[Mistr]

 

I am going to continue with the theme of blending with the challenges that come at me. I was trying to think of a better idea for this challenge and any inspiration I had is gone.

 

While blending is the essential first part of musubi, what follows next is shaping the situation to one's benefit. Deal with things in the moment and set it up to get better.

 

My goals are around steps to set myself up for success

 

1.  Sleep time. During the last challenge I mostly shifted my sleep time to 9:30pm to 5:30am. This time works better for a lot of things, provided I get to bed before 9:30pm. My goal is to do prep earlier in the evening so I can get to bed on time. No screen time after 8pm. Knitting is great for relaxing before bed.

 

2. Exercise. I have been going for 30 minute walks several days a week. I will keep doing walks some days. Possibly do strength or core training some days. I have options. I am doing aikido two or three days a week. That is great, but does not actually count as exercise. I am at that critical age where strength training becomes more important. You've seen the graph where strength declines with age - that's where I am. It's scary.

 

3. Be gentle with myself. I was pushing myself as hard as I could for too long. My mind and spirit are still recovering from that. I am giving myself permission to take breaks and do fun things. Sitting zen is good for my brain, but so is carding wool. More musubi.

 

 

[XBlackWidowX]

Hey! Great to see your new challenge! 

 

It's always hard not too push to hard, right? I always have a problem with that. 

 

I wish you'll do great in this challenge! I think you don't have to worry about the strength decline if you stay active. 

[Harriet]

I looked up musubi and found this

 

Spoiler

 

It's.... some kind of spam sushi. But in any case, I wish you all the sleep and gentleness.

[Sovalis]

I think these are great goals. Here to cheer!

[Scaly Freak]

On 9/10/2023 at 3:50 PM, Mistr said:

I am at that critical age where strength training becomes more important. You've seen the graph where strength declines with age - that's where I am. It's scary.

 

I would argue you are not there yet. You know what you need to do, and you have the knowledge and resources to do it. From that perspective you're in a good spot.

[Mistr]

The last couple days have been hanging in there rather than me being on top of things.

 

In positive news, we had the carpets cleaned in the newly remodeled bedroom and the family room. They also took our living room oriental carpet away for cleaning. The bedroom carpet was part of the project plan all along. The other carpets moved up on the list after the cat incidents in August.

 

Honey, the stray cat we tried to adopt, is now at a forever home with one of Dumbledore's gaming friends. However, our cats were Very Concerned when she was sequestered in the mud room. This led to at least two peeing incidents in the living room. I don't think the carpet got stained, but I don't want to risk finding out later. Plus it needed cleaning anyway. The family room carpet had stains from various parties over the last 10 years.

 

Dumbledore locked the cats in the laundry room while the carpet cleaners were here. That was probably for the best, but it freaked the cats out again. Plus having all the family room furniture out on the porch is a sign of Imminent Doom. Dorian's normal sleeping spot under the family room couch was exposed and the thick layer of grey fur is gone. He was crying this morning at 5am. I hope he will settle down once we move the furniture back. The carpet was still too wet yesterday evening.

 

In family news, my non-binary trans daughter Elf and her girlfriend Cleo have been going through a tough time. I think they are finally broken up for real. Elf has been taking steps to get their life straightened out. I am more hopeful than I have been in a long time, but I know it is a fragile situation.

 

My work continues to be too busy. In 2022 we hired and trained 4 new people and lost 4 people. This year we have already trained two new people and have two more who just started. Another person just gave notice. That leaves us with two open positions. I am looking forward to being just two people short by the end of the year. I'm not holding my breath. Too many things could happen to set the team back further over the next three months.

 

Sleep comes first, then exercise, aikido and zen. Then maybe cooking. 

[XBlackWidowX]

When it rains, it pours! I am sorry to hear it's been so tough. But it can't be like this forever, after the bad phase, there is always a good one (I keep on telling it myself too huh because you know). I hope you find time to chill out a little bit in this difficult time and take care of yourself! 

