Laini gives it (yet another) shot

[llsoszynski@gmail.com]

Long story short, I’m at it again in hopes of actually completing a challenge with all of my goals achieved for once .

Goal #1 Bring on the training:

Squat- 155lbs-->180lbs

Power Clean and Jerk- 110lbs-->135lbs

Deadlift- 180lbs-->210lbs

Run (distance or sprints) 3x a week at minimum, BW workout after 1 run per week minimum.

Continue incorporating BW exercises into workouts (dips, pullups, pushups, boxjumps, ect).

(+4 STR)(+4 STA)

Goal #2 Let’s get lean:

Carb cycle & Intermittent fasting- Planning on a cycle of 4 days low carb (<100g’s) followed by a carb reefed (about 300-400g’s) followed by another 4 day cycle, ect. This will be modified based off of how my body responds. This will also be coupled with IF of an 11-8pm feeding window. Supplements will include creatine, whey, fish oil, and BCAA’s. Severely limit dairy and gluten.

Find out my current BF% (last time was 19%), set goal based on this.

(+2 DEX)(+2 CHA)

Goal #3 $$$$$

Follow a rough budget;

• Tip money is free game- I can spend it on whatever I please

• Paycheck from the bagel shop (2nd job) is to buy groceries and other necessities, will be the only money I will be spending

• Debit card (hubby and my joint account, also where my 1st job’s pay gets sent) shall be used only for gasoline (and stuff he asks me to buy, or we need to invest in, if that is the case).

Any paycheck that I do not need to cash/have lots of cash left over at the end of this challenge will be put away into our savings account (or used to buy an awesome xmas gift for the man )

Reasoning for budgeting is because we just bought a ticket for me to fly back to South Korea (thanks to my goals from the last challenge!) for Christmas and definitely still have some damage to repair, but not all that much. Still need hotel rooms and Christmas gifts and such too. Have to remind myself why I got my second (third?) job!

(+2 WIS)

Goal #4

Finish my scrapbook. Okay, start it too. Been talking about it since I got back from South Korea, and still haven’t even purchased a book to begin with. By the end of the challenge I will have my scrapbook done.

(+1 WIS)

The majority of my workouts will be tracked on my workout log, but I will post updates and vent sessions here as applicable. I'm currently in the process of looking for some sort of coach to help me out with my eating, so if that happens my goals will shift based on the advice they have to give. Also going to continue to learn as much as I can about everything that I can. I want to know it all, and it kills me that it'll never happen. Also considering broadening my horizons with some food addicts in recovery sessions, but this is not a goal and is not going to be graded, just considered as something I would like to experience.

Letssssss get it onnnnn!

ps- I can't wait till I can put goals like "x amount of dates with the hubby per week" type stuff. ya'll are so cute it makes me jealous. only 159 more days till he's home!

[Caution]

Great goals! Good luck on the challenge and hope the time flies by so you can see your husband again. My wife is out of the country for 4-5 months straight a year normally so I know what you mean by the date challenge stuff.

[weirdquark]

At least when your life keeps you from finishing the challenge it does so in awesome ways, right?

What do you want to learn about next?

[catspaw]

Carb cycle & Intermittent fasting- Planning on a cycle of 4 days low carb (<100g’s) followed by a carb reefed (about 300-400g’s) followed by another 4 day cycle, ect. This will be modified based off of how my body responds. This will also be coupled with IF of an 11-8pm feeding window. Supplements will include creatine, whey, fish oil, and BCAA’s. Severely limit dairy and gluten.

Interesting. Will be watching; curious to see how workout recovery plays with the many low carb days. Let us all know how it goes!

[llsoszynski@gmail.com]

Great goals! Good luck on the challenge and hope the time flies by so you can see your husband again. My wife is out of the country for 4-5 months straight a year normally so I know what you mean by the date challenge stuff.

Ugh it sucks so bad doesn't it? Just makes you more thankful for the time you do get with them though.

