LGBTQA and Ally Safe Space

[SolitaryOrchid]

I'm wondering, how do you even pass as non-binary/genderqueer? I mean, most people think there are only men and women, so they either categorize you as a(n unusual looking specimen of) dude or lady, instead of neither/in-between/somewhat-but-not-completely.

 

I don't even know how I could advertise myself as a demi-lady - except maybe wearing a shirt that says something like "75% woman, 25% dragon".

 

Until society accepts that there is even such a thing as non binary it's impossible unfortunately. I identified as non binary up until recently when I realized I've always been a man (hey, hey denial! get outa here!) and when I had that identity I used to stress all the time about never being able to pass. It was very distressing not being able to be read as what I thought was my true self at the time so I somewhat understand your pain. Society, at least American society as that's all I'm qualified to comment on, is just now starting to get used to the idea of binary trans people. I think it will be a while still before non binary is even on their radar and even once it is it will likely take a long time to get out of the "special snowflake" mentality.

[SinnahSaint]

Hi.

Bi and poly cis-lady here. *waves*

Have a great day.

 

*goes back to lurking*

[MAGICFATSO]

Hi, I'm not gay nor lesbian, but I still wanted to share my support. I really can't believe how gay people still have to deal with civil rights and discrimination issues. One good thing is that most of the people against the gays won't be alive in a few years, lol.

 

There is one thing I don't understand about the gays tho, and perhaps I can ask here.

Once again I am not making any sort of judgement, I am just opening this to discussion.

 

I've seen that the male gays often strive for a lean, jacked and oiled body, while the ladies often "let go" of their bodies and end up being over weight. I'm talking out of what I've seen in real life: most gay guys look fit, most queer ladies look fat.

 

Now, I don't have any problem with that, but I do believe that they promove an unhealthy lifestyle for the other lesbian ladies. And I get it, it's their body and they can do whatever the hell they want with it. It's amazing to accept oneself and incredibly difficult to achieve! But on the other hand, the cost of being overweight is being open to a lot of preventable diseases such as diabetes, heart disease and many more.

 

I hope this post isn't flamatory to anyone, that is not my purpose.

[SinnahSaint]

 

I've seen that the male gays often strive for a lean, jacked and oiled body, while the ladies often "let go" of their bodies and end up being over weight. I'm talking out of what I've seen in real life: most gay guys look fit, most queer ladies look fat.

 

 

 I'm going to assume it's an honnest question and answer as such.

 

There are subsections of the LGBT comunity you obviously no nothing about like bears and fems... but take a look around society. Women are constantly being told they need to be hot because men don't want to look at anyone who's unatractive. Men are taught that an attractive mate increases their social standing. These two things combine to men trying to get the hottest mate, and women finnaly free to be who they are and possibly rebelling a bit.

 

LGBT people come in all shapes and sizes but the stereotypes are probably due to the patriarchy.

[ColoQ]

I've seen that the male gays often strive for a lean, jacked and oiled body, while the ladies often "let go" of their bodies and end up being over weight. I'm talking out of what I've seen in real life: most gay guys look fit, most queer ladies look fat.

 

Now, I don't have any problem with that, but I do believe that they promove an unhealthy lifestyle for the other lesbian ladies. And I get it, it's their body and they can do whatever the hell they want with it. It's amazing to accept oneself and incredibly difficult to achieve! But on the other hand, the cost of being overweight is being open to a lot of preventable diseases such as diabetes, heart disease and many more.

 

Uhhhhm.. No. That is the media you are drawing impressions from.  We in the LGBTQ community come in a wide array of body types, weights/sizes, muscle tones, lifestyles, and activity levels: and are attracted to a wide array of body types, weights/sizes, muscle tones, lifestyles, and activity levels.  I personally know Bigger dudes (300+ pounds -- generally called chubs in that sub culture) that only hook up with / have relationships with bigger men. I know smaller / skinnier / "Height and weight proportionate" guys that only want to hook up with "chubs." In their eyes fat is sexy.  ..  and its not a small isolated group - its a whole international community.

 

I know "feminine" lesbians that try to be at 0% body fat and run half marathons.

 

So.. I wouldn't be so quick to generalize.

[SolitaryOrchid]

 

There is one thing I don't understand about the gays tho,

 

I may be the only one who has a problem with this, but...

We're gay people, not "the gays".

Too many people already try to take away our humanity as it is.

Like I said, I may be the only one this bothers but I have a real problem with that phrasing.

[ColoQ]

I may be the only one who has a problem with this, but...

We're gay people, not "the gays".

Too many people already try to take away our humanity as it is.

Like I said, I may be the only one this bothers but I have a real problem with that phrasing.

Nope! A+ job. I was less than gruntled at that, but decided not to mention it since I tend to be too confrontational at times.

