Osu

[Kishi]

7 minutes ago, Urgan said:

 

You come in late because you leave late enough that you're all jacked up trying to play catch-up and cram in what you can around the edges. Yes? If so, the solution presents itself--leave on time when at all possible no matter what the voices in your head think. My one fear is they expect you to work until all hours to get the job done and come in on the dot in the morning. How's the job hunting going?

 

Well, I've got some friends offering me some work, but it would be drop in salary and it would emphasize phone contact with people, which I'm good at but don't particularly like. I haven't really been aggressive about it, though, mostly because I felt I had things managed here.

 

But yeah, no, you're right. The voices in my head are definitely what keep me here, and it's not doing me any good.

[Tanktimus the Encourager]

Having been a government worker myself, expecting logical thought when it comes to work-life balance is an exercise in futility. I'm glad you are starting to consider leaving.

 

You would be amazed at the effect removing so much toxicity in your life would have. I see it in your workplace and in some of the people you hang around.

[WhiteGhost]

4 hours ago, Kishi said:

 

Yup. It's this one in particular. "You may not do a good job by coming in on time, but you will come in on time." Because that makes sense.

My first job had one of those.   For new employee orientation, he say us all down and said:

"Work here starts at 9, and that means our need to be here ready to work at 9.  Now,  sometimes in his job you may have to work late,  maybe until 2 or 3 in the morning.   In those cases you can come in a little later,  say 9:15"

[Teirin]

5 hours ago, WhiteGhost said:

My first job had one of those.   For new employee orientation, he say us all down and said:

"Work here starts at 9, and that means our need to be here ready to work at 9.  Now,  sometimes in his job you may have to work late,  maybe until 2 or 3 in the morning.   In those cases you can come in a little later,  say 9:15"

 

Yeah, fuck that noise. 

[Urgan]

On 5/24/2019 at 5:25 PM, WhiteGhost said:

My first job had one of those.   For new employee orientation, he say us all down and said:

"Work here starts at 9, and that means our need to be here ready to work at 9.  Now,  sometimes in his job you may have to work late,  maybe until 2 or 3 in the morning.   In those cases you can come in a little later,  say 9:15"

 

21 hours ago, Teirin said:

 

Yeah, fuck that noise. 

 

[Kishi]

On ‎5‎/‎24‎/‎2019 at 5:13 PM, Tanktimus the Encourager said:

Having been a government worker myself, expecting logical thought when it comes to work-life balance is an exercise in futility. I'm glad you are starting to consider leaving.

 

Yeah. The hard part is, I'm not really sure what to do as far as going to something else. I do have a friend who specializes in resume stuff, but I also know she's going to try to pull me over to where she's working which is the lower-paying job. She'll do it from a good place, but that's not something I need right now.

 

On ‎5‎/‎24‎/‎2019 at 5:13 PM, Tanktimus the Encourager said:

You would be amazed at the effect removing so much toxicity in your life would have. I see it in your workplace and in some of the people you hang around.

 

Yeah. It's weird. I've given it a pass in the past because I just assumed it was weakness in them and that I'd been placed in their lives to offer my strength to them. But maybe the time for that is over now. I dunno.

 

On ‎5‎/‎24‎/‎2019 at 6:25 PM, WhiteGhost said:

My first job had one of those.   For new employee orientation, he say us all down and said:

"Work here starts at 9, and that means our need to be here ready to work at 9.  Now,  sometimes in his job you may have to work late,  maybe until 2 or 3 in the morning.   In those cases you can come in a little later,  say 9:15"

 

Yup. Originally we had a pretty strict enforcement of life-work balance, but the building's been opened to extended hours, and the new supervisor's pretty strict with me in terms of deadlines and such. That's the reason I've been working so late: between a bloated caseload and the insistence that certain cases will be done, by damn, no matter how long it takes, there's just not a way for me to get out of here on time even if I'm getting here on time. So I figured, why bother?

 

Except that now my supervisor and my supervisor's supervisor have both said I need to come in on time, so whatever. I have to make of it what I can.

 

*

 

Waah, but it's been some days. Let's try to catch this up, shall we?

 

Friday was a conditioning day. Ran sprints, alternating 20s of sprinting with 40s of jogging. Proud of myself on account of managing to stay jogging for the whole ten minutes as opposed to stopping to walk.

