[DarK_RaideR]

Challenge Day 16: Tuesday, September 26

 

The pressing, short term goal: Stay afloat

The expenses, OH LAWD THEY COMIN.  Was to be expected, I suppose. Still keeping things under control, more info on the details in the next goal's update.

 

The substantial, long term goal: Adjust living and employment

I was told this morning that another colleague quit my former employers, this one a decent dude who was debating of pulling the trigger around the same time as me. He had stuff to do at the courthouses today and plenty of free time after that, so we arranged a meet up for an update.  Since my dad's landing on Thrusday evening and I'll pick him up from the airport, I took the car for a wash (€€) and met the guy for a coffee (€€). We caught up and I was informed another girl from our social group is planning to quit next week, so we all arranged to meet that day and the next one after work.  Hit a nearby butcher shop (€€) for something to cook later in the day, then got the clean car and drove to the supermarket (€€) for the most basic and limited of groceries. Didn't spend much time home after that, just set out for the post work coffee/beer (€€) and now I'm back home posting this update after I've cooked dinner. Oh, forgot to mention, I was at the meeting spot about an hour earlier in the evening, so I brought my laptop with me and did some update on my list of things to do. This wasn't just formatting, I actually looked some stuff up.

 

The materialistic goal: Spruce up the house
Didn't do the cleaning, was a toss up between that and taking the car for a wash. Decided to handle the car first since I'd be going out anyway, so the cleaning should happen tomorrow.

 

The oddball goal: Duolingo

Did my classes on both languages. I was today years old when I discovered you don't have to complete all lessons in a module to move to the next chapter, but you can also choose to take a slightly harder test and jump to it immediately. I'm still taking the step by step approach on the Spanish, which I know very little of, but as far as brushing up my German, this was a blessing and I can stop wasting time repeating the same simplistic exercises over and over again.

 

 

Alright, confession time. Spoilered in case you can't handle (trigger warning) police brutality.

Spoiler

So there's this guy, we'll call him The Barman, because he does indeed work at a bar not far from where I live.  The Barman used to live next door to me with two other guys and his cat. We got to know each other shortly after they moved in and were settling in. Because we live in a block of flats, anything regarding the common areas, elevator, expenses etc is delegated to a single tenant. Our particular old lady responsible for such things (who I'd later catch reading a far right ultranationalist newspaper while enjoying her coffee) was making a scene outside my apartment door one day; I went out to check and she was screaming something about collecting signatures from the tenants to have my neighbours kicked out for making noise. I told her, as politely as I could, that not only was that illegal and impossible, but I also shared a wall with those guys and had no complaints, something she couldn't in any sensible way have while living three floors beneath us. This was our introduction to each other and because our flats were originally built as one single apartment before it was split, we do share a common balcony that now has a basic glass separator; it was under that separator (or by walking across the railing) that The Barman's cat would come to visit my (only, at the time) cat. Over a short period of time, our cats became best friends (my cat used to hate everything, himself included, so this was a miracle) and it also turned out that they both had the exact same urine issue, which in turn required them to consume the same medicinal food. Between all that and finding out that The Barman works at an establishment I would occasionally visit, we became friends. I'd stop by to chat with him and spend money to support his workplace, he'd offer me free drinks or a discount. We'd hang out in each other's house, we'd order our cats' food in bulk to save money and then split it, as well as the costs, in two, that kind of stuff. Any way, despite him being about a decade younger than me, we really hit it off and even after he moved out to live on his own, we'd still keep in touch, even watch over each other's cats while one of us was out of town. I should mention at this point that separating our cats was a big blow for mine and I could tell the difference every time they were rejoined, something that would be a big reason for me keeping my younger one after I'd rescued him and seeing how they two of them got along.

 

ANYWAY

 

Earlier this month, I learned The Barman was going to his hometown, which is a 2,5-3h drive from mine. I assumed he was visiting family or something, but little did I know. Few days later, one of the guys next door rang my bell to check if The Barman's cat, who was staying next door -and visiting- while The Barman was out of town, which was also when he broke the news to me: The Barman was out of town because his dad had been murdered by police.

 

According to The Barman (and what he'd later publically share), his 58 year old dad got pulled over late at night on September 1st while driving on an old highway, by a special operations branch of the police, militarized enough to basically resemble SWAT. Presumably, they found a small quantity of cannabis on him, cuffed him, dragged him next to their police car and "interrogated" him about where he got that from. The eyewitnesses who happened to drive by and stopped, report that they saw a man on the ground, bleeding profusely, still handcuffed, while officers were on the phone with a nearby hospital getting directions and trying to revive him, erroneously (they were squeezing his stomach instead of his chest). One eyewitness protested the police should at least uncuff the man, while another who knew proper CPR stepped in to provide first aid. Unfortunately, The Barman's dad was transferred to the local hospital, where he was pronounced dead upon arrival. Besides The Barman and The Barman's mom, he is also survived by his second wife and two underaged children. Immediately, the police leaked a story to the press (like they always do to shape first impressions and cover their tracks) about "a middle aged man who, despite the policemen's superhuman efforts to revive him, collapsed of a heart attack during a routine check by traffic wardens on the freeway". The Barman was informed later about his dad's passing and immediately booked the tickets. After he was filled in by eyewitnesses, he took legal action while also putting out a public statement to point out some key lies in the story that was leaked to the press: 1) His dad wasn't stopped by traffic wardens, but a rather militaristic SpecOps branch of the police, 2) This didn't happen on the freeway but on a less busy highway, 3) There were no "superhuman attempts to revive him" nor was there any mention of a beating, wheras it was clear from the man's shattered glasses and bloodied corpse that this was no heart attack;even to those who attended the funeral could clearly see the signs of blunt force trauma to the head (read: gaping holes in his skull). I would also add that no person, no matter who they are or what they've done, should be treated in such fashion, murdered in cold blood and then have everything falsified for the cover up. The toxicological exams are still pending, for now the coroner did, of course, side with the police and stated that the man died of a heart attack, but even that never tells the whole story (wasn't "heart attack" the chief reason given for the deaths of people who worked all day in the desert heat to build the World Cup stadiums in Qatar?).

