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Kishi

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On 3/26/2019 at 1:26 PM, Kishi said:

Writing's going well. A lot of the time I would have used here at work got used on writing instead. I don't feel like this is a poor trade.

 

Nice. What are you working on?

 

Spoiler


On 3/26/2019 at 1:26 PM, Kishi said:

See, I totally disagree. The Ares fight at the end is a huge tonal shift that jars the whole story in the final act. Up until that point it's this very human exploration of the causes and costs of war. Diana's thesis is that people are essentially good at heart but that they're driven to badness by Ares. She spends the movie not finding him, and over the course of the film has to accept that there aren't really good guys or bad guys but just people trying to outlive each other. Steve, in the end, doesn't have the answer, but he has to go off and fight anyway. And right at that moment, just as it seems we're going to get a hard but true answer, Ares shows up. Because they had to follow the formula, see. Making its final thesis that "Really, wars are caused by David Thewlis, and you can solve war by punching David Thewlis in the face." There was real room for a Terry Pratchett style "There is no justice, there's just us" kind of ending but no.

Anyway, yeah. Glad I could clarify, hope I didn't step on toes in doing. :)

 

Eh, I disagree, LOL. Ares helped humans along into starting a war because in his mind humans are beneath him. They're violent and horrible and he thinks they deserve to not only die, but destroy each other in doing so. During the final battle scene, Diana finally accepts what she's been learning all throughout the movie -- that humans are violent and can be horrible, but they have good in them too. They are complicated and deserve a chance to find their way. She didn't choose Ares' path of hate, she chose the path of love instead. (And I say all this knowing that I haven't seen the movie in quite a while. So.)

 

Nah, you're fine, nothing wrong with having a different opinion. Just makes things interesting. ;) Hope I didn't step on toes either. 

 

 

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14 hours ago, Kishi said:

Welp. Signed my name on the dotted line. I'm in the tournament now. Only doing the fighting. I don't really know what time it's going to be, except that apparently there's kata and such first. Which is annoying; I have friends and even my brother saying they'd like to root me on, but nobody wants to commit to a full day.

 

It kind of makes me sad, but. Oh well. That's life, I guess. Besides, who knows? Maybe people will show up anyway. That'd be nice.

 

Is this tournament open to all ages? In the (karate) tournaments I volunteer with, they order the brackets such that youngest go first. Which suggests to me maybe you can inquire with the the tournament staff as to when your division will be competing and level with them about your friends wanting to support you but not being able to be there the whole day. Hopefully they don't close down ticket-buying when the tournament starts, not sure if that's a standard behavior. So complicated. That's if you want to bother going the extra mile, I know some people are more likely to come through for you and others flake out. * giant shrug *

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17 hours ago, Jupiter said:

Nice. What are you working on?

 

He's an arrogant kung fu coffee guy. She's a vampire barista. Together, they fight crime!

 

17 hours ago, Jupiter said:

 

  Reveal hidden contents

 

 

Spoiler

I mean, I can split the difference and say that the script and the lines said one thing, but the cinematography said something else. :P

 

Anyway, we're good. I'm glad you stop by for these things. :)

 

3 hours ago, Urgan said:

 

Is this tournament open to all ages? In the (karate) tournaments I volunteer with, they order the brackets such that youngest go first. Which suggests to me maybe you can inquire with the the tournament staff as to when your division will be competing and level with them about your friends wanting to support you but not being able to be there the whole day. Hopefully they don't close down ticket-buying when the tournament starts, not sure if that's a standard behavior. So complicated. That's if you want to bother going the extra mile, I know some people are more likely to come through for you and others flake out. * giant shrug *

 

It is an all-ages tournament, but it's not really clear as to whether or not they're splitting it up so that kids go first and adults go second. On the one hand, there's a ton of kids, but then again I've been to shiai before where they simply had kid's mats on one side and adult's on the other.

 

I did ask the staff about it and I have a start time for fighting, but I couldn't nail down more than that. It's not really clear if tickets are even for sale or if there's just no admission charge or what. Given that there are weight classes and people coming in from all over the East Coast (like from NYC and up in PA), I have a feeling we're waiting to iron out the specifics until everyone's here, weighed in, and ready to go.

 

Which makes it a butt for logistics, but that's the way of it I guess. At least when I was able to tell my folks and bro about it, they said they'd try to be there. Need to let my boxing coach know so he can do whatever he's going to do. So. Whole lot of we'll see.

 

*

 

So, Wednesday wound up being quieter than I thought it'd be. We'd initially talked about trading BSG for GoT (and he got reeeeeally excited when I told him I hadn't kept up), but that got sidelined when he had to make time for family. I respect that shit, so I stayed late at work instead.

 

After work, I went home and did CC push and pull progressions. I've taken to supersetting them to save time with a long rest afterward. They seem to be playing off of each other really well. I'm thinking about doing some more stuff on Monday then as well to bolster my leg and core work - everything's done so quickly, and it's much easier practice. I think I like the idea because it's a kind of training insurance, so if something comes up some day, I can leave the training behind and know that I'm going to come back and hit it again in a few days.

 

"Kishi, you're starting to sound like you do when Training Creep becomes a thing again."

 

I sure am! And I have to admit, the temptation to Do More is awful. But I'm staying where I am inasmuch as I can, and it's working well so far. I'm up to eight minutes skipping rope, and my ligamentous injuries are healing well; in fact, they feel better now than they have in a while, and I think this work is part of that.

 

So, yeah. That's life right now.

 

Definitely making BJJ tonight. Need to stay a little later to work on some things at work, as happens. I don't mind, though. I personally maintain that kata is something you do to make your kumite better, and the best way to do that is to practice the movements like you would if you were fighting. I suppose if talk of promotion comes up I'll have to start making time to get in there and practice, but it's very low-priority for me right now, especially with the work load being what it is.

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4 minutes ago, Kishi said:

It is an all-ages tournament, but it's not really clear as to whether or not they're splitting it up so that kids go first and adults go second. On the one hand, there's a ton of kids, but then again I've been to shiai before where they simply had kid's mats on one side and adult's on the other.

 

I did ask the staff about it and I have a start time for fighting, but I couldn't nail down more than that. It's not really clear if tickets are even for sale or if there's just no admission charge or what. Given that there are weight classes and people coming in from all over the East Coast (like from NYC and up in PA), I have a feeling we're waiting to iron out the specifics until everyone's here, weighed in, and ready to go.

 

Which makes it a butt for logistics, but that's the way of it I guess. At least when I was able to tell my folks and bro about it, they said they'd try to be there. Need to let my boxing coach know so he can do whatever he's going to do. So. Whole lot of we'll see.

