Osu

[Kishi]

1 hour ago, Urgan said:

Realizing the people he was doing this thing "with"...aren't now, has been known to shake people right out of commitment. I'm not a "this would be better with more people" kind of person, to put it mildly, but if I were ripped out of my group and forced to do martial arts with some people I don't know well/strangers or quit, I might quit if it were jarring enough. 

 

Well, the way he explained it, he said that he felt like he was doing a second job rather than doing something he enjoyed. I could see how that would happen - part of his advancement requirements includes 50 hours of teaching, and it's not like they're paying him for it. I'm not sure what exactly it is he wants out of his training with the more advanced people, ie whether he wants to spar or if he wants to do forms or what. There's only so much I can help him with in any event.

 

1 hour ago, Urgan said:

I suppose you've gotten the idea in mind that they were definitely going this direction as in, a promise was made? In that event, if you aren't getting what you need there, better to spend the energy someplace else. I can't quite get upset with them for having performed a risk analysis and decided they don't want to take it to Next Level, so to speak, if that isn't their primary discipline or hobby. And if they can't find that confidence to take the risk.... giant shrug. I can understand you feeling cheated out of the experience. Signs point to using the time for something else. 

 

I mean, it's something that they've talked about. There's a specific helmet with specific design specs for doing this kind of thing, and the teacher was initially gunning for something like that, but then nobody else did the same thing and there doesn't seem to be an appetite for it. It's annoying. I feel like with what limited time I have, I need to spend it doing things I want to do to get the desired results and so far that doesn't seem to be likely there. So, for my part I do feel cheated, but like you say. Might as well use that time for something else.

[Urgan]

1 minute ago, Kishi said:

Well, the way he explained it, he said that he felt like he was doing a second job rather than doing something he enjoyed. I could see how that would happen - part of his advancement requirements includes 50 hours of teaching, and it's not like they're paying him for it. I'm not sure what exactly it is he wants out of his training with the more advanced people, ie whether he wants to spar or if he wants to do forms or what. There's only so much I can help him with in any event.

 

Oh yeah, if it turns out he doesn't like teaching (at all or that many hours--50 hours is a lot of donated time) and he's got no one at his level to work with, perhaps like he once did, that would be a real downer. 

 

4 minutes ago, Kishi said:

I mean, it's something that they've talked about. There's a specific helmet with specific design specs for doing this kind of thing, and the teacher was initially gunning for something like that, but then nobody else did the same thing and there doesn't seem to be an appetite for it. It's annoying. I feel like with what limited time I have, I need to spend it doing things I want to do to get the desired results and so far that doesn't seem to be likely there. So, for my part I do feel cheated, but like you say. Might as well use that time for something else.

 

I can relate to both sides of the matter. It's a fail on the teacher's part in reading the atmosphere of his students and (repeatedly?) make noises about something that'll never happen, no matter how much he may wish to have a half dozen people willing to do so. He doesn't and neither do you. But hey, more rest time isn't a bad thing. A consolidated training focus. More money saved?

[Kishi]

18 minutes ago, Urgan said:

I can relate to both sides of the matter. It's a fail on the teacher's part in reading the atmosphere of his students and (repeatedly?) make noises about something that'll never happen, no matter how much he may wish to have a half dozen people willing to do so. He doesn't and neither do you. But hey, more rest time isn't a bad thing. A consolidated training focus. More money saved?

 

I wish! It's a flat rate, which has its perks but also means that you're incentivized to go to more classes to get the most value out of the dollars you spend. Still, $80 for BJJ is a friggin' bargain, given the market these days.

[Kishi]

Monday down! Monday went well - small crew so we worked on building our stable of characters. Strength training happened afterward; wasn't able to hit the programmed finisher in time but was able to do everything else, and honestly shadowboxing mixed with bagwork when available was enough to keep my heart moving pretty well without necessarily needing to be smoked.

 

Looks like class is on. Got a welcome email and everything, so I'mma be hightailing it to the other side of town after work. Guess we'll see what comes of this.

[Kishi]

So! Class was good! Small, but I don't mind that. It didn't really cover any new ground, but I'm not really going for the teaching; I'm going for the work, and TBF I'm more excited at the homework assignments and the push to engage in everyday writing. Teacher came down on the side of "touch the story every day" as opposed to necessarily writing, although she's also asked for 50 pages at the end of the month and I gotta admit, I'm stoked to get there. It necessitates a bunch of changes to my writing strategy that I've been needing without even knowing it.

