LGBTQA and Ally Safe Space

[wednesdave]

Hi everyone!

So happy to see this thread. It's not that I was expecting to find homophobia on this forum--it's just that finding other LBGTQA people feels good. I mean, that's what makes a forum awesome...shared experience.

And while fitness and sexuality might not seem like they are totally related, I think for some people they can be all tangled up together. One of the reasons I've shied away from organized things like fitness classes and team sports is that, in my head, they're all still linked to that confusing mess that is being a gay kid on a high school sports team. I've worked out alone ever since...but would like to find some way to have a team/community again.

[Ravn]

Hey y'all <3

Another ally here! I identify as Bi, but I fell in love with and married a man. The most difficult time we've had re: sexuality is trying to convince people at Pagan festivals (he's Pagan, I'm an Atheist) that no, we don't want to be poly, and no, we are not "unenlightened" because we are monogamous, lol.

[Artinum]

Hey y'all <3

Another ally here! I identify as Bi, but I fell in love with and married a man. The most difficult time we've had re: sexuality is trying to convince people at Pagan festivals (he's Pagan, I'm an Atheist) that no, we don't want to be poly, and no, we are not "unenlightened" because we are monogamous, lol.

What a wonderfully unusual arrangement! I'm almost jealous.

As someone who spent a few years being quite slutty, I think settling down and getting over the whole thing IS enlightened.

[cob]

Glad to see this thread exists! Nerd Fitness is ALL about supporting each other through the good, the bad, and the ugly! And I believe that extends into personal lives (as some monks will undoubtedly attest to - we shareses pretty openly). In the spirit of sharing sexuality, you can add me to the Bisexuals list (according to my parents, because of a high stress pregnancy... science is fun ).

I don't entirely see the relevance of sexuality to fitness but, It's awesome that the rebellion has a thread specifically dedicated to the LGBT crowd (or BGLT for those of you with OCD.... CDO). Although, now that I think about it, I think I will ask that question...

Do you feel your sexuality affects your fitness goals? If so, how does it affect you? I'm sure it affects body image to some degree but, does it actually affect you when it comes to choosing challenge goals, for example? For me, it doesn't but then, nobody's sexuality affects me in the slightest. Sexuality and personality are not causative of each other. Their interrelation is more a product of culture than either, I think. Question two, what do you think about that? How connected are personality and sexuality (not gender identity which is obviously connected to personality)

well, I planned to just write that one sentence but... oh well!

[maggerson]

I don't entirely see the relevance of sexuality to fitness but, It's awesome that the rebellion has a thread specifically dedicated to the LGBT crowd (or BGLT for those of you with OCD.... CDO). Although, now that I think about it, I think I will ask that question...

Do you feel your sexuality affects your fitness goals? If so, how does it affect you? I'm sure it affects body image to some degree but, does it actually affect you when it comes to choosing challenge goals, for example?

I'm way glad you didn't say "GBLT" because then I would be super hungry.

Anyway, for me, my fitness goals aren't really influenced or affected by my sexual orientation, but I do often get the, "Oh, you're a lesbian and a powerlifter? Of course you are!" kind of conversations that honestly rub me the wrong way. I didn't pick weightlifting or being fit because I'm gay, and it really rubs me the wrong way when that's the assumption that seems to get made. I mean, it just sucks when the only response to the sports or fitness activities I've been involved with (soccer, rugby, and weightlifting) are all apparently extra-super-stereotypical. This is actually a really interesting question; I'm curious to see what other people's responses are.

Big welcome to our new subscriber allies! You're all wonderful and thank you!

[Artinum]

Do you feel your sexuality affects your fitness goals? If so, how does it affect you? I'm sure it affects body image to some degree but, does it actually affect you when it comes to choosing challenge goals, for example?

No, not in that sense. I'm more inclined towards gaining some definition because I'm a little shallow (who isn't?) and because I rather like the idea of enjoying what I see in the mirror. (Would I sleep with myself if I could travel through time or be cloned? Definitely yes. I'd jump the chance to find out first hand what that would be like.)

If anything, my homosexuality somewhat delayed my fitness. I started with the gym when I was at university and lasted a few weeks. I didn't last too long at the karate sessions either. Partly because I was terrible in both, but a good deal of it was feeling self-conscious while surrounded by lots of semi-naked fit men. It was most uncomfortable - especially early on, before I realised I was gay, when I didn't even know why I was uncomfortable.