 

Saturday was a blast from the past. I've mentioned my brother's Kung Fu school - they also teach Arnis, there, which is more Filipino blade/stick work. They actually came out and put on a seminar for us, so I went and joined them there. I was kind of hoping I'd see my brother there, but no luck this time. Which is understandable; apparently he has teaching responsibilities now in addition to his own training, and I'm led to understand that Saturdays are busy days for him. But it would have been nice anyway. Anyway, we had a lot of different bodies out there - TKD folk and aikido folk and some others whose movements appear to be Chinese-flavored but I couldn't confirm (certain body mechanics, ways of holding the hands, etc).

 

Really lit a fire in me to get our stuff pressure-tested. Dunno if it'll ever happen, but it should. I really liked their emphasis on blade pressure and smaller movements; our work with longer blades makes our movements bigger and I really feel like we could find our way to shorter stuff if we'd just put on some helmets and stab each other. But nobody ever steps up to the plate no matter the degree of interest. Go figure.

 

Anyway, afterward, went to play board games with the friend group. Played a rousing game of Betrayal during which I and the Jealous Friend both got knocked out. In a surprise turn, he actually invited me to come play another game with him on the side, and we actually got on pretty well. So, huh. That was interesting. Also met the Divorcee Friend's new boyfriend; we went out drinking afterward and talked about Marx and Kropotkin and video games. Dude's a blue collar intellectual. I like this man.

 

Next day, got up and smashed my old record on the test workout that AX-1 uses to determine if you're clear to progress to the next month. I'm cleared. It's good.  Got out to box and then did BJJ on top of that. Couldn't quite pull an X-guard in randori, but was able to execute on a sweep, and the Coach says he can see me progressing. He doesn't get me in arm triangle chokes anymore; now he gets me in collar chokes instead. Progress.

 

Sunday really stands out to me, though, because Divorcee Friend invited me out to dinner, and I told her what my plans were and that I wouldn't negotiate on them - and then she accepted it. No fuss or anything. The boyfriend did the cooking - he's good at that too. But otherwise we just hung out and watched YouTube and were generally silly with each other.

 

So, it all just feels like I've begun to renegotiate my foreign policy in my favor, and it seems to be appropriately so. It feels good. Like I'm being a friend rather than a doormat.

 

Monday was relatively quiet. Went out to train, gamed, set the stage for one of the dual campaigns we have going on in Harn. Good stuff.

 

Tuesday I got called into a meeting about how we're going to get my caseload back under control. It hit me wrong - I came out of it feeling like I was being micromanaged to death, and to be fair it's certainly more than it was before, but I was able to hit the micromanaged goals today in about an hour without any fuss, so I dunno. Feelings are like seasons - they come, they last their time, and then they go, and they are neither good nor bad. But there was something about yesterday that knocked me on my ass and kept me there, and I didn't really get up again until I finished training last night. Didn't make karate or boxing - I could have, but I was just really depressed and angry and I thought that with the Karate class being full of kids and also apparently with my pay status being questionable that I just couldn't see my way to dealing with it.

 

I went home, inquired my finances, and made some adjustments, went and skipped rope and shadowboxed and wound up feeling better. Came to work today and knocked out my new expectations in about an hour without any muss or fuss. It actually feels better, like I've got some direction to go in now.

 

So, yeah. Dunno what last night was but it didn't last. Tonight should be relatively easy - some quick ab stuff and that's really all. Test weeks like this tend to function more like deloads than anything else, which suits me fine.

[Tanktimus the Encourager]

9 minutes ago, Kishi said:

Yeah. It's weird. I've given it a pass in the past because I just assumed it was weakness in them and that I'd been placed in their lives to offer my strength to them. But maybe the time for that is over now. I dunno.

You can help non-toxic people that way. But when someone is mired in toxic behavior, they have to choose for themselves to stop being toxic before other people, like you, can successfully help them.

[Urgan]

29 minutes ago, Kishi said:

So, it all just feels like I've begun to renegotiate my foreign policy in my favor, and it seems to be appropriately so. It feels good. Like I'm being a friend rather than a doormat.

 

Darn skippy. The more unproductive stress you can cut from your life, the better. The better to put into training, personal responsibilities, and helping people who act like (mostly) functioning human beings. 

 

32 minutes ago, Kishi said:

Tuesday I got called into a meeting about how we're going to get my caseload back under control. It hit me wrong - I came out of it feeling like I was being micromanaged to death, and to be fair it's certainly more than it was before, but I was able to hit the micromanaged goals today in about an hour without any fuss, so I dunno. Feelings are like seasons - they come, they last their time, and then they go, and they are neither good nor bad. But there was something about yesterday that knocked me on my ass and kept me there, and I didn't really get up again until I finished training last night. Didn't make karate or boxing - I could have, but I was just really depressed and angry and I thought that with the Karate class being full of kids and also apparently with my pay status being questionable that I just couldn't see my way to dealing with it.