 

Sure looks like a heart attack, right? No foul play, none at all...

 

I'm writing this because I was reminded again (not that I ever forgot) of the entire story today, as I was updating my list of bills and expenses and had to add a small amount that'll go towards helping The Barman with legal, procedural, medical and other expenses. Because I'd never seen the man and when a photo/sketch was publicized, he looks exactly like The Barman, which makes it even freakier. Because repeated, extensive past experience shows that the murderers will either get away scot free or with a slap on the wrist. Because after the initial shock and rage (there was never unfortunately any disbelief) I am still not over this and won't be for a good while, if ever. Because the injustice and sense of helplessness as I witness the rise of fascism firsthand in real time, is a crushing feeling. Because there's constant reminders that every day, me and those around me are still alive through sheer luck and coincidence. Because it might not have been the last straw in me deciding to move abroad, but it sure makes me feel like I'm making the right decision.

 

[Tanktimus the Encourager]

Well...

Fuck.

[Sovalis]

30 minutes ago, Tanktimus the Encourager said:

Well...

Fuck.

Yes. That. 

[WhiteGhost]

You know your country is messed up when the guy living in China says "boy am I glad I live here instead of over there"

[darkfoxx]

Jeebus 

[Heidi]

21 hours ago, DarK_RaideR said:

Because there's constant reminders that every day, me and those around me are still alive through sheer luck and coincidence. Because it might not have been the last straw in me deciding to move abroad, but it sure makes me feel like I'm making the right decision.

I felt this.

❤️ 

[DarK_RaideR]

Thanks all. Feels like I needed to get that out of my chest. Guess you now have a better idea of where my head's at and I'm certain it's still affecting me on many levels. Just having to explain that story last night compounded the sadz of being back from my trip, so I'm guessing it was the reason I just couldn't fall asleep. Eventually I got out of bed and made 2 extensive posts on 2 different forums I've been postponing for about 2 months each:  one in the RPG play-by-post forum where I'm DMing a 1e Pathfder game, in which the players just sprung an ambush, meaning I had to calculate everything, put up maps, resolve, narrate and explain it, the other in the forums of Total Extreme Wrestling where I've been doing a diary much like those I used to do on my past challenges, which I'd left right before one show where I had the backlog of results but had to turn it into a narration, format and post it. Once those were done around 6am, I finally collapsed onto bed and got some sleep untill around 10, when I was woken up by a phone call.

 

Which brings me to another thing I've been thinking about in a while, ADHD. More on this in a moment.

 

Challenge Day 17: Wednesday, September 27

 

The pressing, short term goal: Stay afloat

Had to go out and buy a sack of dry food for the cats. Also treated myself to takeout because what I'd had for dinner never really hit the spot. Things are starting to get a little tight.

 

The substantial, long term goal: Adjust living and employment

Due to the wonky sleep schedule from last night, I didn't get to do much practical stuff in regards to this;it was mostly introspection, which brings me to the ADHD I mentioned earlier.  I haven't much thought about it in the past, probably because mental health awareness hadn't been that much of a thing but also because I'm guessing I considered you'd have to suffer from a crippling, almost cartoonish lack of focus in order to be diagnosed with ADHD. Lately, I've been starting to see things in a different light though and I'm seeing stuff you could call suspicious. Mind you, I'm trying to scrutinize things well before linking them to ADHD, so I'm not counting, say, a (to-be-expected) shorter span of attention due to the pace of modern life, social media etc, or what @Heidi recently dubbed TeenageBrain (that FOMO-esque sense of being unable to enjoy what you're doing because you constantly think you'd rather/should be doing something else).

 

Much like with the first post of this thread, I'd written a long extensive analysis, in which I broke down basic ADHD symptoms and examples of how I might have been displaying them, from start/stop excitement with hobbies and projects, forgetting where I've parked or what I wanted to say, interrupting people even without meaning to, geting random bursts of hyperfocus etc. Then, much like with the first post of this thread, I deleted it all and settled for these few lines. I mean, even the urge to explain extensively and the habit of getting lost in that explanation, even before I start telling a story or making a point is probably a symptom unto itself. Hyperfixating on writing all that only to then delete it on a whim, is probably a symptom. Providing extensive background even when it's not quite needed (see my previous post and all the info before actually narrating what happened to The Barman's dad) is probably a symptom. My occasional rants and frequent use of parentheses to interject thoughts is probably a symptom. There's no need to extensively describe my experience, just look up a random page of ADHD memes and I relate to about 75% of them (because many also involve that AHDH/autism combo).

 

I'm not a specialist and I'm not self diagnosing here. I'm just saying the hints are all there and I might have to consider a diagnosis. It could help.

 

The materialistic goal: Spruce up the house
Didn't get to do that cleaning today. Most likely gonna go berzerk tomorrow right before I set out to pick up my dad from the airport, which is when I'll do this and probably a few other things just because of my mind switching into lazer focus mode before an event or deadline. Again, might be a symptom.

