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KB Girl doesn't go it alone


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On 3/30/2023 at 8:31 AM, KB Girl said:

Yesterday I did the therapy thing again, did a something workout (paused squats, KB deadlifts and pull-ups), then later did a second something workout (70 kettlebell jerks), took my youngest to her gym class, made a scary phone call and baked croissants with my eldest.

 

OH WOW did you make puff pastry? That is some high level baking.

 

On 3/30/2023 at 8:31 AM, KB Girl said:

I also picked a fight with Jaap. I did backup and apologise quickly but I wish I didn’t want to bite his head off just because he asked how I was doing. 


I think you're actually in a pretty good place if you know your behaviour was irrational and you took steps to correct it quickly. The worst possibility is not even being aware that one's reaction is irrational, and thinking that the emotions are an objective reflection of reality. I know this because I can also overreact, but my response is crying, not anger.

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On 3/30/2023 at 8:38 AM, Scaly Freak said:

 

This is oh so very familiar. When I do this, it's a serious anxiety symptom.

 

While I would never want to presume to tell you what causes hardship for you, I would like to suggest that it could be worth it to try and look past the surface reason for why you wanted to bite Jaap's head off, and try to figure out why that question bothered you so much.

 

Also, introspection sucks and is not for the faint of heart.

It's an anxiety symptom for me too. I think it was part frustration with feeling like I couldn't explain how I am doing in a way that he would understand and part fear/anxiety that he would think badly of me. Which is simple projection, because I think badly of me, but he generally does not. 

 

On 3/30/2023 at 11:02 AM, Alanna said:

I hope your Wednesday therapy session was helpful - how is asking/receiving help going?

 

I'll gentle second this, @Scaly Freak makes a great point. You also probably had a lot going on emotionally between the phone call and the therapy appointment (I always found them to be emotionally exhausting, even if they went "well"), so it's not surprising that you had a strong reaction to a trigger that hit some (currently unknown) button.  Also wanted to say that it's really impressive how quickly you recognised the strong reaction and apologised!

The asking for help is going reasonably well actually, I'm getting better at communicating my difficulty with certain things and people are pretty great and will usually help m e ask for help from there. 

 

Oh definitely not an unknown button, a very big not feeling good enough button. And thank you, I've unfortunately had quite a bit of progress with recognising and apologising, which is actually why it frustrates me- I would much rather prevent that part, but alas. But I should also be glad I've gotten decent at recognising/apologising, thank you for reminding me. 

 

On 3/30/2023 at 4:14 PM, DaemonCorax said:

 

Historically in this house I am the one who does this. If MFH snaps it is because of obvious stressors in the moment. If I snap it's more like a verbal lunge from the depths of some rage and fear-infested hole. It was MUCH worse in my first pregnancy. I hated it. I felt awful for how I behaved. But it came from a deep fear of abandonment and lack of being heard. We moved through a lot of it and that's probably why it doesn't happen any more - there's more understanding between us. I haven't magically become a better person. The in-the-moment snapping though still deserves some analysis. It's obviously a product of overwhelm and too-many-things. Hugs are good. Figuring out if there are patterns in your responsibilities, both in and out of the house, that are pushing you too far is worth some time. It's never "as soon as this thing X is over things will easier." There is always a next thing and its worth keep our relationships durable to the never-ending rotation. (For us this has meant that we chronically set too many goals for ourselves individually and as a household and need to back off and filter better to enjoy the things we care about most.)

Fear-infested hole is pretty accurate. Hormones definitely make it worse- which is why I track my cycle meticulously and give Jaap warnings, mark the calendar and everything. I think we're in that same process you guys moved through- I just really wish it was already done- but I am very overwhelmed at the moment so perhaps a relapse is quite logical. More hugs shall be requested and yes.. we've agreed that I need to unload some of my responsibilities- but it's hard not to feel so guilty about it. And it's also hard to let go of some goals.. 

 

On 4/1/2023 at 3:29 PM, Harriet said:

OH WOW did you make puff pastry? That is some high level baking.


