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1 minute ago, Tanktimus the Encourager said:

50% is that Pumpkinaholics need their fix, the other 50% is that people need hope summer will end and things will cool off.

Morgan Freeman Reaction GIF by MOODMAN

 

My question is why doesn't MY Dunkin have pumpkin stuff yet 😭

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I know I have replies to make and catching up to do but they'll have to wait. I've been plagued by overwhelming anxiety for days and it's not showing any sign of letting up nor is it responding to any of the shit I've learned in therapy to make it chill out. It's just a constant feeling of being overwhelmed and my mind going a mile a minute with only half-formed thoughts and my body can't decide whether fight or flight is the appropriate response so it's trying to do both. And I don't know where any of this is coming from. It's just A Lot and I'm not having a great time right now. 
 

tomorrow if my brain doesn't explode first I need to wash my other sheets, call to reschedule a (apparently routine now bc family history) mammogram next week, call the vet, and order groceries. If I can manage those things I'll call it a successful day. Bonus points if I can find something to lessen the anxiety. 
 

moar cat pics pls

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Two of mine being particularly cute one morning

PXL_20230621_091213996.jpg

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Growth happens when you care more about the well being of your future self than the comfort of your present self!

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Hey, just checking in. I caught up on your thread yesterday, and you've had a hell of a lot of bad luck lately. I don't know if it's in the budget, but I'd make an argument for buying yourself a new set of sheets if you can. Stains are demoralizing, especially if you blame yourself for them, and it might be money well spent to get a reasonably priced set at Target or on Amazon or whatever.

 

Did you get the mammogram scheduled and vet shit sorted out?

 

Also, re: feeling overwhelmed and panicky, when I feel like that I get in the car and drive to a forest (there are a bunch of nature preserve forests in Sudbury, Lincoln, Weston, etc.) and just walk around and decompress and let my mind wander. Being there always makes things feel better, somehow. That might not be your thing, obviously, but if you have something like that, whether it's music or reading or just going for a long drive, give yourself permission to drop whatever other tasks you might have on your list and focus on getting your head settled. You deserve to be cared about and supported  ❤️

 

giphy.gif

 

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Hi my name is flea and I make bad decisions. -__- My brother found out Sunday night that his first overnight shift was starting 11pm Monday. As a result I'm now on cat breakfast duty, which happens between 5:30-6am, and I decided the best thing to do the first night would be stay up til breakfast time instead of trying to sleep then waking up and attempting to go back to sleep. Now it's 4:45 and I am beyond tired. Boo flea. Boooooooo. 
 

In other news, I'm over the CGM thing. Put one in today, pressed on it to make sure it stuck and whatever, then went downstairs to ask my father to put medical tape on it too just for shits and giggles. I held out my hand with the tape in it and the fucking sensor just drops out of my arm onto the floor? Seriously? Okay I'm done. I know they're super helpful for people and whatnot, but so far I'm 0 for 2 on them and if my insurance isn't covering it I'm not playing games with them anymore. Not to mention I'm still salty about the quality of the app. (On top of which, my nutritionist connected to it using the healthcare provider thing and the report she got was super fucking off. It said I was over 250 for an hour at one point and also under 70 for a good amount of time. Which I never saw on my end nor did I feel shitty enough to even think it was off that bad.) So whatever. I tried. Back to the drawing board. 
 

Random anxiety has calmed a little but not gone away. Last week I was telling my therapist how the dates and days of the week leading up to my mother's anniversary matched that year and all the fun things that happened like getting 6 hours of sleep over 3 days because I'm surrounded by idiots and she stopped me and was like "your body is remembering all of that too." Because I also got significantly less sleep than usual two weeks ago thanks to the attack of the demon nuts and ensuing medical shenanigans and I was stressed tf out over that and oh yeah that's certainly a callback even if circumstances are different. Womp. I'm assuming a good part of the random anxiety was related to all of that. There are definitely other factors I haven't figured out yet, but that was definitely a thing. Idk, my brain is just a mess. I'm not helping myself right now by staying up to feed the cats. They both get to go to the vet for checkups on Wednesday so I'll be asking how to get them to be less dumb about eating for sure.  
 

