[Sovalis]

Oh yikes, poor Cleo. That absolutely should not be happening. I hope they can get it sorted and everything covered off in the proper way as quickly as possible. 

 

I am glad you can be in a supporting position and that you are feeling relieved about it. I hope that Dumbledore and his brother communicate well and that you don’t have to do anything too difficult to implement. I don’t have any experience with this kind of situation so I don’t have anything really useful to say, just hopes that it all goes well. 

 

Have a good time at your seminar!

[Mistr]

This is the first time I have been one of the responsible adults in an estate situation. My brothers and I helped with the funeral and arrangements when my dad died, but we did not have to do any estate things. My mom told me that I will be the executor of the estate when she dies, so I am learning everything I can now. 

 

Playing a new computer game is doing amazing things for my attitude. I am being as efficient as I can about getting things done so that I can have fun time.

 

I am going to start the game again from the beginning. This will be my third round. I was making good progress with my first character, but realized that I had made some unfortunate decisions and missed a bunch of stuff. My second character was going well up until the last session, when I could not figure out why they did not have an essential piece of technology. I suspect I may have clicked through something too fast and missed it. I am going to try again using what I have learned so far and taking it slower.

[Scaly Freak]

15 hours ago, Mistr said:

Cleo talked with a pharmacist yesterday and learned that one of her seizure meds interacts badly with her other meds. To add insult to injury, this med should not be prescribed for anyone who has a history of stomach ulcers, which she has. My opinion of her medical team is dropping rapidly.

 

They all know that she is trying to manage multiple chronic conditions. That is exactly the case where a doctor should be concerned about drug interactions. Clearly that cross-checking did not happen. It is the main network in town associated with the university medical school and hospital. They should know better.

 

 

Oh for the love of cheesecakes. 🤦‍♀️

 

(I'm spending time with my very young and impressionable sibling-kids. The siblings have informed me that all cussing is to be kept to a minimum, so... cheesecakes.)

 

Can Cleo get access to a different medical team? Or can she make a list of what the phramacist told her and bring this to the provider and show them, along with asking "so how come I had to find this out by asking a pharmacist?"  

[Harriet]

On 3/2/2023 at 6:57 PM, Mistr said:

Cleo talked with a pharmacist yesterday and learned that one of her seizure meds interacts badly with her other meds. To add insult to injury, this med should not be prescribed for anyone who has a history of stomach ulcers, which she has. My opinion of her medical team is dropping rapidly.

 

They all know that she is trying to manage multiple chronic conditions. That is exactly the case where a doctor should be concerned about drug interactions. Clearly that cross-checking did not happen. It is the main network in town associated with the university medical school and hospital. They should know better.

 

Oh for flip's sake, that's outrageous. Really upsetting. We trust doctors for this stuff. Well I hope they can find a better combination of treatments.

 

 

 

[Mistr]

Trip Report

 

I am back from a week in the sunny southwest. Not what I would call a fun vacation, but a very successful week with a lot of good bits.

 

All of Dumbledore's family was there for the funeral on Tuesday. We got to spend some time with his uncle, who we have not seen in years. He told some fascinating stories about Dumbledore's mom and grandfather. I got to meet the oldest nephew's wife in person for the first time.

 

Most of the time was spent dealing with my mil's house and affairs. Dumbledore's brother had already been staying there for a week and dealt with a lot of stuff. His wife was there a day before us and worked hard to sort out the bills and papers. She had to deal with other estates on her side of the family, so she knew what needed to be done. She put together a report of all the regular bills and noted which ones we had to keep paying and which accounts could be closed. She made a list of the high priority items and we got to work on those.

 

My sister-in-law joked that we were the backup singers at the event. We would jump in when needed, but Dumbledore and his brother were making the decisions. That was a nice change for me, because my normal life has me being the primary responsible person most of the time. When I was not running errands, I could just work on cleaning and sorting things in the house. Reducing the level of chaos made everyone feel better.

 

Some estate things I learned:

