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sylph checks in and chills out


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I know the entire NF community--hell, the entire INTERNET--has anxiously been awaiting my return to challenging and here it is.

Art Stretching GIF

You are all welcome.

 

 

I started out this year with a lot of enthusiasm and grand plans to have each challenge consist of one goal in each category of gym, food, and home. I think that lasted for ... 2? challenges? then I dropped out of the whole deal for months.

 

After some thought, I'm back and I'm giving myself permission to not feel guilty for not getting eleventy workouts per month or not eating "well" or not cleaning the bathroom 6.7 times per month. I tend to set a lot of what-sounds-like-reasonable goals for myself and then talk myself into not doing them.

 

After 40+ years on the planet, I've also realized that I'm self-destructively stubborn. The quickest way to make me not want to do a thing is to have someone (even myself) tell me to do it. Because I want to do it because I was going to do it, NOT because someone else said something, so then I will specifically NOT do that thing to prove that no one can tell me what to do. Healthy, eh?

The Rock Reaction GIF

 

So, how to reconcile that with the goal-oriented format of an NF challenge? Good question. I don't think that I do. Perhaps that makes this an un-challenge, or maybe the whole challenge is to not continue to set goals that I keep refusing to meet.

jurassic park mind blown GIF by Spotify

 

 

So if there won't be goals, what will there be? (Ya'll are full of the good questions today)

Harrison Ford Shrug GIF by Star Wars

 

There will be gifs, clearly (feel free to add to the collection)

There will be random rambling musings which I will likely immediately forget about even writing and insights that I won't remember having.

Probably some kind of workouts--though I seem to not be making time for those currently

Likely discussion (or perhaps even photos) of sewing projects, as that's a hobby I've recently picked back up after... 30+ years

 

Mostly this will be an outlet for keeping connected in this community that I've been a part of for so long. To that, I will try to post here on the reg, and attempt to post more (not just lurk and hit the react button) in threads of my fellow rebels.

 

If you've made it through all of that, you are amazing. Welcome to my brain dump space.

 

carl sagan brain GIF

 

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12 minutes ago, sylph said:

I know the entire NF community--hell, the entire INTERNET--has anxiously been awaiting my return to challenging and here it is.

Art Stretching GIF

You are all welcome.

Youre Welcome Maui GIF

Woohoo! Super excited to see you challenging again!

 

13 minutes ago, sylph said:

After 40+ years on the planet, I've also realized that I'm self-destructively stubborn. The quickest way to make me not want to do a thing is to have someone (even myself) tell me to do it. Because I want to do it because I was going to do it, NOT because someone else said something, so then I will specifically NOT do that thing to prove that no one can tell me what to do. Healthy, eh?

I feel this so hard. 

Well now I’m not going to do it in 2020 | Very funny memes, Cute memes ...

It's become a joke with my sister and I, and I can mostly catch my kneejerk reaction and laugh it off, but sometimes it's gotten to the point where if I set reminders for myself on my phone, I'll still refuse to do it. "I'll do it when I do it, okay Past Me? Stop nagging."

 

17 minutes ago, sylph said:

So if there won't be goals, what will there be? (Ya'll are full of the good questions today)

Harrison Ford Shrug GIF by Star Wars

han solo GIF

 

18 minutes ago, sylph said:

If you've made it through all of that, you are amazing. Welcome to my brain dump space.

Oh Yeah Love GIF by The Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon

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"For God did not give us a spirit of fear; but a spirit of power, love, and self-discipline". - 2 Timothy 1:7

"All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given us." -Gandalf

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So, this morning I walked to the post office (about 1 mile, round trip) and started the audiobook version of Atlas of the Heart. I'm only about 20 minutes in, so we'll see how it goes from here. Some good quotes already, including one about eggshells not being on the floor but duct taped to the bottom of one's feet, which was striking imagery and a note that the bounds of our experience is delineated by the limits of our language. Had to pause the book and think about that for a bit. Human beings by nature search for patterns and categories. If the only emotions you can recognize are anger, happiness, and sadness then you are automatically going to be lumping a lot of things together and that is going to color your perception of your experiences through that very limited number of lenses. I don't know what to DO with that thought at the moment, but it made me stop and consider.

