[Heidi]

 

Some big things are afoot!

 

I’m having to be brave and do some things that are Actually Scary in the coming weeks.

Along the way there’s some exciting stuff that will really tax my stamina — a week in New York presenting at a conference is an amazing opportunity, but it’s also depleting for this introvert, and is going to wreak havoc with my disability support structures and routines. And finances.

 

Fight forward.

Courage + Defiance = Fortitude

A Fortitude Saving Throw measures your ability to stand up to physical punishment or attacks against your vitality and health. Apply your Constitution modifier to your Fortitude saving throws. 

1. Intelligence

   1. Open Canvas daily

      1. Read 60 minutes a day

      2. Write daily for class

   2. Finalize Conference Presentation

2. Strength

   1. Go to work 

3. Wisdom: 

   1. Loosening the hold of debt: Credit card balances <25%; 

   2. Increase savings (This is going to be difficult with the NY trip, but I’m keeping financial health on my radar.)

4. Constitution

   1. Eating good food every day

   2. Healing: Acupuncture; therapy; daily medications

5. Charisma

   1. Sleep

   2. Bonus: sauna, steps, sociability

6. Dexterity

   1. Stay nimble and hold emotions loosely (especially at work:without getting caught up in the chaos)

   2. stay brave.

7. Stamina

   1. Sleep, food, rest

 

Opening Stats

Con 8

Str 7

Int  10

Dex 10

Wis 10

Cha 9

Sta 3

 

Challenge Wrap up

A Fortitude Saving Throw measures your ability to stand up to physical punishment or attacks against your vitality and health. Apply your Constitution modifier to your Fortitude saving throws.So, Let’s talk about the Constitution score, which is pretty low, as heroes go, and isn’t going to be getting higher any time soon.

1. Intelligence: I did okay with this until the travels, and then this became difficult and fiddly. Even so, everything (mostly) got done. +2

   1. Open Canvas daily

      1. Read 60 minutes a day

      2. Write daily for class

   2. Finalize & Present at the Conference: Knocked it out of the park, and the travels didn’t kill me! 

2. Strength: +1, because all the basics were met. Nothing special or bonus, just doing the things.

   1. Go to work 

3. Wisdom: +1 for making the debt payments; +1 for lowering overall credit card debt to <25% before the NY trip. Next challenge will be about taking stock of the wreckage and making a plan for that.

   1. Loosening the hold of debt: Credit card balances <25%; 

   2. savings increased. (This is going to be difficult with the NY trip, but I’m keeping financial health on my radar.)

4. Constitution: The interim acupuncturist is not so great, and this is good to know. Good eating happened even while traveling. +1

   1. Eating good food every day

   2. Healing: Acupuncture; therapy; daily medications

5. Charisma+2, because the NY trip really knocked this out of the park and will have long-lasting effects.

   1. Sleep

   2. Bonus: sauna, steps, sociability — this was all excellent, and the Broadway and NYPL glow is still with me. 

6. Dexterity+2, where I was only expecting a +1, largely because the Trial that I thought was coming hasn’t and a surprise Trial has blown up in its place, and all of this took a heroic amount of dexterity to navigate without dropping all the other many things that are always going on.

   1. Stay nimble and hold emotions loosely (especially at work:without getting caught up in the chaos)

   2. stay brave.

7. Stamina I’m making it work. I’m not sure if I will ever actually increase stamina; i’m here to see if I can maintain what I have. I am very impressed indeed with how I managed the constant pace of the NY trip. This is not something I would have thought possible, and I’m kind of glad I didn’t understand how much physicality would be involved, or I wouldn’t have said yes. +1

   1. Sleep, food, rest

 

Closing Stats

Con 8 +1=9

Str 7 +1=8

Int  10 +2=12

Dex 10 +2=12

Wis 10 +1=11

Cha 9 +2=11

Sta 3 +1=4

 

 

 

[Heidi]

Some notes

Stamina is at 3 (lowest natural roll of 3D6). Probably isn’t going to go up. Introversion modifier means that being out of my sanctuary and doing people-y things depletes what little stamina I have. Introversion modifier also lends a bonus to Insight & Inspiration feats.