I think you're actually in a pretty good place if you know your behaviour was irrational and you took steps to correct it quickly. The worst possibility is not even being aware that one's reaction is irrational, and thinking that the emotions are an objective reflection of reality. I know this because I can also overreact, but my response is crying, not anger.

Well it was actually store bought puff pastry that we rolled up and stuffed with jam and chocolate :D 

 

Yes, definitely been there. What I find most difficult about that is when because of your irrational reaction to something then that is the topic of the fight/conversation etc, and the thing that actually triggered the overreaction is then not talked about anymore, even though, while it didn't deserve that strong of a reaction, it was still something that needed talking about. 

For me it depends on where I'm at in my cycle wether I will cry or rage. Wednesday was a bit of a surprise because I thought I was at the crying stage (the crying stage is also a lot longer than the raging stage). 

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KB Quest: becoming a decent kettlebell lifter and an excellent coach

2023 goals tracker; cycling: 1047,7/5000km & reading to my kids: 58/365 days (updated may 1st)

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Yesterday I did a lot of prep work for our annual competition the next day. I also took my 6yo to swimming class and cooked dinner. And I did Bulgarian split squats for my very minimal something workout. 

 

Today was comp day and it was excellent. I am always intensely grateful for how many people help out with the event, how much everyone enjoys it and the general awesomeness getting to be the coach of my wonderful team. 

 

I also competed, I hadn't actually trained the sport lifts since being on holiday and then getting so sick (so not for 6 weeks!), but I always compete because that's what I tell my team they should do (it's always valuable experience). The result wasn't bad considering the circumstances, thanks to 10 years of experience. I will be incredibly insanely sore for the coming couple of days though. 

 

Someone send me this photo of my daughter watching my jerk set ❤️

She watched the entire 10 minute thing non stop. 

1336953582_WhatsAppImage2023-04-02at12_54_59.jpeg.80b7c8f686371a758aa1dd60aae00a6b.jpeg

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KB Quest: becoming a decent kettlebell lifter and an excellent coach

2023 goals tracker; cycling: 1047,7/5000km & reading to my kids: 58/365 days (updated may 1st)

my instagram - my gym's instagram

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24 minutes ago, KB Girl said:

I also competed, I hadn't actually trained the sport lifts since being on holiday and then getting so sick (so not for 6 weeks!), but I always compete because that's what I tell my team they should do (it's always valuable experience). The result wasn't bad considering the circumstances, thanks to 10 years of experience. I will be incredibly insanely sore for the coming couple of days though. 

 

Someone send me this photo of my daughter watching my jerk set ❤️

She watched the entire 10 minute thing non stop. 

 

I'm glad the competition went well! You are a great role model for your students and daughter :) 

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1 hour ago, KB Girl said:

Yes, definitely been there. What I find most difficult about that is when because of your irrational reaction to something then that is the topic of the fight/conversation etc, and the thing that actually triggered the overreaction is then not talked about anymore, even though, while it didn't deserve that strong of a reaction, it was still something that needed talking about. 

 

Excellent summary of one of the bigger problems with how anxiety causes disproportionately strong reactions to little things. Anxiety takes over more often than it should.

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Your daughter is watching with rapt attention! I bet she is waiting for the day when she gets to play at the competition too! That's great that you make it a discipline to compete at each meet.

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Wozza momma!!!  Those are some heavy weights. I am always in awe of women that are never afraid of the big ones. 

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You're doing so awesome.

