Osu

[Mistr]

Glad to hear that it is just normal life keeping you busy. Sorry about the cold. There seems to be a lot of that going around.

 

I agree with @Urgan, keep a safe distance from the disintegrating relationship. Certainly be there for your friend if she wants to go out to an event with friends or needs help moving. Just avoid getting drawn into the Drama.

[Tanktimus the Encourager]

Regarding both boxing coach and divorcing friend:

 

It is NOT your job to help EVERYone. You help many, many people. It seems like divorcing friend is not one of the ones you need to add to your list. And as for your boxing coach, if he's not going to respect your time, he obviously needs someone else to give him rides. 

[Urgan]

3 minutes ago, Tanktimus the Encourager said:

Regarding both boxing coach and divorcing friend:

 

It is NOT your job to help EVERYone. You help many, many people. It seems like divorcing friend is not one of the ones you need to add to your list. And as for your boxing coach, if he's not going to respect your time, he obviously needs someone else to give him rides. 

 

Yeah, it does seem like he's taking advantage and futzing around instead of making proper long term arrangements. Suspect he won't until the free car runs out of gas.

[Kishi]

1 hour ago, Urgan said:

Time flies when you're living life, huh?

 

Very much, yes.

 

1 hour ago, Mistr said:

Glad to hear that it is just normal life keeping you busy. Sorry about the cold. There seems to be a lot of that going around.

 

Yeah, it sure does seem to be that way. It's annoying. This being in an office environment thing is really rough on the immunity.

 

1 hour ago, Urgan said:

Instincts say, if you are not trusted, you cannot effectively support. Stay out of flamethrower range, lest you be burned by the hot mess. 

 



 

1 hour ago, Mistr said:

I agree with @Urgan, keep a safe distance from the disintegrating relationship. Certainly be there for your friend if she wants to go out to an event with friends or needs help moving. Just avoid getting drawn into the Drama.

 

Mm, that's probably what I'll have to do. It doesn't help much that she's part of that publicity company I'm trying to help get off the ground, and pretty much everyone's tried to come around her to help and be useful as far as trying to find attorneys and such. I did my bit for that, and I don't think I need to do more. She mentioned that she was going back to visit her kids in GA for the first time since this all started, and asked for people to go with her. I initially felt guilty about not offering, but then I thought about it and was like "Wait. D'you really think, Kishi, that in an emotionally fraught situation like this, that you can truly support her when she's told you she doesn't trust you?" The more I thought about it, the wiser it felt to let that whole thing go.

 

34 minutes ago, Tanktimus the Encourager said:

It is NOT your job to help EVERYone. You help many, many people. It seems like divorcing friend is not one of the ones you need to add to your list. And as for your boxing coach, if he's not going to respect your time, he obviously needs someone else to give him rides.

 

23 minutes ago, Urgan said:

Yeah, it does seem like he's taking advantage and futzing around instead of making proper long term arrangements. Suspect he won't until the free car runs out of gas.

 

Well, he pays me back for gas every time, so it's not like he's getting a free ride out of this. I just don't like the imposition when I stop and think about it, but in the moment it never seems like a big deal.

 

But I've had to tell him off tonight anyway because I can't leave work, as it's kind of a dumpster fire today and I'mma be staying late. Fun freaking times.

[Mistr]

Good job on setting boundaries. Sorry about work being a pain.

[Urgan]

16 hours ago, Kishi said:

Mm, that's probably what I'll have to do. It doesn't help much that she's part of that publicity company I'm trying to help get off the ground, and pretty much everyone's tried to come around her to help and be useful as far as trying to find attorneys and such. I did my bit for that, and I don't think I need to do more. She mentioned that she was going back to visit her kids in GA for the first time since this all started, and asked for people to go with her. I initially felt guilty about not offering, but then I thought about it and was like "Wait. D'you really think, Kishi, that in an emotionally fraught situation like this, that you can truly support her when she's told you she doesn't trust you?" The more I thought about it, the wiser it felt to let that whole thing go.

 

 I remember you mentioning this person before. Totally out of your hands. Working with humans is a tricky business, but hey at least she made it easy to know it's going to be just business until further notice.