 

Had a long meeting with the Clock Nazi yesterday. It cost me an hour of productivity, but we got to go over a lot of the problematic stuff we've been butting heads over and I've ultimately considered it time well-spent. Got called in to get called out for doing a good thing this morning, which was a very positive start to the day.

 

Truthfully, I've not been very fair in my characterization of her, as she's been helping me a lot over and above what the last person in this position did, even going so far as to help me write up and close some of my cases that I can't get to. And beyond my problems getting in on time, she's actually been pretty nice to me. So, on the whole, while she still bugs me and butts heads with me, I really don't think she's a bad person. Shame we don't see eye to eye on all the things.

 

Anyway, no gym time or dojo time yesterday, but there was time for yoga. Wound up in a flow work out yesterday, and after the relative ease of everything else, that was a shock to the system. Lot of pause/push up(chataranga) work and even crow pose on top of balance work and everything. Harder than what I've been up to and not exactly restorative and yet I finished feeling good and springy. Did some suitcase holds and called it done.

 

The grocery store started selling "Beyond Beef Beyond Meat" brick packs, which is something I've been dying to try for a while and... I gotta admit, it actually exceeded my expectations. It cooks and tastes like ground beef, although the smell isn't quite right. But that doesn't bother me. It's also a complete protein source on top of being super-filling; I actually wasn't able to finish dinner last night.

 

So, probably gonna hop back on the meat-as-occasional-indulgence train for a while, mostly because I'm trying to green up a bit and because I seem to be able to do this without any real negative impacts on my training or quality of life. My lipid numbers probably aren't going to like that very much, but I'm still compliant with meds and supplements per my doctor's orders and everything... should be fine, I think. Unless it won't be, but I can't know that until something goes wrong somewhere.

 

Tonight's plans have been wiped off the board on account of sci-fi buddy having to be on the road. So, might do yoga, might do nothing. Probably yoga; ooh, and I might get some time to engage in a little tidying up, that'd be fun and good for my headspace. Hell yes.

[Urgan]

1 hour ago, Kishi said:

Got called in to get called out

 

[Treva]

7 hours ago, Kishi said:

Got called in to get called out for doing a good thing this morning, which was a very positive start to the day

forget breakfast, this sounds like an A+ start to the day.  I'm glad they're recognizing all the hard work you do!

 

YOGA SO NICE.  I am so glad you are doing yoga.  It makes me happy, and I am glad it is helping you feel stretchy and springy.  I am also glad the writing class is encouraging you to do more writing and approach your art in what sounds like a different way.  Good for you!

[WhiteGhost]

14 hours ago, Kishi said:

The grocery store started selling "Beyond Beef Beyond Meat" brick packs, which is something I've been dying to try for a while and... I gotta admit, it actually exceeded my expectations. It cooks and tastes like ground beef, although the smell isn't quite right. But that doesn't bother me. It's also a complete protein source on top of being super-filling; I actually wasn't able to finish dinner last night.

 

I would love to try this out.  The flavor isn't as important if you are using it as part of a spice/sauce heavy dish, but I wouldn't try to make burgers out of it or anything.  Not at first, anyway.

[Mistr]

On 7/3/2019 at 12:15 PM, Kishi said:

Anyway, no gym time or dojo time yesterday, but there was time for yoga. Wound up in a flow work out yesterday, and after the relative ease of everything else, that was a shock to the system. Lot of pause/push up(chataranga) work and even crow pose on top of balance work and everything. Harder than what I've been up to and not exactly restorative and yet I finished feeling good and springy. Did some suitcase holds and called it done.

 

Are you doing NF Yoga? That sounds like the Star B session. If not, which yoga are you doing?

 

Nice that you had a productive conversation with your boss. Sometimes it is worth it to do things a certain way because someone else cares about it, even though you don't care or even disagree. Save the arguments for things that make a substantial difference in the quality of your work life.

[Kishi]

On 7/4/2019 at 3:48 AM, WhiteGhost said:

I would love to try this out.  The flavor isn't as important if you are using it as part of a spice/sauce heavy dish, but I wouldn't try to make burgers out of it or anything.  Not at first, anyway.

