LGBTQA and Ally Safe Space

[AwkwardOwl]

On 2/2/2017 at 9:59 AM, imprimis5 said:

 

Yeah, this was a conscious decision. We wanted to start this leg of our relationship journey on equal footing, if you will. When someone asks "Who proposed?" we can answer "We both did."

 

Congrats!!!!  My spouse and I also proposed to each other (on the same day) for similar reasons.  

[AwkwardOwl]

My name is Owl and I'm transmasculine.  I use he/him/his pronouns.  Losing weight and gaining muscle (in the right places) are important to me as I transition (socially for now, but I'm beginning to consider hormones).  Looking back on things, a lot of my weight gain has been related to depression -- and that depression related to suppressing my true self.  I've lost 70 pounds so far on my journey and I'm determined to make 2017 a year where I work on my health and happiness.

[Cataleya]

On 2/2/2017 at 11:59 AM, imprimis5 said:

 

Yeah, this was a conscious decision. We wanted to start this leg of our relationship journey on equal footing, if you will. When someone asks "Who proposed?" we can answer "We both did."

LKDJFASKDFJLKJ I LOVE THIS IDEA

 

On 2/9/2017 at 0:32 PM, AwkwardOwl said:

My name is Owl and I'm transmasculine.  I use he/him/his pronouns.  Losing weight and gaining muscle (in the right places) are important to me as I transition (socially for now, but I'm beginning to consider hormones).  Looking back on things, a lot of my weight gain has been related to depression -- and that depression related to suppressing my true self.  I've lost 70 pounds so far on my journey and I'm determined to make 2017 a year where I work on my health and happiness.

Welcome Owl! Good to have you.

 

 

 

Did anyone catch The Daily Show on Thursday? They were talking about the autobiography "Tranny: Confessions of Punk Rock's Most Infamous Anarchist Sellout" by the lead singer of Against Me!. I was wondering if anyone's had a chance to read it yet.

[Bolt451]

*waves*

 

Newly  (within the last yearish) out bi transwoman here. Happily bi, sometimes being open and trans stresses me out. 

 

Be proud of who you are everyone  

[JupiterStar]

Out-and-proud pansexual cislady here, dating a wonderful woman for seven years last month; we got engaged this Christmas finally, too  It's tricky though because a)we live in Japan and b)she's from Scotland, I'm from the US. We actually mostly moved to Japan because it was easier for both of us to get jobs here than it was for me to find work or go back to school for my phD in the UK, or for her to find work or come to school in the US. That's part of why we held off on getting engaged, too...between difficulty in visa approval for Brits to marry non-EU citizens, the aftermath of Brexit and possible Scottish independence, and all the issues with same-sex marriage visas in the US for the majority of our relationship, it'll be tricky. Luckily, now it isn't too tough to get a K1 intent-to-marry visa for the states, so fingers crossed things stay just sane enough for us to apply, get approved, and get legal...

[purplebug]

21 minutes ago, JupiterStar said:

Out-and-proud pansexual cislady here, dating a wonderful woman for seven years last month; we got engaged this Christmas finally, too  It's tricky though because a)we live in Japan and b)she's from Scotland, I'm from the US. We actually mostly moved to Japan because it was easier for both of us to get jobs here than it was for me to find work or go back to school for my phD in the UK, or for her to find work or come to school in the US. That's part of why we held off on getting engaged, too...between difficulty in visa approval for Brits to marry non-EU citizens, the aftermath of Brexit and possible Scottish independence, and all the issues with same-sex marriage visas in the US for the majority of our relationship, it'll be tricky. Luckily, now it isn't too tough to get a K1 intent-to-marry visa for the states, so fingers crossed things stay just sane enough for us to apply, get approved, and get legal...

I'm the other half!  I'm asexual and identify as a lesbian (and also cis). I love being able to say fiancee now, partly because verbally it's safely gender-neutral, so I don't have to come out (to people who don't understand) or erase my relationship whenever I talk to people about her  But mostly because it's really awesome to upgrade from girlfriend to fiancee  

[WhiningAndSealNoises]

Hey folks,

I go by Dee on this website and I'm a cisgender gay man (he/him) who has only been out for maybe four or five years.