 

16 hours ago, Kishi said:

Well, he pays me back for gas every time, so it's not like he's getting a free ride out of this. I just don't like the imposition when I stop and think about it, but in the moment it never seems like a big deal.

 

But I've had to tell him off tonight anyway because I can't leave work, as it's kind of a dumpster fire today and I'mma be staying late. Fun freaking times.

 

Isn't that always the way? You do a postmortem on an interaction and it kinda annoys you? Entirely too relatable. Hopefully you contained the dumpster fire to Tuesday.

[Kishi]

On ‎5‎/‎8‎/‎2019 at 9:36 AM, Mistr said:

Good job on setting boundaries. Sorry about work being a pain.

 

Thanks!

 

On ‎5‎/‎8‎/‎2019 at 10:41 AM, Urgan said:

I remember you mentioning this person before. Totally out of your hands. Working with humans is a tricky business, but hey at least she made it easy to know it's going to be just business until further notice.

 

Yeah, and that's really how I'm having to think of it. I'm working on seeing my way to being grateful for her honesty in the matter. I'm mostly there. Mostly.

 

On ‎5‎/‎8‎/‎2019 at 10:41 AM, Urgan said:

Isn't that always the way? You do a postmortem on an interaction and it kinda annoys you? Entirely too relatable. Hopefully you contained the dumpster fire to Tuesday.

 

Kind of? It's an ongoing flame being fed by the powers above me; can't really help that.

 

*

 

Haven't checked in in the past couple of days because there hasn't been much to report. That's what happens when you take time off from training - life slows down a little and grows quieter.

 

I found my way back to training a day ahead of time because I was itching to go do something. Stayed off the mats for everyone else's sake and compromised with leg day and yoga. Came out the other side feeling good.

 

The one upside of all this time off the mats is that I got my hours early, so I can take off early. And since I have a birthday dinner with friends, I think I'mma use that time at the gym.

 

Writing's continued, incidentally, but there were some technical problems on the computer at work where I was doing it and basically all my work from the past couple days was eaten. Boooo

[Kishi]

Surprise win! Wound up finding some of the work I'd done before and was able to salvage it. Only lost a page. Which isn't great when you're only averaging a page a day but dammit it's something. Gotta take the W where you can find it, right?

 

Did wind up getting to the gym and putting in a little extra chest time. Thought maybe I'd be able to do some conditioning on top of that but ultimately it didn't pan out. Got ab work, though, so my inner diva is satisfied.

 

I ran measurements beforehand and they're creeping in the right directions. Weight is stable, body fat appears to be down (though I don't know if that's because of diet or leg work or what), and the Adonis Index is creeping toward 1.4, which is exciting. Presently at 1.37.

 

Dinner was awesome - good sushi and sake at a place where I'd only ever driven by as opposed to being able to go in. Managed to order something offmenu which felt like getting the hookup and it was super good.

 

Today? I dunno what's up. It's a work day at the Company, and that usually bleeds into being a hangout of some kind. I definitely do not mind, but I might have to get creative in terms of doing back and bicep work tonight. There's another fight night at the karate dojo, but I'm definitely veering toward not making it - I need to get my gi washed up and I doubt I'mma get back in time to get it dried in time to be ready to, especially in the context of office hours today. Fortunately, there's no pressure to go beyond missing the mats.

[Kishi]

And we find ourselves today. How did the past couple of days go?

 

Well, there were some twists and turns. I did have the rest of my work day with the company, but it didn't turn into hanging out afterward. I got back home, got the gi cleaned up, but realized by the time I was set to go that I'd have to pick between gym and dojo. Chose gym, because the first form of self defense is against the diseases of plenty, and the gym is super efficient for that sort of thing. No fighting though.

 

So got out, did the gym, got back home, rested up. Sunday, got up and hit the gym again. I feel surprisingly good for the amount of trouble I'm putting myself through. Saturday was a pull day, Sunday was a push day. After that was boxing and BJJ. We hadn't initially planned on Mother's Day training, but we got word that a lot of people wanted to come practice, so the coach decided to come out.