 

Acknowledging that you're overwhelmed and that your family has to let go of some goals is hard. We've iterated back adn forth so many times over the past 4 years. It took MFH getting really sick and pushing an manageable autoimmune condition to the point where his normal treatment was broken and THEN getting a stomach bug with no immune system and not having the strength walk out of our room for a couple days (this was the end of Jan this year) for us to have the conversation and look at our responsibilities with the gloves off so to speak. Both of us are very driven people. He works for a small shop and is the only manager. It's a wonderful team, but his natural instinct  is to throw too much of himself at it. I'm an aerospace engineer, just finished a COVID-length (2.5 year) massive push in the lab in September. Last spring (2022) I was the one getting sick every 3 weeks due to stress and exhaustion. My work is more cyclical fortunately, but an effort like that will come again in a couple years. At the end of the day we bothered to have kid(s), and it matters to us both very much that we expose them to the things we love, we take them outside, we try to share our best selves with them, and at the same time give them structure to be kind functioning humans later on. That means pouring less of ourselves into our jobs in a way that is extremely poorly demonstrated in the US, where everything in our generation is hustle and grind. We are extremely lucky. We have enough stability to choose to step back. But it hasn't been in our nature or well practiced. The Dec-March period this year was a breaking point for us and I hope the lesson stays learned.

 

 

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On 4/2/2023 at 10:21 PM, Alanna said:

 

I'm glad the competition went well! You are a great role model for your students and daughter :) 

thank you! That is definitely my aim :) 
 

On 4/2/2023 at 11:20 PM, Scaly Freak said:

 

Excellent summary of one of the bigger problems with how anxiety causes disproportionately strong reactions to little things. Anxiety takes over more often than it should.

If only it were a real demon we could somehow permanently slay.
 

23 hours ago, Elastigirl said:

Your daughter is watching with rapt attention! I bet she is waiting for the day when she gets to play at the competition too! That's great that you make it a discipline to compete at each meet.

I don’t know if she’s interested, she may want to be more like her dad- and that’s okay! 
one of my goals is also to grow the sport and I think it makes a difference to compete as often as possible.
 

10 hours ago, Sepherina said:

Wozza momma!!!  Those are some heavy weights. I am always in awe of women that are never afraid of the big ones. 

Just 12kg bells this time because I hadn’t trained much, but hopefully I’ll be back to the 16s soon :) 

 

5 hours ago, DaemonCorax said:

You're doing so awesome.

 

Acknowledging that you're overwhelmed and that your family has to let go of some goals is hard. We've iterated back adn forth so many times over the past 4 years. It took MFH getting really sick and pushing an manageable autoimmune condition to the point where his normal treatment was broken and THEN getting a stomach bug with no immune system and not having the strength walk out of our room for a couple days (this was the end of Jan this year) for us to have the conversation and look at our responsibilities with the gloves off so to speak. Both of us are very driven people. He works for a small shop and is the only manager. It's a wonderful team, but his natural instinct  is to throw too much of himself at it. I'm an aerospace engineer, just finished a COVID-length (2.5 year) massive push in the lab in September. Last spring (2022) I was the one getting sick every 3 weeks due to stress and exhaustion. My work is more cyclical fortunately, but an effort like that will come again in a couple years. At the end of the day we bothered to have kid(s), and it matters to us both very much that we expose them to the things we love, we take them outside, we try to share our best selves with them, and at the same time give them structure to be kind functioning humans later on. That means pouring less of ourselves into our jobs in a way that is extremely poorly demonstrated in the US, where everything in our generation is hustle and grind. We are extremely lucky. We have enough stability to choose to step back. But it hasn't been in our nature or well practiced. The Dec-March period this year was a breaking point for us and I hope the lesson stays learned.

As small business owners I definitely get putting too much of yourself into work.. we’ve always been clear that we care more about free time and time with our kids than how much money we are making, but it’s still so easy to get caught up in wanting to improve something or a project or a volunteer thing.. thanks for sharing about your breaking point, I feel like we’ve got plenty of warning already (not doing the therapy thing for nothing) and this needs a lot of attention and conversation. 

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KB Quest: becoming a decent kettlebell lifter and an excellent coach

2023 goals tracker; cycling: 1047,7/5000km & reading to my kids: 58/365 days (updated may 1st)

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As predicted today I was insanely sore. I did some mobility work, bought some compost and a couple more seedlings because I can’t help myself, spend 2 hours in the garden, had a decent day at work and read to both kids for half an hour.

