Kelly’s “Take Me Back To The Start� Challenge

[Blueberries]

I hate to make it sound like my family's bad.

No! I definitely don't think that. I think it's awesome if you want to do lots of things for/with them. It's just the being volunteered to do things without being asked that wouldn't be okay with me. I want to be the one in control of decisions about my free time, kwim?

I think I just need to be clear that I'm busy. They might just be trying to include me more? Which I appreciate. But my sister and I (I have four sisters, but am much closer to one of them) do a lot of stuff together. We watch some TV shows together after her kids go to bed, they'll invite me over for dinner occasionally (and sometimes I'll make dinner and take it to their house to reciprocate - it's easier than them bringing the kids to my house). Anyway, I'm sure my mom has good intentions. It's weird, she was VERY standoffish with my sister when they got married. She told them NOT to bring their problems to her, but to work it out with their husbands. She was never pushy with holidays and never got offended if an in-law's holiday time conflicted with ours, and would make every effort to work around the in-law's schedules (sometimes making a big lunch AND dinner). And then suddenly grandbabies arrive and she comes a little unglued. I asked her one time about it as gently as I could and she said, "When I had you girls, I missed my mom more than I ever though I could miss her. I think I was more sad raising you girls without her than I was right when she died (she died right before my parents go married)." She said, "You need your mom for a lot of things, but as an adult, you really don't feel like you NEED her until you have kids and feel lost." So I know she's over-compensating for what she missed - trying to be there because she knows what it's like to NOT have a mom there. So I can sympathize with that. On the other hand, I know my brother in laws feel a little annoyed by how often they call her instead of trusting their own instincts or their husbands. So that's not a good thing. That said, my mom's an excellent mom. She's VERY nurturing and when she's around my nieces and nephews you can tell she's meant to be a mom. She is authoritative, but very compassionate and patient. It's hard to remember those things from when we were kids because it's been so long. So I appreciate that she's very wise and only wants to share as much as she can in case she's ever not around (her mom died suddenly).

So I try to be sensitive to it. She's like a momma hen. Er, a grandma hen??

Grandbabies have a way of making grandmothers go a little off the deep end.

It sounds like you're working out some good goals (yay, strength gain!!) for the next challenge. I'm glad we've still got a few days, because I really need to nail down some of the details for mine. What are you aiming for calorie-wise? Eating at roughly maintenance?

[goodwince]

But I do need boundaries. And should feel OK saying no. So, it's been added as a life goal. It's hard to say, "Say no 10 times." I wonder if I could say, "Say no 75% of the time" when choices come up. Because there are things that I dno't mind doing but also don't mind missing. I should learn to say no to all of those for awhile.

My petty friends are fun to hang out with and give good advice, but also are petty. Just like everything in life, nothing's perfect. And there's no all-good or all-bad. So they're good friends, but also can be selfish/bad friends. I guess I need to evaluate which are more bad friends than good, and weed them out or make it a point to decline thos eoffers and try to build up the friendships that are more good than bad.

As for my gym at work, all we have are dumbbells. That's not a bad thing, but I dont' get as much pleasure out of it. Plus, my job is super-annoying, and people complain to me ALL.THE.TIME. So I avoid the gym. Even if i have earbuds in people will start casual convo wiht me. Then start complaining/politicing for me to fix their problems. So selfish. As a whole, selfish people are making me grouchy!

I thkn I'm going to do StrongLifts. I've never done it before, and IfItPlugsIn wants to hold each other accountable. So that'll be fun. I'm gong to spend the next challenge building back up to my PRs with great form (I've lost strength, but those old PRs were also shaky form).

Yes, focusing on sale ads and planning my meals over the weekends was GREAT for me! I actually really enjoyed that. And felt like i was spending my money better (as long as I didn't mass-dump food, which I think only happened that one time). I think maybe a solid B+ is fair!

I've looked for meetups in my town, and there's really not anything. There's a group of women who go out to eat. Not good for me. There is a hiking group. I asked to be added to the gorup but haven't been, yet. So either they don't want to add me or the group is defunct. Other than that, there's really not anything in town. I'm so introverted, I'd be terrified to go to soemthing like this the first time! But once I got past the first tiem, I bet it woudl be fun!

Perhaps for the next challenge you should identify when you really want to say no and begin acting on those accounts. It may be harder than you think and need to be thought about at first. Making a priority for yourself means that when you have things to do you have to say no on certain accounts. So if you really want a rest day and need to relax you say "I can't" to items your mother brings up. Especially if you don't want to. Perhaps a fixed list isn't the goal, but you gotta get started. Maybe saying no to a fixed percentage of items that you don't want to do is

"Say 'no' unless you're really totally okay with doing whatever it is"?

I mean, the idea behind saying no is to not let people take advantage of you and to get comfortable with turning people down when you don't want to do something. But there isn't anything wrong with saying yes because you want to be able to help people out.

How about "Always say no when it would inconvenience you to say yes"?

What I said above! Completely agree. It's like eating healthy.. nothing is wrong with having that piece of unhealthy thing if you budgeted for it. Just be honest with yourself on what counts as helping because you want vs feeling pushed.

The hiking group sounds good, especially if they are your age. I tried out a hiking group from church over summer, but all the other ladies were 55+. They were lovely people, but I was hoping to connect with 20-30 somethings. I think I'd be really nervous about meeting "strangers" but they'd only be that once right, after that they'd at least be acquaintances, right? I should consider making this a goal for next challenge, but I already have a life goal picked out... hmmm.