 

A bigger tournament might have more mats to dedicate, also if they have lots of kids they might want get them done and outta there early. At least you've got a general time to work with and you can re-ask closer to time to confirm it?? Otherwise, yeah you just roll with whatever.

 

8 minutes ago, Kishi said:

After work, I went home and did CC push and pull progressions. I've taken to supersetting them to save time with a long rest afterward. They seem to be playing off of each other really well. I'm thinking about doing some more stuff on Monday then as well to bolster my leg and core work - everything's done so quickly, and it's much easier practice. I think I like the idea because it's a kind of training insurance, so if something comes up some day, I can leave the training behind and know that I'm going to come back and hit it again in a few days.

 

"Kishi, you're starting to sound like you do when Training Creep becomes a thing again."

 

I sure am! And I have to admit, the temptation to Do More is awful. But I'm staying where I am inasmuch as I can, and it's working well so far. I'm up to eight minutes skipping rope, and my ligamentous injuries are healing well; in fact, they feel better now than they have in a while, and I think this work is part of that.

 

giphy.gif

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On 3/28/2019 at 7:53 AM, Kishi said:

All the same, it does sound to me like these are ultimately additional factors in the calculation of the bottom line, which is to generate profit. I guess I don't understand how the subjective calculation of value - which is admittedly fuzzy - necessarily changes the objective of getting as much value from the workers as a company possibly can.

I think I see where the confusion is coming from.  Are you assuming that companies have all of the say in determining what to pay employees?  Companies obviously would like to get as much value from the workers as possible, but on the other side of the equation, workers want to get as much value out of their contribution as they can.  In some instances, the companies do have vastly more negotiating power and can set the terms.  In other cases, the opposite is true and the employee has much more leverage.  As both sides have competing and often contradictory/antagonistic motivations, the compensation is more often than not a negotiated compromise.

 

On 3/28/2019 at 7:53 AM, Kishi said:

And for that matter, is it right that a worker's wages - the means by which they access food, clothing, and shelter - should be decided so capriciously?

Maybe?  if it were completely one sided and all of the capricious decisions were being made by the company, I would agree that it probably isn't right.  When it works both ways, it is "right"?  It isn't fair, but are right and fair synonymous in this case?  I would say it's messy and complicated, but it works (in terms of keeping the system running) but is probably far from ideal.  

 

On 3/28/2019 at 7:53 AM, Kishi said:

I mean. I dunno, man. What have you seen?

I've see companies use the system to abuse employees, I've seen employees use the system to abuse companies, I've seen when everything works great for everyone involved, and I've seen complete disasters where employees and companies both end up screwed. 

 

I am sure there must be more equitable arrangements that can be made, but I cannot imagine a system robust enough to solve the issue on the macro level but also retain enough flexibility at the micro level to keep it from stalling out.

 

On 3/28/2019 at 7:53 AM, Kishi said:

Welp. Signed my name on the dotted line.

Exciting.  Go forth and avenge thyself! :) 

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5 hours ago, WhiteGhost said:

I think I see where the confusion is coming from.  Are you assuming that companies have all of the say in determining what to pay employees?  Companies obviously would like to get as much value from the workers as possible, but on the other side of the equation, workers want to get as much value out of their contribution as they can.  In some instances, the companies do have vastly more negotiating power and can set the terms.  In other cases, the opposite is true and the employee has much more leverage.  As both sides have competing and often contradictory/antagonistic motivations, the compensation is more often than not a negotiated compromise.

 

I'm in a situation where I work for a big corporation with a national headquarters several states away. Our direct supervisors have almost no input in our salaries, and the local HR staff is very limited by corporate. On top of that, facility CEOs have to struggle with budget, and will very seldom often veto any wiggle room in negotiating salaries.

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So let's get the burning question out of the way: I lost the tournament.

 

To be clear, I took second place. But I took second place in a division with one fight against one opponent. I had one shot and I blew it. This was at the end of a long day where I invited people out and they didn't even get a chance to see me fight because they had to leave to take care of their own things. My brother stuck around, bless him, but that just made the loss sting worse.

 

But to tell you the truth, I don't really mind the loss. Whatever. I've been smashed before by people whom I had more skill than; life happens and it goes on. But I've been livid with myself the past couple of days because I feel like I let everyone down in terms of being the person I've tried to be and said I was. I didn't know when I'd be going and I thought it'd be sooner, but ultimately my folks came out and wasted their time when they could have been doing something else, and my brother could have been doing the things he wanted to do instead of seeing me lose.

 

To be clear, it was a very educational fight. It showed me that I'm really good at giving blows but I have a lot to learn about taking them well; he kicked the hell out of my legs because I didn't check and he caught me a body blow when I wasn't braced. It put me down a half a point, and I didn't really want to go back to it, but I sucked it up and went back for more. I thought I could do something about all that, and I was skillful, but skill just wasn't enough to beat this guy. I couldn't hit him hard enough, and the blows hurt me enough that I couldn't make my body do what I knew it could.

 

I could afford to be lazy about that back when we played with 16 oz gloves and mid-to-high kicks. I can't be lazy about that shit anymore.

 

Anyway. Bad Saturday, but only a fail if I don't learn from it. So I spent Sunday trying to apply what I'd learned. The boxing coach was cool about us working on leg checks and even showed us a thing or two about bumping into the kick with hips behind the check to drive it back down. He also wants me to come out to Krav with him at some point. I have no idea how the hell that's going to work, but I'm definitely open to throwing down. I told him they'd have to bareknuckle me, and I'd wear pads to keep them safe. We'll see how it works out.

 

BJJ afterward was pretty cool. Worked on standing arm triangle and used some of the principles to choke someone out in kesa gatame. First submission in a new art. Nice.

 

So, yeah. Lotta highs and lows this past weekend. I'm still evening out a bit. Slow strength work tonight after gaming. Cool.

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4 minutes ago, Kishi said:

So let's get the burning question out of the way: I lost the tournament.

 

To be clear, I took second place. But I took second place in a division with one fight against one opponent. I had one shot and I blew it. This was at the end of a long day where I invited people out and they didn't even get a chance to see me fight because they had to leave to take care of their own things. My brother stuck around, bless him, but that just made the loss sting worse.

 

But to tell you the truth, I don't really mind the loss. Whatever. I've been smashed before by people whom I had more skill than; life happens and it goes on. But I've been livid with myself the past couple of days because I feel like I let everyone down in terms of being the person I've tried to be and said I was. I didn't know when I'd be going and I thought it'd be sooner, but ultimately my folks came out and wasted their time when they could have been doing something else, and my brother could have been doing the things he wanted to do instead of seeing me lose.