 

Boxing was notable in that there were some sparks between the coach and one of the students who's really not getting how movement works. Movement in striking is a rant in and of itself, but the TL;DR is that power transfers from the feet through the hips to the hand. In order to make that transfer, the hips have to be able to articulate. So you can't let your feet get too narrow or else you limit the ROM and cut your power (not to mention some other not nifty stuff).

 

Boxing coach wanted us to work on cutting angles, but you can't cut an angle if you can't move, and the student kept moving wrong. When trying to angle left, you're supposed to step with the left. She'd step with her right behind her left, and she'd been complaining about how the stance felt (which to be clear: a good fighting stance feels unnatural to most people for about a year or so before they get used to it). Coach tried to demonstrate, she didn't get it, he demo'd again and tried to get her to get back in, she refused, and then stormed off in a huff.

 

Which, I mean. She's kind of dramatic to start with anyway, so it's not like it's surprising. I think, however, that the coach probably misdiagnosed the problem and tried to give her too much too fast. He had me working with her prior and I noticed her problems from the get go; I imagine that for her, she really really needs to focus on getting her feet right before we focus on any kind of punching. But that's the hindsight talking.

 

BJJ afterward was a lot of fun. We doubled our class size from three to six students and the vibe got a lot more active and fun. Not that small classes are unfun, mind, but even the BJJ coach admitted that there's a certain point where the energy changes and the atmosphere just becomes... happier, I guess? More familial. It felt good to get out and roll, and it had nothing to do with catching someone in an arm triangle. Really.

 

Hit handstand practice, ab work, and yoga afterward. I'm playing around with a system by Gabe Saturno, of Saturno Movement which is an integrated calisthenics/yoga/hand balancing program that has a good modular design which is explicitly meant for integration with other things. I'm in the opening week of a yoga assessment to see to what degree I can incorporate this stuff, but it excites me as it should help with not only health and illness prevention but also help with flexibility, which I'm noticing I need some help with these days.

 

Today will be gaming. Might be some more gym time depending on how things shake out. NBD if not, but it'd be nice if so.

[Mistr]

Yay for all the martial arts and exercise!

 

I am happy to see you have a new program to check out. It has been about that amount of time since the last one.   Saturno Movement looks interesting. The combination looks a lot like GMB. Let us know what you observe as you work through it.

[Kishi]

20 hours ago, Mistr said:

I am happy to see you have a new program to check out. It has been about that amount of time since the last one.

 

Isn't it great to know that no matter how much things change, some things just stay the same?

 

20 hours ago, Mistr said:

The combination looks a lot like GMB. Let us know what you observe as you work through it.

 

It does look that way, now that you mention it. I think what draws me to this over GMB is yoga's insistence on checking in with oneself, as opposed to harder flexibility programs. Like, I feel like I have license to pace myself here, versus an artificial standard elsewhere. Also, the modularity of the programming seems promising from out here. Will definitely let y'all know what's up.

 

*

 

Gaming happened. Gymming didn't, although I was able to do some stuff at home to make up for it, so that turned out okay.

 

I gotta admit, though, I'm not a happy boy today. I managed to work a little late yesterday, but even with that help, I've gotta stay today to work on cases and it's gonna take long enough that I think I'm completely off the mats tonight. It's not cool. I've already missed a couple weeks of karate and they'll miss me just like I miss them.

 

This sucks. But with the way things are being run right now, I really don't have a choice. I'm responsible for getting certain cases developed on certain days. Today was a day where the category in question has a lot of cases, and a lot of them had stuff that needed to be done today. Just a luck of the draw. I'm glad I go to schools now that understand this, but I still hate needing that understanding.

[Mistr]

It sucks that work is eating your life right now. I hope you can get the things done and have time to do something fun, even if it is not karate.

[Urgan]

17 hours ago, Kishi said:

It does look that way, now that you mention it. I think what draws me to this over GMB is yoga's insistence on checking in with oneself, as opposed to harder flexibility programs. Like, I feel like I have license to pace myself here, versus an artificial standard elsewhere. Also, the modularity of the programming seems promising from out here. Will definitely let y'all know what's up.

