[Harriet]

13 hours ago, Salinger said:

Hey all Sunday eve 8.30pm.

 

Been OK weekend. Not done much so feel a bit guilty.

 

Last night had roxys two friends round - they also my friends now ofc.

 

Was fun.

 

Today has been slow and this eve I feel sad.

 

It's my birthday tomorrow. Nothing planned.

 

I miss being out and drinking. I miss drinking with my friends. I miss all that.

 

I feel lonely tonight if I'm honest. Lonely and sad.

 

I miss my dad. And I'm bored of saying that.

 

I have a lot of work to do but I can't make myself do anything.

 

I just feel like curling into a ball and disappearing.

 

I've come up and lying on the bed.

 

Jackson is with me.

 

I've cried. And I may read a bit. Or I don't know. Sleep.

 

How depressing. Birthday tmoro and I'm going to bed at half 8.

 

 

I hope your birthday is sweet and restful, and that there are things to be glad of. ❤️ 

[Salinger]

6 minutes ago, Harriet said:

 

I hope your birthday is sweet and restful, and that there are things to be glad of. ❤️ 

 

Thank you Harriet ❤️

[TiogaGirl]

Happy happy birthday, Sal! I hope Roxy and Bronze spoil you. Enjoy your day ❤️

[Salinger]

1 hour ago, TiogaGirl said:

Happy happy birthday, Sal! I hope Roxy and Bronze spoil you. Enjoy your day ❤️

 

Thanks TG!!!!!!

 

Roxy is at work today but got a lovely wake up of kisses

 

Gig tickets x 3

Books

Popcorn

 

Other pressies later apparently!

 

Bronze is out with her friends, it is POURING down. She will prob need a bath when home. I will then have a bath too haha

 

Going to friends later on for pizza. 

 

Also, been and got three pieces of MDF board so i can do some painting. xx

[Salinger]

Hey all. Tuesday 2.20pm. 

 

Yesterday was nice, i relaxed and tried not to feel guilty about no working....!!!

 

I didn't get to any painting unfortunately but hey ho. 

 

Today ive spent the last 4 hours deep into web building. Im exhausted and my head hurts a bit. Learning new coding and stuff isnt helping my head hahahah

Its looking good though i think. 

 

Its a huge project. 

 

I need to clean the kitchen, eat something, drink something, pick up meds and take Bronze out.....

 

Id also like to do some kettlebell exercises. 

 

Maybe i should take a break?? ugh xx

[Artemis Prime]

Hey Sal, I don't think there's any reason to feel guilty about taking a day off for your birthday. Can you combine a break from coding with either taking Bronze out or some kettlebell work? Some movement and fresh air might be just what you need after a morning of hard computer work.

[Salinger]

1 hour ago, Artemis Prime said:

Hey Sal, I don't think there's any reason to feel guilty about taking a day off for your birthday. Can you combine a break from coding with either taking Bronze out or some kettlebell work? Some movement and fresh air might be just what you need after a morning of hard computer work.

 

Hey AP!

 

The moment I clicked send I put Bronze's harness on and out we went.

 

We had 45 mins kicking the footballball around and chasing a tennis ball.

 

Both sweaty and dirty.

 

Came home and I jumped In the shower.

 

Now I'm in clean clothes, I'm warmer and clean and fresh.

 

Bronze is also asleep already.

 

I will put the dishes in to soak and take recycling out to the bins. Then make a quick ham salad sandwich and a cup of tea.

 

I'll have that then pop to pick my meds up.

 

Home and sorted by half 4. Work till 6.30pm then maybe start a new painting.

 

Dinner. Film. Read. Bed.

 

That's the plan.

 

Xx

[Salinger]

Thought. Sad.

 

Spoiler

Is it normal to think about the things that make my heart shatter?

Not even shattered actually that's too violent a word. More like drop. Split. Maybe a slow creaking painful split.

I keep seeing my dad. I keep watching myself running up the hospital stairs not really knowing what's happening but urged by my sister who has been there for 2 hours.

Two days earlier I had been texting my dad and he said he would call me in the week to hear about my trip to Amsterdam

Seeing him in the hospital bed seemingly distressed but unable to be coherent.

