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I had lunch with a friend this weekend. She asked me all about how I was losing weight. So, we chatted about that for a bit. Then she asked me if I was worried about extra skin, because and I quote " I've seen girls extra skin, and they look absolutely terrible. If I were you, I would stay heavier." I was shocked to say the least. I don't even know what to say to her now.

What would even be the best way to approach her? I'm not big into confrontations, but I know I should say something. Any advice will be very welcome.

Gnome Adventurer

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STR 2/DEX 1/STA 2/CON 4/WIS 4/CHA 2

What you do speaks so loudly that I cannot hear what you say. - Ralph Waldo Emerson

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You'll get extra skin only if you're really obese and a little older and lose weight really fast, either through surgery or Biggest Loser style. You look younger in the picture, and probably losing weight at an average rate, so there won't be any extra skin. Tell her you're not worried about something you can't change, but weight and your body image you can change.

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Wave your hand back and forth like a fish tail really quickly at face level and tell her, "please step into my office."

Edit: Whoops. Didn't realize what section this was in while viewing on my phone. Will delete when I get home.

I'll get my coat... =)

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I don't think you need to delete it. It's funny and true. A guys point of view can be refreshing

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"Love the Lord your God with all your heart, and with all your soul, and with all your strength, and with all your mind' Luke 10; 27

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I agree with Shiggles. There's not a whole lot of reason to bring it up again and tell her she's an idiot. If she says something similar in the future you can tell her you're not really worried about it, kthanksbye. Haters gon' hate.

btw, on wednesdays.. we wear pink.

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Oh that's just ridiculous. I'd probably say something like "well, you know, I'll risk it, and we'll see if it's a problem." And just know that's likely not going to happen to you and she's being ridiculous.

I hate stuff like this and am really sorry it happened to you!

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I think I will just ignore her. She has become super negative lately, and I don't need that in my life right now.

Gnome Adventurer

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STR 2/DEX 1/STA 2/CON 4/WIS 4/CHA 2

What you do speaks so loudly that I cannot hear what you say. - Ralph Waldo Emerson

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Ask her why she doesn't want you to be a magnificent sugar glider. No-one has a quick response to that, trust me.

HA! That's great.

I hate comments like that, too. I try to be honest, but generally when people say insensitive things, I'm shocked speechless. So I try to think of what to say next time. If it was me in that situation, I try to kind of jokingly communicate my hurt feelings, like "Gee, thanks for the encouragement, haha."

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Ask her why she doesn't want you to be a magnificent sugar glider. No-one has a quick response to that, trust me.

Saving this gem for later. Ohhhh yeah :)

"I'm just going to remember to not eat like an asshole most of the time" - MoC

three words I can sum up everything I've learned about life: one must squat.- Brobert Frost
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Special thanks to AkLulu for drawing my awesome avatar!

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damn right!

img-haters-gonna-hate-panda-352.jpeg

This.

Also, let's say you do end up with a bit of excess skin, wouldn't you rather a bit of excess skin but health and vitality and LIFE?

I'd say this comment is coming from a place of jealousy and fear. You know you'll be awesome, excess skin or not.

WarriorAmy
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Here is the thing....laura is 100% right. When ever ANYONE says anything to you that is not 100% supportive it has nothing whatsoever to do with YOU it has to do with them. See, they do not understand and many people do not, but this is 100% the truth, that someone elses success does not diminish them. That seeing someone else succeed in fact is a sign to them that THEY can also succeed because it is a reminder that there are many ways to succeed.

I would simply forgive her all by yourself because being angry at someone ONLY hurts YOU--if you love yourself enough you will not allow someone like this to affect you, you will simply let it go with love and kind of feel sorry for her that she can't get past her own insecurities to allow you to shine...

BIG HUGS!

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My usual response to "if I were you . . . " advice that goes completely contrary to what I plan to do is to say "well, then I guess it's a good thing you're not me, isn't it?" It's pretty snarky, but it does get the point across.

Note, by the way, that I learned this response as a teenager, when my mom said something like "I wouldn't be caught dead in those clothes," and I responded that "it's a good thing you're not wearing them, then, isn't it?" Oddly enough, I use almost exactly the same response when my near-teen daughter expresses her opinion about the clothes I'm wearing to walk the dog late at night.

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i wouldn't worry about it.

she could be your BESTEST FRIEND EVAR.

but sometimes even as best friends, we sabotage the ones we love, because we're jealous, or whatever. it all happens subconsciously. i'd give her a pass. but if she continues to be difficult, call her out on it. if it is your BFF, you should be able to call her out without your friendship having trouble.

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Here is the thing....laura is 100% right. When ever ANYONE says anything to you that is not 100% supportive it has nothing whatsoever to do with YOU it has to do with them. See, they do not understand and many people do not, but this is 100% the truth, that someone elses success does not diminish them. That seeing someone else succeed in fact is a sign to them that THEY can also succeed because it is a reminder that there are many ways to succeed.

I would simply forgive her all by yourself because being angry at someone ONLY hurts YOU--if you love yourself enough you will not allow someone like this to affect you, you will simply let it go with love and kind of feel sorry for her that she can't get past her own insecurities to allow you to shine...

BIG HUGS!

By that same token, sometimes seeing others succeed reminds you of all the success you haven't achieved yet, which often evokes angry or jealous feelings.

The old believe everything; the middle aged suspect everything: the young know everything.

~Oscar Wilde

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Ask her why she doesn't want you to be a magnificent sugar glider. No-one has a quick response to that, trust me.

That is awesome! I am a magnificent sugar glider!

Gnome Adventurer

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STR 2/DEX 1/STA 2/CON 4/WIS 4/CHA 2

What you do speaks so loudly that I cannot hear what you say. - Ralph Waldo Emerson

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Man, girls can be b*tches huh? Here's my 2 cents:

Is she just a friend, or a really good friend?

If she's just a friend, I say ignore it... and reduce contact. I have a hard enough time battling the negativity in my own head, so I wouldn't need anyone else reinforcing it. I had a friend who said "you should stop trying to lose weight, and just accept your new weight. You're older now, and probably can't lose the weight". When I started to think about it, she was feeding negative lines into a lot of our conversations. We no longer talk.

If she's a really good friend, and it's really eating at you, bring it up again. It's a really bitchy comment and it would make me upset. If you know her well, and she doesn't normally say things like that, there's something going on that needs airing. If she does normally say stuff like that... reassess why you're friends in the first place!

Good luck :)

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just give her the Kalteen bars that are the secret to weightloss success ;)

Shane Oman: Why are you eating a Kalteen bar?

Regina: I'm starving.

Shane Oman: Man, I hate those things. Coach Carr makes us eat those when we want to move up a weight class.

Regina: What?

Shane Oman: They make you gain weight like crazy.

Regina: Motherf -

[she spits out the bite of the bar that she was chewing, and then she lets out a high-pitched scream]

Regina: Aaaaaaaah!

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