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KB Quest: becoming a decent kettlebell lifter and an excellent coach

2023 goals tracker; cycling: 1047,7/5000km & reading to my kids: 58/365 days (updated may 1st)

my instagram - my gym's instagram

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Today I went to work, had people help me out with moving some furniture, dealt with an annoyingly persistent mild panic attack (triggered by failing at something), spend 3 hours in the garden and had a surprisingly nice evening with the kids. I think it helped that after coming home from the garden I had a long shower and relaxed a bit before starting the dinner/bedtime shuffle. 

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KB Quest: becoming a decent kettlebell lifter and an excellent coach

2023 goals tracker; cycling: 1047,7/5000km & reading to my kids: 58/365 days (updated may 1st)

my instagram - my gym's instagram

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More panic today, which ironically usually happens when I’m doing quite well. As Wednesday is therapy day for now we spend an hour going over why that is. Not fun, but it felt useful and I am feeling a tiny bit of hope that this might actually work and that comes with a truckload of fear that it will not. Typing this before I go home after my evening shift at work, and I am mentioning that because I want it noted here that I do not want a repeat of last Wednesday and do not want to snap at Jaap when I come home. 

 

Today I also had a friend over for tea, took my youngest to her gym class, got some street food with the girls (haring!), did a lot of cleaning around the house and did a something workout (Bulgarian split squats and pull-ups). 

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KB Quest: becoming a decent kettlebell lifter and an excellent coach

2023 goals tracker; cycling: 1047,7/5000km & reading to my kids: 58/365 days (updated may 1st)

my instagram - my gym's instagram

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Good job discussing your fears with your therapist! And good job mentally preparing yourself for possible emotional responses! I hope you are able to be mindful of your immediate response but also be able to express yourself honestly. :)

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4 hours ago, KB Girl said:

As Wednesday is therapy day for now we spend an hour going over why that is. Not fun, but it felt useful and I am feeling a tiny bit of hope that this might actually work and that comes with a truckload of fear that it will not.

 

Therapy can be really frightening, and often doesn't feel good at all. 

 

It's like having food poisoning and knowing that if you'd just get the bad food out you'd feel better... but the process of sending the bad seafood out the way it came in, is painful and gross and everyone hates doing it. 😛 

 

4 hours ago, KB Girl said:

Typing this before I go home after my evening shift at work, and I am mentioning that because I want it noted here that I do not want a repeat of last Wednesday and do not want to snap at Jaap when I come home. 

 

And that's more than half the battle, right there. :) 

 

Did you win?

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The Great Reading Thread of 2024

“I've always believed that failure is non-existent. What is failure? You go to the end of the season, then you lose the Super Bowl. Is that failing? To most people, maybe. But when you're picking apart why you failed, and now you're learning from that, then is that really failing? I don't think so." - Kobe Bryant, 1978-2020. Rest in peace, great warrior.

Personal Challenges, a.k.a.The Saga of Scalyfreak: Tutorial; Ch 1; Ch 2; Ch 3; Ch 4; Ch 5; Ch 6; Intermission; Intermission II; Ch 7; Ch 8; Ch 9; Ch 10; Ch 11; Ch 12 ; Ch 13; Ch 14Ch 15; Ch 16; Ch 17; Intermission IIICh 18; Ch 19; Ch 20; Ch 21; Ch 22; Ch 23; Ch 24; Ch 25; Intermission IV; Ch 26; Ch 27; Ch 28; Ch 29; Ch 30; Ch 31; Ch 32; Ch 33; Ch 34; Ch 35; Ch 36; Ch 37; Ch 38; Ch 39; Ch 40; Intermission V; Ch 41; Ch 42; Ch 43; Ch 44; Ch 45; Ch 46; Ch 47; Intermission VI; Ch 48; Ch 49

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20 hours ago, MaeradCase said:

Good job discussing your fears with your therapist! And good job mentally preparing yourself for possible emotional responses! I hope you are able to be mindful of your immediate response but also be able to express yourself honestly. :)

It worked out quite well, thank you :)

 

19 hours ago, Scaly Freak said:

 

Therapy can be really frightening, and often doesn't feel good at all. 

