LGBTQA and Ally Safe Space

[namelesswonder]

Some randomness: An interesting conversation I had with a friend after I came out... She is also bi, and also in the situation of being in an apparently heteronormative relationship, getting married to a cis-guy, never dated women, etc. For women (maybe just particularly in the US or Western culture) it can be super confusing growing up with how open girl friendships can be. Like, it's okay to change in the same room as each other, okay to compliment each other's bodies & appearance etc. So when you're not sure if you're attracted to a body or *just* admiring... that's really confusing. Especially for me as someone who is kinda ace (rarely sexually attracted to anybody, don't fantasize about anybody other than my husband). I spent a lot of time wondering if I was "looking" at other women too much, which probably should have been a tip-off :p.

 

I have to say, when I was going to regular workout classes at Orange Theory Fitness, I was never sure if I was admiring booties/bodies just because they were aesthetically nice or I kinda wished I could touch it.

 

(speaking in gender binary terms, but only because I'm not sure how to cover the gender spectrum when there is a difference for me in how I'm attracted to more feminine/masculine appearing people)

[Draegon (Liam P Boyle)]

Just a quick intro: I'm a 43 year old man in a heteronormative marriage of almost 15 years, the has transformed into a polyamorous MFM (male, female, male) vee. My wife and I are both bisexual but my metamour (my lover's lover aka husband #2) is straight and actually slightly homophobic. (My wife, his daughter, and I ate working that out of him.)

Anyway, the past few years sex has become much less important to me, so I've been wondering if I'm not sliding over to the asexual side of the spectrum. I just have not been in a very sexual mode for quite some time although I still have a great aesthetic appreciation for attractive men and women. Fun to look at but no desire to touch like I once had.

As I said, I just wanted to intoduce myself, so "Hello All."

This message sent with 100% recycled electrons.

[Artinum]

It's quite common in a long term relationship for sex to lose appeal. Between the prep work and the mess afterwards, I'm often more inclined to a cup of tea.

[Draegon (Liam P Boyle)]

It's quite common in a long term relationship for sex to lose appeal. Between the prep work and the mess afterwards, I'm often more inclined to a cup of tea.

Tea and a good book does sound preferable.

This message sent with 100% recycled electrons.

[anxiousgeek]

Hello all!

I'm bread, a married, bi, genderfluid person of queerness and podgey mum.  Wife is mostly gay. Son is like five days old. I'm afab. Use any pronouns at any given time. Just saying hi.

[SevenofSeven]

Welcome and congratulations for the wee one! 

[SolitaryOrchid]

For those of you who remember me, the trans man with the suddenly unsupportive husband, things have changed. He had a complete change of heart and today is the day I start testosterone! I'm super excited!

[SolitaryOrchid]

3 minutes ago, imprimis5 said:

 

Yeah! That's fantastic! That has to be a fantastic feeling of relief.

 

It really is. I've been waiting for this day for so long and now I know I get to experience it with my husband still by my side. It's an amazing feeling!

[Draegon (Liam P Boyle)]

 

It really is. I've been waiting for this day for so long and now I know I get to experience it with my husband still by my side. It's an amazing feeling!

I wish you the best on your journey.

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[SolitaryOrchid]

1 hour ago, Liam P Boyle said:

I wish you the best on your journey.

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Thanks!

[Draegon (Liam P Boyle)]

 

Thanks!

Welcome [emoji4]

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[Jett]

On 8/22/2016 at 8:05 AM, SolitaryOrchid said:

 

It really is. I've been waiting for this day for so long and now I know I get to experience it with my husband still by my side. It's an amazing feeling!

 

Oh my goodness, that's awesome! I'm so happy for you!

[Fearkiller]

Hmm. This is pretty random, but I'm writing a story where one of the cast is transgender (female-to-male). I know very little of what's it like, and it feels like I'm the proverbial bull in the china-shop =something big and clumsy among something intricate and complicated. Maybe sayings don't translate so well..

 

Would any of you know any resources to help me understand?

 

Thank you in advance ^-^

-Fearkiller

[zeroh13]

49 minutes ago, Fearkiller said:

Hmm. This is pretty random, but I'm writing a story where one of the cast is transgender (female-to-male). I know very little of what's it like, and it feels like I'm the proverbial bull in the china-shop =something big and clumsy among something intricate and complicated. Maybe sayings don't translate so well..

 

Would any of you know any resources to help me understand?

 

Thank you in advance ^-^

-Fearkiller

 

To get an understanding of the basic stuff, I'm sure there are books and articles and blogs out there that can help. Hopefully someone else can fill that in.

 

But honestly, as a writer I think your best resource is to go out and interview a few people (Nail down the basic stuff before interviewing anyone though). That way you can ask the questions that relate to your story. And you can go back to them with your rough draft and ask if you handled the character/subject matter okay.