 

The oddball goal: Duolingo

Classes done on both languages, think I did a good bunch of lessons on each.

[RES]

1 hour ago, DarK_RaideR said:

Much like with the first post of this thread, I'd written a long extensive analysis, in which I broke down basic ADHD symptoms and examples of how I might have been displaying them, from start/stop excitement with hobbies and projects, forgetting where I've parked or what I wanted to say, interrupting people even without meaning to, geting random bursts of hyperfocus etc. Then, much like with the first post of this thread, I deleted it all and settled for these few lines. I mean, even the urge to explain extensively and the habit of getting lost in that explanation, even before I start telling a story or making a point is probably a symptom unto itself. Hyperfixating on writing all that only to then delete it on a whim, is probably a symptom. Providing extensive background even when it's not quite needed (see my previous post and all the info before actually narrating what happened to The Barman's dad) is probably a symptom. My occasional rants and frequent use of parentheses to interject thoughts is probably a symptom. There's no need to extensively describe my experience, just look up a random page of ADHD memes and I relate to about 75% of them (because many also involve that AHDH/autism combo).

It wasn't until the last several years I've noticed I've done the same thing most of my life...

 

On 9/26/2023 at 6:39 PM, DarK_RaideR said:

The Barman was out of town because his dad had been murdered by police.

I'm so sorry about this, but fuck how sad is it this doesn't even surprise me anymore?

[DarK_RaideR]

So I got curious this morning and did a few five online tests...

Spoiler

 

 

 

 

 

[DarK_RaideR]

Challenge Day 18: Thursday, September 28

 

The pressing, short term goal: Stay afloat

No expenses today, though I'm paying tolls on the road to and from the airport when I'm picking my dad up later today.

 

The substantial, long term goal: Adjust living and employment

As mentioned, I did some tests this morning, fully aware they're not supposed to replace a proper diagnosis but be more of a first feel if one should look further into it. For that reason, I did a bunch of different tests to get different opinions and although the questions were more or less the same, I did provide spontaneous answers and all of them seem to indicate I'm there or borderline just before it. Two things to be noted though. First, "self diagnosis" through memes can always be a trap, because they all rely on relatability, so there's always the chance of something describing some sort of frustration you can relate to and BAM you've made the erroneous logical leap into assuming you might have that thing. Two, diagnosis seems to look for, among other things, chronic symptoms (which I've had, although I don't recall having most of them during my years as a child) and those issues being problems to one's daily function (which mine aren't, at least not in some major life-impacting way). This does however confirm two of my original positions: one, adhd is a spectrum rather than a black/white thing and two, I'm not exactly looking to treat this thing if it's there, because it's not crippling, I'm more interested to know if that's what's actually happening in my head.

 

Giving myself some leeway on this for the weekend, as I'll have my dad around and the trip on Sunday.

 

The materialistic goal: Spruce up the house
As expected, did all the cleaning just before I meant to hop on the shower and drive off. Thought I'd update here first and while I was typing, my dad called to let me know his flight is delayed. Bonus mention, I did some decluttering in the kitchen.

 

The oddball goal: Duolingo

Actually lost 4 hearts in a single Spanish class, so I only did a couple of German classes before I lost my last heart there. Since the flight's delayed, I might hop on now and do a few more lessons.

[deftona]

Can you send me the links to the ADHD tests? I'd be curious...

[RES]

2 hours ago, deftona said:

Can you send me the links to the ADHD tests? I'd be curious...

+1

[Jarric]

On 9/26/2023 at 11:39 PM, DarK_RaideR said:

Alright, confession time. Spoilered in case you can't handle (trigger warning) police brutality.

  Reveal hidden contents

So there's this guy, we'll call him The Barman, because he does indeed work at a bar not far from where I live.  The Barman used to live next door to me with two other guys and his cat. We got to know each other shortly after they moved in and were settling in. Because we live in a block of flats, anything regarding the common areas, elevator, expenses etc is delegated to a single tenant. Our particular old lady responsible for such things (who I'd later catch reading a far right ultranationalist newspaper while enjoying her coffee) was making a scene outside my apartment door one day; I went out to check and she was screaming something about collecting signatures from the tenants to have my neighbours kicked out for making noise. I told her, as politely as I could, that not only was that illegal and impossible, but I also shared a wall with those guys and had no complaints, something she couldn't in any sensible way have while living three floors beneath us. This was our introduction to each other and because our flats were originally built as one single apartment before it was split, we do share a common balcony that now has a basic glass separator; it was under that separator (or by walking across the railing) that The Barman's cat would come to visit my (only, at the time) cat. Over a short period of time, our cats became best friends (my cat used to hate everything, himself included, so this was a miracle) and it also turned out that they both had the exact same urine issue, which in turn required them to consume the same medicinal food. Between all that and finding out that The Barman works at an establishment I would occasionally visit, we became friends. I'd stop by to chat with him and spend money to support his workplace, he'd offer me free drinks or a discount. We'd hang out in each other's house, we'd order our cats' food in bulk to save money and then split it, as well as the costs, in two, that kind of stuff. Any way, despite him being about a decade younger than me, we really hit it off and even after he moved out to live on his own, we'd still keep in touch, even watch over each other's cats while one of us was out of town. I should mention at this point that separating our cats was a big blow for mine and I could tell the difference every time they were rejoined, something that would be a big reason for me keeping my younger one after I'd rescued him and seeing how they two of them got along.