 

I know this is beating a very dead horse, but you need a new gig, man. The good thing about being micromanaged is, if you can jump through the hoops, it proves you aren't the problem. Sucks you have to prove yourself innocent, but that's how it be until you turn in your 2 weeks'. In the meanwhile, cast your net everywhere you know about, even that person who you don't think has any good leads for you. If you make it clear what you need and don't back down, it's one step toward a better future than you are presently, an exercise of job hunting that forces you to think about your career from someone who might not be that super close to you? Or don't go to her specifically, find someone else to do the exercise with who you trust.  

[Kishi]

2 hours ago, Tanktimus the Encourager said:

You can help non-toxic people that way. But when someone is mired in toxic behavior, they have to choose for themselves to stop being toxic before other people, like you, can successfully help them. 

 

Yeah. You're right. You're absolutely right.

 

You can't see it but I'm firmly nodding in your general direction.

 

1 hour ago, Urgan said:

Darn skippy. The more unproductive stress you can cut from your life, the better. The better to put into training, personal responsibilities, and helping people who act like (mostly) functioning human beings. 

 

Yup. Like I said. Life felt good while that was going on. Felt like I could be there for people who wanted to be there for me, and like the extra stuff was on my terms as opposed to just theirs. I suppose it'll be harder when something comes up where I can't make it work for everyone, but. That's life, right?

 

3 hours ago, Urgan said:

I know this is beating a very dead horse, but you need a new gig, man. The good thing about being micromanaged is, if you can jump through the hoops, it proves you aren't the problem. Sucks you have to prove yourself innocent, but that's how it be until you turn in your 2 weeks'. In the meanwhile, cast your net everywhere you know about, even that person who you don't think has any good leads for you. If you make it clear what you need and don't back down, it's one step toward a better future than you are presently, an exercise of job hunting that forces you to think about your career from someone who might not be that super close to you? Or don't go to her specifically, find someone else to do the exercise with who you trust.  

 

Oh, I do trust her. I think she was just reaching for low-hanging fruit with her job. I do think she'll try to push me toward her place, but I can stand firm with it.

 

In the meantime, I guess I get to prove my quality.

[Kishi]

So, training didn't happen last night. Just junk food and Chernobyl. No regrets.

 

Tonight will be BJJ at least. The boxing coach says he wants to get with me and he said he could do tonight, so we'll see what happens. Should be fun.

[Kishi]

Welp, boxing coach forgot, but given that one, it was his day off, and two, that there's some funny business happening with people negotiating his rates without asking him again, I couldn't feel bad about it. I told him to take the night off and get some rest.

 

Ky-sensei reached out to me to see how I'm doing. I told him life was hard but that it was steadying out again and that I'd be back soon. There was no guilt attached to it, just genuine concern, and I was actually really touched.

 

The dojo's putting out a women's self defense thing. I invited the women in the friend group out, but I don't think they're going to come. Which is honestly fine. I'm not convinced that we're not going to give bad advice; I know for a fact that if Manong decides to teach the knife that they're not gonna be anywhere near anything like something they could use. This seminar's actually somewhat fraught for us - Manong initially wanted a grappling section and wanted me to teach it; I gave him a hard pass and said he should get, oh I don't know, one of the actual judo or BJJ coaches to teach.

 

But yeah, it's totally being run as a way to drum up business for the dojo. Which I get, but I kind of feel like we're going to offer a subpar product as a means of getting more people into the school, and miss me with that. I don't assume longevity in training; whatever brief amount of time we have needs to be spent giving good things they can take with them and the goodness of the product should be what brings them back, if they were ever going to come back at all.

 

Fwah, so yeah. Anyway.

 

No boxing last night. Did go do BJJ, though. Worked more on X-guard; tried to throw it a few times in randori but it just didn't come out right. Oh well. It happens. Still, got praised for strong defense and good survival instincts; broke out of a bunch of locks that I wouldn't have figured my way out of a month ago. I joked and said that at this stage of the game, I'm like a dog chasing cars - if I got a good position, I wouldn't even know what to do with it.

 

Ran the test workout afterward and whoa buddy that sucked. Failed out hard. Think I'm gonna have to work around that in the future - these sessions are hard enough without coming in pre-fatigued.

 

But, uh, yeah. Otherwise, the grind goes on. Abs and shoulders tonight. Tomorrow will be office hours with the side gig and whatever comes next.

