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Bean Sidhe Vs Chaos – Bean doesn’t know where the spoons are.


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I have lost all the spoons, metaphorically and literally. I am so tired. It has been a hard few weeks between work, dealing with my mother (who is trying to start stuff and wonders why I am not reacting) and my knee still not behaving  ( I may need an ultra sound or another MRI)  so I have no metaphorical spoons. Oh and this challenge, we will be tearing out the entire kitchen to put a new one in since the cabinets are falling off the wall. With this big a project coming up, we have been slowly emptying the kitchen for weeks. Which means certain things are getting packed up, and I can’t always find them. We have lost some spoons this way and I can’t find those either.

So this challenge is going to be harder than usual since this is probably the biggest project we have ever undertaken and the longest since it was 3-5 weeks estimated since we ordered the cabinets for them to be delivered (this is week3). Then we will install cabinets and then have no countertops for another period of time (we have heard anything from 2-6 weeks). Oh and the cabinets are now being delivered in 3 days

st,small,507x507-pad,600x600,f8f8f8.jpg

The seeds have started so the garden is getting big, but we had snow yesterday so it’s going to be a bit before we put anything outside. Our usual seed plan has things sitting in the soon to be empty kitchen. And then there is Easter to consider.

I started the challenge last week, but I have lacked the spoons to post it. I ended up collapsing into a nap and then nothing yesterday. And the scale is at my new high again. Sigh.

Anyone got any spoons?

SentimentalLateAlligatorsnappingturtle-m
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I totally spaced. I am on spring break and while that is good in some ways, I am way off routine and while I should be resting and recooping, project work still needs done.

And I am still doing boxes this challenge. some are project related, some healthy and walking related. But right now, all I want is to sleep and to figure out how to get spoons.

 

See, even after taking better of a week to write this, I am still not making much sense.  But I live supposedly

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Here for support - I wish I could get you some spoons!

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here as always ❤️ 

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I read that first post, and all I can think of is:

matrix-there-is-no-spoon.gif

 

😅

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❤️ 

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Replies later since I am trying to convince myself to go back to work.
 

I missed Friday through Sunday last week on boxes. That is the longest I have missed for a bit, but I was done and the idea of a break set in.

Other than that, I have been doing okay. not great, but okay. I hate that I got all sorts of anxious Sunday before going back to work and I went from almost rested to not. And today is "One good thing meeting day" which bugs me since the things I consider good things they don't get.

It is now 15 hours since I started this post. I am tired, I over peopled at work and that is not going to get any better tomorrow.

But now I try adn do my boxes since I need to do things.

So HI. Replies tomorrow

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Still alive

 

I may of figured out why I am so out of spoons of late.  Follow me for a second.

I am an introvert. Like solid introvert who can and does extrovert as needed. My job does require being a partial extrovert to lead trainings, go to people for training, being available. I have been in this job since 2019. I am use to what that entails generally. However, the number of trainings I am doing has increased with us going to a new GUI for our main system. And we have till summer to get familiar before we cannot go back.  This puts more pressure on me to make sure I am talking and doing and peopling. Now add the new office.  My old office was me and one other person, who yes some days was people, but she was out of the office a bit (always takes lunch, shes an extrovert so she would go find people to talk to for long periods) that I had harder days, but I was actually okay especially since no one ever really came to us.

New office is literally surrounded by people. I am in the middle of 3 offices that is tiny, both occupied on either side and 2 (including one very "You are going to entertain me and help me" extrovert across the hall and on the other side of the office on my left  is my boss. Everyone uses speakerphone (including calling each other and me so everything is in stereo), everyone yells down the hall at one another because why get out of your chair when you can yell. The rest of the department is forever walking up and down the hall, having conversations in the hall with each other and the people who work in it. And  I am supposed to keep my door open and lights on at all times. There is no way to get away from it.

So then I am over peopled. I would come home and not people, but there are agents and their needs for peopling. Again, use to this, but on top of the increased peopling need, its too much. So I constantly am using all my spoons to people. So then I come home and am so tired from overpeopling.

Ugh, I hope this makes sense. Problem is, I am not sure what to do about it. Second in command and I talked about this, and one day I said "I have overpeopled, I am going go hide in my office" to him, and next thing I know,I get an email that involves peopling, which leads to Co worker coming into my closed office every 5 minutes because he was upset and wanted me to talk him down. One of the times he came in was to literally tell me goodbye since he was supposedly leaving (He didn't. he pulled me into another big discussion.

I keep hoping this may get better, but I am not sure. Especially since we are about to hit another busy season in the office AND I have trainings almost every day for the next week, a week off and I already have 3 days of training the week I get back

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Proof of life post.

giphy.gif

Today involved 2 training sessions where I was the trainer, going in early since I couldnt do the overtime from home and staying late for another training led by someone else on retirement option.

Going to be proud of myself, I am doing my boxes when I am seriously too tired to..

 

e1d24d040175262eb4161bfae97487b8--snoopy

 

Now to do the exercise and stretching. Those are even harder

 

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so HORRIBLE day at work. I was so proud of how I was doing, how well I was hiding my own shit and trying to be nice, adn today I was told I am a bad team member and an Energy vampire because I only bring negativity from Boss and to "get over the ex coworker thing since hes been gone forever." ( the worst of what he did that finally got him to leave is 9 days from today) . Oh and I was given a book about "Teamwork" to read on my vacation.  I have 2 other people tell me just yesterday and today how well i was doing and how I was improving. Trying to not backslide, but I really want to nope out right now.