My mum telling him that I was now there and that it was OK to 'go'

Go fucking where??

No... wait. I need you dad don't go.

I didn't even cry I just stared at the tubes. He then slowed down and I think he was asleep? No more manic noise or the feeling that he was trying to speak.

I wonder what he was trying to say? Was he scared?

We stayed there for almost 11 hours.

Then he had his last breathes. My mum was talking to us all softly. As we held his hands.

We were all on the beach at the sea and the waves were crashing around our feet. Seaguls called out and we watched the boats and the dogs playing.

The seconds between each breath got longer until he didn't breathe again.

I can almost feel his hand. Soft palm and rough finger tips from biting his nails.

I wish I remembered his voice.

I can feel his hug. The best cuddle anyone could wish for.

Warm and powerful but also delicate with love radiating through his body.

I remember I didn't visit too much in the last few months

I was busy but also he had felt quite poorly and it stressed me out seeing him in bed a lot.

When I arrived I went to his room and he was asleep. I went to gently wake him and he opened his eyes and his face ..... absolute pure joy at seeing me. It breaks my heart that I can't ever see that look again from him.

We texted every day. We spoke on the phone every week. I need him so much.

Thank you for being a place I can get this out of my head. X

 

[Salinger]

Hi. Still here x

[TimovieMan]

Happy belated birthday!

[Salinger]

Hi all. 

 

Apologising for the message (in the spoiler) wasnt something people likely wana see. 

 

Anyway moving on. 

 

Yesterday was ok. I am run down (again) and my anxiety is playing up. But i had weight training and got two PB  of course its very very new to me so the trainer said PBs will come quickly at the beginning. Its very fun though. I am apparently strong  nice to hear haha

 

Deadlift - 60kg (134lb)

Overhead Press - 40kg (105lb)

 

wooooooo

 

Trainer thinks i will do best at bench press. Thats next week!

 

Figuring out some financial stuff. Just invoiced for £850 for a job. Be 20 working days till payment - got a website payment to come next week. 

 

Just promoted my screen prints again. (if anyone wants one!! https://www.lizzbrady.com/category/all-products ) 

 

im sleeeepy. 

 

Oh!! GuESS WHAT. 

 

Started a new painting  enjoying it a lot. its a bit of a crazy one this time (they always are i know haha)

 

Excited to share with you xx

[Sovalis]

Happy belated birthday, Sal! Sorry I missed it. I hope that you have the best year yet. You have come so far and I am so proud of you. ❤️ 

[Salinger]

On 10/4/2024 at 5:34 PM, Sovalis said:

Happy belated birthday, Sal! Sorry I missed it. I hope that you have the best year yet. You have come so far and I am so proud of you. ❤️ 

 

Thanks Sov!!!!! ❤️ love youuuuu 

[Salinger]

Hey all. Sunday. Rainy today. Chilly. 

 

Just been doing some work. Feel tiny bit anxious but trying to be ok. I am also on my period and have a bit of pain. 

 

I will make a brew and watch the football in half an hour. 

 

I need to plot out the week as its really busy. 

 

Its also not going fast enough with some stuff like figuring out meetings. But there isnt a rush so i need to chill out ffs. 

 

I should focus on the funding applications editing because i get paid for that as soon as its complete!!!!!!!

 

I will focus on getting it done this week, then move on to business stuff. 

 

x

[Harriet]

On 10/4/2024 at 4:48 PM, Salinger said:

Overhead Press - 40kg (105lb)

 

😮

 

I never managed that, even after two years of consistently training it. You are indeed starting with awesome strength--just think how it could improve with time!

[Salinger]

1 hour ago, Harriet said:

 

😮

 

I never managed that, even after two years of consistently training it. You are indeed starting with awesome strength--just think how it could improve with time!

 

Thanks so much!!

 

It's exciting! I am looking forward to Thursday already

 

It makes me want to improve and to work on what I am eating etc even more and its nice that the trainer is so encouraging xx

 

[Artemis Prime]

On 10/4/2024 at 10:48 AM, Salinger said:

Deadlift - 60kg (134lb)

Overhead Press - 40kg (105lb)

Dang those are some impressive numbers!