I still owe all kinds of replies and I'll get to them. Eventually. 

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4 hours ago, fleaball said:

In other news, I'm over the CGM thing. Put one in today, pressed on it to make sure it stuck and whatever, then went downstairs to ask my father to put medical tape on it too just for shits and giggles. I held out my hand with the tape in it and the fucking sensor just drops out of my arm onto the floor? Seriously? Okay I'm done. I know they're super helpful for people and whatnot, but so far I'm 0 for 2 on them and if my insurance isn't covering it I'm not playing games with them anymore. Not to mention I'm still salty about the quality of the app. (On top of which, my nutritionist connected to it using the healthcare provider thing and the report she got was super fucking off. It said I was over 250 for an hour at one point and also under 70 for a good amount of time. Which I never saw on my end nor did I feel shitty enough to even think it was off that bad.) So whatever. I tried. Back to the drawing board. 

I've never had a CGM but I recently went down the rabbit hole regarding wondering if I should get one for general health monitoring. While I decided not to a major component to me was "How do I keep it on during grappling"? There is apparently a product called SkinTac that can be placed on it as an extra adhesive as well as SimPatch as an adhesive cover. I saw descriptions of people who are wrestling or swimming daily who endorsed them. 

 

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On 8/16/2023 at 10:15 AM, Athaclena said:

So you need cute cat photos? That's what I heard :P

Here's Saxo enjoying the phenomenon of the Bed Jet
image.png.2cc531b734e406247e8e95bb6745233c.png

 

Teal'c enjoying the heated bed next to Mommy while she works.
image.png.aca8f2385a5fbab0eb236826e43bf992.png


Finally, Mom's cat Lilly who finally discovered a heated bed and the joys it provides LOL.
image.png.0ec21ba451b934f83031fad9d15110db.png

 

I want all of them pls
 

On 8/16/2023 at 10:18 AM, Athaclena said:

OH - bonus picture - roomie's dog Chocolate just wants to be friends with Teal'c.....

image.thumb.jpeg.78b9882c8a45adc729b37b1e2b76e0ae.jpeg

teal'c looks Not Amused and I love it. And him. 
 

On 8/16/2023 at 3:45 PM, Emma said:

I’m seeing Halloween stuff in the stores. Argh.

this is so not okay. Boo capitalism. Let me enjoy my shit before we move onto the next season please. 
 

On 8/16/2023 at 5:49 PM, Tanktimus the Encourager said:

50% is that Pumpkinaholics need their fix, the other 50% is that people need hope summer will end and things will cool off.

I want to argue with this but I got nothin. At least Dunkins has pumpkin flavored shit and not pumpkin *spice.* I love the former and don't care for the latter. I was very upset the first time I tried a PSL and realized I'd been lied to. 

 

On 8/16/2023 at 5:52 PM, RES said:

Morgan Freeman Reaction GIF by MOODMAN

 

My question is why doesn't MY Dunkin have pumpkin stuff yet 😭

Tbf mine also did not have it for several days. The app was all "omg pumpkin is here!" but apparently they forgot to tell the stores or something idk. I hope you have some now!

 

On 8/18/2023 at 1:44 PM, Whisper said:

20230724_210332.thumb.jpg.8b91f773d7c056974a8f41186c6ef549.jpg

awww! Which one is this?
 

On 8/21/2023 at 6:17 PM, Severine said:

That might not be your thing, obviously, but if you have something like that, whether it's music or reading or just going for a long drive, give yourself permission to drop whatever other tasks you might have on your list and focus on getting your head settled. You deserve to be cared about and supported  

 

giphy.gif

 

Unfortunately none of the reset things that usually work for me were working while this was going on. But if my therapist was right and it was at least partly because of my mother's anniversary and all that baggage, it makes sense why it wouldn't go away. 
 

re your comment about the sheets that I can't seem to quite properly - I'm over the stain at this point. I'll probably continue to hit it with Dawn and oxiclean in the wash for science but it's not bothering me. Which makes no sense considering it's me, but I'm not questioning it. 
 