 

It's good stuff. I've actually had the chance to try this in burger form at some of the restaurants around here and it tracks pretty well with what you say - the spices and the sauces pretty much make it. That being said, my own rather lazy approach seems to work pretty well - rice sweetened by stevia, beans and veggies, salsa, and sriracha, as well as cinnamon and turmeric. It's a riot of discordant flavors that probably nobody would like, but I actually kind of like it. All that said, though, I'm actually kinda itching to make a proper curry out of it, although I'd probably do it in the lazy way, ie buying premade and just smothering my plate in it as opposed to all these IP recipes that want you to homemake everything. Please don't tell anyone!

 

1 hour ago, Mistr said:

Are you doing NF Yoga? That sounds like the Star B session. If not, which yoga are you doing?

 

The yoga I'm doing has been put together by a gentleman named Gabe Saturno of Saturno Movement. Saturno has a sort of comprehensive movement system that's based around hand balancing, yoga, and calisthenics. The yogi mindset is probably what makes his system stand out the most from comparable ones like GMB or GB or other systems that focus on calisthenics as a strength/muscle builder - yoga, meditation, and mindfulness in movement appear to inform a great deal of his philosophy, and he has said that he's building his system with the idea that it can blend and match with anyone doing anything.

 

I'm not sure yet whether he succeeds or not but so far it seems to work pretty good.

 

1 hour ago, Mistr said:

Nice that you had a productive conversation with your boss. Sometimes it is worth it to do things a certain way because someone else cares about it, even though you don't care or even disagree. Save the arguments for things that make a substantial difference in the quality of your work life.

 

Yeah. I wasn't really looking forward to the meeting, and I hated losing that much time, but it wound up being something that we needed. I still don't like some of how she comports herself toward me - she has a real tendency to try to rub my nose in my mistakes, like I'm a dog, and I don't appreciate that. I stood up to her about it - gently, of course, because people freak out when you stand up for yourself the wrong way - and it worked. So... you know.

 

*

 

Whooo, happy 5th of July! I mean, wait, no, dammit, uh.

 

So, past few days wound up being restful. Wednesday was my Friday, so I did as much as I could to close everything out before heading home. Got word of a showing of Far From Home with the Boiling Kettle Friends, so I decided to go ahead and hit that up. Wound up giving a ride to the Dramatic Friend, who proceeded to TMI me about how her current relationship is going. You know, the one that she cheated on her former husband with that wound up breaking her marriage. Turns out she's not happy in the new one either, and she kind of low-key joke-hinted that she would be happy to use me for her satisfaction. You know, in that plausibly deniable way, so if I call her out on it, she can just titter it off as Kishi being a silly boy who doesn't understand things.

 

I shot it down by laughing it off and being inert. I'm good at that. Learning to be alone and relatively content (for all that I've complained about it) is good for that kind of thing. And even for all the neuroses and angst and insecurity that I have around sex and sexuality... I mean. Complicating a relationship like that? No. That's not worth it to me, especially seeing as the guy she's with doesn't really get the degree of her discontent and that's something they need to fix. Besides, I already know she's the kind of person who's willing to deal in bad faith when it comes to that kind of thing, for all that I sympathize with the fact that she was in a broken marriage before she cheated and had her life blow up.

 

All the same, I do thank everyone for their advice as far as working to grow distant from this friend group. This was good advice. I am going to apply it just as much as I can, especially seeing as how work is opening up paid OT for me again and that would be a better use of my Saturdays at this point. I don't have to show up for the Saturday meetings to give these people what they want from me.

 

Anyway. How was Far From Home? It was actually really good. It's a shift in that it's not quite a teen comedy so much as it's a coming of age story that happens to have some comic elements in it. It's a bit of a transition and I don't think it's as good as Homecoming or Into the Spiderverse but it's plenty good. Peter Parker is very much struggling with the idea of having to fill Tony Stark's shoes, and I have a feeling that this movie is kind of the first step in his character arc as he tries to do that. I can't really get into it too much without spoiling it, and I don't want to do that, but I'd be very curious to hear other people's thoughts on it.

 

Oh, and Peter Parker and MJ are fucking adorable and I want nothing but good things for them. I really hope that things work out well between their actors as those two are together and that chemistry can be made or broken based on the real world.

