LGBTQA and Ally Safe Space

[Kevin Mack]

Kind of a double edged sword. In our rush to include everyone we come up with very specific labels to describe every iteration of gender/sexuality/anatomy which is kind of the root of the problem to begin with. At first it was gay rights, then LGBT, now LGBTQA and I had to get on Google to figure out what cis means. Now straight white Christian guys like me can't have a voice in the discussion (not here, this thread is very cool. Elsewhere) because I don't fit the right definition, not having been discriminated against (true), persecuted (true) or presumptively anti-gay (not true). But not fitting the approved definition was what spurred every acceptance movement in history be they motivated by race, ethnicity, or class, or whatever. Everyone's unique situation and experience gives them a unique perspective that no one else can understand perfectly, so like Bekah said, we're better off accentuating the similarities than highlighting the differences.

[Thrillho]

 

... I respond to every situation with memes.  I'll stop.

[Frost of the Gloaming]

[Bekah]

[Thrillho]

[Hit]

Now I'm not trying to get testy here, but .. no it isn't. Privilege is not having to be engaged in a struggle. Defining it in whole or in-part as "being unaware of someone else's struggle" seems specious at best, dogmatic at worst.

Did you just say i was wrong and then agree with what i said? Cos thats what it looks like happened. Either that or we're about to embark on a lengthy semantics debate.

[Hit]

At first it was gay rights, then LGBT, now LGBTQA and I had to get on Google to figure out what cis means. Now straight white Christian guys like me can't have a voice in the discussion

The fucking irony of this.

[nightlight]

play nice, kids  

 

/end friendly mod pep talk.

[ColoQ]

 

Did you just say i was wrong and then agree with what i said? Cos thats what it looks like happened. Either that or we're about to embark on a lengthy semantics debate.

I don't believe I did.  The distinction is fairly clear. As I understand it, your contention is that being ignorant - not having to be aware of struggles others deal with -  is an example of privilege at work. My contention is that not *having* the struggle - whether you are or are not aware of it - is privilege.   

 

play nice, kids

 

/end friendly mod pep talk.

 

Understood! I see this as a respectful debate about a touchy subject - if it needs to stop I'm OK with that.. 

[Hit]

And let the great semantics debate begin!

...not really. I dont have the patience to talk to you today.

[savan]

So...I just wanted to stick my head in to say hi! Because this is supposed to be a safe space, right?

I feel like there's a time and a place for education and discussion, but sometimes it's nice to be able to go to a place and feel known and understood by the people there without having to explain yourself or justify your existence.

At least, I assumed that was the purpose of this thread. I feel like there's a whole vast internet out there for education and discussion. This has nothing to do with undervaluing allies or the importance of diplomacy/education. Instead, I think it has a lot to do with the need for a safe space that doesn't require explanation. It's nice to just exist, sometimes. Like normal people. Because we are normal people. Just, y'know, LGBTQA.

[ColoQ]

And let the great semantics debate begin!

...not really. I dont have the patience to talk to you today.

I get the sense that I somehow offended or angered you. If I did, please forgive me. I merely intended to engage in a rational discourse weighing two separate perspectives. I obviously did not achieve that.

 

 I'll go ahead and drop it.  

 

Were we in person, I'd buy you a beer / Gin&Tonic / Kale Smoothie / whatever to smooth it over - so whatever the digital equivalent of that is. 

[Bekah]

So...I just wanted to stick my head in to say hi! Because this is supposed to be a safe space, right?

I feel like there's a time and a place for education and discussion, but sometimes it's nice to be able to go to a place and feel known and understood by the people there without having to explain yourself or justify your existence.

At least, I assumed that was the purpose of this thread. I feel like there's a whole vast internet out there for education and discussion. This has nothing to do with undervaluing allies or the importance of diplomacy/education. Instead, I think it has a lot to do with the need for a safe space that doesn't require explanation. It's nice to just exist, sometimes. Like normal people. Because we are normal people. Just, y'know, LGBTQA.

Hi and welcome Sometimes a person's existence in the world is an angry, negative one...and sometimes people have bad days...here is no exception, so like we all do out there, lighten it up again if we can, or just let the mood pass and re-engage later, right?

I'm glad this place is here...

I'm reading the Game of Thrones books, and while I know it's fiction...in book 5, there is a hermaphrodite (please tell me that doesnt offend people too, does it??) and she dresses and speaks and behaves femininely, and she is part of a "grotesquerie" and her slave owner is dying, and she knows they will kill her when he does die...and it just makes me sad to think about what life was like for LGBTQA people throughout history, and be grateful that I live here and now rather than in a time or place that I would be seen even more negatively by the masses.

[MidknytOwl]

Hi!  I confess only went back a couple of pages (76 pages? Oy.), and I feel I may have stumbled in during a bad moment.  

 

So, to lighten the mood:

 

I've recruited two friends IRL to venture over to Nerd Fitness and join me in the current 6 week challenge.  I was going to crack some joke on my thread about being close to a toaster oven, or asking what the Nerd Fitness equivalent would be, but then I realized probably no one would get it.

 

Then I remembered reading there was this thread, hunted it down, and posted it here, where people might find my joke funny.

 

(Though now I'm also remembering we're a pretty international bunch and it might just be a joke here in the States.  Hell, maybe even just on the west, for all I know.  Eh, I can explain if you need me to.)