 

ANYWAY

 

Earlier this month, I learned The Barman was going to his hometown, which is a 2,5-3h drive from mine. I assumed he was visiting family or something, but little did I know. Few days later, one of the guys next door rang my bell to check if The Barman's cat, who was staying next door -and visiting- while The Barman was out of town, which was also when he broke the news to me: The Barman was out of town because his dad had been murdered by police.

 

According to The Barman (and what he'd later publically share), his 58 year old dad got pulled over late at night on September 1st while driving on an old highway, by a special operations branch of the police, militarized enough to basically resemble SWAT. Presumably, they found a small quantity of cannabis on him, cuffed him, dragged him next to their police car and "interrogated" him about where he got that from. The eyewitnesses who happened to drive by and stopped, report that they saw a man on the ground, bleeding profusely, still handcuffed, while officers were on the phone with a nearby hospital getting directions and trying to revive him, erroneously (they were squeezing his stomach instead of his chest). One eyewitness protested the police should at least uncuff the man, while another who knew proper CPR stepped in to provide first aid. Unfortunately, The Barman's dad was transferred to the local hospital, where he was pronounced dead upon arrival. Besides The Barman and The Barman's mom, he is also survived by his second wife and two underaged children. Immediately, the police leaked a story to the press (like they always do to shape first impressions and cover their tracks) about "a middle aged man who, despite the policemen's superhuman efforts to revive him, collapsed of a heart attack during a routine check by traffic wardens on the freeway". The Barman was informed later about his dad's passing and immediately booked the tickets. After he was filled in by eyewitnesses, he took legal action while also putting out a public statement to point out some key lies in the story that was leaked to the press: 1) His dad wasn't stopped by traffic wardens, but a rather militaristic SpecOps branch of the police, 2) This didn't happen on the freeway but on a less busy highway, 3) There were no "superhuman attempts to revive him" nor was there any mention of a beating, wheras it was clear from the man's shattered glasses and bloodied corpse that this was no heart attack;even to those who attended the funeral could clearly see the signs of blunt force trauma to the head (read: gaping holes in his skull). I would also add that no person, no matter who they are or what they've done, should be treated in such fashion, murdered in cold blood and then have everything falsified for the cover up. The toxicological exams are still pending, for now the coroner did, of course, side with the police and stated that the man died of a heart attack, but even that never tells the whole story (wasn't "heart attack" the chief reason given for the deaths of people who worked all day in the desert heat to build the World Cup stadiums in Qatar?).

 

Sure looks like a heart attack, right? No foul play, none at all...

 

I'm writing this because I was reminded again (not that I ever forgot) of the entire story today, as I was updating my list of bills and expenses and had to add a small amount that'll go towards helping The Barman with legal, procedural, medical and other expenses. Because I'd never seen the man and when a photo/sketch was publicized, he looks exactly like The Barman, which makes it even freakier. Because repeated, extensive past experience shows that the murderers will either get away scot free or with a slap on the wrist. Because after the initial shock and rage (there was never unfortunately any disbelief) I am still not over this and won't be for a good while, if ever. Because the injustice and sense of helplessness as I witness the rise of fascism firsthand in real time, is a crushing feeling. Because there's constant reminders that every day, me and those around me are still alive through sheer luck and coincidence. Because it might not have been the last straw in me deciding to move abroad, but it sure makes me feel like I'm making the right decision.

 

 

Really sorry to hear about this man, that's absolutely fucking horrible. 

[DarK_RaideR]

16 hours ago, deftona said:

Can you send me the links to the ADHD tests? I'd be curious...

14 hours ago, RES said:

+1

@deftona @RES Literally the 5 first links Dr. Google came up with

 

https://www.clinical-partners.co.uk/for-adults/adult-adhd-add/test-for-adhd

https://www.psycom.net/adhd-test

https://psychcentral.com/quizzes/adhd-quiz#take-the-quiz

https://screening.mhanational.org/screening-tools/adhd/?layout=hide_progress

https://add.org/adhd-test/

 

Bonus

https://adhduk.co.uk/adult-adhd-screening-survey/

https://exceptionalindividuals.com/candidates/neurodiversity-resources/neurodiversity-quizzes/adhd-quiz-test/

https://www.adhdcentre.co.uk/adhd-quiz/

[cd667]

Hey, @DarK_RaideR. You probably won't remember me (I tend to ghost forums), but in the time I was not on this forum I have received a diagnosis of ADHD.

 

It is interesting how well we manage in spite of the way the world is. I was successful in many ways (I still am), but I was constantly miserable. I could keep doing one thing really well, but only to the exclusion of everything else. It was exhausting and I'd burn out.

 

For me, the best gifts of my diagnosis have been:

 

1. MEDICATION. I had a girlfriend who had ADHD who gave me some of her Ritalin once (I was about 33, so this was more than a decade ago). I did a spreadsheet. The way I like to describe ADHD is as shortsightedness, but with time instead of eyesight. When I take my meds, I know the order I need to do jobs in. And the feeling of completing a day's work without forgetting something is wonderful.
2. REALISING MY LIMITATIONS AND THINGS I NEED TO AVOID. I now know I only have a couple of hours of focused attention in me on any given day, and sometimes not that if I haven't slept. I am much more selective about the things I bestow with the gift of my attention.
3. PEER SUPPORT AND ASKING FOR HELP WHEN I NEED IT. I am what I am, which is someone born with an executive function disorder. That's not laziness. I ask for help now. I'm in accountability groups. I get help from my partner rather than hiding things that make me feel lost. Which leads me to the most important gift of my diagnosis.
4. UNPACKING ALL THE SHAME that I couldn't keep my shit together before my diagnosis. I still can't, actually. But I know it isn't a moral thing. My dad was (is) a massive bully. He tried to get me to do all sorts of things by shaming me into doing them. I've closed his business, and I'm a hundred times happier. The thing is, he wanted me to do the things he couldn't - if you have ADHD, there's a pretty good chance one or both of your parents do as well. He has a terrible self-image based on similar shame to the one I have. Realising I have choices is a massive thing.

