[Severine]

A couple of days late due to travel, but I am happy to pounce upon a new challenge. What to expect:

• Ambitious goals that I will profit from pursuing even if I don't succeed 100%
• Charts and graphs
• Random photos
• Enthusiasm and optimism but also probably some snark
• Musings on assorted tangents

Also, fair warning to the visually minded among you: I have changed my user icon to a custom avatar I had designed by an artist I love. Sorry for any discombobulation. And now the question that matters: what am I up to this time? Three things!

 

1. NOT EATING CHOCOLATE

You know those people in multi-decade toxic codependent relationships with shitty partners who are nothing but bad news for them, but inexplicably they keep getting sucked back in? That is the story of Severine and chocolate. Chocolate is kind of an asshole who has never had anything but a negative experience on my life, health, self-esteem, etc. and offers me so very little in return (most of the time I barely enjoy it; it's more compulsion/addiction than anything). Yet, it's been so hard for me to stay broken up with chocolate. It took me a long, long, long time to realize that moderation simply does not work for me with chocolate. On the bright side, I have given up chocolate completely twice in my life (once for more than six months!). Both times, it was an unequivocal and drastic improvement, positive in every single way. Yet, due I think to inadequate awareness of the challenges of maintaining that policy, and attendant lack of planning on my part, I stumbled back into chocolate's sinister embrace both times.

 

So, let's repeat what worked so well and iterate on it to solve the problems that arose last time. I will be tracking this, reflecting on it, and working to make a durable long-term plan with necessary contingencies.

 

2. IMPROVING MY HANDWRITING

I don't think it's any secret that I love notebooks, journalling by hand, doodling, etc. As such, I probably pay more attention to my handwriting than is standard. It has been bothering me for quite a while that my handwriting seems to be getting sloppier. The reason isn't mysterious: I don't write by hand anywhere near as much as I used to, and my muscle memory isn't what it was. Plus, I am often in a rush when writing these days (sometimes for legit reasons like needing to note things down during a video call, but often just because I am impatient), which just makes things worse. And then not loving my handwriting means I write less...which means worse handwriting. Vicious cycle.

 

I'll post a separate post with a 'before' sample.

 

Good handwriting is often incorrectly associated with being smart or organized, but it's a physical skill, and it responds to physical training, not thoughts or intentions or strategies. Just as I would need to do strength training if I wanted to get better at lifting things, I need to do handwriting drills/practice to improve my handwriting. My goal is to do this for a short period of time every day, probably about 10 minutes. I will periodically post the progress. I am confident that I will see a concrete improvement over the duration of the challenge.

 

This is important for me because I really enjoy writing by hand - I do it for stress relief and creativity and fun and the neurological benefits (esp. with regard to learning), and I want to feel completely positive about it, not have this lingering dissatisfaction with my physical handwriting skill decreasing my enjoyment.

3. USING MY EXPENSIVE ELLIPTICAL BECAUSE COME ON SEVERINE

I have probably mentioned that I find it difficult to spend money on anything that isn't strictly necessary. We bought the elliptical recently for very good reasons, but the consciousness of its cost is still kind of needling at me, and I know from experience that the more I use it, the better I will feel about the purchase. So I'd like to try and get into the habit of using it every day, even if it's not for that long. 

 

As such, I'm setting myself a goal of at least 15 minutes on the elliptical every day unless I'm too sick for it to be advisable (hopefully this will not happen).

 

C'est parti!

[Kalitraz]

First! Here to follow along! Huzza for charts and graphs, ambitious goals, random photos, and tangent musings but most especially for Enthusiasm, Optimism, and Snark! Best of luck!

 

p.s. love the new avatar!

[Sovalis]

Here for this! And the new avatar is fabulous!

[Severine]

Thanks @Kalitraz and @Sovalis!

 

For those who are curious, the full version of the avatar art:

Spoiler

Veronica Guzzardi is awesome.

 

And here's my starting point for improving my handwriting:

Spoiler

 

I just copied out the first page of the book I'm reading because it meant I didn't have to spend brainpower thinking about what to write. I intentionally wrote the way I do in normal daily life when nobody else will see it but me - I can make it look better if it's for something other people will see, but 95% of the time I write, it's just for me, so this is what my writing looks like most of the time. As I type this, I'm realizing the emotional/psychological implications of thinking that hey, maybe something only I see is still worth improving. Food for thought.