 

As Batman showed us, having money available to be deployed at one’s Will is a real bonus. I’ve been steadily working my way out of debt and increasing savings at the same time. I have some 2023 low-spend/no-spend goals that will trigger modifiers:

• Credit rating 730+

• Credit card debt 0

• Savings = X months of regular expenses (E) (some sort of modifier formula is needed here, like  + [X-3 or X-6 divided by  3E or 6E] because 3-6 months is a basic emergency fund). Right now my X modifier is +1.

 

Some longer arc things in the works that have nothing to do with my day to day tasks and are all about character development:

• Writing my Philosopher Librarian D&D Character Story — current level 12 (because @Tanktimus the Encourager said so)

https://www.dandwiki.com/wiki/Philosopher_(3.5e_Class) 

https://hastur.net/wiki/Philosopher_(D&D_Class) 

https://www.dandwiki.com/wiki/Librarian_(3.5e_Class) 

https://www.dandwiki.com/wiki/Librarian_(5e_Background)

https://www.dandwiki.com/wiki/Librarian_(5e_Subclass)

• Armor: Neither Librarians nor Philosophers wear any armor, though they have been known to have a leather jacket or leather cloak. This is a mistake on their part, but it can’t be helped; they have thoughts on the matter. Despite this, their THAC0 is relatively high — wileyness seems to have its advantages, here.

• Attacks: The Philosopher Librarian is practically a pacifist out of necessity; they have no fighting skills per se, and they abhor physical violence. But they are wicked crafty with found objects, and able to plot a trajectory of where a foe is going to be, having an intuition & insight index that approaches Gretzky.

  • I couldn't beat people with my strength; I don't have a hard shot; I'm not the quickest skater in the league. My eyes and my mind have to do most of the work.

  • I get a feeling about where a teammate is going to be. A lot of times, I can turn and pass without even looking.

• .303 Bookworm 

  • Every 12 hours, the Bookworm makes its presence known (saving roll required against headaches and other regular effects). See the Table of Disorientation for results.

    • Temporary Effects (lasting 2-24 hours, DM to roll for duration)

      • Disorientation

      • Memory loss

      • Speech loss

      • Claustrophobia

      • Vertigo

      • Illiteracy

      • Nausea

      • Seizures

        • This is the most severe effect and triggers its own roll to see if medical intervention is required. The Player is ineffective for 24 hours.

    • Remedies: While nothing will remove the .303 Bookworm, its effects can be temporarily mitigated and dampened

      • Sauna (12 hours of increased resistance to effects)

      • Walking (12 hours of increased resistance to effects)

      • Tryptophan Potion (reduces effects by 50-100% for 24 hours)

      • Hot Bath (reduces effects by 10-50%) 

    • Saving rolls are negatively affected by personal conditions such as

      • Lack of Sleep

      • Tainted Food

      • Dehydration

      • Inversions

    • Between the regular rolls, a Saving roll can be triggered by a number of events, including 

      • Barometric Pressure changes

      • Flashing Lights

      • Loud, sharp sounds, or many sounds all at once

      • Inversion 

  • E: Money isn’t everything, but try going anywhere without it. The .303 Bookworm eats a hole in bank account balances, depleting them by 10-25% (saving roll). This essentially has the effect of increasing regular expenses (E) by the amount rolled by the DM. Bonus bit: the Bookworm gets feisty; the DM should roll to determine how many days or weeks pass until a Feistiness attack hits the bank account (additional saving roll). 

• Barbara Gordon short stories (The Reading Room)

• Philosophy One Sheet series (Ethics, Education) monthly at the public library

• Philosophy Book Club (monthly)

• Philosophy Film Club (monthly)

• Philosophy Podcast (monthly)

• Knitting

  • Projects

  • Book of Patterns

• November Novel

• 100 Page Book Series

[Heidi]

Zero Week starts this challenge off with me in Recovery Mode, lounging around and knitting, sometimes writing, sometimes watching a movie. The only constant is tea.