All I will say about the condition and reading about it on social media is be very careful what you allow into your head, because a lot of it is wrong. Definitely treat Reddit with suspicion, and also most of YouTube. Be very careful of anyone who describes it as a superpower, or that it can be cured with diet or burning your phone. You are not a "hunter in a farmer's world", you are just a person with ADHD. Much more than that, actually, but that's just one thing about you.

 

I can send you a list of recommended reading and videos to watch, if you're interested.

[DarK_RaideR]

On 9/29/2023 at 5:34 PM, cd667 said:

Hey, @DarK_RaideR. You probably won't remember me (I tend to ghost forums), but in the time I was not on this forum I have received a diagnosis of ADHD.

 

It is interesting how well we manage in spite of the way the world is. I was successful in many ways (I still am), but I was constantly miserable. I could keep doing one thing really well, but only to the exclusion of everything else. It was exhausting and I'd burn out.

 

For me, the best gifts of my diagnosis have been:

 

1. MEDICATION. I had a girlfriend who had ADHD who gave me some of her Ritalin once (I was about 33, so this was more than a decade ago). I did a spreadsheet. The way I like to describe ADHD is as shortsightedness, but with time instead of eyesight. When I take my meds, I know the order I need to do jobs in. And the feeling of completing a day's work without forgetting something is wonderful.
2. REALISING MY LIMITATIONS AND THINGS I NEED TO AVOID. I now know I only have a couple of hours of focused attention in me on any given day, and sometimes not that if I haven't slept. I am much more selective about the things I bestow with the gift of my attention.
3. PEER SUPPORT AND ASKING FOR HELP WHEN I NEED IT. I am what I am, which is someone born with an executive function disorder. That's not laziness. I ask for help now. I'm in accountability groups. I get help from my partner rather than hiding things that make me feel lost. Which leads me to the most important gift of my diagnosis.
4. UNPACKING ALL THE SHAME that I couldn't keep my shit together before my diagnosis. I still can't, actually. But I know it isn't a moral thing. My dad was (is) a massive bully. He tried to get me to do all sorts of things by shaming me into doing them. I've closed his business, and I'm a hundred times happier. The thing is, he wanted me to do the things he couldn't - if you have ADHD, there's a pretty good chance one or both of your parents do as well. He has a terrible self-image based on similar shame to the one I have. Realising I have choices is a massive thing.

All I will say about the condition and reading about it on social media is be very careful what you allow into your head, because a lot of it is wrong. Definitely treat Reddit with suspicion, and also most of YouTube. Be very careful of anyone who describes it as a superpower, or that it can be cured with diet or burning your phone. You are not a "hunter in a farmer's world", you are just a person with ADHD. Much more than that, actually, but that's just one thing about you.

 

I can send you a list of recommended reading and videos to watch, if you're interested.

Hello and welcome, welcome back to NF and welcome to my challenge thread. The username feels like a long lost memory, though I'd be lying if I said I remember you and what you're all about. Welcome regardless, good to have you here.

 

You are correct about lots of stuff online being wrong, especially memes and YouTube (hence my ironic use of "Dr. Google" in the previous post). Already spoke of relatability and mistaking simply being fed up with stuff in your work or life for an actual medical condition, which is what ADHD is. It's no superpower and it's not handled simply through diets and snake oils. Would appreciate the reading/viewing list though.

 

Challenge Day 19+20: Friday, September 28 and Saturday, September 29

 

The pressing, short term goal: Stay afloat

I did make some minor expenses, like paying for breakfast coffee or bus tickets. It did briefly piss me off that my dad didn't offer to cover those and acted like we're on the same financial level, but I was quick to reign in my bullshit; those aren't major expenses indeed, plus the man's paying for much bigger ones (from gas/food/hotels during our Serbian trip to meals this weekend and what he's about to assist me with in the near future) without ever making a fuss. With that in mind, I tempered myself and avoided being an ungrateful brat. Also, I gave some cash I had to the guys next door for The Barman's expenses. Apparently they've printed out t-shirts to support him and they gave me one, which is nice.

 

The substantial, long term goal: Adjust living and employment

I did give myself some leeway on this one, however I still managed to do a bit of introspection. Deffy also had an interesting suggestion in regards to my plan, so I do have stuff to think about.

 

The materialistic goal: Spruce up the house
Don't think my dad spoke more than two sentences about the housework and I'm pretty sure one of them was "there's not that  much to be done, after all". As expected, with my mom's whole election thing in full swing while he's got the house repairs (and expenses) plus their trip to Jordan after that, he was more than happy to leave my housework to be determined sometime in the future. The big news here is I actually told the neighbours next door about the plans to move. Before I could finish my sentence and carry on with my suggestion, they mentioned that The Barman has said in the past he'd love to live there and should I ever move out, he'd be willing to move in the next day. Which is great, for a multitude of obvious reasons. I did message the man to also let him know of our discussion (and hopefully cheer him up with the good news) and he confirmed this to be the case. This does put the whole "apartment" business of repairing and renting it out in some sort of line for the coming months, since I also did a list of things I'd need to take with me when I move out. It's basically some clothes, books and CDs, stuff I could carry with me and won't have to bother with any transport companies. Saves me the expenses too, plus I'll rent out the flat as is, furnished, saving The Barman some moving expenses as well. In a way, it feels like I've sorted out the apartment and leftover legal cases, so that I no longer have to spread out my attention on several things but only on the work and visa bits that are also the hardest.