 

As you can see, there are lots of issues. My e's look like c's most of the time, there are issues with spacing and consistency and legibility and...I could go on. It used to be much, much nicer, and I would very much like to get back to at least feeling neutral about it and hopefully even liking it a bit, rather than being actively displeased by it as I am now. Comments and critiques and tips are welcome; you won't hurt my feelings.

[TimovieMan]

 

I'm Belgian. Chocolate is inevitable.

I too can only stay out of it when we don't have any in the house. Which is pretty much "never". 😱

 

 

Isn't the handwriting thing just a natural result of being so accustomed to typing that you hardly ever really write by hand any more?

I know my handwriting has worsened simply because of "lack of exercise"...  😅

Yours is more legible, imo.

[Severine]

8 minutes ago, TimovieMan said:

I'm Belgian. Chocolate is inevitable.

I too can only stay out of it when we don't have any in the house. Which is pretty much "never". 😱

 

I didn't know you were Belgian! I've only been there once, but I absolutely adored it. My partner and I often have good-natured debates about whether Antwerp or Brussels is the better city (I will let you guess what side I'm on) and we've joked that if we had the good fortune to somehow acquire Belgian residency rights, we'd have to live in a small town midway between the two to satisfy us both. I'd like to go back within the next couple of years, if we can swing the time off. We adored the food there, and I have a soft spot for Belgian series and TV as well (I recently watched https://www.netflix.com/ca/title/81008221 and https://www.netflix.com/ca/title/81612616, for example).

 

My partner D is a lover of fine chocolate and yet he manages, by some arcane power, to walk over to the cupboard, break off one square, enjoy it, and then just...stop. He just goes back to work or watching a movie or whatever he was doing and doesn't feel the need to have more until the next day. And I can't even call it willpower because he's not even tempted. He just...only wants a reasonable amount. I have never stopped marvelling at it.

 

8 minutes ago, TimovieMan said:

Isn't the handwriting thing just a natural result of being so accustomed to typing that you hardly ever really write by hand any more?

I know my handwriting has worsened simply because of "lack of exercise"...  😅

Yours is more legible, imo.

 

This is a lot of it, yes. I wrote by hand for an average of several hours a day in high school and university, but then by the time I went to do my JD, I had managed to acquire a laptop and all of my academic/professional activities shifted to computers. I still write by hand more than most people I know, simply because I like it (and because learning foreign languages is one of my hobbies and writing by hand helps solidify memory), but still, I probably write in an entire week the amount I used to write in a day. And I have become sloppier simply because it's not for anything important like a school project or notes I'll need to show to a colleague, so I don't try as hard as I used to, frankly. That's what I'm trying to change.

[Everstorm]

Ooh, I like your handwriting goal.  I may steal it.  I love my new journal, but my handwriting has always been awful (my lowest grade in school) and it feels like I am defiling the journal to actually write in it 😆

[WhiteGhost]

I have spent a good part of my life dreaming of having better handwriting but have put in absolutely zero effort since 2nd grade, and barely any even then.  Watching here for inspo

[Kalitraz]

3 hours ago, Severine said:

My partner D is a lover of fine chocolate and yet he manages, by some arcane power, to walk over to the cupboard, break off one square, enjoy it, and then just...stop. He just goes back to work or watching a movie or whatever he was doing and doesn't feel the need to have more until the next day. And I can't even call it willpower because he's not even tempted. He just...only wants a reasonable amount. I have never stopped marvelling at it.

😆I had to read this to my wife as we are getting ready this morning. This could have been written by her. We've had this same interaction multiple times. Just last night in fact lol. I'll have a square of chocolate, she'll eat 3 bars if they're available. She also wishes you the best of luck on your challenge!

My handwriting has never been very good. My dad and grandpa are doctors who have stereotypicaly awful handwriting and my wife says she can't tell their handwriting apart from mine 😅. While not a deliberate goal, I am hoping I can focus on improving it a little with the journaling habit I'm trying to build. Aside from that and notes 1 day/week lecture that I just started attending again, I hardly ever handwrite anything anymore. Your before sample looks pretty good. Not excellent but still pretty legible. You won't have to refine it much to get it to a good place, but then of course the sky's the limit as to how far you want to polish it. Best of luck!

