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Kishi

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21 minutes ago, Urgan said:

Mainly I just don't want you to die in the pursuit of all things at top speed simultaneously. That would be bad. There is NOTHING inherently wrong or inferior with trying to maintain a certain body fat % any more than one might want to be hyooge if it helps boost your self-confidence into a healthy place. Which does help in the girl-getting biz, funnily enough. Nothing is worse than someone whose sole party trick is self-deprecation. Nothing. Ugh. Do Not Want.

 

You gotta like you, dude. 

 

Oh yeah, yeah, definitely! I totally do! Right off the top of my head:

  1. I'm strong enough to lift people's couches and have done so on a fairly continuous basis.
  2. I'm well-read.
  3. I take good care in my grooming habits.
  4. I can pay my bills and my credit score doesn't suck.
  5. I do good, necessary work.
  6. *BONUS* I'm probably not as nice a guy as I think I am, but I'm not half bad either. :D

I like me plenty one way or the other. I kind of always figured that if I got a lower BF % that somehow I would have lots of confidence, but the truth is, I haven't really ever gotten to that point, and in the meantime I have lots of things to be confident about regardless. So. ¯_(ツ)_/¯

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Nah dude, you got an uncle iroh gif cause you earned one.  You're swell I'm glad you like you.

 

And confidence is much more important for the ladies than a slightly lower body fat%.  TBH, it's obvious which guys take care of themselves, and which ones don't, and it has nothing to do with squinting and estimating whether or not they're doing a raw, south beach style, or DASH diet.  If you could choose between 2% less body fat or 20% more confidence, I might say go for the confidence if it's feasible.  

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2 hours ago, Treva said:

Nah dude, you got an uncle iroh gif cause you earned one.  You're swell I'm glad you like you.

 

And confidence is much more important for the ladies than a slightly lower body fat%.  TBH, it's obvious which guys take care of themselves, and which ones don't, and it has nothing to do with squinting and estimating whether or not they're doing a raw, south beach style, or DASH diet.  If you could choose between 2% less body fat or 20% more confidence, I might say go for the confidence if it's feasible.  

 

I mean, in as much as confidence is a measurable, adjustable attribute.

 

But yeah. I think I've just been telling myself for a while that I needed to work on my life more before I tried to pursue that kind of thing, but after years of work and not being any closer to being done, it's probable that I need to think about this differently.

 

*

 

So, yesterday the plan was judo and then push ups, but it was one of those rare nights where everything went right at work so I got out early, did my push ups, and then went to judo.

 

Push ups and straddle planche work went well, with push ups going well enough that I feel like doing a rep test is a good idea next week.

 

Judo afterward was focused on lots of metagame stuff. After working on some uchikomi, we played around with grips and moving an opponent who's trying to 'anchor' or draw you into something by forcing them to draw shido for lack of dynamic movement. J-sensei showed structural strength with his grip, which was scary. Worked on use of transition to get top grip. And, uh, yeah.

 

Basically, it was a clinic for one of the brownbelts who isn't practicing on his own in the way that he needs to, as he doesn't seem to remember the things we go over in class specifically to help him. He's still showing a lot of his movement problems, and it got him rocked at the last shiai he went to. "Well, at least my cardio was good." Yeah, bruh, but you're trading cardio for skill development and it's a bad trade, particularly at your level.

 

Not that I have any room to talk as far as needing more practice... as I definitely need more practice.

 

Anyway. Gonna have to train from home today on account of needing to get my gi washed. Gonna see if I can get the deck squats down to the floor today, as well as do the high rows, hollow body tuck holds, and metabolic work. Probably metcon it up today on account of the weather as opposed to sprinting.

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So, trained from home yesterday.

 

The notes regarding deck squats are a bit messy; the gist of it is that I did my warm up sets fine, but couldn't complete deck squats yet. The form isn't as bad as it used to be, which is good! It does, however, seem that I'm still not very good at getting my center of gravity over my legs out of the roll. Better than I used to be, but not as good as I want to be. I wound up rolling up an old mat off the step to simulate the height I needed, which worked, but I definitely started getting to the point where I was failing again and I don't know how that'll translate to the amount of mats I'm using in the gym.