I'm surprisingly passionate and informed about queer issues given the disconnect I've felt with the queer community here. I haven't really been much of an active participant in the queer community, other than engaging in a lot of conversations and friendships with other queer folks, which is something that I am both self-conscious about and something that I want to address in the near future. I know that a lot of "gay culture" is seen as being associated with things like bars, alcohol, partying and hook-up culture, which are things that I don't take part in, so I haven't really explored the community at large much.

There is definitely a distinct lack of exploration in regards to many aspects of my queerness. I haven't really taken the time to explore my own sense of masculinity and what I want my masculinity to be, which is odd considering how often I perceive myself as "failing" at being masculine. So I might need to take some time to explore my own gender, at least in regards to how I perform it and how I express it. I often imagine myself as becoming someone different than I am now, but I never really take the time to actually sit myself down and actually operationalize what I want or make it concrete.

I also have yet to actually pursue romantic relationships. Some of this definitely results from my body image issues, as I often don't see myself as "worthy" of relationships or as somebody who can actually be seen as "attractive". Then again, I also don't fully know how to pursue relationships; I can't exactly walk up to an attractive man and start flirting with him, because that is - frankly - a gamble... and not just in the "He's likely to be straight" way, but in the "Is he going to react poorly or even violently?" way...

So yeah, maybe I should take advantage of being here on NF as an avenue to explore some of the different aspects of my queerness and my relationships with myself and the queer community. It might be nice to actually take the time to do so...

[TheJaysFlight]

Eyyy I found a queer space in the rebellion! Neat!

 

Hi folks! I'm Jay, and I'm a person. Beyond that it all gets sort of complicated and question-marky. Gender? Sexuality? I don't know. I put the Q in the alphabet soup.

 

I'm doing a whole big life change involving weight loss, running, and bullet journaling. I've been sticking with it for about two and a half months, which is much, much longer than ever before. I'm more motivated than I've been in the past, I think, and I'm definitely going about it in a smarter way.

 

Anyway, hello, I love you, thanks for all the fish.

 

[FitChick_Maybe]

6 hours ago, TheJaysFlight said:

Hi folks! I'm Jay, and I'm a person. Beyond that it all gets sort of complicated and question-marky. Gender? Sexuality? I don't know. I put the Q in the alphabet soup.

I love this!!! I'm also a person. I haven't a clue what I would be called. All these damn labels and names have me confused. I was born a female, sometimes think I was meant to be a dude.....But don't intend to change my gender or identify as anything else. I am sexually attracted to both males and females, also some transgender folks. So, I have no idea what I would be considered. But the fact is: what I do with my genitals or the genitals of consenting sexual partners is no one else's business. Amiright?

 

Right now, though, I need some motivation to get my butt back in the gym. I stopped going while I was sick with the flu and now I can't get motivated again. Any advice?

[zeroh13]

5 hours ago, FitChick_Maybe said:

Right now, though, I need some motivation to get my butt back in the gym. I stopped going while I was sick with the flu and now I can't get motivated again. Any advice?

I've had some trouble with exercise motivation lately, and what I've done is brainstorm what super cool awesome adventures I want to have, and from there figure out what strength/skills I need to improve so I can go out and do those things.

 

Basically, have a big "WHY" you are passionate about, then when the motivation starts slipping again, remind yourself why you are doing this, why it is important to you.

 

But the key there is "you". Society tells us that we should be healthy, that we should look a certain way, etc. And I think a good deal of people struggle with sticking to a diet/exercise plan for more than a week or two because it's something they should do, not because it's something they want to do (and/or they have unrealistic expectations. Thank you, society.)

 

Also, it might take awhile to find a reason that really clicks. And our motivations can change over time. And sometimes having a big why doesn't help, because depression just eats up what little motivation we can muster (that's my experience at least, and another reason why I've been struggling).

[Wobbegong]

On 8/23/2012 at 9:56 AM, maggerson said:

This is not meant to exclude straight allies, hence the title. I just hope everyone can be respectful and maybe we can make this corner of the internet an even better place.

 

As an ace lady can I just say THANK YOU both for including A in your acronym title and for distinguishing "and Allies" as a separate thing? I grew up being taught that the A in LGBTQA stood for ally and that narrative really contributes to how invisible the asexual spectrum identities are. 

[Frost of the Gloaming]

I thought A stood for awesome because that's what we are.