[RES]

I don't think I could do no chocolate...and my handwriting is horrible IMO, others do not agree...I'd much rather type.. Being an accountant has the advantages of not needing to write a whole lot  

Now the elliptical challenge is one I can get behind

[sarakingdom]

14 hours ago, TimovieMan said:

I'm Belgian. Chocolate is inevitable.

 

Honestly one of the greatest things I've read today. Almost as good as the soup bandits.

[Tanktimus the Encourager]

My handwriting has improved since going to work for on of the only companies in the US medical industry that still has paper charting. 

Also, I want chocolate now.

[Sovalis]

I love your writing, Severine. I can see the issues you're talking about and respect your desire to tighten things up, but I love your flow and the generosity in the loops on your G's, for example. Looking forward to seeing a sample you're really happy with. 

[Artemis Prime]

I like your goals!

 

I think you're starting from a very good point in your handwriting. I will say my printing is never 100% what I want it to be unless I'm writing fairly slowly. My cursive still gets sloppy when I'm in a rush, but for even paced writing, it's definitely neater than my print. When I am printing, though, I find that if I put a little tail on my t's, it helps me be neater. (I'm not sure if this would technically be called a terminal or a serif, but I mean the part where I put a little horizontal swoop at the bottom of the vertical instead of leaving it as a straight cross.) I think it's as much a mental cue that I am trying to write well as much any anything else, so you're free to steal that if you'd like, or perhaps experiment to find your own mental cue.

[Severine]

We begin with tables so that we may build toward charts and graphs: 

I'm not counting Sunday or Monday at all, since I posted my challenge on Tuesday. And for Tuesday I am giving myself a pass on the elliptical since I posted my challenge late in the day (but I'm still giving myself credit for the two things I did yesterday, hah!)

 

Here is the first of the promised random photos: a mathematically perfect dahlia we bought at the farmer's market from an adorable mother/daughter duo running a small startup flower farm. It's odd talking to the daughter, in particular, and feeling a bit like I'm talking to a younger version of myself (I was running a startup flower farm in 2016 when I first joined NF) but it's been cool because it's not often I get to talk to anyone about flower farming these days, and I enjoy the flowers we buy from them even more because I'm so happy to support their business.

Spoiler

 

Music-wise, I am on an L.E.J. kick at the moment. Here's one of my favourite songs from their 2018 album:

Spoiler

 

 

For handwriting practice today, I did two things. I practiced writing out letters by themselves, letting myself do what comes naturally (i.e. not hypercorrecting) but also not rushing too much. Most letters are legible but many are not consistent and the letter 'e' continues to confound me, looking half the time like a drunk 'c'. General things I would like to work on for letter forms: consistent sizing and shapes (consistent within reason, I'm not a robot), closing circles (for example, one of the 'g's in the middle looks like a 'y' because the circle wasn't closed), and consistent line placement (some letters sit on the line but some float above it).

Spoiler

 

Anyway, I then wrote out some pangrams I know to focus more on letter combinations and connections. Some things I actually like (my initial 'H' on the fourth line, most of the 'g's and 'y's, most of the 'f's), but there are a lot of things I want to improve. See how the 'w' at the end of 'vow' is so ill-defined it almost looks like a 'u'? And the 'a' in 'Pack' looks like a 'u' because the circle isn't closed? See the way some letters are tiny (the 'e' in 'dozen' is ridiculous) and some are bigger? And the inconsistent spacing and the way some letters float way above the line? None of this is a disaster in isolation, but added up it leads to a sense of sloppiness. I'm not aiming for some kind of idealized standard - I like some quirks in handwriting. My loopy 'g's and dagger 'f's can stay. I just want a more consistent and harmonious version of my writing. Anyway, practice today felt good, and I noticed that loosening my grip on the pen helped a bit.

Spoiler

 

For any stationery nerds out there, this was all written on Tomoe River paper (by way of Nanami) with a Uniball Signo 0.38.