[Teirin]

5 hours ago, Kishi said:

The dojo's putting out a women's self defense thing. I invited the women in the friend group out, but I don't think they're going to come. Which is honestly fine. I'm not convinced that we're not going to give bad advice; I know for a fact that if Manong decides to teach the knife that they're not gonna be anywhere near anything like something they could use. This seminar's actually somewhat fraught for us - Manong initially wanted a grappling section and wanted me to teach it; I gave him a hard pass and said he should get, oh I don't know, one of the actual judo or BJJ coaches to teach.

 

But yeah, it's totally being run as a way to drum up business for the dojo. Which I get, but I kind of feel like we're going to offer a subpar product as a means of getting more people into the school, and miss me with that. I don't assume longevity in training; whatever brief amount of time we have needs to be spent giving good things they can take with them and the goodness of the product should be what brings them back, if they were ever going to come back at all.

 

I have been there and done that, and using it as a sales pitch absolutely comes through.  It left a bad feeling, and we were pretty sure that people vastly overestimated what they learned from 6 sessions.  We tried to be as clear as possible about what we could and could not teach them and it just did not work.  

[Tanktimus the Encourager]

In addition to you being respectful of women with your choice it's also an example of you sticking up for yourself. In light of all that's been discussed about you dealing with toxicity around you this is an excellent example of good ways for you to set boundaries. Not trying to say that asking you to teach that class was necessarily toxic, I am saying that the skill you used in say no to this is the kind of skill that will be helpful to you in detoxifying your environment.

[Urgan]

20 minutes ago, Tanktimus the Encourager said:

In addition to you being respectful of women with your choice it's also an example of you sticking up for yourself. In light of all that's been discussed about you dealing with toxicity around you this is an excellent example of good ways for you to set boundaries. Not trying to say that asking you to teach that class was necessarily toxic, I am saying that the skill you used in say no to this is the kind of skill that will be helpful to you in detoxifying your environment.

 

Yeah, I don't think it merits the word "toxic," either. It's not put on in bad faith. I definitely recognize the squicky sense that you're being asked to participate in a (perhaps elaborately) disguised clown show. Sounds like you don't wanna join the circus, Kishi. Some people might not like hearing "no," but they'll get used to hearing it whenever they ask you to commit to stupid.

[Kishi]

On ‎5‎/‎31‎/‎2019 at 3:59 PM, Teirin said:

 

I have been there and done that, and using it as a sales pitch absolutely comes through.  It left a bad feeling, and we were pretty sure that people vastly overestimated what they learned from 6 sessions.  We tried to be as clear as possible about what we could and could not teach them and it just did not work.  

 

Sorry it worked out that way. But see, that's helpful to know. My paranoia isn't always warranted, but it's good to know when it is. Another thing that's throwing me about this is that the boxing coach is bringing some women folk over from the Krav school. Krav folk have a tendency to act like they're compensating for something; they love to try to take over a room, and I can just see our prospective students either being turned off by that or else being taken by them over to their school. Which, I mean. Good for them in the long run, but bad for us.

 

On ‎5‎/‎31‎/‎2019 at 4:27 PM, Tanktimus the Encourager said:

In addition to you being respectful of women with your choice it's also an example of you sticking up for yourself. In light of all that's been discussed about you dealing with toxicity around you this is an excellent example of good ways for you to set boundaries. Not trying to say that asking you to teach that class was necessarily toxic, I am saying that the skill you used in say no to this is the kind of skill that will be helpful to you in detoxifying your environment.

 

On ‎5‎/‎31‎/‎2019 at 4:53 PM, Urgan said:

 

Yeah, I don't think it merits the word "toxic," either. It's not put on in bad faith. I definitely recognize the squicky sense that you're being asked to participate in a (perhaps elaborately) disguised clown show. Sounds like you don't wanna join the circus, Kishi. Some people might not like hearing "no," but they'll get used to hearing it whenever they ask you to commit to stupid.

 

Oh yeah. These aren't bad people. They aren't asking or acting in bad faith. I just think that they're so focused on the short term that they're neglecting the long term. And you throw in my own foibles about learning fighting - admittedly fomented in a pretty hard, arguably abusive environment but still effective - and, well, you can see how I'd be digging my heels in and agitating for high-quality teaching.

 

Of course, then again, we still struggle as communicators in this place. Maybe I'm misreading the whole thing and everything will be just f- dammit, I can't even type it and believe it. Oh well. I guess we'll see.