 

It's like having food poisoning and knowing that if you'd just get the bad food out you'd feel better... but the process of sending the bad seafood out the way it came in, is painful and gross and everyone hates doing it. 😛 

 

 

And that's more than half the battle, right there. :) 

 

Did you win?

I did! and hah. I like and dislike your analogy at the same time xD Accurate though. 

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KB Quest: becoming a decent kettlebell lifter and an excellent coach

2023 goals tracker; cycling: 1047,7/5000km & reading to my kids: 58/365 days (updated may 1st)

my instagram - my gym's instagram

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Today my youngest had an appointment with the paediatrician for her 3 year check up, she adamantly refused weighing and measuring so all that was left to do was demonstrating that she could build a tower of blocks and draw a straight line x) 

We spend the rest of the day at my friends place whose parents have a huge property (that she also lives on). We finalised plans for turning a part of the meadow into a vegetable garden, had lunch together and build a composting area out of old pallets. The kids played together brilliantly. 

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KB Quest: becoming a decent kettlebell lifter and an excellent coach

2023 goals tracker; cycling: 1047,7/5000km & reading to my kids: 58/365 days (updated may 1st)

my instagram - my gym's instagram

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4 hours ago, KB Girl said:

I did! and hah. I like and dislike your analogy at the same time xD Accurate though. 

 

Looking back at it I feel like I should apologize an unnecessarily graphic/gross comparison, but I really couldn't think of an alternative, so... 

 

And congratulations on the win!

The Great Reading Thread of 2024

“I've always believed that failure is non-existent. What is failure? You go to the end of the season, then you lose the Super Bowl. Is that failing? To most people, maybe. But when you're picking apart why you failed, and now you're learning from that, then is that really failing? I don't think so." - Kobe Bryant, 1978-2020. Rest in peace, great warrior.

Personal Challenges, a.k.a.The Saga of Scalyfreak: Tutorial; Ch 1; Ch 2; Ch 3; Ch 4; Ch 5; Ch 6; Intermission; Intermission II; Ch 7; Ch 8; Ch 9; Ch 10; Ch 11; Ch 12 ; Ch 13; Ch 14Ch 15; Ch 16; Ch 17; Intermission IIICh 18; Ch 19; Ch 20; Ch 21; Ch 22; Ch 23; Ch 24; Ch 25; Intermission IV; Ch 26; Ch 27; Ch 28; Ch 29; Ch 30; Ch 31; Ch 32; Ch 33; Ch 34; Ch 35; Ch 36; Ch 37; Ch 38; Ch 39; Ch 40; Intermission V; Ch 41; Ch 42; Ch 43; Ch 44; Ch 45; Ch 46; Ch 47; Intermission VI; Ch 48; Ch 49

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6 hours ago, KB Girl said:

Today my youngest had an appointment with the paediatrician for her 3 year check up, she adamantly refused weighing and measuring so all that was left to do was demonstrating that she could build a tower of blocks and draw a straight line x) 

This made me smile!

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On 4/7/2023 at 1:43 AM, Scaly Freak said:

 

Looking back at it I feel like I should apologize an unnecessarily graphic/gross comparison, but I really couldn't think of an alternative, so... 

 

And congratulations on the win!

Not at all, it was a very apt comparison, don’t apologise :) and thank you very much! 

 

On 4/7/2023 at 5:46 AM, Ranger Hal said:

This made me smile!