 

One thing that I think I'm going to start doing, though, is switching up the integrated mobility to the step I'm working toward. So to explain: each one of these progressions I do consists of movement and an integrated mobility movement that is supersetted on top. Each movement is considered a step toward a feat - in other words, the Assisted Squats, Half Squats, and Full Squats are all preparatory elements of an ultimate skill that I am building toward. The Elevated Deck Squats are their own step, but one of the suggested progressions to transition from Elevated to Full Deck Squatting is to gradually lower your elevation over time. Since this lowered elevation is considered part of the Full Deck Squat Step, it makes sense to me to use that Step's integrated mobility, even though I'm technically doing an earlier Step with its own mobility.

 

High rows were next. Had to space them out a bit, but so far so good. No pain during, no pain today after.

 

And, in a surprise, I was able to hit progression standards for my hollow body tuck holds, which is pretty exciting! Something about the burn didn't scare me off, and I just got right back to it. Burned the whole time, but held solid the whole time too.

 

Karate afterward was good. Again, lots of work on the karate section of the demo. Managed to fix some errors, but it'd be good if I could shadowbox this out just to get the muscle memory comfy with my parts in it.

 

I'll probably be training at home tonight since I can do my strength work at home and also I need to get my gi cleaned up. Shadowboxing with those boxes will be... fun.

 

Dietetically, I indulged pretty hard yesterday. We had a food truck come by work and I was able to get a pork belly quesadilla. It satisfied something in me that I didn't know I needed to be satisfied. But yeah, that blew my macros pretty hard, so I made a point to get some extra protein and ate my lunch like everything was normal. Dinner was Quest Bars, meat paddies, and Halo Top. And some Ben & Jerry's.

 

Today, I have no appetite, so I'm not eating until supper time. I think I want to experiment with this going forward - since I don't tend to shy away from indulgence, I think it's appropriate to manufacture some scarcity in. Only enough to balance out indulgence. Because that's what maintenance is - it's balance. Of course, I don't know how some of these are going to work given my training schedules, but these should be acute stressors rather than chronic stressors, and I don't think they should do me or my work any harm if I manage them properly.

 

The other thing that happened yesterday is that I failed to help a couple of people who are marginalized. I'm not comfy discussing the nature of their marginalization in public cyberspace, but suffice it to say that they were victims of systemic violence, and I had the power to do something about it and I failed to do so.

 

In one case, I couldn't help because of the choices that the person made. I felt saddened for that person, but also I felt disappointed in myself because it was a situation where I'd primed myself to do something good and I couldn't. In the other, it was a person who didn't appear to be in their right mind and whom I had the ability to call for help for and I didn't.

 

Today I'm vacillating between guilt and a sense of the randomness of it all - that these were people who got where they were as a result of chronic systemic problems and their own choices, and that I as a random person who came across them probably couldn't have helped them in the long term ways that they needed, and that nevertheless I should have tried.

 

But the flip side of that is that I work in government services trying to restore dignity to marginalized people who are undergoing some of the worst days of their lives. It's like I've told @Teirin - compassion fatigue is a real thing, and I spend my days helping people, either by approving aid for those whom I can prove need it, or safeguarding the trust of the taxpayers in preventing aid from going to people who are trying to game the system.

 

I just don't know how to feel about anything right now, and I can't go back and fix this to see if something different would have been better.

 

Anyway. Today is a new day. Whatever happens, I need to be a better man than I am.

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No one is in a position to tell you how you should feel for multiple reasons, just try to remember you're a human who is doing the best he can to operate within several sets of rules. Compassion cannot always make it so, sadly. Especially when the hole dug is sufficiently deep. If nothing else, you can pray for them, yes?