 

*

 

So! Friday training was good. Abz and shoulders for the win.

 

Saturday, went off and did the side gig for a while longer than planned, but it was fun and I was glad to do so. Lost out on some knife work but on the whole I consider the trade to be a good one. Went out drinking with some friends at a new brewery in Cary afterward, which wound up being an all-night thing. A good day, I think.

 

Sunday was something of an assault. New month, new training. Hit it hard and went to box. Ran into manong there and got caught up on the business of things. We're entering into a partnership with a local outreach organization that tries to help disadvantaged youth. Saturday was apparently an open house for them. These were hood kids and it apparently showed, and it wasn't helped by the outreach org apparently deciding to just dump the whole lot of 30 on the dojo when it's crowded with 8. So, uh, that was apparently a thing. Ultimately, it looks like they're going to be split into different classes depending on their ages and temperaments; I don't know if that means we're going to have a bunch of full classes or what. Guess training's going to get interesting for a while, although I'm not clear on whether the roll out is happening immediately or what. We didn't have a bunch of new bodies in class Sunday, neither for boxing nor for kid or adult BJJ.

 

But yeah, got out on the mats and boxed for a bit. All the shadowboxing is paying off; I was super-sharp and was able to spar well without a noticeable change in effort. Coach has decided we're cleared for headgear; now I need to figure out what good headgear is. Fun times. @Machete, if you got any favorites, I'd love to know.

 

Monday came out of nowhere and sucked. Sunday night my brakes started squealing. So I took 'em to a close by shop on Monday where I got a lot of necessary things done. The price was right, but it was a lot of stuff on top of the brakes - fluids needing to be done, etc. Between that and rent, I'm pretty much tapped on everything for the next month. I still went to work like a dumbass because I had cases that needed to be worked and I knew I wasn't going to get any help. Got there, struggled for a while, and then my sinuses started draining again. Sickness strikes again.

 

Sure does seem to be coming on faster than it used to. I don't get sick, and the only thing that's really changed in the past couple of months has been the training regimen. Which means I'm overtraining. Again.

 

Dammit. I liked this program too.

 

Today the symptoms are worse, so that means I'm doing too much and need to slow down. And stay off the mats. So even though I was ready to leave at 5:30, it didn't really make sense to because where am I gonna go but home? So I'm staying late. Again.

 

So, yeah, guess I'm on deload week for a while 'til I figure out how I'm going to move forward from here. In the long term, this is going to be a good thing because I took a lot of good from this and I incorporate a lot of the PT stuff into what I'm doing. I'm thinking I'll go back to this program from back in the day; I think if I do it with the things I've learned under AX, I'll get a lot of longevity out of it and get a lot done without getting sick or hurting myself.

 

But in the meantime, yoga and lots of rest. Since this head thing has a lot of the marks of a sinusitis, I'm thinking about getting a neti pot and making a point of flushing my sinuses. Also, adding in vitamin C to the mix again; it can't cure this, but it can prevent it.

[Mistr]

I'm glad to hear that things are going better with your friends.

 

I agree with what's been said before about you looking for a better job.

 

On 5/24/2019 at 12:34 PM, Kishi said:

Yup. It's this one in particular. "You may not do a good job by coming in on time, but you will come in on time." Because that makes sense.

On 5/29/2019 at 11:16 AM, Kishi said:

Yup. Originally we had a pretty strict enforcement of life-work balance, but the building's been opened to extended hours, and the new supervisor's pretty strict with me in terms of deadlines and such. That's the reason I've been working so late: between a bloated caseload and the insistence that certain cases will be done, by damn, no matter how long it takes, there's just not a way for me to get out of here on time even if I'm getting here on time. So I figured, why bother?

 

Except that now my supervisor and my supervisor's supervisor have both said I need to come in on time, so whatever. I have to make of it what I can.

 

As far as getting work done it does not make sense, true. For documenting compliance with rules it is a supervisor's dream. From a HR point of view, it is hard to document work quality. There are metrics that can be tracked for some things. You are easily doing the things your boss requested. You can show that you are working on your cases and making progress. Management does not have a leg to stand on if they want to dismiss you or fail to give you a raise for the quality of your work. But they can easily point out how many days you were late.

 

On 5/29/2019 at 11:16 AM, Kishi said:

Yeah. The hard part is, I'm not really sure what to do as far as going to something else. I do have a friend who specializes in resume stuff, but I also know she's going to try to pull me over to where she's working which is the lower-paying job. She'll do it from a good place, but that's not something I need right now.