At least when your life keeps you from finishing the challenge it does so in awesome ways, right?

What do you want to learn about next?

Haha, I guess you're right! I can't complain about going to jump out of helicopters and getting free access at the DNC for working security .

I just want to learn everything!! Haha, but really I looked into physiology classes, I want to know the science of exercise and the cost of repairing muscles and all that jazz. I would love to take a nutrition class too, but I know it'll all be conventional wisdom telling us to eat 8 servings of pasta a day, ugh. It was hard enough reading through my personal trainer cert book.

Interesting. Will be watching; curious to see how workout recovery plays with the many low carb days. Let us all know how it goes!

I will definitely be keeping track! I've been tracking a massive cut for the past week and a half or so on my workout log (link in signature), and already noticing lack of gains (easy gains, i guess) and very lethargic days, but the BW is going down, so that's good. That's one of the reason my weight lifting goals are so conservative this challenge, because of the cut I plan on being on. (unless I get a coach that tells me otherwise!)

[70Kel]

Good luck Laini, I will check in regularly, enjoy your write ups and reading ya challenges!

[llsoszynski@gmail.com]

Good luck Laini, I will check in regularly, enjoy your write ups and reading ya challenges!

Thanks kel! I found your thread earlier too .

Update- found out my BF% is 19 still/again. Bonus points if I drop a % .

[70Kel]

Thanks kel! I found your thread earlier too .

Update- found out my BF% is 19 still/again. Bonus points if I drop a % .

19% is really good, mine was 33% six months ago, don't know now but prob around 25-30%.

Thinking of spending $ on one of those bf scans but might save my $ & just keep doing the clothes getting looser thingy:)

You are really focussed on lean eating & I can see you dropping bf quite quickly, my diet is ok but only just....

[llsoszynski@gmail.com]

19% is really good, mine was 33% six months ago, don't know now but prob around 25-30%.

Thinking of spending $ on one of those bf scans but might save my $ & just keep doing the clothes getting looser thingy:)

You are really focussed on lean eating & I can see you dropping bf quite quickly, my diet is ok but only just....

Ehh my diet isn't great, especially since I just started working at this damn bagel shop. I should have made it a challenge goal to avoid eating the bagels/scones/muffins/cookies/brownies/breads/ect at all costs, but i figured if I limit carb intake this will happen on its own. I really need to put my mind to it.

The whole clothes getting looser thing is a great way to tell BF . I don't think you should invest in one of the measuring devices, you may become mildly obsessed with it, just like some people do with a scale (which I recently invested in, ho hum).

[70Kel]

Ehh my diet isn't great, especially since I just started working at this damn bagel shop. I should have made it a challenge goal to avoid eating the bagels/scones/muffins/cookies/brownies/breads/ect at all costs, but i figured if I limit carb intake this will happen on its own. I really need to put my mind to it.

The whole clothes getting looser thing is a great way to tell BF . I don't think you should invest in one of the measuring devices, you may become mildly obsessed with it, just like some people do with a scale (which I recently invested in, ho hum).

Hey something I noticed in the last challenge, I did a 5 day high protein (Keto) diet & I found I struggled to eat all the daily intake of food, even though it wasn't much food. So I'm thinking I don't eat enough & have put myself in starvation mode. Although I'm pretty much 90% primal I'm going to start eating more carbs (like adding a piece of bread a day/some rice) and see how I go.

[llsoszynski@gmail.com]

Hey something I noticed in the last challenge, I did a 5 day high protein (Keto) diet & I found I struggled to eat all the daily intake of food, even though it wasn't much food. So I'm thinking I don't eat enough & have put myself in starvation mode. Although I'm pretty much 90% primal I'm going to start eating more carbs (like adding a piece of bread a day/some rice) and see how I go.

I try that on my low carb days, eating just protein. That's mainly why my caloric intake for the last week+ has been barely 1200, because my attempt at solely protein. Its really hard to get a good caloric intake and decent protein levels.