 

Ba-dum-bump.

[RES]

Hi!  I confess only went back a couple of pages (76 pages? Oy.), and I feel I may have stumbled in during a bad moment.  

 

So, to lighten the mood:

 

I've recruited two friends IRL to venture over to Nerd Fitness and join me in the current 6 week challenge.  I was going to crack some joke on my thread about being close to a toaster oven, or asking what the Nerd Fitness equivalent would be, but then I realized probably no one would get it.

 

Then I remembered reading there was this thread, hunted it down, and posted it here, where people might find my joke funny.

 

(Though now I'm also remembering we're a pretty international bunch and it might just be a joke here in the States.  Hell, maybe even just on the west, for all I know.  Eh, I can explain if you need me to.)

 

Ba-dum-bump.

nope, south and east are familiar with it as well

[GamingPlenty]

i don't think it's a thing for us brits. i don't think toaster ovens are even a thing for us brits. i am so in the dark.

[fleaball]

Hi!  I confess only went back a couple of pages (76 pages? Oy.), and I feel I may have stumbled in during a bad moment.  

 

So, to lighten the mood:

 

I've recruited two friends IRL to venture over to Nerd Fitness and join me in the current 6 week challenge.  I was going to crack some joke on my thread about being close to a toaster oven, or asking what the Nerd Fitness equivalent would be, but then I realized probably no one would get it.

 

Then I remembered reading there was this thread, hunted it down, and posted it here, where people might find my joke funny.

 

(Though now I'm also remembering we're a pretty international bunch and it might just be a joke here in the States.  Hell, maybe even just on the west, for all I know.  Eh, I can explain if you need me to.)

 

Ba-dum-bump.

I'll freely admit I have no clue what you're talking about, but I live under a rock anyway. I can has explanation?

[MidknytOwl]

I'll freely admit I have no clue what you're talking about, but I live under a rock anyway. I can has explanation?

 

Not a problem.  One person got it at least, so I'm happy.

 

There's this joke/saying here that when you "recruit" three straight girls to the gay side, you get a toaster oven.  (Well, it might be for guys too, but I've only heard it amongst the ladies.)  I'm not sure the background behind it, but I'm guessing some kind of play on our supposed evil agenda to recruit people or something?

 

So I've recruited two people to Nerd Fitness.  What's my prize when I get to three?

[insanity]

Not a problem.  One person got it at least, so I'm happy.

 

There's this joke/saying here that when you "recruit" three straight girls to the gay side, you get a toaster oven.  (Well, it might be for guys too, but I've only heard it amongst the ladies.)  I'm not sure the background behind it, but I'm guessing some kind of play on our supposed evil agenda to recruit people or something?

 

So I've recruited two people to Nerd Fitness.  What's my prize when I get to three?

A weight set... :-)

[RES]

http://www.afterellen.com/back-in-the-day-coming-out-with-ellen/04/2005/

 

It's from Ellen's coming out episode..."At the conclusion of the episode, Melissa Etheridge gives Susan a toaster oven as her tongue-in-cheek reward for converting another woman to lesbianism."

[fleaball]

Woo! Learn something new every day. I was going to ask if it was related to buying a house, which I think was mentioned a zillion pages back and I'd never heard before either. brb hoarding knowledge and inside jokes

[MidknytOwl]

Woo! Learn something new every day. I was going to ask if it was related to buying a house, which I think was mentioned a zillion pages back and I'd never heard before either. brb hoarding knowledge and inside jokes

 

Are you referring to Uhauling, perhaps?  (One to add to your hoarding, if not.)

 

http://www.afterellen.com/back-in-the-day-coming-out-with-ellen/04/2005/

 

It's from Ellen's coming out episode..."At the conclusion of the episode, Melissa Etheridge gives Susan a toaster oven as her tongue-in-cheek reward for converting another woman to lesbianism."

 

Aha!  

 

 

It used to just be for one convert though?  Times have gotten tougher.

[fleaball]

Are you referring to Uhauling, perhaps?  (One to add to your hoarding, if not.)

Yes. That. I'm totally failing at this conversation, wow. 

[Terinatum]

Hi

 

Just chiming in. It's been a long time.

 

So, I hadn't heard the toaster one before but I thought it had to do with the u-hauling which I know all too well.

 

@Fleaball - uhauling is when two lesbians hook up one night, share their emotional baggage the next evening, and move in together (bringing said haul of stuff) before the first week is up. Or something to that effect.

 

 

Anywho.

I'm Teri. I love running, weight lifting, music, drawing stick figures - doing actiony things and wearing hats or at least an awesome doo - , cooking, and chatting with peeps. So...

I ended a 17 year relationship this spring and though it was my decision, it was quite tough. We're still extremely close as many lesbians are! hehehe But today I got a breath of fresh air in my sails. A nice looking (dare I say sexy to me) woman paid me a little heed in the store we were at. I thought it was a fluke and then it happened again when she left. Nice feeling, being flirted with after so long not worrying to even look for it.

Makes me... horny! lol It's been a long while, not caring if I was ever going to be happily horny again. Life throws curves. I'm starting to work on my catcher's mitt!

 

Hi All.

Cheers

[fleaball]

I totally knew that. I was just testing everyone to make sure they were up to speed. Congratulations, everyone passed! I'm going back to hide under my rock now...