 

Ramit Sethi has some interesting material on finding a better job and setting yourself up for a good interview. He is a friend of Steve Kamb.

 

On 5/29/2019 at 11:16 AM, Kishi said:

Yeah. It's weird. I've given it a pass in the past because I just assumed it was weakness in them and that I'd been placed in their lives to offer my strength to them. But maybe the time for that is over now. I dunno.

On 5/29/2019 at 11:16 AM, Kishi said:

So, it all just feels like I've begun to renegotiate my foreign policy in my favor, and it seems to be appropriately so. It feels good. Like I'm being a friend rather than a doormat.

 

Some things happen for a reason and some things just happen. I see a lot of "it was meant to be" used to justify a person not taking responsibility for their own inaction. Certainly there is a lot of utility in being able to cope with whatever life throws at you. There is even more benefit in taking a hard look at all the options and taking proactive steps to make your life better.

 

You are not responsible for making anybody else's life better. You might offer your strength as a gift from time to time. You negotiate to use your skills to benefit others for pay. In all cases, YOU decide how to spend your time and energy.

 

On 5/29/2019 at 11:16 AM, Kishi said:

I went home, inquired my finances, and made some adjustments, went and skipped rope and shadowboxed and wound up feeling better. Came to work today and knocked out my new expectations in about an hour without any muss or fuss. It actually feels better, like I've got some direction to go in now.

 

I'm glad that you've made peace with your work situation for now. That gives you some space to investigate other options. "Communicates well in written and spoken English" is a sought-after skill in lots and lots of fields. They can teach you the industry-specific stuff; they don't want to teach communication skills. You might be surprised just how hard it is to find people with good communication skills. That means you could potentially go in lots of career directions. You got where you are largely by accident. Your next move could be deliberate.

 

14 hours ago, Kishi said:

Sure does seem to be coming on faster than it used to. I don't get sick, and the only thing that's really changed in the past couple of months has been the training regimen. Which means I'm overtraining. Again.

 

Dammit. I liked this program too.

 

Today the symptoms are worse, so that means I'm doing too much and need to slow down. And stay off the mats. So even though I was ready to leave at 5:30, it didn't really make sense to because where am I gonna go but home? So I'm staying late. Again.

 

Taking some recovery time sounds like a good idea. Maybe go hiking and get away from all the input for a few hours? You have a lot of things to sort out.

[Urgan]

15 hours ago, Kishi said:

Between that and rent, I'm pretty much tapped on everything for the next month. I still went to work like a dumbass because I had cases that needed to be worked and I knew I wasn't going to get any help. Got there, struggled for a while, and then my sinuses started draining again. Sickness strikes again.

 

Sure does seem to be coming on faster than it used to. I don't get sick, and the only thing that's really changed in the past couple of months has been the training regimen. Which means I'm overtraining. Again.

 

Dammit. I liked this program too.

 

Today the symptoms are worse, so that means I'm doing too much and need to slow down. And stay off the mats. So even though I was ready to leave at 5:30, it didn't really make sense to because where am I gonna go but home? So I'm staying late. Again.

 

I don't think you were a dumbass. You might have felt sickness coming on, but sometimes it takes a while to confirm it's sickness vs sleep debt or exhaustion from whatever happened the prior day(s). There's been many a time where I ended up going home that I sort of sensed maaaaybe I was headed downhill but it's hard to be sure sometimes when you first wake up. Sometimes illness does slap you right back into bed, but sometimes not so much.

 

You have, however, constructed for yourself Martial Arts Crossfit, it seems.

[Kishi]

5 hours ago, Mistr said:

As far as getting work done it does not make sense, true. For documenting compliance with rules it is a supervisor's dream. From a HR point of view, it is hard to document work quality. There are metrics that can be tracked for some things. You are easily doing the things your boss requested. You can show that you are working on your cases and making progress. Management does not have a leg to stand on if they want to dismiss you or fail to give you a raise for the quality of your work. But they can easily point out how many days you were late.

 

I mean, I was able to do it for months before anyone said anything about it, so it can't have been that big a deal. I honestly think it's my new supervisor throwing her weight around and it causing our mutual supervisor to feel like she has to straighten things up. But whatever. We still can't hire enough people and we're still bleeding employees out as it is, and with my ability to point to work being done it's not like I'm in danger of losing this job.

 

5 hours ago, Mistr said:

Ramit Sethi has some interesting material on finding a better job and setting yourself up for a good interview. He is a friend of Steve Kamb.

 

I've read some of his work before. Might need to give him another look, thanks!

