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Kishi

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So, reading over the program, I see that I was actually supposed to do just one round of planks instead of the three I've been doing.

 

Think I'll keep at it, though. I've managed to cut the training time down to about a half hour or so; a little extra work isn't going to hurt anything. Unless it does. Won't know until it happens, though. :D

 

Anyway, gaming and strength work happened as I figured they would. So far, so good. I was kind of worried about plotting out deloads in the context of the other deloads I do - one for handstands and the other for Q&D - but apparently this is done on a move by move basis rather than being programmed? Which I'm cool with. Just means I have to really focus down on these sessions, which is actually super easy to do since I have so little time to shadowbox and I really have to stay focused to get the most out of it.

 

Managed to hammer out a date and time to go dancing with the woman. Neat. :)

 

Tonight's docket includes Q&D and fight work. And just got the word today that we got a 2.5% raise and a week of bonus leave. It's a good day, for all that I don't want to be in the office.

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So, Q&D happened. Fight work didn't. I basically wound up in a position to need to ask for help getting gas and such, and I didn't want to put myself in a position where I had got out there and wouldn't have the money to pay for gas to get back.

 

I had friends who were able to help me, but there was a bit of a misunderstanding in that I apparently texted to them in a way that Did Them a Concern. I didn't even think of it that way when I asked for help, I just texted and then went back into the office where there's no cell reception. I get out after the OT is done and my phone's been blown up with messages and one of them's on the way to my apartment because they thought I was going to do something to myself. So I wound up having to put that out, and no fighting, but did get what I needed, so that was cool.

 

So, yeah. That was a thing.

 

Anyway, today is a new day. The work, as usual, could get done if my bosses weren't in the way. Beyond that, it's a rest day, so, I reckon I'mma just chill.

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14 hours ago, Teirin said:

Oh no.  So glad they care though!

 

1 hour ago, WhiteGhost said:

Yeah, very nice to know that they care

 

Absolutely! I feel terrible that I put them through that, especially since I didn't mean to. But it's good to know they care.

 

*

 

So! Rest day was restful, as I hoped it would be. As usual, there's not very much to talk about, beyond watching more Young Justice: S3, along with good food, good drink, and good conversation. Also, apparently we all of us are going to the Ren Faire in Charlotte in November, which is gonna be awesome. :D

 

Otherwise, life goes on. Tonight should be a return to our regularly scheduled program - fight work and strength work. I scored tomorrow off for solidarity with the climate strike; I'm unaware of any actions happening around here but we'll see.

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Gah, all right, where was I.

 

I missed out on striking training for Reasons. I'm not intentionally being vague, I just don't remember what they were. Probably they were related to work; we were at the fiscal end of year and I had been told I needed to work on closing out as many cases as I could, especially with me taking Friday off. I still hit my strength work, though, so the day wasn't a total loss.

 

Friday was a day off. There weren't really any notable actions going on here, but work stoppage in the name of trying to stave off the worst elements of climate change feels like the right thing to have done. I hit Q&D on a deload on account of seminar the next day. Went to the open mat and rolled easy as there wasn't really a need to kill ourselves.

 

Saturday was the seminar. Professor Roberto Romero came up from his school down in Paraguay; he apparently runs 4 schools down there with a body of about 700 students. Dude knows his stuff. The school hosting was down in Apex, nearby to where I used to live, and it was this super nice warehouse kind of space. Kind of felt like it was put together from scratch, but still really cool; felt like we were in a Thai gym but if a Thai gym had up and transplanted to countryside NC. Nice. :)

 

We went over a pretty wide gamut of movements including breakfalls and forward rolls. Professor decided to play the game where he had us do forward dive rolls. He laid out two pads and then a punching bag lengthwise. Most of the class of 11 chickened out, but most of us who came from my school landed it, and I'm pleased to say I still got it. :D

 

We went over a bunch of Spider Guard stuff including takedowns. We also went over some of the more dynamic movements in terms of launching people airborne from the ground. I was going with one of the bigger, heavier guys because I'm long and relatively strong in BJJ terms; Professor noticed and had me to do a display of strength: I laid down on my back, picked up my partner so that he was supported on my legs, and then pressed him 20 times. It wasn't even difficult. :)

 

So after two hours of drilling, we got the chance to roll. We didn't get to go white belt v white belt, which saddens me a little, but I went instead with two purples and the Professor himself. I didn't win any of them, but I feel like I comported myself mostly well. I managed to land Kesa Gatame on one of the purple belts, which didn't stick, but it was still cool. Professor tried a couple of chokes on me which I was able to out-stubborn via position. He tried to go harder with me after that; I went harder and accidentally bonked him hard enough to make his nose bleed. He was cool about it, but I reckon I'm on his shit list for that. Gonna have to find my way to more mat time to get good so I don't get rekt next time we meet. (which I will be, to be clear, but I need to get rekt differently).