 

 

[Ana Fini]

I'm so happy to find this thread here! 

Sometimes I wonder if there aren't any other gay ladys that love to exercise....but fortunately I'm wrong!

The more I see from the Nerd Fitness community the more I enjoy it!

[Basement Cat]

17 hours ago, Ana Fini said:

I'm so happy to find this thread here! 

Sometimes I wonder if there aren't any other gay ladys that love to exercise....but fortunately I'm wrong!

The more I see from the Nerd Fitness community the more I enjoy it!

We're a bit of a rare breed, aren't we? Welcome to the Rebellion!

[FoxerNova]

Someone told me about this thread and I thought that i should just drop by and say hello. So I'm just some trans lady with a newfound love for working out (got my first gym membership three days ago). I've recently been told by a few people that trans girls should not work out, because it's counter productive to being more feminine and to that i say SCREW THOSE GUYS! I mean look at people like Fallon Fox and Chloie Jönsson, they look amazing! You can read more about my headfirst plunge into fitness on my introduction post haha!

Just a random side-note, on friday I will start my consultation for getting on hormonal replacement therapy in the future, which is really exciting and makes me super happy!

[Wobbegong]

4 hours ago, FoxerNova said:

Someone told me about this thread and I thought that i should just drop by and say hello. So I'm just some trans lady with a newfound love for working out (got my first gym membership three days ago). I've recently been told by a few people that trans girls should not work out, because it's counter productive to being more feminine and to that i say SCREW THOSE GUYS! I mean look at people like Fallon Fox and Chloie Jönsson, they look amazing! You can read more about my headfirst plunge into fitness on my introduction post haha!

Just a random side-note, on friday I will start my consultation for getting on hormonal replacement therapy in the future, which is really exciting and makes me super happy!

 

Welcome to Nerd Fitness and CONGRATULATIONS!!! 

[A Grue]

Removed.  Not read for that to be public yet.

[zeroh13]

A question (or several) for those who bind their chest:

 

Do you bind while exercising/jogging/etc? If not, does it limit where you feel comfortable doing these things? If you do, do you think it limits your performance or how hard you can push yourself?

 

 

I love where I exercise (at a playground), but I'd never leave home without binding. It starts getting really miserable as it gets hotter though, and it feels like I don't have much of a choice. I'd also like to jog, but binding and jogging never works out for me. Years ago, I'd jog in a sports bra, but I had to do it in the early morning when it was still dark, and that has its own level of miserableness. Plus I'd get really paranoid that one of my neighbors would see me. (I called it my ninja training. I was only able to keep it up for a couple months.)

[Kage]

Okay, so my lifestyle quest this month is to not nag my husband. The long story short is that a few months ago, while stressed about some truly wild things going on with school,  he said that he wasn't actually gay-- that although he likes boys and doesn't like girls, all he's ever really wanted is to be normal. He took it back a fw days later and explained how bad things were with school and that, when he's depressed, his sexual orientaiton seems like the obvious culprit. If that one thing could change, so would his anxiety and depression. Needless to say, this completely spiked my anxiety and had me going over every single thing I've ever said or done. I've been asking him literally daily if he's really gay, how he knows he's gay and that he didn't just feel pressured to enter into a relationship with me because we were such close friends, etc. Again, needless to say, it's only putting a wedge into our relationship that makes it feel as though we're waiting for the next shoe to drop. Either he's not really gay and we're just pretending, or else my anxiety is going to convince me as much and ultimately destroy our relationship, anyway.

 

By not interrogating him and instead having a thoughtful, polite dialogue, I learned today that when I ask him point blank if he's gay, the question itself reminds him of all the times his family told him he wasn't allowed to be gay, that they didn't raise a homosexual for a son, he was too stupid and too weak to know himself... all that stuff. He basically feels as though there's a right and a wrong answer and *insert deer-in-the-headlights-reaction.*

 

I guess I should say that he's always maintained that he is gay. He's very fluid with calling me his husband, saying he likes boys, that kind of thing. He just freaked out once a few months ago and it put me into a catastrophic tailspin. Not nagging him might actually result in me getting past my anxiety a little bit and, you know, not completely destroying our relationship.

 

Thanks, NerdFitnes, for helping me be a better me. I love this place.