[Severine]

18 hours ago, Everstorm said:

Ooh, I like your handwriting goal.  I may steal it.  I love my new journal, but my handwriting has always been awful (my lowest grade in school) and it feels like I am defiling the journal to actually write in it 😆

17 hours ago, WhiteGhost said:

I have spent a good part of my life dreaming of having better handwriting but have put in absolutely zero effort since 2nd grade, and barely any even then.  Watching here for inspo

16 hours ago, Kalitraz said:

My handwriting has never been very good. My dad and grandpa are doctors who have stereotypicaly awful handwriting and my wife says she can't tell their handwriting apart from mine 😅. While not a deliberate goal, I am hoping I can focus on improving it a little with the journaling habit I'm trying to build. Aside from that and notes 1 day/week lecture that I just started attending again, I hardly ever handwrite anything anymore. Your before sample looks pretty good. Not excellent but still pretty legible. You won't have to refine it much to get it to a good place, but then of course the sky's the limit as to how far you want to polish it. Best of luck!

7 hours ago, RES said:

I don't think I could do no chocolate...and my handwriting is horrible IMO, others do not agree...I'd much rather type.. Being an accountant has the advantages of not needing to write a whole lot  

Now the elliptical challenge is one I can get behind

 

I collected all these comments together just to demonstrate that it seems like none of us have bad handwriting, given that it seems everyone does these days. That makes us average  

 

I want to make it clear that I don't think neater or more aesthetically pleasing handwriting is better in any objective sense. As long as it's legible and communication is achieved, writing is doing its job. My goal is 100% based on doing something that I will be happy about and take pleasure from - I will write more and enjoy writing more if I like the product. So please, when you hear me complaining about the shape of my 'd' or whatnot, don't think that I don't realize it doesn't actually matter in any real sense   

 

16 hours ago, Kalitraz said:

😆I had to read this to my wife as we are getting ready this morning. This could have been written by her. We've had this same interaction multiple times. Just last night in fact lol. I'll have a square of chocolate, she'll eat 3 bars if they're available. She also wishes you the best of luck on your challenge!

 

Another one living among us! Reveal your secrets, mysterious creature of the outer planes!

 

5 hours ago, Tanktimus the Encourager said:

Also, I want chocolate now.

 

This is not what I was going for  😂

 

5 hours ago, Sovalis said:

I love your writing, Severine. I can see the issues you're talking about and respect your desire to tighten things up, but I love your flow and the generosity in the loops on your G's, for example. Looking forward to seeing a sample you're really happy with. 

 

The loops on my 'g's are one of the things I'm happy with and don't intend to change. I don't want standard textbook writing, just a more consistent/legible version of my own style. And thanks for the kind words and also for understanding that wanting to improve it doesn't mean I'm in the depths of despair about letter sizing or anything dramatic   

 

4 hours ago, Artemis Prime said:

I think you're starting from a very good point in your handwriting. I will say my printing is never 100% what I want it to be unless I'm writing fairly slowly. My cursive still gets sloppy when I'm in a rush, but for even paced writing, it's definitely neater than my print. When I am printing, though, I find that if I put a little tail on my t's, it helps me be neater. (I'm not sure if this would technically be called a terminal or a serif, but I mean the part where I put a little horizontal swoop at the bottom of the vertical instead of leaving it as a straight cross.) I think it's as much a mental cue that I am trying to write well as much any anything else, so you're free to steal that if you'd like, or perhaps experiment to find your own mental cue.

 

Good point re: cursive, which is a whole different kettle of fish. I'm focusing on printing here (although when I write quickly, it tends to kind of merge together a bit) because I don't use cursive much anymore. I probably will tackle my cursive (which is actually a bit neater than my printing) at a future date, but a surprising number of people can't read cursive anymore (a lot of people now in their late teens and early 20s didn't learn it in school) so I don't use it much. I like your tip about the 't', thanks. I know what you mean about little mental flags.

[Heidi]

9 hours ago, Severine said:

feeling a bit like I'm talking to a younger version of myself

what do you wish someone had told younger-you?

 

I'm an old-school longhand person, and I write predominantly on paper. I love the act of writing and always have. What emotions do you feel when you're writing just to jot something down? Are these feelings diferent when you're focused on writing as writing?