 

The current knitting project is approximately 120 rows and I have about 100 rows left to go.

 

The daily success matrix is having a clean apartment and having my homework done; everything else is optional, and there’s not much on the homework and apartment front just now, so it’s an excellent week for recovery activities. I’d like to at least add in the sauna, and possibly also bake some bread.

 

May you have peace this day, Friends.

 

🦋

[RES]

Here to encourage even though I know next to nothing about D&D. May your recovery mode do the intended, and enjoy the tea  

 

[Tanktimus the Encourager]

Following along, if a theologian who speaks philosopher may join the convivium.

[Heidi]

3 hours ago, RES said:

Here to encourage even though I know next to nothing about D&D. May your recovery mode do the intended, and enjoy the tea  

 

No D&D speak needed — I mostly used that space as a brain-dump while I had it in the corners of my mind.  

Welcome!

 

29 minutes ago, Tanktimus the Encourager said:

Following along, if a theologian who speaks philosopher may join the convivium.

Always, Friend. 

Be warned: lots of randomness might happen this challenge. I seem to have more randomness than usual right now.

 

Today is a good day.

Recovery is going well. I still don’t want to eat much, and can’t eat much at a single time, but the food that I’m eating is good. 

I set up the bread dough for tomorrow.

 

I have been knitting. It looks like the project will be closer to 25” total length, about five inches more than I originally estimated. I have knit over six inches so far, and all is well. 

 

The house is clean.

My homework is done.

Probably going to make toast in a bit.

❤️ 

[DarK_RaideR]

Hello and well met. I'll put the kettle on.

[Heidi]

5 hours ago, DarK_RaideR said:

Hello and well met. I'll put the kettle on.

Tea for all.

[Heidi]

I've made some tweaks to the road map based on last challenge's successes and friction points.

 

Making bread on Monday night instead of Tuesday afternoon for Mikayla. (This means setting up dough on Sunday night.)

 

Neatening the house on Monday evening and Thursday evening instead of only on Thursdays.

 

Setting up my morning and evening prescription doses on Sunday night for the coming week to prevent the "did I already take that?" moments that ended up with me accidentally double-dosing on occasion.

 

Despite liking the extra pay (kind of like having a built-in side gig for debt), I am considering keeping my work hours to 40. If not this challenge then next. I like that I kept the hours at or under 45 for the whole challenge, and didn't sweat the fewer than 40 on the week that I missed two days because of a procedure. We'll see how it goes, hours wise. Last challenge I found a rhythm with taking a reading lunch that meant my mind wasn't worn out yet and I ended up being available for the after 4 shenanigans. This might be the Way of balance at work.

 

Today was mostly knitting after three (of 11) modules for IRB certification (human subjects). I swear the modules are soul-sucking; I felt like I aged ten years. 

 

It took me all afternoon and evening to have any mental capacity restored. The varsity neckwarmer is coming along nicely.

[Darciana]

All of this sounds doable and very cozy, honestly. It may not seem cozy in the normal sense, but the way you plan and go about obstacles and silly mundane things that Must Get Done really does seem so. I wish to one day grow into the gentle pace of life you have set ❤️

[Heidi]

6 minutes ago, Darciana said:

All of this sounds doable and very cozy, honestly. It may not seem cozy in the normal sense, but the way you plan and go about obstacles and silly mundane things that Must Get Done really does seem so. I wish to one day grow into the gentle pace of life you have set ❤️

I think the key for me was the mindset change: there is no fight; I have no enemies.

This sounds as though I've lost my mind; I get it. OF COURSE there's a fight -- have you seen the economy/climate/workload/chore list/people at work/people at anywhere? Yes. Yes, I have, and I understand, Friend. The difference is that I'm not fighting anymore.

