Level 1... oh no!

[Wirilome]

Hi! I'm Wirilome (my real name is Angie). I'm 28 years old and I am starting my weight loss again. I recently had a panic attack (June 1012) at work that threw me under the bus. I emotionally let myself go which lead to my lack of exercise (except the one day that my trainer attempts to kick my ass but I am too depressed to do anything) and wise food choice. I think I've had McDonald's breakfast every day since June 20th and I stopped going to dance. Fast food = nausea = can't dance = depression. It's a vicious cycle.

I've been on fad diets since I was 14, maybe even younger. But I remember being 14 when my parents insisted I try Herbalife so that I could look beautiful for my quinceañera. It was freakin' torture. Imagine being in high school when all your friends are eating pizza and chips and you are stuck drinking a shake that tastes like vomit! Imagine not eating for two meals a day and then having a small salad for dinner while your family has orange chicken and fried rice in front of you!!! And then imagine you get a cheat meal and on that glorious day you go to the microwave and find out your brother ate your food. Your one meal a week. This was actually my first freak out moment. Fried rice went flying every where. Tupperware hit the kitchen light. It was an awful mess. It was disturbing knowing that I was starving to be pretty. What's worse? I weighed more in the end and was peeing neon green for months!

High school didn't get any better. I starved during lunch. My own doing, I didn't want people to judge me while I ate. I was in so many activities that I ate fast food on the go. And I'm sure we have all been there. Eating in the car, inhaling food like no ones business. It's kind of gross actually. When I left high school I was roughly 180 lbs.

When I entered college, three months later, I was at 206! I gained the freshmen 15 and then the sophomore 15 and then bam before I knew it I was at 244. During my second year in college Weinerschizel had a 3 for $3.33 deal. I ate there 3 times a week. Plus breakfast at Jack in the Box on Fridays. The fact that I am not dead is a miracle.

After college, I began losing the weight, going down to 220 but then went to grad school and while writing my dissertation / going through a break up I went up to 254, the highest I had ever been in my life!! And how could I not be at that weight? I was eating instant ramen, drinking a 2 liter bottle of coke to stay up researching and writing my paper or staring at photos of my ex boyfriend going WHY?!?!

I decided that I wanted to lose weight back in 2010. I don't want to die by the time I am 40 because of a heart attack. However, I do have other reasons as well. Some are completely stupid, as in I want to fit into a sample wedding dress, (roughly size 8, currently a size 20 pants and a 16 shirt) while another reason is that I want to apply to the FBI academy. It's been my dream since I was 11!!! The requirements are crazy, at least for this fat chick. But why give up on that dream?

Instead I got a fitness trainer, who is awesome. I'm not talking big muscular guy who has no neck. In fact, he is thin who eats healthy and works with me in terms of breathing techniques, working on my self image, making me read lots of meditation books and eating disorder books. Now I have a therapist as well. My trainer introduced me to the Paleo lifestyle. And while I was eating properly I was getting stronger with energy.

While discussing my trainer with a friend he pointed out this website and I fell in love. Geeky people can be healthy too!!! I don't have to look like Eric Cartmen while playing World of Warcraft.

[Kinder]

Welcome! You really have had a struggle with your weight and I hope that you find what works for you to take it all off and keep it off in a healthy way.

No other place to start than Level 1, unless you have a cheat code.

...do you have a cheat code...? I'm asking for a friend.

[katpower]

Hi! Society/weight/expectations of beauty are very good at messing us up, huh? I'm glad you're on the NF bus, and just want to say - if you have a bad day, or even a bad week, don't give up - just pick yourself up, square your shoulders and keep on trucking.

Part of the reason I'm here is I've applied to be a paramedic, and if I get that far, I'll need to pass a fitness test. Beginning of the year, there's no way in hell I could have passed. Now, just maybe.

Good luck!

[Wabbit]

Welcome Wirilome,

i TOTALLY get the panic attack anxiety thing. not cool. Everyone gets the dissertation weight- we called it "thesis butt". one of my friends gained almost a small child in pounds! I on the other hand, became a neurotic mess and couldnt eat. that sux too ( and that was quite a while ago so i have more than made up for it, ugh). Ive found that working out lots and having fitness goals has really helped with my anxiety so hopefully it will help you too.

also, FBI academy- woot! that sounds badass! thats an awesome thing to shoot for. and if you lack motivation you could watch any of the tv shows or movies where FBI people kick some ass and you'll be all fired up again.

good luck!

[Wirilome]

FBI academy- woot! that sounds badass! thats an awesome thing to shoot for. and if you lack motivation you could watch any of the tv shows or movies where FBI people kick some ass and you'll be all fired up again.

That's actually what I do! I love me some x-files. So when I am training for the 5ks (I try and run one once a month) I am running and watching those.