[Elastigirl]

On 9/12/2023 at 7:51 PM, Severine said:

Ambitious goals that I will profit from pursuing even if I don't succeed 100%

This is very true, and something that is easy to forget.

 

Here to cheer you on!

[Severine]

17 hours ago, Heidi said:

what do you wish someone had told younger-you?

 

Aside from "buy stock in Zoom in late 2019"?

 

In all seriousness, that's an excellent question and one that deserves some contemplation. A lot of advice about taking better care of myself, not being afraid to want what I want (and say so), and taking the long view. I look back on my farming days with very mixed emotions. In many ways, it was a wonderful period of my life; I had experiences I will never forget, learned a lot about myself and the world, and met some incredible people. But it also brought out some of my most (inadvertently) self-destructive qualities, and I will carry physical injuries (nerve damage, joint damage, neck and back injuries, etc.) for the rest of my life, because I was focused on doing the work that needed to get done at any cost. So many mistakes I had to learn from! I almost lost the top third of my right index finger because I didn't speak up forcefully enough when a manager insisted we use chains to manually move a piece of equipment that we definitely should have used one of the tractors to move. Thankfully I heal well (good job, body!).

 

17 hours ago, Heidi said:

I'm an old-school longhand person, and I write predominantly on paper. I love the act of writing and always have. What emotions do you feel when you're writing just to jot something down? Are these feelings diferent when you're focused on writing as writing?

 

Hard to express the feeling I get when writing. Connection, presence, awareness, aesthetic glee, a meditative serenity, creative stimulation. And all of that is stronger the more I focus on writing for its own sake and not just as a tool (although that's good too).

 

13 hours ago, Elastigirl said:

Here to cheer you on!

 

Welcome! 

 

Today was good and felt like forward progress. I did 15 minutes of handwriting practice (I am only counting dedicated practice, not time I handwrite for practical reasons), I didn't eat any chocolate, and I did 25 minutes on the elliptical (I'm not going to post the table everyday just for convenience and thread readability, but trust me friends, it is not being neglected). Same amount of time on the machine as yesterday, but it felt easier. I used my iPad to block the readout screen so that I didn't fixate on speed/distance/etc. and that was the right move. Not only did I feel more relaxed, but my average speed was faster than yesterday.

 

This evening I had the interview for the volunteer operator position with the local crisis line I want to volunteer with. I think it went very well; the next step is them checking my references. I have some anxiety because one of my references is a responsible, organized guy who will 100% get the form back to them promptly, but the other is the overworked head of the community centre in Boston. She's great, and would have nothing but good things to say about me, but she's got a lot on her plate both personally and professionally, so I fear I'm asking too much of her or that she'll be swamped and not find time to respond. It was helpful for me to recognize this worry and then figure out what I could do. I told D and L about my fears just to get them off my chest, which was helpful emotionally. I spoke with the interviewer from the crisis line and explained my concern (in a diplomatic way) and she said that if they didn't hear back from her within a week, they'd contact me to ask for a substitute reference. That was helpful to know. I then emailed both my references just to give them a heads-up about the email arriving either today or within the next few days. I had uncomfortable feelings about writing those emails, but I did it anyway, and now I feel better knowing that I have done what I can and I will handle whatever happens as well as possible, and that's all I can do.

 

I listened to a great episode of one of my favourite podcasts. It was about how to develop new friendships as an adult, and it dropped at just the right time for me, because as of December 18, it'll be two years since I moved to Vancouver, and I have only met one person I would feel comfortable calling a friend, and even that friendship is still nascent. Some of it is attributable to legitimate other concerns that were occupying my time and energy, but honestly the vast majority of the reason is I just haven't put myself out there, followed up with promising people, or really devoted much energy to it at all. I find it hard to make friends, and I hate hate haaate it when someone wants to be friends with me and I'm not particularly interested in reciprocating (which happens from time to time, sadly) so it can feel very daunting. The podcast was helpful and got me thinking about what concrete things I can do to pursue my goal of making more local human connections. I may make that an element of my next challenge, unless a bunch of you just want to up and move to Vancouver   

 

I will end with a song for today. I can't pick a favourite Bjork song, but this would be on the list of contenders. Also, fun fact, Thom Yorke has said it is his favourite song. He did a cover of it, which serves mostly as a reminder of how irreplaceable Bjork is, because Thom Yorke is a cultural treasure and his version was just...not even close. For best results, listen to it loud with good headphones: 

 

[fleaball]

How tf has it almost been two years? That's crazy. 