You'll definitely get feel like you have more energy when you start eating more carbs. I've been pretty dead these last couple weeks cause my less than 100g a day carb intake. living off caffeine. I'm actually kinda scared about my carb refeed tomorrow because i hope my body knows what to do with it since its been so long since i've had over 300g's of carbs. then again, i hope i can actually HIT 300g's!

So tomorrow is day 1 of the challenge and my planned refeed. I'm hoping to hit just over 2000 calories (daily for the past week and a half has been about 1000-1200) with about 300g's of carbs, ideally 140g protein. My plan is to make pancakes!! But plans are made to be changed so we'll see how that goes.

I beat myself up in my workout today and my legs are feeling it from an intense run session (log on workout log thread). Tomorrow is deadlift day in which i will begin my slow progression of deloading from my 200lb PR to redo lb's 175 and up. Sucky thing about tomorrow is I won't workout till the afternoon so it'll be in the fed state, first time doing this in a while too. I bet I will be fine, just hate when my body gets used to something and then I go and change it up again.

Tuesday will probably end up being a rest day because I'm going to be working early till late and not get home till really late. If I have the opportunity I will try to go for atleast a run, but eating for tuesday is going to be extremely minimal on carbs.

The rest of the week looks good though in the whole workout sense. Don't know my work schedule for the bagel shop yet but I'm assuming its a few closing shifts and atleast 1 day off (that I am looking forward to immensely), which I can easily work with. On my next day off I plan to go look at scrapbooking stuffs.

and fin for now.

[llsoszynski@gmail.com]

Also, found my BF%. My BF is back to 19% (not sure if it ever changed, but I feel like it did since I gained a good 6 lbs.

The lean out portion of this challenge- I know I wont be able to drop much BF, but I would like to see atleast a change of some sort in the right direction by the end of the challenge (18% would be ideal). I don't have much to lose, so I can't expect to see too much of a drop.

H/W as of a few weeks ago-

Height 68"

weight 157 (159 at highest..)

Now

Height 68

Weight 151 (yay)

Goal Weight- Ideally would be 145, but don't know how realistic that is to be gaining muscle and lifts

[concretecavewoman]

Killer lifting goals. As a silver lining, your challenge interruptions seem to be consistently pretty epic.

[70Kel]

Interesting your low carb then high carb days...hmmm....I am going to up the carbs this week & see how I go, I'm away for hockey so will be doing lots of exercise & still aim to get my weight training in.

18% is achievable I reckon, how do you know your 19% BF?

[goodwince]

Definitely wish you good luck on gaining while low carbing. How many days a week do you plan on lifting? Are these 1 RM goals? You get near your goals quickly you could essentially just shoot for 5/10 pounds on refeed days and then maintain on the other days. I'm not doubting you can do it with your determination, but I want to remind you that if you miss something to be patient or up the food intake lol.

So you're going for the Clean and Jerk now aigh? Powerclean not enough for ya?

Ah a coach for food huh? What's the plan for that?

And I can completely agree with your rant on learning. Learning is something we all want to do more of and can never get enough. It blows.. I want to know everything. I always feel like I'm lagging behind others lol. That's what I get however for comparing myself to those around me.

[PrincessHeather]

Great goals again.... good luck with the scrapbook, my similar goal from last challenge got done on the last day haha.

Also, 159 days! You're in the home stretch!!!!

[llsoszynski@gmail.com]

Killer lifting goals. As a silver lining, your challenge interruptions seem to be consistently pretty epic.

Haha, thank you concretecavewoman. I spose you're right and I shouldn't be beating myself up over my lost challenges.

Interesting your low carb then high carb days...hmmm....I am going to up the carbs this week & see how I go, I'm away for hockey so will be doing lots of exercise & still aim to get my weight training in.

18% is achievable I reckon, how do you know your 19% BF?

Up your carbs to mirror your lifting for the best results (better muscle recovery, bigger gains ect). Definitely suggest it, just don't go super crazy. I asked some lady at my gym to measure my BF% for me. She used the electric hand gripper things but I was hoping she'd use the calipers because I know they're more accurate. Either way, I'll take the 19% measurement!