On 8/22/2023 at 9:21 AM, The Most Loathed said:

I've never had a CGM but I recently went down the rabbit hole regarding wondering if I should get one for general health monitoring. While I decided not to a major component to me was "How do I keep it on during grappling"? There is apparently a product called SkinTac that can be placed on it as an extra adhesive as well as SimPatch as an adhesive cover. I saw descriptions of people who are wrestling or swimming daily who endorsed them. 

 

Yeah from what I've read there are a bunch of options for keeping them in place. I'm just mad bc I shouldn't need one in the first five minutes. 😒 but I'm kinda allergic to adhesives anyway so this endeavor was probably doomed to fail eventually. 

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I think that's all the replies I've missed so far. Catching up on threads will have to happen later because right now I just want to fucking die. I got twenty minutes of sleep last night. If that. I was tired enough to fall asleep but just couldn't. Probably because I had to get up for the cats several times (they needed to be drugged before going to the vet) and my brain was focused on that. Or something. Idfk. (Cats got clean bills of health btw.) But luckily for me my brother is off tonight and was like "whenever I'm off I'll be up anyway so I'll do breakfast and whatever they need." So my ass gets to sleep for real tonight. It better work. I'm too old for all nighters. Way too old. 
 

so anyway I feel like death, also it's shark week, also I hate the people I live with. So really nothing new going on in flea land. Going to attempt an hour or two of sleep right now, wish me luck. Nothing challenge-related will happen today. Unless you count carrying FK's 18-pound ass around as movement. 

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3 hours ago, fleaball said:

awww! Which one is this?

His Excellency Sasha Generalisemo Meow Von Pussycat, 42nd Earl of Whitehaven, Defender of the Realm, and Keeper of the Faith

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Apparently there are betting pools on what Trump's weight will be when arrested, and I saw 273 thrown around as an over/under on Reddit. I fucking swear to god if it turns out I weigh more than him I'm just going to launch myself into the sun. 

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Hopefully this doesn't need to be said but gremlins are making me say it anyway: I'm not judging anyone else by whatever this mystery number turns out to be. 

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Wow. According to the updates on Reddit they initially ask your weight and then officially update it later?

 

and this motherfucker responded with 215. lmao nah. Trip to the sun will have to wait because that can't be reality. 

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Urrrrrrgh. Didn't get to bed half as early as I wanted last night because reflux was murdering me. I did sleep for 11 hours straight and I'm not complaining, but still. Tonight I wanted to be in bed several hours ago but my stomach apparently had other plans. Kind of annoying since mentally I was totally ready for bed. And then while my brother was taking his sweet fucking time getting ready for work I was quietly losing my shit because it's his third shift in this new department and he was at least ten minutes late. I know it's not my problem and there's nothing I can do about it, but I still get pissed. (Partly because he owes me a shit ton of money for cat expenses and if he actually went to work on time he'd probably have the money to pay me back. :rolleyes: )It's really fucking difficult to acknowledge that I can't control other people and then not get mad about it. 
 

also ngl while I'm not necessarily hoping this happens, I will 100% not be surprised to get a phone call at some point saying he had a heart attack or something at work. Last August he had bloodwork done and I don't know his exact cholesterol numbers but his cardiac risk ratio was 7-something where the normal range is 0-5. His diet is 99% processed food and before now the only exercise he got was walking to and from work. I'm obviously not in a place to criticize lack of activity but I feel like going from that 7ish hours of stocking shelves 5 nights a week can't be too good for him. So we'll see how that turns out. 
 

anyway. Everyone cross your fingers I get decent sleep tonight and can then actually be a productive human tomorrow. 

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On the good news front, the cats got clean bills of health. Fat Kitty still has kidney disease obviously but all of his labs were stable, and boobcat needs dental work (booked for October) but is otherwise fine. This make me happy as they're 19 (maybe 20?) and 13 now, respectively. FK certainly shows signs of age but is still a cuddly little shit who won't be told he can't jump on something just because he's old. 

also here is a derpy boobcat for your viewing pleasure

 

IMG_3594.thumb.jpeg.ffcef4e7677404135eb2f001a3e80db9.jpeg

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Please tell Boobcat I love him. And FK also even though there is no picture. 