Be Patient Stephen Colbert GIF by The Late Show With Stephen Colbert

 

The rest of this morning has been spent working(ish) and wrangling cats, who are somehow very active this morning. It's not quite 10.30a and I would very much like to eat lunch. Likely because my breakfast was slightly subpar (see below, re: groceries)

 

Other things to do today:

I have a sewing project that is tantalizingly close to being finished, which really means (probably) that it's less than half done, so I would like to work on that today. 

Our grocery situation is somewhat abysmal, so I need to rectify that. I have been somewhat all-consumed by this sewing project and many things have been delayed because of it. Time for a re-prioritization soon....but I'm so close to being done. And it's for hubs, so I really want to finish it up for him. So, sewing takes the top of the list, then grocery shopping, depending on sewing progress. Maybe grocery shopping tomorrow nd we'll scrounge for lunch and dinner one more time today. We have plenty of food, just not our normal go-to's.

Hungry Thanksgiving GIF by Looney Tunes

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1 hour ago, Artemis Prime said:

It's become a joke with my sister and I, and I can mostly catch my kneejerk reaction and laugh it off, but sometimes it's gotten to the point where if I set reminders for myself on my phone, I'll still refuse to do it. "I'll do it when I do it, okay Past Me? Stop nagging."

Yesss.... I've totally NOT done that myself

the simpsons eyes GIF

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10 minutes ago, Artemis Prime said:

I really liked this book, but there was a lot of sitting and staring while I was working through it.

I may need to get on the list for the text version of the book. I appreciate Brene's voice being the one reading it, but foresee a lot of sitting and staring (as you said) which may be better suited to text rather than audio.

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On 7/27/2023 at 9:05 PM, sylph said:

After 40+ years on the planet, I've also realized that I'm self-destructively stubborn. The quickest way to make me not want to do a thing is to have someone (even myself) tell me to do it. Because I want to do it because I was going to do it, NOT because someone else said something, so then I will specifically NOT do that thing to prove that no one can tell me what to do. Healthy, eh?

Is this where I come in and tell you you really ought to just ghost the challenge right now and give up because that will then make you NOT do it???

HUNTER OF ALL THINGS SHINY

Intro Thread   Challenge Log   Bodyweight Exercise Library   Recipe Book   Shuffle Club 

 

Level 2 Ninja

Strength: 13 Intelligence: 14 Wisdom: 6 Dexterity:14 Constitution: 12 Charisma: 11

 

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Yay you’re here! 😍

 

On 7/27/2023 at 9:05 PM, sylph said:

After 40+ years on the planet, I've also realized that I'm self-destructively stubborn. The quickest way to make me not want to do a thing is to have someone (even myself) tell me to do it. Because I want to do it because I was going to do it, NOT because someone else said something, so then I will specifically NOT do that thing to prove that no one can tell me what to do. Healthy, eh?

Probably not, but oh so very relatable.

 

3 hours ago, WhiteGhost said:

Is this where I come in and tell you you really ought to just ghost the challenge right now and give up because that will then make you NOT do it???

I wish it were that simple. 

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On 7/27/2023 at 12:54 PM, foxinthenorth said:

ooh, interesting.

 

also, following!

There are all sorts of little zingers in this book. There was a bit about what resentment IS vs what it ISN'T that I stopped, paused, stared into space and rewound about three times to I could listen to it multiple times.

 

On 7/29/2023 at 12:59 AM, WhiteGhost said:

Is this where I come in and tell you you really ought to just ghost the challenge right now and give up because that will then make you NOT do it???

 

On 7/29/2023 at 4:51 AM, Mad Hatter said:

I wish it were that simple. 

If only...

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So, I did not drain the pool. It's since rained even more. It's probably ridiculous out there, but has yet to overflow the edge, so at least we aren't at apocalypse-levels of water. Yet.

twin peaks waterfall GIF by Twin Peaks on Showtime

 

 

Sewing project got finished.