 

After that, I got talked into checking in with Kali again. So I went. I was kind of afraid that I'd be rusty, but to my pleasant shock I found I hadn't really missed anything. I was able to keep up with everything even though they've apparently moved on to street applications. That was neat. Also, manong and his wife complimented me, saying I look much thinner than I did the last time we met. I know I haven't lost any weight - I'm sadly right in the middle of my weight class, TYVM - but my waist is smaller and my shoulders a little wider, so I guess this whole recomp thing is working. Neat. Also, apparently a mostly meatless diet seems to suit me, as manong's wife in particular says my skin looks really, really good and that I seem to glow with vitality.

 

I guess this suits me well. :)

 

Strength work followed, because I wasn't done yet, although looking back at it I honestly probably could have skipped that with a clean conscience. Oh well. I didn't. It was done. Finally hit a sticking point on a movement - box push ups, but that doesn't mean it's time to drop just yet, and it could just be that my body was tired from 6 hours of martial arts. As happens.

 

Sunday was relatively quiet. I wound up back out on the mats again. Our teaching Blue Belt had friends over from the Hapkido school where he trains. We worked a couple different takedowns and got into some details of bridging out of side control, as well as how to apply pressure from side control.

 

Rolls were notable in that this was my second time going with a Hapkido black belt who hadn't done any formal jiujutsu training or other groundwork. The last time that happened, I got tapped. This time, I held him at bay, and it wasn't even particularly hard, for all that I couldn't work around him to get submission. Oh well. Having another body to play with was still fun. :)

 

So, yeah. Finished the weekend more motivated to train than I've been in a while, which is a fun feeling to have.

 

Also, the Blue Belt is trying to put together a D&D game for his kid as the kid is interested and the Blue Belt wants to play. I tapped my brother for it and it looks like they'll be in talks, which. I mean, it doesn't have anything to do with me, really, but it'd be neat to have those two connect. Maybe get my bro back to the mats after the burnout.

 

Today, gonna do handstands and strength work. The program considers handstands to be ancillary work, and suggests doing such things prior to the main work, so I'mma see what that does. Also think I might need to switch dynamic bridging for static bridging instead; I'm experiencing minor tweaks and think that that whole pattern might just be overloaded between the bridging I do in BJJ and also the explosive hinging I do for Q&D. We shall see.

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21 minutes ago, Kishi said:

We went over a pretty wide gamut of movements including breakfalls and forward rolls. Professor decided to play the game where he had us do forward dive rolls. He laid out two pads and then a punching bag lengthwise. Most of the class of 11 chickened out, but most of us who came from my school landed it, and I'm pleased to say I still got it. :D

 

Just had lunch, still managed to read this as "breakfast".....

 

22 minutes ago, Kishi said:

We went over a pretty wide gamut of movements including breakfalls and forward rolls. Professor decided to play the game where he had us do forward dive rolls. He laid out two pads and then a punching bag lengthwise. Most of the class of 11 chickened out, but most of us who came from my school landed it, and I'm pleased to say I still got it. :D

 

Tell me the cowards were executed.

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18 hours ago, Urgan said:

Just had lunch, still managed to read this as "breakfast".....

 

Breakfalls are breakfast.

 

What I said it

 

18 hours ago, Urgan said:

Tell me the cowards were executed.

 

That would have been a pretty bracing start, no lie.

 

*

 

So, the plan didn't work out as far as training goes. I got the DM who likes to game late, and the handstand work as I've been doing it is actually rather long for being a warm up/lead up to strength work. So I just did handstand work, but to be frank, that might actually be a good thing to do going forward. Just, you know, given how my Mondays tend to shake out. It'll mean cutting dedicated strength work to 2 times per week, but I've already checked the notes and it's kosher, so that won't be a problem. I'm also probably going to cut bridging out of the program and just go back to doing a single plank at the end. Reason being that I'm starting to walk around with that "tweaked" feeling in my right leg again, and that's generally a sign that something's getting ready to go. No need for that. I can learn from this.