[imprimis5]

Just be 

4 hours ago, Fearkiller said:

Hmm. This is pretty random, but I'm writing a story where one of the cast is transgender (female-to-male). I know very little of what's it like, and it feels like I'm the proverbial bull in the china-shop =something big and clumsy among something intricate and complicated. Maybe sayings don't translate so well..

 

Would any of you know any resources to help me understand?

 

Thank you in advance ^-^

-Fearkiller

 

It's good that you're stepping carefully! A good trans friend of mine is on record saying many times that she loves it when cis writers tell stories about trans people, but it's almost always awful when cis writers try to tell trans stories. If you can tell the difference, you're already ahead of many.

[AmyUncharted]

Hi everyone  Gender queer lesbian here. Just thought I'd pop my head into this thread and say hello! This seems to be a very friendly environment and I like that. 

[Draegon (Liam P Boyle)]

Hi everyone [emoji4] Gender queer lesbian here. Just thought I'd pop my head into this thread and say hello! This seems to be a very friendly environment and I like that. 

Hello from the cis-gender, bisexual, pagan dude :-)

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[SolitaryOrchid]

8 hours ago, Fearkiller said:

Hmm. This is pretty random, but I'm writing a story where one of the cast is transgender (female-to-male). I know very little of what's it like, and it feels like I'm the proverbial bull in the china-shop =something big and clumsy among something intricate and complicated. Maybe sayings don't translate so well..

 

Would any of you know any resources to help me understand?

 

Thank you in advance ^-^

-Fearkiller

 

If you're a redditor I'd recommend the subreddit /r/asktransgender. You can get into your specific questions there and have a wide variety of answers. I am also available for questioning if you need.

[SolitaryOrchid]

18 hours ago, JMitch said:

 

Oh my goodness, that's awesome! I'm so happy for you!

 

Thanks! I'm so excited!

[Platzhalter]

On 22.8.2016 at 4:58 PM, SolitaryOrchid said:

For those of you who remember me, the trans man with the suddenly unsupportive husband, things have changed. He had a complete change of heart and today is the day I start testosterone! I'm super excited!

 

This makes me really, really happy for you - support from your loved ones is always something that helps a lot. Especially when those people change their mind on their former unsupportiveness.

[SolitaryOrchid]

Thanks! I just recently had my sister give a show of support too! I can't expect that from most of my family but I will definitely take it where I can get it.

[Phoenix91]

Hi everyone, just found this thread and i have skimmed more than actually read (i'm at work)

 

I'm a genderqueer bisexual here to get in shape.  It's been tough for me to get over the fact that even though i sometimes feel like a guy there's no way i'm going to get those lovely big muscles guys get :*(.  *sigh* oh well, I'll just have to make the body i have as strong as possible.

[SolitaryOrchid]

1 minute ago, Phoenix91 said:

Hi everyone, just found this thread and i have skimmed more than actually read (i'm at work)

 

I'm a genderqueer bisexual here to get in shape.  It's been tough for me to get over the fact that even though i sometimes feel like a guy there's no way i'm going to get those lovely big muscles guys get :*(.  *sigh* oh well, I'll just have to make the body i have as strong as possible.

 

Welcome! It's not impossible, there are plenty of dfab body builders. I get that it's not easy though. I struggled with that too pre-t and am finally making progress on it now that I'm on HRT so I totally get where you are coming from.

[AmyUncharted]

2 minutes ago, Phoenix91 said:

Hi everyone, just found this thread and i have skimmed more than actually read (i'm at work)

 

I'm a genderqueer bisexual here to get in shape.  It's been tough for me to get over the fact that even though i sometimes feel like a guy there's no way i'm going to get those lovely big muscles guys get :*(.  *sigh* oh well, I'll just have to make the body i have as strong as possible.

 

Hey there! I totally understand the bummer that is "no big muscles"...big shoulder muscles would be killer for me. 

[Phoenix91]

4 minutes ago, SolitaryOrchid said:

 

Welcome! It's not impossible, there are plenty of dfab body builders. I get that it's not easy though. I struggled with that too pre-t and am finally making progress on it now that I'm on HRT so I totally get where you are coming from.

 

Thanks.  I have a motivational calendar that is motivational quotes and pics of men with killer muscles; it motivates me but also makes me a little envious.  My twin brother has huge shoulders and arms from lifting and i'm totally jealous!  I've only just started really and am not into lifting even moderately light stuff yet but i'll keep at it, maybe i'll get some nice tone and *fingers crossed* some definition!

 

3 minutes ago, CloneClubber said:

 

Hey there! I totally understand the bummer that is "no big muscles"...big shoulder muscles would be killer for me. 

 

I had big shoulders when i was a kid, i was a competitive swimmer and had a tiny waist and these huge shoulders (i looked like captain 'dorito' america!); maybe i have it in me to have some muscle definition.  It's funny, all these books and wetsites that say "don't worry ladies, you won't get big"... um, maybe we want that!