 

So. That was Wednesday.

 

Thursday was relatively quiet. Folks were out of town and I spent the day doing nothing. It was a nice change of pace. The yoga was a meditation session, so I meditated and that was that.

 

Today, I have to catch up on my writing and do my work for tomorrow.  And it's a gym day, which I'm stoked about. I'm not sure at this point whether we're doing open mats at the dojo tonight yet or what's going on with all that. Can't go to what ain't there, right?

[Urgan]

1 hour ago, Kishi said:

So, past few days wound up being restful. Wednesday was my Friday, so I did as much as I could to close everything out before heading home. Got word of a showing of Far From Home with the Boiling Kettle Friends, so I decided to go ahead and hit that up. Wound up giving a ride to the Dramatic Friend, who proceeded to TMI me about how her current relationship is going. You know, the one that she cheated on her former husband with that wound up breaking her marriage. Turns out she's not happy in the new one either, and she kind of low-key joke-hinted that she would be happy to use me for her satisfaction. You know, in that plausibly deniable way, so if I call her out on it, she can just titter it off as Kishi being a silly boy who doesn't understand things.

 

I shot it down by laughing it off and being inert. I'm good at that. Learning to be alone and relatively content (for all that I've complained about it) is good for that kind of thing. And even for all the neuroses and angst and insecurity that I have around sex and sexuality... I mean. Complicating a relationship like that? No. That's not worth it to me, especially seeing as the guy she's with doesn't really get the degree of her discontent and that's something they need to fix. Besides, I already know she's the kind of person who's willing to deal in bad faith when it comes to that kind of thing, for all that I sympathize with the fact that she was in a broken marriage before she cheated and had her life blow up.

 

All the same, I do thank everyone for their advice as far as working to grow distant from this friend group. This was good advice. I am going to apply it just as much as I can, especially seeing as how work is opening up paid OT for me again and that would be a better use of my Saturdays at this point. I don't have to show up for the Saturday meetings to give these people what they want from me.

 

 

You've probably already decided as such, but juuust in case there's a shadow of a doubt, do not allow yourself to be alone with this person.

Full. Body. Shudder. 

 

Any alone time with her is at your own risk to account for later based on her past actions. Better yet, I wish you weren't around her at all and fully support a better use of your time literally anywhere else. Also. What is it with car ride confessionals, anyway? Actually I know why creeps do it. What are you gonna do, bail out of your own car? Insert every nope gif the internet has to offer right here.

 

1 hour ago, Kishi said:

Today, I have to catch up on my writing and do my work for tomorrow.  And it's a gym day, which I'm stoked about. I'm not sure at this point whether we're doing open mats at the dojo tonight yet or what's going on with all that. Can't go to what ain't there, right?

 

Mystery dojo tiems...

 

[Tanktimus the Encourager]

I must agree with my fellow Tank. Urgan hit the nail on the head. Dramatic "Friend" is not friend at all, but rather engages in toxic behaviors to such a degree no good will ever come from you associating with her.

[Kishi]

2 hours ago, Urgan said:

 

You've probably already decided as such, but juuust in case there's a shadow of a doubt, do not allow yourself to be alone with this person.

Full. Body. Shudder. 

 

Any alone time with her is at your own risk to account for later based on her past actions. Better yet, I wish you weren't around her at all and fully support a better use of your time literally anywhere else. Also. What is it with car ride confessionals, anyway? Actually I know why creeps do it. What are you gonna do, bail out of your own car? Insert every nope gif the internet has to offer right here.

 

You know, I actually hadn't thought that I should avoid being alone with her, but now that you point it out that's really the best possible move I think. I want to think that I'm being unreasonable and blowing this out of proportion, but... I really don't think I am. And I do think that I would be trusted if push came to shove, but I think it. I don't know it.

 

It's a shame. I like these other people, for all that they're a bunch of problems I have to put up with, and for all my insecurities about having to earn my place (something which to be clear has never been articulated to me and which I've built up in my head). This growing need for distance... it's necessary, but it makes me really sad.

 

3 hours ago, Tanktimus the Encourager said:

I must agree with my fellow Tank. Urgan hit the nail on the head. Dramatic "Friend" is not friend at all, but rather engages in toxic behaviors to such a degree no good will ever come from you associating with her.