Definitely wish you good luck on gaining while low carbing. How many days a week do you plan on lifting? Are these 1 RM goals? You get near your goals quickly you could essentially just shoot for 5/10 pounds on refeed days and then maintain on the other days. I'm not doubting you can do it with your determination, but I want to remind you that if you miss something to be patient or up the food intake lol.

So you're going for the Clean and Jerk now aigh? Powerclean not enough for ya?

Ah a coach for food huh? What's the plan for that?

And I can completely agree with your rant on learning. Learning is something we all want to do more of and can never get enough. It blows.. I want to know everything. I always feel like I'm lagging behind others lol. That's what I get however for comparing myself to those around me.

Haha, thank you, I need to be constantly reminded that I am only human before the weights remind me in a worse way . Those are 1RM for the DL (200#), but the others are working sets. For the most part that's my idea, to go for increasing the weights on refeed days and maintaining on cut days.

I totally thought clean and jerk was the same as powerclean? Either way I totally meant the same thing And coach, well, if I could work with one I feel like it would help me and my willpower towards keeping on a program to see results past what I've already seen. Too bad the husband doesn't think I need one and neither of us really want to invest in one so I think I'm on my own. I did get a good book for my kindle called The Science of Willpower by some Dr PhD guy which is proving to be somewhat worth my time so far , its helped me remember my goals and such and is keeping me on track for the most part.

And yeah, the learning part kills me. I did get to do some training today with the state bomb squad and some FBI guys again. I LOVE training days like these, always broadening my knowledge in not only the field but with what others have going for them, how to get to where they are, ect. Networking, as my 1SG calls it . It was a really good day. I wish there were periodic classes like that more often. You can only learn so much on your own.

I'm the worst at comparing myself to others. Some of my friends yell at me for it. I can't help it though! especially when it comes to the social aspects of everything. I'm so low on the scales.

Great goals again.... good luck with the scrapbook, my similar goal from last challenge got done on the last day haha.

Also, 159 days! You're in the home stretch!!!!

Hahaha, I am totally expecting myself to leave it for the last day. I used to be so creative until life gave me other things to start paying attention to. Now its like, the lowest thing on my priorities, I hardly expect it to get done .

HOME STRETCHHHHH !! And sooner till I see him for XMAS! Haha, then Washington State bound we are!

[llsoszynski@gmail.com]

So carb load day sucked yesterday. Not just the whole eating carbs part, but the whole part of no time to eat, ect. My day looked like;

1pm- bagel

4pm- protein shake, lean pocket

7pm- more bagel

I worked till 2, went to the gym till 4, then immediately (after a shower and a shake) left for the shop for the night, bringing a couple bagels i brought with me form work. after i got to the shop i didnt really feel like leaving again/didnt have time to.

totals for yesterday-

cals- 1434 (goal- 2000+)

burned- 504

carbs- 204 (goal- 300)

protein- 71 (goal- 140)

fat- 36g

so it pretty much sucked as my first attempt at a carb load, but alas life got in the way.

today is another cut and so far so good. we shall see at the end of the day how i did!

[goodwince]

I don't think you do a bad job with diet. If you're losing and continuing to eat healthy you're doing what you want right? As long as you're not going the wrong direction be patient. You looked good before all of the crap happened to ya lol. You can do it again. I'm not sure how a coach would help with your randomly changing location issues. I mean you've got to be human and have fun too.

How is the Science of Willpower? What's it teaching you?

Washington bound still? Did your hubby get to change his orders or is he going to be gone like you said before?

[llsoszynski@gmail.com]

I don't think you do a bad job with diet. If you're losing and continuing to eat healthy you're doing what you want right? As long as you're not going the wrong direction be patient. You looked good before all of the crap happened to ya lol. You can do it again. I'm not sure how a coach would help with your randomly changing location issues. I mean you've got to be human and have fun too.