 

It definitely is a good thing to follow a routine that isn't concerned with you becoming The Most Flexible when the rest of your goals involve bearing loads/impact. Joint stability is exactly as important as having full ROM, except not nearly as popular for most people until an injury happens and you're in a PT clinic farting around with a 2lb dumbbell. 

 

 

Not that you're going there.

 

 Echoing @Mistr, even if you can't make karate for whatever reason hopefully you can squeeze in something fun/helpful to compensate for what life's dealt you this week.

[Kishi]

21 hours ago, Mistr said:

It sucks that work is eating your life right now. I hope you can get the things done and have time to do something fun, even if it is not karate.

 

4 hours ago, Urgan said:

Echoing @Mistr, even if you can't make karate for whatever reason hopefully you can squeeze in something fun/helpful to compensate for what life's dealt you this week.

 

Eh. Had to be at work until 20:00. It was a 10-hour day, but it had to be done. I do have fun with my training, and I was able to do that, but it's not quite the same.

 

4 hours ago, Urgan said:

It definitely is a good thing to follow a routine that isn't concerned with you becoming The Most Flexible when the rest of your goals involve bearing loads/impact. Joint stability is exactly as important as having full ROM, except not nearly as popular for most people until an injury happens and you're in a PT clinic farting around with a 2lb dumbbell. 

 

 

Not that you're going there.

 

I've honestly been close enough that I don't feel a need to get any closer. :'D I didn't wind up having to fart around with a 2lb dumbbell, but I did get dry needled, which was one of the oddest and most satisfyingly uncomfortable things I've ever done.

 

*

 

So, as y'all might have read and inferred, work went late and there really wasn't anything else going anywhere. No dojo time, no mat time, no friend time, nothing. One of those days where you finish with just enough time to do some healthful things, but no real engagement outside of that.

 

I got to hang out with people at the gym, though, and that was pretty cool. Also leg day. Made progress. Progress is also cool.

 

Today should be Sci-Fi Wednesday. We'll see how that shakes out; lately, we've had to cancel on each other and miss each other, which happens because life, but. It would be nice to get out from under work for a bit.

[Kishi]

Sci-Fi Wednesday happened! Working out way through Star Trek: Discovery now. I find this first season compelling, although I feel like it's trying to straddle some kind of a crossroad between TOS, TNG, DS9, and The Expanse. It works, but I can see why people might have gravitated to The Orville over this. Supposedly it gets better in the second season, but even so, the first is good enough to warrant watching and I do find it compelling.

 

Drank some homemade bourbon, and it was awesome, and it cancelled any ambitions of training last night.

 

Friend of mine's got improv tonight, so I guess I'm off to babysit cheer him on as everyone else finds reasons not to go. Fortunately, all these long hours I've been working this week can be put to use, so I can get out early and hit the gym before chilling for the evening. Gotta admit, this having a life off the mats thing is kind of cool, but I do kind of resent it sometimes.

[Kishi]

An 11th hour twist! Dude basically tapped out and decided not to come to Raleigh with his troupe. He almost didn't tell me in time, but he did, and as a result of a last-minute scramble I was able to make my way to BJJ for the night. Worked on X-guard and leg locks, and felt the power of the dark side.

 

Also managed to get some extra chest work done, which was satisfying.

 

I've got a lot of good/interesting stuff on my mind these days. Manong talked to me on Sunday and said he wants me to start training people in Kali. That's... interesting. It's led my reflections down a certain road, in terms of trying to figure out what my philosophy of training is and how I'd want to teach this to people. I don't think it's in line with what we do. One of the things I've decided is that we should spend a high percentage of our time working on high percentage techniques. But if the one sparring session I've got is anything to go on, then the way we practice focuses on low-percentage stuff. I'm not necessarily talking about the cutting drills where we play with bolo knives; I think those are actually the highest-percentage techniques because they're trying to teach you not to cut yourself and not to get cut by others. And that makes sense.