Create one for 20 to 30s! They like hiking. I know that I'm more willing to try something like that than a lot of people, but coordinating things can be great experience. If you don't like it just create the group.. see if others join and see if they want to help run it. My friend created a group to do a programming experiment and he didn't even want/care about people in the group. He was just curious about the functionality. Some guy messaged him about setting up a meeting and he said you can do it. The guy still does it all! My friend has never even been to a meeting lol.

[Hermione Gainser]

Oh, totes! I don't even know Mama E and I kinda want her to adopt me a little bit maybe SO, there's that.

I like the boundary setting. it is important! Goodwince and WQ have solid ideas on that.

I joined a bunch of meet ups in my area and never went to any actual meet ups. Oops.

[Strawberry Squatcake]

"Say 'no' unless you're really totally okay with doing whatever it is"?

I mean, the idea behind saying no is to not let people take advantage of you and to get comfortable with turning people down when you don't want to do something. But there isn't anything wrong with saying yes because you want to be able to help people out.

How about "Always say no when it would inconvenience you to say yes"?

Yes, you're absolutely right. I need to think, "DO I really want to do this?" Yes/No. If no, "Is there a good reason to do this even if I don't want to?" If not, say no. For example, what's the big deal if I miss one family meal? NO big deal. My other sisters do occasionally. Or what's the big deal if I don't go to a wedding shower of someone I'm not that close to, or pass on going out to drink when I really don't want to? Nothing. Just need to learn to say no rather than trying to please everyone (except myself)! I'll take that approach.

I don't know if anyone's ever seen Friday Night Lights, but I love how Coach Taylor stays silent for a few beats where he thinks about something. I know it's acting, but there are people who do that in real life. I need to slow down and be that person. Have a few filter thoughts, then a calm response.

The hiking group sounds good, especially if they are your age. I tried out a hiking group from church over summer, but all the other ladies were 55+. They were lovely people, but I was hoping to connect with 20-30 somethings. I think I'd be really nervous about meeting "strangers" but they'd only be that once right, after that they'd at least be acquaintances, right? I should consider making this a goal for next challenge, but I already have a life goal picked out... hmmm.

Yeah, the strangers stuff scares me. The potential rejection scares me (although I think most meetup people are open to meeting and accepting new people). If I ever get accepted to that group, hopefully I'll be able to see ages, and can always choose hikes nearer to town, and maybe bring someone else along.

No! I definitely don't think that. I think it's awesome if you want to do lots of things for/with them. It's just the being volunteered to do things without being asked that wouldn't be okay with me. I want to be the one in control of decisions about my free time, kwim?

Grandbabies have a way of making grandmothers go a little off the deep end.

It sounds like you're working out some good goals (yay, strength gain!!) for the next challenge. I'm glad we've still got a few days, because I really need to nail down some of the details for mine. What are you aiming for calorie-wise? Eating at roughly maintenance?

My mom. She means the best. And she's a good/wise person. Just gotta help her see there's more than one path in life, and I've chosen the other one, and that's OK! Sometimes I think this stuff either pushes me away or makes me feel trapped. And I don't think anyone intends to do that.

OK, next challenge: Goal is 130 grams of protein a day. And since I'm counting protein, going to do the calories, too. Aiming for 2,000. To both get that much but not go over too much. So a range of 1800-2200. 2000-2200 is supposed to be maintenance. I'm also going to cut out nightshades (and also leave out eggs, and continue working on wheat and dairy). But that's more in an attempt to pinpoint this acne thing than for weight loss. I figure while I'm tracking food, may as well journal and try to pinpoint the acne thing. I know eggs are an issue. But somethign else is,too. Can't figure out what.

Perhaps for the next challenge you should identify when you really want to say no and begin acting on those accounts. It may be harder than you think and need to be thought about at first. Making a priority for yourself means that when you have things to do you have to say no on certain accounts. So if you really want a rest day and need to relax you say "I can't" to items your mother brings up. Especially if you don't want to. Perhaps a fixed list isn't the goal, but you gotta get started. Maybe saying no to a fixed percentage of items that you don't want to do is

What I said above! Completely agree. It's like eating healthy.. nothing is wrong with having that piece of unhealthy thing if you budgeted for it. Just be honest with yourself on what counts as helping because you want vs feeling pushed.

Create one for 20 to 30s! They like hiking. I know that I'm more willing to try something like that than a lot of people, but coordinating things can be great experience. If you don't like it just create the group.. see if others join and see if they want to help run it. My friend created a group to do a programming experiment and he didn't even want/care about people in the group. He was just curious about the functionality. Some guy messaged him about setting up a meeting and he said you can do it. The guy still does it all! My friend has never even been to a meeting lol.

I never even considered creating a group! Ooooh... What do I want? I definitely am not good at leading or making decisions for people I don't know. And some of the planning stuff gets overwhelming. I wonder if I could do what your friend did, find like-minded people, then put someoen else in charge!

Oh, totes! I don't even know Mama E and I kinda want her to adopt me a little bit maybe SO, there's that.

I like the boundary setting. it is important! Goodwince and WQ have solid ideas on that.

I joined a bunch of meet ups in my area and never went to any actual meet ups. Oops.

She really is good people! And I agree! You nerds are so smart!

I feel like that's hwo my meetup thing will go. I did go to one, but I was going to it, then the guy created a meetup group, and I joined. So kind of backwards.

[PrincessHeather]

The nightshades thing is a good call, it's one of the things that the Whole30 folks say to monitor if you're still having issues without the wheat and dairy. And if you're right (like I think you've said) that your gut needs a little healing, giving up nightshades might not be a forever thing either.