 

Friday afternoon we went down to Hollywood Studios for dinner and a drink.

 

Saturday, after chatting with hubs, I decided that there were enough things wrong with the sewing project that I would make ANOTHER one. I then spent the weekend re-drafting the pattern I used, making a toile/muslin for hubs to try on, and brainstorming with him about improvements and features for the new version. Yesterday I took the actual fabric and got the pieces cut out and some of the initial construction and other prep (AALLLLLLL of the ironing) sorted. We've still not solidified said new features so I'm in a bit of a pause while we get that settled. We made good progress last night, but it was getting late so we both wanted a fresh-eyes look at it today.

Tired Good Night GIF

 

 

Walks to the post office on Friday and Saturday. No exercise Sunday. Yes post office yesterday and today is TBD, but probably not. No lifting for awhile, but I'm actually okay with that.

 

Also, apparently when I'm completely absorbed in a project, I don't eat as much. I'm down ~2 lbs over the last week or so. Likely due to a lack of snacking, no post-workout water retention, and my complete lack of ability to stay hydrated/pay attention to water intake while sewing. I'm not really trying to lose weight at this point so this is mostly a note of interest, rather than any kind of progress. I presume once I pick lifting back up again that most of that loss will revert.

 

Work today and tomorrow, likely with sewing project work in the evenings.

 

I also need to make the seafood salad that I had planned for two days ago TODAY because the imitation crab in the fridge will go bad if I don't. I'll probably boil the eggs around lunch time, which means later I'll just need to cook the pasta and assemble. Relatively painless, but a non-zero amount of time.

 

Those are all of my diary-style updates, friends. Stay tuned for more riveting happenings in the life of sylph.

Journaling Dear Diary GIF by Ryn Dean

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40 minutes ago, sylph said:

There are all sorts of little zingers in this book. There was a bit about what resentment IS vs what it ISN'T that I stopped, paused, stared into space and rewound about three times to I could listen to it multiple times.

That section on resentment really got me too.

"For God did not give us a spirit of fear; but a spirit of power, love, and self-discipline". - 2 Timothy 1:7

"All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given us." -Gandalf

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52 minutes ago, Artemis Prime said:

That section on resentment really got me too.

I used her framing as a template for the last couple times I could remember being resentful and it was RIGHT ON.

Then, when I felt the next surge of resentment for something, I paused, took a breath and asked for something that would relieve that resentment.

And got it. 

Phoebe Buffay Wow GIF by Friends

 

FFS. How am I 40+ years old and just now learning this shit.

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For those that may be interested, here's the bit on resentment:

 

Resentment is the feeling of frustration, judgment, anger, “better than,” and/ or hidden envy related to perceived unfairness or injustice. It’s an emotion that we often experience when we fail to set boundaries or ask for what we need, or when expectations let us down because they were based on things we can’t control, like what other people think, what they feel, or how they’re going to react.

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37 minutes ago, sylph said:

Then, when I felt the next surge of resentment for something, I paused, took a breath and asked for something that would relieve that resentment.

And got it. 

That's awesome! 

 

38 minutes ago, sylph said:

FFS. How am I 40+ years old and just now learning this shit.

You can't know what you were never taught. I always kind of assumed that my family's unhealthy method of dealing with emotions by pretending they don't exist was sort of unique to us, but her little opening spiel about most people only being able to identify angry, happy, or sad as emotions blew my mind. Having a framework and a vocabulary to actually discuss what I'm feeling has been so enormously helpful.

"For God did not give us a spirit of fear; but a spirit of power, love, and self-discipline". - 2 Timothy 1:7

"All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given us." -Gandalf

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2 hours ago, Artemis Prime said:

That's awesome! 

 

You can't know what you were never taught. I always kind of assumed that my family's unhealthy method of dealing with emotions by pretending they don't exist was sort of unique to us, but her little opening spiel about most people only being able to identify angry, happy, or sad as emotions blew my mind. Having a framework and a vocabulary to actually discuss what I'm feeling has been so enormously helpful.