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10 minutes ago, Urgan said:

No one is in a position to tell you how you should feel for multiple reasons, just try to remember you're a human who is doing the best he can to operate within several sets of rules. Compassion cannot always make it so, sadly. Especially when the hole dug is sufficiently deep. If nothing else, you can pray for them, yes?

 

I can, and I did. For better or for worse, I'm the kind of person who believes that kind of thing matters. It's just that I've always told myself that prayers can't be the only thing you do. I've told myself that when you can, you need to act alongside them. Although even as I'm thinking about it, I don't know if even in the other case if calling for help would have done any good.

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2 minutes ago, Kishi said:

 

I can, and I did. For better or for worse, I'm the kind of person who believes that kind of thing matters. It's just that I've always told myself that prayers can't be the only thing you do. I've told myself that when you can, you need to act alongside them. Although even as I'm thinking about it, I don't know if even in the other case if calling for help would have done any good.

 

It's not yours to know. In fact, we can't know if the inaction you view as abdication were not the intended path, either. Life seems incredibly bizarre when viewed on the ground. The most important bit is you care about both hurt people and people's hard-earned money (which after all is the difference in prosperity and poverty much the same as the person whose case is in your lap), doing right by everyone involved to the best of your ability. That is not an easy balance to strike, there is no obvious dotted line saying "cut here" through your cases. If there is a lesson to learn here, I am sure you have learned it.

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21 hours ago, Urgan said:

 

It's not yours to know. In fact, we can't know if the inaction you view as abdication were not the intended path, either. Life seems incredibly bizarre when viewed on the ground. The most important bit is you care about both hurt people and people's hard-earned money (which after all is the difference in prosperity and poverty much the same as the person whose case is in your lap), doing right by everyone involved to the best of your ability. That is not an easy balance to strike, there is no obvious dotted line saying "cut here" through your cases. If there is a lesson to learn here, I am sure you have learned it.

 

Well, the lesson I'm taking from it at this point is that I've not been good about engaging in self-care for a while now, and I need to pick that back up. If for no other reason than that it extends willpower stores and makes further decision-making easier to do.

 

*

 

Quick update as I go out the door:

 

hit my handstand and side lever progressions like it was my job. Handstand work took more rest, but handstand work is a finicky beast in the best of times and doesn't act like most pure strength work anyway. Like Alan Thrall says, nothing wrong with more rest if it helps you get your reps.

 

Diet was on point yesterday also - I planned out a full day's eating, then only ate dinner. Woke up hungry today. Not sure how it's going to pan out, as there's supposed to be food after the Open House and also my folks were planning to come visit and food will be serving a social function today. I'm not certain what that means for tomorrow, as that's usually a pretty intense training day. But that's the risk I said I'd take.

 

Also, I've been writing more this week and I haven't been able to talk myself out of any of my awesome ideas because of that. Pretty cool.

 

Anyway. To work!

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On 5/18/2018 at 1:49 PM, Kishi said:

It's like I've told @Teirin - compassion fatigue is a real thing, and I spend my days helping people, either by approving aid for those whom I can prove need it, or safeguarding the trust of the taxpayers in preventing aid from going to people who are trying to game the system.

 

It is, and don't forget that bolded part.  I certainly can't tell you what you should have done, but I can say that I have realized that there were people I could have helped and didn't.  It's an awful feeling, but all I could do was recommit to doing better next time.  Practice your self-care!  You do need to recharge and you can't continue helping people if you don't take care of yourself too.  *hugs*

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17 hours ago, Teirin said:

 

It is, and don't forget that bolded part.  I certainly can't tell you what you should have done, but I can say that I have realized that there were people I could have helped and didn't.  It's an awful feeling, but all I could do was recommit to doing better next time.  Practice your self-care!  You do need to recharge and you can't continue helping people if you don't take care of yourself too.  *hugs*

 

Yep, you're right. You can't help others if you can't help yourself.