 

But from there it usually devolves into compliant scenario training, which is really, really low percentage, and I don't have a lot of patience for that kind of stuff. (No offense to those who train that way. You gotta do you. The first self-defense is against the diseases of plenty and these can certainly help with that). I think it's possible to do noncompliant stuff safely, and I think I even have a few ways on how to do it. Because Kali has a lot to give in terms of hand speed and head movement and getting off line and attacking from angles. We just gotta find ways to get those parts to shine.

 

Hmm.

 

Anyway. Strength work tonight. Should be quiet. Saturday's slated to be busy - family's finally getting back together for D&D, and then I'm going with the Divorcee Friend as moral support while she gets a tattoo, and then one of the guys I roll with is testing for a black belt in Hapkido that night and I'mma see about getting out to see what I can of it. It's apparently one of those long-ass curriculum test things like what my brother does in Kung Fu. Long day, but I think it'll be full of goodness.

[Urgan]

13 minutes ago, Kishi said:

An 11th hour twist! Dude basically tapped out and decided not to come to Raleigh with his troupe. He almost didn't tell me in time, but he did, and as a result of a last-minute scramble I was able to make my way to BJJ for the night. Worked on X-guard and leg locks, and felt the power of the dark side.

 

Hmm. Seems like there's a pattern emerging. Interesting word choice, in light of his past behavior...

[Kishi]

46 minutes ago, Urgan said:

 

Hmm. Seems like there's a pattern emerging. Interesting word choice, in light of his past behavior...

 

I picked it because I was made to tap out later. Seemed apt. :'D

 

But yeah, this freaking guy. He's in our friend group for the ladies, and it freaking shows. If any of the women in our group had said they'd show, I almost guarantee he would have found a way to be there through Canes traffic and short set. I was the only one who said he'd come, and any time it's just me it's like it's not even worth his time.

[Urgan]

2 minutes ago, Kishi said:

 

I picked it because I was made to tap out later. Seemed apt. :'D

 

But yeah, this freaking guy. He's in our friend group for the ladies, and it freaking shows. If any of the women in our group had said they'd show, I almost guarantee he would have found a way to be there through Canes traffic and short set. I was the only one who said he'd come, and any time it's just me it's like it's not even worth his time.

 

And there it is. I would, uh, make my thoughts known. Particularly about the "friend" part....

 

 

There's a reason he isn't getting any, but I just can't put my finger on it....

[Kishi]

3 minutes ago, Urgan said:

 

And there it is. I would, uh, make my thoughts known. Particularly about the "friend" part....

 

 

There's a reason he isn't getting any, but I just can't put my finger on it....

 

I mean, it's one thing if he can't work out his desires for himself, but it's another thing entirely to insinuate himself in a situation that's going to exacerbate it while he refuses to heal.

 

And I don't really know how to go about it. He's been a friend of the CEO of the Company since her college days, and he also wound up fronting the seed capital to help us get off the ground.

 

Also, am I even being fair to this guy? I mean, he's not a bad person outside of this emotional dishonesty; nobody's talking about being skeeved about by him or anything and for all I know it's just my emotions playing up to eleven like they have been since I started on synthroid. I know he suffers from anxiety, and he's done self-care stuff like this before too, even when the ladies specifically invited him. I could be misreading this whole thing. Do I really want to speak up and cause trouble?

[Urgan]

13 minutes ago, Kishi said:

I mean, it's one thing if he can't work out his desires for himself, but it's another thing entirely to insinuate himself in a situation that's going to exacerbate it while he refuses to heal.

 

And I don't really know how to go about it. He's been a friend of the CEO of the Company since her college days, and he also wound up fronting the seed capital to help us get off the ground.

 

Also, am I even being fair to this guy? I mean, he's not a bad person outside of this emotional dishonesty; nobody's talking about being skeeved about by him or anything and for all I know it's just my emotions playing up to eleven like they have been since I started on synthroid. I know he suffers from anxiety, and he's done self-care stuff like this before too, even when the ladies specifically invited him. I could be misreading this whole thing. Do I really want to speak up and cause trouble?

 

Social connections and other people's problems do not write them a license to abuse you. A pattern of wasting your time is disrespectful and abusive. Never mind the waste itself.