 

Yeah. I think you two are right. Part of me feels guilty for growing distant, but I can't shake the feeling that it's the right thing to do.

 

Heh. I'd worry about hurting their feelings, but I doubt they'll even notice I'm gone.

 

3 hours ago, Urgan said:

Mystery dojo tiems...

 



 

Schroedinger's Dojo!

 

(although it doesn't look like it's on yet, probably on account of the holiday. Oh well. All things in time).

[Kishi]

Happy Monday, everyone!

 

Holiday weekend was long and necessary. Felt good. Wasn't anywhere near as productive as I'd have liked - didn't really hit that house cleaning like I told myself I would - but really don't feel like the time was spent poorly either, you know?

 

Saturday, I was invited out to a Cereal Watching of Spiderman: Homecoming. Cereal Watching is where you go to watch the film and eat a bowl of cereal. Pretty much what it says on the tin. I decided to one-up everyone by pairing my cereal with beer instead of milk - went with Cookie Crisp and a milk stout. And y'all, it friggin' worked. Would've preferred a bit more chill on the beer, but on the whole it was a positive experience. Far From Home held up under a second viewing and fell into my emerging pattern of liking films better the second time I watch them. I dunno, like it's not that I'm spoiled but rather I feel like I tend to watch films the first time with an analytical lens and the second time without.

 

Sunday had some issues with the Dramatic One and I need to preface a little bit. So she's divorced, but she's got kids who she loves very much and so she wound up with custody this weekend. I'd been invited out Saturday to see them; I noped out because I'm kind of neutral on kids as a whole and also she's the Dramatic One. She does have some mental issues to boot and tends to spiral from time to time, so she spiraled pretty hard on Sunday when she had to take her kids back. She tried to call me, I ignored her, and then she put me on blast in the FB group we're a part of. The other dude - the Emotionally Dishonest One - caught her on that one, but I'm trying to reach out to one of them who helped the DO get moved here so I can explain what's going on and be transparent about things.

 

And of course no response yet. Disappointing, but I should have expected that.

 

As it was, I watched my brother's stream and then went off to BJJ, where we began working on turning people over to take their backs.

 

And that brings us to today. Still no response from that one, and I'll be gaming with one of the friends tonight so I'mma have to explain myself I'm sure. Which I kind of want to, because even if I don't owe them anything, they should still know what's going on. I don't mind giving an account of myself, and they should understand that I'm reacting to what I see as toxicity rather than trying to be toxic on my own.

 

Oh and I'll probably go lift weights today afterward. So at least there will be one simple thing today.

[Urgan]

Hmm. My immediate reaction to her calling you out is....I would like to think any thinking person would evaluate DO as what she is on contact. However, I realize this is perhaps unwarranted optimism.

 

Either way, the temptation might be strong to act from the defensive to "clear the air" but IMHO this is simply allowing her to manipulate you indirectly, precisely what being put on blast is designed to do to someone who is too nice for their own good. Totally understandable to feel the need for some support within the group if in the group you decide to remain, the old "I'm not crazy, right? You see this * bleep * too?" effect. If you got that kind of rapport from the person you're trying to contact, cool. Just remember no one will move as fast to communicate as you are because it's either not actually that big a deal or they aren't any more reliable than a two-legged stool and you don't owe them jack--they aren't friends of yours if what she says bothers them and they don't ever ask you for your take.

[Kishi]

1 hour ago, Urgan said:

Hmm. My immediate reaction to her calling you out is....I would like to think any thinking person would evaluate DO as what she is on contact. However, I realize this is perhaps unwarranted optimism.

 

Well, I mean, I didn't pick it up on contact either. It wasn't apparent to any of us when we first met. We knew she had some issues, but not to this degree or extent, and some surprise has been articulated to me concerning how she be. Maybe they know that this isn't something, and maybe they don't.

 

1 hour ago, Urgan said:

Either way, the temptation might be strong to act from the defensive to "clear the air" but IMHO this is simply allowing her to manipulate you indirectly, precisely what being put on blast is designed to do to someone who is too nice for their own good. Totally understandable to feel the need for some support within the group if in the group you decide to remain, the old "I'm not crazy, right? You see this * bleep * too?" effect. If you got that kind of rapport from the person you're trying to contact, cool. Just remember no one will move as fast to communicate as you are because it's either not actually that big a deal or they aren't any more reliable than a two-legged stool and you don't owe them jack--they aren't friends of yours if what she says bothers them and they don't ever ask you for your take.