These days I'm older and much more confident in myself, and I just don't give a crap. I'd probably need to restrain the urge to flirt.

[cob]

I'm way glad you didn't say "GBLT" because then I would be super hungry.

This made me LOL!

It's funny that people think that way about powerlifting and soccer. I always thought powerlifting was more for women who weren't concerned about getting laid (borderline asexual, maybe?) but I guess I think of the Ms Bodybuilders and not just a generally fit woman. As for soccer... That just doesn't even make sense to me! Since when does a sport equate to a sexuality? But it could also be that soccer is the only ball-based sport (no pun intended) that I can get into. All the rest have some major flaw to me. Football (american) is all rock paper scissors to me. Basket ball is alright but, its too squeaky. Hockey is okay but, i don't like that we encourage straight up violence through it. Shuffling... No offense Canadians but, I can't even PRETEND it's exciting to me. But, the point is, I don't get how sports became Identified with sexuality.

No, not in that sense. I'm more inclined towards gaining some definition because I'm a little shallow (who isn't?) and because I rather like the idea of enjoying what I see in the mirror. (Would I sleep with myself if I could travel through time or be cloned? Definitely yes. I'd jump the chance to find out first hand what that would be like.)

If anything, my homosexuality somewhat delayed my fitness. I started with the gym when I was at university and lasted a few weeks. I didn't last too long at the karate sessions either. Partly because I was terrible in both, but a good deal of it was feeling self-conscious while surrounded by lots of semi-naked fit men. It was most uncomfortable - especially early on, before I realised I was gay, when I didn't even know why I was uncomfortable.

These days I'm older and much more confident in myself, and I just don't give a crap. I'd probably need to restrain the urge to flirt.

I get why that would be awkward but, by the same token, potentially more fun! I say, why restrain? I mean... you have to, I just don't see why If guys can flirt with gym girls, why not other gym guys? Double standards man... As for the sleeping with a clone... I think anyone who says they wouldn't is a LIAR! when would you ever get that chance again? come on now...

i'm different in that i don't have a 'shallow' reason for trying to get a little more solid looking. The aesthetics is more of a bonus to me. For me, I think of it as a gauge of health. When I have a certain physique, I will be what I deem to be healthy, in my prime, etc.

Interesting thoughts guys! I hope more respond!

[Ravn]

What a wonderfully unusual arrangement! I'm almost jealous.

As someone who spent a few years being quite slutty, I think settling down and getting over the whole thing IS enlightened.

oh, my wonderful slutty years, lol.

It's fun sometimes to tease my husband that I've slept with more women that he has, LMAO!

[Artinum]

oh, my wonderful slutty years, lol.

It's fun sometimes to tease my husband that I've slept with more women that he has, LMAO!

I've probably slept with more men than he has, too.

It's funny that people think that way about powerlifting and soccer. I always thought powerlifting was more for women who weren't concerned about getting laid (borderline asexual, maybe?) but I guess I think of the Ms Bodybuilders and not just a generally fit woman. As for soccer... That just doesn't even make sense to me!!

Well, sometimes the stereotypes actually exist. The LGBT group at my university was co-chaired by one man and one woman. She was exactly the lesbian that the popular press would imagine. She was short and dumpy, drank pints of Guinness in the evening and just happened to be the captain of the university's women's football (soccer) team. She ticked every box! The irony is that, if I created such a character in a novel, no-one would believe it.

[Ravn]

yeah, his number for guys is 0. LMAO.

My sister is a lipstick lesbian. All girly and frilly and makeupy. Whereas I prefer jeans and Grateful Dead tees. In fact, when she came out, tons of people said to me "oh, we thought it would be you" No no, I'm lazy, not lesbian. They both start with "l" but that's it, lol

[cob]

I've probably slept with more men than he has, too.

Well, sometimes the stereotypes actually exist. The LGBT group at my university was co-chaired by one man and one woman. She was exactly the lesbian that the popular press would imagine. She was short and dumpy, drank pints of Guinness in the evening and just happened to be the captain of the university's women's football (soccer) team. She ticked every box! The irony is that, if I created such a character in a novel, no-one would believe it.