[Frost of the Gloaming]

All I know is that gay guys tend to put on post wedding weight too

[Deidara]

Uhhhhm.. No. That is the media you are drawing impressions from.  We in the LGBTQ community come in a wide array of body types, weights/sizes, muscle tones, lifestyles, and activity levels: and are attracted to a wide array of body types, weights/sizes, muscle tones, lifestyles, and activity levels.  I personally know Bigger dudes (300+ pounds -- generally called chubs in that sub culture) that only hook up with / have relationships with bigger men. I know smaller / skinnier / "Height and weight proportionate" guys that only want to hook up with "chubs." In their eyes fat is sexy.  ..  and its not a small isolated group - its a whole international community.

 

I know "feminine" lesbians that try to be at 0% body fat and run half marathons.

 

So.. I wouldn't be so quick to generalize.

 

I agree and also want to add that you don't know whether someone is gay/bi/pan/whatever until they explicitly mention it. 

 

This question was obviously asked from a place of knowing only certain people in the lgbt community and generalizing everyone based off of them. People need to realize that there's no way you can tell sexuality by looking at someone, so just because someone doesn't look like whatever your previous known experience with gay men or lesbians is doesn't mean they're straight. 

 

Also this "fat lesbians, by existing, promote an unhealthy lifestyle and make obesity look good" argument is very concern-trolling and fatphobic honestly. Fat people can exist and be healthy, and even if they're not, it's not your problem and you don't get to pass judgment on them. Besides, a lot of the health problems typically associated with obesity are actually more correlated with fluctuating weight - from things like yo-yo dieting - than just the weight itself. Get off your moral high horse.

[Ojuntapu]

I've seen that the male gays often strive for a lean, jacked and oiled body, while the ladies often "let go" of their bodies and end up being over weight. I'm talking out of what I've seen in real life: most gay guys look fit, most queer ladies look fat.

 

Gay men are signalling attractiveness as a mate to other men and wish to catch the male gaze. We have to realize that not all gay guys are gym bunnies, as has been implied above -- see bears and bear cubs and so forth.

 

Gay women, as women, are always under the male gaze whether they wish to be or not. Being fat is a superb way of trying to shut down the male gaze, get out from under that particular microscope. While some het guys love those big ladies, our culture says they shouldn't and they usually have at least some conflicted feelings about their attractions. Many of them make conscious or unconscious decisions about what size of woman is okay to sleep with casually, who they can brag to their guy friends about being with and who is serious LTR material. Women, gay or straight, who take up space challenge the paradigm that women should be small and delicate while men are big and strong. Gay women don't tend to care as much if their sweetie is overweight, as they have a different language to signal their fitness to potential (female/queer) mates than an hour glass shape. For gay women it can a simple calculus, a way of showing, 'My body is not for you boyz.' Plus, many of those large ladies (gay and straight) have in fact, not 'let themselves go' but are both large AND strong, which means they not only take up space in a world that says women shouldn't, but that they are strong, too, and this is another factor to add to the equation, one of intimatation. For gay women being fat can also mean a bit of safety on the streets.

 

I say this as a trans*man who has just started T and is still largely identified as female by other people. Plus I had long hair untill a few years ago. I'm small, 5'2",  but very strong for my size and with martial arts training. My spouse is #300 + lbs AFAB (assigned female at birth) and gender queer, with a buzz cut, and while she/they is really the sweetest person, she looks like she might want to break you. And even though she's never taken martial arts, men give her a wider berth on the streets and generally more deference physically. I have recieved many times more the street harrasmenet from men than she has. Yes, people will yell 'dyke' at her more often, but there is a cautiousness to it, while men often approach me with the expactation that they can 'own' me and the space I occupy. They can't mess with her without feeling like she could hurt them back if they tried something. Of course, I can hurt them back, too, but they don't know that. And since my primary martial art has been aikido, I mostly aiki (deflect) my way out of the situation before it escalates.

 

Sure, it might be healthier to be a power lifter or on the heavy weights team than simply be overweight. We have to understand that generally big women are encourged to become thin little sticks rather than the next record holder at the hammer throw! My partner may look out of shape, and 'gone to seed' but we are training for long distance cycling together. Just because someone is fat doesn't mean they aren't an athlete! Oh, and my partner is bi, so all those fat phobic guys were just missing out on being with a really cool person!

[SinnahSaint]

Something funny I found on Facebook today:

 

We need more Lady B in the world.

[Polaris]

And even though she's never taken martial arts, men give her a wider berth on the streets and generally more deference physically. I have recieved many times more the street harrasmenet from men than she has. Yes, people will yell 'dyke' at her more often, but there is a cautiousness to it, while men often approach me with the expactation that they can 'own' me and the space I occupy. They can't mess with her without feeling like she could hurt them back if they tried something. Of course, I can hurt them back, too, but they don't know that.