How is the Science of Willpower? What's it teaching you?

Washington bound still? Did your hubby get to change his orders or is he going to be gone like you said before?

I suppose that's true. If I'm losing and eating healthy. I think this whole diet crap is seriously (like, seriously) screwing with my head. I'm making progress but I see it as a bad day if I have so-many carbs, or over so-many calories, ect. Its honestly getting really obsessive to the point of scaring myself. There are days where a)I either need to force myself to eat for my own good because I'm afraid of the carbs/not high enough in protein/my belly is feeling bigger than normal so I just dont want to eat... i don't know. It really is scaring me though. (EG mom made cesaer salad with the fish tonight and I don't want to eat it because of the extra dressing, even though I'm only at 500 cals for the day so far and have 2 hours left).

The Science of Willpower (from my understanding with the first couple chapters) explains in detail the chemistry of your brain and which parts activate the "I want", "I will" and "I will not" parts of your brain. It goes in depth about the literal fight against your own mind that goes on in your brain because of evolution vs modern day (literally two sides of your brain fighting each other over which they think is the best option based off of survival instincts and reward). It goes into depth about how you can change the way you think and reprogram your mind through meditation and stuff. Thats how far i've gotten so far.

And yes he still is Washington bound with the chance of leaving again. We're taking the chance though because we can't really opt out at this point for one. We're really excited about being up in the mountains and such though, right up our alley.

[catspaw]

I suppose that's true. If I'm losing and eating healthy. I think this whole diet crap is seriously (like, seriously) screwing with my head. I'm making progress but I see it as a bad day if I have so-many carbs, or over so-many calories, ect. Its honestly getting really obsessive to the point of scaring myself. There are days where a)I either need to force myself to eat for my own good because I'm afraid of the carbs/not high enough in protein/my belly is feeling bigger than normal so I just dont want to eat... i don't know. It really is scaring me though. (EG mom made cesaer salad with the fish tonight and I don't want to eat it because of the extra dressing, even though I'm only at 500 cals for the day so far and have 2 hours left).

I debated a few times about how exactly to reply to this.

At first, I considered a light suggestion that you need to obsess less. But, of course, you already know that. What I am going to suggest, instead, is you're not going to want to hear, but I'm going to put it out there anyway:

I think you need to take a diet break. A long one (like: a few months at least). And, if you can afford it, consider talking to an eating disorder professional.

You're already very lean, and the feelings you're describing have left the "be healthy!" realm and wandered deep into the "disorder" forest. Seriously. Being scared of food is not normal and not healthy. And the diet plan you have yourself set up for during this challenge is one that is just going to spiral into a neurotic-death-spiral of "omg can I eat this?" neurosis.

Of course, I'm not a professional so I could be totally off base here. But just saying this from the perspective of caring about you: what you're feeling when you think about eating is not sustainable and not healthy. You're in a bad relationship with food right now, and I can't help but feel like that needs to take priority over a few percentages of body fat -- you don't need to lose weight for health reasons and the vanity pounds aren't worth fearing something / obsessing over something you have to do several times a day (eat).

Anyway, sorry if I stepped out of bounds. Regardless of what you decide to do, I'm here for you.

[llsoszynski@gmail.com]

I debated a few times about how exactly to reply to this.

At first, I considered a light suggestion that you need to obsess less. But, of course, you already know that. What I am going to suggest, instead, is you're not going to want to hear, but I'm going to put it out there anyway:

I think you need to take a diet break. A long one (like: a few months at least). And, if you can afford it, consider talking to an eating disorder professional.

You're already very lean, and the feelings you're describing have left the "be healthy!" realm and wandered deep into the "disorder" forest. Seriously. Being scared of food is not normal and not healthy. And the diet plan you have yourself set up for during this challenge is one that is just going to spiral into a neurotic-death-spiral of "omg can I eat this?" neurosis.