That's so true! People would be like "he didn't put any effort into making this character realistic!" I guess those stereotypes do exist, otherwise they wouldn't become stereotypes but, I still don't see a connection between soocer/futbal, and lesbianism haha. Oh well I guess.

yeah, his number for guys is 0. LMAO.

My sister is a lipstick lesbian. All girly and frilly and makeupy. Whereas I prefer jeans and Grateful Dead tees. In fact, when she came out, tons of people said to me "oh, we thought it would be you" No no, I'm lazy, not lesbian. They both start with "l" but that's it, lol

See, that's the kind of girl I'm attractedto in the first place. Low-maintenance PUHLEEZE! I've never once thought it was remotely lesbianish... Guys... Am I missing something here? because it seems like there are alot of assumptions between style and sexuality to most peopel that i'm completely in the dark on! WHAT HAVE I DONE WRONG!!>?!?!

Oh, we thought it would be you! I lolled. *like*

[Artinum]

See, that's the kind of girl I'm attracted to in the first place. Low-maintenance PUHLEEZE! I've never once thought it was remotely lesbianish... Guys... Am I missing something here? because it seems like there are a lot of assumptions between style and sexuality to most people that I'm completely in the dark on! WHAT HAVE I DONE WRONG!!>?!?!

Nothing wrong. It's easier to think about it as advertising - if you're trying to attract a mate, you need to put on the right display. How these styles of pitching came about we have no idea, but that's what we have and it takes time and effort to change them. Sure, they're stereotypes. Yeah, they don't necessarily match your own interests and personality. But successful advertisements are not usually subtle. They're about getting an idea, fully formed, into someone's head before they realise it isn't their idea. Using stereotypes and cultural tropes is a great form of shorthand.

On the plus side, this means that if you're a complicated kinda person, it takes a similarly complicated kinda person to figure out what you're selling.

[Tkal]

See, that's the kind of girl I'm attractedto in the first place. Low-maintenance PUHLEEZE! I've never once thought it was remotely lesbianish... Guys... Am I missing something here? because it seems like there are alot of assumptions between style and sexuality to most peopel that i'm completely in the dark on! WHAT HAVE I DONE WRONG!!>?!?!

I think the assumption is more in the link between gender role and sexuality. And this is something enforced onto us since before birth. For me it was quite a jump when I managed to disentangled genitals from gender from social role from sexual attraction and I see so many people that still thinks in a strict binary system. And even if in their "binary system" you could be homosexual, then you must be effeminate if male, butch if female. Tertium non datur. But then this open the following issue: in a couple there must be a male and a female, and thus every gay man is effeminate if alone, but in a couple one must be a macho. Same goes for lesbians, lipstick lesbians exist only when paired with butches. How to complicate life....

Anyway, I agree on the low maintenance partner (although my wife says she is not.... let's say she requires a different kind of maintenance?)

About women lifters, in my mind they are more like Staci. And she is HOT. And this makes me think: I see Staci as hot, and also the guys I go climbing with are (especially the good climbers). But it is not a "sexual hotness", I am not sexually attracted to them, they are just pleasant to watch. How does this fit with the model above? It doesn't, probably, and I do not care while I keep enjoying the company (and the show)

[cob]

i'm gonna respond more in detail when i get off work but, i just want to second that Staci is HOT!

[Kristen]

About women lifters, in my mind they are more like Staci. And she is HOT. And this makes me think: I see Staci as hot, and also the guys I go climbing with are (especially the good climbers). But it is not a "sexual hotness", I am not sexually attracted to them, they are just pleasant to watch. How does this fit with the model above? It doesn't, probably, and I do not care while I keep enjoying the company (and the show)

That's the "A" part of the acronym. For most people, attraction is either sexual or non-sexual, depending on the person and situation. For some people, it's not sexual, ever, or rarely. And of course anything and everything in between. In our hyper-sexual culture, admitting someone is attractive implies (not intentionally in most cases) that you want to have sex with them. Starting a romantic relationship implies that you are going to have sex with them.

I find all kinds of people beautiful, but I don't want to have sex with them. I identify as cis-female, (more or less) heterosexual, I'm romantically attracted to men, have relationships with men, but my attractions are almost never sexual. It's just not on my radar.