 

To be clear, it was a very educational fight. It showed me that I'm really good at giving blows but I have a lot to learn about taking them well; he kicked the hell out of my legs because I didn't check and he caught me a body blow when I wasn't braced. It put me down a half a point, and I didn't really want to go back to it, but I sucked it up and went back for more. I thought I could do something about all that, and I was skillful, but skill just wasn't enough to beat this guy. I couldn't hit him hard enough, and the blows hurt me enough that I couldn't make my body do what I knew it could.

 

I could afford to be lazy about that back when we played with 16 oz gloves and mid-to-high kicks. I can't be lazy about that shit anymore.

 

Anyway. Bad Saturday, but only a fail if I don't learn from it.

 

The point for them wasn't to see you win, it was to see you. Tell that guilt head-noise where to go. Of course being disappointed about not winning the match is totally normal and seems like you're processing it just fine otherwise. Next time you won't make those mistakes. 

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On ‎3‎/‎29‎/‎2019 at 3:05 AM, WhiteGhost said:

I think I see where the confusion is coming from.  Are you assuming that companies have all of the say in determining what to pay employees?  Companies obviously would like to get as much value from the workers as possible, but on the other side of the equation, workers want to get as much value out of their contribution as they can.  In some instances, the companies do have vastly more negotiating power and can set the terms.  In other cases, the opposite is true and the employee has much more leverage.  As both sides have competing and often contradictory/antagonistic motivations, the compensation is more often than not a negotiated compromise.

 

I don't think I'm confused... which is what a confused person could say. How would I even know? :D Anyway, I do understand that companies don't have all the say in terms of what happens between they and employees, and that wages are ultimately a negotiated compromise.

 

With that said, it doesn't seem like a stretch to point out that the company's say in the matter outstrips the worker's say. Even conceding that it's a mutually beneficial arrangement, at the end of the day, if it doesn't work out, the worker is out of a wage - which is access to subsistence - while the company is temporarily set back in terms of being able to generate profit off of the accomplishment of whatever work the worker was doing. By and large, they can bleed capital long enough to find a replacement. The worker cannot.

 

It just seems like it's a fundamentally unequal situation - I don't go to work because I want to do the job, I go to work because I'm hungry, and I have rent to pay, and it's cold outside. It doesn't matter what company I go to work for - no matter how much leverage I have in the negotiation, at the end of the day, the money I make allows me to live, and the value I generate permits them to profit. And I'm never going to see the benefit of those profits beyond what they give back to me to get more work out of me so that they can generate more profit.

 

On ‎3‎/‎29‎/‎2019 at 3:05 AM, WhiteGhost said:

Maybe?  if it were completely one sided and all of the capricious decisions were being made by the company, I would agree that it probably isn't right.  When it works both ways, it is "right"?  It isn't fair, but are right and fair synonymous in this case?  I would say it's messy and complicated, but it works (in terms of keeping the system running) but is probably far from ideal.

 

...

 

I've see companies use the system to abuse employees, I've seen employees use the system to abuse companies, I've seen when everything works great for everyone involved, and I've seen complete disasters where employees and companies both end up screwed. 

 

I am sure there must be more equitable arrangements that can be made, but I cannot imagine a system robust enough to solve the issue on the macro level but also retain enough flexibility at the micro level to keep it from stalling out.

 

Yeah, and, well. I don't have any answers. I'm not anywhere near versed enough in Marxist theory to have an answer on all that, and I'm definitely not up in terms of being educated about everything to the point that I can be prescriptive in any but the most naïve sense.

 

It's just that at the end of the day, I've been run over by that system multiple times. I know lots of people who have been. We've all made the best choices we could make and in the end we still got screwed. If we find a way to a capitalism that values people over profits and prevents the concentration of political economic power into the hands of a very few, well. I could live with that.

 

On ‎3‎/‎29‎/‎2019 at 3:05 AM, WhiteGhost said:

Exciting.  Go forth and avenge thyself! :) 

 

Well. I didn't. Oh well. I just never seem to come through clutch when I need to. ^_^;;

 

56 minutes ago, Urgan said:

 

The point for them wasn't to see you win, it was to see you. Tell that guilt head-noise where to go. Of course being disappointed about not winning the match is totally normal and seems like you're processing it just fine otherwise. Next time you won't make those mistakes. 

 

And you know, objectively I know that? I just... tend to stay to myself when it comes to the things I do. I don't really let most of the people around me into it because of my insecurities about who I am and the choices I've made. So, in my head, it was a big deal to even decide to go and to even tell people I was doing it. For it to spin out like it did was like worse than the worst case scenario. If I'd gone and lost and didn't tell anyone about it, at least I wouldn't have wasted their time.

 

And objectively it wasn't a waste of their time but part of being rational is acknowledging that my perspective isn't always based in something rational. -_-

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2 minutes ago, Kishi said:

And you know, objectively I know that? I just... tend to stay to myself when it comes to the things I do. I don't really let most of the people around me into it because of my insecurities about who I am and the choices I've made. So, in my head, it was a big deal to even decide to go and to even tell people I was doing it. For it to spin out like it did was like worse than the worst case scenario. If I'd gone and lost and didn't tell anyone about it, at least I wouldn't have wasted their time.

 

And objectively it wasn't a waste of their time but part of being rational is acknowledging that my perspective isn't always based in something rational. -_-

 

I find this funny--not comedic, but ironic--given you bend over to the point of breaking your prior arrangements into a zillion pieces to support others even if they aren't particularly any good at the thing they are doing, because you know the point is they need someone in their corner. The irony is deep-writ in the character I suppose, that you'd want to be the opposite of what you fear. This isn't a criticism, just an observation in the hopes of taking a bit of sting out the experience. I think we all have interests or pieces of interests we're self-conscious about and want to keep buried in the backyard until they are majestic and perfect so you can show them off. Or not. You know, introvert stuff. Like learning a foreign language and not telling most of your family because who's got time for the fallout?

 

At least I've assumed away that someone has implicitly or explicitly expressed that retroactively there were so many better things they could have been up to. Which would be most unhelpful of them.

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14 hours ago, Kishi said:

It just seems like it's a fundamentally unequal situation - I don't go to work because I want to do the job, I go to work because I'm hungry, and I have rent to pay, and it's cold outside. It doesn't matter what company I go to work for - no matter how much leverage I have in the negotiation, at the end of the day, the money I make allows me to live, and the value I generate permits them to profit. And I'm never going to see the benefit of those profits beyond what they give back to me to get more work out of me so that they can generate more profit.