Looking back, the method that was modeled to cope with emotions in my family was to shut down until you had time to compress your fear/anger/whatever into something small and hide it in a place where it wouldn't bother anyone else, then come back and pretend everything was fine.

 

Like, my parents probably would have listened if I told them I was scared or frustrated or angry about something (I think?), but I never saw THEM tell each other or certainly never communicated any of that to ME as a kid, so I had no idea how to go about it.

 

The very few times I remember confiding something to my mom, her advice was only ever "Well, pray about it. God knows what to do." Which, yes, thank you, that is true. But that's also not terribly practical/actionable advice or even acknowledging that I was struggling with a thing.

 

Healthy disagreement? An argument followed by an apology? Nope. Never saw those.

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Seafood salad made yesterday, with enough leftovers for dinner tonight.

 

Sewing was attempted yesterday evening, with some fiddly bits that required some thought and some math and lots of ironing but very little ACTUAL sewing. But fiddly thing was done and done well, and (hopefully) tonight's workings will be able to go more smoothly after having benefitted from yesterday's prep. Sewing really is about 40% planning, 50% ironing and 10% actual sewing. :P

design scifi GIF by MANGOTEETH

 

I'll be taking a walk up to the post office to drop off some things after my morning meetings. I'll have Atlas of the Heart going during the walk so I fully expect some random epiphany to come calling. Stay tuned.

Coming Soon Watch GIF by TV Land

 

More sewing on the docket after work. I am really enjoying both the problem-solving aspect to sewing as well as the 'making a thing' aspect. Very satisfying all around.

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3 minutes ago, sylph said:

Sewing really is about 40% planning, 50% ironing and 10% actual sewing.

My very brief foray into sewing, my mom suggested I make a little wall hanging quilt because it was all evenly sized rectangles which theoretically should have made it simpler to sew. I never made it past the ridiculous amount of cutting that was required to get all those rectangles, so I don't know how the actual sewing would have gone. But it's always been in the back of my mind to take another stab at it some day.

"For God did not give us a spirit of fear; but a spirit of power, love, and self-discipline". - 2 Timothy 1:7

"All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given us." -Gandalf

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3 hours ago, Artemis Prime said:

My very brief foray into sewing, my mom suggested I make a little wall hanging quilt because it was all evenly sized rectangles which theoretically should have made it simpler to sew. I never made it past the ridiculous amount of cutting that was required to get all those rectangles, so I don't know how the actual sewing would have gone. But it's always been in the back of my mind to take another stab at it some day.

In my experience,  evenly sized = difficult

Rectangles = 90 degree angles = difficult

 

I'd much rather do something curvy and busy to hide all the mistakes :)

 

 

Also, when you were reading Atlas of the Heart, I wish I'd been more engaged with you on what kind of book it was---I would've asked you way more about it! It is the most thought-provoking piece of media I've consumed in a LONG time and I feel like it's going to take an age to digest it.

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Two things from today's 20 minute round trip walk to the post office:

 

First, still about resentment

It's so hard to ask sometimes, but not asking doesn't stop me from expecting.

 

and second, regarding disappointment.

Many people choose to live disappointed rather than risk feeling disappointment

 

Both of these hit me with an indignant feeling of "you don't know me, shut up!" which was a surprisingly vehement reaction.

You Dont Know Me Michelle Obama GIF by Obama

 

At a rate of 1 revelation every 10 minutes today, this book is packing wallop.

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14 minutes ago, sylph said:

It is the most thought-provoking piece of media I've consumed in a LONG time and I feel like it's going to take an age to digest it.

Yup. I got it out of my library, but at some point I'm going to have to own it, I think, because there is way more there to mine than I could get to in 3 weeks.

 

11 minutes ago, sylph said:

Many people choose to live disappointed rather than risk feeling disappointment

That line got me too.

"For God did not give us a spirit of fear; but a spirit of power, love, and self-discipline". - 2 Timothy 1:7

"All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given us." -Gandalf

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