[Severine]

@Kage that sounds super stressful. I deal with anxiety too and I can totally see why that'd be a huge stressor. I can say that, for me, often indulging my anxiety (like, for example, by constantly asking your husband for reassurance) often just makes it worse. Because the problem is that anxiety makes us want 100% perfect certainty in order to feel safe, and that level of certainty is always impossible, so when you ask and get the answer you wanted but don't feel reassured, it just ends up feeling worse.

 

So yeah, I agree that not asking for reassurances that won't help you anyway is a good idea. Have you thought about seeing a queer-friendly couple's counsellor? 

 

Another suggestion if your schedules allow is to take regular time together just as fun quality time. Like a date night or a fun outing day or whatever. Even if it's only a couple of times a month. Build memories together, share experiences, remind each other of why you're together. When we live with other people and have the day to day routine of work and maintaining a household it can be easy to fall into a rut. Intentional quality time can sound cheesy but often it's those moments when you're kayaking together or walking around at a local festival or whatever that you are reminded of why you're so crazy about this other person.

[Kae]

Hey ya'll,

 

I just found this! Nice to meet you all, I'm currently identifying as lesbian/queer and non-binary/butch. With fitness, my shorter term goals are a pull-up but my long-term goal is to pick up and carry my partner. I'm about 5 feet tall and, meanwhile, she's 5'8" and around 40 lbs. heavier than me. I can hold her for one shaky step but...that's not quite enough. Anyway, just dropping in to say hello and how excited I am to see other LGBTQIA2+ nerds.

[Cam-Beul]

Seeing this thread makes me so, so happy and relieved.

 

I'm super gay, and unfortunately ftm (part of the reason I avoided working out for a long time is because I loathe my body). This is probably the only time I'll openly acknowledge this fact on here, because its nothing something I'm happy about.

 

On the upside, my fiance is my workout partner and has been the main thing to make me even try to tolerate myself, and basically, he's wonderful. 

[Ratynda]

Man am I happy to have stumbled upon this.

 

Hey y'all! I'm a gay man living in the baptist south, and I know many of y'all might relate. I'm so glad this thread exists, cause I feel like there is a unique struggle, especially mentally, to find a perfect balance of leveling up your fitness. I can't wait to get to know y'all!

[Basement Cat]

On 7/11/2017 at 10:44 PM, Kage said:

Okay, so my lifestyle quest this month is to not nag my husband. The long story short is that a few months ago, while stressed about some truly wild things going on with school,  he said that he wasn't actually gay-- that although he likes boys and doesn't like girls, all he's ever really wanted is to be normal. He took it back a few days later and explained how bad things were with school and that, when he's depressed, his sexual orientation seems like the obvious culprit.*snipped for space*

 

Hey Kage. I can relate to what your husband is feeling. I've dealt with the same  and it is often caused by feelings of worthlessness or frustration and an antagonistic family doesn't help.

 

When he is feeling like that, it's likely that he isn't happy with himself and it has little if anything to do with you or something you did. It seems school is a major culprit in his stress (is he a student or teacher?).  I know it's not easy, but the best thing you can do is tell him that you love him and that you are there for him no matter what. When he is feeling weak you have to be strong for him as well as yourself.

 

Be patient with him. Be loving and understanding.  Be brave, and if you need to talk you can always PM me.

 

P.S.

Little gestures go a very long way. A little note with his lunch or something like that (go get 'em tiger!) would cheer him up, I'm sure.  

[Captainlaurie]

Hey everybody! I've been reading the NF blogs for years and I think I'm hitting the point where I'm ready to join the Academy...but something that stopped me from pulling the trigger today was that I have to say whether I identify as a man or a woman. Here's a little about me: I'm a queer-identified cisgender female, but although I don't consider myself completely nonbinary, I'm largely gender nonconforming - I don't wear any items of clothing that are made for women (except a sports bra) and usually when asked my gender on a survey or form, I decline to identify because marketing that is targeted by gender is always super wrong for me. I'm not trans or anything, I'm fine with being female as long as nobody tries to make me act or look like what society typically considers women to be.

 

I know that I'll need support and encouragement on this journey from people who are going through the same thing, but I'm worried about getting sorted into a Facebook group only for women, since that might not really be the right fit for me. Does anybody have any insight?

 

Thanks in advance!