 

5 hours ago, Mistr said:

Some things happen for a reason and some things just happen. I see a lot of "it was meant to be" used to justify a person not taking responsibility for their own inaction. Certainly there is a lot of utility in being able to cope with whatever life throws at you. There is even more benefit in taking a hard look at all the options and taking proactive steps to make your life better.

 

You are not responsible for making anybody else's life better. You might offer your strength as a gift from time to time. You negotiate to use your skills to benefit others for pay. In all cases, YOU decide how to spend your time and energy.

 

Right. Sometimes we are the reason things happen to us, and sometimes there just wasn't anything else to be done.

 

FWIW, I've never felt as if it wasn't my choice. I'm just insecure about what people see in me as a person they'd want to be friends with, and I don't value a lot of what they value in me. To be clear, this is a matter of a skewed perspective. It's been pointed out to me a lot that I'm unusual in a lot of good ways, and I rationally get it, so I'm not trolling for compliments. It's just something I have to work on. Which I am.

 

5 hours ago, Mistr said:

I'm glad that you've made peace with your work situation for now. That gives you some space to investigate other options. "Communicates well in written and spoken English" is a sought-after skill in lots and lots of fields. They can teach you the industry-specific stuff; they don't want to teach communication skills. You might be surprised just how hard it is to find people with good communication skills. That means you could potentially go in lots of career directions. You got where you are largely by accident. Your next move could be deliberate.

 

True, and one thing that I really need to think about and consider is that I don't necessarily have to continue as an analyst. There might be other stuff I could do that would take a better look at me now that I've got 3 years of "grown up" work under my belt.

 

5 hours ago, Mistr said:

Taking some recovery time sounds like a good idea. Maybe go hiking and get away from all the input for a few hours? You have a lot of things to sort out.

 

Maybe. I dunno. We'll see how I'm doing Saturday.

 

5 hours ago, Urgan said:

I don't think you were a dumbass. You might have felt sickness coming on, but sometimes it takes a while to confirm it's sickness vs sleep debt or exhaustion from whatever happened the prior day(s). There's been many a time where I ended up going home that I sort of sensed maaaaybe I was headed downhill but it's hard to be sure sometimes when you first wake up. Sometimes illness does slap you right back into bed, but sometimes not so much.

 

Well I just mean in the sense that I could have taken the rest of the day off for all the good it did me in terms of how productive I was. I did get those cases done that needed to be done but who wants to spend 4 hours working on 3 cases? Just didn't focus well and when the sinuses started to drain I was like "Welp."

 

5 hours ago, Urgan said:

You have, however, constructed for yourself Martial Arts Crossfit, it seems.

 

Hah, I suppose I have.  A lot less failure and a lot more face pulls, though. Lots of corrective work and gradually pushing the envelope in terms of what's possible. Also probably going to do more ab work what with my continuing need for Iron Shirt practice. This'll actually give me an opportunity to practice some of the stuff that my bro gave me, so on the whole... yeah. I'm actually pretty excited. Just got to get unsick first.

 

*

 

So, went out and got a Neti pot and flushed my sinuses. It was weird, man. Also, I tried to breathe through my nose too much, so I drank a little salt water. But, the trade off is that my sinuses feel a lot better today than they did yesterday. Good trade.

 

Otherwise, not much to say. I stayed late at work, then went home and just took it easy. Did some yoga and just relaxed. Felt good.

 

Today should really be more of the same, although I'll be getting out closer to on time to go hang with my friend and see the final ep of Chernobyl tonight. When I went outside on break, a little jumping spider crawled on me. I've got a history of arachnophobia which I've been trying to deal with, so instead of freaking out I gave her a hand, talked for a bit, and then put her back on the picnic table before going back inside. Feels like a major win for me.

[Urgan]

1 hour ago, Kishi said:

Hah, I suppose I have.  A lot less failure and a lot more face pulls, though. Lots of corrective work and gradually pushing the envelope in terms of what's possible. Also probably going to do more ab work what with my continuing need for Iron Shirt practice. This'll actually give me an opportunity to practice some of the stuff that my bro gave me, so on the whole... yeah. I'm actually pretty excited. Just got to get unsick first.

 

That is true. And on the other side of the coin is operating most everything at "performance" level intensity/volume, even if it is just shy of systemic failure--most of the time, anyhow. At least you don't seem to be doing all of your training for time. To be fair, as far as this latest sinus issue goes, more than likely the non-training stress of both main and side hustle coworkers tipped the balance against you unless you've been sneaking in some extra work somewhere. Work stress is just awful for training. 

