On a journey to being whole

[Hiraedd]

Hi.

I see that I’ve come in the middle of a flurry of other newbies, so thanks for taking the time to stop by and find out who I am when there are so many threads to be read.

I’m an information nerd, mostly. I am constantly driven to learn, understand, and absorb new material. I read incessantly, mostly non-fiction, although when I do read ficition it is sci-fi/fantasy. If you took all the books I own and stacked them on top of each other, the pile (in an imaginary world where it wouldn’t fall over) would be over 45 feet high. I read just about any information I can get my hands on. I am also very tactile and prefer to hold a book rather than have it on a screen.

Since I spend so much time reading I don’t take much time for other media, although I have some favourite shows like Firefly, Star Trek: Next Generation & DS9, Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Star Wars (originals only), Dr. Horrible’s Sing-along Blog, and The Big Bang Theory (which I follow occasionally).

I am morbidly obese. I hate writing those words, but they’re true, and I’m a stickler for personal honesty and integrity. Six and a half years ago I left a marriage that was abusive in pretty much every way possible: physically, mentally, emotionally, sexually, religiously, financially, and probably a few that no one else has come up with a label for yet. I was hungry in every way and completely overwhelmed, barely able to function. I had been starved for about 4 years (consuming only 400-500 calories a day), and so when I left I ate: I ate to feel loved, I ate to feel full, I ate to feel protected from men, I ate because my body was so hungry I’d forgotten what it was like to feel full. My weight doubled in 3 months, from approximately 165 to over 340, and finally stabilized at 385.

At that point, as a newly single mom, still battling in court over custody against someone who had threatened to take my child out of the country and never return them, I was mentally incapable of recognizing or dealing with my weight, health, or pretty much anything else. Instead, as I started to heal emotionally, I slowly confronted each of the lies that had been drilled into me and proved it wrong. Each day I became a little more of the person I had been before…a little be me-ier. As I recognized an area that I still felt controlled by him in I would take steps to correct it, and as each thing fell into its proper place some of the weight came off on its own, dropping from 385 to about 365.

This summer I finally realized how overweight I really was. It was a hard pill to swallow, because it meant admitting that I’d lied to myself about it, which was hard for me. It also meant recognizing that even though I could still move, had good blood pressure, and did not even have a hint of diabetes, at 365 pounds I was not healthy.

Having recognized that, I started to change it, one tiny step at a time.

I have gone from 365 to 350 since July 26, 2012. I exercise 30 minutes of cardio every day, and I carefully monitor what I eat by calories so that I can still eat food I enjoy and make better choices so that I can lose weight. My weight loss goal is to be in the middle of my healthy BMI range, so about 135 pounds, and then to get strong, as physically strong as I am mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. My desire is that someday I will be so physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually healthy that healing will flow from me to others around me (that is the superpower I want).

You’ll probably see me in the “Woot room†quite a bit, because I plan to celebrate every 10 pounds, and they are going to be practically falling off for the next 2 years. I’m on a journey toward being whole, and nothing is going to stand in my way.

Stacie (Hiraedd)

TL;DR I like to read. I got knocked down, but I got up again, and now I'm going to get as healthy on the outside as I am on the inside.

[Razor]

There's a saying. "Do not pray for an easy life. Pray for the strength to overcome it."

It seems you have that strength. Good job on your progress so far in terms of weight loss. It will be a long journey, but the real fight is what you consume. The exercise helps for sure, but it is a compliment to a healthier diet, not a supplement.

I want to say kudos so far for everything you've been able to come. And your journey to be healthier, better, and stronger will be an incredible example for your child! Good luck, and if you have any questions or need a bit of help, you've found the right place!

[Hiraedd]

Thanks, Razor. I appreciate the encouragement, and the supportive environment in the forums

[shoobie]

Welcome to the rebellion! Razor is right! You have the strength to do it!! You've been through a lot and was able to get through it, that just proves it!

[Kishi]

Wow. You've come here through some hard places. I don't mean to understate it at all, but that's just what it is. I can't imagine the kind of inner strength it must take to get your life back on track after going through that kind of thing.

Still! It sounds like you have a lot to celebrate too. I look forward to seeing you put some woots up in the room!

