of Owlshire]

Epica - Unleashed was something I listened to a lot once upon a time. I should load up the symphonic metal again in my life...

 

I'm sorry about the lay off. I hope someone soon recognizes your brilliance ❤️ You got this!

 

[Scaly Freak]

10 hours ago, Ann of Owlshire said:

Epica - Unleashed was something I listened to a lot once upon a time. I should load up the symphonic metal again in my life...

 

You absolutely should. May I suggest Nightwish, Within Temptation, and Opeth, while you're at it?

[Ahyar Dreamspark]

Argh, that suuucks about the layoff ☹️ I hope the severance pay is a good amount and that you can find a new job ASAP.

 

The music in this thread is A+

[Scaly Freak]

3 hours ago, Ahyar Dreamspark said:

The music in this thread is A+

 

Thank you! Music has been my sanctuary for a long time.  

 

Hiding this one because it has spoilers for Bill & Ted Face the Music, and yes, that is a movie that needs to be fully experienced. It's one of the very few good things to come out of 2020. 

 

 

Spoiler

 

 

 

 

[Kishi]

On 2/9/2023 at 6:50 PM, Scaly Freak said:

Earlier this week, I learned the hard way that being absolutely brilliant at my job did not actually make me immune to the cost savings driven layoffs happening at work.

 

I'm officially “on the books” until the end of February, and will continue to get paid during this period. There is also a severance thing that gives more money to help me out while looking for a new employer, and a bunch of stuff I need to do and deal with... they helpfully emailed me a checklist, that Husband and I spent today going over together, to make sure I'm getting every single little crumb these ungrateful weasels owe me.

 

So now I need to find a new job. Happy fucking birthday to me.

 

 

[Loveable_Bouncer]

Damn... glad you are taking the self-care by the fists while you are able to get what you need. 

Will be catching up on your music tonight!

[XBlackWidowX]

I am sorry about your job! I had a similar situation years ago, it seemed like the end of the world for me at that time, because I loved that job so much. I was sure I'd never find anything so good. But here I am, at a workplace that's 10000% better! Sometimes such unexpected changes turn out to be much better than it seemed at the time.

 

A little bit too strong for me, but a cool song (in the first post). I like the message. Music for true warriors!

[Mistr]

That sucks that you got laid off. Your former employer is stupid.

 

My sympathy on having to hunt for a new job. I've always hated that process.

 

If it is any comfort, the job market is vastly different now than it has been in our lifetimes. There are more open positions than there are people looking for work. This has not happened since WWII. You are in a position to be highly selective about your next position. You can probably get several prospective employers making bids to get you to join them.

[Scaly Freak]

So I am off to a slow start this challenge. The updates below apply to this week so far (weeks start on Mondays!):

 

Recover HP (physical health)

Gym has not happened. However, walking has, including an unusually long walk I went on by myself yesterday. It was lovely.

 

Restore Mana (mental health)

I've been struggling to meditate - my brain just won't stop spinning.  I am stubbornly  sitting down to do it every day none the less, because part mistakes have taught me that when meditation feels the most futile, that is when it's really needed. 

 

Regenerate Stamina (emotional bandwidth)

Trying to avoid over-analyzing while at the same time working my way through my post-employment checklist isn't as easy as it sounds. I'm very grateful to the therapist who taught me how to prevent my brain from running off in negative directions and overwhelming me when things become too stressful.

 

In addition to the work situation I am going on a trip to visit family in Sweden, my flight takes off February 20, which of course is adding to the stress. Walking and moving and working out hasn't been this important or this helpful, in a long time.

 

 

 

[Jean]

There's nothing I can say you don't know already.

 

It's nice to see you keep being awesome no matter what. Crumbling inside and letting it out is also part of being great.

 

Be kind to yourself.

[KB Girl]

I'm sorry it adds stress, but a trip to Sweden does sound really great and hopefully probably very worth it  

 

[Heidi]

Ugh, being between jobs is such a difficult spot.

Props to you for keeping with the meditiation -- you're 100% right about needing it most when it seems least possible. You continue to be an inspiration to me.

 

So much good music.  

[XBlackWidowX]

On 2/16/2023 at 5:20 AM, Scaly Freak said:

Trying to avoid over-analyzing while at the same time working my way through my post-employment checklist isn't as easy as it sounds. I'm very grateful to the therapist who taught me how to prevent my brain from running off in negative directions and overwhelming me when things become too stressful.

 

It's great you know how to take care of yourself and prevent yourself from spinning down, so to say. It's a very important skill. 

 

On 2/16/2023 at 5:20 AM, Scaly Freak said:

In addition to the work situation I am going on a trip to visit family in Sweden, my flight takes off February 20, which of course is adding to the stress. Walking and moving and working out hasn't been this important or this helpful, in a long time

Family visits can be stressful. Wish you it'll go smoothly! Do you originally come from Sweden?

[Harriet]

Oooh. Do you visit Sweden often?

[Scaly Freak]

7 hours ago, XBlackWidowX said:

Family visits can be stressful. Wish you it'll go smoothly! Do you originally come from Sweden?

 

Yes. That's why my family is there.  

 

3 hours ago, Harriet said:

Oooh. Do you visit Sweden often?

 

Not as often as i'd like. There was this big COVID thing that messed with everyone's plans for a while.

 

Recover HP (physical health)

Gym still has not happened, but for now I am fine with that. I've been walking every day, and stretching, and I intend to pack at least two sets of workout clothes for my trip, just in case I get the opportunity to visit a gym.

 

Restore Mana (mental health)

I found a 7-day course in Insight Timer that claimed to be geared towards helping us get out of our own way during life challenges in general. It used the phrase "learn how to stop self-sabotage", so of course I had to sign up.  I finished Day 5 earlier this morning.

 

Regenerate Stamina (emotional bandwidth)

I've done my best to avoid over-thinking, but it's difficult when my days have been filled with CV updating and scrolling through job postings. Today and yesterday I have deliberately ignored my job situation and focused on my upcoming trip. I don't feel as stressed about traveling this time, for some reason. Interesting, but also very nice.

[Jean]

I like the "how to stop self-sabotage" stuff, at the very least, they're great at marketing. How are you liking this course so far?

[Scaly Freak]

34 minutes ago, Jean said:

I like the "how to stop self-sabotage" stuff, at the very least, they're great at marketing. How are you liking this course so far?

 

I'm enjoying it enough that I have bookmarked it, and intend to revisit it again in a few months. I like that it focuses on one single thing at a time, to try and set people up for succeeding at their goals. The session about toxic habits was very specific about the importance of starting with the habit that will be the easiest to change, instead of going straight for the one we think will have the greatest impact, because the purpose is not to reach our final goal as quickly as possible, it is to be successful at changing a single habit. Once we have accomplished that, we can proceed change another habit, one at a time.

 

It's very similar to what the NF blog and newsletters have been saying for a while, which probably is why I like it. It resonates.  

[Mistr]

I hope you have a great trip and come home to a lot of good job opportunities.  

[Harriet]

23 hours ago, Scaly Freak said:

Not as often as i'd like. There was this big COVID thing that messed with everyone's plans for a while.

 

Yes, there was. Same reason I haven't been to Oz in years.

 

23 hours ago, Scaly Freak said:

It used the phrase "learn how to stop self-sabotage", so of course I had to sign up.  I finished Day 5 earlier this morning.

 

Is it proving useful or interesting so far?