 

So we should address Elf "she, " not "they" anymore? I hope the relationship situations clears up for good, ending things can be very hurtful. Wish the best for her! 

 

I am happy for the cat who found a new home! 🏠

[Kishi]

Good gravy! You are in the thick of it right now. Maybe some spam musubi is in order here?

 

But, yeah. Really sorry to hear that things are rough now. I hope you can find good moments to carry you through and that these challenges pass sooner rather than later.

[Harriet]

18 hours ago, Kishi said:

Maybe some spam musubi is in order here?

 

There's a certain zen to spam. You could even use it as a chant: "Spam spam spam spam spam spam spam spammity spam! Spammity spam!" 

[sarakingdom]

1 hour ago, Harriet said:

There's a certain zen to spam. You could even use it as a chant: "Spam spam spam spam spam spam spam spammity spam! Spammity spam!" 

 

 

[Harriet]

2 hours ago, sarakingdom said:

 

 

 

That's the ticket. Though I was thinking of the sketch where the couple are trying to order breakfast, and the spam singers keep breaking through the waiter's recital of the menu. 

[sarakingdom]

22 minutes ago, Harriet said:

That's the ticket. Though I was thinking of the sketch where the couple are trying to order breakfast, and the spam singers keep breaking through the waiter's recital of the menu. 

 

That is the spam Viking song!

[Harriet]

27 minutes ago, sarakingdom said:

 

That is the spam Viking song!

 

I know it is the right song, but Vikings?...

 

...I have just looked up the sketch on YouTube and there are indeed vikings. I knew the skit only from the old fashioned record that my uncle had. The recording was not *quite* identical to the youtube video (I think?), but it's the same sketch. I had no idea the singers were vikings. You can't tell a singer is a viking if you can only hear him 😁

[sarakingdom]

14 minutes ago, Harriet said:

I know it is the right song, but Vikings?...

 

...I have just looked up the sketch on YouTube and there are indeed vikings. I knew the skit only from the old fashioned record that my uncle had. The recording was not *quite* identical to the youtube video (I think?), but it's the same sketch. I had no idea the singers were vikings. You can't tell a singer is a viking if you can only hear him 😁

 

I'm pleased to have shared this theologically important fact with you today. Because the fact that it's Vikings breaking into song in a small British cafe is what makes the spam chant so important in Zen.

[Harriet]

2 minutes ago, sarakingdom said:

 

I'm pleased to have shared this theologically important fact with you today. Because the fact that it's Vikings breaking into song in a small British cafe is what makes the spam chant so important in Zen.

 

Please, tell me more about the relationship between vikings and zen. Is it through ferocity and bloodlust that we come to zen? On... on the other side, somehow? Do we have to go through the brutality and ruthlessness rather than around it? I also wish to better understand the link between small British cafes and zen, if that is possible. Thank you in advance. 

[sarakingdom]

7 minutes ago, Harriet said:

Please, tell me more about the relationship between vikings and zen. Is it through ferocity and bloodlust that we come to zen? On... on the other side, somehow? Do we have to go through the brutality and ruthlessness rather than around it? I also wish to better understand the link between small British cafes and zen, if that is possible. Thank you in advance. 

 

There is no link between Vikings and Zen. There is no link between small British cafes and Zen. It is because it is Vikings breaking into song in a small British cafe that it is Zen. I hope that clarifies things. If not, meditate on this koan until clarity arrives.

[Mistr]

Sleep was a little better. At least I got to bed early for a change.

 

Yesterday I did rowing and aikido. Today I walked for 30 minutes before work. All good.

 

On 9/13/2023 at 9:27 AM, XBlackWidowX said:

So we should address Elf "she, " not "they" anymore? I hope the relationship situations clears up for good, ending things can be very hurtful. Wish the best for her! 

 

No, Elf is still using they/them pronouns. There is not a good word for adult offspring that is not gendered. "Kid" sounds like a child. I talked it over with Elf and they are fine with me introducing them as my daughter when talking with people we do not know well.