I can completely see your POV here, and understand why it seems that way to you.  I suspect that your own personal experiences also have a fair amount of influence on how you perceive things, as do mine.  I don't disagree that capitalism has a lot of problems, but I think a lot of the problems are only partially ascribable to malicious intent or greed, but also in large part to incompetence and bureaucracy.  Unfortunately, other systems I have seen still face the same issues because the people running them are, at the end of the day, still people.

 

Ultimately I am not out to try and convince you of any particular perspective, because I don't believe I have the answers myself.  I just wanted to present some alternative points of view for your consideration :) 

 

14 hours ago, Kishi said:

If we find a way to a capitalism that values people over profits and prevents the concentration of political economic power into the hands of a very few, well. I could live with that.

Yes, I could live with that too :)  

 

14 hours ago, Kishi said:

For it to spin out like it did was like worse than the worst case scenario. If I'd gone and lost and didn't tell anyone about it, at least I wouldn't have wasted their time.

I lived near you I would have gone, even knowing the outcome in advance.  

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18 hours ago, Urgan said:

I find this funny--not comedic, but ironic--given you bend over to the point of breaking your prior arrangements into a zillion pieces to support others even if they aren't particularly any good at the thing they are doing, because you know the point is they need someone in their corner. The irony is deep-writ in the character I suppose, that you'd want to be the opposite of what you fear. This isn't a criticism, just an observation in the hopes of taking a bit of sting out the experience. I think we all have interests or pieces of interests we're self-conscious about and want to keep buried in the backyard until they are majestic and perfect so you can show them off. Or not. You know, introvert stuff. Like learning a foreign language and not telling most of your family because who's got time for the fallout?

 

Yeah. I think you hit the nail on the head. I've got a real complex about this kind of thing. Like I accept that I value others enough to show up for them regardless of extenuating circumstances, but I can't accept that I'm reason enough for people to show up somewhere too just by dint of being me.

 

19 hours ago, Urgan said:

At least I've assumed away that someone has implicitly or explicitly expressed that retroactively there were so many better things they could have been up to. Which would be most unhelpful of them.

 

Oh no, no, nothing like that. I was aware of my brother's DMing that afternoon, but he told me he'd made the executive decision to cancel for the day so he could watch me. I was really touched by that, because I know that's something he really likes to do, and while he didn't and hasn't expressed that it would have been better for him to do so, it definitely made me feel worse when I couldn't pull off what I wanted to.

 

4 hours ago, WhiteGhost said:

I can completely see your POV here, and understand why it seems that way to you.  I suspect that your own personal experiences also have a fair amount of influence on how you perceive things, as do mine.  I don't disagree that capitalism has a lot of problems, but I think a lot of the problems are only partially ascribable to malicious intent or greed, but also in large part to incompetence and bureaucracy.  Unfortunately, other systems I have seen still face the same issues because the people running them are, at the end of the day, still people.

 

Oh yeah, undoubtedly. Believe it or not, one of my first post-HS jobs was door to door sales. I worked with lots of very, very capitalist people, and if I'd been any good at it, I'm sure I'd see the world very differently. The fact that I'm some stripe of socialist now and working on a publicity start-up company isn't lost on me either. :P

 

4 hours ago, WhiteGhost said:

Ultimately I am not out to try and convince you of any particular perspective, because I don't believe I have the answers myself.  I just wanted to present some alternative points of view for your consideration :) 

 

Of course! I hope I was never too strident in this conversation. Believe it or not, I was super stoked to see you chime in, because having followed your challenges I knew you'd had a lot of exposure to this stuff and I would have paid more than a penny for your thoughts. And you did give me a lot to think about. I'm grateful for your patience and your perspective, absolutely. I hope I was gracious with you, and that you never felt as if I was being hostile or that I'd stepped on your toes about this or anything.

 

4 hours ago, WhiteGhost said:

I lived near you I would have gone, even knowing the outcome in advance.

 

So, uh, this probably has something to do with the earlier alluded-to complex but when I read that this morning, man, someone somewhere started cutting onions or something.

 

Thank you.

 

*

 

So! Monday down. I got to make the joke that BJJ is really just Judo done Brazilian style. How can you tell? Because it ends with people laying down and relaxing, like it's beach o'clock somewhere. :D

 

Otherwise, though, yeah. Wound up being a Dark Eye kind of night. Got through this one by the skin of our teeth and we've just jumped out of the frying pan into the fire, but hey. That's how things go, right? Also, one of my friends there got to talking about how he's homebrewing a system that mixes the best parts of Exalted and God of War with D&D 5E mechanics, which I'm just stupid excited to consider. D&D Bronze Age with mechanics to justify Rule of Cool.

 

Brother's also helping me out with video resources to help keep me up on the breathing exercises for bracing against blows. Really appreciate him for that.

 

Did ab work and leg work last night. Close squats with the kettlebell held out front as a balance so I can get a feel for what I'm doing down there. Good stuff.

 

Tonight, slight change in plans. We're starting up the Kali seminar over in Chapel Hill, so I've gotta get out there as opposed to doing Karate. I'm sure that's going to read back at dojo like I'm skipping out in a fit of temper, but well. I made a commitment, and I gotta stick to it. It'll be interesting; I really haven't picked up a blade in a month, so it'll be cool to see if that school's proposed teaching methods take. I'm actually really excited about this.

 

It's gonna end late enough and far enough out that I don't know if I'll have time to do S&S, but TBH even if I don't, I really don't mind. The whole point is to have everything covering everything else, and that's been the whole idea of this programming all along.

 

So. Onward.

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Tuesday in the bag! Tuesday was so good that I actually don't know how to talk about it.

 

Work went smoother than smooth, which is unusual, but I'll take it.

 

Stab class was awesome. We took the opening flow and we were able to break it down into its component parts, and then drill those parts. It was so much easier than trying to duplicate what Manong had done, and then having him come over and just firmly repeat the initial directions without being able to explain how he got done what he'd got done. I loved it.

 

Everybody walked off like they'd had a good time, which is a way better response than we've had before. I'm hopeful that this will grow; as it is, this blending of old school and new school is really exciting, and I can't wait until we get to the part where we can spar with it. Dude's got the gear for it and everything.

 

We got done early enough that I felt comfy going to the gym and knocking out S&S. The gymbro who helped me with my roundhouse was stoked to see me doing TGUs; I helped him out with his side kick in turn.

 

So, yeah! Yesterday was pretty great.

 

Today, got up late, but that might have been Providence as a friend needed help that I was uniquely situated to provide. Can't feel too bad about that. :) Breathing exercises continue; should be push and pull work tonight. We'll see what the future holds.