 

The oddball goal: Duolingo

Streak is going strong, did my lessons on both days.

[WhiteGhost]

On 9/22/2023 at 7:10 PM, DarK_RaideR said:

Any chance of the internet in China just Chinaing?

So I have been looking onto this and apparently it is Duolingo Chinaing.  I am registered as a China user so we have a different version of the app than the international version.  I tried to uninstall and change for the international version (which needs a VPN here) but my account is linked to China so even downloading the international version it automatically reverts to the Chinese version when I log in.  I can only guess that they don't want people inputting "inappropriate things" into the app in place of the "appropriate" answers  

[DarK_RaideR]

Challenge Day 21-24: Sunday, September 30 to Wednesday, October 4

 

The pressing, short term goal: Stay afloat

I've kept expenses to a minimum, mainly did a bit of spending on one night that I went out to have a beer (or  three) with my best bud. October is here though and so are the new monthly expenses, which I'll have to handle.

 

The substantial, long term goal: Adjust living and employment

I've been driving my mom around, so it's a good thing I put this one on hold until the end of the first election week. It feels weird and kinda hilarious to hear her talk about how people recognize her when my name is mentioned, or how she's getting good reactions from the people she meets, all part of a piece I call "look at all this social capital in your hometown". Then there have been a couple of mentions in regards to owned property. I try to keep a straight face and not divulge any information for now.

 

The materialistic goal: Spruce up the house
Again, I've been away from the house so no updates here.

 

The oddball goal: Duolingo

Keeping up with both German and Spanish, the streak is strong and I haven't used any of those freeze powerups even. DuoLingo gave me a few sample days of the paid version which includes unlimited hearts, so I've been taking advantage of that to do a bunch of lessons.

[DarK_RaideR]

Challenge Day 25: Thursday, October 5

 

The pressing, short term goal: Stay afloat

Went out with some friends in the evening, so I did spend some money on food and drinks.

 

The substantial, long term goal: Adjust living and employment

It just ocurred to me that this challenge ends right as the second election week does. The busy bit ends this Sunday though, I'll have more time for this next week and as a whole, this is no excuse to get lazy on the Masterplan, although I sure won't be able to do the 8 hour/day thing. Keeping my head down and eyes on the prize though; the last girl in the group chat I used to have with former coworkers has finally made the decision to also quit. She told us of an incident earlier in the day that pushed her over the edge and I was chatting about it with my mom, mostly to give her an idea of what the atmosphere at the office was and why I quit without even having found another job. Not only was she oddly receptive to that, she kept saying that to her understanding, most law firms are disorganized and toxic like that. I tried to argue there's no perfect job, but at least you can find one where the negatives don't make you wanna kill yourself. Once we did seem to reach a certain point of agreement on that, she'd still bring up the pay though: "Even so, why would you go through with that for just X amount of money". Which again, was weird to hear from her. Wasn't sure if she was trying to lead the discussion somewhere, but I did take the opportunity to say that I have thought of some things, made some plans but now is not the time to open that particular can of worms, so we both agreed to get the election and home repair bits over with, give them a break with their trip to Jordan and catch up on my plans after that. It's good to give them a hint that something's going on so they won't be completely surprised, but not quite sharing what it involves yet. And although I'm not sure they'll go along with what I have in mind (although they might just surprise me) I can at least set the stage, ease them into it and try to smoothen the rougher edges first.

 

The materialistic goal: Spruce up the house
Again, I've been away from the house so no updates here.

 

The oddball goal: Duolingo

Making progress on both languages here. I've also been able to randomly say a few things in Spanish when joking with my dad, who's taken Spanish lessons in the past, so it's starting to be somewhat easier to use.

 

Been a while since we had some music in here, huh?

 

[DarK_RaideR]

Challenge Days 25-29: Friday, October 6 - Sunday, October 8

 

The pressing, short term goal: Stay afloat

I've still been spending a bit when I do go outside with friends, but haven't gone overboard. Running out of cash though and October has arrived, so I gotta have a talk with my dad about the most non-elastic of expenses.

 

The substantial, long term goal: Adjust living and employment

With (current) work and house issues relatively sorted for now, I've been thinking if I can get the cats sorted long-term, I could very well book flight tickets and use my 6 month visa to do the job search and visa bits from over there. I certainly wanna make the jump as soon as possible and it might give me better odds on the job hunt, but if we're being honest, it could also help cut down on expenses, especially if I end the lawyer bit (so no monthly insurance debt) and manage to have an income from renting out my flat. Food for thought at this point, I've mostly been busy running around for my mom's candidacy and even when I'm not, I have precious little time of my own, little privacy and when the stars do indeed align, I usually can't be arsed to get on the laptop, let alone check job ads. This is also why my NF updates have been so sporadic.

 

The materialistic goal: Spruce up the house
Again, I've been away from the house so no updates here.

 

The oddball goal: Duolingo

Keeping the streak alive without using any freeze power ups. Spanish has started to feel a bit too much, so I might as well cut down on the lessons and do practice sessions for a bit until I feel confident to learn more. German has moved into an entire chapter about Oktoberfest (which I've never bothered with) and it's so touristy it hurts.

 

In other news, the regenerated Static X have a new song out and I'm digging the 90s MTV vibes of the video.