 

This week has been much calmer than last week. Elf has been coming out of their room and talking with me and Dumbledore (separately). They have been going out to meet-ups and making an effort to meet people. Night and day compared to the last two years. They told me some things about their relationship with Cleo that were unsettling. I think it was a very good thing they broke up. Any chance of Cleo coming back to live here while getting on her feet financially is now past. I hope she makes better choices and gets her life together far away from us. 

[XBlackWidowX]

Wow that's great Elf has been making progress with Dumbledore! You must be so relieved. 

 

I am also glad the relationship drama is over. What do you think, maybe it's a better idea that Elf lives with their new future partner when they have their own place? I think it'd be much more comfortable for you and you won't be so directly involved in it. 

[Scaly Freak]

22 hours ago, Mistr said:

No, Elf is still using they/them pronouns. There is not a good word for adult offspring that is not gendered. "Kid" sounds like a child. I talked it over with Elf and they are fine with me introducing them as my daughter when talking with people we do not know well.

 

My parents use a couple of Swedish words that mean "our adult children" that sound much better in the original language. ("våra vuxna barn") To be honest, I find English very clumsy when it comes to words for family relationships, largely because it uses the same words for grandparents, uncles, and aunts regardless of which side of the family they are from, and that will probably never stop confusing me.  

 

As for the rest of your post... I'm glad Elf is doing better, and that the drama is over.  Based on what little you shared about Cleo,
 

Spoiler

I wish I could say I was surprised  I've had the misfortune in the past of being around individuals with toxic home lives and abusive relationships in their past, and I have yet to see relationships or friendships with a person with that kind of background end up in a healthy place for the people involved. This is not intended to be an accusation of Cleo, or of anyone else (other than any abusive people involved. Fuck the abusers.). But it's worth noting that children learn about relationships and how to be in one, from the relationships they see around them in early childhood and on. The longer it goes, the harder it is to unlearn normalization of toxic  and abusive behaviors, and to recognize that they need to do a lot of work on themselves to learn about relationships and healthy human interactions. This can be even harder to see for a person who is convinced that since they were the ones who was being abused, and therefor not the one at fault, they have nothing they need to unlearn or relearn.

 

Again, no accusation is intended of anyone involved here. But a person who has never in their entire life been in an healthy relationship, is a person it is very difficult and potentially emotionally unsafe to have a relationship with. From that perspective, I am glad Elf is safe now, and that you and Dumbledore are there every day to show them, through the way you support each other and the way you argue with each other, what a healthy partnership is like.

 

[Mistr]

Checking in to report that I am doing okay. Still too close to the edge of my capacity for comfort, but staying on the right side of that line.

 

This morning I took advantage of a break in my walking schedule to get enough sleep. There was commotion in the middle of the night when Amber did something naughty and Dumbledore was chasing her, then cleaning up the mess. Not restful. Everyone is fine now.

 

Yesterday I sat zen for the first time in a week. It went surprisingly well. Today I won't have time for exercise or zen. Unless gaming is cancelled.

 

I am noticing a pattern where I keep hoping that other people will have reasons not to show up and the DM will cancel our Tuesday night game. I enjoy the people and the social time. It just sets me up for not having any personal down time for three days in a row. I did not realize that would be a problem when I said I had Tuesday nights free. Right now I would far rather play my computer game than a tabletop game with friends. Some weeks I am glad to game with people. It just happened that I did not get enough down time this past weekend. As things look now, I probably will not have any free time before Friday.

 

I met with my therapist today and she gave me an assignment which I am sharing with you for accountability. I have been complaining about my family not doing their share of the cooking. Both Dumbledore and Elf talk about doing cooking, but it has not happened. So I am going to do batch cooking for myself. I am going to pack up the food in lunch containers and freeze it. That will give me grab-and-go lunches to take to work. I will need to make a couple different types of food this weekend so that I do not end up eating the same thing every day, which gets tedious.