 

That or maybe a single bridge hold to balance the plank. After all, planks are garbage for posture and need a counter-balance of some kind. Maybe that'll be enough? We shall see, but a drastically reduced dosage should be able to get benefit without hurting anything.

 

That kind of thing matters to me. I want to be out on the mats as much as I can. My old kohai from the old place is fixing to go to NYC to test in the Winter, and I can't help him cram for it if I'm hobbled by an injury. Not to mention that it's just not fun.

 

So far today I'm already feeling better, which is probably a good sign.

 

Today I want to hit up the mats early, but that's not going to happen because I need to run some errands first. Still mean to do strike training, though. We'll see how it shakes out.

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9 minutes ago, Kishi said:

That would have been a pretty bracing start, no lie.

 

It doesn't get more Hardcore than Martial Arts Darwinism. 

 

10 minutes ago, Kishi said:

So, the plan didn't work out as far as training goes. I got the DM who likes to game late, and the handstand work as I've been doing it is actually rather long for being a warm up/lead up to strength work. So I just did handstand work, but to be frank, that might actually be a good thing to do going forward. Just, you know, given how my Mondays tend to shake out. It'll mean cutting dedicated strength work to 2 times per week, but I've already checked the notes and it's kosher, so that won't be a problem. I'm also probably going to cut bridging out of the program and just go back to doing a single plank at the end. Reason being that I'm starting to walk around with that "tweaked" feeling in my right leg again, and that's generally a sign that something's getting ready to go. No need for that. I can learn from this.

 

That or maybe a single bridge hold to balance the plank. After all, planks are garbage for posture and need a counter-balance of some kind. Maybe that'll be enough? We shall see, but a drastically reduced dosage should be able to get benefit without hurting anything.

 

Get thee to a good massage therapist for relief if not resolution? Bridges just aren't worth it like crunches for people with chronic back pain aren't worth it. You can practice "core stability" doing literally anything else this side of curls. Heck, I think TGUs are a more practical demonstration of your abdomen's ability to transmit force and maintain spinal integrity. 

 

[insert Kermit meme here]

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Nice feedback from Manong and his wife! Also great that you could show your skills at the seminar. Clearly your training plan is working. :D 

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5 hours ago, Urgan said:

Get thee to a good massage therapist for relief if not resolution? Bridges just aren't worth it like crunches for people with chronic back pain aren't worth it. You can practice "core stability" doing literally anything else this side of curls. Heck, I think TGUs are a more practical demonstration of your abdomen's ability to transmit force and maintain spinal integrity.

 

See it's funny because you think I've got the money to spare for something like that. So far, the pain responds to stretching and SMR with a LAX ball, and as long as it does so, I've got to keep applying that stuff. I don't have the time or the money for that, as nice as it would be.

 

15 minutes ago, Mistr said:

Nice feedback from Manong and his wife! Also great that you could show your skills at the seminar. Clearly your training plan is working. :D 

 

I mean, mostly! Always needs to be improved, though. Also, yeah, didn't think I would have improved that much, in terms of body and composition and such, but I guess I did???

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So! Tuesday. It was very a Day.

 

Got a message from the friend I'm off to see in Maine checking in on me to see if I was okay. I told her I was. She said she was checking because she'd been back down to NC for a wedding and got together with some of the Dramatis Personae. My absence was marked, and they had the feeling I was isolating myself.

 

And of course, being me, I had Lots Of Feelings about that. It was news to me that I'd been missed, and while I was sorry to have worried them, at the same time I was like, "Huh. So. These people were worried and... none of them could be bothered to reach out to me? Not a single one could take a minute and say, 'Hey, Kishi, hope you're okay and we miss you'?"

 

But of course, I'm being unfair. One of them is trying to hunt for a new job and another has been slammed with hours and her mom is going through cancer treatment which has recently intensified (read: gotten worse) and everyone has problems right now. And it's not like I reached out to them either. Although I'd argue in my defense that my reasons are more valid, as my interests are comically out of step with everyone else's, and I figured they had enough emotional labor between the Toxic One and the Emotionally Dishonest One. (and also that I wasn't interested in doing that emotional labor. I have enough value being extracted from me as it is; ain't got time for them to take more).