[PartyCannon]

Stacie (Hiraedd)

TL;DR I like to read. I got knocked down, but I got up again, and now I'm going to get as healthy on the outside as I am on the inside.

I get knocked down, but I get up again/You're never gonna keep me down

It's the healthy inside and out that is important. My daughter is 8, and I am just finally healing from my relationship with her father, which was followed by a failed marriage to a different man, and then a year long relationship with a man who was not compatible for me at all and only fed the lies I had lied to myself about what was right.

[PartyCannon]

Hi.

Stacie (Hiraedd)

TL;DR I like to read. I got knocked down, but I got up again, and now I'm going to get as healthy on the outside as I am on the inside.

I get knocked down/But I get up again/You're never going to keep me down

The healthy inside and out is what is important.

I am finally healing from the damage done to me by my daughter's father (which ended when she was 6 months old, she is now 8), a failed marriage to a different man, and then a relationship I jumped into after my divorce that only succeeded in making me even more broken.

Good luck, Hiraedd. You have my prayers and encouragement!

[Rebel]

Well done Stacie, you've come through a lot. Keep going and keep reporting on your progress. People here are always willing to help.

[Chef Neem]

Welcome to the rebellion. Yours is the story that is truly inspirational and what these forums are about. It is easier for fit people to get stronger. But your journey is going to be longer but once you get there you will be the healer you want to be. I have a feeling even before you get to where you want to be you will impact others.

[Iblis]

I totally get what you mean by using weight as a protective barrier.

Kudos for taking the steps to become more you! And not just the old you, but the better, new you that demands that you be treated well, respected, and valued. Welcome!

[Spiffy]

*high five* Love it.

[soleil]

Welcome Stacie. What a journey you have already been through. I look forward to watching your progress here. Are you signing up for a six week challenge? I'm still new but I've learned that you can subscribe to them so I'd like to follow yours.

[Hiraedd]

Thanks soleil! Yes, I'm in the 6 week challenge. The link is in my sig under "follow my journey" I'll be following yours too! Good luck with the goals you've set.

[loopie]

Wow, Stacie!

You've travelled a rough road.

You are so strong.

All the best!

I will be cheering for you...

Brenda

[katpower]

Hi there! I'm glad you found us. I look forward to seeing your awesome achievements.

[majora52]

Looking forward to celebrating with you on the Woot Room. The inner strength you've cultivated over the years only guarantees your future successes. I'll be cheering for you.

By the way, you had me at Next Generation (Demolished all the seasons in a 2 month period. It was good times)

[Chicory]

Coolest superpower ever. You're kind of amazing.

Also, I feel the same way about books and am now going back to my own intro thread to edit in Firefly!

[SkiBlue]

I just joined up as well (granted, I just now noticed the time lapse). I kept noticing how active you were and decided to give your links a visit, and I'm very glad that I did. It's truly inspiring to hear how far you've come on your own with everything that has happened. I've always believed that being truly happy with yourself starts from the inside and works its way out, and you just proved it. I'm really excited for you and definitely plan on following your progress for motivation, inspiration, and encouragement.

Also, I will happily admit to my shared love of Star Wars, TNG, BBT, and reading. But for now, I should stop procrastinating on my own battle plan...

[alarep]

holy moly, when I said I was missing things on NF was I ever right!! - how did I not see this the entire challenge as often as I was visiting your page?? Wow - you have overcome so much to be able to face your fears like a warrior. Proud to call you friend and so happy to be following your journey!

[captncid]

Wow! Thanks to alarep for posting in this thread! I am continually amazed the more I learn about you, Hiraedd!

I am so looking forward to more adventures and witnessing you crushing your goals!

[Jonesy]

I second what captncid said, thanks to alarep for posting in this thread! I love reading about people who have overcome great obstacles and are starting or completed goals in their life. You Stacie show a strength that most people would love to have. Good luck and I look forward to seeing your threads in The Woot Room!

[peacekeeper]

With honesty and openness like that, you will go far! Welcome to the forum and I look forward to seeing more!! posts from you especially in the woot room!

[Heidi]

Totally woot to you, girl. Let me know when you're celebrating and I will be there to cheer for you.

I have been knocked up, knocked down, knocked around, and knocked out.

But don't ever bet against me.