 

This led to my To-Do list just dissolving. What remained were things that continue to feel like an investment -- in my space, in my life, in my soul, in my capability. I know that sounds pretty woo woo, and I guess it sort of is.  

[Darciana]

15 minutes ago, Heidi said:

I think the key for me was the mindset change: there is no fight; I have no enemies.

This sounds as though I've lost my mind; I get it. OF COURSE there's a fight -- have you seen the economy/climate/workload/chore list/people at work/people at anywhere? Yes. Yes, I have, and I understand, Friend. The difference is that I'm not fighting anymore.

 

This led to my To-Do list just dissolving. What remained were things that continue to feel like an investment -- in my space, in my life, in my soul, in my capability. I know that sounds pretty woo woo, and I guess it sort of is.  

I'm not against woo woo at all if it really makes a difference! Thank you for breaking that down, I really like the way you frame things. I will have to definitely work on this

[Heidi]

On 9/5/2023 at 9:20 AM, Darciana said:

I'm not against woo woo at all if it really makes a difference! Thank you for breaking that down, I really like the way you frame things. I will have to definitely work on this

Keep posting and asking questions; this is the Way.

I know that the way I broke it down sounds like it was a magic, straight line. I assure you, it was not.

 

About 10 years ago I was finishing up cleaning the floors in the downstairs of my three-bedroom house. It was 2 in the morning, and the 3 children were all upstairs asleep. I was feeling good about finally having the housework done and able to get a few hours sleep before going to work in the morning (at a job environment that felt like it was trying to kill me, but nearly-almost paid the bills )and do homework afterward for a certificate program. My children's fathers didn't pay child support regulalrly or often, and I was was drowning in bills, and I hoped that the certificate would help me transition to a career that was less inhospitable. I started to pick up the cleaning supplies and noticed I was weeping, which turned to sobbing, which turned to me sitting in child's pose on the freshly cleaned and gleaming hardwood floor near the foot of the stairs, saying  through the tears"i don't know how to make it better, please, God, just let me know what I need to do."

 

So, you know.

It wasn't always cozy and isn't always easy.

The pain and discomfort of staying the same was greater than the pain and discomfort of doing something different.

That was ten years ago, and it's been a long journey, filled with many opportunities to go back to living life as though it's a fight and starting each day as though the alarm was a starting gun for the race.

 

By the way, in case you're interested, I did get an answer that night in 2013.

I heard a voice in my head, like I was wearing earbuds or something.

"Go to sleep."

Wait, what? I think I'm losing my mind. I thought. But then I heard it again.

"Go to sleep."

And that sounded like a pretty good idea, so I did.

[Darciana]

That's a really great testimony (not great you went through it, but great in that you've overcome all that).

 

I know I need to let go of a lot, but it's so hard. I'm starting to get there with meditation. I need to make that more of a daily habit, I think, than a "every now and again" as it really helps me release some of that worry and stress. Particularly over the things I have little or no control of.

 

You are truly an inspiration, my Friend, and I hope you can see that. Thank you for being you and sharing your wisdom. I, for one, am grateful

[Heidi]

35 minutes ago, Darciana said:

I, for one, am grateful

Actually, I'm benefitting be sharing, so thank you.

 

On a completely different note, you know how in tv shows they do that thing where a braniac character gets a simple question and equations start flying around?

 

Yeah, like that.

I need one of those but for newspapers, articles, and reference books.

[Darciana]

26 minutes ago, Heidi said:

On a completely different note, you know how in tv shows they do that thing where a braniac character gets a simple question and equations start flying around?

 

Yeah, like that.

I need one of those but for newspapers, articles, and reference books.

I need that but for engineering things. Like a full working 3D model that shows me the necessary data points I'm looking for. And the equations that best suit the application. And attempting to do mental math with lots of people talking all at once.

 

If you find The Floaties please let me know how so I, too, may acquire this very useful skill.

[Mistr]

7 hours ago, Heidi said:

I think the key for me was the mindset change: there is no fight; I have no enemies.