 

Still. It was good of her to worry, and I thanked her for it. I've texted the relevant parties to let them know that I'm alive and that I thank them for their concern.

 

Went and finally got back on the mats for striking yesterday. Did a good job - lit one dude up and forced the other against the wall. Still need to work up the guts to get past this whole constant jabbing thing they do, but at least they know enough to respect my heavy right hand and not get too close. So. The game carries on. :)

 

Q&D followed, went well. Did some stretches afterward and felt pretty good.

 

Today is a rest day. Drinking and talk and maybe Young Justice? And maybe board games? Who even knows? Certainly not I.

 

Also, holy crap, it's October. NaNoWriMo is next month. Need to get my plans updated for the book; gonna do a Renegade trick and actually keep working on the novel I'm doing now, which is itself a second draft of a novel I did some years ago. Guh. Aight, then.

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So I went to my friend's house last night and totally forgot that I'd been told they'd be out celebrating another friend's birthday. So it was my turn to have been done a concern. But everything was okay. Yaaaay. :)

 

Instead, I wound up going home and doing a little cleaning around the apartment. I firmly told myself I would not train; I'm taking so many opportunities to do that as it is that I need to take more opportunities to rest. I did do some takedown drills, but didn't really feel a need to do more than that.

 

I texted one of the friends last night - the busy one with the cancerous mother - to let her know that I wanted to help her in any way she might need. I admitted I didn't know what that would look like but that I was her friend and I'd be there for her if she asked. No response as yet today, which is probably reasonable given how busy she is. (it is, in fact, the likely reason) All the same, not doing a lot to disprove my Thoughts And Feelings about whether or not they want me around.

 

But whatever. I don't want to carry that kind of anger around. I don't want it. And to be honest, I would have been more disappointed in myself for knowing what was going on and not offering to help. Maybe she doesn't want my help, and maybe they don't care enough about me to make time for me or to have me around in any kind of significant way, but I can't control how they feel or what they do based on how they feel.

 

I'll try to reach out to the other one today who's job hunting and see if she wants anything from me as far as passing things along if we're hiring. And that'll be that.

 

Wound up getting in touch with another friend who I haven't seen in a minute and I've made time to go see him next week, which is gonna be great! Haven't seen him in a while. Gonna have to adjust the training to make room for him, but can totally make it work.

 

In the meantime, strike training and strength work tonight. Cool. Let's get it.

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22 hours ago, Kishi said:

Got a message from the friend I'm off to see in Maine checking in on me to see if I was okay. I told her I was. She said she was checking because she'd been back down to NC for a wedding and got together with some of the Dramatis Personae. My absence was marked, and they had the feeling I was isolating myself.

 

Lol. The dramatic people miss having someone to reliably drama at? IMAGINE THAT.

 

1 hour ago, Kishi said:

I texted one of the friends last night - the busy one with the cancerous mother - to let her know that I wanted to help her in any way she might need. I admitted I didn't know what that would look like but that I was her friend and I'd be there for her if she asked. No response as yet today, which is probably reasonable given how busy she is. (it is, in fact, the likely reason) All the same, not doing a lot to disprove my Thoughts And Feelings about whether or not they want me around.

 

I give it a day then I'm interpreting the silence itself as the ultimate message. Your perception of the significance of your relationship with these people does not seem to match theirs and I don't get the impression many/any of them would be taking time to specifically ask after your mother if she had cancer. If you aren't sure she wants to hear from you, that does suggest you actually aren't friends.....

 

1 hour ago, Kishi said:

But whatever. I don't want to carry that kind of anger around. I don't want it. And to be honest, I would have been more disappointed in myself for knowing what was going on and not offering to help. Maybe she doesn't want my help, and maybe they don't care enough about me to make time for me or to have me around in any kind of significant way, but I can't control how they feel or what they do based on how they feel.

 

DO, the Sequel. I know there is a paragraph pages back written about her in just the same way.

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What @Urgan said. You have lots of social things going on. The Dramatis Personae are not reaching out to you or doing other things to show they are your friends. You have done your due diligence. If they don't step up, you can move on with no regrets.

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2 hours ago, Urgan said:

Lol. The dramatic people miss having someone to reliably drama at? IMAGINE THAT.

 

:D

 

2 hours ago, Urgan said:

I give it a day then I'm interpreting the silence itself as the ultimate message. Your perception of the significance of your relationship with these people does not seem to match theirs and I don't get the impression many/any of them would be taking time to specifically ask after your mother if she had cancer. If you aren't sure she wants to hear from you, that does suggest you actually aren't friends.....