Of course, I'm not a professional so I could be totally off base here. But just saying this from the perspective of caring about you: what you're feeling when you think about eating is not sustainable and not healthy. You're in a bad relationship with food right now, and I can't help but feel like that needs to take priority over a few percentages of body fat -- you don't need to lose weight for health reasons and the vanity pounds aren't worth fearing something / obsessing over something you have to do several times a day (eat).

Anyway, sorry if I stepped out of bounds. Regardless of what you decide to do, I'm here for you.

Thank you catspaw for your input, I honestly need people like you to step up and voice what they think is best. Because as you know, I'm not comfortable with where I am diet-wise and where I'm going and you can see that. I can definitely see the spiral coming and its either going to spiral down into the neurotic-death-spiral or into the spiral of overeating and binging like crazy, both of which I'm scared of.

I've also been wanting to go to a professional about this. Hence one of the reasons I want to have a coach. I know part of my reasoning of being afraid is because I don't really know what the right direction is (calorically, macros, ect), and having a coach could atleast guide me in the right direction. The other thing I talked about doing was going to a few food addicts in recovery sessions. I talked to my husband about this and he thought it was ridiculous. Since I'm skinny I obviously don't have a problem, right? That's what I hate, and no one listens to you because of that.

The only reason I don't want to go on a break is because I'm scared of myself and my binges and my lack of control when it comes to eating. Finally, now, I feel like i have a hold on the binging and over-eating, but at a cost of being afraid of everything. I'm working and studying up on willpower, so maybe once I get my willpower under control I'll feel more comfortable with going on a break of sorts.

I would love to talk to a professional, but I wouldn't know where to start.

[70Kel]

Hey Laini,

In Australia you can go to the local doctor & they will do up an eating plan/strategy, not sure in the US though but try to find a health professional/nutrtionalist who can steer you in the right direction. Recognising you have a problem is a big step in the right direction. Let us know how you go hey?

[llsoszynski@gmail.com]

My new inspiration song

Kel, I know my doctor would probably be willing to help, but 1) don't really have much extra funds right now and 2) the help they'd give me would be conventional food-pyramid type help that I'm not interested in. I would be interested in getting help from a coach that specializes in carb cycling for lifting gains and body fat% (Martin Berkham, Andy Morgan or the likes). I know I'm picky but that's where I'm trying to go.

After sleeping in this morning (YAY!).. well, waking up at 6, going through emails, talking to the husband ect, then falling back asleep till 10.. I feel a heck of alot better than I have these last few days. I'm starting my morning with a cup of coffee and when 11 hits I'm going to have half a bagel and some BCAA's and head to the gym. After the gym.. well I have a long exciting day planned of shopping around for scrapbook and other stuff and doing nothing (score!). Seriously, I'm excited.

After my shopping spree (need whey and BCAA's, ugh) I'm going to see how much I can put aside in a little jar to start saving up for Christmas/birthday presents ect. Thennn... well that's as far as I've gotten!

[msuroo]

The only reason I don't want to go on a break is because I'm scared of myself and my binges and my lack of control when it comes to eating.

This is one of the biggest reasons to take a break. Believe me, I struggle from the same thing - my diet is usually one of two things: 1) absolutely to-the-macro perfect, or 2) completely off the effing rails. One of my un-written goals this challenge (because we only get 4, grumble) is to not track a single calorie and just, you know, eat. And it's hard, because I worry about not getting enough protein, and eating too much fat on workout days, and all the other small stuff. But in the grand scheme of things, it really probably doesn't matter that much. And if I gain a couple lbs of fat - at least I have the tools to get rid of it (ie, going back to tracking the shit out of my food). Like catspaw said, you're already very lean - it's not like you are putting your health in danger while you sort out your business. Of course no one wants to gain any fat, but figuring out your relationship with food is pretty important too (and to be honest, working with a coach like Martin or Andy would probably make it worse, not better).

Of course, I'm not a professional so I could be totally off base here.

Anyway, sorry if I stepped out of bounds. Regardless of what you decide to do, I'm here for you.

And yeah, this stuff too.