 

I hope that by cooking for myself, I will feel more in control. It will certainly make it easier for me to get out of the house on days I drive to work. The other people in the house can take their own time to figure out when and what they want to cook.

 

On 9/15/2023 at 1:30 AM, XBlackWidowX said:

Wow that's great Elf has been making progress with Dumbledore! You must be so relieved. 

 

Yes, we have been commenting on how nice it is to have our kid back.

 

On 9/15/2023 at 1:30 AM, XBlackWidowX said:

I am also glad the relationship drama is over. What do you think, maybe it's a better idea that Elf lives with their new future partner when they have their own place? I think it'd be much more comfortable for you and you won't be so directly involved in it. 

 

I hope Elf will get to the point where they can move into their own place over the next year. Times were much better when I was that age. I would have hated living with my parents as an adult. I stayed with them for six months after I graduated from the university, while I was saving up money at my first job. I got along well with my family, and it was still a challenge.

 

I think Elf would learn a lot by living with other people their age who come from different backgrounds. They just need to have some more skills and resources first.

 

On 9/15/2023 at 6:54 PM, Scaly Freak said:

My parents use a couple of Swedish words that mean "our adult children" that sound much better in the original language. ("våra vuxna barn") To be honest, I find English very clumsy when it comes to words for family relationships, largely because it uses the same words for grandparents, uncles, and aunts regardless of which side of the family they are from, and that will probably never stop confusing me.  

 

Yes, I hear you. I wish there was a way to distinguish the woman who is married to my brother and the woman who is married to Dumbledore's brother.

 

On 9/15/2023 at 6:54 PM, Scaly Freak said:

As for the rest of your post... I'm glad Elf is doing better, and that the drama is over.  Based on what little you shared about Cleo,
 

  Reveal hidden contents

I wish I could say I was surprised  I've had the misfortune in the past of being around individuals with toxic home lives and abusive relationships in their past, and I have yet to see relationships or friendships with a person with that kind of background end up in a healthy place for the people involved. This is not intended to be an accusation of Cleo, or of anyone else (other than any abusive people involved. Fuck the abusers.). But it's worth noting that children learn about relationships and how to be in one, from the relationships they see around them in early childhood and on. The longer it goes, the harder it is to unlearn normalization of toxic  and abusive behaviors, and to recognize that they need to do a lot of work on themselves to learn about relationships and healthy human interactions. This can be even harder to see for a person who is convinced that since they were the ones who was being abused, and therefor not the one at fault, they have nothing they need to unlearn or relearn.

 

Again, no accusation is intended of anyone involved here. But a person who has never in their entire life been in an healthy relationship, is a person it is very difficult and potentially emotionally unsafe to have a relationship with. From that perspective, I am glad Elf is safe now, and that you and Dumbledore are there every day to show them, through the way you support each other and the way you argue with each other, what a healthy partnership is like.

Spoiler

Yes, I think you are entirely right about that. Cleo said that she had never lived in a place where people got along well before in her life. She was in therapy, but she did not have the tools she needed yet.

 

One of the really odd things is that she does not want any of her stuff. Not her clothes, not her laptop, nothing. She would prefer to make a fresh start from zero.

 

That tells me that she is more comfortable starting with nothing than building on relationships and resources she already has. I wish her well, but I do not have high hopes for her future.

 

[Scaly Freak]

2 hours ago, Mistr said:

I met with my therapist today and she gave me an assignment which I am sharing with you for accountability. I have been complaining about my family not doing their share of the cooking. Both Dumbledore and Elf talk about doing cooking, but it has not happened. So I am going to do batch cooking for myself. I am going to pack up the food in lunch containers and freeze it. That will give me grab-and-go lunches to take to work. I will need to make a couple different types of food this weekend so that I do not end up eating the same thing every day, which gets tedious.

 

Depending on how much variety you need, you might be able to solve this by preparing your main food and then either prepare two different sides that can be varied by using various condiments, or by having multiple non-cook easy sides on hand that you can pick and chose from. 