[Salinger]

4 hours ago, Artemis Prime said:

Dang those are some impressive numbers!

 

Thanks soooooooo much x

[Salinger]

Such a busy day.

 

So much driving.

 

A big meeting in one city. Then drove to another for therapy.

 

Home, cup of tea, leftovers for dinner, and The Sopranos.

 

X

[Maggie-Miau]

I looooooove that you seem to enjoy the lifting so much! How great that you've found your Thing! You're so strong already and will only get stronger 🤩

[TiogaGirl]

On 10/7/2024 at 9:58 AM, Artemis Prime said:

Dang those are some impressive numbers!

They really are!! I can deadlift nearly that much (or at least I could before surgery, haven't tried it lately) but 40 kg is shamazing for OH press! I was happy to get 40 lb today, lol. 

(This reminds me of being in a gym in Scotland a couple years ago and feeling completely bamboozled as to why my usual weights were completely undoable, then figuring out that the plates were all labeled in kg not pounds. I was so relieved that I wasn't just weakened by the yellow Scottish sun or smthg, haha.)

You're strong as hell, sal!

[TiogaGirl]

Kick some more ass at your lifting today! 😍

[Salinger]

On 10/8/2024 at 1:17 AM, Maggie-Miau said:

I looooooove that you seem to enjoy the lifting so much! How great that you've found your Thing! You're so strong already and will only get stronger 🤩

 

Thank you MIA ❤️ xx

 

On 10/8/2024 at 6:46 PM, TiogaGirl said:

They really are!! I can deadlift nearly that much (or at least I could before surgery, haven't tried it lately) but 40 kg is shamazing for OH press! I was happy to get 40 lb today, lol. 

(This reminds me of being in a gym in Scotland a couple years ago and feeling completely bamboozled as to why my usual weights were completely undoable, then figuring out that the plates were all labeled in kg not pounds. I was so relieved that I wasn't just weakened by the yellow Scottish sun or smthg, haha.)

You're strong as hell, sal!

 

Thanks so much TG!!!!! xx

 

 

21 hours ago, TiogaGirl said:

Kick some more ass at your lifting today! 😍

 

 it was great xx

[Salinger]

Hey all, yesterday was ok. BUSY. 

 

I had lifting session, it was good. I had a bad headache before but it went away as i worked out. 

 

Also had slight sore back but some exercises the PT gave me and it stretched it out and felt fine

 

Yesterday we focused on bench press and ended with a few squats, trying to get my technique lower. 

 

Bench press - 110lb / 50kg

Squats - 78lb / 35kg

 

Thinking I may try to do a bit of yoga a few times a week. Help with some stretching and recovery. Its hard as i dont have much space. Not sure where i could do it.....will have a think. 

 

Rent is paid - 2 days late but paid now. Was a major stress. (late being paid an invoice)

 

Dont have much until i get paid next Tuesday but will be ok. 

 

Last night I drove 90mins to the airport, picked my mum and auntie up (they had been to Greece to see their mum, my grandma) then drove 90 mins to take them home. Had dinner, then drove to MY home - 75 mins. 

A LOT OF DRIVING. 

 

Today, I have a meeting, in person with someone who potentially will join the board!!! 

 

She is a Dr of sociology! and lectures at the university. 

 

Then driving into Manchester meeting a friend and going to TWO art show openings. Lots of alcohol will be around (plus my friend is the one I drank so much with all the time) bit anxious. 

 

Hoping for a good day. ❤️ 

[Harriet]

3 hours ago, Salinger said:

Bench press - 110lb / 50kg

 

I cannot believe this is your starting bench. 😭 You've got really good upper body strength already. WOW ENVYYYYYY

 

3 hours ago, Salinger said:

Today, I have a meeting, in person with someone who potentially will join the board!!! 

 

She is a Dr of sociology! and lectures at the university. 

 

Then driving into Manchester meeting a friend and going to TWO art show openings. Lots of alcohol will be around (plus my friend is the one I drank so much with all the time) bit anxious. 

 

Hoping for a good day. ❤️ 

 

Good luck with the meeting and the alcohol free art shows. ❤️