 

1 hour ago, Mistr said:

What @Urgan said. You have lots of social things going on. The Dramatis Personae are not reaching out to you or doing other things to show they are your friends. You have done your due diligence. If they don't step up, you can move on with no regrets.

 

Well, this one's different, and there's some context you're missing. She's not dramatic by any stretch, not really. She's kind and smart, and she actually took me in to live with her at one point a while ago while I was between places. I had a crush on her pretty much from the moment I met her, and I misread some signals one New Year's Eve and kissed her on the forehead. This was some years ago and back when I had some really bad scripts running in my head, and I wasn't really in a place where I understood myself (which isn't even to say I do now, but like worse).

 

And I mean, one of the other female friends was there when this happened, saw me do it, kissed me on the forehead after, and there's never been any kind of issue or discussion of it since then. She's never expressed any kind of discomfort, she's had me over to her place since then, and we've been on good terms. I'm don't think I'm hurt, really, so much as just really, really confused. Like if I was that untrustworthy and that dangerous, why did she even keep me around?

 

To be clear, I understand she doesn't owe me anything. If she doesn't want to be friends, then that's that. I totally buy that it's probably my fault - even if it isn't related to that incident, I ultimately don't lead a life that compels interest from her. Whatever. I guess I just need you to know that it's probably on me.

 

2 hours ago, Urgan said:

DO, the Sequel. I know there is a paragraph pages back written about her in just the same way.

 

Probably. Whatever. I'm done.

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Sorry to hear about the dramatis personae. [Edit: Usually, in case of doubts about whether to keep on reaching out to friends would be: ] Spend your finite energy on people that show active interest in you and do not say via via that they have noticed your absence.

 

[Edit2: deleted presumptious paragraph.]

 

The best thing one can do is just look at things As They Are with as little as interpretation as possible.

 

What are they DOING now rather than saying? They are standing by. Just like a romantic relationship, a friendship requires effort. Love is a verb. Friending is as well. Sorry for the lame wording :p 

 

If their actions change, then your "now" will change. If they do not, you also continue seeing things as they are. Hope it works out.

 

[Edit3: also, nothing is definite. Sometimes friendships eb and flow and maybe that's okay. Not sure. Still figuring that one out.]

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Oops! I replied just when you posted the last post. Well, anything I say is based on limited information in any case and feel free to disregard anything unuseful. 

 

Food for thought, thanks.

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18 hours ago, Kishi said:

Well, this one's different, and there's some context you're missing. She's not dramatic by any stretch, not really. She's kind and smart, and she actually took me in to live with her at one point a while ago while I was between places. I had a crush on her pretty much from the moment I met her, and I misread some signals one New Year's Eve and kissed her on the forehead. This was some years ago and back when I had some really bad scripts running in my head, and I wasn't really in a place where I understood myself (which isn't even to say I do now, but like worse).

 

And I mean, one of the other female friends was there when this happened, saw me do it, kissed me on the forehead after, and there's never been any kind of issue or discussion of it since then. She's never expressed any kind of discomfort, she's had me over to her place since then, and we've been on good terms. I'm don't think I'm hurt, really, so much as just really, really confused. Like if I was that untrustworthy and that dangerous, why did she even keep me around?

 

To be clear, I understand she doesn't owe me anything. If she doesn't want to be friends, then that's that. I totally buy that it's probably my fault - even if it isn't related to that incident, I ultimately don't lead a life that compels interest from her. Whatever. I guess I just need you to know that it's probably on me.

 

Dude, you're fine. I don't think anybody would have you over to their house if they disliked or feared you unless they're loopy, in which case the monkey is on her back to rationalize that. She does in fact owe you clarity if things have changed that much (I think your conscience would snap your neck from the whiplash if you tried that yourself...). It's not too much to expect. However. People do really weird stuff when they're in distress, they might act out or shut down or what-have-you. Not a time to take it as a personal indictment, that's for sure.

 

You made a noble gesture and are a good person, more likely to give other people way more benefit of the doubt than is strictly warranted and yourself none at all. Otherwise you're handling the situation as well as anybody could. Whether she wants your help or not says more about her and her particular coping strategy than it does anything else. I hope I haven't upset you with talking about it.