[Kishi]

50 minutes ago, Urgan said:

 

That is true. And on the other side of the coin is operating most everything at "performance" level intensity/volume, even if it is just shy of systemic failure--most of the time, anyhow. At least you don't seem to be doing all of your training for time. To be fair, as far as this latest sinus issue goes, more than likely the non-training stress of both main and side hustle coworkers tipped the balance against you unless you've been sneaking in some extra work somewhere. Work stress is just awful for training. 

 

Nah, no extra work this time. Although a lot of people around me have been sick. I usually don't catch that stuff, so either it's stress or it's super-bugs. I'm veering toward stress as the answer just because it tracks with past incidents.

[Kishi]

Wednesday down. Went and saw the final episode of Chernobyl. I was afraid this was going to suck, but it really, really didn't. Knocked it out of the park. It was so good that we actually watched it again when the friend's wife came home, because Star Trek Discovery just didn't feel right afterward. Drank a lot of homemade bourbon and reveled in company.

 

Today, feeling a bit better. Not as much sinus pressure, so not as much dizziness, so not so bad. Still not cleared to get back in the ring, though.

 

I've had to do IF for the past couple of days as I've gotten down late enough that the only way to get enough sleep and get to work on time is to skip on meal prep. It's been okay, although meeting my caloric goals has been kind of hard to do; I'd forgot how hard it was to cram everything into one solid meal. I dunno what the plan is, going forward; if I'm honest about it, I'm kind of feeling drawn to the Warrior Diet right now as it involves small meals around activity and then a large at night, which just... suits me right now. Of course, the trick with that being then that if you aren't being active and you don't have other meals to get energy from, you just get that one big meal which is... a lot.

 

Just something to fiddle with. Meal timing doesn't seem to matter much for my body's purposes right now so much as overall intake, so it's a matter of figuring out what's convenient (because that's what's consistent) and what isn't. I think that means that, as this is scheduled, it's gonna wind up that there are some days with a lot of food, and some days with not a lot. And TBH? I think that's pretty okay.

[Machete]

On 6/4/2019 at 7:05 PM, Kishi said:

But yeah, got out on the mats and boxed for a bit. All the shadowboxing is paying off; I was super-sharp and was able to spar well without a noticeable change in effort. Coach has decided we're cleared for headgear; now I need to figure out what good headgear is. Fun times. @Machete, if you got any favorites, I'd love to know.

 

I'm all about the Twins or Fairtex.

[Kishi]

19 hours ago, Machete said:

 

I'm all about the Twins or Fairtex.

 

Nice. I had a feeling when I saw them? But I wasn't sure.

 

*

 

The days roll by quietly. It is what they do.

 

Worked late, got home, did work I wanted to do, ate and slept. Felt nice. Woke up, still not feeling great. Man. I must really have done a number on the system for it to last like this. But it is progressing, and I am doing better, and while it bugs me that I won't be able to get on the mats this weekend, I'm sure that getting good rest will help a great deal.

 

Another quiet night tonight, I reckon.

[Machete]

1 hour ago, Kishi said:

 

Nice. I had a feeling when I saw them? But I wasn't sure.

 

*

 

The days roll by quietly. It is what they do.

 

Worked late, got home, did work I wanted to do, ate and slept. Felt nice. Woke up, still not feeling great. Man. I must really have done a number on the system for it to last like this. But it is progressing, and I am doing better, and while it bugs me that I won't be able to get on the mats this weekend, I'm sure that getting good rest will help a great deal.

 

Another quiet night tonight, I reckon.

 

Studies show that it don't seem like it be but it do.

[Mistr]

On 6/5/2019 at 1:04 PM, Kishi said:

So, went out and got a Neti pot and flushed my sinuses. It was weird, man. Also, I tried to breathe through my nose too much, so I drank a little salt water. But, the trade off is that my sinuses feel a lot better today than they did yesterday. Good trade.

 

Yep. That is the universal reaction to using a Neti pot for the first time. FYI, it is smart to use distilled water when flushing your sinuses. Tap water may contain bacteria or minerals that are bad for you. There has been at least one case of a person getting some horrible microbe that killed them.

 

On 6/5/2019 at 1:04 PM, Kishi said:

When I went outside on break, a little jumping spider crawled on me. I've got a history of arachnophobia which I've been trying to deal with, so instead of freaking out I gave her a hand, talked for a bit, and then put her back on the picnic table before going back inside. Feels like a major win for me.

 

Yay for personal development!