 

So the thing is, he may be the most pitiful human on earth, if he habitually flakes out on people based on the right people not being present (an implied 'screw you, you are worthless to me' to the rest...), then there's only two rational responses to this:

Passive, stop showing up to any events that are his idea (you have literally thousands of other things that could suddenly become ironclad commitments in a heartbeat, this shouldn't be a reach), because the guy's a liar.

Active, call him out, basically. Respectfully, but all the same it's communication to let him know that he is hurting your ability to care about what's going on in his world. It has the conjoined twin virtues of getting clarity of both parties and he has no excuse of ignorance later if he persists. At which point you know it isn't your meds, at least. 

 

You may not think he merits being called out on grounds of social entanglements and not needing the drama when you aren't sure you have the whole picture or are being negatively tinted--that's totally understandable to the extent you are able to effectively go the passive route without being backed into a corner that forces you to confront him or allow him to run roughshod over you. These manipulators tend to have a way of getting you in that position by their nature, and we've already covered how they are looking for people just like you who want to do good at your own expense often. Maybe he's not that interested in messing with you specifically and is totally oblivious to the damage he does, who knows. But that's one reason why everyone might be finding excuses not to go, aside from the quality of the time they might have should he show his face, they don't like his behavior and have elected not to go the active route because it's all messy and direct. 

[Tanktimus the Encourager]

44 minutes ago, Kishi said:

 

Also, am I even being fair to this guy?

He's certainly not being fair to YOU. You don't owe this person anything. Cut him loose, he's only dragging you down.

45 minutes ago, Kishi said:

he's not a bad person outside of this emotional dishonesty

Uhhh, whether or not he's a good person is irrelevant if there is emotional dishonesty. That makes him a toxic person for you.

 

Also, you don't have to call anyone out on anything. Just stop making any effort to maintain the friendship. I think you'll see then just how one-sided that relationship is. Furthermore, confronting emotionally dishonest people is usually casting one's pearls before swine.

[Kishi]

1 hour ago, Urgan said:

Social connections and other people's problems do not write them a license to abuse you. A pattern of wasting your time is disrespectful and abusive. Never mind the waste itself.

 

Of course. I just don't know what effectively dealing with it looks like.

 

1 hour ago, Tanktimus the Encourager said:

He's certainly not being fair to YOU. You don't owe this person anything. Cut him loose, he's only dragging you down.

 

Inasmuch as I can. I have to admit, this notion of losing people as positive is still really new to me. I always told myself that these things were supposed to be worked through, and that they could be; finding out that there are toxicities in personalities that sometimes can't be reconciled is... strange. Necessary, but I don't like it.

 

1 hour ago, Tanktimus the Encourager said:

Uhhh, whether or not he's a good person is irrelevant if there is emotional dishonesty. That makes him a toxic person for you.

 

Yeah, I think so. It's just a weird concept to get my head around that someone could want to be friends with my friends but not be friends with me. I don't even take it personally; it's just too weird to think about. I'm like, "I'm friggin' awesome, someone get this guy the memo!"

 

1 hour ago, Urgan said:

So the thing is, he may be the most pitiful human on earth, if he habitually flakes out on people based on the right people not being present (an implied 'screw you, you are worthless to me' to the rest...), then there's only two rational responses to this:

Passive, stop showing up to any events that are his idea (you have literally thousands of other things that could suddenly become ironclad commitments in a heartbeat, this shouldn't be a reach), because the guy's a liar.

Active, call him out, basically. Respectfully, but all the same it's communication to let him know that he is hurting your ability to care about what's going on in his world. It has the conjoined twin virtues of getting clarity of both parties and he has no excuse of ignorance later if he persists. At which point you know it isn't your meds, at least.  

 

You may not think he merits being called out on grounds of social entanglements and not needing the drama when you aren't sure you have the whole picture or are being negatively tinted--that's totally understandable to the extent you are able to effectively go the passive route without being backed into a corner that forces you to confront him or allow him to run roughshod over you. These manipulators tend to have a way of getting you in that position by their nature, and we've already covered how they are looking for people just like you who want to do good at your own expense often. Maybe he's not that interested in messing with you specifically and is totally oblivious to the damage he does, who knows. But that's one reason why everyone might be finding excuses not to go, aside from the quality of the time they might have should he show his face, they don't like his behavior and have elected not to go the active route because it's all messy and direct. 