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On 3/28/2019 at 3:02 PM, Kishi said:

He's an arrogant kung fu coffee guy. She's a vampire barista. Together, they fight crime!

 

I am intrigued by your ideas and wish to subscribe to your newsletter. 10/10 would read and then see the screen adaptation on opening night.

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4 hours ago, RedStone said:

 

I am intrigued by your ideas and wish to subscribe to your newsletter. 10/10 would read and then see the screen adaptation on opening night.

 

Agreed, it sounds like a fun story. :) 

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On 4/3/2019 at 12:45 AM, Kishi said:

Of course! I hope I was never too strident in this conversation. Believe it or not, I was super stoked to see you chime in, because having followed your challenges I knew you'd had a lot of exposure to this stuff and I would have paid more than a penny for your thoughts. And you did give me a lot to think about. I'm grateful for your patience and your perspective, absolutely. I hope I was gracious with you, and that you never felt as if I was being hostile or that I'd stepped on your toes about this or anything.

Absolutely a pleasure chatting with you about it. :)  I sometimes worry getting into discussions like this because honestly I still don't even know what my own beliefs are with regard to the matter.  Capitalism has a LOT of really serious flaws, but then on the other hand every other system does too.  Talking it through with other thoughtful, intelligent people such as yourself (especially ones with differing viewpoints from mine) always helps me to think about things in a new way as well.

 

13 hours ago, Kishi said:

Tuesday was so good that I actually don't know how to talk about it.

Always nice to have days that just go right :) 

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18 hours ago, RedStone said:

 

I am intrigued by your ideas and wish to subscribe to your newsletter. 10/10 would read and then see the screen adaptation on opening night.

 

14 hours ago, Jupiter said:

 

Agreed, it sounds like a fun story. :) 

 

Thanks! It's just gotta be written first. :D

 

8 hours ago, WhiteGhost said:

Absolutely a pleasure chatting with you about it. :)  I sometimes worry getting into discussions like this because honestly I still don't even know what my own beliefs are with regard to the matter.  Capitalism has a LOT of really serious flaws, but then on the other hand every other system does too.  Talking it through with other thoughtful, intelligent people such as yourself (especially ones with differing viewpoints from mine) always helps me to think about things in a new way as well.

 

Thanks! In that case, I hope we get to do it again sometime. :)

 

10 hours ago, WhiteGhost said:

Always nice to have days that just go right :) 

 

Ain't it just?

 

*

 

Wednesday done. Wasn't as productive at work as I would have liked but that's what happens sometimes.

 

Got out and went to visit my friend, and then proceeded to watch Overlord, the horror-action flick directed by Julius Avery for Bad Robot studios.

 

It was... okay. It seemed a little tonally uneven to me - it seemed to be going for a more horror-style film at first before it takes a hard turn to action in the final act.

 

I mean, don't get me wrong. Watching Nazis die in B-movie gore splatters is pretty great. But I would have appreciated it if they'd gone for it from the start. More positive reviews cite this decision as a sign of great patience and restraint; it felt more to me like a hard shift that skipped a gear. Also, for a movie about killing Nazi super-zombies, there sure weren't a lot of zombies.

 

Great character work, though, and lots of good practical effects. So, if it's in your wheelhouse, it's worth checking out.

 

Went back home, did some push and pull work, ate dinner, went to bed.

 

Thursday seems to be the vicious cycle again of getting to work late meaning getting out of work late. Fortunately, however, there's BJJ waiting for me. :) Also, it looks like the two kata I have are all I need to advance to next rank, and I can practice them on my own time. It'll be fun to dig into these and see how much snap and intention I can put into these. These might be white belt katas, but I'll make 'em look like black belt katas by the time I'm ready to go.

 

In body conditioning news, I've been looking into how to make a tetsutaba, which is a sort of wire brush used in both traditional Chinese and Japanese martial arts to condition the body against taking blows. It's apparently quite possible to make something good out of stuff you can pick up in a hardware store, which might make it a home project for me this weekend. Which would be exciting.

 

Anyway, BJJ tonight, then handstand training and whatever else I have time for before time runs out.

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On 3/28/2019 at 3:02 PM, Kishi said:

 

He's an arrogant kung fu coffee guy. She's a vampire barista. Together, they fight crime!

THIS IS AMAZING.  This is so up my alley I can't even please please publish this I will buy the hecking heck out of it.  I would also like to subscribe to the newsletter please and thank you.

 

Sorry I'm late to the party about your tournament this past weekend.  You made second place, that's really wonderful and I'm excited about you doing so well!  It seems well to me.  anyways.  

On 4/1/2019 at 3:29 PM, Kishi said:

But to tell you the truth, I don't really mind the loss. Whatever. I've been smashed before by people whom I had more skill than; life happens and it goes on. But I've been livid with myself the past couple of days because I feel like I let everyone down in terms of being the person I've tried to be and said I was. I didn't know when I'd be going and I thought it'd be sooner, but ultimately my folks came out and wasted their time when they could have been doing something else, and my brother could have been doing the things he wanted to do instead of seeing me lose.

 

To be clear, it was a very educational fight. It showed me that I'm really good at giving blows but I have a lot to learn about taking them well; he kicked the hell out of my legs because I didn't check and he caught me a body blow when I wasn't braced. It put me down a half a point, and I didn't really want to go back to it, but I sucked it up and went back for more. I thought I could do something about all that, and I was skillful, but skill just wasn't enough to beat this guy. I couldn't hit him hard enough, and the blows hurt me enough that I couldn't make my body do what I knew it could.

 

I could afford to be lazy about that back when we played with 16 oz gloves and mid-to-high kicks. I can't be lazy about that shit anymore.

 

Anyway. Bad Saturday, but only a fail if I don't learn from it. So I spent Sunday trying to apply what I'd learned. The boxing coach was cool about us working on leg checks and even showed us a thing or two about bumping into the kick with hips behind the check to drive it back down. He also wants me to come out to Krav with him at some point. I have no idea how the hell that's going to work, but I'm definitely open to throwing down. I told him they'd have to bareknuckle me, and I'd wear pads to keep them safe. We'll see how it works out.

 

BJJ afterward was pretty cool. Worked on standing arm triangle and used some of the principles to choke someone out in kesa gatame. First submission in a new art. Nice.

 

So, yeah. Lotta highs and lows this past weekend. I'm still evening out a bit. Slow strength work tonight after gaming. Cool.