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On ‎10‎/‎3‎/‎2019 at 3:42 PM, analoggirl said:

Oops! I replied just when you posted the last post. Well, anything I say is based on limited information in any case and feel free to disregard anything unuseful. 

 

Hahaha! Guess I interrupted you there. Sorry for that. But thanks for thinking of me and dropping by.

 

On ‎10‎/‎3‎/‎2019 at 3:40 PM, analoggirl said:

Sorry to hear about the dramatis personae. [Edit: Usually, in case of doubts about whether to keep on reaching out to friends would be: ] Spend your finite energy on people that show active interest in you and do not say via via that they have noticed your absence.

 

[Edit2: deleted presumptious paragraph.]

 

The best thing one can do is just look at things As They Are with as little as interpretation as possible.

 

What are they DOING now rather than saying? They are standing by. Just like a romantic relationship, a friendship requires effort. Love is a verb. Friending is as well. Sorry for the lame wording :p 

 

If their actions change, then your "now" will change. If they do not, you also continue seeing things as they are. Hope it works out.

 

[Edit3: also, nothing is definite. Sometimes friendships eb and flow and maybe that's okay. Not sure. Still figuring that one out.]

 

Nah, this is all good, and it's really helpful in terms of how to approach this. I appreciate you taking the time. :)

 

5 hours ago, Urgan said:

 

Dude, you're fine. I don't think anybody would have you over to their house if they disliked or feared you unless they're loopy, in which case the monkey is on her back to rationalize that. She does in fact owe you clarity if things have changed that much (I think your conscience would snap your neck from the whiplash if you tried that yourself...). It's not too much to expect. However. People do really weird stuff when they're in distress, they might act out or shut down or what-have-you. Not a time to take it as a personal indictment, that's for sure.

 

You made a noble gesture and are a good person, more likely to give other people way more benefit of the doubt than is strictly warranted and yourself none at all. Otherwise you're handling the situation as well as anybody could. Whether she wants your help or not says more about her and her particular coping strategy than it does anything else. I hope I haven't upset you with talking about it.

 

No, you haven't! I was actually worried I'd upset you and everyone else, because we live in the MeToo era and living here and now has really caused me to look back on some of the things I've done with a very critical light. Obviously, I don't want to cross any lines, but people "line up" differently, and I felt like I was taking a risk.

 

And also, I haven't ever really told anyone I did that before. I suppose that, as deep dark secrets go, this is probably not the worst, but???

 

*

 

Striking and strength work both happened! And I'm also now officially encouraged to drop by for the BJJ portion, so now I have no choice but to show up. :)

 

Strength work happened afterward and was also good. Did one set of planks and no bridging; felt better after and even better today.

 

They did wind up getting back to me, and everything I guess carries on.

 

Anyway. Open Mat tonight. Should be fun.

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Noooo, it is definitely not the worst thing. You went for it (an educated guess although limited by your knowledge of her signs), it turned out to not be true, you backed away. 

 

Maybe I am a bit of a philosopher to a point it's not good for me, but I believe that's better than to just keep wondering why for all eternity. :)

 

Just have to keep communicating and never take things for granted. 

 

I had a friend joke about a night we had where I had taken the first step, then it turned out to not be mutual after all. I made it serious, made it clear I have no feelings to people that are not into me and that was important to do.

 

But if the person had not made the joke or made any other implication of what had happened & things were all good like with you guys, I would have assumed things had passed.

 

Well, since I am a talker and all bout not keeping things inside and letting them rot, if it really bothered me, I might have vocalised my concern (directly, whether appropriate or not but of course when we are alone or via a call or so) :p 

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Oh and since I find that MeToo goes both ways, I do always think about how my actions are to be interpreted. Maybe guys do not admit to it but I have been witness to some pretty family unfriendly things done by women to guys despite their discomfort. Especially in my teens?

 

Not to go all either feminist or men's rights on everyone now haha. I am just a humanist, okay! :')

 

Inconsiderate actions or even straight up idiocracy is (unfortunately) not limited by any human characteristic. If only we could just round up one group of people of a nationality/gender/culture or whatever and the world would be free of shitty people right? Wish it was that easy :p

 

OKAAAY that escalated quickly. Have a good weekend!