 

I'm looking forward to hearing all about how you take control over your meals and lower the stress around cooking, while biting your tongue not to comment on the side-effects of leaving the rest of the household to figure out cooking on their own. Best of luck to you.  

 

2 hours ago, Mistr said:

I think Elf would learn a lot by living with other people their age who come from different backgrounds. They just need to have some more skills and resources first.

 

One of the many benefits of college that shouldn't be limited just to college -- living on your own, with others who are new to living on their own, and you all have to work out how to live together with people who have no family obligation to put up with your bullshit. (See my previous comment about college roommate and how I suddenly learned how to wash my dishes more regularly...)

 

 

[Sovalis]

I think cooking for yourself is a great idea. I batch cook my lunches and Dave grazes, I assume. I always eat at work and he gets to come home, but what he eats is a mystery. 😅

[Mistr]

Today I am tired and my throat hurts. I have the comfort of knowing exactly why I feel this way and that I am not sick.

 

I gave in to temptation when I woke up in the middle of the night and looked at Insta instead of going back to sleep right away. Strategic fail but it made my brain happy on the moment.

 

My throat is sore because I missed a block in jo kata training today. My weapons partner taught me a new-to-me kata that he needs to do on his next test. It was fun to learn something new. After several repetitions we started to smooth it out and correct basic things like posture and aim. His aim was perfect when I flubbed my block. I now understand the purpose of a jo strike to the throat much better than I did. 🥷 

#monkproblems

[Harriet]

 

On 9/20/2023 at 12:00 AM, Mistr said:

I am noticing a pattern where I keep hoping that other people will have reasons not to show up and the DM will cancel our Tuesday night game. I enjoy the people and the social time. It just sets me up for not having any personal down time for three days in a row. I did not realize that would be a problem when I said I had Tuesday nights free. Right now I would far rather play my computer game than a tabletop game with friends. Some weeks I am glad to game with people. It just happened that I did not get enough down time this past weekend. As things look now, I probably will not have any free time before Friday.

 

I don't suppose you can cancel Monday or Wednesday

 

On 9/20/2023 at 12:00 AM, Mistr said:

I met with my therapist today and she gave me an assignment which I am sharing with you for accountability. I have been complaining about my family not doing their share of the cooking. Both Dumbledore and Elf talk about doing cooking, but it has not happened. So I am going to do batch cooking for myself. I am going to pack up the food in lunch containers and freeze it. That will give me grab-and-go lunches to take to work. I will need to make a couple different types of food this weekend so that I do not end up eating the same thing every day, which gets tedious.

 

I hope that by cooking for myself, I will feel more in control. It will certainly make it easier for me to get out of the house on days I drive to work. The other people in the house can take their own time to figure out when and what they want to cook.

 

This sounds like a good idea. I wonder if natural consequences might work better than talk when it comes to Elf learning how to pull weight around the house. Nothing to eat is a great motivation to learn the habit of cooking. 

 

 

On 9/20/2023 at 2:46 AM, Scaly Freak said:

One of the many benefits of college that shouldn't be limited just to college -- living on your own, with others who are new to living on their own, and you all have to work out how to live together with people who have no family obligation to put up with your bullshit. (See my previous comment about college roommate and how I suddenly learned how to wash my dishes more regularly...)

 

 

Relationships where you actually have to make yourself tolerable are very instructive, I'm sure. 

 

6 hours ago, Mistr said:

His aim was perfect when I flubbed my block. I now understand the purpose of a jo strike to the throat much better than I did. 🥷 

#monkproblems

 

Ouch. Hope you feel better soon. 

[XBlackWidowX]

Wish you to get better soon! Take some rest. 

 

I hope Elf is gonna make it! I know it's scary, but the first step is always the most difficult one.

Myself, I can't wait to meet new people from different backgrounds when I go abroad, it was always the most interesting experience for me before, it spices life up.