I am so glad you had a family member who stuck around for you.  Having had family members watch me fail, a lot, it made a difference later to have somebody who was actually, you know.  there.  But I don't know everything about the relationship with you brother.  I am also extreme braindead and I sorta see this has been pointed out but like I care and stuff so I'm saying it anyways, but people coming out to support you is not a waste of anyone's time.  This is my judgement call, not yours of course, but supporting a member of their family is not a waste of time.  You are not a waste of anybody's time.  You are worth showing up for.  Win or lose.  It sounds like you gave it your all, and did a great job.  You also learned about what you want to work on.  My failures suck too, and I hate playing poorly in front of my mom and dad.  But learning from them means I don't fail the same way next time--I find new interesting ways to fail, but I then fail on harder pieces and people are less likely to notice.  So you may fail again, but you may get yourself first place anyways.  And you know where you need to work.  You are an artist in progress like many of us; unlike most people, you are an artist who works hard at his craft.  Your artistry is pretty damn good--you did get second place in a big ol' tournament after all!  Being in progress does not make you any less worthy of people's attention, time, patience, or other good things okay I SWEAR I am shutting up now.

 

also I don't know if any of this was related to capitalism but I missed that bit completely.

 

AND you got a submission in a new art, which is AMAZING.  And I'm really happy for you.  I am also super proud of you for competing in a tournament and I think that's swell.

 

On 4/3/2019 at 2:39 PM, Kishi said:

Stab class was awesome. We took the opening flow and we were able to break it down into its component parts, and then drill those parts. It was so much easier than trying to duplicate what Manong had done, and then having him come over and just firmly repeat the initial directions without being able to explain how he got done what he'd got done. I loved it.

 

Everybody walked off like they'd had a good time, which is a way better response than we've had before. I'm hopeful that this will grow; as it is, this blending of old school and new school is really exciting, and I can't wait until we get to the part where we can spar with it. Dude's got the gear for it and everything.

 

We got done early enough that I felt comfy going to the gym and knocking out S&S. The gymbro who helped me with my roundhouse was stoked to see me doing TGUs; I helped him out with his side kick in turn.

THIS IS SO GREAT.  I am so happy to hear about stabby stabby class, and I m doubly stoked that you made a gymbro friend who respects the TGUs.  RESPECT THE BELL.

 

1 hour ago, Kishi said:

 

Thursday seems to be the vicious cycle again of getting to work late meaning getting out of work late. Fortunately, however, there's BJJ waiting for me. :) Also, it looks like the two kata I have are all I need to advance to next rank, and I can practice them on my own time. It'll be fun to dig into these and see how much snap and intention I can put into these. These might be white belt katas, but I'll make 'em look like black belt katas by the time I'm ready to go.

I feel that cycle of viciousness.  A friend's therapist called it being enslaved by one's sleep schedule.  Or something similar.  to that effect. 

And yeah you will make em look like black belt katas.  Because you're a boss.  

 

I am looking into this tetsutaba contraption.  I am fascinated.

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2 hours ago, Kishi said:

In body conditioning news, I've been looking into how to make a tetsutaba, which is a sort of wire brush used in both traditional Chinese and Japanese martial arts to condition the body against taking blows. It's apparently quite possible to make something good out of stuff you can pick up in a hardware store, which might make it a home project for me this weekend. Which would be exciting.

 

There's an "o no Kishi is self-flagellating now!"...but I wouldn't want to flog the point.

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16 hours ago, Treva said:

THIS IS AMAZING.  This is so up my alley I can't even please please publish this I will buy the hecking heck out of it.  I would also like to subscribe to the newsletter please and thank you.

 

Gosh. So what y'all saying is, I need to get this written. Do I hear you proper? :D

 

20 hours ago, Treva said:

Sorry I'm late to the party about your tournament this past weekend.  You made second place, that's really wonderful and I'm excited about you doing so well!  It seems well to me.  anyways.  

 

Nah, it's all good. And I don't mind making second place. But getting 2nd out of 2 people is still kind of lol-worthy.

 

20 hours ago, Treva said:

I am so glad you had a family member who stuck around for you.  Having had family members watch me fail, a lot, it made a difference later to have somebody who was actually, you know.  there.  But I don't know everything about the relationship with you brother.

 

Well, it's way better than it used to be. And I was glad for his company. I think he might have felt that he owed me, since I've gone and sat through his tests, borne witness and such to his work. He always comes off like a badass. I wanted to do the same, and more to the point, like it's been observed, I felt like I needed to validate his choice to be there (because I struggle to internalize that I'm validity enough as I am).

 

20 hours ago, Treva said:

I am also extreme braindead and I sorta see this has been pointed out but like I care and stuff so I'm saying it anyways, but people coming out to support you is not a waste of anyone's time.  This is my judgement call, not yours of course, but supporting a member of their family is not a waste of time.  You are not a waste of anybody's time.  You are worth showing up for.  Win or lose.  It sounds like you gave it your all, and did a great job.  You also learned about what you want to work on.  My failures suck too, and I hate playing poorly in front of my mom and dad.  But learning from them means I don't fail the same way next time--I find new interesting ways to fail, but I then fail on harder pieces and people are less likely to notice.  So you may fail again, but you may get yourself first place anyways.  And you know where you need to work.  You are an artist in progress like many of us; unlike most people, you are an artist who works hard at his craft.  Your artistry is pretty damn good--you did get second place in a big ol' tournament after all!  Being in progress does not make you any less worthy of people's attention, time, patience, or other good things okay I SWEAR I am shutting up now.

 

No, it's okay. You can say it again. I need to hear it again. ^_^;

 

And anyway, while I'm certain I'm going to fail again, I'm bound and determined to make it something different. Because variety is the spice of life, see? :D

 

Although, like I said, when I got out on the mats to spar again the next day, I was damned good, and I don't think anyone was giving me any freebies. My problems are related to a lack of toughening rather than a lack of skill (although even then, some bad habits got in the way. I have the skill to observe and fix them, and they will be/are). And even then, it's a remarkably specific kind of toughness as opposed to the standard kind (ie conditioning); I've been doing research and apparently nobody does this kind of toughening work to the exact degree or extent that the traditional Chinese/Japanese martial arts do. Not even the Thai boxers do this kind of thing.

 

21 hours ago, Treva said:

also I don't know if any of this was related to capitalism but I missed that bit completely.

 

Nah, it's all good. That stuff will be up for... well, a while at least.

 

21 hours ago, Treva said:

AND you got a submission in a new art, which is AMAZING.  And I'm really happy for you.  I am also super proud of you for competing in a tournament and I think that's swell.

 

Thank you. :)

 

21 hours ago, Treva said:

THIS IS SO GREAT.  I am so happy to hear about stabby stabby class, and I m doubly stoked that you made a gymbro friend who respects the TGUs.  RESPECT THE BELL.