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On 10/4/2019 at 4:20 PM, Kishi said:

No, you haven't! I was actually worried I'd upset you and everyone else, because we live in the MeToo era and living here and now has really caused me to look back on some of the things I've done with a very critical light. Obviously, I don't want to cross any lines, but people "line up" differently, and I felt like I was taking a risk.

 

And also, I haven't ever really told anyone I did that before. I suppose that, as deep dark secrets go, this is probably not the worst, but???

 

I am on team Innocent Until Proven Guilty. You won't ever find me lining up for ruining a life on the basis of social media rumor. That's a call for the parties involved and the law, where applicable. I think that's still how it works?

 

You made a silly mistake, super awkward and totally normal at the same time. I've hugged men too long, I've told a dumb joke in male-only company that I torment myself with to this day. Hopefully those poor souls have managed to heal and move on. May God have mercy on us, because we sure don't. 

 

On 10/4/2019 at 4:20 PM, Kishi said:

Striking and strength work both happened! And I'm also now officially encouraged to drop by for the BJJ portion, so now I have no choice but to show up. :)

 

Go forth and do deadly cuddletime.

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On ‎10‎/‎5‎/‎2019 at 4:24 AM, analoggirl said:

Noooo, it is definitely not the worst thing. You went for it (an educated guess although limited by your knowledge of her signs), it turned out to not be true, you backed away. 

 

Maybe I am a bit of a philosopher to a point it's not good for me, but I believe that's better than to just keep wondering why for all eternity. :)

 

Just have to keep communicating and never take things for granted. 

 

I had a friend joke about a night we had where I had taken the first step, then it turned out to not be mutual after all. I made it serious, made it clear I have no feelings to people that are not into me and that was important to do.

 

But if the person had not made the joke or made any other implication of what had happened & things were all good like with you guys, I would have assumed things had passed.

 

Well, since I am a talker and all bout not keeping things inside and letting them rot, if it really bothered me, I might have vocalised my concern (directly, whether appropriate or not but of course when we are alone or via a call or so) :p 

 

Yeah, that's it exactly. I really misread that and I thought that there was something there, and I guess that for a long time, I couldn't bear to see that there wasn't.

 

On ‎10‎/‎5‎/‎2019 at 4:32 AM, analoggirl said:

Oh and since I find that MeToo goes both ways, I do always think about how my actions are to be interpreted. Maybe guys do not admit to it but I have been witness to some pretty family unfriendly things done by women to guys despite their discomfort. Especially in my teens?

 

Not to go all either feminist or men's rights on everyone now haha. I am just a humanist, okay! :')

 

Inconsiderate actions or even straight up idiocracy is (unfortunately) not limited by any human characteristic. If only we could just round up one group of people of a nationality/gender/culture or whatever and the world would be free of shitty people right? Wish it was that easy :p

 

OKAAAY that escalated quickly. Have a good weekend!

 

No, it's okay! It's okay. I don't mean to drive us all down another rabbit hole as far as philosophy and Deeply Held Convictions are concerned (see the Capitalism vs Communism debate a while back). My understanding of feminism is to see it as another democratizing ideology that attempts to remove artificial hierarchy without replacing it with another one. Transitioning people from objects to subjects means giving them agency, and if a person has agency, then they have responsibility for their actions too, which can be right or wrong regardless of gender.

 

Which is all to say that I'd like to think of my battle log as a safe space for deep, heavy discussion, and coming at the problem from a different place certainly doesn't hurt my feelings at all. We're cool. :)

 

I had a good weekend! I hope you did too!

 

On ‎10‎/‎5‎/‎2019 at 6:03 PM, Urgan said:

I am on team Innocent Until Proven Guilty. You won't ever find me lining up for ruining a life on the basis of social media rumor. That's a call for the parties involved and the law, where applicable. I think that's still how it works?

 

You made a silly mistake, super awkward and totally normal at the same time. I've hugged men too long, I've told a dumb joke in male-only company that I torment myself with to this day. Hopefully those poor souls have managed to heal and move on. May God have mercy on us, because we sure don't.

 

I mean, it might work that way? I'm on team "Just Because I'm Paranoid Doesn't Mean They Aren't Out To Get Me, And They Know Who They Are." (my team has a branding problem. Doesn't quite roll off the tongue).

 

Hell is other people, and sometimes we are our own other.

 

On ‎10‎/‎5‎/‎2019 at 6:03 PM, Urgan said:

Go forth and do deadly cuddletime.

 

Combat Cuddles FTW

 

*

 

Hoookay.