[Harriet]

Interesting goals! I have never seen anyone on NF challenge on their handwriting. I've always wondered how people develop a consistent style, as mine seems to be different every time I write. Inconsistent and ugly, unfortunately, but that's not crippling enough to move high to my list of things to challenge. I think your handwriting starting point is nice, so it will be interesting to see how the exercises enhance it. I like the pangrams, too. I hadn't seen them before, except the quick brown fox. 

Good luck with the chocolate. I have no idea how sugar moderators do it. 

[Severine]

Update! 

 

Bear report:

 

For reasons known only to themselves, the bears have been very active this season. A few days ago we had three cubs playing on our back deck while mama feasted on a berry bush near the rear fence. And then today, I was outside cleaning the deck for a good TWENTY MINUTES, making all sorts of noise, and then I swept some fallen pine needles off the edge of the deck and all of a sudden I heard it - THUMP THUMP RUSTLE RUSTLE RUSTLE. This was not my first bear rodeo, so I booked it inside the house. I then watched through the sliding door as, sure enough, a hefty-looking black bear climbed out from underneath the deck and lumbered off toward the creek. I was stomping around above him and apparently he was either napping or waiting for me to go away until apparently I just became too much. I am used to black bears, but that encounter had my heart racing. I always keep my distance (for their good and mine), but I didn't even know he was there...I am not used to them hiding underneath me  😅

 

 

The challenge is going...super well? Surely something is up. I had a fantastic, productive weekend:

• Ate well and probably at a calorie deficit
• Went to the farmer's market and bought some carnivorous plants (they are AWESOME) as well as more beautiful flowers from the flower farmers. Also some food or whatever, haha.
• Repainted over a bunch of scuffs and scratches left by the previous tenants of this house, who had kids - I have been meaning to do this since July and it felt so good to get it done, and it's so nice to have lovely clean freshly painted walls
• Hung up photos and paintings I'd been meaning to hang since we moved in (end of June)
• Got the perennials in the garden cut back and ready for winter
• Moved the hammock to the lower deck so I can chill outside and read (although I am nervous about this now, given bear density - will need to make sure not to fall asleep out in the hammock)
• Gave the kitchen a deep clean and organized a bunch of house stuff
• Crossed a variety of accounting and administrative tasks off my list
• Finally did the research to find an RMT and booked an appointment for tomorrow (excited!)

The asterisks under the elliptical section for Saturday and Sunday are because I didn't use the elliptical BUT I ended up doing way more other non-machine cardio (over an hour each day), so I am still counting it as a win.

 

I am excited for the massage tomorrow - this new RMT I am trying actually has thoracic outlet syndrome listed on her page as one of the things she has experience treating, and I am cautiously daring to hope she might be able to really help. Most people haven't even heard of it, so when I read her profile I basically started mashing the 'book now' button. I hope she's kind and cool and knows what she's doing. Will report back.

[Salinger]

HEY SEV. So sorry i missed the start. 

 

First, i actually love your handwriting! Its so so nice  i am a bit obsessed with handwriting. I always point out nice ones to Rox hahah 

 

Also that L.E.J song is amaaaaaazing. Even though i have no idea what they are saying

 

Sending lots of love - hope your day is excellent xx

[Everstorm]

Under the deck?!?  Would it be possible to block off that area so they aren't trying to hibernate under there?

[Kalitraz]

Exciting bear news. 3 cubs, wow! Always a little nerve-wracking, but they sure are cute aren't they. My wife used to work with the be-bear-aware campaign so we follow alot of bear info and do a fair bit of bear-watching in Yellowstone, Glacier and just in the mountains in general. Sounds like you're doing things right. Give them their space for their sake and yours. What region are you in if you don't mind me asking? Just curious.

 

GJ on the challenge so far! Yay for no chocolate! Have you noticed cravings for it getting less? Noticing any changes in handwriting yet?