This sounds as though I've lost my mind; I get it. OF COURSE there's a fight -- have you seen the economy/climate/workload/chore list/people at work/people at anywhere? Yes. Yes, I have, and I understand, Friend. The difference is that I'm not fighting anymore.

 

This led to my To-Do list just dissolving. What remained were things that continue to feel like an investment -- in my space, in my life, in my soul, in my capability. I know that sounds pretty woo woo, and I guess it sort of is.  

 

Your experience is inspiring to me. I have been struggling with challenges similar in tone (but not severity) to yours. I have been letting go and things are getting better, or at least less stressful. I appreciate you talking about all this. 

[Heidi]

1 hour ago, Mistr said:

 

Your experience is inspiring to me. I have been struggling with challenges similar in tone (but not severity) to yours. I have been letting go and things are getting better, or at least less stressful. I appreciate you talking about all this. 

Feel free to say more, or drop me a DM. 

I am serious when I say that sharing this journey deepens my life.

 

Today is a good day. Work was a wash, but I got a lot written and thought about in terms of Information Ethics (as a whole landscape), and about public libraries (from an institutional analysis point of view). This term is proving to be extremely difficult, not because the topics are difficult or because there is a lot of basic work to be done, but because there is a ginormous amount of pedantry embedded in one of the classes, and two of the classes have a somewhat suboptimal discussion post structure.  Whatever, I will certainly find my way through. And of course I’m loving the topics and the readings and the various research investigations.  This is good, and helps me know that I am on the right path. Even so, the CITI modules are making me carsick when I so much as think about them. The completion certificate is due on Saturday or Sunday, so all will be well. A couple modules a night will take care of this.

 

I knit last night until the piece measured about nine inches, then started expanding it — I decided to make a version of the Cabled Mantle because I like cables and rib knitting was starting to numb my brain. I knit another inch to establish the cables and increases, and then slept like a baby until 7 this morning.

 

It was pretty difficult to log in, but I’m glad I did. Our PM had a death in the family early this morning, and she’s going to be out for who knows how long. I flat-out didn’t hear from anyone on The Other Column or from leadership, and this is getting to be pretty standard. As of Friday, our two-column  team will have only one senior developer, and we are getting ready to launch major company wide initiatives, and it might all hit the fan, and that’s okay too. It’s not like my column is going to be affected dramatically, nor can my column do much to stop the train wreck that is likely happening. 

 

The vegetables arrived, and I was very glad that I had already made bread and cleaned out the refrigerator and various vegetable bins. I washed the lettuce and put it away , and then took last week’s tomatoes and nestled them whole (with a bit of the stems or whatever trimmed off) in the small crock pot with plenty of olive oil, one of the onions from last week, and a large clove of garlic from a couple weeks ago. I stirred in some oregano, salt, and pepper and set the whole thing to simmer on high while the rest of the workday did its thing. I also set up a quart of navy beans to cook until morning so that I can have them on hand to make a white bean chili. Maybe I’ll add chicken to it; maybe I’ll just skip it. While I was getting the navy beans from the cabinet above the stove, the bag bumped the cardamom spice jar, which plunged to its death and shattered on the concrete floor. The apartment smells very autumnal.

 

I chopped some of this week’s green beans and carrots and will add them to the tomatoes once they are all squish-able. It’s going to be a minestrone kind of day, even though temperatures reached the mid-nineties by ten this morning and are just loitering there, same as yesterday, when the temperature didn’t drop into the upper 80s until well after 9 p.m. I know there are places that have it worse, but it’s just downright inhospitable outside, and I’m grateful for the air conditioning, my lovely little Loft, and all the good food that is in it.

 

When Kat dropped off the vegetables, she mentioned that she and her husband are joining the Y, and we gabbed about what that means. She said maybe I’d like to come to workout with her and Mikayla on Tuesday and Thursday mornings, and that sounds like a good plan actually. I haven’t done weights since the head injury, and I think my overall stamina might improve if I add weights in. Also, I think it would be a healthy perspective to not log into work until 9 on a couple days a week, just to see what my soul gets up to. This weekend showed me that I’m getting way too indoctrinated to the wake-and-work cycle again.