• It is really helpful to your family to have a joint account or a shared safe deposit box with cash so that they can take care of bills. In the US, there is a 30 day period after a person dies before their designated assets are released to the beneficiaries. If the departed family member has any individual assets like a house or a car, that means their family has to pay the bills before they have access to any individual back accounts. We were lucky because Dumbledore's mom set up "transfer on death" forms for her house and accounts. If a person dies without a will and the estate goes to probate, the family will not get access to bank accounts for months and will have to pay expenses out-of-pocket.
• There are a lot of expenses when someone dies. I got some idea of this when my dad died ten years ago. Prices have gone up. The person may have insurance that will cover many of the expenses, but the insurance money will not be available right away. The funeral or arrangements have to be paid for now. Again, it will help to have $10,000 readily available. I wish I was making up that number. I'm not. 
• The funeral industry preys on grieving relatives. Save everyone a lot of trouble and spell out how you want your family to deal with your earthly remains and what kind of memorial you would like. They may ignore your wishes, but that is their problem if they do. Having a directive could save someone you love a lot of decision anxiety and headaches. If you have strong feelings, set up what you want and pay for it ahead of time.
• You already know that having a will is important. If the situation is simple, other legal documents and arrangements can handle the transfer of assets and belongings. If the situation is more complicated, a will is essential. The documents have to be signed and notarized or filed with the appropriate authorities to be valid.

I am really glad that Dumbledore and his brother are on good terms and generally agree about what they want to have happen. Even with everyone getting along, it was emotionally exhausting.

 

Thankfully my young people took care of things at home while we were gone so we could chill out when we got home. 💗

[Mistr]

On 3/3/2023 at 3:55 AM, Scaly Freak said:

Can Cleo get access to a different medical team? Or can she make a list of what the phramacist told her and bring this to the provider and show them, along with asking "so how come I had to find this out by asking a pharmacist?"  

 

The short answer is "no". Cleo needs too many different specialists that are only available through the university here. Personally, I moved to a different medical practice years ago because I got fed up with the university system repeatedly making me change primary care providers. You would think having everyone in the same system would make it easier, but so far that has not been true.

 

More details

Spoiler

Cleo stopped taking the medication that was making her sick, against the advice of her doctors. They wanted her to stop taking a different medication that was helping with seizures and nightmares. She has now stopped taking both and can keep food down most of the time. However, she is having bad nightmares again and is not getting decent sleep. She is going to talk to her psychiatrist and see if they will advocate for her with the other doctors.

 

On, and to top it off, she caught Covid, so she had to miss a GI appointment last week.

 

Elf has not been handling stress well and is going to drop out of their community college classes again. They have been applying for jobs and had a good interview last week. I hope they can find a decent job and get into a routine that supports them taking care of themself and Cleo.

 

I really think Elf should be working full time if they are not in school, but I'm not going to say a word until they find a decent job. They will take a bad job if they feel pressured.

 

Another positive note - Dumbledore decided to stop eating potato chips and dip. He has been feeling better and is losing weight. He is noticing more how eating in the evening messes up his sleep. He is working out more regularly and seeing the results. He was very pleased to show me that his new slacks are loose around the waist and he is down to the tightest notch on his belt.

 

For my part, I am feeling ready to respawn. That will be my next challenge.  

[Sovalis]

I am so glad your trip went as well as it did and that you were able to transition back to being at home with a minimum of home related stress. Thank you for your bullet points; I know that I need to get a will drawn up and handle some of that pre-planning. Dave’s stuff is handled through the army, but my work doesn’t have any requirements for such things to be done. I appreciate your candour about these things, as it’s something I don’t have much experience with. 

 

I look forward to cheering on your respawn!

[Mistr]

On 3/13/2023 at 7:57 PM, Sovalis said:

Thank you for your bullet points; I know that I need to get a will drawn up and handle some of that pre-planning. Dave’s stuff is handled through the army, but my work doesn’t have any requirements for such things to be done. I appreciate your candour about these things, as it’s something I don’t have much experience with. 

 

No one wants to think about dying, either for themself or for their loved ones. So we don't talk enough about things you need to know. The situations are different if one person in a household dies versus if the person lives alone, or if two people are killed in an accident. Younger people need to consider "what would my family need to handle if I was hit by a bus?"  One of the most important things is having beneficiaries designated on your accounts. That includes bank accounts, insurance and retirement accounts. The emotional side of losing someone is bad enough without layering major expenses on top of it.

[Mistr]

This week is going well so far.

 

Last weekend my dojo hosted an aikido seminar with a 7th degree blackbelt from Sweden. He is an amazing teacher in addition to having great skills. I came back from traveling (with little exercise) and went to the dojo for four days. I was tired enough after the Friday evening class to know that I was not going to do all the classes on Saturday. I just went to the morning session. That was a good decision. I compared notes with people at the Saturday evening party. Several said that they ran out of steam before the end of the Saturday afternoon class.

 

The highlight of the seminar was the Monday evening class. The dojo was full all weekend with locals and people from other dojos. On Monday there were just 11 of us and the teacher. One of those students was our chief instructor, who is also a 7th degree black belt. It was an awesome class. I have a lot of things to study. At the end of class he said that his goal was to inspire us to explore and experiment, not to teach us aikido. I think he succeeded.  