 

However, the kitchen demo has finally begun. The goal for tonight was to take out like 5 cabinets. We took out all but 3 upper cabinets and the worst of the lowers so over half is done. I did get to use my FUBAR even which I didn't think I would. I love my FUBAR. Its so fun

And all the hammers have been accounted for

giphy.gif

 

Sadly, now i need to get boxes done and I am tired

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First, hugs. All the hugs. What the everloving fuck. 
 

second: Jesus Christ. I know it's a challenge but please go to HR with a list of all the shit he's pulled. If everyone but him is telling you you're doing great and they like you, then it's a him problem. He's full of shit and targeting you for some unknown bullshit reason. This whole fucking company is lucky you haven't called a lawyer and fucked their shit up after last year's clusterfuck; I'm sure HR wouldn't be pleased to find out this dickhead is fucking around the way he is.
 

I'm so pissed off for you Bean. Ignore everything is he says as much as you can. You are awesome, you're doing the work of multiple people, and this jerk's head is way too far up his ass for him to see anything properly. 

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On 4/7/2023 at 5:31 AM, Bean Sidhe said:

New office is literally

 

"Hell" is the word you are looking for; the word that best encapsulates that paragraph. I couldn't get any work done in that cacophony.

 

Also, boss is way, way out of line. You've requested reasonable accommodations (dim lights, door closed) so you can do the work they need you to do.  He has no right to demand you do a reading assignment on your vacation, no ground to say the shit he's saying.

 

 

11 hours ago, fleaball said:

Jesus Christ. I know it's a challenge but please go to HR with a list of all the shit he's pulled.

THIS

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13 hours ago, fleaball said:

second: Jesus Christ. I know it's a challenge but please go to HR with a list of all the shit he's pulled. If everyone but him is telling you you're doing great and they like you, then it's a him problem. He's full of shit and targeting you for some unknown bullshit reason. This whole fucking company is lucky you haven't called a lawyer and fucked their shit up after last year's clusterfuck; I'm sure HR wouldn't be pleased to find out this dickhead is fucking around the way he is.

giphy.gif

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Also like, I get that it sounds ridiculous and insensitive to say "hey go do this scary thing in the middle of your challenge about having no spoons." I am not at all trying to dismiss everything else that you've got going on or that you feel overwhelmed by everything. I hear that. But I also don't see any other way this is getting better. 
 

if you decide to do this I will help in any way I can if you want the help. If you dont want to do it I am still here as always with hearts and cat gifs and anything else I can do to help. ❤️

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Write these things down. Workshop it. You abso-fucking-lutely should not need a fucking doctors note to dim your lights and close your fucking door. Why have a door if you can't close it? JFC I also really hated going to HR the couple of times I finally did - but I'm so glad I did. Write down bullet points and stick to them. Because honestly, it sounds like he's gunning for you to quit for whatever reason. But if you want to keep this job AND your sanity, HR is going to be needed here. And if HR won't do anything, there's your sign you really need to look for something else. I've said many times you can deal with work BS or life BS - but when BOTH are wearing you down, something has to give .....

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"Be not afraid of growing slowly; be afraid only of standing still." - Chinese Proverb

 My Recipe Thread

1st dozen-ish Challenges for the curious 12,11,10,9,8,7,6,5,4,3,2,More attempts, #1 with Intro, Failed attempts

Spoiler

Quick Bio: IT Consultant, Been in IT 25+ Years, Bounced around and landed as a traveling Consultant for a medium-sized Software Company. I love to cook & read, I travel for a living (although amount varies widely, sometimes I'm home for weeks, others I'm traveling for weeks on end), and trying to move out of Atlanta (plan in place, working to implement).

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Hey Bean, hope you're doing okay. ❤️

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Sorry, still alive. The kitchen was demo, we had nothing but walls for a bit. All the cabinet bases are installed, we are doing electrical work right now.

AfraidThirdBighornsheep-size_restricted.

 

Our cabinets are not white, but this is close to where we are. no doors yet since we need to put all the handles on, but that is after lunches job. Hopefully today we get doors back.  Countertops get measured on Monday, then 2 weeks to install it sounds like.  Then maybe I can get some kitchen use back.


Been busy, but no walks or boxes. I didn't want it to go that way, but hey,  it is so close.  so I live. Work hasn't reached out besides a courtesy email. I haven't seen anything from my department at all, which is more concerning. But whatever. Trying to not deal. I have not even opened the book from boss, and have decided not to. at worse, I will tell him I didn't have a chance and that I probably won't have a chance unless it is during work hours until closer to the end of the summer. Boss is a football coach, and does not understand others. And  while I am so over his BS atm, He doesn't understand how to have a conversation, and he does not understand that I have lifelong trauma from all of this.  I am mending and I know that. I am doing better, even if Boss doesn't understand since he will never understand what it is like to be me.

However, this is what I am doing. And maybe being away has been good. I dunno

 

1439f5ff044ea8fd135156c609228e92.jpg

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