 

Seriously! I've seen so many people Do This Wrong, and I've only ever seen maybe 5 people who were doing TGUs and even then doing them well with respectable weight.

 

21 hours ago, Treva said:

I feel that cycle of viciousness.  A friend's therapist called it being enslaved by one's sleep schedule.  Or something similar.  to that effect.

 

"Fatigue makes cowards of us all." - Vince Lombardi.

 

21 hours ago, Treva said:

And yeah you will make em look like black belt katas.  Because you're a boss.

 

Yup. This is a thing my brother can help me with. Kung fu forms are big on that kind of "twitch" power in odd places, and he made some observations about how the katas were being done that made me really thoughtful. I do have hope.

 

21 hours ago, Treva said:

I am looking into this tetsutaba contraption.  I am fascinated.

 

21 hours ago, Urgan said:

 

There's an "o no Kishi is self-flagellating now!"...but I wouldn't want to flog the point.

 

Well, not to beat a dead horse, but right now body-hardening is a thing I really want to do as much as I can. :D

 

*

 

So! BJJ went well. I was able to get some sweeps and reversals that weren't given to me, and I've been told that I'm rolling well enough now that the blue belt has to work to deal with it. That's all good news.

 

Went to the gym afterward, practiced kata and handstand work. That was really all I had time for. But it's all good.

 

Tonight would normally be a gym night, but we're switching it up a little bit. The folks at the Company want to get dressed up and go out to an honest-to-God speakeasy over on Glenwood. I'm not gonna get out of work in time to make both gym and that happen, especially since I'mma need to clean up a little to be presentable. So, I'm taking the night off. This is part of the reason that I wanted to take up ab and leg work on Mondays anyway; now I don't feel like I've missed anything. :)

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5 minutes ago, Kishi said:

Well, not to beat a dead horse, but right now body-hardening is a thing I really want to do as much as I can. :D

 

Oh, is that what the kids are calling it now....

 

7 minutes ago, Kishi said:

So! BJJ went well. I was able to get some sweeps and reversals that weren't given to me, and I've been told that I'm rolling well enough now that the blue belt has to work to deal with it. That's all good news.

 

Causing problems for senpai, huh?

 

giphy.gif

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1 hour ago, Kishi said:

Nah, it's all good. And I don't mind making second place. But getting 2nd out of 2 people is still kind of lol-worthy.

 

Okay, you are still not getting this. You now know that one person is better than you. You already knew that there were people at your dojo who are better than you. Considering how long you've been training, you had a pretty good idea that other dojos also had people with more experience than you. So you got to fight with one of those people. You already get to train with people who are not as skilled as yourself. You mention getting good hits on people at your dojos all the time. You learned a lot more by fighting with someone more skilled than you would have fighting someone less skilled. The ideal would have been to test yourself against a bunch of people close to your level. It's disappointing that didn't happen at this tournament. One loss does not tell you much. If it did, there would not be so much excitement about March Madness.

 

1 hour ago, Kishi said:

Well, it's way better than it used to be. And I was glad for his company. I think he might have felt that he owed me, since I've gone and sat through his tests, borne witness and such to his work. He always comes off like a badass. I wanted to do the same, and more to the point, like it's been observed, I felt like I needed to validate his choice to be there (because I struggle to internalize that I'm validity enough as I am).

 

Give your brother some credit for making his own decisions about how he is spending his time. He showed that he cared about supporting you. And he is continuing to show that by helping you find resources for the things you want to improve. You are a worthwhile person. Some days will be great, some will be awful. You are still valid and he is still your brother and wants to support you. Win or lose has nothing to do with it.

 

1 hour ago, Kishi said:

Tonight would normally be a gym night, but we're switching it up a little bit. The folks at the Company want to get dressed up and go out to an honest-to-God speakeasy over on Glenwood. I'm not gonna get out of work in time to make both gym and that happen, especially since I'mma need to clean up a little to be presentable. So, I'm taking the night off. This is part of the reason that I wanted to take up ab and leg work on Mondays anyway; now I don't feel like I've missed anything. :)

 

I'm glad you are being flexible about your time. Also you are demonstrating your leadership skills by doing leg and ab work ahead of time. You train a LOT. You do not need to justify taking a day off.

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^^^All of the above good advice.  If it helps, I have what I like to consider a "Thanks for coming out" third place.  It was still fun :-)

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On ‎4‎/‎5‎/‎2019 at 4:08 PM, Urgan said:

Oh, is that what the kids are calling it now....

 

Well, in the old days it used to be called Iron Shirt.

 

Although, you should thank my brother. I told him I was going to make a steel brush and he was like, "Yeah, that's a bad idea. You're not ready yet. You should get a bamboo brush instead." And I did some more homework and realized that the bamboo brush is more recommended than the steel brush, but all of that is secondary to getting the breathing right. So he kept me from going off the deep end. Good man, him.

 

On ‎4‎/‎5‎/‎2019 at 4:08 PM, Urgan said:

Causing problems for senpai, huh?

 

giphy.gif

 

You know, if I could get a saber...

 

On ‎4‎/‎5‎/‎2019 at 5:04 PM, Mistr said:

Okay, you are still not getting this. You now know that one person is better than you. You already knew that there were people at your dojo who are better than you. Considering how long you've been training, you had a pretty good idea that other dojos also had people with more experience than you. So you got to fight with one of those people. You already get to train with people who are not as skilled as yourself. You mention getting good hits on people at your dojos all the time. You learned a lot more by fighting with someone more skilled than you would have fighting someone less skilled. The ideal would have been to test yourself against a bunch of people close to your level. It's disappointing that didn't happen at this tournament. One loss does not tell you much. If it did, there would not be so much excitement about March Madness.

 

I do agree that it doesn't tell me much, but what it does tell me is very important and worth learning. It tells me that I'm soft in a way that most arts including mine own for a number of years didn't prepare me for, and it tells me that I've let some very good, very important habits slide. It tells me that there's no such thing as being too skilled or too good at what I do. Things which I'd known academically for a while but hadn't really "hit home" (harrrr).

 

Now they have. I'm more intense and focused on my training than I've been in a long time, but at the same time I feel... humbled? A lot less prone to disregard people and their arts and how they train and what they do. I'm working to make the most of this loss and to make it the best thing that ever happened to me. I really, really would have wanted to win for reasons that had nothing to do with the tournament, but since it didn't happen I'm rolling with it to make something of it.