 

I mean, maybe. I also know that they talk amongst each other and it's not really clear to me who's in on what conversations. Sure, if I speak up, I'm playing into her hands, but if I don't speak up then she gets to manipulate the perception of me. And if they're willing to believe her without coming to me, then yeah, they're no friends of mine, but I don't think she should just get to get away with that.

 

Anyway, no response so far. I'll be charitable and assume they're regarding this as not that big a deal, but I have to admit, this doesn't inspire much confidence.

[Urgan]

1 minute ago, Kishi said:

Well, I mean, I didn't pick it up on contact either. It wasn't apparent to any of us when we first met. We knew she had some issues, but not to this degree or extent, and some surprise has been articulated to me concerning how she be. Maybe they know that this isn't something, and maybe they don't.

 

Okay then, by now they should probably be getting the impression that there are bats where bats should not be, yes?

 

2 minutes ago, Kishi said:

I mean, maybe. I also know that they talk amongst each other and it's not really clear to me who's in on what conversations. Sure, if I speak up, I'm playing into her hands, but if I don't speak up then she gets to manipulate the perception of me. And if they're willing to believe her without coming to me, then yeah, they're no friends of mine, but I don't think she should just get to get away with that.

 

There is always the option of waiting a day then calling her out for all to see. If you feel the need. Might burn a few bridges, but at that point they probably were overdue. She probably wouldn't expect you to return fire directly if you haven't confronted her directly before? I just get the feeling that from over here it looks a bit like snuggling with a baby-shaped ball of dark goo named Drama. Not that that's completely in your control, I realize, unless you want to privately pop a few people a message and just skate for your safety. Really. From wanting you as a sex toy to trying to neo-tribe shame you in... * checks watch * 3, 4 days at most? Blech ^ 10. 

 

4 minutes ago, Kishi said:

Anyway, no response so far. I'll be charitable and assume they're regarding this as not that big a deal, but I have to admit, this doesn't inspire much confidence.

 

Can't blame you for feeling that way. No one wants to feel isolated or ignored (even if we know they're probably just out there living life...probably) when there's poo being flung. Or even in the absence of airborne excrement. 

[Kishi]

1 hour ago, Urgan said:

There is always the option of waiting a day then calling her out for all to see. If you feel the need. Might burn a few bridges, but at that point they probably were overdue. She probably wouldn't expect you to return fire directly if you haven't confronted her directly before? I just get the feeling that from over here it looks a bit like snuggling with a baby-shaped ball of dark goo named Drama. Not that that's completely in your control, I realize, unless you want to privately pop a few people a message and just skate for your safety. Really. From wanting you as a sex toy to trying to neo-tribe shame you in... * checks watch * 3, 4 days at most? Blech ^ 10.

 

Yeah. This whole thing sucks.

 

I have to admit, it's not really occurred to me to put her on blast. I could do it. Just doesn't seem right to do that either. It's not just me that she stands to hurt with her behavior; she could hurt a lot of us with her decisions and I'm more worried about that than anything else and I feel like I need to warn them about what's going on. I guess if she tries to come for me, I can knock her back, but... it's just not a fight I want. Might wind up that it's what I got but I don't want it.

 

3 hours ago, Urgan said:

Can't blame you for feeling that way. No one wants to feel isolated or ignored (even if we know they're probably just out there living life...probably) when there's poo being flung. Or even in the absence of airborne excrement. 

 

Yeah, and that's kind of how I feel. Like I'm isolated by my interests and that's led to me being isolated in terms of my connections with these people. It's not a nice feeling.

[Tanktimus the Encourager]

I agree with Urgan. 

[Kishi]

12 hours ago, Tanktimus the Encourager said:

I agree with Urgan. 

 

Well, when she's right, she's right.

 

*

 

So! Did wind up getting in touch with that other friend. We'll call her Shepherdess because this whole vague common noun thing is getting on my nerves. (what can I say? It ain't Proper. ) I explained to her what happened and she was like "Whoa! Dude, that is jacked up. She shouldn't have done that." She said that the DO doesn't really have a filter and is very emotionally immature, and that she doesn't really get the line between flirting and openness, and has no concept of what's acceptable humor.