[DarK_RaideR]

Challenge Day 29: Monday, October 9

 

The pressing, short term goal: Stay afloat

Not sure if I've mentioned, but I've been going to the gym these days that I've been here. Anyway, I was dropped off at the town house after the workout, giving me the day to get stuff done on me laptop. I did order a post workout coffee and breakfast, then some lunch later in the day.

 

The substantial, long term goal: Adjust living and employment

I should point out, the previous update about almost being ready to make the jump was more me (wishful) thinking out loud rather than an actual, realistic scenario. Still, I'm looking into this and making arrangements. Got some developments from this (Tuesday) morning, but I'm saving it for an aggregate update tomorrow.

 

The materialistic goal: Spruce up the house
Again, I've been away from the house so no updates here.

 

The oddball goal: Duolingo

Keeping the streak alive. Still struggling a bit with Spanish. Slow and steady wins the race though.

[DarK_RaideR]

Been busy these last few days with little to no cases of the free time on the laptop, privacy and clear mind I'd need to provide updates. With that said, the challenge is already over so let's incorporate those into the final tally.

 

CHALLENGE RECAP

 

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The pressing, short term goal: Stay afloat
I quit just a few days after I got paid, which provides a nice, albeit -let’s be honest- totally imaginary and more temporary than I'd like to think, monetary pillow. Got all my bills and obligations mapped out, those with a deadline (or accruing interest past a certain deadline) will be prioritised and the rest will have to wait, gotta play it smart here to not burn up my resources so I can stay afloat as long as possible. Survival is one thing, but put this in the greater framework of my plans and serious expenses could be involved. On the bright side, the family took my employment decision well, wished me the best and even offered to step in and provide funds if necessary (you might be aware of our history, so that’s big news). Either way, I’ll be closely tracking finances on the daily and to make this a proper SMART goal, I’m aiming to at least not be in the negative by the end of the challenge.

I haven't been extremely diligent with accurately tracking finances, but I've survived and am indeed not in the negative by the end of the challenge. For starters, I used my last paycheck to pay off all bills, ensuring that those were taken care of and the number that showed on my bank account was actualy money I could use; were it a total of that and what I should save to pay those bills somewhere down the line it would have been very easy to lose control. With that taken care of, I booked me the tickets to go visit @deftona for almost two weeks and had a great time. It wasn't a savings-oriented decision, but as far as this specific challenge goal is concerned, def was kind enough to more or less cover all living expenses during that time, so what I paid for the tickets was more or less what I would have spent if I stayed here and had to do groceries etc; same levels finance wise, but a much better time was had so I'd say I ended up getting more bang for my buck. After that, I had a few days to myself and then my dad visited, meaning he covered most of the expenses during those days. We then flew together to my hometown, where I was these last two weeks of the challenge. Again, living expenses were covered and I only spent whenever I was out with friends, which again wasn't that much because it's a small place and people buy each other drinks all the time, plus we got friends who work in bars and can give us the occasional discount. As a closing note, I did have a couple of chats with my father in regards to my plans (more on that in a bit) and we've worked out some steps going forward, which include support towards covering my (mainly insurance related) expenses and rearranging the property income (and legal status) to boost mine in order to materialize my other plans. Then of course, he did give me a bit of cash for grocery expenses coming back to the house after so long and until the other stuff can go down, so I actually returned home today with more than absolute zero in my pocket. All things considered, I'd say this goal was absolutely successful.

 

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The substantial, long term goal: Adjust living and employment
I honestly, seriously want to explore the options in regards to living and working in other countries, possibly on other subjects too; law is pretty nation-specific so it’s not exactly transferable outside the borders plus quite frankly, at this point I’m seriously doubting if I want to continue pursuing this line of work. There’s some practical stuff to look up, then there’s a bit of soul searching to be done. Not easy to set a goal in this context, but I’ll say “spend a working person’s 8 hours a day on this project”. I used to work a nominal 10 hour schedule that would regularly get extended with no overtime pay, so this is lightweight stuff in comparison but it should at least keep me focused on the objective, give me a reason to get up (early-ish) in the morning and prevent me from just dragging my corpse around the house doing essentially nothing like it’s 2020 lockdown (oh, the memories). Adding two more parameters to this bit, first, for flexibility because life happens, since I’m sort of simulating a 9-5/day 40 hour work week, I’m allowing myself two days off a week because I can also do my project work on weekends. Second, before signing off of this “work” every day, I am to show up here and post an update. Not a “yeah I did bother doing this” one liner but rather a detailed report of everything. Should hold me accountable, make sure I’m actually getting things done instead of just mindlessly browsing to tick the box and as a happy side effect, should ensure I’m more present and engaged on the NF forums.