 

*

 

So! Here's how yesterday went. What I thought was that I'd be up and moving for about 3 hours or so and then I'd get a chance to eat all kinds of greasy food.

 

What happened was, I sat on the mats for a while as a body, then hit pads for a few minutes, then hit sticks for a few minutes. And that was it. Oh, and I didn't even touch the food - the kids in the school all got it instead, and I wound up staying after to do Kali w/ Manong.

 

In other words, it was an essentially normal Saturday. I went home after, hit up the Simple test again, and that was it.

 

To say nothing of the Open House itself, though. It went great! We had a full house - lots of old friends from around the area and some new people who we hope will stay. Mom and Dad came out to see me, which I thought was great. I was kind of disappointed that Brother didn't come out, but he had to DM, and I respect that. Also, I think he might have been an asshole again and tried to demonstrate the, heh, superiority of kung fu in our space. So, maybe I didn't miss out. /shrug

 

Anyway, on a life note, I have to admit something feels different in this dietary approach. I feel a very strong sense of control, moreso than I think I've ever felt. I wasn't disappointed that I missed out on food yesterday, and it felt like I switched gears seamlessly from one thing to the next.

 

Today, I plan to go over maintenance again, simply because I've got stuff in my freezer to clear out. But then I'll go under again tomorrow, and... I think it'll be fine.

 

Now, the real tricky part's going to be next weekend, because I'll be getting together w/ my Cultured Friend for dinner on Saturday and my family for D&D on Sunday. 2 days in a row might be trickier to deal with, although I have some thoughts about that.

 

Anyway. Onward to today!

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Sunday done. Nice and quiet, just what I needed. Got my laundry caught up, started working on another box.

 

(Incidentally, the people I chose to disappoint - work. I took off a little early and got rid of the electronics I meant to get rid of. I hope they recycle well).

 

Training went as follows:

 

Incline Push Ups: 1x9

Integrated Mobility: DONE

 

Push Ups: 4x9

Integrated Mobility: DONE

  • I read on the GB forums about these because I wanted to make sure just how much scap protraction I was supposed to be doing. The topic goes, "You don't have to..." and I was like YAY and then it says, "but it's a really good idea for the serratus," and I was like AWWWW.

Sprints: 8

  • Made it through the 6 power ones, but only a couple of the 3-steps before my feet started talking to me.

Tuck Ups: 1x9

Integrated Mobility: DONE

 

Straddle Tuck Ups: 5x3

Integrated Mobility: DONE

  • Sometimes I feel a tingle in my left quad when I do these, and sometimes I don't. I guess that means there's some technical stuff I gotta work out.

DB Pullover: 1x20x17.5

  • because some bugger stole the 20.

Active Row Hang: 1x35s/side.

  • Not bad. Elbow felt like it had been worked but not like it was hurt. It feels good today.

And that was that.

 

Decided to experiment w/ riced beets in my IP. Cooked well, came out tasting all right, and colored everything red. On the plus side, it means that my rice has been absorbing all the nutrients and cook off from my veggies, so I haven't lost anything for the steaming process. This is good to know.

 

I also covered all of it in my Dad's spaghetti sauce, which is less a sauce and more a meat soup that you put on top of pasta make a meal of it. I really underestimated how filling it would be, and I'd picked up some baked goods when I did the grocery shopping. I realized that I was way too full for cookies to be a good idea... and then I did them anyway. I don't make good decisions sometimes.

 

Anyway, lesson's learned, and while I woke up with a food hangover, it's doing better already. Fasting is helping me feel normal again.

 

Today should be a quiet, restful day. I dunno what gaming will bring, but I suppose we'll see when it comes.

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5 hours ago, Kishi said:

(Incidentally, the people I chose to disappoint - work.

 

Good.  But now I'm picturing you with a goal to disappoint X  people/week so you can get things done.

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31 minutes ago, Teirin said:

 

Good.  But now I'm picturing you with a goal to disappoint X  people/week so you can get things done.

 

With Kishi's schedule, that might have to actually be a thing.

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