 

7 hours ago, fleaball said:

FK certainly shows signs of age but is still a cuddly little shit who won't be told he can't jump on something just because he's old. 

 

Lol, my cat is going on 19 and behaves the exact same way. Or at least lol until she wants 3rd breakfast and knows that she will get 3rd breakfast if she sinks her claws into me often enough. Mom has recently started giving her treats whenever she's being annoying, "so she'll leave me alone" and boy has that had the exact opposite effect. This is the cat that quickly learned to make pretend hairball noises when she realized that hairballs = being given butter to help the hairball pass.

 

Hmm...if your brother were to drop dead of a heart attack, how much would it cost to hire a hazmat team to clean his room, I wonder? 🤔

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4 hours ago, Ahyar Dreamspark said:

Please tell Boobcat I love him. And FK also even though there is no picture. 

IMG_1404.thumb.jpeg.6c2ebdcb33834edb9bed6f6b27643c03.jpeg
 

4 hours ago, Ahyar Dreamspark said:

 

Lol, my cat is going on 19 and behaves the exact same way. Or at least lol until she wants 3rd breakfast and knows that she will get 3rd breakfast if she sinks her claws into me often enough. Mom has recently started giving her treats whenever she's being annoying, "so she'll leave me alone" and boy has that had the exact opposite effect. This is the cat that quickly learned to make pretend hairball noises when she realized that hairballs = being given butter to help the hairball pass.

Tell your cat I love her as well. She sounds very smart lol

 

4 hours ago, Ahyar Dreamspark said:

Hmm...if your brother were to drop dead of a heart attack, how much would it cost to hire a hazmat team to clean his room, I wonder? 🤔

Gross as it may be I've already decided I'm doing it myself because it will be so fucking satisfying to throw away pretty much everything in there. I'll see if Home Depot carries hazmat suits if/when the time comes. 

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6 hours ago, fleaball said:

Gross as it may be I've already decided I'm doing it myself because it will be so fucking satisfying to throw away pretty much everything in there. I'll see if Home Depot carries hazmat suits if/when the time comes. 

Wise choice

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Spoiler

Growth happens when you care more about the well being of your future self than the comfort of your present self!

"Pass on what you have learned. Strength, mastery. But weakness, folly, failure also. Yes, failure most of all. The greatest teacher, failure is." -Yoda

 

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Uggggh what even is sleep? It has not been my friend. Mostly my struggle has been organizing my eating schedule (or lack thereof) around reasonable times to not piss off reflux when I go to bed but also not wake up hungry in the middle of the night. 
 

omg. I figured while I play video games I'd also post some shit on Facebook to give away and I swear it would be real fuckin nice if people read things before replying. Getting rid of shit I wouldn't know what to do with is nice but I hate stupid people. 
 

anyway. Sleep. Tis elusive. But my brother is off tonight and tomorrow night so he'll be doing breakfast and I can hopefully get some uninterrupted sleep. I'll still be getting up early, just not at 5:30. 
 

challenge goals have, as usual, fallen by the wayside. Hard to give a shit when I'm exhausted. Batcave goal has gone okay, if only because it's been a goal several challenges in a row now and has become almost second nature. Go me. 
 

i find it both hilarious and sad that everyone is rooting for my father and brother to drop dead, btw. 

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30 minutes ago, fleaball said:

find it both hilarious and sad that everyone is rooting for my father and brother to drop dead, btw. 

Point of clarification, I don't wish them dead, I just look forward to reading their obituary. 

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1 hour ago, Tanktimus the Encourager said:

Point of clarification, I don't wish them dead, I just look forward to reading their obituary. 

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"Pass on what you have learned. Strength, mastery. But weakness, folly, failure also. Yes, failure most of all. The greatest teacher, failure is." -Yoda

 

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