 

And I was like, "Yeah, I could see those being how all of her troubles started, so I tried to give her space, and then she put me on blast because I was avoiding her, and honestly I just think she's toxic at this point."

 

And Shepherdess was like, "I can understand that and you need to take care of yourself first." And she went on to say that when DO had her spiral on Sunday, she had hoped that everyone in our group of friends would come around her like we had before and when we didn't she decided that we were all fake friends and now she's thinking about moving back to GA. I didn't say that maybe she should because that would be cruel, but admittedly it would solve some problems for us.

 

Anyway, this turned out to be a good move, and I know that Shepherdess will filter this out to the others in time. It's also interesting to see how well-regarded she thinks I am, as opposed to my own paranoia about that; the fact that there's this disconnect is really giving me pause to wonder if I'm being unfair in response to the unfairness that I think has been shown me. Like, have I really been communicative about that, and have I really given them the chance to correct?

 

I dunno. Something to think about.

 

Anyway, gaming was interesting last night. We ran a half party, and while DM-san had a few scenarios lined up, we actually outsmarted them and wound up running through all of them in about an hour. This was a real change of pace given that the prior DM-san had a real tendency to take simple things and make them incredibly complicated. Not that there was anything wrong with this! We've actually wound up being more peacekeepers in this game; we talk first, fight later, and using our words has been pretty great. Also this new DM-san is a lot of fun to play with and he has a great sense of humor about the setting. So, it's all good.

 

Got out in time to gym it up and have realized that with the amount of time that I have that I basically wind up having time for 8 working sets. Which is good to know; I can adjust my work accordingly. The racks were taken last night, so I wound up doing my deadlifts by the punching bags. So I did bagwork for my active rest. Good stuff.

 

Also, writing happened, and it was good, and I need to do that again today. The writing class is tonight and the plan afterward is yoga and suitcase holds, but it also might not work out that way and that's okay too.

[Urgan]

22 minutes ago, Kishi said:

And she went on to say that when DO had her spiral on Sunday, she had hoped that everyone in our group of friends would come around her like we had before and when we didn't she decided that we were all fake friends and now she's thinking about moving back to GA. I didn't say that maybe she should because that would be cruel, but admittedly it would solve some problems for us.

 

...aaand the truth comes out. She needs to be the center of attention and barf her life's every twist and turn all over multiple people. Somehow I don't think one single person would be sufficient to absorb it.

 

 

 

Also you are a stronger man than I given the prospect of a wheelbarrow full of trouble threatening to take itself away. (We have really bothersome relatives who make this very same critical mis-evaluation of how amazing their life updates are to behold in person and it is great.) I'd have been all like

 

 

29 minutes ago, Kishi said:

Anyway, this turned out to be a good move, and I know that Shepherdess will filter this out to the others in time. It's also interesting to see how well-regarded she thinks I am, as opposed to my own paranoia about that; the fact that there's this disconnect is really giving me pause to wonder if I'm being unfair in response to the unfairness that I think has been shown me. Like, have I really been communicative about that, and have I really given them the chance to correct?

 

Does not surprise me at all. You are not one cross word away from being kicked off the island of life and nobody gets to dictate or shame you into feeling that way. Slow down and chill (especially on anything related to FB...), you aren't the unhinged doofus in the equation. Just because said doofus acts doesn't mean you are obliged to react exactly on their timetable.

 

 

And like real life, I bet talking/avoiding bashing heads in the game requires a bit of restraint and creativity lol.

[Kishi]

51 minutes ago, Urgan said:

Also you are a stronger man than I given the prospect of a wheelbarrow full of trouble threatening to take itself away. (We have really bothersome relatives who make this very same critical mis-evaluation of how amazing their life updates are to behold in person and it is great.) I'd have been all like

 

 

Nah, I remember reading about your troubles. Totally sympathize. I think it wouldn't have worked here as Shepherdess initially helped DO with the move up here in terms of letting DO stay at her place. They also initially met via fandom, and fandom being the New Religion, it's kind of a hard bond to break. It would have been... impolitic, I think, to try to push for that.

 

51 minutes ago, Urgan said:

Does not surprise me at all. You are not one cross word away from being kicked off the island of life and nobody gets to dictate or shame you into feeling that way. Slow down and chill (especially on anything related to FB...), you aren't the unhinged doofus in the equation. Just because said doofus acts doesn't mean you are obliged to react exactly on their timetable.