 

Friday was great. Friday was open mat. Coach was in town and made the time to roll with us. We got to play with a lot of stuff. I also managed to go pretty hard with the Squirrely White Belt. He got an arm bar on me, legit, and then I managed a RNC on him I think 30 seconds after? We stayed pretty even with each other after that, and I'm really proud of him for that as he's a good 30-40 lbs lighter than me and you lose a belt for every 20 lbs the opponent has on you.

 

Did some striking drills with the Squirrel afterward as he's my kohai under old K-sensei and he's apparently up for testing some time this winter. So I did a bunch of flow work with him, which he took to really well. He's overthinking a little too much, but the stuff that comes out when he reacts looks a lot like Shotokan with kickboxing characteristics, and I think he'll do really well as long as he stays aggressive.

 

Anyway. Coach and I drank beers and afterward went out for drinks and nachos. It was awesome to get the chance to talk with him and pick his brain and also get to know him better. He later tried to talk me up to one of the cuter waitresses at the bar as being his best student, which definitely gave me a chance of the WAFFs, although I'm not sure I agree with him as I think the other two white belts are getting good enough that if I can't get more mat time, they're gonna overtake me. Then again, should I really countermand my teacher? I do not know.

 

Saturday got a rough start as I woke up with the closest thing to a hangover I've had in a long, long time. Still got up to go to family D&D, and God bless my mom but she elected to make salty fatty carby food for us afterward and it was a balm unto my soul. I felt good enough after the game to go do strength work, although I didn't really make time to do Q&D.

 

OTOH, I did go out and do Contra dancing for 3 hours or so, which kind of made a wash of the whole thing. Went out with the Lady and it was a load of fun. Contra, for those of you who don't know, is a catchall to describe Anglo-Scottish line dancing. I'm not clear if it's more folk dance or if it was something done by the nobility? But it's a lot of fun. You get a wide cross-section of people - a lot of math-sci folk who are drawn to the patterns, a lot of LGBT and non-conforming folk looking for the oxytocin high from constant contact, and a lot of hippie-arts folk looking for the flow aspect (hi!).

 

And you know what? It turns out, BJJ has a lot of carryover to Contra. I stood out as a stranger, but I got multiple compliments on my timing and sensitivity. I'm absolutely a beginner, but I stood out as a very good beginner. I'd certainly like to go back with the Lady, and she'd like to go back with me too; it's on our calendars now. Not sure if this is us dating or what, but truthfully, I don't consider friendship to be a consolation prize in this case either. She wanted to see me again before the next time we both could make it to a dance, so I invited her out to the Night Market on the 17th which it turns out she's always wanted to see. So.

 

Sunday was pretty restful. The only thing I did was BJJ, and I finally had a frustrating session. We've decided to focus on submissions, and so we got into Triangle choke from Full Guard as well as Omo Plata. We had the teaching blue belt this time as opposed to the coach, and while he taught us well and we got to the point where we were doing it well, he decided that effective drilling against a noncompliant opponent meant being an asshole in guard, mainly by using his Old Man Grip Strength and stalling as opposed to going for play and letting me catch him making a mistake, which incidentally is more my style.

 

That wasn't fun. I also think he went easier on the other student who was there, because she is smol and soft, and he didn't want to frustrate her. Which isn't to denigrate her either; she's actually remarkably sensitive and has a very good flow which she honestly probably picked up from her cross-training in Aikido. She's really good, and she's also doing extra jiujutsu on the side, which she's invited me out to and which I would do if I didn't have gaming on the same night.

 

Also, I managed to bridge the blue belt out of a mount position in randori, and that was pretty cool; like he legit couldn't stop me, which just makes me feel happy and was good vengeance for earlier. :)

 

Aaah. Anyway. Tonight. Tonight has been given over to the gaming folk, so that is what I will do. Handstand work to follow. I'm actually thinking about combining Q&D with it, on the basis that Q&D can be combined with a bunch of other stuff, and it'd be relatively seamless to combine S&C work with movement work. I'm actually thinking of switching these days up so that I do Q&D on Monday and Friday, as the drinking is rather intermittent and the program is rather robust against missed sessions.

 

I'm also pleased to report that the glute pain is doing even better the less excess bridging I do, so there's that. There was a bit of sharpness in there Sunday night, but it hasn't persisted into the dullness that I've grown accustomed to, which seems promising.

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