 

The only thing it really tells me is that I've got work to do. I've known that; I just didn't know where. Now I do. :)

 

On ‎4‎/‎5‎/‎2019 at 5:04 PM, Mistr said:

Give your brother some credit for making his own decisions about how he is spending his time. He showed that he cared about supporting you. And he is continuing to show that by helping you find resources for the things you want to improve. You are a worthwhile person. Some days will be great, some will be awful. You are still valid and he is still your brother and wants to support you. Win or lose has nothing to do with it.

 

I do. He didn't have to stay. Ultimately he made his choices, and we did get quality time out of it. We cracked jokes and talked about the kinds of jeans we like to wear, and we talked about the stories we're trying to tell and the ways we're trying to tell them.

 

Ultimately, whether he chose to stay because he felt he owed me or because I was worth staying for, he still chose to stay. I appreciate him for that. That being said, I'm still not convinced that wanting to win over someone who ostensibly had less experience but better habits was wrong, or that my reasons for doing so were necessarily invalid.

 

On ‎4‎/‎5‎/‎2019 at 5:04 PM, Mistr said:

I'm glad you are being flexible about your time. Also you are demonstrating your leadership skills by doing leg and ab work ahead of time. You train a LOT. You do not need to justify taking a day off.

 

Of course not! I just would have felt weird about it.

 

On ‎4‎/‎7‎/‎2019 at 3:14 PM, Teirin said:

^^^All of the above good advice.  If it helps, I have what I like to consider a "Thanks for coming out" third place.  It was still fun :-)

 

Yeah. And overall, in the moment, I did have a lot of fun. I got to hang out with people, I learned a lot, I was able to be wise for some younger people afterward and just... overall it was a positive. Even if it wasn't in the way I wanted.

 

*

 

Welp. Some real Days of Our Lives shit up in here.

 

You may recall, I had said I was going to go get dressed up and go out to drink at a speakeasy. Well, this turned out to be a necessary thing. One of the members of the Company moved up here from SC. She left her husband and her two kids behind while she got a job up here and began trying to put away some money to get a house so the rest of them could come up with her.

 

Well, when she was down there, she was living as a housewife basically. Husband was the breadwinner, she didn't have a job, she looked after the kids, etc. Doing this - taking up for herself and having agency like that - apparently put some strains on the relationship. And combined with some drama that she'd left behind down there, well, it caused something of a break. Out of nowhere, she and her husband had this huge fight and he's decided to file for divorce and to take custody of the kids.

 

Didn't see that one coming. None of us did. And this was on top of some legal troubles that came to bite her.

 

So instead of us getting together to celebrate, it became a chance to get together to commiserate. In style, because 1920s speakeasy. My friend needed to be held, so she was. We all of us tried to take care of her, and she has the kind of infectious and bubbly personality that makes people like her; she had the entire bar staff rooting for her and cheering her up by the time we were all done.

 

It was a good time, though, as crazy as that sounds. We got drunk and emotionally honest with one another, and we got the chance to iron things out between us that I didn't even know needed to be ironed out. I left that night feeling... well, feeling really, really good. I feel like I bridged a little more of that gap I feel between me and other people, and like it was a bridge that others wanted built.

 

It's nice to be valid just because. :)

 

Saturday I woke up with the closest thing to a hangover I've had in a long, long time. I was able to head it off with lots of water, though. Went to Kali afterward; got into a lot of short blade application stuff which was a lot of fun. Then went out with Manong and the others to see some land in Chatham County that he's trying to put a bunch of connex homes on. He envisions it as a place to retreat from the world.

 

Pretty sure this is how cults form, but that being said, it's a cool concept, and I'm flattered that he wants me to be a part of it.

 

Went home that night, looked over my notes, and realized that I'd been working on GB for about a year with no real progress to show. So I made a decision to switch over to Athlean X for a minute. I plan to see through the current program for the next three months; if it's good, I'll stick around; if it's not, I'll return to GB. I was sold on it when they indicated in programming that they were trying to blend the strength benefits of weights with the body control of gymnastics; I'm hopeful that this will turn out well. I'll still keep S&S alive, though, because that keeps me strong and fit for life in general, and there's room for it in the programming. Heck, the work is done so quickly that I can go back and even hit up a little GB work at the end of it anyway. So it's all good to me.

 

So with that said, Sunday was a push day. I got back under the weights for the first time in a while, and it was fun.

 

Afterward was boxing with a focus on body conditioning - lots of medicine ball slams on the stomach and wall sit-to-stands where you take punches on the wall afterward. Lots of push ups; caused something in my shoulder to tweak, but not badly enough to forestall BJJ. And that went okay - worked some sweeps, but some of these movements feel kind of foreign. They'll get better with practice, and I missed out on the chance to roll with them during randori, but these things, man. They happen. I managed to get another submission and managed to thoroughly outroll a guy who gave me trouble a week ago. Good for the ego. Also got tapped multiple times by the teaching blue belt. Also good for the ego. :D

 

Today, got the news that one of our Monday DM-sans died.

 

The writing's been on the wall for him for a while now, so the grief response is kind of muted, or else I'm in shock. He'd been in and out of the hospital for months now. Had all kinds of respiratory problems and he was status post some kind of cancer. He'd lived a very rough life and we all knew this day was coming. Still came out of nowhere; there wasn't any news that he'd taken a downturn or anything. I'd seen him just last week and he was... fine. Or as close as he had been in a while. Come today and he's gone.

 

I don't know how I'm going to be going forward, but for now I'm okay. But if any of you are the praying type, maybe put in a word for the people around me? Their needs are... sharper right now.

 

And pray for me, for when my need cuts deep.

 

...

 

In the meantime, life goes on. I called some lawyers on behalf of my friend and got as much of that ball rolling as I could. I don't know what gaming will look like tonight but probably we're going to get out early enough that I can hit up some conditioning work at the gym. This will be brief, intense, burst type training with an eye toward agility. Shadow box and do some ab work afterward, maybe.

 

And the days roll by.

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36 minutes ago, Kishi said:

Today, got the news that one of our Monday DM-sans died.

 

The writing's been on the wall for him for a while now, so the grief response is kind of muted, or else I'm in shock. He'd been in and out of the hospital for months now. Had all kinds of respiratory problems and he was status post some kind of cancer. He'd lived a very rough life and we all knew this day was coming. Still came out of nowhere; there wasn't any news that he'd taken a downturn or anything. I'd seen him just last week and he was... fine. Or as close as he had been in a while. Come today and he's gone.

There's probably a name for it better than what I call it, but when death seems inevitable people engage in pre-grieving, where the grief process starts before the actual loss. In those cases, often the death itself isn't the big shock we think it should be, or as you put it "The grief response is kind of muted."  The situation isn't normal, but your response to it is. 

I will be praying for you and those around you.

 

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