 

 

And like real life, I bet talking/avoiding bashing heads in the game requires a bit of restraint and creativity lol.

 

Yeah. This is the problem with living so much in my head as I do. Need to stop that.

[Kishi]

So what else is there to say about Tuesday?

 

Well, class happened. I apparently rocked the homework assignment, but may have accidentally done a little too good. The teacher asked for a few different ideas and a plot synopsis. I was able to provide this and apparently did really good work and then went the extra mile to type it up and print it off, which apparently counted as a super-polished presentation. I had no idea; I thought that was how the work was done.

 

Anyway, the teacher decided to hold on to the notes I gave her so she could pick at me later and I'm like, "Ah, so. We're gonna play it like that. Okay."

 

The friend I'm taking the class with, meanwhile, has a fire lit under him for writing, and since he's my Sci Fi Buddy, we might take tonight to write and do the work as opposed to watching sci fi. Which... I'm honestly pretty down for to do.

 

Anyway. Class finished, got home, yoga'd and held my kettlebell, and that was that. Had to stop by Whole Foods to pick up some sauerkraut and decided to try out some hempeh, which is a soyless tempeh made with hemp seeds and peanuts. Decided to try this raspberry habanero stuff and it was pretty dope for all that it tried to wreck my macros. Oh delicious food, y u so difficult?

 

Tonight's probably just gonna work out to being a rest night as usual. No problem with that. Right hamstring was a little sore and while the yoga helped and it feels good today, a little straight rest might not be a bad idea.

[Urgan]

21 minutes ago, Kishi said:

Anyway, the teacher decided to hold on to the notes I gave her so she could pick at me later and I'm like, "Ah, so. We're gonna play it like that. Okay."

 

"How to Chase Me Out of a Room: A Guide."

 

21 minutes ago, Kishi said:

The friend I'm taking the class with, meanwhile, has a fire lit under him for writing, and since he's my Sci Fi Buddy, we might take tonight to write and do the work as opposed to watching sci fi. Which... I'm honestly pretty down for to do.

 

Do you ever do that thing where you go to a movie and are all fired up to write and then you get home and you're like.....need a nap. And then the feeling is gone? No?

 

22 minutes ago, Kishi said:

Anyway. Class finished, got home, yoga'd and held my kettlebell, and that was that. Had to stop by Whole Foods to pick up some sauerkraut and decided to try out some hempeh, which is a soyless tempeh made with hemp seeds and peanuts. Decided to try this raspberry habanero stuff and it was pretty dope for all that it tried to wreck my macros. Oh delicious food, y u so difficult?

 

Life is pain, Highness. Are we now soy-free?

[Kishi]

14 minutes ago, Urgan said:

"How to Chase Me Out of a Room: A Guide."

 

Actually, it worked out pretty okay. Everyone else got reamed over the coals; she spent the two hours leaving me alone for the most part, which makes it feel like I got off relatively easy.

 

15 minutes ago, Urgan said:

Do you ever do that thing where you go to a movie and are all fired up to write and then you get home and you're like.....need a nap. And then the feeling is gone? No?

 

Yup. Every Saturday morning. "Hell yeah, let's get this bread! Right after some coffee... and look, some of my favorite video essayists have some content out today... whoa, hey, wait, what time is it?"

 

16 minutes ago, Urgan said:

Life is pain, Highness. Are we now soy-free?

 

I honestly don't know? Like depending on who you read, soy and fermented soy in particular are either relatively innocuous or death by bean. My concerns aren't really based in the notions of testosterone disruption - I was concerned at one point, but I'm not so convinced anymore that the research bears that out - so much as that there's a lot of talk about how fermented soy is goitrogenic due to its ability to block iodine.

 

Except that you get lots of people saying that it's not that big a deal, which makes it sound like it's up to me. As for me, I eat powdered seaweed in which is apparently just hecking iodized AF; like one serving of it is worth 917% of the normal daily allotment of iodine, and I'm fairly confident that that's enough. In which case, I mean, dang. Maybe I should eat more whole soy foods to balance that out?

 

So, I dunno. I suppose if my neck blows up like a frog's, we'll know something went wrong.