[boxerrebel]

You can count me in as a straight ally! (or, technically, I hang out somewhere on the asexual spectrum, but form hetero romantic attachments.)

Since it's on my mind today: reminder, now that the Salvation Army bell ringers are out and about for the season, that the SA is not LGBT-friendly as an organization. Something to keep in mind when deciding whether or not to donate.

[weirdquark]

Nothing wrong. It's easier to think about it as advertising - if you're trying to attract a mate, you need to put on the right display. How these styles of pitching came about we have no idea, but that's what we have and it takes time and effort to change them. Sure, they're stereotypes. Yeah, they don't necessarily match your own interests and personality. But successful advertisements are not usually subtle. They're about getting an idea, fully formed, into someone's head before they realise it isn't their idea. Using stereotypes and cultural tropes is a great form of shorthand.

On the plus side, this means that if you're a complicated kinda person, it takes a similarly complicated kinda person to figure out what you're selling.

Gender performance is great advertising if people interpret your performance in the way you want them to. I figure that if I'm putting people off by what I wear or my haircut or anything else about my preferred appearance then they aren't people I want to be dating/hanging out with anyway. It's an excellent filter.

[Tkal]

That's the "A" part of the acronym. For most people, attraction is either sexual or non-sexual, depending on the person and situation. For some people, it's not sexual, ever, or rarely. And of course anything and everything in between. In our hyper-sexual culture, admitting someone is attractive implies (not intentionally in most cases) that you want to have sex with them. Starting a romantic relationship implies that you are going to have sex with them.

Holy sprouts! I feel like I am collecting letters! I have the Q since always (which most of the time was "the weirdo"), then it was the L, then the T (did I drop the L then?) and now A? Am I getting also a B since in my eyes physical hotness is genderless? Which letter do I get for being attracted more to brains than bodies? Z for zombie maybe?

Should I change my race to zombie dwarf and the quote in the signature with "Brains..."?

[weirdquark]

Holy sprouts! I feel like I am collecting letters! I have the Q since always (which most of the time was "the weirdo"), then it was the L, then the T (did I drop the L then?) and now A? Am I getting also a B since in my eyes physical hotness is genderless? Which letter do I get for being attracted more to brains than bodies? Z for zombie maybe?

Should I change my race to zombie dwarf and the quote in the signature with "Brains..."?

If physical hotness is genderless, you may wish to get a P for pansexual, though it's your box so you can use whatever letter makes the most sense to you.

[catspaw]

Holy sprouts! I feel like I am collecting letters!

True fact: once you collect them all, you can cash them in for a prize!

[Kristen]

Holy sprouts! I feel like I am collecting letters! I have the Q since always (which most of the time was "the weirdo"), then it was the L, then the T (did I drop the L then?) and now A? Am I getting also a B since in my eyes physical hotness is genderless? Which letter do I get for being attracted more to brains than bodies? Z for zombie maybe?

Should I change my race to zombie dwarf and the quote in the signature with "Brains..."?

Actually my point was that non-sexual attraction or "hotness" is totally normal, everyone experiences it. Some more than others. Some people all of the time, or none of the time, and the entire spectrum in between. But we're so conditioned to think that everyone is fully sexual, all the time, so that's why it's important to have a label for people who don't experience sexual attraction or drive--to reinforce that it IS normal and ok. My last post was kind of bumbling and didn't really make that point.

[nightlight]

True fact: once you collect them all, you can cash them in for a prize!

a toaster?

[catspaw]

a toaster?

[Artinum]

Which letter do I get for being attracted more to brains than bodies? Z for zombie maybe?

Should I change my race to zombie dwarf and the quote in the signature with "Brains..."?

Depends - if you're attracted to intelligence, you're a sapiosexual (which would warrant an S).

If you really just like the feel of squishy head-flesh and the sensation of cerebral fluids dribbling down your warm thighs... erm... sorry, where was I?

[leadchipmunk]

You can count me in as a straight ally! (or, technically, I hang out somewhere on the asexual spectrum, but form hetero romantic attachments.)

Since it's on my mind today: reminder, now that the Salvation Army bell ringers are out and about for the season, that the SA is not LGBT-friendly as an organization. Something to keep in mind when deciding whether or not to donate.

I never knew that about the SA. How are they not LGBT-friendly?