The whole "8 hours a day" thing began well, but then all the travelling messed that up. However, I have made good progress towards the actual goal here which, let's be honest, isn't just "working in other countries" but specifically the UK. I've sorted out my personal legal cases and explored how to wrap them up, in preparation of departure. I've looked up the procedures in regards to dropping my lawyer status, tax and insurance registration. I've made a list of things I'd have to bring over and fortunately, it'd only be a suitcase or two so I wouldn't have to bother with transport companies. I looked up visa requirements. I talked to people who work in various sectors there -legal or otherwise- in order to get a better idea of options, procedures and potential. I let a recruiter who's contacted me in the past know about my plans in case he has any openings. Already know the parts about having the cats over with me. The biggest thing though was hashing it out with my father. He inevitably wanted to know what I plan to do after I quit that law firm and I did get him up to speed, however at the time I still hadn't looked up any job openings and couldn't quite formulate a realistic, reasonable pitch to counter his 'obvious' one. Meaning an unclear plan to just drop everything and migrate to a country with immigration restrictions (as opposed to EU free movement) chasing something nebulous and unrelated to my life path thus far didn't sound that solid when opposed to, essentially, just sticking around where I have all the benefits and just giving it a go, but "this time, for real". Give him credit for understanding my disappointment with the situation here, but that's what he got from me, disappointment and an urge to give up and chase some pipe dream. Sure he said he'll respect my decision and live with it, after all it's mine, but can't say he was sold on the idea either and although it'll ultimately come down to me, it would have been much easier if I could alleviate their worries and get them on board. I say "them" as a euphimism, he smartly and consciously kept my mom out of this so far to avoid her complicating things with her emotional outbursts and drawn out analyses, but sooner or later she'll be told what's up as well. Either way (since I also mentioned my suspicions of mild ADHD) he sees a pattern in me trying things professionally and giving up pretty early on, which I say you could argue whether it's not putting in the effort and toughing it out or giving up early on what's clearly a dead end toxic path, he's a little worried that I'm in a bad headspace to make decisions right now and whatever I choose to do, might end up abandoning within a year or two, bringing me back to square one. This really struck a nerve in me, because I do want this abroad thing to work, so I was willing to discuss his idea: in short, take a break, use his support (and the rents from the properties) to cover my expenses for that while, resume therapy and solve whatever thing's at the core of it all; that'll answer what I really wanna do and keep me on track, life-wise first and then the professional and other stuff will follow. That's all nice and dandy, until we come down to execution. See, in his mind, I should stop miring alone in Athens (fair point) and take the cats with me to live for a while in my hometown, alone in the summerhouse while he and my mom live in the townhouse, focus on gym and nutrition to build up my self confidence as a self care thing etc etc. Innocent enough, until you realize there's a good chance he just wants me to experience how wonderful (in his eyes) life down there can be. I'm good with the main idea, but have some differences in regards to execution. And just as I was discussing between typing this update, he's kinda making it sound like I have a choice when in reality he's made it for me, yet if he does want me to really figure out what I wanna do without any outside influences, he can't be doing that and must let me do this the way I want to. It's an ongoing situation, so more on that when I put up my next challenge. For now, I'd say I took a different path than the originally planned for this goal, but it still brought me to success in the end.

 

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The materialistic goal: Spruce up the house
Short term this is me doing maintenance and having a decent place to live, but also in the long run (see previous goal) if I do end up moving out, I’d like the flat to already be in a good state so I won’t have to also manage renovations at that point before I can rent it out (or even sell it, who knows). I’ve talked a few times in the past about how the place has been falling apart, ever since, I’ve managed to replace my ‘04 bed that had become a Frankenstein’s monster of boards and screws with a new one. I also gave my ‘04 sofa to the next door neighbours, replacing it with a new one that apparently wasn’t a good fit for my parents’ home. Fortunately, they switched all the fabrics to some new pet friendly stuff before shipping it over and it’s great, cat’s won’t scratch it and hair is so easy to remove. Furthermore. I’ve managed to gradually declutter most of the place (wardrobe included), greatly reducing the visual noise, the stuff I hadn’t been using and freeing up storage space. Next step is to give the walls a new coat of paint and apparently my dad’s hyped to come over and help with that. Should save us expenses, plus there’s that quality father-son bonding experience. So the main point here is to arrange and pull this off, but I’m also keeping the space under this goal to make reports about any other home-related updates.

This one's interesting. I did have my dad visit mid-challenge and inspect what needs to be done in regards to the paintjob. I did also contact The Barman who's down to rent my flat upon me leaving it. Then I told my plan to my father and he realized we need to do painting and minor repairs, but don't have to bother with furniture etc. He's ok with the idea of renting it out and me getting an income boost (did I mention he's glad I requested a share of the property income and he was actually waiting for me to do that?). Pretty sure though he's ok with the idea because he thinks I'll drop this place to go live back into my hometown, hoping I'll give up on the whole abroad project. It'll be a challenge to handle this whole thing, but small steps. Did arrange but not pull this off, so partial success.

 

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The oddball goal: Duolingo
I’ve been meaning to check out Duolingo for a while to brush up my German. Actually got it on my phone though during the road trip around Serbia. Sadly, it’s got no Serbian courses, but since I’d downloaded it already, I pulled the trigger on those German courses. Been on a streak for a couple of weeks now and just last week, I added Spanish too; I’ve picked up lots of it through the years, might as well nail down the basics. It’s the same with Italian, depending on my brain capacity I might add that one too. Obviously, the point here is to keep up the streak and do my daily lessons. Plus languages are fun, but it also opens up my options for moving out and adds to my employment odds, so it fits nicely into the masterplan.

Been keeping up with this on a regular basis, to the point even that my father noticed and on some occasions we'd exchange phrases in Spanish, which  moved him enough to hand me over his introductory classbook from when he started his Spanish lessons. But yeah, I've been on point with both languages and kept the streak alive, so this one was a success.

 

 

All in all it was an interesting challenge, many things went another way for most of its duration and I hadn't planned to account for any of this, but it all worked out fine in the end. I'm satisfied with my progress and it's giving me lots to think of in preparation for the next challenge.

[Shello]

Big life changes don't (and probably) shouldn't happen overnight so I'd say you made a lot of progress this challenge even if it wasn't always how  you planned on accomplishing it.  

[DarK_RaideR]

New challenge up