 

The solution is obviously more knitting, more creative wool-gathering about a D&D style character story, and more gym time.  

May you have peace this day.

[Sovalis]

Hello my darling Philosopher Dragon. I'm back from my adventures and here to follow along with your progress. 💜

[Heidi]

1 hour ago, Sovalis said:

Hello my darling Philosopher Dragon. I'm back from my adventures and here to follow along with your progress. 💜

Hey, great to see you Octopus Regent!

This is going to be a squirrely one, I think, filled with twists and turns and long stretches of ho-hum in-between. Glad to have you around.

 

I'm awake.

I've been asleep and awake three times in the last two hours and I don't know what's going on but by goodness, I'm definitely*awake* now. Ok, Universe.

 

Going to go make tea and stuff.

[Loveable_Bouncer]

Heyo, I saw that you in the tavern saying you are doing a D&D challenge. Passively having some incites at the same time  

[Heidi]

1 hour ago, Loveable_Bouncer said:

Heyo, I saw that you in the tavern saying you are doing a D&D challenge. Passively having some incites at the same time  

Hi, and well met!  

 

Just a quick note to say that work was a lot, and I did two modules on my lunch break, and now i'm jetting off to a planning meeting on the other side of town. But at least it's at a library. ❤️ 

[Heidi]

Just got back from the library across town. The meeting was great, actually, and I’m so glad I went.

Bonus: I took the bus there and back again, and I’m very grateful we have quality public transportation, even though the schedules are awful.

 

I got to the library a little early, as one does when taking a bus, and ended up milling around the For Sale books at the bottom of the stairs. I picked up a copy of The Tale of Edward Sawtelle for a dollar. At 566 pages in hardback, it’s kind of the complete opposite of a 100 page book, but I remember that I was enthralled by the writing and that when I finished it, back in 2008 shortly after it was published, I closed the cover and proclaimed it The Great American Novel. Of course, I remember all of that, but have almost no memory beyond a delightful scene somewhere in the middle (that has very little consequence, I think) of what actually happens in the book. I opened to the first page, read the first sentence, and knew that my assessment then was good and true.

After dark the rain began to fall again, but he had already made up his mind to go and anyway it had been raining for weeks.

I’m looking forward to reading it again.

 

Fitbit says I got in over 4,000 steps today, which is a nice change. I’ve been overly sedentary for the last couple weeks. 

As I was getting things together for the trip out, I got a pinch in my brain, which is usually the start of a massive migraine episode that starts from deep inside, a situation I haven’t had in many months, and I meant to take a Maxalt, which I had in my backpack, but then promptly forgot about completely by the time I got on the bus. Apparently this was all okay. I think some immediate walking and water definitely helped, and this is good to know. Apparently I was so distracted by focusing on getting to the bus that I forgot my notebook, which is sort of like saying “i forgot my left hand,” but whatever. All is well, and I had enough space in my backpack as a result that I was able to put the new-to-me book inside for the walk home from the bus stop. 

 

I made an executive decision for my graduation gift to myself that is better than any gown or other finery, and I signed up for a payment plan today. If all goes according to plan, I’ll be getting at least one degree in May 2025, possibly two. This is a big deal, friends, and I will be celebrating my wins along the way as well as at the end. 

[Tanktimus the Encourager]

I celebrate with you. Maybe a shield to go with the sword?

[DarK_RaideR]

On 9/5/2023 at 11:54 AM, Heidi said:

(at a job environment that  felt like it was trying to kill me, but nearly-almost paid the bills )

 

On 9/5/2023 at 11:54 AM, Heidi said:

"i don't know how to make it better, please, God, just let me know what I need to do."

Both quotes, way too relatable.

 

Hugs, friend.