This is why one of my main goals is to lower BF% and get moar muscle. Not to look leaner and better (even though that's a factor) but to look more intimidating to people - or let's face it, men - who might start trouble. I want arms that say "I can choke you with one hand, you son of a ¤&%". Of course, some men might still try, but that's why I practice martial arts. I'm 5'4" and have never been really big. I've been attacked by men before, and I'm quite sure they wouldn't have dared if I were taller/bigger/a guy.

 

On the topic of stereotypes - there are stereotypes of what gay men and lesbian women look like, but what about bisexuals? Bisexual women, more specifically? Like, is there a "look" for us that goes with the whole greedy succubus image? (I have honestly sometimes worried I look too straight ) I'm getting a long mohawk soon, so that should be there between "long feminine straight girl hair" and "short butch lesbian hair", right?

[ColoQ]

On the topic of stereotypes - there are stereotypes of what gay men and lesbian women look like, but what about bisexuals? Bisexual women, more specifically? Like, is there a "look" for us that goes with the whole greedy succubus image? (I have honestly sometimes worried I look too straight ) I'm getting a long mohawk soon, so that should be there between "long feminine straight girl hair" and "short butch lesbian hair", right?

Mmm..  I don't think there is. Mostly owing to the "Bisexuals don't exist" stereotype (AKA Bisexual invisibilty).

[fleaball]

On the topic of stereotypes - there are stereotypes of what gay men and lesbian women look like, but what about bisexuals? Bisexual women, more specifically? Like, is there a "look" for us that goes with the whole greedy succubus image? (I have honestly sometimes worried I look too straight ) I'm getting a long mohawk soon, so that should be there between "long feminine straight girl hair" and "short butch lesbian hair", right?

If someone could tell me how to look like a succubus I'd be all over that. I think ColoQ is right, unless you want to count "drunk girl at a party." 

[SjardisDead]

If someone could tell me how to look like a succubus I'd be all over that.

 

Buy a costume or become a costplayer and make your own. Unless you want to be the South Park kind of scuccubus then you will need some heroin, a mad very talented surgeon and two goathoofs.

 

 

[AvatarAbe]

On the topic of stereotypes - there are stereotypes of what gay men and lesbian women look like, but what about bisexuals? Bisexual women, more specifically? Like, is there a "look" for us that goes with the whole greedy succubus image? (I have honestly sometimes worried I look too straight ) I'm getting a long mohawk soon, so that should be there between "long feminine straight girl hair" and "short butch lesbian hair", right?

 

Hah, love the succubus imagery. As for bisexual men, I've been told we don't actually exist, so I'd probably---

 

*vanishes from existence*

 

 

 

ETA: Didn't see ColoQ's post. I feel much less clever now.

[Latsu Swagneel]

Hah, love the succubus imagery. As for bisexual men, I've been told we don't actually exist, so I'd probably---

*vanishes from existence*

ETA: Didn't see ColoQ's post. I feel much less clever now. [emoji14]

The term for a male succubus is an incubus.

Sent front phone. Any mistakes are its fault.

[ColoQ]

Hah, love the succubus imagery. As for bisexual men, I've been told we don't actually exist, so I'd probably---

 

*vanishes from existence*

 

 

 

ETA: Didn't see ColoQ's post. I feel much less clever now.

More clever, in fact. Yours included a joke

[AvatarAbe]

The term for a male succubus is an incubus.

True. But I've always felt that it doesn't have quite the same ring to it.

Also thanks ColoQ.

[Latsu Swagneel]

True. But I've always felt that it doesn't have quite the same ring to it.

Also thanks ColoQ.

True. Sucubus sounds a LOT more sexual.

Sent front phone. Any mistakes are its fault.

[Reluctant Amazon]

Incubi don't exist, succubi are bigendered and pansexual.

Sent from my LG-D321 using Tapatalk

[Latsu Swagneel]

Incubi don't exist, succubi are bigendered and pansexual.

Sent from my LG-D321 using Tapatalk

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Incubus

Pansexual they may be, the general depiction of succubi is in the female form. Incubi, on the other hand, are depicted in the male form.

Sent front phone. Any mistakes are its fault.

[fleaball]

 

Buy a costume or become a costplayer and make your own. Unless you want to be the South Park kind of scuccubus then you will need some heroin, a mad very talented surgeon and two goathoofs.

Costumes are boring. I'd rather just be highly attractive and possibly magical. With no goat parts, preferably.

[Jett]

I think she was suggesting that they're the same thing that shifts forms.

[ColoQ]

Incubi don't exist, succubi are bigendered and pansexual.

Sent from my LG-D321 using Tapatalk

Thats incubus erasure! I think I speak for the entire Sexually demonic community that these sorts of statements are offensive!

 

 

 

 

Edit: Said tongue firmly in cheek and not actually offended.