:) I do wonder if they ever encounter 3 year olds who can’t stack blocks! My eldest refused to cooperate with those tests at all when she was 3, but when she whispered her explanation to me in perfect grownup language the lady stopped fussing about it x)

KB Quest: becoming a decent kettlebell lifter and an excellent coach

2023 goals tracker; cycling: 1047,7/5000km & reading to my kids: 58/365 days (updated may 1st)

my instagram - my gym's instagram

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Friday we had a homeschool meet where we hid eggs in the woods and drew treasure maps to keep track of them. After swimming lessons in the afternoon I went to work and joined the kettlebell class after. It was an intense class! My mom came home from visiting her brother in turkey for the past couple weeks and she’ll be staying with us for a while since she’s homeless at the moment.

 

Today I had a full work day and did a short workout during my lunch break. I wasted a lot of time unable to get started on an important task, but I did get it done in the end. In the morning we had another swimming lesson and I spoke to one of the teachers about an incident the previous day and that was a bit scary but I did it. So I suppose I did two hard things today, which is better to think about than the amount of time I wasted. 
 

(one of the teachers had grabbed my daughter by the arm pretty harshly and said ‘if you don’t do it right this time you can just go shower and go home’ which I really thought crossed a line- it was mostly hard to address because one of my best friends works there and im normally so happy with this place, they are really kind and great) 

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KB Quest: becoming a decent kettlebell lifter and an excellent coach

2023 goals tracker; cycling: 1047,7/5000km & reading to my kids: 58/365 days (updated may 1st)

my instagram - my gym's instagram

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9 minutes ago, KB Girl said:

Friday we had a homeschool meet where we hid eggs in the woods and drew treasure maps to keep track of them.

Oh, that's amazing! What a brilliant use for treasure maps! 😍

 

9 minutes ago, KB Girl said:

I wasted a lot of time unable to get started on an important task, but I did get it done in the end.

🎉 🥳 🎊 Great job getting it done in the end!!! 🏆

9 minutes ago, KB Girl said:

In the morning we had another swimming lesson and I spoke to one of the teachers about an incident the previous day and that was a bit scary but I did it. So I suppose I did two hard things today, which is better to think about than the amount of time I wasted. 

(see comment above in duplicate - two gold stars! 🌟 🌟 )

 

9 minutes ago, KB Girl said:

(one of the teachers had grabbed my daughter by the arm pretty harshly and said ‘if you don’t do it right this time you can just go shower and go home’ which I really thought crossed a line- it was mostly hard to address because one of my best friends works there and im normally so happy with this place, they are really kind and great) 

(Good job addressing that, because that's really awful! 😧 )

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Current challenge:  to face the trials of this life at my own speed, savoring my accomplishments, and accepting my failures with peace

 

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On 4/9/2023 at 1:03 AM, MaeradCase said:

Oh, that's amazing! What a brilliant use for treasure maps! 😍

 

🎉 🥳 🎊 Great job getting it done in the end!!! 🏆

(see comment above in duplicate - two gold stars! 🌟 🌟 )

 

(Good job addressing that, because that's really awful! 😧 )

Thank you :) 

 

On 4/9/2023 at 1:06 AM, Elastigirl said:

What a fun idea for the egg hunt!

 

Good for you for talking to the teacher, she did cross a line

they enjoyed it!

im glad you also think so.

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KB Quest: becoming a decent kettlebell lifter and an excellent coach

2023 goals tracker; cycling: 1047,7/5000km & reading to my kids: 58/365 days (updated may 1st)

my instagram - my gym's instagram

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Yesterday was a very good day (because SUN) :) we had friends over for brunch, went for a bike ride and a kid friendly hike, had family spontaneously drop by for sitting in the sun and dinner, then went to watch the Easter fires which I really really love. 
 

Hope you all had a good Easter too!

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KB Quest: becoming a decent kettlebell lifter and an excellent coach

2023 goals tracker; cycling: 1047,7/5000km & reading to my kids: 58/365 days (updated may 1st)

my instagram - my gym's instagram

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That sounds like a lovely Easter! I had to look up the Easter fires - they are huge!

 

Ditto on what other people have said about how therapy can being draining and/or frightening. That's probably a sign that you and your therapist are tackling what you need to, which is an important step towards making progress and achieving what you want out of the sessions. 

 

How did this week go? :) 

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