 

1 hour ago, Tanktimus the Encourager said:

Also, you don't have to call anyone out on anything. Just stop making any effort to maintain the friendship. I think you'll see then just how one-sided that relationship is. Furthermore, confronting emotionally dishonest people is usually casting one's pearls before swine.

 

Yeah. Ultimately, I've tried really hard to invest into a relationship that the dude doesn't seem to want. I guess I've given as good a try as I reasonably could have. If he decides to make something of it, well, I guess that's on him.

[Urgan]

1 minute ago, Kishi said:

Of course. I just don't know what effectively dealing with it looks like.

 

Don't agree to spend your resources on people who don't want to be around you (forecast calls for blue skies with a chance of crazy busy with literally anything else). That includes probably-unstable divorcee lady. What you doin' to yourself, man? Go do some karate with people who like you. Shampoo your apartment floors. Buy a "really needy" pet cat. Visit your parents more often. Donate your time to people who appreciate it. Sit around your place in your PJ's watching edutainment. Whatever is believable, true to you, and shows you're unavailable for shenanigans. "Oh gee, was that gig tonight? I have a really important hair appointment that I put off twice already!"

 

4 minutes ago, Kishi said:

Yeah, I think so. It's just a weird concept to get my head around that someone could want to be friends with my friends but not be friends with me. I don't even take it personally; it's just too weird to think about. I'm like, "I'm friggin' awesome, someone get this guy the memo!"

 

People are jerks. People are also often awkward AF in groups, if you want to put a slightly more innocent spin on it. Just an explanation, not an excuse.

 

2 minutes ago, Kishi said:

Yeah. Ultimately, I've tried really hard to invest into a relationship that the dude doesn't seem to want. I guess I've given as good a try as I reasonably could have. If he decides to make something of it, well, I guess that's on him.

 

If he acts like he cares then, well. That's news to you. I know it's awkward in that you're mixed up with him in a side business, which is why I didn't just tell you to punt his ass to the curb like a dead rat. Maybe you need to back up on that, too. The people involved are not acting like they are looking out for you even a little. I don't mean that in a needy diva way, I mean that in a stab-you-in-the-back way. Like if it doesn't work out, just how entangled are you going to be?

[Kishi]

16 minutes ago, Urgan said:

Don't agree to spend your resources on people who don't want to be around you (forecast calls for blue skies with a chance of crazy busy with literally anything else). That includes probably-unstable divorcee lady. What you doin' to yourself, man? Go do some karate with people who like you. Shampoo your apartment floors. Buy a "really needy" pet cat. Visit your parents more often. Donate your time to people who appreciate it. Sit around your place in your PJ's watching edutainment. Whatever is believable, true to you, and shows you're unavailable for shenanigans. "Oh gee, was that gig tonight? I have a really important hair appointment that I put off twice already!"

 

That hair appointment might actually be believable since I have to keep my hair really short due to the way I'm balding out.

 

But what am I doing? I'm being there for people who don't want to be there for me. And as to why, well, that's because I'm ragingly insecure over my sense of self-worth and I don't think that who I am in a relationship is as important as what I do. Which would be one thing if others were doing the work, but they aren't, and that's where the rub is.

 

53 minutes ago, Urgan said:

If he acts like he cares then, well. That's news to you. I know it's awkward in that you're mixed up with him in a side business, which is why I didn't just tell you to punt his ass to the curb like a dead rat. Maybe you need to back up on that, too. The people involved are not acting like they are looking out for you even a little. I don't mean that in a needy diva way, I mean that in a stab-you-in-the-back way. Like if it doesn't work out, just how entangled are you going to be?

 

Well, to be clear, I don't comport myself like someone who needs to be looked out for. I'd like to think that I'm not gonna get backstabbed... but... now that you put it that way, suddenly I'm not so sure.