 

Yesterday I followed my plan and did zen before work, aikido at lunch and worked on the basement remodeling project after work. I picked a small task for the remodeling project - just to patch the holes where the covers go for the heating vents. I discovered that one of the vents had holes drilled in a location that made it impossible to get an outlet cover in place. I am fixing this. The more I work on my house, the more evidence I find that it was remodeled by DIY owners who did not know what they were doing. I want to do more painting this weekend, but I think that will have to wait until I get the taxes done. Those have a firm deadline.

 

Today I did cardio at lunch. I wanted to use a rowing machine, but the exercise area I went to did not have one. I used an elliptical instead. My cardio endurance sucks. I did 20 minutes at a walking pace and was feeling it well before the end.

 

This evening my task is to deal with the laundry, then I can play my game. 

[Kishi]

Seminars just be like that. There's a reason other people are asking these teachers to come out and teach. Generally, traveling teachers are very, very good at imparting knowledge. And personally, I find the break in routine to be a lot of fun. Sounds like you had a lot of fun too.

[Harriet]

Argh, I made a reply and didn't post it somehow. I'm sorry that Cleo and Elf are both struggling in different ways. I hope that Cleo gets some medical solutions and that Elf finds a path forward.

 

And wow, 10,000 is pretty expensive just to die. Can we do anything without paying for it? Breathing maybe, since not breathing will cost us dearly?

[Mistr]

Challenge Wrap-up

 

I had modest goals this challenge:

On 2/13/2023 at 12:33 PM, Mistr said:

1. Get lots of sleep. My body is still recovering. Even though I want to be back to normal, I need to rebuild. Go to bed early.

2. Some movement every day. Start with yoga and aikido, then add strength training and cardio back in.

3. Keep doing 30 minutes of zazen a day. I got a good streak going last challenge, keep that up this time.

 

I want to lose the weight I gained, but I think that should wait until the next challenge. For now, I will just work on not mindlessly snacking on sweets.

 

I did well on the sleep. I even had moderate amounts of caffeine a few days and did not have sleep failures afterwards. The combination of melatonin and ibuprofen is working for me.

 

Movement was less successful. I did some, but there were days when I did not do anything. Not because I was too tired or busy, but just no motivation. That is a concerning issue.

 

Zazen was pretty good. Not quite as consistent as January, but still mostly on track. I know I do better when I sit first thing in the morning. I just need to have better sleep hygiene on weekends so I will get up and do it.

 

My mental health is much better than last fall. I will talk more about that in my next challenge.

 

On 3/18/2023 at 3:23 AM, Harriet said:

Argh, I made a reply and didn't post it somehow. I'm sorry that Cleo and Elf are both struggling in different ways. I hope that Cleo gets some medical solutions and that Elf finds a path forward.

 

In family news, Cleo and Elf are both feeling better. They have been out and around more and are doing more cooking. Unfortunately, the health problems resulted in both of them having to drop out of school this semester.

 

On 3/18/2023 at 3:23 AM, Harriet said:

And wow, 10,000 is pretty expensive just to die. Can we do anything without paying for it? Breathing maybe, since not breathing will cost us dearly?

 

There are some things a family could do without paying for it, like holding a memorial service at a venue which is much less expensive than a funeral home. Cremation is substantially cheaper than embalming, but still pricy. The funeral home we worked with took care of embalming, hosting the funeral and dealing with the paperwork.  That cost $6000. We paid the clergyperson separately.

 

Burial in a cemetery is crazy expensive. I did not include that in the list above. When my dad died, I talked to the cemetery people. My parents already owned a lot in the cemetery. They charge $1000s to dig a hole and fill it up again. My mom decided not to do that. Dad's ashes are in a fancy jade urn in Mom's living room. 

 

I am sure there will be a substantial charge to put an urn with my mother-in-law's ashes in a niche next to my nephew's ashes. I have not heard about that yet. It is on the list of things Dumbledore's brother is handling.

[Scaly Freak]

2 hours ago, Mistr said:

My mental health is much better than last fall.

 

Seeing this made me smile. I'm happy for you.   

 

2 hours ago, Mistr said:

In family news, Cleo and Elf are both feeling better. They have been out and around more and are doing more cooking. Unfortunately, the health problems resulted in both of them having to drop out of school this semester.

 

I'm glad Elf and Cleo are doing better, albeit frustrating to have to drop out of school. At the same time, school can be resumed, but lost health is... well, lost. And I may be reading too much into things, but being around more and helping more could be interpreted as a sign of more energy and better mental health? I really hope so. They've dealt with a lot more than anyone should need to, they deserve to have a good life from here on.